1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,208 2 00:00:04,292 --> 00:00:09,292 [music] 3 00:00:29,583 --> 00:00:33,917 All righty, guess what book of the Bible we're in? 4 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,500 Luke, yeah. 5 00:00:35,542 --> 00:00:37,292 If you don't know that, you're new. 6 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,667 We have been in Luke for over a year. 7 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:43,000 Today, we look at Luke 16:14-18, 8 00:00:43,083 --> 00:00:45,500 Jesus and the law. 9 00:00:45,542 --> 00:00:48,500 And you can find that in your Bible or on your app. 10 00:00:48,583 --> 00:00:50,625 Here's where we find ourselves in the story. 11 00:00:50,667 --> 00:00:53,667 Jesus is making his journey toward the great city 12 00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:58,208 of Jerusalem, where he is ultimately gonna die on a cross 13 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:02,083 for our sins and rise from death as our savior. 14 00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:04,792 Along the way, he is preaching and teaching and having 15 00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:09,083 the occasional conflict with various religious types. 16 00:01:09,167 --> 00:01:13,083 And he has just concluded, in the section that precedes what 17 00:01:13,167 --> 00:01:17,583 we will be studying today, a discourse regarding money. 18 00:01:17,667 --> 00:01:19,625 And he concludes his instruction saying, 19 00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:22,500 "You cannot worship both God and money." 20 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:26,125 You could worship God and use money, 21 00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:28,375 or you can worship money 22 00:01:28,458 --> 00:01:32,625 but not simultaneously worship God and money. 23 00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:35,417 And the result is that the religious leaders laugh at him 24 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:37,375 because, as is often the case 25 00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:39,125 with those who are religious hypocrites, 26 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,917 they're in it for the money. 27 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,292 And so Jesus is going to have a very important discussion 28 00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:48,292 with them about salvation. 29 00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:53,625 And we pick up the story in Luke 16:14-15, 30 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:57,333 where Jesus teaches that success cannot save. 31 00:01:57,375 --> 00:02:00,417 He says this, "The Pharisees," those are the religious leaders, 32 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,708 "who were lovers of money," that's the problem, 33 00:02:03,792 --> 00:02:06,292 "heard all these things, and they ridiculed him," 34 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,625 mocked him, made fun of him, 35 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:12,000 as, sadly, some people still do of Jesus to this day. 36 00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:14,917 "And he said to them, 'You are those who justify yourselves 37 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,208 "'before men, but God knows your hearts. 38 00:02:18,292 --> 00:02:20,208 "'For what is exalted among men 39 00:02:20,292 --> 00:02:23,708 is an abomination in the sight of God.'" 40 00:02:23,792 --> 00:02:26,833 As Jesus is teaching about money, 41 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:29,583 that we should use money but not love money, 42 00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:32,417 that we should worship God with money but not worship money 43 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:36,375 as God, they mock him, make fun of him, make sport of him, 44 00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:39,792 make light of him because religion can be a highly 45 00:02:39,833 --> 00:02:43,625 profitable business and they were lovers of money. 46 00:02:43,667 --> 00:02:48,333 And they did not believe that they were in any danger. 47 00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:52,208 They did not believe that God was displeased with them. 48 00:02:52,292 --> 00:02:55,583 They, in fact, assumed because they were religiously powerful 49 00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:59,417 and successful, and financially powerful and successful, 50 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,875 that God's blessing was upon them. 51 00:03:01,958 --> 00:03:05,917 This is an error that can also be made today. 52 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,917 That is assuming, "Well, they're very popular. 53 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,333 "They're very rich. 54 00:03:09,375 --> 00:03:11,000 "Their life is going very well. 55 00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:13,417 "God must not be displeased with them. 56 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:16,000 This must be the result of his blessing." 57 00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:19,000 Not always true. 58 00:03:19,083 --> 00:03:23,833 We wouldn't say that same thing, for example, for a drug dealer. 59 00:03:23,875 --> 00:03:25,833 “Lots of people are attracted to them. 60 00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:27,333 “Business seems good. 61 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,083 “Their influence is growing. 62 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,500 God is obviously blessing them.” 63 00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:34,625 We'd say, "No, other factors are at play." 64 00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:39,625 And sometimes religion, bad religion, greedy religion, 65 00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:45,208 false religion, can be very popular and very profitable. 66 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,583 And Jesus says, "You've only been justified 67 00:03:47,667 --> 00:03:49,083 in the sight of men," 68 00:03:49,167 --> 00:03:51,292 meaning other people look at you and say, 69 00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,625 "You're a decent person, you're a moral person, 70 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,667 "spiritual person, helpful person, kind person. 71 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,167 To some degree, we esteem you." 72 00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:03,375 Jesus says that kind of justification is no good at all. 73 00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:05,833 It's not enough if people think well of you. 74 00:04:05,875 --> 00:04:08,833 The question is, what does God think? 75 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:13,000 And he uses this language of “justified,” or “justify.” 76 00:04:13,083 --> 00:04:15,000 This is a very important issue. 77 00:04:15,083 --> 00:04:17,333 It was actually at the heart of something called 78 00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:19,000 the Protestant Reformation, 79 00:04:19,083 --> 00:04:22,417 where there was a debate within Christianity about how 80 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,417 someone is justified in the sight of God. 81 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:28,625 And the point is this, that God is holy and God is good 82 00:04:28,667 --> 00:04:31,833 and God is just and God is without sin. 83 00:04:31,875 --> 00:04:36,083 And we are unholy and we are unjust and we are sinners. 84 00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,792 We sin by nature. 85 00:04:37,833 --> 00:04:39,208 We sin by choice. 86 00:04:39,292 --> 00:04:40,792 We sin in our actions. 87 00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:43,792 We sin in our words. We sin in our deeds. 88 00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:45,208 We sin in our motives. 89 00:04:45,292 --> 00:04:48,417 We have sin of commission, where we do what we ought not do. 90 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:51,417 We have sin of omission, where we fail to do what God 91 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,125 created and designed us to do. 92 00:04:54,167 --> 00:04:57,875 As a result, the Bible declares all have sinned and fallen short 93 00:04:57,958 --> 00:04:59,792 of the glory of God. 94 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:03,167 And the question is, how can we as sinners be declared 95 00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:09,000 righteous, seen as just in the sight of a holy God? 96 00:05:09,083 --> 00:05:11,208 God can't just ignore our sin. 97 00:05:11,292 --> 00:05:14,792 That would make him unholy and unrighteous. 98 00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:18,125 God can't accept, tolerate, or accommodate our sin. 99 00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:22,625 Likewise, that would make him unholy, unjust. 100 00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:26,000 And the result is that we find ourselves 101 00:05:26,083 --> 00:05:29,000 in a very bad condition, 102 00:05:29,083 --> 00:05:32,708 where we learn that our success cannot save us. 103 00:05:32,792 --> 00:05:36,292 The most moral among us is not moral enough. 104 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:39,708 The most devoted among us is not devoted enough. 105 00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:43,208 The most obedient among us is not obedient enough 106 00:05:43,292 --> 00:05:47,333 because the standard of God is ultimately perfection. 107 00:05:47,375 --> 00:05:50,500 That's why Jesus says elsewhere to be perfect 108 00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:52,500 as our Heavenly Father is perfect. 109 00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:56,792 God is a perfect being, his kingdom is a perfect place, 110 00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,333 and only those who are perfect 111 00:05:59,375 --> 00:06:02,500 are fit for his presence in that place. 112 00:06:02,542 --> 00:06:06,083 We're in a terrible predicament. 113 00:06:06,167 --> 00:06:10,000 You need to know that, in that natural state, 114 00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:12,417 we are destined toward the conscious, 115 00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:14,875 eternal torment of hell. 116 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:18,083 We will suffer forever, separated from God. 117 00:06:18,167 --> 00:06:24,333 And if that was the only option, that would be just. 118 00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:28,833 And so Jesus, because he loves even these hypocritical, greedy, 119 00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:33,500 self-righteous religious leaders, as he loves us in our sin, 120 00:06:33,583 --> 00:06:35,917 he is telling them the truth despite the fact 121 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,500 they are mocking him. 122 00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:39,500 As perhaps some of you hear this, 123 00:06:39,542 --> 00:06:41,333 your response may be akin to theirs. 124 00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:43,000 "This is silly. This is crazy. 125 00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:44,583 This is outdated." 126 00:06:44,667 --> 00:06:47,583 And maybe at least in your heart you're laughing at the words 127 00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:49,333 of Jesus, as they did. 128 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:53,000 This shows us that we are like them. 129 00:06:54,292 --> 00:06:55,875 We're not good people. 130 00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:57,875 We're bad people. 131 00:06:57,958 --> 00:07:01,000 And at the end of the day, we cannot stand before God 132 00:07:01,083 --> 00:07:05,708 and have him declare that we have lived a sinless, perfect, 133 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:09,708 wonderful, faultless, flawless life. 134 00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:11,917 None of us will. 135 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,500 Theologically, we're all sinners. 136 00:07:14,542 --> 00:07:16,125 Practically, this is what people mean, 137 00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:18,417 even those who are not Christian, when they say, 138 00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:19,875 "No one is perfect." 139 00:07:19,958 --> 00:07:21,500 That's indeed true. 140 00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:23,792 That's indeed true. 141 00:07:23,833 --> 00:07:26,292 And your success cannot save you. 142 00:07:26,333 --> 00:07:29,708 And any comfort, blessing, ease that you have in your life 143 00:07:29,792 --> 00:07:34,208 is not indicative of God's approval. 144 00:07:34,292 --> 00:07:37,708 What happens then is some people move toward religion, 145 00:07:37,792 --> 00:07:40,625 a sort of hard, moralistic religion. 146 00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:45,167 And then Jesus continues by saying that the law cannot save. 147 00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:48,917 And the law here is in reference to the Old Testament Scriptures, 148 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,333 beginning with the first five books of the Bible, 149 00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:53,833 the Pentateuch, which means book in five parts, 150 00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:56,083 most of which is penned by Moses. 151 00:07:56,167 --> 00:07:58,708 And it has some 613 commands. 152 00:07:58,792 --> 00:08:01,333 "Do this. Do not do that." 153 00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,000 It's filled with law. 154 00:08:03,042 --> 00:08:07,000 And here's what Jesus has to say, Luke 16:16-17. 155 00:08:07,042 --> 00:08:09,000 "‘The Law and the Prophets,’" the Old Testament, 156 00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:12,208 "‘were until John,’" his cousin, that is John the Baptizer, 157 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,208 "‘since then the good news of the kingdom of God is preached, 158 00:08:15,292 --> 00:08:17,292 "‘and everyone forces his way into it. 159 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:20,333 "‘But it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than 160 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:23,917 for one dot of the Law to become void.’" 161 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:28,000 Jesus says that from the beginning of human sin, 162 00:08:28,042 --> 00:08:34,208 prophets have come and laws have been proclaimed to reveal to us 163 00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:39,500 God's standard of holy, righteous, obedient perfection. 164 00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:42,625 But the law cannot save. 165 00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:47,333 Now, religion wrongly assumes, believes that the law can save. 166 00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:50,000 So religious people will pick up the Bible and say, 167 00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:52,167 "Okay, here's the manual. 168 00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:54,417 Do this. Don't do that." 169 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,833 And they assume that if they do the good things and don't do 170 00:08:57,875 --> 00:09:01,292 the bad things, that they will stand before God, declared holy, 171 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:04,000 righteous, and just in his sight. 172 00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:07,833 But the truth is we break God's laws all the time 173 00:09:07,875 --> 00:09:10,500 and none of us are, in fact, perfect. 174 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,667 And the Bible says elsewhere to break any of the law is 175 00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,667 to nullify all of the law. 176 00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:17,500 And some of us like to say, 177 00:09:17,542 --> 00:09:20,667 "Well, I kept most of it,” or “I kept the heart of it." 178 00:09:20,750 --> 00:09:23,417 Some of us ignore certain pieces or we have various ways 179 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,833 of arguing it away. 180 00:09:24,875 --> 00:09:26,208 "Well, it's cultural. 181 00:09:26,292 --> 00:09:27,917 "It's outdated. That was a different time. 182 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,625 Things have progressed. My personality is different." 183 00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:31,375 We have ways of excusing ourselves. 184 00:09:31,458 --> 00:09:33,708 And Jesus says, "Not a jot, not a tittle, 185 00:09:33,792 --> 00:09:37,125 "not the dotting of an I, not the crossing of a T will be 186 00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:40,375 "neglected by God the just judge when he investigates 187 00:09:40,458 --> 00:09:44,625 the entirety, the totality of our life." 188 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:49,917 This is to arrest our attention and to concern us. 189 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:54,625 This is because the Bible is good, but we are bad. 190 00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:56,375 And the more you read the Bible, 191 00:09:56,458 --> 00:09:59,333 the worse you know you are. Right? 192 00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:01,375 We hear this often from non-Christians 193 00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:03,125 and new Christians. 194 00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,500 "Pastor, I was reading my Bible. It's not working." 195 00:10:05,542 --> 00:10:06,875 "What do you mean?" 196 00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:09,500 "Well, the more I read it, the worse I feel." 197 00:10:09,583 --> 00:10:11,208 "No, I promise you, it's working. 198 00:10:11,292 --> 00:10:13,667 It's working quite well." 199 00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:16,625 You don't know how sinful you are until you understand 200 00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,833 the laws of God. 201 00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:22,667 And then we start comparing ourselves not to ourselves, 202 00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:25,083 but to the Word of God. 203 00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:28,708 And we realize how much sin there is in our heart 204 00:10:28,792 --> 00:10:30,500 and mind and life. 205 00:10:30,583 --> 00:10:33,000 How many of you, the more you read the Bible, 206 00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:35,333 the worse you know you are? 207 00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:39,208 Even simple verses like "Love your enemy." “Uh oh. 208 00:10:39,292 --> 00:10:43,833 “There's a long list of people that I have not done that to. 209 00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:46,292 “Well, at least I've not committed adultery. 210 00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:49,500 “Oh, Jesus says it counts in your heart and he knows your mind? 211 00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,917 “Whoops. 212 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,792 Wow, I really am guilty.” 213 00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:59,417 The law cannot save. 214 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,708 The law exists to show us our sin, 215 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:07,500 to show us that we desperately need a savior and that we cannot 216 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:12,833 save ourselves, that morality, good works, religion is, 217 00:11:12,875 --> 00:11:17,000 as he says previously, an abomination. 218 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:18,833 It offends God. 219 00:11:18,875 --> 00:11:21,000 It does not please him. 220 00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:23,208 It repels him. 221 00:11:23,292 --> 00:11:25,208 It does not invite him. 222 00:11:25,292 --> 00:11:28,333 Those who know they are sinners, those who know that they need 223 00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:31,208 help, those who know that they need a savior, 224 00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:33,708 they welcome God and they don't mock him 225 00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:37,583 as these religious people do. 226 00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:39,833 The law cannot save. 227 00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:43,375 What we instead need is a savior. 228 00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:46,375 And so he proceeds to talk to us about the good news 229 00:11:46,458 --> 00:11:48,500 of the kingdom of God. 230 00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,333 And the good news is literally “gospel.” 231 00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:53,500 So the bad news, we are sinners. 232 00:11:53,583 --> 00:11:56,417 The good news is there's a savior. 233 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:59,583 The bad news is that we have not kept the laws of God. 234 00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:04,625 The good news is that our savior has kept all of the laws of God, 235 00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:09,000 that we are the bad news and Jesus is the good news, 236 00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:12,208 that our God became a man, that our God lived without sin, 237 00:12:12,292 --> 00:12:16,083 that our God never broke any of the commands of Scripture, 238 00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:21,292 that Jesus, our God, in becoming a human being, lived a perfect, 239 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,417 sinless, obedient life. 240 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,208 He lived the life we were supposed to live, 241 00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:27,917 but have failed to. 242 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:33,083 In thought, word, deed, motive, he kept, in complete, 243 00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:38,375 total obedience, the entirety of the law of God. 244 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,167 Only one person who has ever lived without sin, 245 00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:45,000 his name is Jesus Christ. 246 00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:47,833 And the good news is that he went to the cross 247 00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:51,083 and suffered and died in our place, for our sins, 248 00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:56,500 as our substitute and savior, to cancel our debt to God. 249 00:12:56,583 --> 00:13:00,708 Furthermore, he gives us his righteousness. 250 00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:03,583 He gives us his obedience. 251 00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,917 He gives us his perfection. 252 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,083 Martin Luther rightly calls this "The Great Exchange." 253 00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:12,208 And that's the good news. 254 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:16,125 When we stand before God the Father, who is a perfect, holy, 255 00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:20,625 and righteous judge, we will not boast about our life. 256 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,917 We'll boast about the life of Jesus. 257 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,917 We do not tell him about all the good we have done. 258 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,333 We will tell him about how good his Son has been to us. 259 00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:32,208 We will not sing our praises. 260 00:13:32,292 --> 00:13:34,708 We'll sing the praises of Christ, 261 00:13:34,792 --> 00:13:38,833 that when the Father asks, "For what cause might I declare you 262 00:13:38,875 --> 00:13:44,000 to be justified and declared righteous in my sight?" 263 00:13:44,083 --> 00:13:48,000 We will say we belong to Jesus. 264 00:13:48,042 --> 00:13:49,833 He is our savior. 265 00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:52,125 He is our righteousness. 266 00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:54,083 He is our God. 267 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,208 He is our good news. 268 00:13:57,292 --> 00:14:00,333 And religious people know nothing of this. 269 00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:02,333 Friends, it's not about us, it's about Jesus. 270 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,833 It’s not about what we do, it's about what he's done. 271 00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:07,333 It's not about the life that we live, 272 00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:09,125 it's about the death that he died. 273 00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:10,583 It's about Jesus. 274 00:14:10,667 --> 00:14:12,583 That's the good news. 275 00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,583 And these people are still not getting it, 276 00:14:14,667 --> 00:14:18,000 as some of us are prone to do likewise. 277 00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:23,208 And so Jesus is going to point out in their life a specific sin 278 00:14:23,292 --> 00:14:27,333 that reveals that they're not as holy as they think they are 279 00:14:27,375 --> 00:14:30,792 and that they’re hypocrites. 280 00:14:30,833 --> 00:14:33,667 And Jesus does this because he loves them. 281 00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:37,125 So if you have been under conviction from the Holy Spirit, 282 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:40,417 Jesus is similarly serving you in this way 283 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,625 because he loves you. 284 00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:47,917 He's not trying to destroy you or dismay you. 285 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:53,208 He's inviting you to get to know who you really are so that you 286 00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:55,708 would come to know who he really is 287 00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:58,208 and how desperately you need him. 288 00:14:58,292 --> 00:15:02,625 And so Jesus' next big point is that everyone is a hypocrite. 289 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,917 And by everyone, I mean everyone. 290 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,500 Right? 291 00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:09,500 Because here is what happens, as is the case with these people: 292 00:15:09,583 --> 00:15:13,125 They see everyone else's sin far more clearly than their own. 293 00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:15,667 We have this proclivity, right? 294 00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:18,208 Any of you married? Right? 295 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,500 Have you noticed your spouse? 296 00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:23,500 They have sin in their life and they don't even see it. 297 00:15:23,583 --> 00:15:25,125 They're oblivious to it. 298 00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:27,708 And they're thinking the same thing about you. 299 00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:29,833 This is because other people's sin 300 00:15:29,875 --> 00:15:32,417 is far more clear than our own. 301 00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:34,000 We're hypocrites. 302 00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:37,833 How many of you, even if you just judged yourself by 303 00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:42,833 your own rules, you'd still be guilty, let alone God's laws? 304 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,500 How many of you have rules and laws and judgments 305 00:15:45,542 --> 00:15:48,875 and preferences and legalisms and causes and you're guilty, 306 00:15:48,958 --> 00:15:51,875 but you judge everyone else for not living up to the standard 307 00:15:51,958 --> 00:15:53,292 you don't live up to? 308 00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:55,417 This is how we work. We're all hypocrites. 309 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,000 We should never say, 310 00:15:57,083 --> 00:15:59,167 "I can't believe that people are like that." 311 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:02,208 We should say, "I cannot believe people are like me." 312 00:16:02,292 --> 00:16:06,333 That would be more accurate, right? 313 00:16:06,375 --> 00:16:09,000 And they have hypocrisy because, to this point, 314 00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:11,708 we have seen repeatedly in the narrative of Luke's gospel, 315 00:16:11,792 --> 00:16:15,167 over the course of more than a year as we've been walking 316 00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:19,625 through this book of the Bible, they keep arguing with Jesus. 317 00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:21,875 "Oh, did you heal on the Sabbath? 318 00:16:21,958 --> 00:16:23,875 "You're not supposed to heal on the Sabbath. 319 00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:27,375 We have a lot of rules and you can't break any of the rules." 320 00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:29,208 Well, there's one rule they've been breaking 321 00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:30,917 and it's a very big rule. 322 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,917 Jesus never broke one of the commands of the Bible and they 323 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,417 often break one of the major commands of the Bible: 324 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:41,083 don't commit adultery, don't get divorced. 325 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:45,625 Isn't it amazing how religious hypocrisy can sometimes 326 00:16:45,667 --> 00:16:50,708 strain over details and ignore major issues. 327 00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:52,375 Here's how Jesus says it. 328 00:16:52,458 --> 00:16:55,125 Luke 16:18, "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries 329 00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:58,875 "another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced 330 00:16:58,958 --> 00:17:03,625 from her husband commits adultery." 331 00:17:03,667 --> 00:17:05,417 Now, here's what was going on. 332 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:08,417 These religious leaders were very popular and very rich. 333 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:10,333 And one of the reasons why? 334 00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:12,917 They would grant people divorces 335 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,833 without biblical cause and grounds. 336 00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:17,333 "You're not happy? That's fine. 337 00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:18,708 "You want an annulment? 338 00:17:18,792 --> 00:17:20,917 "We're fine with that. 339 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,917 "Just come to us, tell us you're unhappy, 340 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,708 "write a big donation check to our ministry. 341 00:17:27,792 --> 00:17:30,583 "We'll pull a few verses out of context and tell you 342 00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:32,208 God's okay with it." 343 00:17:32,292 --> 00:17:36,583 Some churches, denominations, and leaders still do this. 344 00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:39,500 The Bible calls them false prophets, false teachers, 345 00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:42,167 false apostles. 346 00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:44,708 They're people who are for hire. 347 00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:47,708 You come in, tell 'em what you want, write a check, 348 00:17:47,792 --> 00:17:52,583 and they're parrots who say what you told them to say. 349 00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:54,625 There are a few large churches in America, 350 00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:57,333 I'm not gonna name the names, but it's amazing today because 351 00:17:57,375 --> 00:18:01,208 the pastors are in the process of divorcing their spouse, 352 00:18:01,292 --> 00:18:06,000 some under the charge of adultery, 353 00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:09,208 and they're not even taking a week off of work. 354 00:18:09,292 --> 00:18:11,083 It just keeps going. 355 00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:14,208 And the people in their congregation don't leave 356 00:18:14,292 --> 00:18:19,000 or declare war or hire someone else. 357 00:18:19,042 --> 00:18:23,000 And part of the reason may be that the people came to that 358 00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:26,167 church because they wanted to live disobedient lives, 359 00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:29,708 and as long as their leadership gives them permission to live 360 00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:33,833 disobedient lives, they will not be upset by the disobedient life 361 00:18:33,875 --> 00:18:37,625 of the leader. 362 00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:43,083 And it's horrendous, but it's common. 363 00:18:44,542 --> 00:18:47,625 There are some churches who, in an effort to keep their giving 364 00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:51,208 high and to keep their attendance up and to keep 365 00:18:51,292 --> 00:18:54,000 those who are most powerful among them, 366 00:18:54,083 --> 00:18:56,833 don't call people to repentance of sin. 367 00:18:56,875 --> 00:18:59,625 Instead, they accommodate and tolerate. 368 00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:02,000 And the truth is that's not loving to God 369 00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:04,208 and it's not loving to the people, 370 00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:07,208 particularly when it comes to marriage. 371 00:19:07,292 --> 00:19:09,375 And we'll get into the issue of divorce, 372 00:19:09,458 --> 00:19:12,125 but the truth is many Christians 373 00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:14,083 do not have biblical grounds for divorce. 374 00:19:14,167 --> 00:19:15,500 Some do. 375 00:19:15,583 --> 00:19:19,000 We want to be kind and tender and loving regarding that issue, 376 00:19:19,083 --> 00:19:21,000 but with the number of Christians getting divorced 377 00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:23,875 and the number of churches that are sanctioning this kind of 378 00:19:23,958 --> 00:19:28,167 behavior, and even tolerating and accommodating adultery, 379 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:31,167 not everyone has biblical grounds. 380 00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:34,000 And some churches are not doing their job and they're falling 381 00:19:34,083 --> 00:19:36,667 into the same tragic error and folly 382 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:40,500 as these religious leaders. 383 00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:42,125 And it's sad. 384 00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:45,792 It's grievous. 385 00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:48,708 How about your marriage? 386 00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:53,208 Some of you are single, but 93% of you statistically will marry. 387 00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:56,500 As Jesus hits this issue of divorce, it is an issue, 388 00:19:56,542 --> 00:19:58,708 quite frankly, that touches us all. 389 00:19:58,792 --> 00:20:00,708 For some of you, this was your grandparents, 390 00:20:00,792 --> 00:20:03,500 this was your parents. 391 00:20:03,542 --> 00:20:06,417 For some of you, this is extended family, friends, 392 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:10,625 people you love and you know and your life is a front-row seat 393 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:15,000 to their pain and it's hard to watch. 394 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,708 We're all affected by it, family, friends, coworkers, 395 00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:20,125 neighbors, people we love and care about. 396 00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:22,500 For some, you are divorced. 397 00:20:22,542 --> 00:20:24,500 For some, you're in the process of divorce. 398 00:20:24,583 --> 00:20:28,167 For some, apart from some fast grace, 399 00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:33,375 you are headed toward disaster, devastation, divorce. 400 00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:39,000 And Jesus tells these religious leaders, 401 00:20:39,083 --> 00:20:41,833 "Why in the world would you criticize everyone 402 00:20:41,875 --> 00:20:44,500 "while you're divorcing your own wife? 403 00:20:44,583 --> 00:20:47,625 "Why would you lay heavy burdens on people when you're 404 00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:50,917 "committing adultery on your own wife? 405 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,167 "Why would you argue with people over secondary issues that don't 406 00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:57,583 "matter and when the most important thing in the world 407 00:20:57,667 --> 00:21:00,125 "after their relationship with God, 408 00:21:00,167 --> 00:21:03,000 "their relationship with their spouse, is brought before you, 409 00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:07,000 "you don't examine, you don't investigate, you don't help, 410 00:21:07,042 --> 00:21:08,875 "you don't counsel. 411 00:21:08,958 --> 00:21:11,917 "You just cash their check and let them have a divorce 412 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,208 and tell them that God's okay with it?" 413 00:21:15,292 --> 00:21:17,292 Some are subtle about this. 414 00:21:17,333 --> 00:21:19,000 Others are very overt. 415 00:21:19,083 --> 00:21:20,625 I'll give you one example 416 00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:23,000 that I think I might have shared before. 417 00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:25,000 It was fairly early on in ministry. 418 00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:27,500 I had a man who came in for counseling and 419 00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:32,208 he had repeatedly, habitually committed adultery on his wife. 420 00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:35,500 And this included the hiring of prostitutes. 421 00:21:35,583 --> 00:21:38,708 And he told me and I said, "We have to tell your wife. 422 00:21:38,792 --> 00:21:42,125 "You tell her or I'll tell her, but she's gonna know soon. 423 00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:45,333 "And she needs to go in and get a test 'cause, who knows, 424 00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:47,167 you may have given her something." 425 00:21:47,250 --> 00:21:48,917 They've got kids. It's a disaster. 426 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,375 He says, "Oh, no, no, you can't tell her." 427 00:21:51,458 --> 00:21:54,167 "Yeah, I can. 428 00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:55,583 I can." 429 00:21:55,667 --> 00:21:57,000 "Oh, I believe in confidentiality." 430 00:21:57,042 --> 00:21:58,375 "Really? 431 00:21:58,458 --> 00:22:00,292 "I believe in Jesus, so, you know, 432 00:22:00,333 --> 00:22:02,292 "Jesus beats confidentiality. Rock, paper, scissors. 433 00:22:02,333 --> 00:22:04,917 Jesus, confidentiality--hey, Jesus wins, you know?" 434 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,625 And he looked at me, he said, 435 00:22:06,667 --> 00:22:10,375 "Well, how about if I write a check for $250,000?" 436 00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:12,000 I said, "I'm not a prostitute. 437 00:22:12,083 --> 00:22:14,583 I'm not for sale." 438 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,125 Right? 439 00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:20,917 You can't buy the approval of God. 440 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:26,125 You can't buy a rewriting of the Bible to fit your sinful heart. 441 00:22:26,167 --> 00:22:29,125 No. No. 442 00:22:29,167 --> 00:22:32,792 No, we love your wife and we love your kids and we love God 443 00:22:32,833 --> 00:22:35,625 and we love the truth and yeah, we love you, 444 00:22:35,667 --> 00:22:37,917 but the truth cannot be for sale. 445 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:43,208 The truth can never be for sale because the truth belong to God. 446 00:22:43,292 --> 00:22:49,000 And we all must give an account before him, including me. 447 00:22:49,083 --> 00:22:51,333 So we're gonna talk about divorce. 448 00:22:51,375 --> 00:22:54,833 Jesus here is not providing a lengthy instruction on divorce. 449 00:22:54,875 --> 00:23:00,708 He's pointing it out as a sin example in their life. 450 00:23:00,792 --> 00:23:04,708 But I know it raises for us all a host of complicated, 451 00:23:04,792 --> 00:23:08,125 difficult, painful questions. 452 00:23:08,167 --> 00:23:12,333 So let me try and answer them in an effort to serve you. 453 00:23:12,375 --> 00:23:14,583 Normally, I would just keep moving through Luke, 454 00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:17,875 but when we hit something that is such a cataclysmic issue in 455 00:23:17,958 --> 00:23:22,792 our day as divorce, we have to stop and unpack it biblically. 456 00:23:22,833 --> 00:23:25,333 If you're married, I'm gonna ask you to hold hands. 457 00:23:25,375 --> 00:23:30,000 And if you can't, it shows me you're in trouble. 458 00:23:30,083 --> 00:23:32,375 First question regarding divorce, 459 00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:35,000 what constitutes the biblical grounds for divorce? 460 00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:36,958 This is the first question. 461 00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:39,000 This is the first question. 462 00:23:39,083 --> 00:23:41,625 Now, let me preface all of this by talking 463 00:23:41,667 --> 00:23:44,000 about this pastorally. 464 00:23:44,083 --> 00:23:47,875 As I'm going to answer questions and give you Bible verses, 465 00:23:47,958 --> 00:23:50,917 and I would encourage you to read and study for yourself, 466 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:57,000 please, please, please don't turn this into a math equation. 467 00:23:57,042 --> 00:24:00,833 We're dealing with human beings and their lives. 468 00:24:00,875 --> 00:24:04,667 We're dealing with the second most important relationship, 469 00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:07,000 the relationship with your spouse, 470 00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:09,875 which is the relationship after your relationship with God 471 00:24:09,958 --> 00:24:12,417 in terms of priority. 472 00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:18,167 And what some people like to do is to lazily, religiously, 473 00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:23,500 sometimes hypocritically turn issues like divorce 474 00:24:23,583 --> 00:24:25,417 into a math equation. 475 00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:27,500 "Oh, yes, no, yes, no. 476 00:24:27,583 --> 00:24:29,208 "Oh, yes. 477 00:24:29,292 --> 00:24:30,792 "No, you can't get a divorce. 478 00:24:30,833 --> 00:24:32,333 You can get a divorce." 479 00:24:32,375 --> 00:24:34,000 It's not math, it's life. 480 00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:38,500 Math is easy, life is hard because the variables 481 00:24:38,583 --> 00:24:41,708 are very complicated, very difficult. 482 00:24:41,792 --> 00:24:44,125 And so, yes, we want to obey the Bible, 483 00:24:44,167 --> 00:24:47,833 but to do that the Bible tells us as well to be people 484 00:24:47,875 --> 00:24:50,792 who are in the lives of those who are suffering, 485 00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:53,917 pastors giving counsel and care. 486 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:59,500 Please don't treat this as a math equation. 487 00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:03,417 Furthermore, don't rush to judgment. 488 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:06,000 Just because your friend is hurting and/or filing for 489 00:25:06,042 --> 00:25:10,500 divorce, don't immediately just rush to their defense. 490 00:25:10,583 --> 00:25:13,333 The Bible says in Proverbs that everyone seems right 491 00:25:13,375 --> 00:25:15,500 until the other side is heard. 492 00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:19,417 That is particularly true when it comes to matters of marriage. 493 00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:22,000 How many of you have heard one side, gotten furious, 494 00:25:22,042 --> 00:25:24,000 and then heard the other side and said, 495 00:25:24,083 --> 00:25:25,833 "Wait, that's a very different story"? 496 00:25:25,875 --> 00:25:28,208 Welcome to pastoral counseling. 497 00:25:28,292 --> 00:25:30,708 I learned this the hard way early on in ministry, 498 00:25:30,792 --> 00:25:33,083 and I've used this illustration a few times. 499 00:25:33,167 --> 00:25:36,000 I'm a man who cares very much that women are treated lovingly 500 00:25:36,083 --> 00:25:38,833 and respectfully and that men are not harsh with their wives. 501 00:25:38,875 --> 00:25:42,000 A woman, I can't remember if she called or came into the office, 502 00:25:42,042 --> 00:25:44,000 but she was very emotional and crying and 503 00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:45,375 a young, newly married woman. 504 00:25:45,458 --> 00:25:47,708 And she said, "Pastor Mark, my husband grabbed me 505 00:25:47,792 --> 00:25:50,125 and he scared me and he restrained me." 506 00:25:50,167 --> 00:25:51,833 “Not in our church.” 507 00:25:51,875 --> 00:25:55,208 I put my red cape on, got my shirt with the S on it, 508 00:25:55,292 --> 00:25:56,917 and I was gonna go fix this. 509 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,333 So I call this guy into my office, I said, "Is this true?" 510 00:26:00,375 --> 00:26:03,167 "Yes, it is. But can I explain the details?" 511 00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:04,708 "Yes, you may." 512 00:26:04,792 --> 00:26:07,208 He says, "Well, you see this huge gash on my head?" 513 00:26:07,292 --> 00:26:08,625 "Yeah, I did notice that." 514 00:26:08,667 --> 00:26:10,000 "Well, we were eating dinner. 515 00:26:10,083 --> 00:26:11,792 "She got mad, picked up her plate, 516 00:26:11,833 --> 00:26:13,792 "and hit me in the head with it. 517 00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:16,792 And then she grabbed the steak knife, so I grabbed her wrists." 518 00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:20,000 I looked at her, I said, "Is that what you meant when you 519 00:26:20,042 --> 00:26:21,375 said he restrained you?" 520 00:26:21,458 --> 00:26:22,792 "Well, sort of." 521 00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:28,375 “Well, those are variables that are very important to the story. 522 00:26:30,583 --> 00:26:35,667 He grabbed your wrists so he wouldn't die.” 523 00:26:35,750 --> 00:26:38,333 That seems--all of a sudden, this seems more reasonable than 524 00:26:38,375 --> 00:26:40,292 I was expecting. 525 00:26:40,333 --> 00:26:41,875 Right? 526 00:26:41,958 --> 00:26:44,500 And the point of the story is everyone seems right 527 00:26:44,542 --> 00:26:46,708 till the other side of the matter is heard. 528 00:26:46,792 --> 00:26:48,417 So don't just rush to defense. 529 00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:51,333 If your friend, family member, coworker is hurting, all right, 530 00:26:51,375 --> 00:26:53,125 and they tell you something, you say, 531 00:26:53,167 --> 00:26:56,167 "That sounds horrible and I'm sorry for that," 532 00:26:56,250 --> 00:26:58,792 but don't immediately--you can be comforting and kind, 533 00:26:58,833 --> 00:27:01,875 but don't immediately rush to a judgment unless 534 00:27:01,958 --> 00:27:04,000 a full investigation is done. 535 00:27:04,042 --> 00:27:06,500 And if you're not in a position of spiritual leadership, 536 00:27:06,583 --> 00:27:10,500 you're not in a position to do that kind of investigation. 537 00:27:10,583 --> 00:27:12,500 So there are grounds for divorce. 538 00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:15,375 We are not a church that believes that no one ever 539 00:27:15,458 --> 00:27:16,917 has a right to a divorce. 540 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,792 We believe, sadly, tragically, painfully, 541 00:27:19,833 --> 00:27:24,917 there are occasions when divorce is permitted. 542 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,000 And here they are: 543 00:27:27,083 --> 00:27:30,458 Number one, it's not technically divorce, 544 00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:33,833 but it is the cessation of the marriage, that is death, 545 00:27:33,875 --> 00:27:37,625 Romans 7:2-4 and 1 Corinthians 7:39. 546 00:27:37,667 --> 00:27:42,208 Marriage is a covenant that lasts until death do we part. 547 00:27:42,292 --> 00:27:45,333 Upon death, the marriage covenant has ended and 548 00:27:45,375 --> 00:27:50,417 the widowed or widower spouse is welcome to remarry 549 00:27:50,500 --> 00:27:52,625 if in fact they so desire. 550 00:27:52,667 --> 00:27:55,208 It's okay. 551 00:27:55,292 --> 00:27:56,792 Grace and I love one another. 552 00:27:56,833 --> 00:27:59,292 In the providence of God, teaching this sermon this week, 553 00:27:59,333 --> 00:28:02,083 we just finished a book on marriage that we sent off 554 00:28:02,167 --> 00:28:03,500 to the publisher. 555 00:28:03,542 --> 00:28:04,875 It'll be out in January. 556 00:28:04,958 --> 00:28:07,833 And we just celebrated our 23rd anniversary of our first date. 557 00:28:07,875 --> 00:28:09,417 That was this week. 558 00:28:09,500 --> 00:28:12,417 And by the grace of God--we're very excited about that. 559 00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:16,708 By the grace of God, we'll be together until one of us dies. 560 00:28:16,792 --> 00:28:18,500 And then the Bible seems to indicate, 561 00:28:18,583 --> 00:28:20,125 according to the teaching of Jesus, 562 00:28:20,167 --> 00:28:22,792 that in heaven we'll be like the angels, not married. 563 00:28:22,833 --> 00:28:25,500 So our marriage covenant ends at the end of this life. 564 00:28:25,583 --> 00:28:28,000 Our friendship will continue in the kingdom of God and 565 00:28:28,083 --> 00:28:32,208 the resurrection of the dead, but should one of us pass, 566 00:28:32,292 --> 00:28:35,000 the other is perhaps free to remarry if that's in fact 567 00:28:35,083 --> 00:28:37,000 what they want to do. 568 00:28:37,042 --> 00:28:40,417 Number two, adultery, Deuteronomy 22:22 569 00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:43,000 and Matthew 5:32. 570 00:28:43,042 --> 00:28:45,583 Jesus says that it is, both in the old covenant 571 00:28:45,667 --> 00:28:48,375 and the new covenant, it is permissible to get a divorce 572 00:28:48,458 --> 00:28:50,208 in the case of adultery. 573 00:28:50,292 --> 00:28:52,875 Part of the covenant of marriage is that one man and 574 00:28:52,958 --> 00:28:55,667 one woman would be one flesh, and adultery is the betrayal 575 00:28:55,750 --> 00:28:59,000 of the oneness of the covenant. 576 00:28:59,083 --> 00:29:02,833 It is the breaking of the covenant vows. 577 00:29:02,875 --> 00:29:06,208 This means that, yes, adultery can destroy a marriage. 578 00:29:06,292 --> 00:29:10,083 And adultery is a sin, and sin leads to death, 579 00:29:10,167 --> 00:29:12,917 and sin can lead to the death of the marriage. 580 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:14,917 This does not mean, if adultery is committed, 581 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,500 that you have to get a divorce, 582 00:29:17,583 --> 00:29:22,417 but it means that you may have biblical grounds to do so. 583 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:28,000 Subsequently, you need to be very careful who you marry. 584 00:29:28,042 --> 00:29:30,708 For those of you who are single, the second most important 585 00:29:30,792 --> 00:29:33,875 decision you will ever make is who you marry. 586 00:29:33,958 --> 00:29:36,875 The first important decision you will ever make is which God 587 00:29:36,958 --> 00:29:38,875 you will worship. 588 00:29:38,958 --> 00:29:42,375 If it is not someone you can be faithful to and they can be 589 00:29:42,458 --> 00:29:46,208 faithful to you, you will be in a horrible position, 590 00:29:46,292 --> 00:29:49,000 particularly if and when you have children. 591 00:29:49,083 --> 00:29:51,708 And I see it repeatedly where there are children involved 592 00:29:51,792 --> 00:29:54,792 and adultery has been committed, and it leaves the marriage 593 00:29:54,833 --> 00:29:58,625 in a very painful place because those who are married 594 00:29:58,667 --> 00:30:01,500 with children who have been cheated on 595 00:30:01,583 --> 00:30:04,125 by an adulterating spouse know that 596 00:30:04,167 --> 00:30:07,125 simply to get a divorce does not mean that it's over, because, 597 00:30:07,167 --> 00:30:10,333 as long as there are children, it's never over. 598 00:30:10,375 --> 00:30:13,667 You've got birthdays and holidays 599 00:30:13,750 --> 00:30:17,375 and, someday, grandchildren. 600 00:30:17,458 --> 00:30:20,208 Subsequently, some people decide, 601 00:30:20,292 --> 00:30:22,083 "We're not going to get a divorce. 602 00:30:22,167 --> 00:30:25,000 "We're going to get help. We're going to work on it. 603 00:30:25,083 --> 00:30:27,000 We're going to try and get through it." 604 00:30:27,083 --> 00:30:28,417 Those are noble people. 605 00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:32,625 It takes both the adulterer to earnestly repent and the spouse 606 00:30:32,667 --> 00:30:36,000 who has been sinned against to earnestly forgive. 607 00:30:36,083 --> 00:30:38,875 Trust is built slowly, lost quickly. 608 00:30:38,958 --> 00:30:41,667 This takes a lot of tears and time. 609 00:30:41,750 --> 00:30:44,917 We have seen couples make it through adultery. 610 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,833 It's not required. 611 00:30:47,875 --> 00:30:50,708 It is noble. 612 00:30:50,792 --> 00:30:54,417 But divorce is permissible. 613 00:30:54,500 --> 00:30:57,667 It is permissible. 614 00:30:57,750 --> 00:31:03,000 Number three, sexual immorality, Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9. 615 00:31:03,042 --> 00:31:06,000 Matthew 5 and Matthew 19 are the 2 sections of the Bible 616 00:31:06,042 --> 00:31:08,583 where Jesus deals with marriage, adultery, 617 00:31:08,667 --> 00:31:13,208 divorce in the most extensive fashion if you want to read it. 618 00:31:13,292 --> 00:31:17,417 And the word for adultery therein is--it's a Greek word. 619 00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:19,792 In the original text, it's “moikea.” 620 00:31:19,833 --> 00:31:22,000 And then he uses another word, “porneia.” 621 00:31:22,083 --> 00:31:25,292 It's the same root from which we get “pornography” 622 00:31:25,333 --> 00:31:27,208 and it's a general term meaning 623 00:31:27,292 --> 00:31:30,667 all kinds of sexual immorality and sin. 624 00:31:30,750 --> 00:31:33,500 And Jesus is saying that sometimes it's hard to prove 625 00:31:33,583 --> 00:31:36,625 adultery because people are secretive in their sin. 626 00:31:36,667 --> 00:31:39,417 There are other kinds of sexual sin that may not fit 627 00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:41,917 the technical definition of adultery, 628 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,125 but they do qualify as infidelity. 629 00:31:45,167 --> 00:31:47,667 Today, this would include such things as, you know, 630 00:31:47,750 --> 00:31:51,875 a spouse who's got online nefarious relationships of 631 00:31:51,958 --> 00:31:55,333 various sorts and kinds, addiction to pornography, 632 00:31:55,375 --> 00:31:57,667 things of that nature. 633 00:31:57,750 --> 00:32:00,083 And they would say, "Well, I've not technically committed 634 00:32:00,167 --> 00:32:02,708 adultery and been physically present with someone," 635 00:32:02,792 --> 00:32:04,833 but you've committed porneia. 636 00:32:04,875 --> 00:32:08,125 You are sexually corrupted. 637 00:32:08,167 --> 00:32:11,375 And that doesn't mean that you have to get a divorce, again, 638 00:32:11,458 --> 00:32:15,625 but it does mean if there is this ongoing pattern of sexual 639 00:32:15,667 --> 00:32:20,667 sin and filth that violates the covenant terms of oneness 640 00:32:20,750 --> 00:32:25,083 and fidelity, then yes, there may be grounds for divorce. 641 00:32:25,167 --> 00:32:27,125 And these are difficult circumstances 642 00:32:27,167 --> 00:32:28,917 and judgment calls. 643 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,500 That's why it takes leadership that is loving and prayerful 644 00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:36,125 and careful and biblical to be involved, to help understand 645 00:32:36,167 --> 00:32:38,917 and unpack all of this. 646 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,417 See, some of you guys are single and you have these kinds of sins 647 00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:43,833 and issues in your life. 648 00:32:43,875 --> 00:32:46,333 You think, "Well, if I get married, that'll fix it." 649 00:32:46,375 --> 00:32:47,833 No, it won't. 650 00:32:47,875 --> 00:32:50,333 You put your sin to death before you get married. 651 00:32:50,375 --> 00:32:53,917 Otherwise, you will kill your wife. 652 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:57,125 Number four, another condition or ground for divorce 653 00:32:57,167 --> 00:32:59,208 is that a non-Christian quits the marriage. 654 00:32:59,292 --> 00:33:01,292 This is in 1 Corinthians 7:10-24. 655 00:33:01,333 --> 00:33:03,208 And this can happen a few different ways. 656 00:33:03,292 --> 00:33:04,875 A Christian marries a non-Christian, 657 00:33:04,958 --> 00:33:08,375 you're not supposed to do that, but some people do. 658 00:33:08,458 --> 00:33:12,708 I would beg you, I would implore you, I would invite you, 659 00:33:12,792 --> 00:33:16,708 do not marry a non-Christian. 660 00:33:16,792 --> 00:33:20,167 Go through the Mars Hill premarital process. 661 00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:22,417 Let us get to know you. 662 00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:26,167 Let us unpack your history, baggage, and all the carry-ons. 663 00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:28,875 Let's look at all of it. 664 00:33:28,958 --> 00:33:31,125 Let's take our time. 665 00:33:31,167 --> 00:33:32,833 Let's open the Bible. 666 00:33:32,875 --> 00:33:35,208 Let's help you make this decision. 667 00:33:35,292 --> 00:33:37,708 And you may say, "No, we're in a hurry!" 668 00:33:37,792 --> 00:33:41,083 The best decisions are made prayerfully and carefully, 669 00:33:41,167 --> 00:33:43,625 not hurriedly. 670 00:33:43,667 --> 00:33:46,167 Furthermore, some of you won't go through premarital 671 00:33:46,250 --> 00:33:48,125 because you know we'll say no. 672 00:33:48,167 --> 00:33:52,125 We're going to say no because we love you. 673 00:33:52,167 --> 00:33:54,792 We see it over and over and over. 674 00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:58,125 And this is the devastating part of pastoral ministry. 675 00:33:58,167 --> 00:34:04,083 You get married, you have kids, and then it absolutely explodes 676 00:34:04,167 --> 00:34:08,500 in chaos and disaster. 677 00:34:08,583 --> 00:34:10,917 Let us help you. 678 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:15,000 The reason we have since day one had intensive 679 00:34:15,083 --> 00:34:18,708 premarital counseling is to help people 680 00:34:18,792 --> 00:34:22,500 make the second most important decision of their life. 681 00:34:22,583 --> 00:34:24,417 We love you. We're here for you. 682 00:34:24,500 --> 00:34:27,083 We care for you. It's free. 683 00:34:27,167 --> 00:34:29,375 It's not about the money. 684 00:34:29,458 --> 00:34:32,417 It's about you and your kids and your grandkids and your legacy 685 00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:35,000 and your lineage and your joy. 686 00:34:35,083 --> 00:34:37,125 Let us help. 687 00:34:37,167 --> 00:34:39,333 So sometimes a Christian marries a non-Christian and 688 00:34:39,375 --> 00:34:42,000 the non-Christian just leaves at some point in the marriage. 689 00:34:42,042 --> 00:34:43,917 Sometimes two people marry as non-Christian, 690 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,292 one becomes a Christian, and then the non-Christian says, 691 00:34:46,333 --> 00:34:49,792 "I did not sign up to be married to a Christian," and they leave. 692 00:34:49,833 --> 00:34:51,167 They file for divorce, 693 00:34:51,250 --> 00:34:54,333 and when you have a no-fault divorce society, 694 00:34:54,375 --> 00:34:55,833 you can't stop it. 695 00:34:55,875 --> 00:34:57,667 There's nothing you can do about it. 696 00:34:57,750 --> 00:35:00,625 They file for divorce, you're gonna get divorced. 697 00:35:00,667 --> 00:35:04,500 I've seen this repeatedly and it's very hard and sad. 698 00:35:04,583 --> 00:35:06,833 Already today I've prayed with a number of women 699 00:35:06,875 --> 00:35:10,333 who are believers, but their husbands are unbelievers. 700 00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:11,917 Now let me say this. 701 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,708 For those of you women who are believers and your husband 702 00:35:14,792 --> 00:35:19,708 is an unbeliever, you need to have a long view of things. 703 00:35:19,792 --> 00:35:23,125 You need to love, pray, care, serve. 704 00:35:23,167 --> 00:35:26,500 Places like 1 Corinthians 7 and 1 Peter 3 are where 705 00:35:26,542 --> 00:35:28,625 you need to anchor your heart. 706 00:35:28,667 --> 00:35:32,333 Women like Esther are those you need to look at and learn from. 707 00:35:32,375 --> 00:35:34,667 There are also books for women in that condition. 708 00:35:34,750 --> 00:35:38,000 One is by a guy named Strobel, S-T-R-O-B-E-L. 709 00:35:38,083 --> 00:35:40,792 The other is by Murrow, M-U-R-R-O-W. 710 00:35:40,833 --> 00:35:44,125 These are books for wives who are believers that have husbands 711 00:35:44,167 --> 00:35:48,208 who are unbelievers, practical ways to help them find God. 712 00:35:48,292 --> 00:35:51,417 But here, and I say this not to discourage you because I have 713 00:35:51,500 --> 00:35:55,500 seen God answer the prayers of believing women and see their 714 00:35:55,542 --> 00:36:01,333 husbands come to faith in Jesus, but statistically it is unusual. 715 00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:04,917 A lot of women think, "Well, I'll influence him." 716 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,000 It tends not to go that way. 717 00:36:08,042 --> 00:36:10,292 For those of you men who are believers 718 00:36:10,333 --> 00:36:13,333 and your wives are unbelievers, statistically there are 719 00:36:13,375 --> 00:36:17,333 greater odds that she will convert in that scenario 720 00:36:17,375 --> 00:36:19,833 because if you love her as Christ loves the church 721 00:36:19,875 --> 00:36:22,333 and you're humble and gracious and you're the family leader 722 00:36:22,375 --> 00:36:24,083 and you're opening the Bible and praying 723 00:36:24,167 --> 00:36:26,292 and going to church, it is more likely 724 00:36:26,333 --> 00:36:28,625 that she will follow your faith 725 00:36:28,667 --> 00:36:31,417 than you would be to follow her faith. 726 00:36:31,500 --> 00:36:34,125 And again, we've seen miracles and God do amazing things 727 00:36:34,167 --> 00:36:37,583 and that's what we want for everyone, 728 00:36:37,667 --> 00:36:39,833 but sometimes what happens when a believer marries 729 00:36:39,875 --> 00:36:43,333 an unbeliever, or rather two unbelievers marry 730 00:36:43,375 --> 00:36:46,125 and one converts, is that the unbeliever leaves. 731 00:36:46,167 --> 00:36:48,208 They want nothing to do with the believer. 732 00:36:48,292 --> 00:36:50,667 This can also happen in a third scenario, 733 00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:52,875 where two professing Christians marry, 734 00:36:52,958 --> 00:36:54,708 and at some point in the marriage, 735 00:36:54,792 --> 00:36:56,792 one becomes what we will call apostate. 736 00:36:56,833 --> 00:36:59,333 They decide, "I want nothing to do with Jesus, Bible, 737 00:36:59,375 --> 00:37:03,000 and the church, and so I'm leaving you." 738 00:37:03,083 --> 00:37:04,708 Or they'll make an ultimatum like, 739 00:37:04,792 --> 00:37:07,708 "You're not allowed to pray with our kids, take them to church, 740 00:37:07,792 --> 00:37:09,583 or tell them about Jesus." 741 00:37:09,667 --> 00:37:12,333 I had a woman recently who was given this ultimatum 742 00:37:12,375 --> 00:37:14,333 by her unbelieving husband. 743 00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:19,000 She said, "I love you, but Jesus is my first relationship. 744 00:37:19,083 --> 00:37:22,417 "And I don't want a divorce and I'm not trying to pick a fight 745 00:37:22,500 --> 00:37:25,625 "but at the end of the day, I'm gonna read my Bible, pray, 746 00:37:25,667 --> 00:37:28,125 and I'm gonna talk to the kids about Jesus." 747 00:37:28,167 --> 00:37:30,417 And he said, "If you do, I will leave." 748 00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:32,208 She said, "That's not what I want, 749 00:37:32,292 --> 00:37:34,000 "but you have to make your decision. 750 00:37:34,083 --> 00:37:35,500 I've made mine." 751 00:37:35,583 --> 00:37:40,833 Those are painful situations, very hard situations. 752 00:37:40,875 --> 00:37:43,625 But when an unbeliever leaves, the Bible says you're not 753 00:37:43,667 --> 00:37:45,583 bound in such circumstances. 754 00:37:45,667 --> 00:37:48,208 That is grounds for divorce. 755 00:37:48,292 --> 00:37:50,417 Also, number five, treachery 756 00:37:50,500 --> 00:37:53,208 or treasonous betrayal and behavior. 757 00:37:53,292 --> 00:37:56,708 This comes from Malachi 2:14-16. 758 00:37:56,792 --> 00:37:59,917 And in that section, there's a verse that often gets taken out 759 00:38:00,042 --> 00:38:02,333 by religious people to beat people up. 760 00:38:02,375 --> 00:38:05,000 And I want to correct the misuse of that verse. 761 00:38:05,042 --> 00:38:08,375 It says, "God hates divorce." 762 00:38:08,458 --> 00:38:12,417 What it doesn't say is that God hates the divorcee. 763 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:14,917 That's not what it says. 764 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,125 The divorcee hates divorce too. 765 00:38:18,167 --> 00:38:20,375 See, it breaks the heart of God 766 00:38:20,458 --> 00:38:22,417 as it breaks the heart of the divorcee. 767 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,208 Because when people get married, 768 00:38:24,292 --> 00:38:26,417 they're not anticipating divorce. 769 00:38:26,500 --> 00:38:28,708 They're thinking of the rest of their life together, 770 00:38:28,792 --> 00:38:32,292 growing old together, taking care of one another. 771 00:38:32,333 --> 00:38:35,500 And when divorce comes, it's devastating for them. 772 00:38:35,583 --> 00:38:37,875 The whole life they had envisioned 773 00:38:37,958 --> 00:38:40,000 comes crashing around them. 774 00:38:40,083 --> 00:38:42,083 Financially, it becomes very complicated. 775 00:38:42,167 --> 00:38:43,708 The lawyers get involved. 776 00:38:43,792 --> 00:38:46,333 If there are children, now there are custody agreements, 777 00:38:46,375 --> 00:38:50,000 and there's parental swapping, and haggling over holidays 778 00:38:50,042 --> 00:38:53,667 and birthdays and weekend visitation and stress. 779 00:38:53,750 --> 00:38:56,125 And should you remarry or remain single? 780 00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:57,500 And how long? 781 00:38:57,583 --> 00:39:00,125 And what if they are in love with someone else 782 00:39:00,167 --> 00:39:02,625 and you have to see them with their new beloved? 783 00:39:02,667 --> 00:39:05,417 The whole thing is horrible. 784 00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:08,125 It's painful. 785 00:39:08,167 --> 00:39:11,625 We've got a dear friend of ours who is in the midst of divorce 786 00:39:11,667 --> 00:39:16,125 and she has said, quote, "I hate divorce because of all 787 00:39:16,167 --> 00:39:19,500 "the complexity and the pain and the suffering 788 00:39:19,583 --> 00:39:22,375 and the anguish that it brings." 789 00:39:22,458 --> 00:39:25,417 God doesn't hate the divorcee. 790 00:39:25,500 --> 00:39:27,500 God loves the divorcee. 791 00:39:27,583 --> 00:39:31,125 But he hates divorce just as the divorcee does because sin 792 00:39:31,167 --> 00:39:34,000 leads to death, and when there is divorce, 793 00:39:34,042 --> 00:39:40,208 it means that sin has led to the murder of the marriage. 794 00:39:40,292 --> 00:39:43,792 And the condition in Malachi 2 is this. 795 00:39:43,833 --> 00:39:49,708 Believing men disobeyed God and married unbelieving women who 796 00:39:49,792 --> 00:39:55,125 worshiped false, foreign gods, exactly what God said not to do. 797 00:39:55,167 --> 00:40:00,083 And this is like some of you who are now dating, flirting, 798 00:40:00,167 --> 00:40:06,583 God forbid living, sleeping with people who are not Christians. 799 00:40:06,667 --> 00:40:09,500 You shouldn't be living and sleeping with anyone. 800 00:40:09,583 --> 00:40:13,125 But you're in a relationship as a Christian with someone 801 00:40:13,167 --> 00:40:16,000 who's a non-Christian and you shouldn't be. 802 00:40:16,083 --> 00:40:19,292 Well, God's men got in these relationships and the reason 803 00:40:19,333 --> 00:40:23,917 they did was because these women were beautiful. 804 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,333 Okay, and I tell you this all the time. 805 00:40:26,375 --> 00:40:28,792 Yeah, they're hot. So's hell. 806 00:40:28,833 --> 00:40:33,125 Don't lose perspective. Right? 807 00:40:33,167 --> 00:40:35,125 So these guys are thinking, 808 00:40:35,167 --> 00:40:38,125 "Whoa, those gals are really nice to look at. 809 00:40:38,167 --> 00:40:39,500 We'll marry them." 810 00:40:39,583 --> 00:40:41,708 And then they marry them, and you know what? 811 00:40:41,792 --> 00:40:43,125 They don't like them. 812 00:40:43,167 --> 00:40:45,708 "She doesn't worship my God. She doesn't obey the Bible. 813 00:40:45,792 --> 00:40:47,917 "She doesn't want to go to church with me. 814 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,667 "She doesn't want to pray with me. 815 00:40:49,750 --> 00:40:51,417 "She wants to worship a different god. 816 00:40:51,500 --> 00:40:52,833 "Oh, now we have kids. 817 00:40:52,875 --> 00:40:54,833 She wants our kids to worship her god." 818 00:40:54,875 --> 00:40:57,792 And then the men became very harsh with their wives, 819 00:40:57,833 --> 00:41:02,000 very cruel, very mean, very treacherous. 820 00:41:02,083 --> 00:41:05,375 And they said, "We're gonna try to shove you out so that then 821 00:41:05,458 --> 00:41:09,125 we can get a divorce and go marry some godly women." 822 00:41:09,167 --> 00:41:12,000 And God says, "No way. 823 00:41:12,083 --> 00:41:15,333 "I told you not to marry those women and you did. 824 00:41:15,375 --> 00:41:18,125 "Now you married them and you have children with them. 825 00:41:18,167 --> 00:41:22,792 "You can't just mistreat them, abuse them, divorce them, 826 00:41:22,833 --> 00:41:25,000 and trade them in." 827 00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:29,875 God loves the unbelieving women as well and God commands 828 00:41:29,958 --> 00:41:33,708 the believing men to stop treating them in a treacherous 829 00:41:33,792 --> 00:41:35,625 or treasonous way. 830 00:41:35,667 --> 00:41:38,167 And in marriage, people do some horrendous, 831 00:41:38,250 --> 00:41:41,167 nefarious things to one another. 832 00:41:41,250 --> 00:41:44,125 I've seen people do the most cruel, bitter, 833 00:41:44,167 --> 00:41:48,500 mean-spirited things to one another. 834 00:41:48,583 --> 00:41:51,208 And the Bible here is talking about various ways 835 00:41:51,292 --> 00:41:53,417 that we destroy one another. 836 00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:56,167 And again, it takes spiritual leadership to investigate it, 837 00:41:56,250 --> 00:41:59,833 but sometimes it does rise to the level of being 838 00:41:59,875 --> 00:42:02,625 grounds for divorce. 839 00:42:02,667 --> 00:42:06,000 And it ultimately is the result of hardness of heart. 840 00:42:06,083 --> 00:42:10,500 And Jesus in Matthew 19:8 and Mark 10:5, 841 00:42:10,583 --> 00:42:13,417 he talks about Moses in the Old Testament, 842 00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:18,500 who permitted divorce because of, quote, “hardness of heart.” 843 00:42:18,542 --> 00:42:24,125 Hardness of heart is where one person in the marriage 844 00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:27,708 refuses to admit any wrongdoing. 845 00:42:27,792 --> 00:42:29,333 "Did you contribute to this?" 846 00:42:29,375 --> 00:42:31,583 "Nope, I didn't do anything. It's their fault." 847 00:42:31,667 --> 00:42:35,917 They're blame shifting, defending, accusing, attacking. 848 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,208 "So you have nothing to work on? You have nothing to change?" 849 00:42:39,292 --> 00:42:40,625 "You know what? 850 00:42:40,667 --> 00:42:42,333 "They're the problem in the marriage. 851 00:42:42,375 --> 00:42:44,333 I'm good, they're bad. It's their fault." 852 00:42:44,375 --> 00:42:46,333 "Yeah, but you said or did this." 853 00:42:46,375 --> 00:42:47,708 "Yeah, well, they made me 854 00:42:47,792 --> 00:42:49,917 because that's the way they are." 855 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:51,500 Hardness of heart. 856 00:42:51,583 --> 00:42:54,833 No recognition of your own transgression. 857 00:42:54,875 --> 00:42:57,333 And/or when you're sinned against, 858 00:42:57,375 --> 00:42:59,167 you just refuse to forgive. 859 00:42:59,250 --> 00:43:01,500 "Look, they're crying. They're devastated. 860 00:43:01,583 --> 00:43:03,500 "They've admitted it. They're sorry. 861 00:43:03,542 --> 00:43:05,833 "You don't need to fully trust them yet, 862 00:43:05,875 --> 00:43:08,500 "but can you forgive them so that there is the possibility 863 00:43:08,583 --> 00:43:10,083 of regaining and rebuilding trust?" 864 00:43:10,167 --> 00:43:12,000 "No, I'll never forgive them. 865 00:43:12,083 --> 00:43:13,917 "What they've done is unforgivable. 866 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:15,333 They're dead to me." 867 00:43:15,375 --> 00:43:17,083 Ah, hardness of heart. 868 00:43:17,167 --> 00:43:19,417 They just--you can't move. 869 00:43:19,500 --> 00:43:23,625 The people are just stiff-necked, hard-hearted, 870 00:43:23,667 --> 00:43:28,125 stubborn, and entrenched in their position. 871 00:43:28,167 --> 00:43:31,667 Under such conditions, it may rise to the level 872 00:43:31,750 --> 00:43:33,417 of grounds for divorce. 873 00:43:33,500 --> 00:43:37,625 It may. 874 00:43:37,667 --> 00:43:42,000 And as a pastor, I just tell you this, emotionally, 875 00:43:42,083 --> 00:43:45,917 this is so hard to see. 876 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:52,625 Adultery, treacherous behavior, hardness of heart, 877 00:43:52,667 --> 00:43:57,000 sexual immorality of various sorts and kinds. 878 00:44:00,042 --> 00:44:03,500 Man, I just--all day, I just keep thinking of people that I 879 00:44:03,583 --> 00:44:08,000 know and people that I love and conversations that I've had 880 00:44:08,083 --> 00:44:12,333 and tragedies that I've witnessed. 881 00:44:12,375 --> 00:44:15,208 We're not a church that often says, "Yes, get a divorce. 882 00:44:15,292 --> 00:44:16,792 It's hard." 883 00:44:16,833 --> 00:44:18,333 We're not that church. 884 00:44:18,375 --> 00:44:20,292 We're also not the church that says, 885 00:44:20,333 --> 00:44:22,667 "Nobody should ever get a divorce." 886 00:44:22,750 --> 00:44:27,417 Somewhere between hard, rough, legalistic religion that says 887 00:44:27,500 --> 00:44:30,875 nobody ever gets a divorce, and permissive, liberal, 888 00:44:30,958 --> 00:44:33,833 "We'll cash your checks and be false prophets, 889 00:44:33,875 --> 00:44:37,208 "so just tell us what your reasons are and we'll say 890 00:44:37,292 --> 00:44:38,708 God's okay with it." 891 00:44:38,792 --> 00:44:42,625 Somewhere between those two extremes of all or nothing is 892 00:44:42,667 --> 00:44:45,667 biblical wisdom, discernment that comes with a broken heart, 893 00:44:45,750 --> 00:44:50,333 compassion, love, affection for people. 894 00:44:50,375 --> 00:44:53,625 We really want to help. 895 00:44:53,667 --> 00:44:55,875 And these are the grounds. 896 00:44:55,958 --> 00:44:59,167 And like I told you, when you're dealing with issues of life, 897 00:44:59,250 --> 00:45:01,917 particularly those regarding marriage, 898 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,625 it's more of an art than a science. 899 00:45:04,667 --> 00:45:08,375 It's not math, it's shepherding. 900 00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:11,708 Got to get to know people, got to check it all out, 901 00:45:11,792 --> 00:45:13,792 got to see what's going on. 902 00:45:13,833 --> 00:45:15,792 Got to prayerfully, carefully, biblically, 903 00:45:15,833 --> 00:45:19,833 patiently come to a conclusion. 904 00:45:19,875 --> 00:45:23,333 So that leads to the next question. 905 00:45:23,375 --> 00:45:25,875 Who gets to decide if biblical grounds have been met? 906 00:45:25,958 --> 00:45:27,292 Now let me say this, 907 00:45:27,333 --> 00:45:30,125 you don't get to decide if you have biblical grounds. 908 00:45:30,167 --> 00:45:32,708 You can't be the umpire in your own life. 909 00:45:32,792 --> 00:45:35,625 I would also tell you not to be your own doctor 910 00:45:35,667 --> 00:45:39,000 or commit surgery on yourself, right? 911 00:45:39,083 --> 00:45:41,208 Get somebody else who's a little more objective 912 00:45:41,292 --> 00:45:43,208 to look at your life. 913 00:45:43,292 --> 00:45:45,708 So just 'cause I teach you the Bible doesn't mean, 914 00:45:45,792 --> 00:45:47,208 "Oh, I have grounds for divorce. 915 00:45:47,292 --> 00:45:48,625 Pastor Mark said so." 916 00:45:48,667 --> 00:45:50,125 People go crazy with this stuff. 917 00:45:50,167 --> 00:45:51,625 I actually get this on Facebook. 918 00:45:51,667 --> 00:45:53,125 I've had people on Facebook, many, 919 00:45:53,167 --> 00:45:54,625 "Pastor Mark, my husband did this. 920 00:45:54,667 --> 00:45:56,000 Can I get a divorce?" 921 00:45:56,083 --> 00:45:58,000 In 140 characters, we're going to unpack divorce? 922 00:45:58,083 --> 00:45:59,833 It's going to take more than that. 923 00:45:59,875 --> 00:46:02,917 Like, I'm going to need to talk to him maybe or interview 924 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:04,417 some people or meet you. 925 00:46:04,500 --> 00:46:07,000 There's variables, all right? 926 00:46:07,083 --> 00:46:10,708 But see, those who want to have a “godly divorce,” 927 00:46:10,792 --> 00:46:13,833 they will simply pick whatever information justifies their 928 00:46:13,875 --> 00:46:17,667 position and then render a verdict about their own status 929 00:46:17,750 --> 00:46:20,500 and then declare themselves holy in the sight of God. 930 00:46:20,542 --> 00:46:22,375 It's not that easy. 931 00:46:22,458 --> 00:46:24,917 That's why God gives us not only the Bible, 932 00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,125 but spiritual leadership to help us understand the Bible 933 00:46:28,167 --> 00:46:30,500 and obey it by the grace of God. 934 00:46:30,542 --> 00:46:34,083 So 1 Peter 5:1-2, Peter says, "So I exhort the elders among 935 00:46:34,167 --> 00:46:36,500 you, as a fellow elder," or pastor. 936 00:46:36,583 --> 00:46:38,333 Those words are used synonymously. 937 00:46:38,375 --> 00:46:40,667 "Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, 938 00:46:40,750 --> 00:46:42,375 exercising oversight." 939 00:46:42,458 --> 00:46:44,833 So the Bible says that Jesus is our chief shepherd, 940 00:46:44,875 --> 00:46:46,583 pastors are like under-shepherds, 941 00:46:46,667 --> 00:46:49,500 and that people are like sheep and that the church is like 942 00:46:49,583 --> 00:46:52,500 a flock and that it is our duty and joy and privilege 943 00:46:52,583 --> 00:46:54,875 and responsibility to shepherd and provide oversight, 944 00:46:54,958 --> 00:46:57,125 to help oversee things. 945 00:46:57,167 --> 00:46:59,125 So you may say, "Okay, here's my situation." 946 00:46:59,167 --> 00:47:00,625 Great. 947 00:47:00,667 --> 00:47:03,333 Talk to a pastor and we have other leaders as well, 948 00:47:03,375 --> 00:47:05,333 deacons and biblical counselors and community group leaders 949 00:47:05,375 --> 00:47:08,500 and redemption group leaders, and it's our joy and privilege 950 00:47:08,583 --> 00:47:10,708 and honor and responsibility 951 00:47:10,792 --> 00:47:13,500 to help figure these issues out with you. 952 00:47:13,583 --> 00:47:15,583 Additionally, it says in Hebrews 13, 953 00:47:15,667 --> 00:47:17,417 "Obey your leaders and submit to them, 954 00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:19,500 "for they are keeping watch over your souls, 955 00:47:19,542 --> 00:47:21,500 "as those who have to give an account. 956 00:47:21,542 --> 00:47:24,000 "Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, 957 00:47:24,042 --> 00:47:26,333 for that would be of no advantage to you." 958 00:47:26,375 --> 00:47:29,125 Okay, what he says is first of all that, as leaders, 959 00:47:29,167 --> 00:47:32,125 we need to love you and serve you, want good for you, 960 00:47:32,167 --> 00:47:35,500 speak the truth to you, come alongside of you, help you, 961 00:47:35,583 --> 00:47:38,000 care for you. 962 00:47:38,083 --> 00:47:40,583 And I'll tell you this, your leaders in this church 963 00:47:40,667 --> 00:47:42,417 are not in it for the money. 964 00:47:42,500 --> 00:47:43,833 They really do love you. 965 00:47:43,875 --> 00:47:47,500 It's not just a religious shell game, it's just not. 966 00:47:47,583 --> 00:47:49,875 We really want the best for you. 967 00:47:49,958 --> 00:47:53,125 We really do care for you and your marriage and your family 968 00:47:53,167 --> 00:47:55,333 and your lineage and your legacy. 969 00:47:55,375 --> 00:47:57,583 We really do. 970 00:47:57,667 --> 00:47:59,375 And I'm not saying we're perfect 971 00:47:59,458 --> 00:48:01,625 and I'm not saying we never make a mistake. 972 00:48:01,667 --> 00:48:04,000 And if we do or you think we're wrong, 973 00:48:04,083 --> 00:48:07,792 tell us because the truth is, if we can do better, 974 00:48:07,833 --> 00:48:11,333 by the grace of God, we want to do better. 975 00:48:11,375 --> 00:48:14,625 So that is our responsibility that we have stand before God 976 00:48:14,667 --> 00:48:17,208 and give an account for the people in this church, 977 00:48:17,292 --> 00:48:19,708 for the systems, policies, procedures, group, doctrine, 978 00:48:19,792 --> 00:48:21,500 curriculum, and council. 979 00:48:21,583 --> 00:48:23,708 It's a massive weight of responsibility. 980 00:48:23,792 --> 00:48:27,625 To be honest with you, sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming 981 00:48:27,667 --> 00:48:29,833 to me if I'm quite honest. 982 00:48:29,875 --> 00:48:31,833 Ten thousand people? 983 00:48:31,875 --> 00:48:33,833 Give an account for? 984 00:48:33,875 --> 00:48:35,792 That's a massive responsibility. 985 00:48:35,833 --> 00:48:37,667 So pray for us. 986 00:48:37,750 --> 00:48:41,625 And he says part of your duty is to be respectful, to listen, 987 00:48:41,667 --> 00:48:43,833 to not always bristle. 988 00:48:43,875 --> 00:48:45,917 Just 'cause you don't like what you're hearing 989 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,375 doesn't mean it's not true. 990 00:48:47,458 --> 00:48:49,917 Give it a while, pray about it, read your Bible. 991 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:54,000 Consider it, ask the Holy Spirit to help you see the truth. 992 00:48:54,083 --> 00:48:57,292 Otherwise, the work is not a joy, it's a burden. 993 00:48:57,333 --> 00:48:59,833 It becomes groaning and moaning and sleepless nights and 994 00:48:59,875 --> 00:49:04,583 heartache and ulcers and stress and conflict and division, 995 00:49:04,667 --> 00:49:07,708 and sometimes, tragically, a church split. 996 00:49:07,792 --> 00:49:11,125 That's not what God wants. 997 00:49:11,167 --> 00:49:14,792 God wants us to love you well and you to listen 998 00:49:14,833 --> 00:49:17,125 so that we might help you. 999 00:49:17,167 --> 00:49:21,625 And some of you don't like words like authority and submit. 1000 00:49:21,667 --> 00:49:26,833 Carefully, prayerfully pick a church, and when you do, 1001 00:49:26,875 --> 00:49:29,500 respect the authority, submit to its leadership. 1002 00:49:29,583 --> 00:49:32,375 If that's Mars Hill, we welcome you. 1003 00:49:32,458 --> 00:49:35,708 If not, we want you just to be under authority 1004 00:49:35,792 --> 00:49:38,500 and in community with God's people. 1005 00:49:38,583 --> 00:49:41,208 That's what we want for you. 1006 00:49:41,292 --> 00:49:44,208 Additionally, another question that is often raised, 1007 00:49:44,292 --> 00:49:47,208 what will the elders do or the pastors do if my Christian 1008 00:49:47,292 --> 00:49:49,417 spouse insists on divorcing me without grounds? 1009 00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:52,208 They moved out, they met somebody else, they gave up, 1010 00:49:52,292 --> 00:49:54,708 they hit the eject button, they called the attorney, 1011 00:49:54,792 --> 00:49:59,375 they “fell in love” with somebody else, which is always not true. 1012 00:50:02,292 --> 00:50:06,208 You don't fall in love with--you don't fall into adultery. 1013 00:50:06,292 --> 00:50:11,375 You, with your eyes wide open, walk into adultery. 1014 00:50:13,375 --> 00:50:15,500 Well, here's what we do. 1015 00:50:15,542 --> 00:50:18,333 We're going to pursue them, we're going to call them to 1016 00:50:18,375 --> 00:50:23,125 repentance, we're going to beg them to not have a hard heart, 1017 00:50:23,167 --> 00:50:25,625 we're going to ask them to submit to authority, 1018 00:50:25,667 --> 00:50:28,208 we're going to ask them to come in for counseling, 1019 00:50:28,292 --> 00:50:29,667 get whatever help they need. 1020 00:50:29,750 --> 00:50:32,833 We're going to invest a lot of hours and energy to try 1021 00:50:32,875 --> 00:50:34,583 and bring them to repentance. 1022 00:50:34,667 --> 00:50:36,208 And if they've committed adultery, 1023 00:50:36,292 --> 00:50:38,667 it is not required necessarily that you would bring them 1024 00:50:38,750 --> 00:50:40,333 back into the covenant of marriage, 1025 00:50:40,375 --> 00:50:43,833 but we're going to do all we can to bring them back to Jesus 1026 00:50:43,875 --> 00:50:46,167 and then you can decide where your heart is 1027 00:50:46,250 --> 00:50:48,167 and what your future is. 1028 00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:51,000 This has included in the history of Mars Hill various pastors 1029 00:50:51,083 --> 00:50:54,667 getting on airplanes and going to other states to go knock on 1030 00:50:54,750 --> 00:50:58,583 doors of people who have moved out of their family's home to go 1031 00:50:58,667 --> 00:51:01,625 live with someone else that they're not married to. 1032 00:51:01,667 --> 00:51:03,917 We'll get on a plane and go find 'em. 1033 00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:07,875 And with 10,000 people, imagine how complicated this gets. 1034 00:51:07,958 --> 00:51:10,500 But that's our commitment to you. 1035 00:51:10,583 --> 00:51:14,000 We can't make someone repent, but we can do all we can, 1036 00:51:14,042 --> 00:51:17,792 including church discipline, which is not to destroy them, 1037 00:51:17,833 --> 00:51:21,375 but just to help them see that what they are doing is 1038 00:51:21,458 --> 00:51:24,000 rebellious, foolish, and deadly. 1039 00:51:24,042 --> 00:51:26,625 We're going to try our best. 1040 00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:28,792 So pray for your leaders. 1041 00:51:28,833 --> 00:51:32,125 Now, this often raises another question in regards to women. 1042 00:51:32,167 --> 00:51:35,500 Must people endure abusive relationships? 1043 00:51:35,542 --> 00:51:38,208 "You're saying Pastor Mark, that no one can get a divorce?" 1044 00:51:38,292 --> 00:51:39,625 That's not what I'm saying. 1045 00:51:39,667 --> 00:51:42,000 I'm saying a lot of people get a divorce 1046 00:51:42,042 --> 00:51:43,500 without biblical grounds and due process. 1047 00:51:43,583 --> 00:51:45,917 I'm saying that some churches are too lenient and loose, 1048 00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:47,917 and because they're in it for the money, 1049 00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:50,167 sometimes they're just lazy and don't want to be involved 1050 00:51:50,250 --> 00:51:52,000 in the hard stuff of people's lives. 1051 00:51:52,083 --> 00:51:56,500 They just hand out divorces like Vegas hands out marriages. 1052 00:51:56,583 --> 00:51:59,167 And that's not good. 1053 00:51:59,250 --> 00:52:02,083 But I am saying that some people do have biblical grounds 1054 00:52:02,167 --> 00:52:05,917 for divorce and under no circumstances is our earnest 1055 00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:09,917 desire to try and see as many marriages saved and spared 1056 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:14,292 as possible the sanctioning of any abuse. 1057 00:52:14,333 --> 00:52:17,417 Grace and I have got a whole section in the book we finished 1058 00:52:17,500 --> 00:52:20,208 on marriage about abuse in marriage 1059 00:52:20,292 --> 00:52:22,333 and I'll pull out a few details. 1060 00:52:22,375 --> 00:52:26,167 Sexual assault in marriage happens 10%-14% of the time. 1061 00:52:26,250 --> 00:52:31,208 So between 10%-14% of marriages have just sexual abuse. 1062 00:52:31,292 --> 00:52:34,208 In addition, there's physical abuse, emotional abuse, 1063 00:52:34,292 --> 00:52:37,125 spiritual abuse, mental abuse. 1064 00:52:37,167 --> 00:52:42,000 People can be incessantly, incredibly cruel to one another. 1065 00:52:42,083 --> 00:52:46,667 And it's tragic and it grieves the heart of God. 1066 00:52:46,750 --> 00:52:49,625 Now, when there is abuse of any sort or kind, 1067 00:52:49,667 --> 00:52:56,375 95% of the time it is the wife who is abused, 95% of the time. 1068 00:52:56,458 --> 00:53:01,833 And curiously, in my research, the first place that enacted 1069 00:53:01,875 --> 00:53:07,000 laws forbidding a husband from abusing his wife was among 1070 00:53:07,083 --> 00:53:09,792 the Christian Puritans in Massachusetts 1071 00:53:09,833 --> 00:53:12,333 between 1640 and 1680. 1072 00:53:12,375 --> 00:53:14,333 Based upon their biblical convictions, 1073 00:53:14,375 --> 00:53:17,000 they enacted laws saying, "Husbands are not allowed to 1074 00:53:17,083 --> 00:53:19,833 "mistreat their wives, and if you see it among your neighbors, 1075 00:53:19,875 --> 00:53:22,708 "you have a Christian duty to get involved 1076 00:53:22,792 --> 00:53:25,125 and to protect that woman." 1077 00:53:25,167 --> 00:53:28,292 We believe that, based on many verses of the Bible, 1078 00:53:28,333 --> 00:53:30,208 particularly these two. 1079 00:53:30,292 --> 00:53:33,333 1 Peter 3:7, "Husbands, live with your wives in 1080 00:53:33,375 --> 00:53:35,708 "an understanding way, showing honor to the woman 1081 00:53:35,792 --> 00:53:37,792 as the weaker vessel." 1082 00:53:37,833 --> 00:53:40,625 Weaker here is not to regard her less. 1083 00:53:40,667 --> 00:53:45,708 He is like a thermos, she's like a crystal goblet, right? 1084 00:53:45,792 --> 00:53:48,667 You can drop him on the floor, he's going to make it. 1085 00:53:48,750 --> 00:53:53,083 You drop her on the floor, different result. 1086 00:53:53,167 --> 00:53:54,625 Women are different than men. 1087 00:53:54,667 --> 00:53:56,708 Men tend to be physically tougher. 1088 00:53:56,792 --> 00:53:59,875 You can bully, intimidate, harm your wife, 1089 00:53:59,958 --> 00:54:02,708 and the Bible says, "No. 1090 00:54:02,792 --> 00:54:05,917 "Be considerate. Be understanding. 1091 00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:09,167 Be loving. Be gentle." 1092 00:54:09,250 --> 00:54:12,792 That's absolutely the opposite of abuse. 1093 00:54:12,833 --> 00:54:17,208 Furthermore, Ephesians 5:25 says clearly and emphatically, 1094 00:54:17,292 --> 00:54:20,000 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church," 1095 00:54:20,042 --> 00:54:24,583 that marriage is ultimately a picture of the gospel, 1096 00:54:24,667 --> 00:54:28,500 that Jesus is like a groom and the church is like a bride. 1097 00:54:28,542 --> 00:54:33,875 And the church respects Jesus and Jesus loves, serves, 1098 00:54:33,958 --> 00:54:39,375 cares for, pursues, adores, and blesses the church. 1099 00:54:39,458 --> 00:54:42,500 And so to be a Christian husband who is consistent with Christian 1100 00:54:42,583 --> 00:54:46,667 conviction is to love your wife like Jesus loves the church. 1101 00:54:46,750 --> 00:54:50,000 Jesus is not harsh, mean, boorish. 1102 00:54:50,083 --> 00:54:54,583 Jesus is altogether, only, always loving, gracious, 1103 00:54:54,667 --> 00:54:56,917 merciful, and good to the church. 1104 00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:01,917 And any man who would profess Christian faith and harm 1105 00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:08,000 his own wife is a heretic in his lifestyle. 1106 00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:10,833 His hands are preaching a different theology, 1107 00:55:10,875 --> 00:55:13,708 his mouth is preaching a different theology than the one 1108 00:55:13,792 --> 00:55:17,375 that he would say that he holds. 1109 00:55:17,458 --> 00:55:20,667 So in no way are we saying that a wife-- 1110 00:55:20,750 --> 00:55:24,917 and that is most often the case-- that the wife should endure 1111 00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:27,917 any abuse at all. 1112 00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:31,708 And the way that we get abusive situations in churches is when 1113 00:55:31,792 --> 00:55:36,000 we command the women to obey the Bible, but not the men. 1114 00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:39,708 The only way to not have abuse in a marriage is to call the men 1115 00:55:39,792 --> 00:55:43,375 and the women to obey the whole Bible. 1116 00:55:43,458 --> 00:55:46,208 If you only call one gender, then you are setting up 1117 00:55:46,292 --> 00:55:49,625 a situation of abuse for the other. 1118 00:55:49,667 --> 00:55:52,625 If you're a woman in that Condition, you need to tell 1119 00:55:52,667 --> 00:55:55,083 a pastor, you may need to tell the police. 1120 00:55:55,167 --> 00:55:57,500 You may need to get a restraining order. 1121 00:55:57,583 --> 00:56:00,583 He needs to get serious help. 1122 00:56:00,667 --> 00:56:03,708 He may never change, and if he does, 1123 00:56:03,792 --> 00:56:08,208 maybe someday there's the possibility of reconciliation, 1124 00:56:08,292 --> 00:56:11,208 but there is no way we would encourage a woman to be 1125 00:56:11,292 --> 00:56:15,708 in a dangerous position. That violence tends to only escalate, 1126 00:56:15,792 --> 00:56:18,833 it extends to the children, and can result in the murder 1127 00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:20,208 of the wife. 1128 00:56:20,292 --> 00:56:22,208 Of course that is not what we want. 1129 00:56:22,292 --> 00:56:24,917 We want to see marriages last, 1130 00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:29,750 but not marriages last with abuse. 1131 00:56:32,333 --> 00:56:36,375 What about remarriage after a divorce? 1132 00:56:36,458 --> 00:56:40,208 The victim of adultery, not the adulterer, may remarry. 1133 00:56:40,292 --> 00:56:43,208 If you cheat on your spouse and leave them for someone else, 1134 00:56:43,292 --> 00:56:45,708 you don't get a whole new marriage. 1135 00:56:45,792 --> 00:56:48,625 Now they may have grounds for remarriage and we tell them 1136 00:56:48,667 --> 00:56:50,917 to take their time, see what God does, 1137 00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:53,333 and not rush into a rebound relationship. 1138 00:56:53,375 --> 00:56:55,333 But they may have grounds for remarriage. 1139 00:56:55,375 --> 00:56:57,875 Back to our initial text as we've come full circle, 1140 00:56:57,958 --> 00:57:00,667 Luke 16:18, "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries 1141 00:57:00,750 --> 00:57:03,292 "another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced 1142 00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:06,000 from her husband commits adultery." 1143 00:57:06,083 --> 00:57:07,875 If you're going to destroy the marriage, 1144 00:57:07,958 --> 00:57:09,625 you don't get another one. 1145 00:57:09,667 --> 00:57:11,833 If you've destroyed the marriage, 1146 00:57:11,875 --> 00:57:14,417 they may get another one. 1147 00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:17,292 Additionally, if it is a believer and an unbeliever 1148 00:57:17,333 --> 00:57:19,000 and the unbeliever leaves, the believer 1149 00:57:19,042 --> 00:57:20,625 may have grounds to remarry. 1150 00:57:20,667 --> 00:57:22,375 And again, we'll investigate all of this. 1151 00:57:22,458 --> 00:57:25,000 1 Corinthians 7:15, "If the unbelieving partner separates, 1152 00:57:25,083 --> 00:57:26,417 "let it be so. 1153 00:57:26,500 --> 00:57:29,000 "In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. 1154 00:57:29,042 --> 00:57:32,833 God has called you to peace." 1155 00:57:32,875 --> 00:57:35,417 And lastly, if it was two unbelievers and they got 1156 00:57:35,500 --> 00:57:37,500 divorced and then one became a believer, 1157 00:57:37,583 --> 00:57:41,292 it is possible for them to remarry in the Lord 1158 00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:43,125 another believer. 1159 00:57:43,167 --> 00:57:45,833 So those are the conditions for potential remarriage. 1160 00:57:45,875 --> 00:57:49,167 But again, friends, this is not math, this is life. 1161 00:57:49,250 --> 00:57:52,167 We want to get to know you, look at all the variables, 1162 00:57:52,250 --> 00:57:56,417 be involved, walk with you, help figure this out. 1163 00:57:56,500 --> 00:57:59,625 Now, in closing, there's one final question that I want 1164 00:57:59,667 --> 00:58:02,917 to answer, and it is probably a question that many, 1165 00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:04,625 if not most of you, have. 1166 00:58:04,667 --> 00:58:07,417 In light of a culture of divorce and whether you're divorced 1167 00:58:07,500 --> 00:58:11,333 or single or still married, we all agree it's a real problem 1168 00:58:11,375 --> 00:58:13,375 and it hurts a lot of people. 1169 00:58:13,458 --> 00:58:16,208 We all agree on that. 1170 00:58:16,292 --> 00:58:20,708 The question is, how can we safeguard our marriages? 1171 00:58:20,792 --> 00:58:24,417 See, every year at Mars Hill, hundreds of people get married. 1172 00:58:24,500 --> 00:58:26,917 How do we safeguard our marriages? 1173 00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:30,208 How many of you have heard that there is no statistical 1174 00:58:30,292 --> 00:58:32,917 difference between Christians and non-Christians when it 1175 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:36,292 comes to such things as adultery and divorce? 1176 00:58:36,333 --> 00:58:38,125 Have you heard that? 1177 00:58:38,167 --> 00:58:40,875 It's almost now an urban legend and here's the good news. 1178 00:58:40,958 --> 00:58:42,958 It's not true. 1179 00:58:43,583 --> 00:58:45,500 It's not true. 1180 00:58:45,583 --> 00:58:47,500 Some of you have been discouraged. 1181 00:58:47,542 --> 00:58:50,708 You say, "Well, statistically, if I'm a Christian and they're 1182 00:58:50,792 --> 00:58:53,333 "a Christian and we do everything that God wants 1183 00:58:53,375 --> 00:58:57,167 and we're going to get divorced anyways, where's the hope?" 1184 00:58:57,250 --> 00:58:59,958 And it becomes very discouraging. 1185 00:59:00,083 --> 00:59:03,875 And so I did some research on this for the book that Gracie 1186 00:59:03,958 --> 00:59:07,375 and I just finished and I found that it came from a study from 1187 00:59:07,458 --> 00:59:10,375 a guy named George Barna, who is a Christian that does some 1188 00:59:10,458 --> 00:59:12,375 good research, but it's a flawed study. 1189 00:59:12,458 --> 00:59:13,833 It just is. 1190 00:59:13,875 --> 00:59:16,500 Because he asked people, "Are you a Christian?" 1191 00:59:16,583 --> 00:59:19,333 But that's not enough to know whether or not they are. 1192 00:59:19,375 --> 00:59:21,708 You ask that question in some place like Alabama, 1193 00:59:21,792 --> 00:59:24,625 everybody's going to say, "Yes, I belong to Jesus," 1194 00:59:24,667 --> 00:59:27,792 even if they don't. 1195 00:59:27,833 --> 00:59:30,000 So it's not just profession of faith, 1196 00:59:30,042 --> 00:59:33,833 it's possession and practice of faith that matter. 1197 00:59:33,875 --> 00:59:37,333 Jesus says elsewhere, "Many will come to me and say, 'Lord, Lord, 1198 00:59:37,375 --> 00:59:40,000 we belong to you,' and he will say, 'Depart from me, 1199 00:59:40,083 --> 00:59:41,833 I never knew you.'" 1200 00:59:41,875 --> 00:59:47,375 You can profess faith that you do not possess or practice. 1201 00:59:47,458 --> 00:59:51,208 That was the case with those who were arguing with Jesus. 1202 00:59:51,292 --> 00:59:55,208 They professed faith, but they did not possess saving faith and 1203 00:59:55,292 --> 00:59:58,125 they were not practicing saving faith and it showed up in 1204 00:59:58,167 --> 01:00:02,583 the fact that they loved money and were leaving their wives. 1205 01:00:02,667 --> 01:00:06,375 And he says, "You're not acting like you know God. 1206 01:00:06,458 --> 01:00:11,625 You profess something that you do not possess or practice." 1207 01:00:11,667 --> 01:00:15,083 And so we did a bit of research and I think the best sociologist 1208 01:00:15,167 --> 01:00:19,083 in this area is a man named Bradford Wilcox. 1209 01:00:19,167 --> 01:00:21,333 He's at the University of Virginia. 1210 01:00:21,375 --> 01:00:25,208 He did a massive study, the largest of its kind. 1211 01:00:25,292 --> 01:00:27,625 And he published a book on his findings called 1212 01:00:27,667 --> 01:00:30,500 "Soft Patriarchs, New Men." 1213 01:00:30,583 --> 01:00:34,583 And he says that for those who are Christian, 1214 01:00:34,667 --> 01:00:39,000 there are three variables that do not necessarily guarantee 1215 01:00:39,083 --> 01:00:44,792 marital success, but drop the divorce rate in half. 1216 01:00:44,833 --> 01:00:47,667 So we need to know what they are. 1217 01:00:47,750 --> 01:00:53,917 Number one, regular, joint church attendance. 1218 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:57,875 Husband and wife going to, part of, 1219 01:00:57,958 --> 01:01:02,000 involved in community with the same church. 1220 01:01:02,042 --> 01:01:05,000 The same church. 1221 01:01:05,083 --> 01:01:08,125 This allows you to be under teaching, under authority, 1222 01:01:08,167 --> 01:01:10,583 in community, getting accountability, 1223 01:01:10,667 --> 01:01:13,500 positive examples, negative examples, 1224 01:01:13,542 --> 01:01:15,833 encouragement for being obedient, 1225 01:01:15,875 --> 01:01:20,500 and discouragement for becoming disobedient. 1226 01:01:20,583 --> 01:01:22,125 Go to church together. 1227 01:01:22,167 --> 01:01:24,833 And don't just go to church together, be in community, 1228 01:01:24,875 --> 01:01:27,375 get in a community group, get in a redemption group. 1229 01:01:27,458 --> 01:01:30,000 Even if you are married and you didn't get premarital, 1230 01:01:30,042 --> 01:01:32,125 go to the premarital class. 1231 01:01:32,167 --> 01:01:34,000 You need to learn too. 1232 01:01:34,042 --> 01:01:38,333 Number two, shared theology. 1233 01:01:38,375 --> 01:01:42,500 You agree on Jesus and the Bible and marriage and roles. 1234 01:01:42,583 --> 01:01:44,833 Gracie and I, again, we celebrate 1235 01:01:44,875 --> 01:01:47,000 23 years together this week. 1236 01:01:47,083 --> 01:01:50,000 Some years ago, we took a study looking at kind of what 1237 01:01:50,083 --> 01:01:52,667 we have in common and the study basically said you have 1238 01:01:52,750 --> 01:01:54,083 nothing in common. 1239 01:01:54,167 --> 01:01:55,500 And we knew that. 1240 01:01:55,542 --> 01:01:58,000 And this just sort of confirmed what we already assumed. 1241 01:01:58,042 --> 01:02:00,875 I like cage fighting, she likes ice skating. 1242 01:02:00,958 --> 01:02:04,000 I like indie rock, she likes hip-hop, right. 1243 01:02:04,083 --> 01:02:07,208 I mean, I like big potato chips, she likes the crumbs 1244 01:02:07,292 --> 01:02:08,833 at the bottom of the bag. 1245 01:02:08,875 --> 01:02:11,083 We have nothing--I'm a boy, she's a girl. 1246 01:02:11,167 --> 01:02:12,500 We're different, right? 1247 01:02:12,583 --> 01:02:15,083 We're just different. 1248 01:02:15,167 --> 01:02:18,000 And what the test revealed was we only have one thing that 1249 01:02:18,083 --> 01:02:21,833 we're really sharing in common, that's theological conviction. 1250 01:02:21,875 --> 01:02:24,917 We basically scored 100% on that. 1251 01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:28,833 And I'm glad, because if I had to base my marriage on something, 1252 01:02:28,875 --> 01:02:33,000 I hope it would be more than we both like to rock climb, right? 1253 01:02:33,083 --> 01:02:37,000 'Cause I don't know if that's going to do 50 years, right? 1254 01:02:37,042 --> 01:02:38,833 Joint biblical conviction. 1255 01:02:38,875 --> 01:02:42,333 We both say this is God's Word, Jesus is God's Son, 1256 01:02:42,375 --> 01:02:46,583 the law of God exposes our sin, we need the grace of Christ, 1257 01:02:46,667 --> 01:02:49,125 we need the humility of the Holy Spirit, 1258 01:02:49,167 --> 01:02:51,167 we need to repent to one another, 1259 01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:54,333 we need to forgive one another, we need to obey the Bible 1260 01:02:54,375 --> 01:02:57,292 because Jesus is Lord and I'm not. 1261 01:02:57,333 --> 01:03:00,917 If we agree on those things, you can build a marriage. 1262 01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:03,333 The rest is all details. 1263 01:03:03,375 --> 01:03:05,208 Number three--so it's participation 1264 01:03:05,292 --> 01:03:07,708 in church community, theological agreement. 1265 01:03:07,792 --> 01:03:11,625 Number three, bring your faith home. 1266 01:03:11,667 --> 01:03:14,667 Do you read the Bible together at home? 1267 01:03:14,750 --> 01:03:16,167 Do you read Christian books together? 1268 01:03:16,250 --> 01:03:17,917 Are you in a community group together? 1269 01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:19,792 Do you pray together? 1270 01:03:19,833 --> 01:03:25,917 If so, your odds of divorce go down by 50% because the couple 1271 01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:29,333 that prays together stays together. 1272 01:03:29,375 --> 01:03:32,125 Grace and I make it a habit every night, 1273 01:03:32,167 --> 01:03:35,917 snuggle up with her and I pray for her, I pray over her, 1274 01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:39,083 I pray with her. 1275 01:03:39,167 --> 01:03:41,708 Couples who take their faith home, 1276 01:03:41,792 --> 01:03:46,708 they tend not only to not get divorced, 70% report being, 1277 01:03:46,792 --> 01:03:51,500 quote unquote, “very happy in their marriage.” 1278 01:03:51,542 --> 01:03:54,125 So here's the good news. 1279 01:03:54,167 --> 01:03:56,875 God's way still works. 1280 01:03:57,792 --> 01:04:00,208 God's way still works. 1281 01:04:00,292 --> 01:04:03,792 And if you're one of those couples who are here, 1282 01:04:03,833 --> 01:04:08,500 you really need to be in community with God's people, 1283 01:04:08,542 --> 01:04:12,833 you need to be under the authority of God's Word. 1284 01:04:12,875 --> 01:04:15,833 And this can't be something that just happens for a few hours 1285 01:04:15,875 --> 01:04:17,333 a week on Sunday. 1286 01:04:17,375 --> 01:04:19,833 It needs to be a lifestyle practiced in your home 1287 01:04:19,875 --> 01:04:21,500 between you and your spouse. 1288 01:04:21,583 --> 01:04:25,000 And if you will do those things, it's not a guarantee, 1289 01:04:25,083 --> 01:04:29,708 but statistically your rate of divorce goes down by 50% 1290 01:04:29,792 --> 01:04:34,583 and your rate of joy goes up by the grace of God. 1291 01:04:34,667 --> 01:04:36,708 For those of you that are not Christian, 1292 01:04:36,792 --> 01:04:39,167 before that relationship, it's your relationship with Jesus. 1293 01:04:39,250 --> 01:04:42,833 You need to come to Jesus and be a Christian. 1294 01:04:42,875 --> 01:04:45,667 Jesus used the analogy it's like gates opening up and people 1295 01:04:45,750 --> 01:04:49,167 storming in because the kingdom of God has been opened up. 1296 01:04:49,250 --> 01:04:52,167 He told us that earlier in Luke 16. 1297 01:04:52,250 --> 01:04:54,708 Our sin has kept us separated from God, 1298 01:04:54,792 --> 01:04:58,125 and Jesus died and rose to open the gates and we're all supposed 1299 01:04:58,167 --> 01:05:02,583 to, by faith, pass through if we want to experience that life 1300 01:05:02,667 --> 01:05:05,833 with God that never ends. 1301 01:05:05,875 --> 01:05:07,625 I'm going to pray for you, friends. 1302 01:05:07,667 --> 01:05:10,000 I hope you hear my heart in this. 1303 01:05:10,042 --> 01:05:12,417 We desperately love you. 1304 01:05:12,500 --> 01:05:15,292 We want good for you. 1305 01:05:15,333 --> 01:05:17,917 We don't want you to be divorced. 1306 01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:22,375 Tragically, sometimes there are cases that require that. 1307 01:05:22,458 --> 01:05:26,000 But let us help you do all that we can to see as few 1308 01:05:26,083 --> 01:05:29,833 as we can meet that fate. 1309 01:05:29,875 --> 01:05:33,583 Father God, I pray for those for whom this is a hard word, God, 1310 01:05:33,667 --> 01:05:37,333 those who are paralyzed with fear and struggling to even 1311 01:05:37,375 --> 01:05:40,500 consider marriage because they lived through the divorce 1312 01:05:40,583 --> 01:05:44,417 of their parents and it has marked them. 1313 01:05:44,500 --> 01:05:48,208 God, I pray for those who right now are facing divorce, 1314 01:05:48,292 --> 01:05:51,375 their marriage is in crisis, or it is at least headed 1315 01:05:51,458 --> 01:05:53,833 toward destruction. 1316 01:05:53,875 --> 01:05:56,208 May it please be averted, Father. 1317 01:05:56,292 --> 01:05:58,667 For those, Lord God, who are here, 1318 01:05:58,750 --> 01:06:02,000 they've already been divorced, their marriage has already fallen 1319 01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:05,500 apart, like some that shed tears when we've prayed 1320 01:06:05,583 --> 01:06:08,083 for them already today. 1321 01:06:08,167 --> 01:06:11,000 God, I pray for those people, that they would know that when 1322 01:06:11,083 --> 01:06:13,875 Jesus died, he died for all sin, even sins that they 1323 01:06:13,958 --> 01:06:15,792 have committed, not to excuse their sin, 1324 01:06:15,833 --> 01:06:18,708 but to release them from condemnation. 1325 01:06:18,792 --> 01:06:21,208 God, for those who have been cheated on, 1326 01:06:21,292 --> 01:06:22,708 for those who have been betrayed, 1327 01:06:22,792 --> 01:06:25,500 for those who have been abused, for those who have been 1328 01:06:25,583 --> 01:06:30,208 abandoned, God, those wounds go deep and I’m just mindful 1329 01:06:30,292 --> 01:06:33,500 of the faces of the people that I love and that you love 1330 01:06:33,583 --> 01:06:35,208 who have faced that pain. 1331 01:06:35,292 --> 01:06:38,208 God, I pray we would be a loving community of truthful, helpful, 1332 01:06:38,292 --> 01:06:43,708 biblical, prayerful, careful, sincere help and support. 1333 01:06:43,792 --> 01:06:47,583 God, I do pray for the children growing up in Mars Hill, 1334 01:06:47,667 --> 01:06:53,000 the 1,500 children ages 10 and under who will be with us today, 1335 01:06:53,083 --> 01:06:56,917 that they would have a mom and dad who love Jesus 1336 01:06:57,000 --> 01:07:01,125 and finish well on the last day together, 1337 01:07:01,167 --> 01:07:04,417 holding hands, worshiping him. 1338 01:07:04,500 --> 01:07:07,333 We ask for that, amen.