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[music]

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What do you think
about the church?

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Do you love the church?

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Do you serve the church?

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When you see the church,
what do you see?

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Jesus loves his church.

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So, who is it?

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That person that you're
not reconciled to.

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That relationship that's
the most awkward,

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frustrating, disappointing.

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The relationship that, perhaps,
was strong, solid, good,

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encouraging, loving, hopeful,
and now it's just obliterated,

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or confusing, or awkward,
or strained, or over.

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I want you to go with the first
person that the Holy Spirit

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brought to mind, and I know some
of you are maybe saying, "No.

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I am going to think about
someone else at this point."

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Think about them.

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The psychologists say
when we have conflict,

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we're prone toward fight,
we're gonna escalate; flight,

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we're gonna avoid them; or
fright, we just get paralyzed,

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we don't know what to say or do.

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How have you responded to
their offenses against you?

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Have you added to their
sin with your own sin?

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Have you involved other people
to increase the drama

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and decrease the opportunity
to reconcile the relationship?

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And as Christians,
what do we do?

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Because here's what can happen,
you come into the church with

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idealistic expectations that
go unmet, you meet some people,

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you all belong to Jesus,
and next thing you know,

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the relationships
are not what Jesus intended.

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I'm your pastor.

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I love you very, very much.

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I can say that individually
for every person who calls

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Mars Hill Church home
and those who are visiting.

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And I love us as a church
because Jesus loves this church.

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And the way we
treat one another,

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especially in the most
tenuous seasons,

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it says a lot about our
relationship with Jesus,

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because that's the basis for
a relationship with one another.

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So, as we deal with
the big subject today of

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"Jesus Reconciles," I don't want
this just to be, for you,

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a theoretical,
theological conversation,

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but a very personal
and practical conversation.

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I want you to consider this
almost like a counseling

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appointment, me and you,
and you've got a story of hurt

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and you need counsel
on what to do.

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And where we're going to be
today is Matthew 18:15-20.

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And as you find that place
in your Bible or on your app,

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let me preface my sermon by
saying I'm always worried

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to teach this text, because what
some people do is they'll take

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this text and they'll apply it
to every single potential kind

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of conflict in a church.

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And I've got a whole chapter in
the "Vintage Church" book that

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deals with lots of different
cases, and variables,

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and scenarios.

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This is not a process that
fits every single situation.

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If somebody's a heretic,
leading people astray,

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and they're a wolf, you don't
deal with them in this process.

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If a man sexually
assaults a woman,

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you don't quote
Matthew 18 and say,

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"Well, you need to go meet with
them one on one privately."

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So, this doesn't apply to all
people, times, circumstances.

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This is about a particular
series of situations where

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two people have an interpersonal
conflict and they're struggling

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because they're not
living in reconciliation.

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So, let's reduce it down
to the intended scope.

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Two people have
an interpersonal conflict.

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This can be in your family,
this can be in your business,

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this can be in our ministry.

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And the Lord Jesus gives us
a process by which to deal

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with these interpersonal
conflicts.

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So, you need to look
at it in three ways.

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Number one, some of
you are the offender,

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you've done something
that has harmed,

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damaged a relationship
with another person.

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Some of you are the offended,
someone has sinned against you,

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and as a result,

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the relationship
is unreconciled;

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and some of you are the middle
man or the middle woman,

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you know the story between these
two people who are in conflict,

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and you're a bit
of a confidant or a counselor,

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and you're
the person in the middle.

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And what Jesus has to say for
us fits all three people:

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the offended, the offender,
and the person in the middle.

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And so, read it with me,
and then I'm going to ask you

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eight painful questions.

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Here's the day you wish
you hadn't come to church,

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because I'm going to ask you to
deal with the thing you don't

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want to deal with, with the person
you don't want to deal with.

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"If your brother sins
against you," here's Jesus,

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"go and tell him his fault,
between you and him alone.

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"If he listens to you, you
have gained your brother.

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"But if he does not listen,

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take one or two others along
with you,"

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not so that one can hold
him and the other can punch them

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while you mock them, but "that
every charge may be established

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by the evidence
of two or three witnesses."

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That's an Old Testament
requirement for justice.

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"If he refuses to listen to
them, tell it to the church.

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"And if he refuses
to listen even to the church,

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"let him be to you as
a Gentile and a tax collector.

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"Truly, I say to you, whatever
you bind on earth shall be bound

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"in heaven, and whatever you
loose on earth

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"shall be loosed in heaven.

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"Again I say to you, if two
of you agree on earth about

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"anything they ask,
it will be done for them

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"by my Father in heaven.

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"For where two or three
are gathered in my name,

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there am I among them."

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Sadly, some take this as
the definition of the church,

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"where two or three are gathered."

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That's not the context.

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The church is far more than
just two or three people

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getting together.

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What he's talking about here
is two or three people being

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witnesses to sinful activities
so that there could be justice

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in the church.

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What he's talking
about, basically,

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here is the size of
the proverbial jury.

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So, what do we do when
we have these conflicts?

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We're the one who
has offended someone,

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been offended by someone, or
we're the person in the middle,

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seeking to give counsel.

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Eight questions Jesus
has for reconciliation.

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You ready?

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Take a deep breath.

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Ready?
This is hard, right?

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If you're really
going to be honest,

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if you have an unreconciled
relationship,

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it's heartbreaking.

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You wake up in the morning,
thinking about them.

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You go to bed at night,
thinking about them.

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Sometimes, you're
concerned for them.

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Other times, you're
frustrated with them.

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If you happen to see them, you
get that knot in your stomach.

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Their name shows up, text,
e-mail, call on your phone.

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You have that hard decision.

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"Do I answer it?
Do I ignore it?

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"If I ignore it and I see them
or they follow up with me,

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"am I going to lie
and say,

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"'Oh, I don't know.
I didn't get it.'

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"If I ignore them, will
they just leave me alone?

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Can we just pretend like
we don't know each other?"

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But then there's friends
and sometimes family members

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or coworkers implicated,

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and, "Hey, have you
talked to so-and-so?

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How's it going?
Where you guys at?"

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And it just bleeds
for a long time.

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Eight questions Jesus asked.

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Number one: are you
both Christians?

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That's his first question.

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Here's how he says it: "If
a brother sins against you."

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He's using the language
of "brother" here,

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so we're talking
about two Christians.

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So, we're not talking about
a process for a Christian

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and a non-Christian,
or two non-Christians.

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Christian, Christian.

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Two professing,
practicing Christians.

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Are they a Christian?

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And he uses
the language of "brother,"

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which probably was very
controversial in that day.

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In that day, inheritance rights
were tied to the family line,

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so legally, you were not allowed
to call anyone a close relative

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unless they actually were,
because it could confuse

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inheritance and property rights,
which was very important.

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But when Jesus came as our big
brother and he died and rose

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to take away our sin, he
reconciled us to the Father.

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That means, according to
the Bible, God's our Father,

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we're adopted into
the family called the church,

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and our relationships with
one another can be as close

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or sometimes even closer
than relatives of birth,

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because we're related now,
through the new birth

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that the Holy Spirit brings.

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So, we're to treat
one another like family.

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Now, how many of you have
a family that you fight with?

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You ever had a fight
with your family?

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If you don't have
a fight with your family,

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it's because you've moved so
far away you can no longer fight

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with your family.

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Family members fight,
but we fight with our family

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differently than we
fight with our enemy.

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Somebody breaks into my home,
the fight will be far different

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than if I was a kid wrestling
with one of my brothers.

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There's a threshold that's
different with a family.

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So, the first thing is, as
we're dealing with one another,

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we need to recognize we're
not enemy, we're family,

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if we're adopted by
God the Father

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and Jesus is our big brother.

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And the question is:
are you both Christians?

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That's the question.

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If you're both Christians,

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then the rest of the process
applies to you.

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Now, if the person you're
dealing with is not a Christian,

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rather than trying to deal with
their reconciliation with you,

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the first thing you
want to work on is

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their reconciliation with God.

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Right?

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They may be reconciled to you
and still not reconciled to God,

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and if they become reconciled
to God through repenting of sin,

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and faith in Jesus Christ,
getting a new nature,

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becoming a new person
as a Christian,

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reconciled to God the Father
through the work of God the Son

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by the power of God the Spirit,
after that reconciliation,

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then the two of you can work
on your reconciliation with

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the Holy Spirit's power,
and Jesus' forgiveness,

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and the Father's oversight.

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So, first thing is, if somebody's
offended you or you have

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a strained, unreconciled
relationship,

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but they're not a Christian,
the hope and goal is evangelism.

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Talk to them about Jesus.

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Talk to them about being
reconciled to Jesus.

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Pray for them to be
reconciled to Jesus.

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And for those of
you who are parents,

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let me say that this language
of brother and family,

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though it's speaking
spiritually,

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it's intensely practical
for how we parent.

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I've got five kids,
and every once in awhile,

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they have a little conflict.

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You ever seen that with kids?

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They're sinners too.

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And what can happen is they
don't know how to resolve their

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conflict, so what we do as
parents is we set in motion

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biblical patterns.

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So, the first thing is we need
to teach them to follow this

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same process that I'm
going to share with you.

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"Have you guys talked about it?"

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"No."

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Because sometimes what can
happen is the kids have

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a conflict, they immediately
call the parents in,

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and they don't learn how to
even do Matthew 18 as children,

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sometimes because they're
fearful and they don't like

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the conflict that comes through
looking at one another

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and saying, "That was wrong,
and you sinned against me,

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and I need you to apologize."

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They struggle sometimes with
timidity and not working through

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this kind of process.

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But let me say, as parents,
this applies to even how we

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raise our children.

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The first question, then,
is: are you both Christians?

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If yes, then you move on
to the second question.

242
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,417
Did someone sin?

243
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,917
How many of you
have had a conflict,

244
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,333
but it wasn't a sin?

245
00:12:20,375 --> 00:12:22,917
"They're just annoying!"

246
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,375
Or that's what we think.

247
00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:29,667
See, they think they're
eccentric, or clever, or cute,

248
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:36,208
or humorous, or unique,
all synonyms for annoying.

249
00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:37,833
Okay?

250
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:40,000
You ever had a relationship
conflict with someone?

251
00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:43,500
They're just annoying you,
but they're not sinning.

252
00:12:43,583 --> 00:12:47,208
It may just be
their personality.

253
00:12:47,292 --> 00:12:51,875
I know someone who
snorts when they laugh.

254
00:12:51,958 --> 00:12:56,708
It's very annoying, because they
snort very, very, very loud,

255
00:12:56,792 --> 00:13:00,208
to where if you're in public,
everyone stops and looks for

256
00:13:00,292 --> 00:13:02,625
the wild beast that's been
released in the restaurant.

257
00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:04,000
Right?

258
00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:06,208
Like, it's very loud.
But that's not a sin.

259
00:13:06,292 --> 00:13:09,000
It's not like, "Well, we need
to get the elders involved."

260
00:13:09,042 --> 00:13:10,375
You know?

261
00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:12,125
It's like, "Well,
that's just your thing."

262
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,500
You know?

263
00:13:14,583 --> 00:13:16,792
Someone just laughed
so hard they snorted.

264
00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:18,583
That's awesome.

265
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,500
Thank you for the illustration.

266
00:13:20,542 --> 00:13:22,083
Okay?

267
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:24,833
What we will not do is get
two or three witnesses,

268
00:13:24,875 --> 00:13:27,417
since we already have them.

269
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:31,625
But there are certain
things that are not sinful,

270
00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:37,583
they're just frustrating,
annoying, eccentric, or odd.

271
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:40,708
And in those occasions, that's
where Proverbs 19:11

272
00:13:40,792 --> 00:13:42,917
comes into play.

273
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,208
"Good sense makes
one slow to anger."

274
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:49,000
So, the Bible says, in the most
popular verse that's quoted

275
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:52,000
more than any other verse in
the Bible, that God is, quote,

276
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:56,125
"Slow to anger," that
God has a very long wick,

277
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:59,167
and that God's people should
have a very long wick.

278
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:01,917
Some of you are
short wick people, okay?

279
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,292
I was raised in a home where
I had a very short wick,

280
00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:07,792
and the neighborhood I grew
up in was very violent

281
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:09,167
and dangerous.

282
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,917
And the oldest of five kids,
sometimes you'd need to escalate

283
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,833
and defend, or get in a fight.

284
00:14:13,875 --> 00:14:17,000
The Bible says, "Slow to anger."

285
00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:19,125
Long wick.

286
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:23,208
It's been a learning process
and a growing process for me.

287
00:14:23,292 --> 00:14:25,417
"And it is his glory
to overlook an offense."

288
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,125
Sometimes you
overlook an offense,

289
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:30,375
and here's sometimes why:
extenuating circumstances

290
00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:32,375
that are reasonable.

291
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,708
Let's say a mom just
gave birth to a kid,

292
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:38,917
and she's exhausted because
the kid's not sleeping,

293
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,917
and kid has allergies,
and let's say mom's now got

294
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,708
postpartum depression, and, you
know, her body's readjusting,

295
00:14:46,792 --> 00:14:49,625
and she's grumpy
with her husband.

296
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:52,000
You know what he should do?

297
00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:53,500
Overlook.

298
00:14:53,583 --> 00:14:56,000
Say, "You know what?
I understand.

299
00:14:56,083 --> 00:15:00,833
"The kid is screaming and you've
got postpartum depression,

300
00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:04,708
"and, you know, it's hard.

301
00:15:04,792 --> 00:15:07,417
"Neither of us has slept since
the last presidential election.

302
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:09,625
"We're both a little tired.

303
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,792
So, I'm going to overlook that."

304
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:13,625
Right?

305
00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:16,208
Sometimes you look at someone
and instead of just judging

306
00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:19,500
them, you have a little
compassion, a little empathy.

307
00:15:19,542 --> 00:15:21,208
"Sorry it's a hard season.

308
00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:23,208
"Sorry it was a rough day.

309
00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:25,625
I'm sorry for
the circumstances you're in."

310
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:28,375
And sometimes in those moments,
the best thing is to approach

311
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:30,500
the person in love
and just say, "I'm sorry.

312
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:32,500
It seems like you're
having a rough day."

313
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:35,000
And usually what happens in
that moment, the person melts.

314
00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:36,875
"Oh yes, thank you!
I'm so frustrated."

315
00:15:36,958 --> 00:15:39,583
"Yeah, I know.
We could tell."

316
00:15:39,667 --> 00:15:44,333
Like, "This was not a secret
that you let us in on,

317
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:47,333
"but I know you're frustrated
and I know you blew up,

318
00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:49,333
"but I know you've had
a hard day

319
00:15:49,375 --> 00:15:51,333
and I know there's
a lot going on,"

320
00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:54,000
or, "I know it's a rough
season and I'm so sorry

321
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:55,417
"you're frustrated.

322
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:56,917
Let me just pray for you."

323
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,333
"Oh, thank you."

324
00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,833
That's how you
overlook an offense,

325
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,917
and sometimes we have
to overlook an offense.

326
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,625
Now, some of you
overlook every offense,

327
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,375
and that means that
you're a coward,

328
00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:09,125
so this verse isn't for every
single moment of your life,

329
00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:11,833
but it's when there's
extenuating circumstances

330
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:15,792
that make some degree of sense.

331
00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:18,000
Did someone actually sin?

332
00:16:18,042 --> 00:16:20,708
And by sin, what we're talking
about is violating the Word

333
00:16:20,792 --> 00:16:25,583
of God, which is a reflection
of the character of God.

334
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,333
Is it a sin?

335
00:16:27,375 --> 00:16:28,833
Does God say it's a sin?

336
00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:32,083
Because if God says it's a sin
and you don't deal with it,

337
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:35,000
then you are
disagreeing with God,

338
00:16:35,083 --> 00:16:38,000
and you're enabling sin rather
than calling people to repent

339
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:41,125
of sin, which frankly means you
really don't love them

340
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,917
because sin leads to what?

341
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,833
Well, it leads to death.

342
00:16:44,875 --> 00:16:47,375
And if you see somebody
who's rebelling, and sinning,

343
00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:49,875
and they're on a path toward
destruction and to harm

344
00:16:49,958 --> 00:16:53,833
themselves, addressing that
is really an act of love.

345
00:16:53,875 --> 00:16:55,375
It's saying,
"You're going a direction

346
00:16:55,458 --> 00:16:56,917
"that does not lead to life.

347
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,333
"It leads to death.

348
00:16:58,375 --> 00:17:01,125
"And I want to point that out
because I love you

349
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:02,667
and I'm concerned for you."

350
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:05,917
Let me say this as well: there's
a difference between a sin

351
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,500
and a crime.

352
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:10,917
A sin is something that
Christians are supposed

353
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,708
to handle with
the presence of God.

354
00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:16,083
A crime is something that
we need to report

355
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:18,125
to the authorities.

356
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:23,000
One of the saddest things that's
happened in recent years is,

357
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,625
regarding Christianity, certain
churches or traditions of

358
00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:29,667
Christianity have decided that
when a crime is committed,

359
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:32,125
they don't report
it and they hide it.

360
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:34,708
We don't hide crimes.

361
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,208
Romans 13 says to obey
the governing authority.

362
00:17:37,292 --> 00:17:42,417
So, if someone sexually
assaults you, call the police.

363
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:46,125
If you're working for
a company and you're a believer,

364
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:48,125
and someone claims
to be a believer,

365
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,000
and you find that
they're stealing.

366
00:17:50,042 --> 00:17:53,792
I mean, it's real
and it's real bad,

367
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:56,292
you need to notify the proper
authorities in your company

368
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:59,583
and see what their policies are.

369
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:02,125
There are times that
crimes are committed,

370
00:18:02,167 --> 00:18:05,417
and sometimes as Christians,
we can misapply Scripture,

371
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,583
especially things
like Matthew 18,

372
00:18:07,667 --> 00:18:11,875
and take a situation that's only
regarding a personal offense,

373
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:16,125
an interpersonal conflict, and
apply it, one size fits all,

374
00:18:16,167 --> 00:18:19,875
paint-by-numbers kit, for
every conceivable situation.

375
00:18:19,958 --> 00:18:21,833
It's not.

376
00:18:21,875 --> 00:18:23,917
It's not.

377
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,083
I mean, I know one pastor,
someone came in and they thought

378
00:18:27,167 --> 00:18:30,000
it was confessional time, and
they're talking about how angry

379
00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:32,208
they are, and "I think
I'm going to escalate,

380
00:18:32,292 --> 00:18:34,708
and I'm thinking about
killing this person."

381
00:18:34,792 --> 00:18:37,708
Call the police.

382
00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:41,500
Don't just try to deal
with it as a church issue,

383
00:18:41,542 --> 00:18:43,583
because now it's a legal issue.

384
00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:46,000
You understand the difference?

385
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:51,083
I've seen women, whose husbands
were abusing their children,

386
00:18:51,167 --> 00:18:54,417
not call the police because they
didn't think that it was okay

387
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,500
to get the officials involved.

388
00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:58,333
That's not the case.

389
00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,125
We're to obey
the governing authorities,

390
00:19:00,167 --> 00:19:03,000
and where laws are broken, then
the appropriate authorities

391
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,500
need to be notified.

392
00:19:05,542 --> 00:19:09,208
But the question is: has
an actual sin been committed?

393
00:19:09,292 --> 00:19:11,833
Did a fellow Christian
gossip about you?

394
00:19:11,875 --> 00:19:14,208
Did they lie about you?

395
00:19:14,292 --> 00:19:18,667
Did they misrepresent you?

396
00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:21,708
What did they do to you?

397
00:19:21,792 --> 00:19:23,333
It's not a crime.

398
00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:25,000
You couldn't call the police.

399
00:19:25,042 --> 00:19:26,500
But it's a sin.

400
00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:27,917
I'll give you an example.

401
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,500
Adultery is a sin,
but it's not a crime.

402
00:19:30,542 --> 00:19:31,875
Like, if you call 9-1-1.

403
00:19:31,958 --> 00:19:34,083
"Hello, 9-1-1.
What are you reporting?"

404
00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:35,875
"Adultery."

405
00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:39,083
You will not see
them leap to action.

406
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:42,083
They will say,
"It's not a crime."

407
00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:45,083
So, something like that is
not a crime, it's a sin.

408
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:47,000
It's something that
the government doesn't see

409
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:48,833
as wrong, but God does.

410
00:19:48,875 --> 00:19:51,417
See the difference?

411
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,792
Same with someone
who's drinking too much,

412
00:19:53,833 --> 00:19:56,583
and maybe you're married to
them or they're your roommate,

413
00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:58,917
and they're an alcoholic,
they're drunk all the time.

414
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,500
You can't call the police.

415
00:20:00,583 --> 00:20:02,375
"They're drunk again."

416
00:20:02,458 --> 00:20:05,333
They'll tell you,
"Well, good luck with that."

417
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:08,000
That's a sin, not a crime.

418
00:20:08,042 --> 00:20:11,167
Those kinds of things is what
the Scripture is referring to.

419
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:15,500
Third question: Are you
talking about them

420
00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:18,583
or to them first?

421
00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:21,208
Right?

422
00:20:21,292 --> 00:20:22,875
Are they a brother?

423
00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:24,333
Are they sinning?

424
00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:25,917
That's what Jesus says,

425
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:30,500
"If your brother sins against
you, go and tell him his fault,

426
00:20:30,542 --> 00:20:33,375
between you and him," what?

427
00:20:33,458 --> 00:20:36,000
"Alone."

428
00:20:36,083 --> 00:20:39,208
Are you talking to
them or about them?

429
00:20:39,292 --> 00:20:42,167
If you're talking about
them, it's gossip.

430
00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:44,208
Some of you say,
"But I'm really hurt."

431
00:20:44,292 --> 00:20:46,625
Okay, it's still gossip.

432
00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,417
"But they really
did a bad thing."

433
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,417
It's still gossip.

434
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,667
"But they sinned first,
don't I get a freebie?"

435
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,875
No, it's gossip.

436
00:20:54,958 --> 00:20:57,083
"Well, what if I say
it's a prayer request?"

437
00:20:57,167 --> 00:21:00,625
Then it's a prayerful
gossip request.

438
00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:03,375
"What if we're in women's
ministry and we're all talking

439
00:21:03,458 --> 00:21:04,833
about our husbands?"

440
00:21:04,875 --> 00:21:06,833
Then you're all gossiping!

441
00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:09,583
"Well, what about if I put
it on my Facebook wall?"

442
00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:11,417
Then you're gossiping
openly and publicly.

443
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,000
"What if I Twitter it?"

444
00:21:13,042 --> 00:21:15,875
Well, then you're inviting
everybody else into it.

445
00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:18,167
You see how it works?

446
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:21,875
In the age of social media, we
are encouraged to talk about

447
00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:26,208
people, not to them, and to
invite others to take offense

448
00:21:26,292 --> 00:21:29,583
for us so that we can amass
a bit of an army

449
00:21:29,667 --> 00:21:32,292
to march against them.

450
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:35,583
And sometimes, in the church,
it does pass itself

451
00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:37,000
as prayer request.

452
00:21:37,042 --> 00:21:38,375
"Please pray for me."

453
00:21:38,458 --> 00:21:39,792
"Oh, well of course!

454
00:21:39,833 --> 00:21:41,167
"Who's against prayer?

455
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:42,583
"Of course I will.

456
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:44,333
What can I pray for you about?"

457
00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:48,708
"My husband is a jackalope."

458
00:21:48,792 --> 00:21:50,167
"Oh yeah, I will.

459
00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:54,833
How is he a jackalope?
I'd like to pray specifically."

460
00:21:54,875 --> 00:21:56,708
"Well, let me tell you."

461
00:21:56,792 --> 00:21:59,208
And then he's at
work, "Pray for me!"

462
00:21:59,292 --> 00:22:00,833
"Oh, why?"

463
00:22:00,875 --> 00:22:05,917
"Well, my wife is a horrendous
former human being.

464
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,333
"She's morphed into
something far less.

465
00:22:08,375 --> 00:22:12,167
"She's gone two people back
on the evolutionary chart.

466
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:14,708
She's very difficult
to live with."

467
00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:16,375
"Oh yes, I will.

468
00:22:16,458 --> 00:22:19,500
Well, what in particular would
you like me to pray for?"

469
00:22:19,583 --> 00:22:23,792
See, when someone comes to you
and they start leaking--because

470
00:22:23,833 --> 00:22:26,583
when you're hurt, you leak.
Right?

471
00:22:26,667 --> 00:22:28,417
Emotionally you start leaking.
It comes out.

472
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,500
And you can see it
on people's face.

473
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:31,917
"What's wrong?"

474
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,833
"Oh, well," then here we go.

475
00:22:33,875 --> 00:22:36,292
What you need to tell them
is, "Wait, wait, wait.

476
00:22:36,333 --> 00:22:39,000
Have you talked to them?
Have you talked to them?"

477
00:22:39,083 --> 00:22:40,875
"No, not yet."

478
00:22:40,958 --> 00:22:44,333
And then what people will
do--because there's a small,

479
00:22:44,375 --> 00:22:48,208
evil attorney that lives
in each of us, right?

480
00:22:48,292 --> 00:22:51,708
And when needed, rises to our
defense with an airtight case

481
00:22:51,792 --> 00:22:53,208
for our sin.

482
00:22:53,292 --> 00:22:54,833
Right?

483
00:22:54,875 --> 00:22:57,000
So then, the small attorney
arises and says, "Well,

484
00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:59,792
they'll never listen, so I'm
not going to talk to them,"

485
00:22:59,833 --> 00:23:02,000
or, "I talked to them
about this last year,"

486
00:23:02,083 --> 00:23:03,792
or, "They do
this all the time,"

487
00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:05,917
or "Someone has already
confronted them," or, you know,

488
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,417
"Pastor Mark just preached on
this and they didn't even

489
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,167
pay attention," or--there's
a lot of answers.

490
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:11,583
Have you talked to them?

491
00:23:11,667 --> 00:23:13,708
"Well, they'll just get mad.
It'll make things worse.

492
00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:15,500
They'll escalate.
They'll get other people."

493
00:23:15,583 --> 00:23:18,708
"Have you talked to them?"
"No."

494
00:23:18,792 --> 00:23:24,500
Then talk to them,
don't talk about them.

495
00:23:24,542 --> 00:23:30,417
Now, let me give you some
practical, practical counsel.

496
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:33,583
When you're really frustrated,
somebody is driving you crazy,

497
00:23:33,667 --> 00:23:35,500
and you've got
a strained relationship,

498
00:23:35,583 --> 00:23:37,667
you may need a lightning rod.

499
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,792
You know what
a lightning rod is?

500
00:23:39,833 --> 00:23:41,792
If you were growing up
where there's lightning,

501
00:23:41,833 --> 00:23:43,167
there's lightning rods.

502
00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:44,708
Without lightning
rods, people die,

503
00:23:44,792 --> 00:23:46,625
so lightning rods
are very important.

504
00:23:46,667 --> 00:23:49,125
What a lightning rod does,
it takes all the energy

505
00:23:49,167 --> 00:23:51,625
and it grounds it out
so nobody dies.

506
00:23:51,667 --> 00:23:54,125
When you're really
frustrated, alright,

507
00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:56,000
you been there?

508
00:23:56,083 --> 00:23:57,875
You're going to need
a lightning rod.

509
00:23:57,958 --> 00:23:59,583
You're going to need somebody,

510
00:23:59,667 --> 00:24:01,500
just, "Gosh!
I'm so frustrated!

511
00:24:01,583 --> 00:24:03,917
I'm so angry!
I'm so hurt!"

512
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,583
Whatever it is to ground out
your storm before you go

513
00:24:07,667 --> 00:24:12,417
talk to that person.

514
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:15,333
Let that be God.

515
00:24:15,375 --> 00:24:17,500
Pray.

516
00:24:17,542 --> 00:24:19,000
Read the Psalms.

517
00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:22,167
If you've not read the Psalms,
the Psalms are a lot of prayers.

518
00:24:22,250 --> 00:24:24,583
Some of them are
lightning rod prayers.

519
00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:26,875
"God, it's a dark day.
I'm depressed.

520
00:24:26,958 --> 00:24:29,500
I want all my enemies to die."

521
00:24:29,583 --> 00:24:31,500
Some of you are like,
"That's in there?

522
00:24:31,583 --> 00:24:34,000
What a great book.
I'm going to start reading it."

523
00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:36,167
Yes, that's the Psalms,
and what that is,

524
00:24:36,250 --> 00:24:38,625
that's allowing God
to be your lightning rod,

525
00:24:38,667 --> 00:24:40,000
because you know what?

526
00:24:40,083 --> 00:24:41,708
God is big enough to handle it.

527
00:24:41,792 --> 00:24:44,292
The God of the Bible can
ground out your storm.

528
00:24:44,333 --> 00:24:46,417
So, you don't accuse
God or yell at God.

529
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:48,167
I'm not saying that,
but you're like,

530
00:24:48,250 --> 00:24:49,583
"Lord, I'm so--"

531
00:24:49,667 --> 00:24:52,333
And this is where you
get alone with God and you

532
00:24:52,375 --> 00:24:54,833
carve out some time for silence,
and solitude, and prayer.

533
00:24:54,875 --> 00:24:57,417
"God, I'm so frustrated.
I'm so hurt.

534
00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:01,708
"Man, I'm just so
disappointed in them.

535
00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:04,583
I'm so worried for them."

536
00:25:04,667 --> 00:25:07,583
Let God be your lightning rod,
ground out your storm so that

537
00:25:07,667 --> 00:25:11,667
then you can go talk to them
in a way that is not to defeat

538
00:25:11,750 --> 00:25:16,417
them, but to invite them to put
their sin to death so that your

539
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:18,500
relationship can be reconciled.

540
00:25:18,542 --> 00:25:20,583
Does that make sense?

541
00:25:20,667 --> 00:25:23,917
You will need
somebody to talk to.

542
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,375
Talk to the Lord, and then
go talk to the person.

543
00:25:28,458 --> 00:25:31,917
Now, here's what it
says in Proverbs 26:20,

544
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,375
the New Living Translation,

545
00:25:34,458 --> 00:25:36,333
"Fire goes out without wood."

546
00:25:36,375 --> 00:25:39,083
Any campers in the house
confirm this as fact?

547
00:25:39,167 --> 00:25:41,708
You run out of wood,
eventually your fire goes out.

548
00:25:41,792 --> 00:25:44,917
"And quarrels disappear
when gossip stops."

549
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,500
You need to look at
interpersonal conflict

550
00:25:47,583 --> 00:25:51,208
like a fire, and the more
you gossip about it,

551
00:25:51,292 --> 00:25:53,917
the more logs you're
throwing on that fire.

552
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:55,917
"I'm going to go
talk to that person."

553
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,333
Another log on the fire.

554
00:25:57,375 --> 00:25:59,000
"I'm going to post
it on Twitter."

555
00:25:59,083 --> 00:26:00,500
Another log on the fire.

556
00:26:00,583 --> 00:26:02,208
"I'm going to put
it on Facebook."

557
00:26:02,292 --> 00:26:03,625
Another log on the fire.

558
00:26:03,667 --> 00:26:05,375
"I'm going to make this
the topic

559
00:26:05,458 --> 00:26:06,792
for Community Group this week."

560
00:26:06,833 --> 00:26:08,500
Another log on the fire.

561
00:26:08,542 --> 00:26:11,292
Next thing you know,
it's an inferno,

562
00:26:11,333 --> 00:26:16,792
and it's going to burn
hot for a long time.

563
00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:20,375
The goal, when there's conflict,
is to not be the one throwing

564
00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:24,875
more logs on the fire, because
that's not a godly thing to do.

565
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:28,625
And the way we put water on the
fire instead of logs on the fire

566
00:26:28,667 --> 00:26:30,500
is we go talk to them.

567
00:26:30,583 --> 00:26:32,083
When we go talk to someone,

568
00:26:32,167 --> 00:26:34,083
we're trying to put water
on the fire.

569
00:26:34,167 --> 00:26:37,083
When we talk about someone,
we're throwing logs on the fire.

570
00:26:37,167 --> 00:26:39,708
How many of you have done this?
Recently?

571
00:26:39,792 --> 00:26:42,500
And you're like,
"Oh, that's why it went..."

572
00:26:42,583 --> 00:26:46,125
Yeah, because now other
people take offense for you,

573
00:26:46,167 --> 00:26:48,708
and they take your side,
and they all show up

574
00:26:48,792 --> 00:26:54,333
for the bonfire with their wood.

575
00:26:54,375 --> 00:26:57,208
Number four, what do you do?

576
00:26:57,292 --> 00:27:01,208
Can you reconcile
simply and privately?

577
00:27:01,292 --> 00:27:04,500
All right, here's what
the Lord Jesus Christ says:

578
00:27:04,583 --> 00:27:08,167
"If he listens to you, you have
gained your brother."

579
00:27:08,250 --> 00:27:12,500
So, what he says is,
"If you've been sinned against,

580
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:15,125
"go talk to them.

581
00:27:15,167 --> 00:27:17,292
"See if you can agree with them.

582
00:27:17,333 --> 00:27:20,625
"See if the two of you can
work this out, and if so,

583
00:27:20,667 --> 00:27:23,083
then it's over."

584
00:27:23,167 --> 00:27:27,500
Just a deep breath, praise God,
give me a hug, glad that's over,

585
00:27:27,583 --> 00:27:29,833
our friendship's back.

586
00:27:29,875 --> 00:27:32,833
That's the goal,
is reconciliation.

587
00:27:32,875 --> 00:27:35,792
The confronting of the sin
is never to crush somebody,

588
00:27:35,833 --> 00:27:39,125
but to invite them to turn away
from the sin

589
00:27:39,167 --> 00:27:43,292
that Jesus was crushed for.

590
00:27:43,333 --> 00:27:46,667
Since Jesus already died for our
sin, if we're two Christians,

591
00:27:46,750 --> 00:27:49,708
we don't want to punish someone
for their sin because Jesus was

592
00:27:49,792 --> 00:27:54,500
already punished, but we want
to invite them to walk away from

593
00:27:54,583 --> 00:27:59,125
their sin and to walk with
us and to walk with Jesus.

594
00:27:59,167 --> 00:28:01,125
That's the goal.

595
00:28:01,167 --> 00:28:03,625
Can you work it out
between the two of you?

596
00:28:03,667 --> 00:28:05,500
That's the big question.

597
00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:08,208
And here, the reason, when we're
talking about reconciliation,

598
00:28:08,292 --> 00:28:10,917
for picking this text is,
there are a lot of other

599
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,833
case scenarios and variables,

600
00:28:12,875 --> 00:28:15,333
but most of the time,
in a church,

601
00:28:15,375 --> 00:28:18,333
this is where the bulk
of the conflict lies:

602
00:28:18,375 --> 00:28:20,875
interpersonal conflict.

603
00:28:20,958 --> 00:28:24,792
And if we don't have a process
by which to resolve it

604
00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:27,500
and work toward reconciliation,
then what we end up with

605
00:28:27,583 --> 00:28:30,083
is anarchy and division.

606
00:28:30,167 --> 00:28:32,833
This is where people's feelings
get hurt, they leave the church,

607
00:28:32,875 --> 00:28:34,792
they--you know,
they're frustrated.

608
00:28:34,833 --> 00:28:37,417
This is where friends
are no longer friends.

609
00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:40,917
This is where businesses sever
because the partners

610
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,625
can't work it out.

611
00:28:42,667 --> 00:28:44,833
This is where
families are strained,

612
00:28:44,875 --> 00:28:47,917
and tempers are flared,
and voices are raised,

613
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,292
and holidays are awkward.

614
00:28:51,333 --> 00:28:53,583
This could even be
in your own marriage,

615
00:28:53,667 --> 00:28:56,083
to where there's a series
of issues in your marriage

616
00:28:56,167 --> 00:28:58,417
that are like grenades.

617
00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:01,583
Don't talk about that, don't get
into that, don't go near that,

618
00:29:01,667 --> 00:29:03,708
it'll explode.

619
00:29:03,792 --> 00:29:08,792
And our life becomes managing
instead of reconciling.

620
00:29:08,833 --> 00:29:13,000
Can you reconcile
simply and privately?

621
00:29:13,042 --> 00:29:15,000
The two of you work it out,

622
00:29:15,083 --> 00:29:17,708
a whole bunch of people
don't need to get involved,

623
00:29:17,792 --> 00:29:20,417
and a lot of water
goes on that fire,

624
00:29:20,500 --> 00:29:22,833
not a lot of logs.

625
00:29:22,875 --> 00:29:27,625
As I've said, don't use
Twitter, don't use your blog,

626
00:29:27,667 --> 00:29:31,917
don't use Facebook,
because that's not private.

627
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:36,500
Don't use a mass group e-mail,
don't couch it in terms of

628
00:29:36,583 --> 00:29:40,500
a prayer request for
a large number of people.

629
00:29:40,583 --> 00:29:42,125
Go talk to them.

630
00:29:42,167 --> 00:29:44,625
Talk to the Lord
and talk to them,

631
00:29:44,667 --> 00:29:49,625
and do it, as often as is
possible, face-to-face.

632
00:29:49,667 --> 00:29:54,000
And I think Jesus is
going that direction here.

633
00:29:54,042 --> 00:29:57,333
He says, "Go tell
him his faults."

634
00:29:57,375 --> 00:30:01,500
So, you're going to them for
a face-to-face conversation.

635
00:30:01,583 --> 00:30:04,792
And Gracie and I unpacked this
in the "Real Marriage" book,

636
00:30:04,833 --> 00:30:07,375
but there's relationships
that are back-to-back,

637
00:30:07,458 --> 00:30:10,000
you've really become enemies;
there's relationships that are

638
00:30:10,083 --> 00:30:12,625
shoulder-to-shoulder, you've
sort of learned to coexist

639
00:30:12,667 --> 00:30:15,500
somewhat peaceably,
but you're not really close;

640
00:30:15,542 --> 00:30:18,000
and then there are relationships
that are face-to-face,

641
00:30:18,083 --> 00:30:20,833
and that's the Bible's
language for friendship.

642
00:30:20,875 --> 00:30:23,500
That's why it says in
1 Corinthians 13 that one day

643
00:30:23,583 --> 00:30:25,083
we'll see the Lord Jesus how?

644
00:30:25,167 --> 00:30:26,917
Face-to-face.

645
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,208
That's what friends do.

646
00:30:29,292 --> 00:30:32,625
The best way to reconcile
a strained relationship

647
00:30:32,667 --> 00:30:35,917
is two people--and don't do
this in a public place,

648
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,500
because one of you
may need to be honest,

649
00:30:38,583 --> 00:30:41,500
or the other one
may get tearful.

650
00:30:41,583 --> 00:30:45,708
Somewhere safe, somewhere
neutral, somewhere private.

651
00:30:45,792 --> 00:30:48,625
And again, we're not talking
about a dangerous person

652
00:30:48,667 --> 00:30:51,167
who has assaulted you
or sexually assaulted you.

653
00:30:51,250 --> 00:30:53,208
You call the police for that.

654
00:30:53,292 --> 00:30:55,083
You don't meet
one-on-one, privately,

655
00:30:55,167 --> 00:30:58,000
under those kinds
of circumstances.

656
00:30:58,083 --> 00:31:01,208
But where you're offended
and hurt and there needs to be

657
00:31:01,292 --> 00:31:04,500
reconciliation, the two of you
sitting down--because you know

658
00:31:04,542 --> 00:31:09,500
as well as I do, you get more
information face-to-face than

659
00:31:09,542 --> 00:31:11,417
any other form of communication.

660
00:31:11,500 --> 00:31:12,917
Right?

661
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:18,625
Body language, facial
expressions, tone says a lot.

662
00:31:18,667 --> 00:31:21,000
How many of you have gotten
an e-mail and completely

663
00:31:21,083 --> 00:31:23,583
misinterpreted it because you
didn't get all that

664
00:31:23,667 --> 00:31:26,667
non-verbal information?

665
00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:30,625
You read something online and
you completely misinterpreted,

666
00:31:30,667 --> 00:31:33,667
or perhaps you've been
misinterpreted because you don't

667
00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:36,708
get all that non-verbal
communication.

668
00:31:36,792 --> 00:31:39,500
Someone sits down, their
shoulders are slumped.

669
00:31:39,542 --> 00:31:41,500
You say, "You know,
you sinned against me."

670
00:31:41,542 --> 00:31:44,208
And they look at you and
there's tears in their eyes,

671
00:31:44,292 --> 00:31:46,708
and they say, "You're right,
and I have felt terrible,

672
00:31:46,792 --> 00:31:48,125
and I'm really sorry."

673
00:31:48,167 --> 00:31:50,500
Well, that sort of
settles it right there.

674
00:31:50,583 --> 00:31:53,417
"Will you please forgive me?"
"Yeah."

675
00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:56,708
And see, what can happen
is when we become bitter,

676
00:31:56,792 --> 00:31:58,708
we interpret everything
through the lens of bitterness,

677
00:31:58,792 --> 00:32:01,375
meaning someone might
even be apologizing,

678
00:32:01,458 --> 00:32:05,083
but we hear it in a way
that's not even hopeful.

679
00:32:05,167 --> 00:32:07,208
The face-to-face
takes that away.

680
00:32:07,292 --> 00:32:09,500
This is why, back to
the parenting illustration,

681
00:32:09,583 --> 00:32:12,917
with our kids, one of the things
I like to do--because some of my

682
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:16,500
kids are a little more timid,
and so they'll be sinned against

683
00:32:16,583 --> 00:32:19,417
and they'll want to get
me involved immediately, right?

684
00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:21,000
"Dad, you need to get involved."

685
00:32:21,042 --> 00:32:22,500
"Okay, what happened?"

686
00:32:22,542 --> 00:32:25,208
"Well, they da, da, da,
da, da, da, da, da, da."

687
00:32:25,292 --> 00:32:27,625
"Okay, well, wait, wait, wait.
Have you talked to them?"

688
00:32:27,667 --> 00:32:29,375
"No, I have not talked to them.

689
00:32:29,458 --> 00:32:32,375
That's why I'm bringing you in.
I'm looking for the big gun."

690
00:32:32,458 --> 00:32:34,583
"Well, okay, now wait.
You need to be brave.

691
00:32:34,667 --> 00:32:37,083
"You need to go ask
them to talk to you.

692
00:32:37,167 --> 00:32:38,625
"You need to pull them aside

693
00:32:38,667 --> 00:32:40,125
"so that everybody else
isn't watching.

694
00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:42,833
"You need to tell them exactly
what sin they committed against

695
00:32:42,875 --> 00:32:46,125
"you, you need to tell them
how that made you feel,

696
00:32:46,167 --> 00:32:48,833
"and you need to ask
them to apologize,

697
00:32:48,875 --> 00:32:51,167
and then you need
to forgive them."

698
00:32:51,250 --> 00:32:53,125
So, for our kids, you know,

699
00:32:53,167 --> 00:32:55,583
the process is
the offended party

700
00:32:55,667 --> 00:32:57,792
will go to the offender,
and I tell them,

701
00:32:57,833 --> 00:32:59,500
"Look one another in the eye."

702
00:32:59,542 --> 00:33:01,375
Right?

703
00:33:01,458 --> 00:33:03,167
One of them's
playing video games,

704
00:33:03,250 --> 00:33:05,208
put the joystick
or controller down.

705
00:33:05,292 --> 00:33:10,708
I just revealed my
age, which is elderly.

706
00:33:10,792 --> 00:33:16,292
And, you know, no phone,
no TV, no distraction.

707
00:33:18,583 --> 00:33:20,417
Look one another in the eye.

708
00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:22,417
And what happens is
most of the time,

709
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:24,125
what do you think the kids do?

710
00:33:24,167 --> 00:33:25,500
They get teared up.

711
00:33:25,583 --> 00:33:27,708
"Hey, when you said
that, when you did that,

712
00:33:27,792 --> 00:33:31,125
"that was a sin and it really
hurt me, and here's how I feel,

713
00:33:31,167 --> 00:33:32,625
and I need you to apologize."

714
00:33:32,667 --> 00:33:34,500
Then I ask
the offended party,

715
00:33:34,542 --> 00:33:38,000
"Well, you need to repent
not just of sin,

716
00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:40,833
you need to repent
of this specific sin."

717
00:33:40,875 --> 00:33:45,708
"I'm sorry that I said or did
'blank,'" not just, "Sorry!"

718
00:33:45,792 --> 00:33:48,625
How many of you were those kids?
Right?

719
00:33:48,667 --> 00:33:52,500
Like, you're basically
a very small terrorist, right,

720
00:33:52,583 --> 00:33:56,000
is what you are as a child, just
walking around hitting children

721
00:33:56,083 --> 00:34:00,125
indiscriminately, throwing
things, blowing things up.

722
00:34:00,167 --> 00:34:02,708
You're just a very
small terrorist.

723
00:34:02,792 --> 00:34:06,667
And so one of your
victims gets hurt,

724
00:34:06,750 --> 00:34:11,375
and so they run to their parents
or your joint parent and say,

725
00:34:11,458 --> 00:34:13,708
you know, "Tommy hit
me with a Tonka truck.

726
00:34:13,792 --> 00:34:16,500
He waylaid me,"
or "Jenny pulled all my hair.

727
00:34:16,583 --> 00:34:19,333
You can see it's missing."
Okay?

728
00:34:19,375 --> 00:34:22,000
And then the parent says,
"Tell them you're sorry!"

729
00:34:22,083 --> 00:34:25,833
And the small terrorist just
is like, "Sorry!"

730
00:34:25,875 --> 00:34:27,333
"Okay, well that's over."

731
00:34:27,375 --> 00:34:30,625
No, it's not, because that's not
reconciliation and that's not

732
00:34:30,667 --> 00:34:35,083
the person apologizing
or repenting.

733
00:34:35,167 --> 00:34:39,417
They don't have a change of
heart, mind, or attitude.

734
00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:41,667
"You sinned against me.
You said or did this.

735
00:34:41,750 --> 00:34:43,083
"Here's how I feel.

736
00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:45,000
I need you to acknowledge
that and apologize."

737
00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:48,083
"You're right,
I'm sorry, I did."

738
00:34:48,167 --> 00:34:50,625
Then I have the child
ask this question:

739
00:34:50,667 --> 00:34:53,333
"Will you please forgive me?"

740
00:34:53,375 --> 00:34:57,417
And then the other child
has to forgive them.

741
00:34:57,500 --> 00:34:58,833
Now, I'll be honest.

742
00:34:58,875 --> 00:35:02,292
Sometimes this kid says, "No."

743
00:35:02,333 --> 00:35:06,667
Now we go to Ephesians 4
and we deal with bitterness,

744
00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:09,500
but I've had some
of my kids say,

745
00:35:09,583 --> 00:35:12,417
"I need to think
and pray about that,"

746
00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:15,125
and they'll go think about
it and come back and say,

747
00:35:15,167 --> 00:35:16,667
"Yes, I do forgive you."

748
00:35:16,750 --> 00:35:20,167
And then what I make them do, I
make them hug each other, okay,

749
00:35:20,250 --> 00:35:24,292
and pray together.

750
00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:30,208
Now, my hope is that my children
grow up to have Christian

751
00:35:30,292 --> 00:35:34,333
friendship with one another
and to have some life skills

752
00:35:34,375 --> 00:35:38,667
and some habits in place
based upon Matthew 18

753
00:35:38,750 --> 00:35:41,583
that carry into their marriage,
their parenting,

754
00:35:41,667 --> 00:35:44,208
their ministry,
and their business.

755
00:35:44,292 --> 00:35:47,375
That's the hope.

756
00:35:47,458 --> 00:35:53,167
Can you resolve it or reconcile
it simply and privately?

757
00:35:53,250 --> 00:35:56,125
Now, let me give you
a pastoral, practical tip.

758
00:35:56,167 --> 00:35:59,208
Before you go meet
with them face-to-face,

759
00:35:59,292 --> 00:36:03,125
you may need to spend some
time fasting and praying,

760
00:36:03,167 --> 00:36:07,375
even for a few days,
to prepare your heart, alright,

761
00:36:07,458 --> 00:36:09,417
so that you can do
Galatians 6,

762
00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:13,875
which is to be gentle,
to be godly.

763
00:36:13,958 --> 00:36:17,208
Here's another tip, because
some of you are more timid.

764
00:36:17,292 --> 00:36:21,625
You don't like conflict,
you've got fear of man issues.

765
00:36:21,667 --> 00:36:25,000
Write down the big points
of what you want to say,

766
00:36:25,042 --> 00:36:27,500
so that when you meet,
and you're emotional,

767
00:36:27,542 --> 00:36:31,500
and you're looking at them, you
have your thoughts organized

768
00:36:31,583 --> 00:36:34,292
so that you can hit everything,
because there's nothing worse

769
00:36:34,333 --> 00:36:37,208
than meeting with someone,
working it out, walking away,

770
00:36:37,292 --> 00:36:39,667
and realizing, "Oh, I
forgot to get into that.

771
00:36:39,750 --> 00:36:41,833
Let's do it again."

772
00:36:41,875 --> 00:36:44,500
Ideally, you'd do it at once.

773
00:36:44,583 --> 00:36:46,708
So, organize your thoughts.

774
00:36:46,792 --> 00:36:49,125
When you meet, open in prayer.

775
00:36:49,167 --> 00:36:51,625
Invite the Lord Jesus
to be in your midst,

776
00:36:51,667 --> 00:36:54,625
as he promises a bit later
in this text that he is,

777
00:36:54,667 --> 00:36:57,333
and acknowledge his presence.

778
00:36:57,375 --> 00:37:01,000
And then tell them, "You know,
I have some things written down

779
00:37:01,083 --> 00:37:03,083
"and I'd like to present
those to you,

780
00:37:03,167 --> 00:37:04,708
"and while I present those,

781
00:37:04,792 --> 00:37:06,583
"I'd appreciate if you didn't
get defensive

782
00:37:06,667 --> 00:37:08,000
"or argue at every point.

783
00:37:08,042 --> 00:37:10,167
"Hear me out, and then let's
talk about this,

784
00:37:10,250 --> 00:37:11,667
"and then let's see.

785
00:37:11,750 --> 00:37:16,500
Let's see if we can't work
toward reconciliation."

786
00:37:16,583 --> 00:37:21,917
Number five: if you
cannot reconcile,

787
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,333
what godly neutral
mediators would help?

788
00:37:25,375 --> 00:37:27,708
So, let's say you meet
with them, you say,

789
00:37:27,792 --> 00:37:30,333
"Okay, here's the issue,"
and they say, "I disagree.

790
00:37:30,375 --> 00:37:32,083
"You're wrong.
I'm justified.

791
00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:33,500
I will not apologize,"

792
00:37:33,583 --> 00:37:36,292
or, "What I've said or done,
I'm not going to change.

793
00:37:36,333 --> 00:37:38,292
"I won't be repenting,
changing my direction.

794
00:37:38,333 --> 00:37:42,500
It's going to continue like
this because this is how I am."

795
00:37:42,583 --> 00:37:46,917
Well, here's what the Lord Jesus
says under those circumstances.

796
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,417
"But if he does not listen,
take one or two others along,

797
00:37:50,500 --> 00:37:52,833
"that every charge may be
established by the evidence

798
00:37:52,875 --> 00:37:54,500
of two or three witnesses."

799
00:37:54,583 --> 00:37:57,875
So, now we're talking about
a charge, not just a concern,

800
00:37:57,958 --> 00:37:59,583
but a charge.

801
00:37:59,667 --> 00:38:02,000
Now it's getting
a little more formal.

802
00:38:02,042 --> 00:38:04,833
What he's talking about
here is--some would call it,

803
00:38:04,875 --> 00:38:07,792
in the secular world,
a bit of an intervention.

804
00:38:07,833 --> 00:38:10,125
This is where two or three
people--you bring along

805
00:38:10,167 --> 00:38:11,500
a few other people.

806
00:38:11,583 --> 00:38:14,375
The Lord Jesus leaves it
a bit flexible so that we

807
00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:17,792
can ascertain what would be
best in each circumstance.

808
00:38:17,833 --> 00:38:20,417
He says, "Bring along
two or three witnesses,"

809
00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:22,417
and these are mediators.

810
00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,333
These are counselors.

811
00:38:24,375 --> 00:38:26,875
These are neutral third parties.

812
00:38:26,958 --> 00:38:30,792
Don't bring along everybody
who agrees with you, okay,

813
00:38:30,833 --> 00:38:33,208
because that's
a gang initiation.

814
00:38:33,292 --> 00:38:35,000
Okay?
That's what that is.

815
00:38:35,083 --> 00:38:37,208
We're all here to jump you.
Okay?

816
00:38:37,292 --> 00:38:39,667
How many of you have
felt set up that way?

817
00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:42,167
You show up to meet with
somebody and they bring

818
00:38:42,250 --> 00:38:43,667
everybody who agrees with them.

819
00:38:43,750 --> 00:38:46,000
This is not neutral
or objective, right?

820
00:38:46,042 --> 00:38:48,917
These people are taking
the position, to some degree,

821
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:50,917
like a judge.

822
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,708
They're going to look at all
the evidence and help these

823
00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:57,667
conflicted parties come to some
resolution and reconciliation.

824
00:38:57,750 --> 00:39:00,333
This could be
a Community Group leader,

825
00:39:00,375 --> 00:39:02,125
this could be
a Redemption Group leader,

826
00:39:02,167 --> 00:39:05,125
this could be a godly person
or a godly couple that

827
00:39:05,167 --> 00:39:08,083
the two of you really admire,
and trust, and look up to,

828
00:39:08,167 --> 00:39:09,708
and they have innate
spiritual authority.

829
00:39:09,792 --> 00:39:11,833
This could be
a biblical counselor,

830
00:39:11,875 --> 00:39:14,167
this could be a Christian
conciliation service

831
00:39:14,250 --> 00:39:16,333
or a peacemaker ministry.

832
00:39:16,375 --> 00:39:17,708
You know?

833
00:39:17,792 --> 00:39:19,667
There's different ways
that this could play out.

834
00:39:19,750 --> 00:39:21,125
This could be their
family members.

835
00:39:21,167 --> 00:39:23,833
Maybe there's self-destructive
behavior of gambling,

836
00:39:23,875 --> 00:39:26,792
or alcohol, or drugs,
or something like that,

837
00:39:26,833 --> 00:39:29,708
and you say, "Man, their parents
love them and they respect

838
00:39:29,792 --> 00:39:33,208
"their parents, and maybe
involving godly,

839
00:39:33,292 --> 00:39:36,500
"loving people who are not
against them but care for them

840
00:39:36,583 --> 00:39:39,083
would be helpful
in this moment."

841
00:39:39,167 --> 00:39:42,000
Here's what you don't do: you
don't just bring in everybody

842
00:39:42,042 --> 00:39:43,625
who agrees with you.

843
00:39:43,667 --> 00:39:45,833
You try to, in as
much as you're able,

844
00:39:45,875 --> 00:39:47,208
bring in somebody
that's neutral.

845
00:39:47,292 --> 00:39:49,917
And sometimes you can even
negotiate this with the person

846
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:51,917
who's offended or you
think is offended.

847
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,708
Say, "Okay, look.
We don't agree.

848
00:39:53,792 --> 00:39:58,125
"Let's let somebody else play
umpire, referee on this.

849
00:39:58,167 --> 00:40:01,583
"Who can we mutually agree to
to sit down with that we both

850
00:40:01,667 --> 00:40:04,375
submit to,
and have them help us?"

851
00:40:04,458 --> 00:40:06,917
And sometimes you can even
negotiate and say,

852
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:10,417
"Well, so-and-so's godly," or,
"That couple's really godly,

853
00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:12,583
"and I'd be happy
to meet with them,

854
00:40:12,667 --> 00:40:14,792
and let's let them
help us sort this out."

855
00:40:14,833 --> 00:40:17,500
"Okay, so we both agree
who's going to help us here,"

856
00:40:17,583 --> 00:40:19,833
and sometimes that takes away
the conflict over who

857
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:22,500
the mediator even is.

858
00:40:22,542 --> 00:40:24,833
But, at this point too,
you've got to ask,

859
00:40:24,875 --> 00:40:27,500
"Is it that big of a deal?

860
00:40:27,583 --> 00:40:30,000
"Do I want to continue
to pursue this?"

861
00:40:30,042 --> 00:40:32,500
Or back to the previous proverb,

862
00:40:32,542 --> 00:40:35,500
"Is this where I overlook
the offense?

863
00:40:35,542 --> 00:40:37,833
"You know, it's not
that big of a deal.

864
00:40:37,875 --> 00:40:41,208
"I'm going to let it go at this
point because this is where it

865
00:40:41,292 --> 00:40:43,208
starts to transition
from informal to formal,

866
00:40:43,292 --> 00:40:44,833
with that language
of 'a charge.'"

867
00:40:44,875 --> 00:40:48,500
Now, for those of you who are
brought in as the mediator,

868
00:40:48,583 --> 00:40:53,333
the umpire, the third party,
Proverbs 18:17 is for you:

869
00:40:53,375 --> 00:40:55,500
"The one who states his
case first seems right,

870
00:40:55,583 --> 00:40:58,292
until the other comes
along and examines him."

871
00:40:58,333 --> 00:41:00,917
Here's what he's saying:
"The first guy to say it

872
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,417
sounds like he's right."

873
00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:06,333
Have you ever had
that situation?

874
00:41:06,375 --> 00:41:10,375
Let me say this: oftentimes
the guilty party speaks loudest

875
00:41:10,458 --> 00:41:15,667
and first, because they're
trying to establish the story.

876
00:41:15,750 --> 00:41:19,333
I can tell you this: just
because they're your friend,

877
00:41:19,375 --> 00:41:22,708
family member, coworker, don't
immediately take their side.

878
00:41:22,792 --> 00:41:26,625
Don't play
devil's advocate, but say,

879
00:41:26,667 --> 00:41:28,500
"I'm very sorry
you feel that way.

880
00:41:28,542 --> 00:41:30,333
"That sounds horrible.

881
00:41:30,375 --> 00:41:32,125
"I don't know all
the facts, however,

882
00:41:32,167 --> 00:41:36,000
and I don't want to rush
to a premature conclusion."

883
00:41:36,042 --> 00:41:38,417
When people are very emotional
and they're inviting you in

884
00:41:38,500 --> 00:41:40,708
to take their side
and take offense for them,

885
00:41:40,792 --> 00:41:43,125
you need to be godly and
work toward reconciliation,

886
00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:45,875
not just enabling your friend.

887
00:41:45,958 --> 00:41:47,292
I'll give you an example.

888
00:41:47,333 --> 00:41:50,417
Early on in ministry, there
was a gal engaged to a guy.

889
00:41:50,500 --> 00:41:52,125
They both said they
were Christian,

890
00:41:52,167 --> 00:41:55,917
showed up at Mars Hill, and she
broke off the engagement

891
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,625
a few weeks before the wedding,
okay?

892
00:41:58,667 --> 00:42:00,917
And she didn't really say
anything because she was

893
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,333
humiliated, embarrassed,

894
00:42:02,375 --> 00:42:04,500
and didn't want everybody
in her business.

895
00:42:04,542 --> 00:42:07,917
And so he just told everybody,
"Yeah, she dumped me.

896
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,833
"She dumped me right
before the wedding.

897
00:42:09,875 --> 00:42:12,333
"We got all these plans made,
and invitations sent out,

898
00:42:12,375 --> 00:42:14,083
and she just dumped me."

899
00:42:14,167 --> 00:42:17,125
Well, then, everybody's talking
about it because the church

900
00:42:17,167 --> 00:42:19,000
was small at that point.

901
00:42:19,042 --> 00:42:20,417
"Oh, what a horrible woman.

902
00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:22,208
She did such a terrible thing."

903
00:42:22,292 --> 00:42:25,000
What he didn't say was that he
had been sleeping with

904
00:42:25,042 --> 00:42:28,417
her best friend
and got her pregnant.

905
00:42:28,500 --> 00:42:33,125
Would you agree, yes or no,
those are variables that

906
00:42:33,167 --> 00:42:37,792
factor in to the marriage?

907
00:42:40,500 --> 00:42:42,667
He didn't say that.

908
00:42:42,750 --> 00:42:45,167
He didn't say, "I was
sleeping with her best friend,

909
00:42:45,250 --> 00:42:48,500
got her pregnant."

910
00:42:48,583 --> 00:42:50,708
What he said was,
"She dumped me."

911
00:42:50,792 --> 00:42:54,292
"Oh, I'm so sorry.
That's so sad.

912
00:42:54,333 --> 00:42:57,583
"You're going to lose money,
and people had flights booked,

913
00:42:57,667 --> 00:42:59,375
and that's horrible."

914
00:42:59,458 --> 00:43:01,500
A lot of people
rushed to his side.

915
00:43:01,583 --> 00:43:03,000
But she's in this hard position

916
00:43:03,083 --> 00:43:04,708
because if she tells
the whole story,

917
00:43:04,792 --> 00:43:06,917
she feels a little embarrassed
and awkward about it,

918
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,417
and she doesn't know if
it's her position to expose

919
00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:11,792
this other woman who's now
pregnant with his baby.

920
00:43:11,833 --> 00:43:13,792
I mean, it's
a little complicated, right?

921
00:43:13,833 --> 00:43:18,000
We've got ourselves
a Jerry Springer episode.

922
00:43:18,083 --> 00:43:20,792
And over time, those people
who ran to his defense,

923
00:43:20,833 --> 00:43:22,167
and, "She's horrible.

924
00:43:22,250 --> 00:43:23,667
I can't believe she did that,"

925
00:43:23,750 --> 00:43:25,875
they had to come back to her
and what?

926
00:43:25,958 --> 00:43:27,292
Apologize.

927
00:43:27,333 --> 00:43:29,500
"I'm sorry.
I didn't know the whole story."

928
00:43:29,583 --> 00:43:35,167
Let me say this: rarely do
you know the whole story.

929
00:43:35,250 --> 00:43:38,417
Rarely do you know
the whole story.

930
00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:43,500
So, those godly, neutral
mediators, if you're invited in,

931
00:43:43,583 --> 00:43:46,333
make sure to hear both sides.

932
00:43:46,375 --> 00:43:49,500
And in the day of technology
where people get to present

933
00:43:49,583 --> 00:43:53,917
their case first, Proverbs 18:17
is more true than ever.

934
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,208
They seem right.

935
00:43:56,292 --> 00:43:58,625
And sometimes people want
to present the rest

936
00:43:58,667 --> 00:44:03,417
of the information and sometimes
they don't for personal reasons.

937
00:44:03,500 --> 00:44:05,000
See, we've got
a church, friends,

938
00:44:05,083 --> 00:44:07,500
where if you just took all
the women who were

939
00:44:07,583 --> 00:44:10,208
sexually assaulted, we'd still
have a megachurch,

940
00:44:10,292 --> 00:44:13,208
and so sometimes they don't want
to tell the whole story because

941
00:44:13,292 --> 00:44:15,500
they don't want the whole
world in their business,

942
00:44:15,542 --> 00:44:17,500
and just because their
offender gives his side

943
00:44:17,542 --> 00:44:19,000
of the story first,

944
00:44:19,083 --> 00:44:20,833
don't automatically
and immediately think that

945
00:44:20,875 --> 00:44:22,625
that's the whole story.

946
00:44:22,667 --> 00:44:25,083
You get the picture?

947
00:44:25,167 --> 00:44:29,208
Number six:

948
00:44:29,292 --> 00:44:33,083
has your conflict escalated
to a formal process?

949
00:44:33,167 --> 00:44:36,500
So, you've realized it is a big
deal, we have to deal with it.

950
00:44:36,542 --> 00:44:38,583
It is a sin, not
just an annoyance.

951
00:44:38,667 --> 00:44:40,708
I have talked to them,
it didn't go anywhere.

952
00:44:40,792 --> 00:44:44,167
I brought in some godly people
and we didn't make any progress.

953
00:44:44,250 --> 00:44:46,000
It's still going.

954
00:44:46,083 --> 00:44:47,500
They're still doing it.

955
00:44:47,542 --> 00:44:48,875
It's a problem.

956
00:44:48,958 --> 00:44:50,292
It's become an issue.

957
00:44:50,333 --> 00:44:52,000
Yes, we need to pick it up.

958
00:44:52,083 --> 00:44:53,500
Here's what the Lord Jesus says:

959
00:44:53,583 --> 00:44:56,500
"If he refuses to listen to
them, tell it to the church."

960
00:44:56,583 --> 00:44:59,000
What he's talking about here
is bringing in some godly

961
00:44:59,083 --> 00:45:00,917
spiritual authority.

962
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:02,625
This is where it
officially transitions

963
00:45:02,667 --> 00:45:05,208
from informal to formal.

964
00:45:05,292 --> 00:45:09,500
This is where the wife says,
"You can't be married to me

965
00:45:09,583 --> 00:45:13,167
and have a girlfriend."

966
00:45:13,250 --> 00:45:14,583
Right?

967
00:45:14,667 --> 00:45:17,500
This is where the wife says,
"You can't say you're

968
00:45:17,583 --> 00:45:21,875
a Christian dad who
hits our kids."

969
00:45:21,958 --> 00:45:24,083
Right?

970
00:45:24,167 --> 00:45:28,792
This is where the man says, "You
can't be the Christian mother

971
00:45:28,833 --> 00:45:34,083
"of our children running
around on me.

972
00:45:34,167 --> 00:45:36,708
"You can't be the Christian
mother of our children

973
00:45:36,792 --> 00:45:42,500
"gambling away all of our money
while I'm at work.

974
00:45:42,583 --> 00:45:44,333
"This has to stop.

975
00:45:44,375 --> 00:45:47,417
"We can't just keep doing this.

976
00:45:47,500 --> 00:45:50,833
I love you, but
this has to stop."

977
00:45:50,875 --> 00:45:53,000
And this is where
it becomes formal.

978
00:45:53,083 --> 00:45:56,917
This could be--what he's talking
about here is godly

979
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,417
spiritual leadership.

980
00:45:58,500 --> 00:46:01,417
Biblical counselor, again,
maybe a Christian conciliation

981
00:46:01,500 --> 00:46:04,417
service, a Christian
peacemaker ministry,

982
00:46:04,500 --> 00:46:08,500
maybe leaders in the church,

983
00:46:08,583 --> 00:46:11,208
and someone else coming in
and saying,

984
00:46:11,292 --> 00:46:15,333
"Please, we love you,
we want to help you.

985
00:46:15,375 --> 00:46:18,500
"What you're doing
is just not right.

986
00:46:18,542 --> 00:46:21,667
"It's an offense against God,
it's breaking people's hearts,

987
00:46:21,750 --> 00:46:23,917
"it's causing so much trouble.

988
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:26,083
"We want to help you.

989
00:46:26,167 --> 00:46:28,708
"Please, would you
let us help you?

990
00:46:28,792 --> 00:46:31,000
"Would you acknowledge
that this is a problem?

991
00:46:31,083 --> 00:46:33,375
"Would you invite us in?
Don't get hard-hearted.

992
00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:36,792
Don't get stiff-necked.
Don't get self-defensive."

993
00:46:36,833 --> 00:46:38,292
Right?

994
00:46:38,333 --> 00:46:41,000
"We're family, we love
you, we're here to help."

995
00:46:41,083 --> 00:46:45,208
That's the tone of it.

996
00:46:45,292 --> 00:46:47,917
And it is an act of love, right?

997
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:51,125
It's an act of love
for the glory of God.

998
00:46:51,167 --> 00:46:53,125
If they profess
to be a Christian

999
00:46:53,167 --> 00:46:56,625
and they're violating
God's will and Word,

1000
00:46:56,667 --> 00:46:59,125
it's an act of love
to the glory of God

1001
00:46:59,167 --> 00:47:00,625
to address it.

1002
00:47:00,667 --> 00:47:03,125
It's an act of love for
the person who's sinning

1003
00:47:03,167 --> 00:47:07,417
because they're destroying
their life.

1004
00:47:07,500 --> 00:47:09,917
Hebrews quotes
Proverbs and says,

1005
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,125
"No discipline at
the time seems pleasant."

1006
00:47:13,167 --> 00:47:15,625
You ever disciplined a kid,
and they looked at you,

1007
00:47:15,667 --> 00:47:18,708
and their first response
was, "Thank you."

1008
00:47:18,792 --> 00:47:22,208
No, "Thank you"
usually comes later.

1009
00:47:22,292 --> 00:47:26,375
They're harming themselves
and you're trying to help them,

1010
00:47:26,458 --> 00:47:29,333
and at first they may
feel a little defensive,

1011
00:47:29,375 --> 00:47:32,625
but over time, they'll come back
and say, "Thanks.

1012
00:47:32,667 --> 00:47:36,083
"I was going a bad direction
and you helped me with

1013
00:47:36,167 --> 00:47:38,708
a course correction."

1014
00:47:38,792 --> 00:47:40,500
It's loving for
the glory of God.

1015
00:47:40,583 --> 00:47:41,917
It's loving for the offender.

1016
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:45,500
It's loving for the offended,
the person who keeps being hurt

1017
00:47:45,583 --> 00:47:47,917
and sinned against.

1018
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,333
"It needs to stop.

1019
00:47:49,375 --> 00:47:50,708
You're hurting them."

1020
00:47:50,792 --> 00:47:54,208
And it's also loving for
those who are implicated.

1021
00:47:54,292 --> 00:47:57,333
The family and friends who are
Christian or even non-Christian

1022
00:47:57,375 --> 00:48:01,125
are looking at it,
and they're implicated in it,

1023
00:48:01,167 --> 00:48:04,667
it's loving for them as well.

1024
00:48:04,750 --> 00:48:09,667
Has it escalated to
a formal process?

1025
00:48:09,750 --> 00:48:13,917
Hopefully, at that point,
the person says,

1026
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:17,500
"Okay, I need help."

1027
00:48:17,583 --> 00:48:18,917
Great, then there's
reconciliation.

1028
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,125
"Let me hug you.
Let me pray for you.

1029
00:48:21,167 --> 00:48:23,333
"It's hard, it's awkward,
but how can we help?

1030
00:48:23,375 --> 00:48:25,417
What do we need to do?
We're family."

1031
00:48:25,500 --> 00:48:30,917
Sometimes they say, "No.
I won't.

1032
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,792
"I'm going to keep
committing adultery.

1033
00:48:33,833 --> 00:48:38,625
"I'm going to keep getting
drunk and destroying my family.

1034
00:48:38,667 --> 00:48:41,000
"I'm going to keep gambling
away all our money.

1035
00:48:41,042 --> 00:48:43,917
"I'm going to keep
doing what I'm doing.

1036
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:48,375
I want Jesus and porn."

1037
00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:52,667
Number seven: is it
time to part ways?

1038
00:48:52,750 --> 00:48:56,500
Here's what the Lord Jesus says,
"And if he refuses to listen

1039
00:48:56,583 --> 00:48:59,417
"to even the church, let him be
to you as a Gentile

1040
00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:02,000
and a tax collector."

1041
00:49:02,042 --> 00:49:04,792
Now, for us, a bit
historically removed,

1042
00:49:04,833 --> 00:49:07,167
we hear Gentile
and tax collector,

1043
00:49:07,250 --> 00:49:10,167
we say, "Okay, what do we do
with that?"

1044
00:49:10,250 --> 00:49:13,792
What he's giving here
is a range of people.

1045
00:49:13,833 --> 00:49:19,375
The Gentile was the one
who had rejected Jesus.

1046
00:49:21,958 --> 00:49:26,167
The tax collector was the one
who was an enemy of Jesus.

1047
00:49:26,250 --> 00:49:29,000
So, there's a range.

1048
00:49:29,083 --> 00:49:32,000
What we're not doing in this
moment is saying whether or not

1049
00:49:32,083 --> 00:49:34,833
someone is a true Christian,
because the fact is--

1050
00:49:34,875 --> 00:49:36,708
1 John says it perfectly,

1051
00:49:36,792 --> 00:49:39,833
"Only the Lord truly
knows whose are his."

1052
00:49:39,875 --> 00:49:41,500
Okay?

1053
00:49:41,583 --> 00:49:44,417
If they are a Christian who's
in sin, they may continue,

1054
00:49:44,500 --> 00:49:46,125
and then eventually,
they'll come to repentance

1055
00:49:46,167 --> 00:49:47,583
and come back.

1056
00:49:47,667 --> 00:49:49,000
That's what 1 John says.

1057
00:49:49,083 --> 00:49:52,000
He says, "They were never a part
of us because they departed

1058
00:49:52,083 --> 00:49:54,000
from us and never returned."

1059
00:49:54,083 --> 00:49:56,833
Sometimes a Christian will
choose a sinful path

1060
00:49:56,875 --> 00:50:00,583
and then eventually, through
the Holy Spirit's conviction,

1061
00:50:00,667 --> 00:50:03,375
they come to their senses
and they turn around

1062
00:50:03,458 --> 00:50:06,417
and they return home,
kind of like the prodigal son.

1063
00:50:06,500 --> 00:50:09,375
He went far from home,
he got in a lot of trouble,

1064
00:50:09,458 --> 00:50:11,500
but he came back to his dad.

1065
00:50:11,583 --> 00:50:15,333
Others that are non-Christians,
they just keep going.

1066
00:50:15,375 --> 00:50:17,375
They don't come back
to God the Father.

1067
00:50:17,458 --> 00:50:20,625
They don't come back to
the Lord Jesus Christ.

1068
00:50:20,667 --> 00:50:22,333
They just keep going.

1069
00:50:22,375 --> 00:50:25,417
Now, it's hard in those moments
when someone says they're

1070
00:50:25,500 --> 00:50:28,667
a Christian and they're walking
away from Jesus and holiness.

1071
00:50:28,750 --> 00:50:30,417
Are they a Christian
or a non-Christian?

1072
00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:33,333
How many of you have had
that difficult situation?

1073
00:50:33,375 --> 00:50:35,417
"I don't know, because they're
going the direction

1074
00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:36,833
"of non-Christians.

1075
00:50:36,875 --> 00:50:38,708
"They're thinking
and acting like non-Christians.

1076
00:50:38,792 --> 00:50:44,833
They're walking away from not
only Jesus, but Christians."

1077
00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:48,125
We're not judging
their eternal soul.

1078
00:50:48,167 --> 00:50:51,375
Pray, be worried, be concerned.

1079
00:50:51,458 --> 00:50:53,208
Maybe they'll come
to repentance,

1080
00:50:53,292 --> 00:50:55,000
and maybe they'll
come back to Jesus,

1081
00:50:55,083 --> 00:50:57,333
and maybe they'll come back
to their Christian community.

1082
00:50:57,375 --> 00:50:59,000
Maybe not.

1083
00:50:59,042 --> 00:51:00,625
So, we're not
rendering a verdict,

1084
00:51:00,667 --> 00:51:02,417
Christian or non-Christian.

1085
00:51:02,500 --> 00:51:03,917
Jesus says it in John 5.

1086
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,417
He says, "The Father has
entrusted all judgment to me."

1087
00:51:06,500 --> 00:51:09,417
So, Jesus ultimately knows
who is and is not a Christian,

1088
00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:13,292
and Jesus ultimately knows
who is a non-Christian,

1089
00:51:13,333 --> 00:51:15,083
so we leave it to him.

1090
00:51:15,167 --> 00:51:17,833
But, what we're saying is,
because they're acting like

1091
00:51:17,875 --> 00:51:21,417
unbelievers, we have to treat
them like unbelievers until they

1092
00:51:21,500 --> 00:51:24,833
repent, turn around, and come
back to Jesus and his people

1093
00:51:24,875 --> 00:51:28,125
and want to start living
like believers.

1094
00:51:28,167 --> 00:51:30,208
So, Gentiles were those
who--they weren't allowed in

1095
00:51:30,292 --> 00:51:33,333
the, you know, private
meetings of the church.

1096
00:51:33,375 --> 00:51:37,500
They were not ones
who received Jesus.

1097
00:51:37,542 --> 00:51:39,333
They're not taking Communion.

1098
00:51:39,375 --> 00:51:42,333
They're not in
church leadership.

1099
00:51:42,375 --> 00:51:44,833
The goal with the Gentile
is to evangelize them, like,

1100
00:51:44,875 --> 00:51:47,083
"You don't know Jesus, so--"

1101
00:51:47,167 --> 00:51:48,500
With certain people,
you're like,

1102
00:51:48,542 --> 00:51:50,667
"I don't know if
they're a Christian or not,

1103
00:51:50,750 --> 00:51:53,667
"so I'm just going to talk to
them about Jesus, and sin,

1104
00:51:53,750 --> 00:51:55,167
"and his death,
burial, resurrection,

1105
00:51:55,250 --> 00:51:57,917
"and see if they'll turn
from sin and trust in him,

1106
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:00,167
"because I'm not sure where
they're at with Jesus.

1107
00:52:00,250 --> 00:52:02,500
They say they're a Christian,
but I don't know."

1108
00:52:02,583 --> 00:52:08,625
The tax collectors
were even worse.

1109
00:52:08,667 --> 00:52:12,708
These were Jews who said they
believed in and worshiped

1110
00:52:12,792 --> 00:52:14,500
the God of the Bible,

1111
00:52:14,542 --> 00:52:16,417
but when Roman
occupation happened

1112
00:52:16,500 --> 00:52:18,917
and the Roman government
took over Israel,

1113
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:23,375
what the Romans wanted to do was
tax God's people as much as they

1114
00:52:23,458 --> 00:52:26,833
could to fund their
godless government

1115
00:52:26,875 --> 00:52:30,000
and their dictatorship,
essentially.

1116
00:52:30,042 --> 00:52:35,417
So, they would hire certain
Jews to be their tax collectors.

1117
00:52:35,500 --> 00:52:40,667
So, Jews would betray other
Jews to go raise money

1118
00:52:40,750 --> 00:52:42,333
for the government.

1119
00:52:42,375 --> 00:52:45,083
And the way it worked was they
would have to generate

1120
00:52:45,167 --> 00:52:47,292
a certain amount of revenue
per resident and business,

1121
00:52:47,333 --> 00:52:49,833
anything beyond that was
their personal income.

1122
00:52:49,875 --> 00:52:53,208
What that means is these
are crooked criminals.

1123
00:52:53,292 --> 00:52:56,125
They are giving money to
godless government

1124
00:52:56,167 --> 00:52:59,625
and they are extorting money for
their own personal gain.

1125
00:52:59,667 --> 00:53:04,292
These are people who
are, to the believers,

1126
00:53:04,333 --> 00:53:06,833
like Judas was to Jesus.

1127
00:53:06,875 --> 00:53:09,167
Just think,
when you hear "tax collector,"

1128
00:53:09,250 --> 00:53:11,500
in the first century,
it would have sounded like

1129
00:53:11,583 --> 00:53:15,333
"Judas Iscariot,"
the one who stole,

1130
00:53:15,375 --> 00:53:18,125
betrayed, and destroyed
the Lord Jesus.

1131
00:53:18,167 --> 00:53:20,875
Like, that's the attitude.

1132
00:53:20,958 --> 00:53:23,375
They're like a bunch of Judases.

1133
00:53:23,458 --> 00:53:27,000
Well, you wouldn't go
into business with Judas.

1134
00:53:27,083 --> 00:53:30,375
Probably wouldn't have Judas
in your weekly Community Group.

1135
00:53:30,458 --> 00:53:36,375
Probably wouldn't have Judas
leading worship on Sunday.

1136
00:53:36,458 --> 00:53:41,500
With Judas, he's real
dangerous, violent,

1137
00:53:41,542 --> 00:53:43,500
greedy, selfish.

1138
00:53:43,542 --> 00:53:46,000
To use the language of
the Bible, not a shepherd,

1139
00:53:46,042 --> 00:53:49,292
not a sheep, but a wolf.

1140
00:53:49,333 --> 00:53:51,667
They were more in that category.

1141
00:53:51,750 --> 00:53:55,167
So he says, "Treat certain
people on this range from

1142
00:53:55,250 --> 00:53:57,708
"'let's evangelize, talk to
them about Jesus,

1143
00:53:57,792 --> 00:53:59,708
"'but not pretend they're
believers in fellowship,'

1144
00:53:59,792 --> 00:54:04,417
all the way to 'they are
really dangerous people.'"

1145
00:54:04,500 --> 00:54:06,917
There are people who are
sexual predators that will say

1146
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:09,917
that they are Christians so that
they can get access to church

1147
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,000
and children's ministry.

1148
00:54:12,083 --> 00:54:14,000
That's why we have security.

1149
00:54:14,042 --> 00:54:15,583
That's why we do
background checks.

1150
00:54:15,667 --> 00:54:19,083
That's why we're vigilant for
the well-being of our people,

1151
00:54:19,167 --> 00:54:23,208
because some people are very
dangerous and very destructive,

1152
00:54:23,292 --> 00:54:25,917
and we want them to repent,
we want them to change,

1153
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:28,417
we want them to get
help, but if they don't,

1154
00:54:28,500 --> 00:54:31,333
we need to be careful
for our well-being

1155
00:54:31,375 --> 00:54:34,000
and the well-being
of the church.

1156
00:54:34,042 --> 00:54:37,125
Sad, isn't it?

1157
00:54:37,167 --> 00:54:40,708
As a pastor who's been,
since core group phase,

1158
00:54:40,792 --> 00:54:43,917
honored with the great privilege
of leading Mars Hill Church

1159
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:47,167
for 16 years, I don't have
a lot of these cases,

1160
00:54:47,250 --> 00:54:50,917
but every one absolutely
breaks my heart.

1161
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:56,417
There's a short list of people
that I literally pray for

1162
00:54:56,500 --> 00:55:02,792
every single morning because
I'm worried about them,

1163
00:55:02,833 --> 00:55:08,208
because I love them, because
this kind of process has been

1164
00:55:08,292 --> 00:55:12,208
undertaken and they're
just plowing forward

1165
00:55:12,292 --> 00:55:15,000
toward destruction.

1166
00:55:15,042 --> 00:55:18,333
I don't want that for anybody.

1167
00:55:22,875 --> 00:55:27,625
And sometimes, people come back.

1168
00:55:27,667 --> 00:55:31,000
There's also a list of
great stories of people

1169
00:55:31,083 --> 00:55:34,917
who have walked away from
Jesus and his people,

1170
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,167
and sometimes it's weeks,
or months, or years,

1171
00:55:38,250 --> 00:55:42,000
and I've been in it long
enough, sometimes it's a decade.

1172
00:55:42,042 --> 00:55:44,500
They turn around,
which is repentance.

1173
00:55:44,583 --> 00:55:46,500
They acknowledge their sin.

1174
00:55:46,583 --> 00:55:50,208
They reconcile with God through
faith in Jesus Christ

1175
00:55:50,292 --> 00:55:52,667
and they reconcile with others.

1176
00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:56,833
Since Jesus was
punished for them,

1177
00:55:56,875 --> 00:56:02,500
their friends don't need to
punish them but welcome them

1178
00:56:02,542 --> 00:56:05,833
because the price
has been paid by Jesus.

1179
00:56:05,875 --> 00:56:07,708
So, having been
in ministry awhile,

1180
00:56:07,792 --> 00:56:11,625
these are the most concerning
and sometimes

1181
00:56:11,667 --> 00:56:15,417
encouraging circumstances.

1182
00:56:15,500 --> 00:56:17,500
Last question.

1183
00:56:17,542 --> 00:56:19,208
First, let me read
Romans 12:18.

1184
00:56:19,292 --> 00:56:21,167
Go back, I missed it.

1185
00:56:21,250 --> 00:56:23,708
Here's an exhortation
from the Apostle Paul.

1186
00:56:23,792 --> 00:56:26,667
Romans 12:18, "If possible,
so far as it depends on you,

1187
00:56:26,750 --> 00:56:28,333
live peaceably with all."

1188
00:56:28,375 --> 00:56:30,208
Let me give you
a pastoral counsel.

1189
00:56:30,292 --> 00:56:32,417
Your goal is reconciliation,
but if you can't have

1190
00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:35,917
reconciliation, peace.

1191
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,000
You see that?

1192
00:56:38,083 --> 00:56:41,625
It may come to a point where
you just say, "We just disagree,

1193
00:56:41,667 --> 00:56:44,667
"and unless one of us
has a change of mind,

1194
00:56:44,750 --> 00:56:47,125
"we're going to keep
disagreeing,

1195
00:56:47,167 --> 00:56:49,292
"so let's not fight
and argue about this.

1196
00:56:49,333 --> 00:56:51,208
"Let's just live in peace.

1197
00:56:51,292 --> 00:56:53,333
"You don't attack me,
I don't attack you.

1198
00:56:53,375 --> 00:56:56,208
"You don't seek vengeance on me,
I don't seek vengeance on you.

1199
00:56:56,292 --> 00:56:58,833
"We just sort of part company.

1200
00:56:58,875 --> 00:57:01,500
"You go do your thing,
I go do my thing.

1201
00:57:01,583 --> 00:57:04,333
"We both pray to guard our
hearts against bitterness.

1202
00:57:04,375 --> 00:57:07,208
"If either of us ever has
a change of mind and wants

1203
00:57:07,292 --> 00:57:10,917
"to apologize to the other one,
let's agree to do that,

1204
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:16,333
but let's live at peace."

1205
00:57:16,375 --> 00:57:18,792
The goal is reconciliation,
and when you can't get

1206
00:57:18,833 --> 00:57:23,500
reconciliation, the next best
thing is probably just peace.

1207
00:57:23,542 --> 00:57:25,667
And this is where you
say, "You know what?

1208
00:57:25,750 --> 00:57:28,000
"We can't do business
together anymore.

1209
00:57:28,083 --> 00:57:30,000
We just can't,"
or "You know what?

1210
00:57:30,083 --> 00:57:32,375
We just can't do ministry
together anymore,"

1211
00:57:32,458 --> 00:57:35,125
or "You know, our families
used to be super duper close

1212
00:57:35,167 --> 00:57:37,167
"and it's not going to be
that way,

1213
00:57:37,250 --> 00:57:39,000
"and we're not going
to attack you,

1214
00:57:39,083 --> 00:57:41,333
"but there's going to be
a little distance now.

1215
00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:44,583
Things are going to change, and
we're just going to have peace."

1216
00:57:44,667 --> 00:57:46,208
Not reconciliation.
Peace.

1217
00:57:46,292 --> 00:57:48,000
You understand that?

1218
00:57:48,083 --> 00:57:51,208
Otherwise, it bleeds for years,
and it implicates

1219
00:57:51,292 --> 00:57:55,375
lots of other people,
and it leads to bitterness,

1220
00:57:55,458 --> 00:58:00,667
and Satan gets a foothold,
and horrible things happen.

1221
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:06,833
Last question: what does Jesus
think about your behavior?

1222
00:58:09,292 --> 00:58:11,708
See, in the middle of it,
what can happen is,

1223
00:58:11,792 --> 00:58:13,708
especially when we're
the offended party,

1224
00:58:13,792 --> 00:58:15,708
we have strong opinions.

1225
00:58:15,792 --> 00:58:18,500
Maybe we're the offender.

1226
00:58:18,583 --> 00:58:20,167
We have strong opinions as well.

1227
00:58:20,250 --> 00:58:21,583
"Well, it's not as bad,"

1228
00:58:21,667 --> 00:58:23,333
or "That's not how
it went down,"

1229
00:58:23,375 --> 00:58:25,000
or "I didn't
say it like that,"

1230
00:58:25,083 --> 00:58:26,500
or "You misinterpreted
my words,"

1231
00:58:26,583 --> 00:58:28,292
or "You took that
out of context."

1232
00:58:28,333 --> 00:58:31,500
And what can happen is we have
our own version of the facts.

1233
00:58:31,542 --> 00:58:32,875
Above it all is

1234
00:58:32,958 --> 00:58:35,667
the Lord Jesus Christ,
who lived without sin,

1235
00:58:35,750 --> 00:58:38,917
God among us, died on a cross
in our place for our sins,

1236
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,167
conquered sin and death,
rose, ascended into heaven.

1237
00:58:42,250 --> 00:58:47,500
He now sees
and knows all perfectly.

1238
00:58:47,583 --> 00:58:51,417
When he looks at the situation,
what does he see?

1239
00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:55,208
Here's what Jesus says:
"Truly, I say to you,

1240
00:58:55,292 --> 00:58:58,000
"whatever you bind on earth
shall be bound in heaven,

1241
00:58:58,083 --> 00:59:00,833
whatever you loose on earth
shall be loosed in heaven."

1242
00:59:00,875 --> 00:59:03,667
He's talking about when
the process has been undertaken

1243
00:59:03,750 --> 00:59:05,667
and a decision
has been rendered,

1244
00:59:05,750 --> 00:59:07,375
it's not just
an earthly decision,

1245
00:59:07,458 --> 00:59:10,000
it's a heavenly
decision as well.

1246
00:59:10,083 --> 00:59:13,583
"Again I say to you, if
two of you agree on earth

1247
00:59:13,667 --> 00:59:16,208
"about anything they ask,
it will be done for them

1248
00:59:16,292 --> 00:59:17,917
"by my Father in heaven.

1249
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,417
"For where two or three
are gathered in my name,

1250
00:59:20,500 --> 00:59:21,833
there am I among them."

1251
00:59:21,875 --> 00:59:23,500
When there's
an interpersonal conflict,

1252
00:59:23,583 --> 00:59:26,500
and it gets to the point where
they haven't been able to

1253
00:59:26,583 --> 00:59:29,000
resolve it privately, and good
godly people have come in,

1254
00:59:29,083 --> 00:59:30,500
and they have obeyed
the Scriptures,

1255
00:59:30,583 --> 00:59:33,000
and they've fasted and prayed,
and they've been filled with

1256
00:59:33,083 --> 00:59:35,208
the Holy Spirit, and they've
rendered a verdict saying

1257
00:59:35,292 --> 00:59:36,917
"This was wrong,"
or "This was right,"

1258
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:38,417
or "Here's how we see it,"

1259
00:59:38,500 --> 00:59:40,875
Jesus says, "I'm there too.

1260
00:59:40,958 --> 00:59:43,708
"I'm present with them,
particularly through

1261
00:59:43,792 --> 00:59:49,833
"the Holy Spirit, and I am
involved in the process.

1262
00:59:49,875 --> 00:59:56,083
"I see and know all, and it's
not just the people in the room,

1263
00:59:56,167 --> 00:59:58,417
it's my presence as well."

1264
00:59:58,500 --> 01:00:01,125
That's how much Jesus
loves his church,

1265
01:00:01,167 --> 01:00:04,417
to be involved even
in the interpersonal conflict

1266
01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:07,625
between two professing
believers.

1267
01:00:07,667 --> 01:00:10,875
Jesus loves the whole church,
and sometimes what hurts

1268
01:00:10,958 --> 01:00:13,000
and harms the whole
church is a conflict

1269
01:00:13,083 --> 01:00:14,917
between two believers
in the church.

1270
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,417
You see this, for example,

1271
01:00:16,500 --> 01:00:18,167
I'm reminded of
the Book of Philippians,

1272
01:00:18,250 --> 01:00:20,833
where Paul mentions
two women, Euodia and Syntyche.

1273
01:00:20,875 --> 01:00:22,917
Apparently they
had some conflict.

1274
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,917
There was no heresy or charge
of sin on Paul's behalf.

1275
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,333
They just weren't getting along.

1276
01:00:27,375 --> 01:00:30,917
We don't know what happened,
but they had a bit of a scrap,

1277
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:33,917
and the whole church knew about
it and the whole church

1278
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,875
was involved in it,
so Paul addresses it.

1279
01:00:36,958 --> 01:00:39,917
And what he says
is, "Work it out."

1280
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:41,417
And you know what?

1281
01:00:41,500 --> 01:00:44,208
Jesus honors those who
try to work it out.

1282
01:00:44,292 --> 01:00:47,625
Jesus shows up when
people try to work it out.

1283
01:00:47,667 --> 01:00:50,292
Now, Satan shows
up when they don't,

1284
01:00:50,333 --> 01:00:53,125
but Jesus shows up when they do.

1285
01:00:53,167 --> 01:00:57,000
How about you?

1286
01:00:57,083 --> 01:00:59,333
Have you tried?

1287
01:00:59,375 --> 01:01:03,333
Have you tried to reconcile with
that person that the Holy Spirit

1288
01:01:03,375 --> 01:01:06,375
brought to mind at
the beginning of the sermon?

1289
01:01:06,458 --> 01:01:10,917
Have you tried to reconcile
according to Jesus' process?

1290
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:12,333
Some of you say, "Well, I tried."

1291
01:01:12,375 --> 01:01:14,583
Did you try it like this?

1292
01:01:14,667 --> 01:01:16,833
Then try it like this,
because Jesus says,

1293
01:01:16,875 --> 01:01:20,583
"Here's how I want you to do
it, and if you do it the way

1294
01:01:20,667 --> 01:01:23,583
"I'm asking you to do it,
I'm going to go with you

1295
01:01:23,667 --> 01:01:25,000
and I'll be involved."

1296
01:01:25,042 --> 01:01:26,708
And what that means
is, friends, sometimes,

1297
01:01:26,792 --> 01:01:30,000
even after all of this, because
we're sinners and imperfect,

1298
01:01:30,083 --> 01:01:32,917
it's not all right.

1299
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:35,417
But the trust is, one day,
we'll all stand before

1300
01:01:35,500 --> 01:01:39,208
the white throne of Jesus,
his great judgment seat,

1301
01:01:39,292 --> 01:01:43,500
and ultimately Jesus will be
the one who sorts it all out,

1302
01:01:43,542 --> 01:01:47,417
renders the verdict,
reconciles the relationship.

1303
01:01:47,500 --> 01:01:51,000
And sometimes a little
patience is all we need.

1304
01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:53,667
Now, here's what I'd
like to say as well.

1305
01:01:53,750 --> 01:01:56,625
If you're here and you're not
a Christian, you're thinking,

1306
01:01:56,667 --> 01:01:59,000
"Man, I really want to try
Christianity because it

1307
01:01:59,083 --> 01:02:01,417
"seems like it helps you
live a better life,

1308
01:02:01,500 --> 01:02:04,292
and it produces better families
and better relationships."

1309
01:02:04,333 --> 01:02:05,667
That's all secondary.

1310
01:02:05,750 --> 01:02:08,125
What's primary is, before you
think about being reconciled

1311
01:02:08,167 --> 01:02:10,833
to others, you've
got to be reconciled to God.

1312
01:02:10,875 --> 01:02:13,417
And when we sin,
it doesn't just affect others.

1313
01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:16,708
We tend to see our sin affecting
our relationship with others,

1314
01:02:16,792 --> 01:02:19,167
but our sin also affects
our relationship with God.

1315
01:02:19,250 --> 01:02:21,000
We see this in Genesis 3.

1316
01:02:21,083 --> 01:02:23,583
Our first parents sin
and they're separated from God

1317
01:02:23,667 --> 01:02:26,167
and one another.

1318
01:02:26,250 --> 01:02:29,208
So, we're all sinners
by nature and choice.

1319
01:02:29,292 --> 01:02:32,167
We all sin, and when we do,
it separates us from God

1320
01:02:32,250 --> 01:02:33,583
and one another.

1321
01:02:33,667 --> 01:02:35,583
So, before we can
reconcile with one another,

1322
01:02:35,667 --> 01:02:37,833
we have to be reconciled
to God in Christ.

1323
01:02:37,875 --> 01:02:39,625
This is what Paul
tells the Corinthians.

1324
01:02:39,667 --> 01:02:42,208
He says, "Therefore, be
reconciled to God in Christ

1325
01:02:42,292 --> 01:02:45,917
and then you'll receive this
ministry of reconciliation."

1326
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,833
So, let me ask you,
are you really a Christian?

1327
01:02:48,875 --> 01:02:51,167
Are you reconciled
to God the Father

1328
01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:53,208
through faith
in Jesus Christ,

1329
01:02:53,292 --> 01:02:56,292
that you are a sinner,
and that sin has separated you

1330
01:02:56,333 --> 01:02:59,500
from God, and Jesus has
come to live without sin,

1331
01:02:59,583 --> 01:03:03,500
to die for sin, to be
the mediator, the God-man,

1332
01:03:03,583 --> 01:03:09,833
who comes as God as a man to
reconcile men and women to God?

1333
01:03:09,875 --> 01:03:12,208
That's why the Bible says,
"There's only one mediator

1334
01:03:12,292 --> 01:03:14,667
between us and God,
the man Christ Jesus."

1335
01:03:14,750 --> 01:03:17,875
You can't be reconciled to
God apart from Christ Jesus,

1336
01:03:17,958 --> 01:03:21,083
and once you are reconciled
to God through Christ Jesus,

1337
01:03:21,167 --> 01:03:24,500
you now can be reconciled to
your brothers and sisters

1338
01:03:24,542 --> 01:03:27,000
in Christ through Christ Jesus.

1339
01:03:27,083 --> 01:03:30,083
Isn't that wonderful?

1340
01:03:30,167 --> 01:03:32,625
I know for some of you
this sounds very painful,

1341
01:03:32,667 --> 01:03:35,417
but let me say, when
reconciled to God and others,

1342
01:03:35,500 --> 01:03:37,625
it's incredibly joyful.

1343
01:03:37,667 --> 01:03:40,833
And so the hope is not in
you, and it's not in me,

1344
01:03:40,875 --> 01:03:43,000
and it's not in them,
but it's in him,

1345
01:03:43,083 --> 01:03:45,333
that if he could
reconcile us to God,

1346
01:03:45,375 --> 01:03:47,125
he could reconcile
us to one another.

1347
01:03:47,167 --> 01:03:48,792
Amen?

1348
01:03:48,833 --> 01:03:51,000
And so, on behalf of
the Lord Jesus Christ,

1349
01:03:51,042 --> 01:03:54,083
I invite you in faith to
turn from sin, trust in him,

1350
01:03:54,167 --> 01:03:57,333
and to obey his commands as
a believer to reconcile those

1351
01:03:57,375 --> 01:04:02,833
relationships that are strained
according to his instructions.

1352
01:04:02,875 --> 01:04:05,500
Father God, I pray against
the enemy, his servants,

1353
01:04:05,583 --> 01:04:07,667
their works, and effects.

1354
01:04:07,750 --> 01:04:09,792
And Lord Jesus,
I know that for you,

1355
01:04:09,833 --> 01:04:12,583
this is not just theoretical.

1356
01:04:12,667 --> 01:04:15,792
It's emotional and practical.

1357
01:04:15,833 --> 01:04:18,167
You did have strained
relationships with a guy

1358
01:04:18,250 --> 01:04:22,625
like Peter, and you looked
him in the face.

1359
01:04:22,667 --> 01:04:27,000
You talked to him, not
about him, and he repented,

1360
01:04:27,083 --> 01:04:30,500
and you were reconciled.

1361
01:04:30,583 --> 01:04:33,708
And Lord Jesus, you had
a strained relationship

1362
01:04:33,792 --> 01:04:36,083
with a guy named Judas,

1363
01:04:36,167 --> 01:04:38,833
and you looked him
in the eye as well,

1364
01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:41,500
and he decided to
turn his back on you,

1365
01:04:41,583 --> 01:04:45,917
and to walk away from you, and
to walk away from your people,

1366
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,000
your disciples.

1367
01:04:48,083 --> 01:04:50,833
And he walked toward
destruction and death,

1368
01:04:50,875 --> 01:04:53,792
and he ruined his own life.

1369
01:04:53,833 --> 01:04:57,417
Lord Jesus, you know what it's
like to experience

1370
01:04:57,500 --> 01:05:00,833
the grief of unreconciled
relationships

1371
01:05:00,875 --> 01:05:04,500
and the joy of reconciled
relationships.

1372
01:05:04,583 --> 01:05:08,125
I pray for Mars Hill Church,
that we would be reconciled to

1373
01:05:08,167 --> 01:05:13,500
you and that you would help us
to reconcile to one another.

1374
01:05:13,583 --> 01:05:16,667
And Jesus, I thank you that
you promise us that if we're

1375
01:05:16,750 --> 01:05:21,125
willing, you're willing to be
present, and so we invite you,

1376
01:05:21,167 --> 01:05:22,750
Lord Jesus.
Amen.