1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,500 2 00:00:01,583 --> 00:00:11,500 [music] 3 00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:22,000 Father God, I ask that 4 00:00:22,042 --> 00:00:26,458 I'd be able to teach well today. 5 00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:36,708 And, God, I hope that you would help Mars Hill 6 00:00:36,792 --> 00:00:43,375 to be a place where hurting people are served. 7 00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:47,333 And I pray, Lord God, 8 00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:52,333 for those who will hear this sermon, 9 00:00:52,375 --> 00:00:56,833 some helping them along a journey toward healing, 10 00:00:56,875 --> 00:01:00,958 and those who will start a journey of healing, 11 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,958 but with the first steps being incredibly painful. 12 00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:13,583 God, I thank you for my wife's bravery in writing 13 00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:16,958 the seventh chapter of the "Real Marriage" book, 14 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,875 and I thank you that I have the great honor of teaching 15 00:01:20,958 --> 00:01:25,583 that content today, and I thank you, Lord, 16 00:01:25,667 --> 00:01:29,958 that she is a great gift that you've given to me. 17 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,333 And so, God I pray that this time 18 00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:36,292 would be focused on helping others 19 00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:39,667 and that you would allow me to finish this sermon. 20 00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:43,833 Amen. 21 00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:49,500 This is the one sermon I never wanted to preach. 22 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:59,208 Grace and I were sitting on a couch. 23 00:01:59,292 --> 00:02:03,583 It was late one night, just hanging out, 24 00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:08,750 and we--just visiting, 25 00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:12,000 nothing particularly deep. 26 00:02:12,042 --> 00:02:15,667 And I started asking her a few questions about some issues 27 00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:18,792 in her past and experiences that she'd had, 28 00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:21,583 and she just answered them matter-of-factly, 29 00:02:21,667 --> 00:02:26,000 just very casually, very unemotionally, 30 00:02:26,042 --> 00:02:30,375 and I just started bawling. 31 00:02:30,458 --> 00:02:32,375 And she was taken aback. 32 00:02:32,458 --> 00:02:34,833 She couldn't understand why I was emotional. 33 00:02:34,917 --> 00:02:37,583 I don't get emotional very often. 34 00:02:37,667 --> 00:02:41,000 Almost always, if I do, it's because women and children 35 00:02:41,042 --> 00:02:43,417 are in danger. 36 00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:47,333 And she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry." 37 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:49,000 I said, "No, don't be sorry. 38 00:02:49,042 --> 00:02:50,625 "You didn't do anything wrong. 39 00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:53,500 "You didn't say anything wrong, 40 00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:56,583 but you're a sexual assault victim." 41 00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:58,000 And she's like, "What me? 42 00:02:58,042 --> 00:02:59,583 What are you talking about?" 43 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,000 I said, "Yeah, what you just explained was 44 00:03:02,042 --> 00:03:03,875 textbook sexual assault." 45 00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:07,083 And all of a sudden, everything in our marriage and relationship 46 00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:08,667 made sense. 47 00:03:08,708 --> 00:03:12,000 We had been married, at that point, for-- 48 00:03:12,042 --> 00:03:13,583 gosh, it was 6 years ago. 49 00:03:13,667 --> 00:03:16,375 This year, we'll celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. 50 00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:20,750 So, we were married at that point, maybe 13-14 years. 51 00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,167 And we dated for 4 1/2 years before we married, 52 00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:25,292 so we'd been together 17 or 18 years. 53 00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:27,750 I mean, I'd known Grace since high school, 54 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:31,292 and we were good friends. 55 00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:33,375 And now I knew her. 56 00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:35,667 I knew everything. 57 00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:38,083 And she hadn't concealed anything, 58 00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:41,583 so she wasn't ever dishonest with me. 59 00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:44,083 She just never saw it for what it was. 60 00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:46,833 And I think that's pretty common with victims not only of 61 00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:49,375 sexual assault, but of other kinds of assault, as well, 62 00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:52,708 that sometimes you tend to be more clear perspective seeing 63 00:03:52,792 --> 00:03:55,417 someone else's life, but you interpret the data 64 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,417 in your own life differently. 65 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,500 And sometimes there'll be repressed memory, 66 00:03:59,583 --> 00:04:01,375 where you don't remember certain things, 67 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:04,750 and then something will trigger it, or disassociation, 68 00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:08,042 which is a clinical term, where somebody who's being assaulted 69 00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:10,667 in some particular way, they'll disassociate. 70 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:14,458 They'll sort of mentally check out, just as a coping mechanism. 71 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,542 And sometimes people are just not emotionally ready 72 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:22,083 to remember and deal with certain trauma or trouble. 73 00:04:22,167 --> 00:04:26,542 And I believe that God doesn't give us more than we can bear, 74 00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:30,042 and for those who come to understand some things 75 00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:32,000 that have been done to them, 76 00:04:32,042 --> 00:04:34,292 sometimes it is because they're finally 77 00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:38,542 at a place in their maturity in Christ that they could, 78 00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:40,458 they could handle it. 79 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,042 And so, in some regards, I guess it's an encouragement, 80 00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:45,292 meaning we're finally ready to deal with this. 81 00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:47,417 Well, it was one of those moments, 82 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:51,833 where I knew what had happened to my wife, 83 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:57,000 and . . . 84 00:04:57,083 --> 00:05:00,833 and it was devastating. 85 00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:05,667 And--because for me, I'm like a lot of you men, 86 00:05:05,708 --> 00:05:07,667 I'm a defender, protector. 87 00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:11,375 Like, the safety of my wife and kids is the highest priority, 88 00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:17,875 and to realize that I wasn't there until 17--and some things 89 00:05:17,958 --> 00:05:21,583 happened to her before 17, before I'd met her-- 90 00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:25,583 it really bothered me that I wasn't there to protect her. 91 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:27,458 It still does. 92 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:32,375 And so we started reading, and talking, and praying, 93 00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:36,333 and trying to figure out, "What do we do now?" 94 00:05:36,417 --> 00:05:40,667 I had Grace start journaling out all of the related experiences 95 00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:44,667 in her life, because she'd never really thought about it. 96 00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:47,833 She'd have a thought here or a grief moment there, 97 00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:50,500 but the business of life would just sort of compel her 98 00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:51,917 to proceed forward. 99 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,667 So, I said, "Honey, I really need you to take 100 00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:56,083 a couple of days." 101 00:05:56,167 --> 00:05:58,292 And I put her in a safe, quiet hotel 102 00:05:58,333 --> 00:05:59,833 and stayed in contact with her, 103 00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:03,083 but I took care of the kids and took care of the house 104 00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:05,292 and said, "Honey, I just need you to focus 105 00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:08,292 "and journal this out, and think this out, and pray this out, 106 00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:11,000 so we get an idea of what exactly we're dealing with." 107 00:06:11,042 --> 00:06:13,333 Because she'd never really given herself time to process 108 00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:14,750 and to grieve. 109 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:19,333 And then we started studying and looking for ways to work out 110 00:06:19,417 --> 00:06:22,083 what had happened to her. 111 00:06:22,167 --> 00:06:25,667 And we met a couple of times with a biblical counselor. 112 00:06:25,708 --> 00:06:28,000 "Okay, what do we need to do, not do? 113 00:06:28,042 --> 00:06:31,000 "What's a good course of action for us, so I can love, 114 00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,333 and serve, and help my wife?" 115 00:06:33,417 --> 00:06:37,500 And in the grace of God, some years later-- 116 00:06:37,542 --> 00:06:39,167 I mean, our friendship is great. 117 00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:42,500 Our marriage is really fantastic. 118 00:06:42,542 --> 00:06:46,625 It kind of was a revealing moment at Christmas, 119 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:49,417 when, with the kids, we were all in a circle, 120 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,625 and we were talking and praying, and I asked each of the kids, 121 00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:54,917 "What are you most thankful for?" 122 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,500 And my oldest daughter, she smiled and she said, 123 00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:01,958 "I'm thankful that you and Mom are never going to get divorced, 124 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,583 because you're best friends." 125 00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:09,792 And that's where we're at. 126 00:07:09,833 --> 00:07:12,167 That being said, when it came time to write 127 00:07:12,208 --> 00:07:15,000 the "Real Marriage" book, she really wanted to help people, 128 00:07:15,708 --> 00:07:19,667 and she really loves people, and she's very brave, 129 00:07:19,708 --> 00:07:25,500 and she wanted to basically say, "If I'm honest, 130 00:07:25,542 --> 00:07:27,292 "then other people can be honest, 131 00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,458 "and if this has happened to other people, 132 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,292 I want to help them and encourage them to get help." 133 00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:35,667 And so her motives are very good and very, very pure, 134 00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:39,875 and I really appreciate her courage. 135 00:07:39,958 --> 00:07:43,667 So, the subject matter for this sermon is going to be 136 00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:46,375 the content that she wrote, 137 00:07:46,458 --> 00:07:49,250 and I'll start by doing something 138 00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:54,792 that I think is important, and that is defining sexual assault. 139 00:07:54,833 --> 00:07:57,542 It comes from this book, "Rid of My Disgrace" 140 00:07:57,625 --> 00:07:59,958 by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb. 141 00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:01,833 He's a pastor here at Mars Hill 142 00:08:01,917 --> 00:08:03,708 and runs Resurgence for us. 143 00:08:03,792 --> 00:08:06,250 His wife, Lindsey, is also a leader in the church. 144 00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:10,667 She's a deacon, and she was a rape crisis clinic case manager, 145 00:08:10,708 --> 00:08:14,833 and he taught women's studies at the University of Virginia 146 00:08:14,917 --> 00:08:18,500 and is a specialist in sexual assault and domestic violence. 147 00:08:18,542 --> 00:08:21,833 And Grace and I actually asked them to write this book, 148 00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:26,542 because we wanted to have, from our church, a good Bible-based, 149 00:08:26,625 --> 00:08:30,083 Jesus-focused resource to help people who have been 150 00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:31,500 sexually assaulted. 151 00:08:31,542 --> 00:08:34,583 And we love that book, and, you know, endorsed it, 152 00:08:34,667 --> 00:08:37,958 and all of that, and are really honored that that comes from 153 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,750 Mars Hill Church. 154 00:08:39,833 --> 00:08:43,875 And their definition is, "Any type of sexual behavior 155 00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:48,167 "or contact where consent is not freely given or obtained 156 00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:51,292 "and is accomplished through force, intimidation, violence, 157 00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:53,792 coercion, manipulation, threat--" 158 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,375 hold it right there, guys-- 159 00:08:55,458 --> 00:08:57,375 "deception, or abuse of authority." 160 00:08:57,458 --> 00:08:59,250 So, that's what we're talking about. 161 00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:02,458 It's very important, because it used to be that the word "rape" 162 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,833 was used a lot, and it still is, but this is a larger, legal, 163 00:09:05,917 --> 00:09:11,667 clinical definition, and it's important that as you look at 164 00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:15,000 your life, or your spouse, or people you know and love, 165 00:09:15,083 --> 00:09:17,208 that you understand what has happened 166 00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:19,333 and have the right language. 167 00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:22,333 We don't want to falsely accuse anyone; at the same time, 168 00:09:22,417 --> 00:09:25,333 we don't want to falsely excuse anyone. 169 00:09:25,417 --> 00:09:29,333 And it manifests itself in three ways. 170 00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:33,458 "The 'acts' can be physical, verbal, or psychological." 171 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,833 In the age of bullying and the Internet, 172 00:09:35,917 --> 00:09:39,333 in the age of certain inappropriate speech 173 00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:42,667 and conduct, it just, it can be physical contact 174 00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,833 that connotes sexual assault, 175 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,750 but it doesn't necessarily have to be. 176 00:09:46,833 --> 00:09:50,708 It also can be verbal and/or psychological. 177 00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:53,833 And some of you will ask, "Man, a whole sermon on this? 178 00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:55,333 "Why is this necessary? 179 00:09:55,417 --> 00:09:57,125 "I've been to a lot of churches, 180 00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:59,125 and I've not heard them talk about this." 181 00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:01,625 I would say, I love them, but that's their failure. 182 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,167 I was talking with a very well-known pastor of 183 00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:08,000 a decent-sized church, and he asked this question 184 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,667 some years ago of me. 185 00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:12,667 He asked, "Why do you guys talk about sexual assault so much 186 00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:14,083 in your church?" 187 00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:16,292 Well, part of it is it's my wife's story. 188 00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:19,458 Part of it is, as you'll see in a moment, it's epidemic. 189 00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:22,583 I said, "Well, isn't it an issue in your church?" 190 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:25,167 And at the time, I think he had 800 people. 191 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:28,583 He said, "Well, I know of two or three women who have been 192 00:10:28,667 --> 00:10:31,375 sexually assaulted, but it's not a big issue at our church." 193 00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:33,083 I said, "You've not done your homework. 194 00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:36,167 "You don't know your people. 195 00:10:36,208 --> 00:10:39,875 "You are ignoring a problem and assuming there isn't one. 196 00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:42,375 "That means you have a culture in which the people 197 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:46,375 "can't be honest about what has been happening to them 198 00:10:46,458 --> 00:10:48,333 and get the help that they need." 199 00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:51,167 I said, "So, it's not that you don't have a problem; 200 00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:53,250 it's that you're ignorant of a crisis." 201 00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:55,167 And, really, that's the issue, 202 00:10:55,208 --> 00:10:57,500 that sexual assault is an epidemic. 203 00:10:57,542 --> 00:11:00,167 It's one in four women. 204 00:11:00,208 --> 00:11:02,458 How many women do you know? 205 00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:04,917 One in four. 206 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:09,667 Statistically, the younger they are, the more likely it is. 207 00:11:09,708 --> 00:11:12,583 It's also true for one in six men, 208 00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:16,458 and men are highly unlikely to report it for reasons 209 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:22,167 of shame and embarrassment, and so it's not just women. 210 00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:28,583 Ten to fourteen percent of wives are assaulted by their husbands, 211 00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:33,375 which means some women are not only victims; 212 00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:35,750 they're married to their abuser, 213 00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:39,792 which is a situation I would liken to torment. 214 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,333 Abuse is what happens when something is done to you, 215 00:11:42,417 --> 00:11:44,000 but you escape. 216 00:11:44,042 --> 00:11:46,333 Torment is where it keeps happening to you, 217 00:11:46,417 --> 00:11:48,500 and you're trapped. 218 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:53,542 For some women, marriage is torment. 219 00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:56,667 They live with their abuser. 220 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:59,583 And it wasn't actually until the '70s that the laws 221 00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:03,833 even began to recognize marital sexual assault, 222 00:12:03,917 --> 00:12:09,667 that it was even a crime for a man to abuse his wife. 223 00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:14,375 Assault is also more common in cohabitation than in marriage. 224 00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:17,583 And some of you say, "That's why I don't want to get married. 225 00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:19,583 I just want to live with my boyfriend." 226 00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:22,500 A boyfriend is far more likely to sexually assault a girlfriend 227 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:26,292 than a husband is to assault a wife. 228 00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:28,875 And here's the staggering statistic. 229 00:12:28,958 --> 00:12:33,167 Only 5-40% of cases are ever actually reported. 230 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:36,500 Grace's would be an example. 231 00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:40,583 It's never been reported, not criminally speaking. 232 00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:43,083 So, you look at the underreporting. 233 00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:47,958 Well, statistically, what that means is a large percentage 234 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,083 of women and men, who call Mars Hill Church home, 235 00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:53,833 have been sexually assaulted. 236 00:12:53,917 --> 00:12:58,375 What that means is if it's not part of your story, 237 00:12:58,458 --> 00:13:02,542 it is part of the story of someone you know. 238 00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:04,542 I mean, how many women do you know? 239 00:13:04,625 --> 00:13:06,042 How many men do you know? 240 00:13:06,125 --> 00:13:10,167 How many do you know closely, and intimately, and personally? 241 00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:13,000 Well, statistically, you know a lot of victims, 242 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,375 and you probably don't know that they're victims, 243 00:13:15,458 --> 00:13:18,167 because sometimes they don't have the language to understand 244 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:20,958 what has happened to them, or the shame has caused them 245 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,292 not to really talk about that. 246 00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:26,667 And so at Mars Hill Church, we want to be a place where 247 00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:31,458 it's safe for people to be honest about what has happened, 248 00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:34,083 so that they can get hope, and help, and healing 249 00:13:34,167 --> 00:13:36,167 through Jesus and his people. 250 00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,542 It's a big part of what we do. 251 00:13:38,625 --> 00:13:40,750 And I'll just say this practically. 252 00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:42,875 I see it undergirding lots of issues. 253 00:13:42,958 --> 00:13:45,167 When we deal with people that have drug problems, 254 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,792 alcohol problems, sexual addiction problems, 255 00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:50,792 major depression problems, not always, but oftentimes, 256 00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:54,167 an underlying cause is a past sexual assault. 257 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,792 It's amazing how this epidemic manifests itself 258 00:13:57,833 --> 00:14:01,958 in other kinds of suffering. 259 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,042 Now, what happens to those who are assault victims-- 260 00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:10,500 and this can be sexual assault, physical assault, 261 00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:15,833 various kinds of abuse--what tends to happen is they have, 262 00:14:15,917 --> 00:14:19,000 oftentimes, basically, an identity crisis, like, 263 00:14:19,042 --> 00:14:22,375 "Who am I?" 264 00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:27,875 And so Grace rightly communicates in the chapter 265 00:14:27,958 --> 00:14:30,458 that there are four masks that they will wear, 266 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,750 and this is an identity that they assume. 267 00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:36,667 And like an actor or an actress reading a script and playing 268 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:42,083 a role, they will try to cope with what's happened to them 269 00:14:42,167 --> 00:14:44,667 by acting out in one of these four ways. 270 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:47,167 The first is a good person. 271 00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:50,000 And the underlying logic is, basically, 272 00:14:50,042 --> 00:14:55,000 "Something very bad happened to me, but I'm a good person. 273 00:14:55,042 --> 00:14:57,083 "They're a bad person. I'm a good person. 274 00:14:57,167 --> 00:15:00,167 "They did a bad thing, so I'm going to do good things. 275 00:15:00,208 --> 00:15:01,750 I'm a good person." 276 00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:04,833 These people tend to show up early to work, stay late, 277 00:15:04,917 --> 00:15:08,000 work hard, super faithful, volunteer for everything, 278 00:15:08,042 --> 00:15:11,375 absolutely dependable, sometimes very organized, 279 00:15:11,458 --> 00:15:13,500 because it's an issue of control. 280 00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:16,375 They felt like much of their life was out of control, 281 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,083 and they want to keep as much of it as possible 282 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,458 under their control. 283 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,583 These are people who are moral, they're obedient, 284 00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:27,500 they're compliant, they're dependable, they're reliable. 285 00:15:27,542 --> 00:15:31,292 They're good people outwardly. 286 00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:34,333 It's not bad to be good, 287 00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:39,458 but the motive is bad for them being good. 288 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,958 They're trying to show, "I'm a good person, 289 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,958 and what happened didn't affect how good I am." 290 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,333 Sometimes it's the people who volunteer the most, 291 00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:55,542 and give the most, and serve the most that are hurting the most, 292 00:15:55,625 --> 00:15:57,667 and they're hiding. 293 00:15:57,708 --> 00:16:00,750 Number two, there's the religious person. 294 00:16:00,833 --> 00:16:07,208 These people make everything incredibly, overtly spiritual. 295 00:16:07,292 --> 00:16:12,292 These are the people that it's always 296 00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:16,667 out-of-context Bible verses. 297 00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:19,000 They'll talk about Satan and demons 298 00:16:19,042 --> 00:16:20,792 and the sovereignty of God, 299 00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:22,792 and "he's going to work it all out," 300 00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:25,375 and "when he closes a door, he opens a window," 301 00:16:25,458 --> 00:16:28,333 and "greater is he who is in you than he who is 302 00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:31,958 in the world," and "I'm more than a conqueror in Christ." 303 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,167 And you ask them, "How are you doing?" 304 00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:37,167 They'll say, "God works out all things for the good of those 305 00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:38,583 who love him." 306 00:16:38,667 --> 00:16:40,583 It's like, "You didn't even answer my question. 307 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:44,083 "You're using theology as a fig leaf to hide behind. 308 00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:46,250 "I can't even know you. 309 00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:52,167 I know what you think; I don't know who you are." 310 00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:54,667 And sometimes they mean well, and sometimes they love 311 00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:59,292 the Lord, but they just, they just don't know what to do. 312 00:16:59,333 --> 00:17:02,458 And sometimes it's even an error in the way the gospel is 313 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,167 presented, because sometimes the gospel is presented solely as, 314 00:17:05,208 --> 00:17:07,000 "If you sin, Jesus died. 315 00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:09,000 Tell him your sin. He'll forgive you." 316 00:17:09,042 --> 00:17:12,167 True, but what about, not just the sins you've committed, 317 00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:14,792 but the sins that have been committed against you? 318 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:17,000 What do you do with those? 319 00:17:17,042 --> 00:17:20,167 You can't pray, "Dear God, please forgive me 320 00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:24,958 for being raped," because you didn't do anything. 321 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:31,000 You're the victim, not the perpetrator of the offense. 322 00:17:31,042 --> 00:17:34,833 But some people become incredibly religious, 323 00:17:34,917 --> 00:17:39,167 and I would say some of the most devoutly religious, 324 00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,875 hyper-spiritual people that Grace and I have ever dealt 325 00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:46,542 with, as we get to know them, they've been assaulted, 326 00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:51,000 and they've not really worked that through. 327 00:17:51,042 --> 00:17:53,500 There's the party person. 328 00:17:53,542 --> 00:17:56,583 One gal in a tragic counseling appointment early on 329 00:17:56,667 --> 00:18:02,000 in my ministry articulated it most devastatingly. 330 00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:06,542 I still pray for her often and recently bumped into someone 331 00:18:06,625 --> 00:18:12,458 who knows her, and she's not walking with Jesus, 332 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:17,458 but people are still talking to her over a decade later. 333 00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:21,292 She was an assault victim and a young woman, 334 00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,667 probably early 20s, if memory serves me correct, 335 00:18:23,708 --> 00:18:25,375 and I was meeting with her. 336 00:18:25,458 --> 00:18:28,458 She was just doing some really outrageous things 337 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,583 that were very dangerous. 338 00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:35,958 And I remember asking her, I said, "Why do you do this?" 339 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,333 And she looked at me, and she said, quote, 340 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:43,125 "I'm a dirty girl, so I do dirty things." 341 00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:52,667 That's what her grandfather made her say, 342 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:58,458 when he would leave her room at night. 343 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:02,708 And she decided that that would be her identity, 344 00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:05,125 so she would be the life of the party. 345 00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:08,708 She's gregarious, hilarious. 346 00:19:08,792 --> 00:19:11,500 She's fun to be around. 347 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,458 She's got the best sense of humor ever, 348 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:19,833 but everything's a joke, and she's always ready to just put 349 00:19:19,917 --> 00:19:23,917 a drink in her hand and let her be the center of attention. 350 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,833 And it's not a sin to have a good sense of humor, 351 00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,667 and it's not a sin to go out and, you know, 352 00:19:29,708 --> 00:19:36,000 enjoy people and their company, but for her, it's tragic. 353 00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:39,958 Some of you are like that. 354 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,958 Everything is a joke. 355 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,750 You start talking about personal things, change the subject, 356 00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,917 throw out a punch line. 357 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,667 "Ah, let's go do something fun. 358 00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:51,917 Why are you so serious?" 359 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,750 Number four, there's the tough person, 360 00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:56,667 and the tough person has learned, 361 00:19:56,708 --> 00:19:59,000 "Somebody got close to me and really hurt me. 362 00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:02,250 I'm going to make sure nobody ever gets close again." 363 00:20:02,333 --> 00:20:04,417 They could be physically intimidating. 364 00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,417 They can be emotionally intimidating. 365 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,500 They can be verbally intimidating, like, 366 00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:10,042 "You keep your distance." 367 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,333 Sometimes, they're just cold and aloof. 368 00:20:12,417 --> 00:20:15,083 You know, like, "Man, I don't even know that person. 369 00:20:15,167 --> 00:20:17,083 They don't open up at all." 370 00:20:17,167 --> 00:20:19,750 Other times, there's an aura about them, like, 371 00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:23,375 "Don't get too close." 372 00:20:23,458 --> 00:20:26,333 If you start to impose in any way 373 00:20:26,417 --> 00:20:31,958 that they feel uncomfortable, you are going to pay. 374 00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:37,000 How about you? 375 00:20:37,042 --> 00:20:39,000 For those of you who are assault victims 376 00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:40,375 of various sorts and kinds, 377 00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:43,375 you know, what mask do you wear? What role do you play? 378 00:20:43,458 --> 00:20:45,000 What identity have you assumed? 379 00:20:45,042 --> 00:20:46,875 And when it comes to our identity, 380 00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:49,542 our identity determines our testimony. 381 00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:54,083 Who we think we are determines, really, how we live. 382 00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:55,792 And there's really only three options. 383 00:20:55,833 --> 00:21:02,000 There's what I've done, what they've done, 384 00:21:02,083 --> 00:21:06,542 or what [God's] done. 385 00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:09,667 "If it's what I've done, well, then I'm going to try 386 00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:13,500 "to be a good person or a religious person, 387 00:21:13,542 --> 00:21:18,583 and I'm going to try and make myself a better person." 388 00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:20,792 If it's what they've done, 389 00:21:20,833 --> 00:21:23,458 "I'm going to be a party person or a tough person. 390 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,167 "Well, I'm damaged goods. I may as well have fun," or 391 00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:27,583 "I was hurt once, 392 00:21:27,667 --> 00:21:31,875 but I'll protect myself from here on out." 393 00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:35,083 Your identity comes either from what you've done, 394 00:21:35,167 --> 00:21:39,667 what they've done, or what [God's] done. 395 00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:45,375 So, how does Jesus play into all of this? 396 00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:48,958 At this point, we don't have good news, right? 397 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,792 You need some good news. 398 00:21:50,833 --> 00:21:55,042 So far, all we've got is news. 399 00:21:55,125 --> 00:22:00,250 And I want to tell you three things related to Jesus, 400 00:22:00,333 --> 00:22:04,417 and that is, number one, that Jesus forgives all sin. 401 00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:06,833 So, some of you are going to hear this, 402 00:22:06,917 --> 00:22:09,083 and you're going to say, "I'm not the victim. 403 00:22:09,167 --> 00:22:11,667 I'm the sinner." 404 00:22:11,708 --> 00:22:13,667 Or maybe you're both. 405 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:16,833 Maybe, "Something was done to me, and then I turned around and did 406 00:22:16,917 --> 00:22:19,792 something to someone else," or "Something was done to me, 407 00:22:19,833 --> 00:22:23,875 and I've just been bitter ever since." 408 00:22:23,958 --> 00:22:26,958 What do you do with that? 409 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,542 1 John 1:7-8, "If we walk in the light--" 410 00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:34,500 and this is about openness, and honesty, and authenticity, 411 00:22:34,542 --> 00:22:39,500 which requires a lot of humility to say, "Okay, here's who I am. 412 00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:43,667 Here's what I've done." 413 00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:47,000 It's being honest and transparent. 414 00:22:47,042 --> 00:22:52,167 And one of the reasons I admire Grace so much for writing 415 00:22:52,250 --> 00:22:56,667 the chapter in the book and being honest about her story 416 00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:59,292 is she's walking in the light. 417 00:22:59,333 --> 00:23:02,042 She's saying, "Here's what happened." 418 00:23:02,125 --> 00:23:08,500 And in so doing, she's inviting other people to do the same. 419 00:23:08,542 --> 00:23:12,333 And it's been pretty remarkable. 420 00:23:14,417 --> 00:23:17,167 The feedback we've gotten has generally been, 421 00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:20,167 particularly on this issue, super encouraging. 422 00:23:20,250 --> 00:23:22,167 It says, "If we walk in the light, 423 00:23:22,250 --> 00:23:23,667 "as he is in the light, 424 00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:25,583 we have fellowship with one another." 425 00:23:25,667 --> 00:23:30,000 As people are honest, they get closer, as opposed to faking it, 426 00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:34,167 playing roles, hiding behind fig leaves. 427 00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:36,375 As you're honest and say, "Here's what I've done, 428 00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,458 and here's what's been done to me--" 429 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,292 and you do this with your spouse, 430 00:23:40,333 --> 00:23:42,583 you don't necessarily do--you don't do this with 431 00:23:42,667 --> 00:23:45,500 strangers, or dangerous people, or your abuser, 432 00:23:45,542 --> 00:23:48,000 but you do this with your spouse, or your parent, 433 00:23:48,042 --> 00:23:50,667 or a biblical counselor, or a godly church leader, 434 00:23:50,750 --> 00:23:52,792 or a trustworthy friend. 435 00:23:52,833 --> 00:23:54,583 You have fellowship. You feel closer. 436 00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:57,500 It's been really interesting this week. 437 00:23:57,542 --> 00:24:01,167 Emotionally, this has been a pretty shipwrecked week for me 438 00:24:01,208 --> 00:24:03,667 for a whole lot of reasons, but all leading up 439 00:24:03,708 --> 00:24:07,167 to having to teach--or getting to teach this content. 440 00:24:07,208 --> 00:24:11,042 But I've had multiple women walk up to me in stores, 441 00:24:11,125 --> 00:24:15,667 in coffee shops, look me in the eye, start crying and say, 442 00:24:15,750 --> 00:24:20,542 "Tell Grace, 'Thank you for chapter 7.'" 443 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:24,792 And they feel a fellowship with her. 444 00:24:24,833 --> 00:24:30,875 One was a young woman who said, you know, "That's my story, 445 00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:33,583 "and Grace told hers and got help, so I'm telling mine, 446 00:24:33,667 --> 00:24:35,667 so I can get help." 447 00:24:35,708 --> 00:24:38,167 Well, praise God for that. 448 00:24:38,250 --> 00:24:41,000 And so as we talk about sin we've committed and sin 449 00:24:41,042 --> 00:24:44,000 that's been committed against us, we walk in the light. 450 00:24:44,042 --> 00:24:45,750 We have fellowship with one another. 451 00:24:45,833 --> 00:24:47,375 We actually build relationships. 452 00:24:47,458 --> 00:24:49,500 We get beyond the, "How are you doing?" 453 00:24:49,542 --> 00:24:50,875 "Great. How are you?" 454 00:24:50,958 --> 00:24:52,292 "Great." 455 00:24:52,333 --> 00:24:54,375 "Well, we're both great. Glad that's over with. 456 00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:57,583 Have a nice life." 457 00:24:57,667 --> 00:24:59,583 One of the guys on the film crew, 458 00:24:59,667 --> 00:25:02,042 before the sermon, he asked, "How are you doing?" 459 00:25:02,125 --> 00:25:04,750 I said, "I'm not going to lie to you, not well." 460 00:25:04,833 --> 00:25:08,083 He was like, "I understand." 461 00:25:08,167 --> 00:25:11,083 "If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, 462 00:25:11,167 --> 00:25:12,583 "we have fellowship with one another, 463 00:25:12,667 --> 00:25:15,083 and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from--" 464 00:25:15,167 --> 00:25:16,500 how much sin? 465 00:25:16,542 --> 00:25:18,250 "All sin." 466 00:25:18,333 --> 00:25:20,000 "If we say we have no sin--" 467 00:25:20,042 --> 00:25:21,750 "Oh, I've not done anything too bad, 468 00:25:21,833 --> 00:25:23,583 and nobody's done anything bad to me." 469 00:25:23,667 --> 00:25:26,167 "We deceive ourselves." 470 00:25:26,250 --> 00:25:29,167 You can actually start to believe that lie. 471 00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:31,667 "Nothing bad's happened to me, and I haven't done anything 472 00:25:31,750 --> 00:25:34,958 "real bad to them, so, you know, thankfully, it's not a big deal. 473 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,375 "Our life is pretty easy. 474 00:25:36,458 --> 00:25:39,375 "Move along with the needy people, who've got big issues, 475 00:25:39,458 --> 00:25:41,000 because ours is pretty simple." 476 00:25:41,042 --> 00:25:42,792 We deceive ourselves. 477 00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:45,083 Satan, in the Bible, is called a deceiver. 478 00:25:45,167 --> 00:25:48,083 People can deceive themselves, as well. 479 00:25:48,167 --> 00:25:50,583 "And the truth is not in us." 480 00:25:50,667 --> 00:25:55,250 We're not telling the truth. 481 00:25:55,333 --> 00:25:57,500 So, when it comes to the sin we've committed, 482 00:25:57,542 --> 00:25:59,458 and the sin that's been committed against us, 483 00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:02,458 we need to be truthful about all of it, not diminish it. 484 00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:05,500 People like to partially confess their sin, 485 00:26:05,583 --> 00:26:07,500 or they like to partially confess sin 486 00:26:07,542 --> 00:26:10,583 that's been committed against them, because of shame. 487 00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:13,792 They don't want to tell the whole truth. 488 00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:16,167 But God asks us to tell the whole truth, 489 00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:22,500 so that we can deal with reality and not be self-deceived. 490 00:26:22,542 --> 00:26:25,750 And the key is that, "The blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us 491 00:26:25,833 --> 00:26:27,667 from all sin." 492 00:26:27,750 --> 00:26:30,375 And the idea here is this, that because of the sins 493 00:26:30,458 --> 00:26:32,875 we've committed, we all deserve death and hell. 494 00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:35,250 And I know it's not popular to say that, 495 00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:37,458 and there's a lot of places that'll tell you, 496 00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:40,167 "You're basically a good person, and don't really worry about it. 497 00:26:40,250 --> 00:26:42,167 God loves everybody. You're going to be fine." 498 00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:43,583 Let me tell you this. 499 00:26:43,667 --> 00:26:45,792 Everybody is a bad person and headed toward hell 500 00:26:45,833 --> 00:26:47,167 at breakneck speed. 501 00:26:47,250 --> 00:26:48,583 Hell is the active wrath 502 00:26:48,667 --> 00:26:50,583 of a just and holy God against evil. 503 00:26:50,667 --> 00:26:53,292 And I praise God that he doesn't look at this earth 504 00:26:53,333 --> 00:26:55,292 and all of the injustice, tyranny, oppression, rape, 505 00:26:55,333 --> 00:27:00,042 assault, and neglect, and say, "Those are some good people." 506 00:27:00,125 --> 00:27:03,250 I'm glad that God looks at it, as a father would, 507 00:27:03,333 --> 00:27:05,667 toward children that were being assaulted and says, 508 00:27:05,708 --> 00:27:08,333 "That really grieves and angers me, 509 00:27:08,417 --> 00:27:10,500 "and I cannot tolerate that forever. 510 00:27:10,542 --> 00:27:15,458 It will come to an end." 511 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:19,833 Some of you are in grave danger. 512 00:27:19,917 --> 00:27:22,250 You are headed toward hell. 513 00:27:22,333 --> 00:27:25,958 You are living in the path of the wrath of God. 514 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,292 And the good news is that God comes as Jesus Christ. 515 00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:31,583 God comes as a man. 516 00:27:31,667 --> 00:27:35,458 He lives as we do, yet without any sin, 517 00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:37,875 and he substitutes himself on the cross, 518 00:27:37,958 --> 00:27:41,792 and he suffers and dies in our place for our sins, 519 00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:46,542 so that at the cross of Jesus, justice and mercy kiss, 520 00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:53,500 and our sin is paid for through the blood of Jesus, 521 00:27:53,542 --> 00:27:55,792 through the blood of Jesus. 522 00:27:55,833 --> 00:27:57,667 So, friends, let me say this. 523 00:27:57,750 --> 00:28:00,333 There will be justice for us all. 524 00:28:00,375 --> 00:28:03,833 It's either at the cross of Jesus or in hell, 525 00:28:03,917 --> 00:28:06,500 and no one is getting away with anything. 526 00:28:06,583 --> 00:28:10,083 And for those of you who are victims of assault and abuse 527 00:28:10,167 --> 00:28:13,167 of various sorts and kinds, in forgiving someone, 528 00:28:13,250 --> 00:28:15,250 you're not saying it's okay. 529 00:28:15,333 --> 00:28:19,500 What you're saying is you'll leave it in the hands of God. 530 00:28:19,542 --> 00:28:21,875 You'll leave it in the hands of God. 531 00:28:21,958 --> 00:28:24,792 And that is either Jesus died for it, 532 00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:27,958 or they will die and go to hell for it. But either way, 533 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,667 it will be dealt with. 534 00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:32,000 And we're all sinners by nature and choice, 535 00:28:32,042 --> 00:28:35,500 and we need to know that our sin is such a big deal 536 00:28:35,542 --> 00:28:37,958 that it required the death of God. 537 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,000 So, it's a great travesty for even a victim to say, 538 00:28:41,042 --> 00:28:43,292 "Yes, what happened to me did, in fact, occur, 539 00:28:43,333 --> 00:28:45,292 but it wasn't that big of a deal." 540 00:28:45,333 --> 00:28:47,083 Yes, it was. 541 00:28:47,167 --> 00:28:48,833 God had to die for it. 542 00:28:48,917 --> 00:28:51,667 That's how big of a deal it is. 543 00:28:51,750 --> 00:28:56,042 But Jesus can and does forgive all sin. 544 00:28:56,125 --> 00:29:00,542 It doesn't matter what you've done. 545 00:29:00,625 --> 00:29:04,042 Jesus can and does forgive all sin, 546 00:29:04,125 --> 00:29:09,417 even the horrific sins of sexual assault; yes, even toward women; 547 00:29:09,500 --> 00:29:12,542 yes, even toward children. 548 00:29:12,625 --> 00:29:15,167 He doesn't just forgive people; he changes them 549 00:29:15,208 --> 00:29:21,833 so that they stop sinning and start serving. 550 00:29:21,917 --> 00:29:24,167 Do you know Jesus? 551 00:29:24,208 --> 00:29:26,833 Is your sin forgiven, or are you living in the path 552 00:29:26,917 --> 00:29:29,000 of the wrath of God? 553 00:29:29,083 --> 00:29:34,917 But Jesus does forgive all sin. 554 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,542 But we need to talk about it. 555 00:29:37,625 --> 00:29:39,750 You need to talk to God about it. 556 00:29:39,833 --> 00:29:42,167 That's that word, 557 00:29:42,208 --> 00:29:45,917 "We walk in the light." 558 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,500 It's being honest with God, it's being honest with others; 559 00:29:49,583 --> 00:29:52,000 and if you're married, it's being honest with your spouse. 560 00:29:52,083 --> 00:29:55,000 Who are you, and what have you done? 561 00:29:55,083 --> 00:29:59,000 Number two, Jesus takes all shame. 562 00:29:59,083 --> 00:30:03,833 One of my great frustrations with gospel presentations is 563 00:30:03,875 --> 00:30:06,250 that it is said, "You're a sinner, 564 00:30:06,333 --> 00:30:08,667 "and if you repent of sin and trust in Jesus, 565 00:30:08,750 --> 00:30:10,292 he will save you." 566 00:30:10,333 --> 00:30:13,250 That's absolutely true, but what happens to those who are not 567 00:30:13,333 --> 00:30:18,167 just the sinners, but the victims of others' sin? 568 00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:21,250 What do you do? 569 00:30:21,333 --> 00:30:24,042 What do you do when you're the one who was beaten, 570 00:30:24,125 --> 00:30:26,042 when you were the one who was betrayed, 571 00:30:26,125 --> 00:30:28,042 when you were the one who was molested, 572 00:30:28,125 --> 00:30:30,042 when you were the one who was raped? 573 00:30:30,125 --> 00:30:31,458 What do you do? 574 00:30:31,500 --> 00:30:34,167 You don't repent of your sin. You're the victim of sin. 575 00:30:34,250 --> 00:30:35,583 You didn't sin. 576 00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:37,083 You were the victim of sin. 577 00:30:37,167 --> 00:30:38,875 What do you do? 578 00:30:38,958 --> 00:30:42,333 And that is that Jesus not only forgives sinners; 579 00:30:42,417 --> 00:30:44,750 he cleanses victims. 580 00:30:44,833 --> 00:30:46,875 And what he does, he takes their shame. 581 00:30:46,958 --> 00:30:48,500 Because you know what sin produces? 582 00:30:48,542 --> 00:30:50,042 Shame. 583 00:30:50,125 --> 00:30:51,792 And this can be sin we've committed 584 00:30:51,833 --> 00:30:53,292 or sin that's committed against us. 585 00:30:53,333 --> 00:30:54,667 It creates shame. 586 00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:56,667 We see this early on in Genesis 2, 587 00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:58,458 where God creates our first parents perfect. 588 00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:01,542 And it says that they were naked without any what? 589 00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:03,542 Shame. 590 00:31:03,625 --> 00:31:07,042 So, before sin enters the world, there's no shame. 591 00:31:07,125 --> 00:31:10,083 As soon as they sin, they cover themselves, 592 00:31:10,167 --> 00:31:13,375 they hide from one another, and they hide from God. 593 00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:15,000 Do you know what that is? 594 00:31:15,042 --> 00:31:16,500 Shame. 595 00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:19,875 "I don't want God to see me. I don't want you to see me. 596 00:31:19,958 --> 00:31:21,750 I don't want to be known." 597 00:31:21,833 --> 00:31:23,458 Because intimacy is "into-me-see," 598 00:31:23,500 --> 00:31:26,667 and they just don't want to be seen. 599 00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:30,292 People who are ashamed, they tend to withdraw, retreat, 600 00:31:30,333 --> 00:31:33,667 hide, or they'll hide behind, as I said, 601 00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:36,500 a mask or an identity that they assume and presume, 602 00:31:36,542 --> 00:31:39,667 as an effort of pretending who they are and defending 603 00:31:39,750 --> 00:31:43,083 the shame they feel. 604 00:31:43,167 --> 00:31:45,583 How many of you feel shame by what you've done? 605 00:31:45,667 --> 00:31:49,542 How many of you feel shame by what has been done to you? 606 00:31:49,625 --> 00:31:55,042 You just feel dirty. 607 00:31:55,125 --> 00:32:01,542 Every woman I've ever counseled, who is a sexual assault victim, 608 00:32:01,625 --> 00:32:07,667 the first thing she did, after being assaulted, was what? 609 00:32:07,750 --> 00:32:11,667 Take a shower. 610 00:32:11,708 --> 00:32:14,875 I can't remember a woman who hasn't said, 611 00:32:14,958 --> 00:32:16,833 "And I had to go take a shower." 612 00:32:16,917 --> 00:32:18,667 What is that? 613 00:32:18,750 --> 00:32:23,750 It's that they feel, to use the language of Genesis 34, 614 00:32:23,833 --> 00:32:25,542 in the story of Dinah, 615 00:32:25,625 --> 00:32:31,958 "defiled," unclean, dirty. 616 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,875 Hebrews 12:1-2, 617 00:32:35,958 --> 00:32:39,667 "Let us also lay aside every weight." 618 00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:42,083 Is your shame, the sin committed against you, 619 00:32:42,167 --> 00:32:43,792 does it feel like a weight? 620 00:32:43,833 --> 00:32:46,958 Does it feel like a taxing burden, 621 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,833 like an emotional anchor? 622 00:32:50,917 --> 00:32:53,375 "And the sin which clings so closely," 623 00:32:53,458 --> 00:32:58,292 does it always feel like it's right there? 624 00:32:58,333 --> 00:33:00,833 "And let us run," not just limp, but, 625 00:33:00,917 --> 00:33:02,917 "run with endurance," that's perseverance, 626 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:08,875 keep going, "the race that is set before us," that God has 627 00:33:08,958 --> 00:33:12,667 purposed for us in our life to not only heal but to help others 628 00:33:12,750 --> 00:33:15,250 be healed, through Jesus Christ. 629 00:33:15,333 --> 00:33:17,083 Looking to who? 630 00:33:17,167 --> 00:33:18,750 Jesus. 631 00:33:18,833 --> 00:33:21,250 See, if you're just looking at yourself as a victim, 632 00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:26,167 or just looking at your abuser, and you're not looking to Jesus, 633 00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:29,833 you're not going to be able to run. 634 00:33:29,917 --> 00:33:33,792 You're just going to limp for the rest of your life. 635 00:33:33,833 --> 00:33:37,167 "The founder and perfecter of our faith, 636 00:33:37,250 --> 00:33:39,583 who for the joy that was set before him," 637 00:33:39,667 --> 00:33:43,375 Jesus, though it was painful, and he shed his tears, 638 00:33:43,458 --> 00:33:46,667 he joyously saved sinners. 639 00:33:46,708 --> 00:33:50,458 He joyously takes shame, "endured the cross, 640 00:33:50,500 --> 00:33:52,458 despising the--" What? 641 00:33:52,500 --> 00:33:53,833 "Shame." 642 00:33:53,917 --> 00:33:57,042 We have a God--for those of you who struggle with the shame of 643 00:33:57,125 --> 00:33:59,875 the sin that's been committed by you or against you-- 644 00:33:59,958 --> 00:34:03,750 we have a God who has come into human history and has, 645 00:34:03,833 --> 00:34:06,833 of his own volition, 646 00:34:06,875 --> 00:34:13,167 has chosen to be shamed and victimized. 647 00:34:13,208 --> 00:34:18,500 Jesus was victimized-- emotionally, verbally, 648 00:34:18,542 --> 00:34:22,583 spiritually, physically abused. 649 00:34:22,667 --> 00:34:25,667 He was assaulted. 650 00:34:25,708 --> 00:34:29,375 And he went to the cross, and he was shamed. 651 00:34:29,458 --> 00:34:34,375 They said horrific things about his character 652 00:34:34,458 --> 00:34:39,667 that were completely untrue. 653 00:34:39,750 --> 00:34:43,833 He was stripped, altogether--or almost altogether--naked, I mean, 654 00:34:43,917 --> 00:34:46,542 so shameful for a man. 655 00:34:46,625 --> 00:34:48,292 He was condemned as a criminal. 656 00:34:48,333 --> 00:34:50,458 He was beaten. He was cursed upon. 657 00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:52,750 He was spit upon. 658 00:34:52,833 --> 00:34:56,375 He was mocked. 659 00:34:56,458 --> 00:34:58,375 He was crucified. 660 00:34:58,458 --> 00:35:01,542 He was shamed. 661 00:35:01,625 --> 00:35:04,250 But the Bible says that he went to the cross, 662 00:35:04,333 --> 00:35:05,958 despising the shame. 663 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:10,375 Some of your translations will say, "scorning the shame." 664 00:35:10,458 --> 00:35:14,458 You sinners need to know that when Jesus went to the cross, 665 00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:16,083 he took your sin. 666 00:35:16,167 --> 00:35:18,833 You victims need to know, when Jesus went to the cross, 667 00:35:18,917 --> 00:35:20,750 he took your shame. 668 00:35:20,833 --> 00:35:24,667 And they both died in the body of Jesus that day. 669 00:35:24,708 --> 00:35:28,167 And so there is forgiveness of shame--of sin, rather, 670 00:35:28,250 --> 00:35:30,875 and there is taking of shame in the person and work 671 00:35:30,958 --> 00:35:32,500 of Jesus. 672 00:35:32,542 --> 00:35:34,792 And I really, desperately, as your pastor, 673 00:35:34,833 --> 00:35:37,375 want you to know and embrace this great truth, 674 00:35:37,458 --> 00:35:43,042 otherwise, you will feel forgiven but ashamed, 675 00:35:43,125 --> 00:35:45,750 and you will limp along, rather than running the race 676 00:35:45,833 --> 00:35:48,292 that is set before you. 677 00:35:48,333 --> 00:35:53,583 And number three, Jesus cleanses all defilement. 678 00:35:53,667 --> 00:35:56,167 The Bible, between the Old and New Testament, 679 00:35:56,250 --> 00:35:58,583 has about a dozen words-- 680 00:35:58,667 --> 00:36:03,167 defilement, filth, uncleanness-- 681 00:36:03,208 --> 00:36:07,792 these are all words denoting the staining effect 682 00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:12,500 of sin, particularly that committed against us. 683 00:36:12,542 --> 00:36:14,833 If you read the Old Testament, and you wonder, 684 00:36:14,917 --> 00:36:17,792 "Why do they have to keep cleaning their home and have 685 00:36:17,833 --> 00:36:21,583 "cleansing rituals and all of this mechanism by which to rid 686 00:36:21,667 --> 00:36:26,958 "their homes and their diets, and their garments of filth 687 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,250 and dirt?" 688 00:36:29,333 --> 00:36:33,250 It's all showing that sin is like that. 689 00:36:33,333 --> 00:36:36,167 Sin gets into everything, and it makes it dirty, 690 00:36:36,208 --> 00:36:39,875 and it makes it defiled, and it makes it disgusting. 691 00:36:39,958 --> 00:36:43,875 And as we labor to keep our bodies and homes clean, 692 00:36:43,958 --> 00:36:49,958 so Jesus needs to cleanse us from all of our unrighteousness. 693 00:36:53,417 --> 00:36:59,167 Some of you feel very defiled, damaged, broken. 694 00:37:03,708 --> 00:37:07,125 And here's what 1 John 1:9 says, 695 00:37:07,167 --> 00:37:08,875 "If we confess our sins--" 696 00:37:08,958 --> 00:37:14,083 Again, we talk about it with God and godly, trustworthy people, 697 00:37:14,167 --> 00:37:17,667 beginning with our spouse, I would hope and pray. 698 00:37:17,708 --> 00:37:20,375 He is what? 699 00:37:20,458 --> 00:37:22,375 "He's faithful." 700 00:37:22,458 --> 00:37:25,792 And I can tell you, from my life, my wife's life, 701 00:37:25,833 --> 00:37:28,333 and hundreds of people that we've been able to serve 702 00:37:28,417 --> 00:37:31,375 in varying ways on these issues over the years, 703 00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:36,750 he is faithful. "--to forgive us our sins--" 704 00:37:36,833 --> 00:37:39,000 So, whatever sins you've committed, 705 00:37:39,042 --> 00:37:42,167 Jesus can and will forgive, if, today, you turn from sin, 706 00:37:42,250 --> 00:37:44,958 trust in him. 707 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,292 "And" to what? 708 00:37:48,333 --> 00:37:52,000 "Cleanse us." 709 00:37:52,042 --> 00:37:54,500 See, the rape victim, who climbs in the shower, 710 00:37:54,542 --> 00:38:00,042 what they really want is Jesus, but they just don't know 711 00:38:00,125 --> 00:38:03,417 how to get clean to the level of the soul, 712 00:38:03,500 --> 00:38:09,542 so they go as far as they can, which is cleansing of the body. 713 00:38:11,417 --> 00:38:13,875 "To forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from 714 00:38:13,958 --> 00:38:16,500 all unrighteousness." 715 00:38:16,542 --> 00:38:20,000 And for you victims, I want you just to memorize, 716 00:38:20,042 --> 00:38:26,542 "cleanse from all unrighteousness," all of it. 717 00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:29,667 And what that means is you may even have repressed memories 718 00:38:29,750 --> 00:38:32,458 or disassociation, and you're doing something, 719 00:38:32,500 --> 00:38:35,000 and all of a sudden a memory comes back. 720 00:38:35,042 --> 00:38:38,167 And you think, "Man, I thought I dealt with this, but it's back, 721 00:38:38,250 --> 00:38:41,542 "or it's something I didn't know, and now I do know." 722 00:38:41,625 --> 00:38:44,667 I talked to a victim, a woman, not long ago, 723 00:38:44,750 --> 00:38:47,542 and somebody just walked up behind her and just, it was 724 00:38:47,625 --> 00:38:50,750 a friend that just put a hand on her shoulder, and she absolutely 725 00:38:50,833 --> 00:38:54,083 fell to the floor weeping bitterly, did not know why. 726 00:38:54,167 --> 00:38:57,000 It triggered a memory that she had not remembered in years 727 00:38:57,042 --> 00:39:02,917 of something that had happened to her, that was assaulting. 728 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:08,625 And it's cleansing from all the unrighteousness, all of it. 729 00:39:08,667 --> 00:39:11,417 And the way this works itself out in the Bible is 730 00:39:11,500 --> 00:39:13,333 symbolic acts. 731 00:39:13,375 --> 00:39:16,625 The people of God are often told, "Wash your clothes," 732 00:39:16,667 --> 00:39:18,167 to show what Jesus does. 733 00:39:18,208 --> 00:39:21,250 I want you, every time you do your laundry, 734 00:39:21,333 --> 00:39:23,542 just to remind yourself Jesus cleanses 735 00:39:23,625 --> 00:39:26,250 from all unrighteousness. 736 00:39:26,333 --> 00:39:28,208 Every time you do your dishes, Jesus cleanses 737 00:39:28,292 --> 00:39:30,542 from all unrighteousness. 738 00:39:30,625 --> 00:39:32,542 Every time you sweep or vacuum the floor, 739 00:39:32,625 --> 00:39:37,458 Jesus cleanses from all unrighteousness. 740 00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:41,542 This is shown, as well, in Christian baptism, 741 00:39:41,625 --> 00:39:44,333 that Jesus lived, died, was buried, and rose. 742 00:39:44,417 --> 00:39:47,458 And as water cleanses us from filth, 743 00:39:47,500 --> 00:39:52,750 Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness. 744 00:39:52,833 --> 00:39:54,167 As well, in the Bible, 745 00:39:54,208 --> 00:39:56,667 the people of God often wear what color? 746 00:39:56,708 --> 00:39:58,750 White. 747 00:39:58,833 --> 00:40:01,042 Do you ever wonder why? 748 00:40:01,125 --> 00:40:06,833 It's to show that Jesus cleanses from all unrighteousness. 749 00:40:06,917 --> 00:40:09,958 So, even the church is typified in Revelation 19 750 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,375 at the end of the age as like a bride. 751 00:40:12,458 --> 00:40:15,083 Jesus is like a groom, and there's this enormous 752 00:40:15,167 --> 00:40:19,875 celebration and wedding feast that ends human history. 753 00:40:19,958 --> 00:40:23,375 And it says that fine, white linen, pure and clean, 754 00:40:23,458 --> 00:40:26,792 was given her to wear. 755 00:40:26,833 --> 00:40:29,083 Ladies, it doesn't matter what you've done 756 00:40:29,167 --> 00:40:31,083 or what's been done to you. 757 00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:33,875 On your wedding day, you wear what? 758 00:40:33,958 --> 00:40:36,167 You wear white, if you are in Christ, 759 00:40:36,250 --> 00:40:38,750 because if you are in Christ, you are clean. 760 00:40:38,833 --> 00:40:40,750 That's your identity. 761 00:40:40,833 --> 00:40:44,167 You're not determined by what you've done 762 00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:45,833 or what's been done to you. 763 00:40:45,917 --> 00:40:48,458 You're determined by what Jesus has done for you, 764 00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:52,292 and he cleanses us from all unrighteousness. 765 00:40:52,333 --> 00:40:56,333 This is why even the people of God, in the Old Testament, 766 00:40:56,417 --> 00:40:58,792 they would go to the temple. 767 00:40:58,833 --> 00:41:00,708 I've had the privilege of being there, 768 00:41:00,792 --> 00:41:03,333 at least at the site where the temple used to reside, 769 00:41:03,417 --> 00:41:05,333 and it's literally a city on a hill. 770 00:41:05,417 --> 00:41:08,792 It's high and exalted, and the temple is at the top 771 00:41:08,833 --> 00:41:13,667 of this rock, highly visible. 772 00:41:13,708 --> 00:41:15,875 And there were certain psalms of ascent, 773 00:41:15,958 --> 00:41:19,042 that the people would sing, as they would go to worship God 774 00:41:19,125 --> 00:41:20,583 and deal with sin. 775 00:41:20,667 --> 00:41:23,500 And at the base of the mountain, before they would ascend 776 00:41:23,542 --> 00:41:25,792 to worship God, singing various psalms of ascent, 777 00:41:25,833 --> 00:41:28,375 they would first stop, and they would wash their clothes, 778 00:41:28,458 --> 00:41:30,667 and they'd wash their body, and they'd put on 779 00:41:30,750 --> 00:41:35,500 fresh, white linen, and then they would go to worship God. 780 00:41:35,542 --> 00:41:40,542 Imagine seeing tens of thousands of people wearing white. 781 00:41:40,625 --> 00:41:43,292 That's to remind us all: Jesus cleanses 782 00:41:43,333 --> 00:41:47,667 from all unrighteousness. 783 00:41:47,750 --> 00:41:53,792 For those who are the spouse of an assault victim, 784 00:41:53,833 --> 00:41:57,167 number one, 785 00:41:57,250 --> 00:42:00,667 God has not given you an affliction; 786 00:42:00,708 --> 00:42:02,667 he's given you a mission. 787 00:42:02,708 --> 00:42:04,708 Or I should say it this way: 788 00:42:04,792 --> 00:42:06,458 God has not given us an affliction; 789 00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:08,875 he's given us a mission. 790 00:42:08,958 --> 00:42:13,083 I've got two daughters 791 00:42:13,167 --> 00:42:18,583 that I absolutely cherish and adore. 792 00:42:18,667 --> 00:42:24,167 And God has daughters that he cherishes and adores. 793 00:42:24,250 --> 00:42:29,833 And if he would ask some of you men to marry and love 794 00:42:29,917 --> 00:42:36,083 and serve those women, it is not an affliction; 795 00:42:36,167 --> 00:42:41,667 it is a mission that the Father has sent you on, 796 00:42:41,750 --> 00:42:44,792 because he's trusting you to love his daughter 797 00:42:44,833 --> 00:42:48,292 with his affection. 798 00:42:48,333 --> 00:42:51,333 And in our selfish moments, we can think, 799 00:42:51,417 --> 00:42:54,792 "This is more difficult than some might experience. 800 00:42:54,833 --> 00:42:57,833 This is not what I would've hoped for." 801 00:42:57,917 --> 00:43:03,042 We should, instead, thank God that he's trusted us with such 802 00:43:03,125 --> 00:43:09,250 a sacred mission and not in any way view it as an affliction. 803 00:43:09,333 --> 00:43:15,792 Number two, the affection and the intimacy takes longer, 804 00:43:15,833 --> 00:43:21,292 but it goes deeper, because for someone who has been hurt, 805 00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:25,458 they will be reticent, cautious to really trust someone, 806 00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:28,375 even their spouse. 807 00:43:28,458 --> 00:43:34,583 And so it will take longer, but it will go deeper, 808 00:43:34,667 --> 00:43:37,500 because they will trust you in a way 809 00:43:37,542 --> 00:43:40,750 they've never trusted anyone and be vulnerable with you 810 00:43:40,833 --> 00:43:45,958 in a way that has only been betrayed. 811 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:49,083 And for those of you who might ask, 812 00:43:49,167 --> 00:43:51,792 God does not cause these things to happen, 813 00:43:51,833 --> 00:43:55,583 but he uses them for good. 814 00:43:55,667 --> 00:43:58,000 God does not cause these things to happen, 815 00:43:58,042 --> 00:44:00,542 but he will use them for good. 816 00:44:00,625 --> 00:44:05,167 And that's why Grace wrote the chapter. 817 00:44:05,208 --> 00:44:11,750 Father God, as I bring Grace out, I pray for our church, 818 00:44:11,833 --> 00:44:15,542 that we would be a safe place, 819 00:44:15,625 --> 00:44:22,375 a helpful place, a healing place. 820 00:44:22,458 --> 00:44:26,500 God, for those who have just realized that this is their 821 00:44:26,542 --> 00:44:31,083 story, I pray for the time and energy it's going to take 822 00:44:31,167 --> 00:44:34,333 to process this and trustworthy people, including their spouse, 823 00:44:34,417 --> 00:44:39,000 to talk about this with. 824 00:44:39,042 --> 00:44:42,583 And, God, it is an epidemic. 825 00:44:42,667 --> 00:44:48,042 It's a growing epidemic, so we pray against the enemy, 826 00:44:48,125 --> 00:44:50,875 his servants, their works and effects. 827 00:44:50,958 --> 00:44:53,667 We pray for the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ 828 00:44:53,750 --> 00:44:56,292 to do its work, and we pray that 829 00:44:56,333 --> 00:44:58,583 the people of God would be a means 830 00:44:58,667 --> 00:45:04,208 by which the grace of God and the love of God is shared. 831 00:45:04,292 --> 00:45:07,458 I thank you for Grace's bravery and boldness 832 00:45:07,500 --> 00:45:10,167 and her friendship with me. 833 00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:14,542 God, I thank you that I get to be her husband, 834 00:45:14,625 --> 00:45:19,375 and I pray for the men in the church, that are single, 835 00:45:19,458 --> 00:45:23,667 that we would not see them make any victims. 836 00:45:23,750 --> 00:45:26,542 I pray for the men in the church, who are married, 837 00:45:26,625 --> 00:45:29,875 that they would not make any victims. 838 00:45:29,958 --> 00:45:32,875 And I pray for the people in the church, men and women, 839 00:45:32,958 --> 00:45:35,875 who are victims, that they would know, in Christ, 840 00:45:35,958 --> 00:45:39,875 they are forgiven; in Christ, their shame is scorned; 841 00:45:39,958 --> 00:45:42,292 and, in Christ, they are clean. 842 00:45:42,333 --> 00:45:45,083 In Jesus' name, amen. 843 00:45:45,167 --> 00:45:46,958 Thank you for joining me, sweetie. 844 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,667 Rather than doing Q&A today, I just don't think emotionally 845 00:45:49,750 --> 00:45:53,167 I could handle that, to be honest with you, 846 00:45:53,250 --> 00:45:55,333 and I didn't want to expose you 847 00:45:55,417 --> 00:46:00,208 to that kind of situation. 848 00:46:01,625 --> 00:46:05,042 So, thanks for writing the chapter. 849 00:46:05,125 --> 00:46:10,167 I think you did a great job, and thanks for being my friend. 850 00:46:10,208 --> 00:46:13,167 Thanks for walking through this whole process with me. 851 00:46:13,250 --> 00:46:19,667 I would do anything for you. I would. 852 00:46:19,750 --> 00:46:25,000 Let's start with, how did it feel for you or what concerns 853 00:46:25,042 --> 00:46:30,333 or apprehensions did you have once, you know, 854 00:46:30,417 --> 00:46:32,000 we kind of understood everything, 855 00:46:32,042 --> 00:46:33,875 and then you started working toward 856 00:46:33,958 --> 00:46:35,500 getting in a Redemption Group, 857 00:46:35,542 --> 00:46:38,167 and talking with people, and working that through? 858 00:46:38,250 --> 00:46:41,000 What was that like for you? 859 00:46:41,042 --> 00:46:45,750 There was a lot of fears involved. 860 00:46:45,833 --> 00:46:49,458 I was always a very private, quiet person, 861 00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:53,250 and so when God started revealing and 862 00:46:53,333 --> 00:46:56,458 opening my eyes to some of the things that had been-- 863 00:46:56,500 --> 00:47:00,667 had happened to me--it was a big deal for me 864 00:47:00,708 --> 00:47:03,333 to even share it with you. 865 00:47:03,375 --> 00:47:07,125 And so the thought of continuing to share that with people for 866 00:47:07,167 --> 00:47:13,500 healing was pretty frightening, and just to not keep those 867 00:47:13,542 --> 00:47:17,250 things private, and to think that any healing could possibly 868 00:47:17,333 --> 00:47:22,333 come from more discussion was confusing to me. 869 00:47:22,417 --> 00:47:26,083 It seemed like you could just confess it, or talk about it, 870 00:47:26,167 --> 00:47:29,667 and then turn the page, and you'd be fine, and that was it, 871 00:47:29,708 --> 00:47:34,000 but God had so much more healing to do in the process 872 00:47:34,042 --> 00:47:36,333 of working it through. 873 00:47:36,417 --> 00:47:40,875 So, as I was entering into a group with other women, 874 00:47:40,958 --> 00:47:44,667 some who I knew, some who I didn't really know, 875 00:47:44,708 --> 00:47:47,792 it was a super vulnerable place for me. 876 00:47:47,833 --> 00:47:50,750 There were many times, where I wanted to quit and say, 877 00:47:50,833 --> 00:47:55,500 "This is too hard," and that fear of rejection from people 878 00:47:55,542 --> 00:47:59,000 was big for me. 879 00:47:59,042 --> 00:48:01,625 It's because of lots of relationships throughout 880 00:48:01,667 --> 00:48:05,458 my life, and so the thought of telling people this and then 881 00:48:05,500 --> 00:48:09,958 the rejection possibility that would happen. 882 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:13,583 And so just sharing and getting in that group actually was 883 00:48:13,667 --> 00:48:17,875 a healing process, because as we each shared our story, 884 00:48:17,958 --> 00:48:23,167 and things that had happened, and different aspects, 885 00:48:23,250 --> 00:48:26,667 it made me realize that I wasn't alone. 886 00:48:26,750 --> 00:48:30,083 And I knew I wasn't, because I had the Lord, and I had you, 887 00:48:30,167 --> 00:48:33,583 but there's just something, I think, for women specifically, 888 00:48:33,667 --> 00:48:37,000 but for all of us in general, living in community, 889 00:48:37,042 --> 00:48:42,083 it really does help us want to be strengthened in that journey 890 00:48:42,167 --> 00:48:46,500 of healing, and so just sharing that--and the women were sharing 891 00:48:46,542 --> 00:48:48,875 their stories, and I couldn't relate to every detail 892 00:48:48,958 --> 00:48:50,292 of theirs. 893 00:48:50,333 --> 00:48:52,333 They couldn't relate to every detail of mine, 894 00:48:52,417 --> 00:48:54,167 but there were pieces in everyone's story, 895 00:48:54,208 --> 00:48:58,583 whether it was shame or just wanting to suppress the truth, 896 00:48:58,667 --> 00:49:00,958 or embarrassment. 897 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,167 There were lots of different elements that we could 898 00:49:03,208 --> 00:49:05,667 each relate to in each other's stories. 899 00:49:05,708 --> 00:49:08,542 And so it just, it was really helpful to have people 900 00:49:08,625 --> 00:49:12,833 talk through that in a group setting. 901 00:49:12,917 --> 00:49:15,500 For those who may be unfamiliar with it, 902 00:49:15,583 --> 00:49:18,167 this is why we started Redemption Groups, 903 00:49:18,208 --> 00:49:19,750 quite frankly. 904 00:49:19,833 --> 00:49:25,167 We wanted to have a Bible-based, Jesus-focused, church-connected 905 00:49:25,208 --> 00:49:29,167 way of helping those who have been abused, addicted, 906 00:49:29,208 --> 00:49:31,042 or have deep hurts and wounds, 907 00:49:31,125 --> 00:49:33,000 and so I know you brought it out. 908 00:49:33,083 --> 00:49:36,000 Pastor Mike Wilkerson, who's a friend of mine, 909 00:49:36,083 --> 00:49:38,458 and you're good friends with his wife, Trisha, 910 00:49:38,500 --> 00:49:40,958 who's been a good friend to you--he wrote the book, 911 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,833 "Redemption," and it serves as kind of the basis for our 912 00:49:43,875 --> 00:49:47,542 Redemption Groups, and we really appreciate them doing that work 913 00:49:47,625 --> 00:49:49,750 for us, and we asked them to do that, 914 00:49:49,833 --> 00:49:52,458 so that Mars Hill could be a place that we could 915 00:49:52,500 --> 00:49:53,833 establish groups to help people. 916 00:49:53,917 --> 00:49:56,542 I think over 700 people have been through Redemption Groups, 917 00:49:56,625 --> 00:49:58,625 and at least that many in other churches, 918 00:49:58,667 --> 00:50:01,125 as we're hoping to set up Redemption Groups in other 919 00:50:01,167 --> 00:50:03,667 churches under the leadership of Pastor Mike and others. 920 00:50:03,708 --> 00:50:06,833 Maybe take a few moments and explain to people 921 00:50:06,875 --> 00:50:08,458 what a Redemption Group is. 922 00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:10,167 It's different than a Community Group. 923 00:50:10,250 --> 00:50:13,375 A Community Group meets ongoing and discusses the content 924 00:50:13,458 --> 00:50:15,292 of the sermon. 925 00:50:15,333 --> 00:50:17,667 Maybe explain Redemption Groups and how they work with 926 00:50:17,708 --> 00:50:19,375 Community Groups. 927 00:50:19,458 --> 00:50:21,750 Yeah, a Redemption Group starts out with a weekend 928 00:50:21,833 --> 00:50:25,958 of training and getting to hear from other leaders and people 929 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:29,667 who have similar experiences, and then it goes for about 930 00:50:29,750 --> 00:50:35,167 a quarter every week, and it's based off the story of Exodus 931 00:50:35,250 --> 00:50:39,167 in the Bible, so it's a very biblical training, 932 00:50:39,208 --> 00:50:41,583 but it's also very practical. 933 00:50:41,667 --> 00:50:46,458 He talks through deliverance and how God wants to deliver us from 934 00:50:46,500 --> 00:50:50,667 the slavery of sin, either that we've committed 935 00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:52,958 or that's been committed against us. 936 00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,792 And then he talks--it talks through the ransom that God 937 00:50:55,833 --> 00:51:00,208 has already paid, so that we can experience the next topic 938 00:51:00,292 --> 00:51:02,000 of renewal. 939 00:51:02,083 --> 00:51:04,917 And all those things are throughout 940 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,833 the Redemption Group training. 941 00:51:07,917 --> 00:51:11,083 You get to continually hear real stories of people 942 00:51:11,167 --> 00:51:14,667 that have walked through these painful processes, 943 00:51:14,750 --> 00:51:17,375 and then you break off into smaller groups, 944 00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:20,292 that they prayerfully put people into. 945 00:51:20,333 --> 00:51:22,375 They have a leader and an apprentice 946 00:51:22,458 --> 00:51:24,875 in the group that walk people through the stories 947 00:51:24,958 --> 00:51:26,833 and how to talk to each other, 948 00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,667 not hurt each other more through comments, 949 00:51:29,708 --> 00:51:33,833 but to receive and love each other through it, 950 00:51:33,917 --> 00:51:36,167 so it's a very relational process. 951 00:51:36,250 --> 00:51:39,833 You get to know people that you knew nothing about before. 952 00:51:39,917 --> 00:51:44,875 And then you continue to just walk through that process. 953 00:51:44,958 --> 00:51:47,083 And then at the end, they celebrate, 954 00:51:47,167 --> 00:51:50,750 have a celebration time, just as Mark has said just to wear 955 00:51:50,833 --> 00:51:54,583 white, you know, celebrate, have a feast that we get to celebrate 956 00:51:54,667 --> 00:51:57,167 what God has done in the renewal process, 957 00:51:57,208 --> 00:51:59,958 and not that it's ended after that quarter-- 958 00:52:00,083 --> 00:52:04,042 you will continue, but you continue under the auspices 959 00:52:04,125 --> 00:52:05,833 of a new identity. 960 00:52:05,917 --> 00:52:07,667 You're not the abuse victim; 961 00:52:07,750 --> 00:52:09,667 you are a renewed person in Christ, 962 00:52:09,708 --> 00:52:11,875 and he wants to continue to heal you. 963 00:52:11,958 --> 00:52:14,250 And so the identity piece is a huge part, 964 00:52:14,333 --> 00:52:17,083 getting rid of the idols and walking in your new identity 965 00:52:17,167 --> 00:52:19,250 in Christ. 966 00:52:19,333 --> 00:52:21,875 What does it mean for you that we've got Redemption Groups 967 00:52:21,958 --> 00:52:23,792 at Mars Hill? 968 00:52:23,833 --> 00:52:26,792 Oh, it means the world, because I know that people 969 00:52:26,833 --> 00:52:30,833 can really experience healing, and they don't have to be stuck 970 00:52:30,917 --> 00:52:37,333 in shame and the pain of being a sexual assault victim. 971 00:52:37,417 --> 00:52:41,875 They can help other people, once they've been trained. 972 00:52:41,958 --> 00:52:44,750 It's just, it's a continual process for them. 973 00:52:44,833 --> 00:52:48,375 And, yeah, so many people don't know what to say, 974 00:52:48,458 --> 00:52:52,042 when they hear of sexual assault stories, 975 00:52:52,125 --> 00:52:56,667 and so this is an essential part for our church to come in 976 00:52:56,708 --> 00:52:59,750 and love people who feel unloved. 977 00:52:59,833 --> 00:53:02,667 So, it means the world to me that we could have 978 00:53:02,708 --> 00:53:04,833 such a resource, because so many people 979 00:53:04,875 --> 00:53:06,917 didn't know what to say to me, either. 980 00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,000 Yeah. 981 00:53:09,042 --> 00:53:14,292 What counsel would you give for a spouse, a friend, a parent, 982 00:53:14,333 --> 00:53:17,667 who knows someone that this is part of their story, 983 00:53:17,708 --> 00:53:21,875 or somebody confides in them this is part of their story? 984 00:53:21,958 --> 00:53:25,083 What would be helpful for them to say and do and unhelpful 985 00:53:25,167 --> 00:53:28,000 for them to say and do? 986 00:53:28,042 --> 00:53:32,500 Well, I think praying for them, being a good listener, 987 00:53:32,542 --> 00:53:36,667 being someone they can trust, a confidante, 988 00:53:36,708 --> 00:53:39,500 not someone who's going to go and spread what they've confided 989 00:53:39,542 --> 00:53:46,000 in you, just to remind them of God's love for them, 990 00:53:46,042 --> 00:53:50,292 to remind them of his desire for healing and renewal, 991 00:53:50,333 --> 00:53:54,167 and to cleanse from all unrighteousness. 992 00:53:54,250 --> 00:53:56,875 I needed to be reminded of those things regularly, 993 00:53:56,958 --> 00:54:01,208 because as new memories or lies 994 00:54:01,292 --> 00:54:04,750 try to invade during the healing process, 995 00:54:04,833 --> 00:54:09,792 the truth needs to be spoken, and not in a just an aloof way 996 00:54:09,833 --> 00:54:13,292 or unfeeling way, but a way that is genuine, 997 00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:16,750 and even just hugging the person, 998 00:54:16,833 --> 00:54:19,667 if they're okay with that, if it's someone that's, you know, 999 00:54:19,708 --> 00:54:23,292 a girlfriend to another gal, or your wife. 1000 00:54:23,333 --> 00:54:27,333 I think those are just important ways to really help that person 1001 00:54:27,417 --> 00:54:29,333 see that you do care. 1002 00:54:29,417 --> 00:54:33,042 And if they need help, help them into a Redemption Group. 1003 00:54:33,125 --> 00:54:35,458 Help them into a community that's trusting 1004 00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:37,458 or a biblical counselor, 1005 00:54:37,500 --> 00:54:39,958 if you're not in the Mars Hill community, 1006 00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:43,083 praying with them, praying over them, 1007 00:54:43,167 --> 00:54:45,667 checking in on them to make sure that they're okay 1008 00:54:45,708 --> 00:54:48,083 in the healing process. 1009 00:54:48,167 --> 00:54:53,583 I had many friends that just regularly would text me or call 1010 00:54:53,667 --> 00:54:56,750 and say, you know, "How can I pray for you today? 1011 00:54:56,833 --> 00:54:58,792 What is your struggle today?" 1012 00:54:58,833 --> 00:55:01,042 And they would just pray for me right then, 1013 00:55:01,125 --> 00:55:03,458 and they would pray for me throughout the weeks. 1014 00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:05,500 Just not rejecting me was huge. 1015 00:55:05,583 --> 00:55:11,167 And then, yeah, just being good listeners. 1016 00:55:11,250 --> 00:55:13,375 I think I'm going to end it there. 1017 00:55:13,458 --> 00:55:16,667 I don't think I can do any more. 1018 00:55:16,708 --> 00:55:20,750 We're going to transition at this point. 1019 00:55:20,833 --> 00:55:24,583 We'll collect our offering, and that is to forward the ministry 1020 00:55:24,667 --> 00:55:28,167 of Jesus, and we want people to get help. 1021 00:55:28,250 --> 00:55:32,542 Since we've recently grown by 5,000 people in 2 weeks, 1022 00:55:32,625 --> 00:55:34,875 we have a whole lot of people to help, 1023 00:55:34,958 --> 00:55:36,792 and so we appreciate your support, 1024 00:55:36,833 --> 00:55:38,542 prayerfully and financially. 1025 00:55:38,625 --> 00:55:40,750 If you're new or want to get connected, 1026 00:55:40,833 --> 00:55:43,667 give us that visitor card, because we really want to follow 1027 00:55:43,750 --> 00:55:47,292 up with you and do anything we can to connect to you. 1028 00:55:47,333 --> 00:55:49,292 So, if you put that in the offering, 1029 00:55:49,333 --> 00:55:51,333 that'll enable us to serve you. 1030 00:55:51,417 --> 00:55:54,458 We'll take Communion, which is remembering the broken body 1031 00:55:54,500 --> 00:55:56,667 and shed blood of Jesus. 1032 00:55:56,750 --> 00:56:00,250 The blood of Jesus cleanses from all unrighteousness. 1033 00:56:00,333 --> 00:56:02,667 And as you take Communion, you're publicly saying, 1034 00:56:02,708 --> 00:56:07,042 "He died, so that I could be forgiven and cleansed." 1035 00:56:07,125 --> 00:56:11,458 And it's a very powerful public identification with Jesus. 1036 00:56:11,500 --> 00:56:14,042 And, lastly, we're going to sing. 1037 00:56:14,125 --> 00:56:18,542 And singing for us, today, is a way of praying. 1038 00:56:18,625 --> 00:56:24,500 It's working out what the heart is feeling, through the voice. 1039 00:56:24,542 --> 00:56:27,167 And so, as we sing, we're praying collectively 1040 00:56:27,250 --> 00:56:29,375 as the people of God, today, 1041 00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:32,833 some praying and grieving for ourselves, 1042 00:56:32,917 --> 00:56:36,500 and some for those we know and love, or some for both. 1043 00:56:36,542 --> 00:56:39,458 And so, yeah, sweetie, if you'd be willing, 1044 00:56:39,500 --> 00:56:41,750 maybe just close our time in prayer. 1045 00:56:41,833 --> 00:56:44,833 I'd appreciate that. 1046 00:56:44,917 --> 00:56:47,083 Lord, thank you. 1047 00:56:47,167 --> 00:56:52,583 Thank you for giving me the strength to write this story 1048 00:56:52,667 --> 00:56:58,083 that you are still weaving and playing out in my life. 1049 00:56:58,167 --> 00:57:02,417 Thank you that you are taking it to help other people, 1050 00:57:02,500 --> 00:57:04,750 and I pray that you'd continue to do that. 1051 00:57:04,833 --> 00:57:10,500 I pray that men and women who have sexual assault in their 1052 00:57:10,542 --> 00:57:17,000 history, Lord, that they would just move toward the release 1053 00:57:17,042 --> 00:57:21,500 from the shackles that it causes for them. 1054 00:57:21,542 --> 00:57:25,000 Lord, I pray against the enemy's lies 1055 00:57:25,042 --> 00:57:29,875 and division of community for them. 1056 00:57:29,958 --> 00:57:32,583 Lord, I pray that they would trust you 1057 00:57:32,667 --> 00:57:35,042 as their Heavenly Father, 1058 00:57:35,125 --> 00:57:38,750 to be their source for their identity, and their joy, 1059 00:57:38,833 --> 00:57:41,000 and their healing. 1060 00:57:41,042 --> 00:57:47,000 Lord, I thank you that you don't let us just continue 1061 00:57:47,042 --> 00:57:52,083 broken and unhealed, that you desire so much more. 1062 00:57:52,167 --> 00:57:56,958 And so I pray for that path for all of us, in Jesus' name. 1063 00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:59,167 Thanks.