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[music]

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All right, men.

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Men!

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You know who you are.

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When a company
struggles or fails,

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who ultimately
has to take responsibility?

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The CEO.

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When a nation
struggles or fails,

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who ultimately
has to take responsibility?

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The president, the king,
whoever is in charge.

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How about a sports team, a sports
team struggling or failing?

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Another way of saying that is
a Seattle sports team exists.

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Who takes
responsibility for that?

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Well, ultimately,
it's going to be the coach

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and/or the general manager.

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Let's say there's a military
unit, heads out to war,

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and struggles and/or fails.

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Who ultimately takes
responsibility?

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Well, it's going to be
the highest-ranking officer.

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Why, why is that?

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Because they're the head.

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Others under their authority
may bear some responsibility,

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but because they're in
the highest authority,

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they bear the most
responsibility.

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So, let me ask you
men a question.

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When our first father
and his wife, our first mother,

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were in the Garden of Eden,
who sinned first, Eve or Adam?

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Eve did.

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Eve partook, and he observed.

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And then God
comes in Genesis 3,

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and who does he call out for?

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Adam.

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He calls out to Adam,
"Where are you?"

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Why does he do that?

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Is it that he did not hold
her responsible for her sin?

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No, we read in Genesis 3
that God came to her,

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spoke to her about her sin, that
there are consequences for women

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today because of the sin
of our first mother, Eve.

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But God held the man
primarily responsible,

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because he's
the head of his family.

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That's why we read
in Romans 5:12-21

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that because of the man's sin,
the whole race fell.

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Women are responsible
for their sin.

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Wives are responsible for
their sin, but their husbands,

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in addition, also
bear responsibility.

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What does this mean
for your family?

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What does this
mean for my family?

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It means that the well-being of
our wife is our responsibility.

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It says it this way
in 1 Corinthians 11.

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Paul says that the woman
is the glory of the man.

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That means that she is the
reflection of his affection,

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that if she is flourishing,
it should be because of his

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loving investment
and involvement.

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How's it going?

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And you men need to know that
we will stand before God.

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You husbands, in particular,
need to know that we

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will stand before God,
the Maker of heaven and earth,

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the one who knows and sees
all, and we're going to give

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an account for ourselves,
as men.

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And if we're privileged
to be husbands,

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we will also give
an account for our wife.

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And if we're given
the great blessing of children,

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we will also give
an account for our children.

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They will give
an account, as well,

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but we will give
an account for all,

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for everyone that is
under our authority.

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This is what it means when the
Bible uses the language of "head,"

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that we are responsible,
in the sight of God,

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for the well-being
of our wives and children.

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And so, men, in this
sermon on men and marriage,

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you need to know that if your
wife struggles or fails to grow

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in godliness, if your children
struggle or fail to grow

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in godliness, it is your
responsibility in the sight

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of God; in addition to
their responsibility,

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but it is your
responsibility, as well,

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and that's what the Bible means
when it uses the word "head,"

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and it does so in many places.

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I'll give you one, and we'll
read it at great length,

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Ephesians 5:22-33,
the one section of Scripture

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that if in our day it's actually
read at a wedding,

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some sneer, others snicker,
and if you believe the Bible,

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you praise God for it.

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Ephesians 5:22-33,
we'll just read it.

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"Wives, submit to your own
husbands, as to the Lord.

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For the husband is the--"
what?

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"The head of the wife even as
Christ is the--" what?

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"head of the church, his body,
and is himself its Savior.

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"Now as the church
submits to Christ,

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"so also wives should submit in
everything to their husbands.

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"Husbands, love your wives,
as Christ loved the church

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"and gave himself up for her,
that he might sanctify her,

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"having cleansed her by
the washing of water

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with the word--"
there's the Scriptures,

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"so that he might present
the church to himself

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"in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle

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"or any other such thing,

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"that she might be holy
and without blemish.

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"In the same way husbands should
love their wives

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"as their own bodies.

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He who loves his
wife loves himself."

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After all, they are one.

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"For no one ever
hated his own flesh,

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"but nourishes and cherishes it,
just as Christ does the church,

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"because we are
members of his body.

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'Therefore,"
he quotes Genesis 2,

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"'a man shall leave his father
and mother

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and hold fast to his wife--'"
that is marriage,

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"'and the two
shall become one flesh.'"

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That is consummation
of their covenant.

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"This mystery is profound,
and I am saying that it refers

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"to Christ and the church.

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"However, let each one of you
love his wife as himself,

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and let the wife see that
she respects her husband."

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There are some instructions
here for wives,

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and we will deal with those
in the ensuing sermon.

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For this sermon, I want to
look at the exhortations,

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admonitions that God has,
through Paul, for men.

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And most of his exhortation here
is for men, because, as head,

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we bear primary responsibility.

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And what he is
saying, first of all,

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is that marriage is
to be covenantal.

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This is in the biblical
context of covenant,

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and this is very important
for men to understand

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because how many of you men
are involved in business?

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And in business,
you have contracts.

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Men enter into contracts.

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If you sign up for a credit
card, that's a contract.

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You buy a home or a car,
that's a contract.

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What works for business
does not work for marriage.

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Marriage is not
to be contractual.

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Perhaps the most grotesque
example of contractual marriage

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is the prenuptial
agreement, which is,

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"Let us make sure that we have
organized our divorce

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"before our wedding.

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"Let's make sure that the terms
of dissolution are absolutely

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agreed upon before we
even have our union."

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The Bible, when it
comes to marriage,

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does not present it
in a way that is contractual,

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but covenantal.

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Hundreds of times,
the Bible speaks of covenant.

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It's not a stretch to say that
the Bible is, in large part,

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all about covenants.

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And in the most simple
understanding of a covenant,

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it's an agreement
between two people.

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Sometimes that can be
between two human beings,

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or between a person,
or a group of people, and God.

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Salvation is called
the new covenant.

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God enters into
a covenant with us,

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and God's covenant with us
is that, "I will be your God,

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"and you will be my people,

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and I'll never leave you
nor forsake you."

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That's covenantal language.

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Similarly, a husband is
to look at his wife and say,

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"I will be your husband,
and you will be my wife,

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"and we will make a people,

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and I will never leave you
nor forsake you."

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That's covenantal language.

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That's not contractual language.

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At least on two occasions,
the Bible speaks of marriage

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as a covenant.

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It does so in Proverbs 2:17
and in Malachi 2:14.

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It says it explicitly,
and then it infers it

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repeatedly throughout
the course of the Bible.

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And there's one particular
word in the Bible that explains

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covenant, and in
the Old Testament,

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it's this little word "hesed."

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It's a Hebrew word,
but it's a very important,

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significant word.

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I'll give you some of the ways
it is translated

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in various translations
of the Bible.

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Sometimes it is called covenant
love, loving-kindness, mercy,

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steadfast love, loyal devotion,
loyal love, commitment,

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loyalty, or reliability.

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I love how the
"Jesus Storybook Bible" says it.

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It's a great kids' Bible, and it
uses this language for hesed

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to thread the themes of the
stories of the Bible together,

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and it calls covenant love
"a never stopping,

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never giving up, unbreaking,
always and forever love."

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I read that to my kids,
and I kiss them, and I say,

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"God loves you like that,
and I love you like that."

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Never stopping, never
giving up, unbreaking,

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always and forever love.

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The first thing I need you men
to understand is that you are

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the covenant head.

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And before we get into headship,
I want to unpack covenant.

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And what this means is that your
understanding of marriage

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has to be covenantal,
not contractual.

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And if I had to break it
down in its simplest form,

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I would articulate it this way.

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Contract is about me
negotiating terms

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that benefit me.

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It's selfish.

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Covenant is about me giving
myself to you

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for your well-being.

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It's servanthood.

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Covenant is about your benefit;

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contract is about my benefit.

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And when you hear people
say things like,

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"Well, I think we
should get a divorce,

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I want to start over, you know,
God wants me to happy,"

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they're thinking contractually,
not covenantally,

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because what they're
saying is "me."

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That's all they're saying.

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"God wants me to be happy.

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"God wants me
to get what I want.

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God wants me
to get what I need."

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Covenantal thinking says,
"God wants me to become

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"what you need.

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"God wants me to love
you, as you need.

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"God wants me to serve
you, as you need.

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God wants me to invest
in you, as you need."

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Covenant is about
what is best for you;

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contract is about
what is best for me.

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It's the difference between
selfishness and servanthood.

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And in a covenantal marriage,
a husband and a wife are

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in covenant with God, through
faith in Jesus Christ,

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and they are to be
in covenant with one another.

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And the Bible says that as Jesus
loves and serves the church,

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so the man, as the covenant
head, is to similarly,

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lovingly lead his wife, so that
she flourishes and grows

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in the grace of God.

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So, number one, it's about
covenant; and, number two,

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every covenant has a head,
and the head is the one

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who is ultimately the senior
leader, the high authority,

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the one who is responsible for
the oversight, the management,

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and the well-being
of the covenant.

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So, in our new covenant
relationship with God,

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through Christ, Jesus Christ is
our covenant head.

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He is the Head.

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When we are part of
the church of Jesus Christ,

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the head of
the church is Christ.

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That's exactly what we
read in Ephesians 5.

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"Wives, submit to your own
husbands, as to the Lord.

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"For the husband is the head of
the wife even as Christ

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is the head of the church."

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And so what this
does not mean-- men,

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as head of household or head
of family, we're not the boss.

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We're the head.

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We're not to be a boss
like a boss at work,

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just sort of delegating duties
to our wife and to our children.

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00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:54,625
Instead, we are to be
the head like Jesus,

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00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:58,625
and that in every way
the relationship between Jesus

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00:12:58,667 --> 00:13:02,500
and the church is to be
for us a pattern of

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00:13:02,583 --> 00:13:05,417
covenant relationship.

246
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:08,625
Now, it sounds peculiar, because
Jesus never went on a date,

247
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:10,417
and he never got married.

248
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:14,333
And the question is what does
he possibly know about marriage?

249
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:16,625
But in the storyline
of the Bible,

250
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:19,500
marriage is a bit of
a reflection

251
00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:22,875
of the relationship that Jesus
has with the church.

252
00:13:22,958 --> 00:13:24,625
And some of you men may say,

253
00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:26,125
"I've got
a very difficult wife."

254
00:13:26,167 --> 00:13:28,708
Not nearly as difficult
as Jesus' wife.

255
00:13:28,792 --> 00:13:30,125
Right?

256
00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:32,083
Some of you would
say, "But my wife,

257
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:34,208
she's very undependable
and unthankful."

258
00:13:34,292 --> 00:13:36,583
Oh, not like Jesus' wife.

259
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:40,083
Jesus' wife,
she's a piece of work.

260
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,500
Amen?

261
00:13:41,542 --> 00:13:43,917
The church of Jesus Christ
is not always this beautiful,

262
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,833
radiant, glorious bride.

263
00:13:46,875 --> 00:13:52,000
She falls into sin, folly,
rebellion, selfishness,

264
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:55,708
but Jesus loves his
bride, the church.

265
00:13:55,792 --> 00:14:00,125
And we read some things about
how Jesus loves his bride,

266
00:14:00,167 --> 00:14:05,583
the church, and how men are to
love their bride, their wife.

267
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:09,792
We read words in Ephesians 5
like "love" and "washing

268
00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:15,917
with the word of God," "making
her holy," "nourishing her,"

269
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:20,125
"cherishing her,"
"becoming one with her."

270
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:23,167
That's all covenantal language.

271
00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,833
And so even in
the covenant of marriage,

272
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:29,875
Jesus Christ is
the capital-H Head.

273
00:14:29,958 --> 00:14:35,333
The Head of your marriage is
Jesus, and the lowercase-h

274
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:39,167
head is the husband,
and the husband is to be part

275
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:41,917
of the church,
and learning about Jesus,

276
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,500
and seeing how Jesus loves
and serves and sanctifies

277
00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:47,000
the church.

278
00:14:47,042 --> 00:14:50,417
And then he's supposed to take
those examples from Jesus,

279
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,500
and by the power
of the Holy Spirit,

280
00:14:52,542 --> 00:14:57,333
be something like Jesus to his
wife, so that she's cherished,

281
00:14:57,375 --> 00:15:00,792
and she's nurtured, and she's
loved, and she's pursued,

282
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:05,500
and she's forgiven, so that she
grows in godliness and grace and

283
00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:09,417
gloriousness, that the woman
is the glory of the man,

284
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,875
that she reflects
his investment.

285
00:15:12,958 --> 00:15:17,583
As a church matures and grows,
it reflects the service

286
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,833
and the sacrifice of Jesus.

287
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,500
So it is with the woman.

288
00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:23,333
As she grows, and flourishes,

289
00:15:23,375 --> 00:15:26,000
and as her children grow
and flourish, it shows

290
00:15:26,042 --> 00:15:30,500
the service and sacrifice
of her husband and her Lord.

291
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:33,417
Here's the bottom line, guys.

292
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,500
Your wife is your garden.

293
00:15:36,583 --> 00:15:39,000
And if you don't like
the way the garden looks,

294
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:41,333
you're the gardener.

295
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,833
You can't just
stand back and yell at her,

296
00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:48,833
or give demands to her, or
pass judgments regarding her.

297
00:15:48,875 --> 00:15:52,125
You need to love her like
Christ loved the church.

298
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:56,417
You need to take responsibility
like Jesus took responsibility.

299
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,833
You need to pursue her.

300
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,333
You need to invest in her.

301
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:01,833
You need to care for her.

302
00:16:01,875 --> 00:16:04,875
You need to cherish her
and nourish her with the grace

303
00:16:04,958 --> 00:16:07,000
that God gives you.

304
00:16:07,042 --> 00:16:09,583
Now, what this doesn't
mean--Ephesians 5,

305
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:14,167
and Colossians 3, and 1 Peter 3,
and 1 Corinthians 11--the Bible

306
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:18,667
says this many, many, many
times, what it doesn't mean when

307
00:16:18,750 --> 00:16:21,583
it says that the husband
is the head of the wife,

308
00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:24,083
it doesn't mean that
men are over women.

309
00:16:24,167 --> 00:16:26,000
God forbid that would happen.

310
00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:27,417
I have two daughters.

311
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,583
The scariest thing I can think
of is that men, in general,

312
00:16:30,667 --> 00:16:33,167
were in authority over them.

313
00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:35,833
This does not mean that
men are over women.

314
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:40,417
This means one man, one woman,
husband and wife in the covenant

315
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,417
of marriage, that
the man is the head.

316
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:47,417
He takes responsibility and
burden before God to lovingly,

317
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,833
humbly lead her, and that
he, by the grace of God,

318
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:54,875
seeks continually to reveal
Jesus to her in his words

319
00:16:54,958 --> 00:16:56,500
and his deeds.

320
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,333
That's what it means.

321
00:16:58,375 --> 00:17:00,917
And this is to protect women
from other relationships.

322
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,917
Let's say, for example,
there's a daughter,

323
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,000
and she's got a close
relationship with her

324
00:17:05,042 --> 00:17:07,167
covenant head Christian dad.

325
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:10,208
That headship protects her
from other boys who want to

326
00:17:10,292 --> 00:17:14,208
come along and be her head,
tell her what to do,

327
00:17:14,292 --> 00:17:18,000
set an identity for her,
abuse her, endanger her.

328
00:17:18,083 --> 00:17:22,500
It protects her from other young
men who would come to take

329
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,792
that place of headship
in her life.

330
00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:26,625
Similarly with a wife.

331
00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:29,333
If the husband loves her,
like Christ loves the church,

332
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:31,708
and he takes
responsibility for her,

333
00:17:31,792 --> 00:17:35,625
that protects her
from bad men, bosses,

334
00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:38,917
men who have ill intent
or those who are perverted.

335
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,583
It protects her.

336
00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:43,500
It puts her in the context
where she is lovingly cared for

337
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:45,500
and protected.

338
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:48,625
And in our day, when one in
three women is sexually abused,

339
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,708
and women are
mistreated, and maligned,

340
00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:54,917
and taken advantage of, it's
good to know that God's intent

341
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,417
is that men would be the head,
and that husbands and fathers

342
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,500
would be the head
of their household,

343
00:18:00,583 --> 00:18:03,875
and that they would lovingly
lead and protect their children,

344
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:09,125
to be sure, but in light of this
sermon, especially their wife.

345
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:11,917
Now, what it also doesn't
say is that maybe, perhaps,

346
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,833
if you think it's
culturally appropriate,

347
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:16,583
after you've gone to college,
and read a few books,

348
00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:19,583
and been raised on feminism,
and women's magazines,

349
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:22,792
and sitcoms that make fun
of men, if after all of that,

350
00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:25,708
you think it's a good idea,
because you and your friends

351
00:18:25,792 --> 00:18:28,083
voted, then perhaps,
maybe, perchance,

352
00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:31,208
the man could theoretically
be the head of the household.

353
00:18:31,292 --> 00:18:34,417
That's not what it says.

354
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:38,125
It says that the man is,

355
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:44,167
the husband is the head
of the wife, as Christ, what?

356
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,125
Is the head
of the church.

357
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,333
What we're not going to do
today is take a vote and say,

358
00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:52,833
"How many of you think Jesus
should be in charge

359
00:18:52,875 --> 00:18:54,208
of our church?"

360
00:18:54,292 --> 00:18:56,708
We're not voting.
He is the head of the church.

361
00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:59,000
Men, you are
the head of your home.

362
00:18:59,042 --> 00:19:01,708
The husband is
the head of the wife.

363
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:05,000
We get into a lot of trouble
when God says we are something,

364
00:19:05,042 --> 00:19:08,500
and then we debate as to
whether or not we should be.

365
00:19:08,583 --> 00:19:11,667
We waste a lot of
unnecessary time and energy.

366
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:15,000
You men are
the head of your home.

367
00:19:15,042 --> 00:19:17,500
You are the head of your wife,

368
00:19:17,583 --> 00:19:20,417
as Christ is the head
of the church.

369
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,417
It's not a "not."

370
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,500
It's an "is."

371
00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:27,000
So, the question is not,
"Is the man the leader?

372
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:28,625
"Is the man the head?

373
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,000
Is the man responsible?"

374
00:19:30,083 --> 00:19:33,000
The question is, "Is he
doing a good or a bad job?"

375
00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:34,583
That's the only question.

376
00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:37,500
So, my question to you, men,
would be, "How's it going?

377
00:19:37,583 --> 00:19:39,500
"How are you doing?
How are your children?

378
00:19:39,583 --> 00:19:41,125
How is your wife?"

379
00:19:41,167 --> 00:19:43,125
And I'm not just talking
about financial provision,

380
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:44,708
though that is part of it;

381
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,625
but I'm talking about
emotional provision,

382
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:49,625
and spiritual provision,
and mental provision,

383
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:54,333
that you are giving yourself so
that they might be nourished

384
00:19:54,375 --> 00:19:57,375
and that they might flourish.

385
00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:59,375
How's it going?

386
00:19:59,458 --> 00:20:02,500
And we waste so much time
and energy in our day,

387
00:20:02,583 --> 00:20:07,417
churches debating, arguing,
Christians debating, arguing.

388
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,917
"Well, should the man be
the head of the wife?"

389
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,500
He what?
He what?

390
00:20:12,542 --> 00:20:15,500
He is!
He is!

391
00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:19,333
And so we will continually at
Mars Hill Church hold you men

392
00:20:19,375 --> 00:20:21,500
to a high standard.

393
00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:24,500
And when your wife
is not flourishing,

394
00:20:24,583 --> 00:20:27,375
or your children
are not flourishing,

395
00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:31,000
we will ask the same question
that God asked our first father,

396
00:20:31,083 --> 00:20:33,292
"Where are you?

397
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:36,500
Where are you?"

398
00:20:36,542 --> 00:20:41,333
And what we will want you to
do is take responsibility.

399
00:20:41,375 --> 00:20:45,833
The essence of masculinity is
the taking of responsibility.

400
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:48,125
It doesn't matter how
much beer you can drink,

401
00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:51,500
or how much meat you can eat,
or how loud you can belch.

402
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,208
That does not make you a man.

403
00:20:53,292 --> 00:20:54,708
A monkey can do that.

404
00:20:54,792 --> 00:20:57,167
A gorilla can do it
even better than you.

405
00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:59,083
That doesn't make you a man.

406
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:02,500
We live in a day where
masculinity is defined by

407
00:21:02,583 --> 00:21:06,000
some sort of ridiculous
machismo.

408
00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:10,125
Ultimately, masculinity is
about taking responsibility.

409
00:21:10,167 --> 00:21:11,833
You may not be big.

410
00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:13,292
You may not be tough.

411
00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:15,833
You may not be able to win
a thumb-wrestling match,

412
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,708
let alone a cage fight.

413
00:21:17,792 --> 00:21:21,833
But if you take responsibility,
you are a good head,

414
00:21:21,875 --> 00:21:25,208
and you are a masculine man.

415
00:21:25,292 --> 00:21:29,417
I need you men to hear that,
because there are guys right now

416
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:33,083
who drive trucks, shoot
guns, and beat women.

417
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:35,167
That's not a man.

418
00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:38,417
There are other men
who drive hybrids.

419
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:40,000
God bless you.

420
00:21:40,042 --> 00:21:43,833
We'll pray for you.

421
00:21:43,875 --> 00:21:48,708
These men don't shoot guns,

422
00:21:48,792 --> 00:21:51,208
but they love their wives,

423
00:21:51,292 --> 00:21:54,500
and they love their children,
and they take responsibility,

424
00:21:54,583 --> 00:21:57,875
and as a result, people under
their leadership are blessed,

425
00:21:57,958 --> 00:22:00,583
flourish, and see
Jesus Christ in them.

426
00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:02,292
Those are men.

427
00:22:02,333 --> 00:22:04,500
Those are men.

428
00:22:04,542 --> 00:22:06,917
And this is what Jesus
did for us, okay?

429
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,208
Here's what Jesus
does for the church.

430
00:22:09,292 --> 00:22:10,917
This is, this is the gospel.

431
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,500
This is the good news.

432
00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:14,000
This is amazing!

433
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:17,417
God comes to the earth,
as the man Jesus Christ.

434
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:22,333
God becomes a man, and he lives
a life without any sin,

435
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:25,708
no sin!

436
00:22:25,792 --> 00:22:29,833
And he goes to the cross,
and he dies!

437
00:22:29,875 --> 00:22:31,625
Why?

438
00:22:31,667 --> 00:22:33,500
Why did he die?

439
00:22:33,542 --> 00:22:36,208
The Bible says it this way,
over, and over, and over,

440
00:22:36,292 --> 00:22:41,167
and over: "for our sins."

441
00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:45,000
See, the wage for sin is death.

442
00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:46,583
We all should die.

443
00:22:46,667 --> 00:22:49,500
Instead, it's Jesus
who suffers death.

444
00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:51,208
What does this mean?

445
00:22:51,292 --> 00:22:54,167
Jesus took that which
was not his fault,

446
00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:57,833
and he made it his
responsibility.

447
00:22:57,875 --> 00:23:00,583
That's why Jesus--
he's the God-man,

448
00:23:00,667 --> 00:23:04,583
he's the perfect man.

449
00:23:04,667 --> 00:23:10,417
Is it my fault that I sin, or
is it Jesus' fault that I sin?

450
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:12,083
It's my fault.

451
00:23:12,167 --> 00:23:13,833
I can't look at
Jesus and say,

452
00:23:13,875 --> 00:23:18,333
"Well, look what you
made me do."

453
00:23:18,375 --> 00:23:21,833
And Jesus goes to the cross,
and he substitutes himself

454
00:23:21,875 --> 00:23:24,292
in my place for my sins.

455
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:29,000
And what he's doing, he's
taking responsibility for me.

456
00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:33,417
So, it's my fault, but
his responsibility.

457
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:36,333
That's what Jesus
does for the church,

458
00:23:36,375 --> 00:23:40,167
and so that's what husbands are
supposed to do for their wives.

459
00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:44,333
That's what fathers are supposed
to do for their children,

460
00:23:44,375 --> 00:23:48,833
not in a saving way,
but in a serving way.

461
00:23:48,875 --> 00:23:51,417
So, men, let me tell you what
your responsibilities are,

462
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:56,000
and these apply,
as well, to the ladies.

463
00:23:56,042 --> 00:23:58,083
I'll give you
four responsibilities.

464
00:23:58,167 --> 00:24:01,208
Number one, your first
responsibility, Christian:

465
00:24:01,292 --> 00:24:06,500
repent of sin; trust in Jesus'
death, burial, and resurrection;

466
00:24:06,542 --> 00:24:09,000
read your Bible;
grow in grace; pray;

467
00:24:09,083 --> 00:24:11,333
be involved with God's
people in the church.

468
00:24:11,375 --> 00:24:12,875
Christian, first things first,

469
00:24:12,958 --> 00:24:15,583
your covenant relationship
with God.

470
00:24:15,667 --> 00:24:17,917
If you're here today trying
to fix your marriage,

471
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,833
and you don't know Jesus, that
is not your first priority.

472
00:24:21,875 --> 00:24:26,125
Your first priority is to get
in relationship with Jesus,

473
00:24:26,167 --> 00:24:28,125
and out of that
relationship with him,

474
00:24:28,167 --> 00:24:32,875
he will change you so that
you can be a better spouse.

475
00:24:32,958 --> 00:24:35,000
Your second responsibility
is to your spouse.

476
00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:39,917
That means husbands, your
wife; wives, your husbands.

477
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:44,708
Your next priority, your next
responsibility, your spouse.

478
00:24:44,792 --> 00:24:46,917
And then third, parent.

479
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,375
If God should bless you
with children, loving them,

480
00:24:49,458 --> 00:24:51,417
serving them, raising
them, investing in them,

481
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:53,000
and growing them.

482
00:24:53,042 --> 00:24:54,500
And let me say this.

483
00:24:54,583 --> 00:24:56,833
If you invert these,
you will destroy your children

484
00:24:56,875 --> 00:24:58,625
and your marriage.

485
00:24:58,667 --> 00:25:02,000
For some people,
their children are their god,

486
00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:04,375
meaning their highest priority.

487
00:25:04,458 --> 00:25:06,708
For some,
their spouse is their God,

488
00:25:06,792 --> 00:25:08,417
meaning their highest priority.

489
00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:11,708
And number four, your fourth
responsibility is worker.

490
00:25:11,792 --> 00:25:14,875
This can be your work outside
of the home, vocationally.

491
00:25:14,958 --> 00:25:17,000
You go to work
and pay your bills.

492
00:25:17,042 --> 00:25:19,125
This can be your work at home.

493
00:25:19,167 --> 00:25:23,208
Maybe you're a stay-at-home mom,
and your work is to love

494
00:25:23,292 --> 00:25:26,833
your family and be homeward
in your orientation.

495
00:25:26,875 --> 00:25:28,917
Whatever your
responsibilities are,

496
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:34,833
these must be the order
of your responsibilities.

497
00:25:34,875 --> 00:25:37,833
And what happens is, if at any
point you have an inversion,

498
00:25:37,875 --> 00:25:40,875
then you're not
being responsible.

499
00:25:40,958 --> 00:25:44,417
So, men, as the covenant head,
it is your responsibility before

500
00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:47,667
God to ensure that your life
reflects these priorities,

501
00:25:47,750 --> 00:25:50,583
that your wife's life
reflects these priorities,

502
00:25:50,667 --> 00:25:54,833
that your children's life
reflects these priorities,

503
00:25:54,875 --> 00:25:59,208
which means worker is not
the most important thing

504
00:25:59,292 --> 00:26:01,333
in a man's world.

505
00:26:01,375 --> 00:26:04,125
It tends to be where
a man goes for his identity.

506
00:26:04,167 --> 00:26:06,833
He should go to his first
relationship for his identity.

507
00:26:06,875 --> 00:26:09,000
"I'm made by God.
I'm loved by God.

508
00:26:09,083 --> 00:26:11,167
"I'm given dignity,
value, and worth by God.

509
00:26:11,250 --> 00:26:13,417
"I'm redeemed by God.
I'm a son of God.

510
00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:16,917
"That's my identity,
not my employment.

511
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:21,708
My Creator, he
determines who I am."

512
00:26:21,792 --> 00:26:25,208
And what I see continually
with men, they will say,

513
00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:28,917
"I do take responsibility," but
they may take responsibility

514
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,792
for their job.

515
00:26:30,833 --> 00:26:33,625
They may take responsibility
for their children,

516
00:26:33,667 --> 00:26:37,000
but they may have their
responsibilities out of order,

517
00:26:37,083 --> 00:26:39,167
to where covenant relationship
with Jesus and covenant

518
00:26:39,250 --> 00:26:42,333
relationship with their wife
are not, practically speaking,

519
00:26:42,375 --> 00:26:45,292
by looking at their schedule,
their emotional energy,

520
00:26:45,333 --> 00:26:47,625
their output and investment,
the highest priorities

521
00:26:47,667 --> 00:26:49,583
in their life.

522
00:26:49,667 --> 00:26:52,917
And if you're that
man, and you're in sin,

523
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,417
and you have not taken
responsibility

524
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:56,917
for the well-being of your wife,

525
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,000
you've not taken responsibility
for the well-being

526
00:26:59,042 --> 00:27:01,375
of your children, because you
have an inversion

527
00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:04,833
in your priorities,
I want you, right now,

528
00:27:04,875 --> 00:27:07,625
to hold your wife's hand
as an act of repentance,

529
00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:11,333
telling her you're hearing
this sermon, and you're sorry,

530
00:27:11,375 --> 00:27:15,917
and you promise to follow up
and talk to her about this.

531
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:20,625
What happens then is men who
shirk their responsibilities,

532
00:27:20,667 --> 00:27:22,833
they push them off on other men.

533
00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:24,333
"Oh, my wife's hurting.

534
00:27:24,375 --> 00:27:26,708
I'll go find a good
women's ministry for her."

535
00:27:26,792 --> 00:27:28,500
What about you?

536
00:27:28,542 --> 00:27:30,125
Where are you?

537
00:27:30,167 --> 00:27:31,500
Your children aren't doing well.

538
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:33,500
"Well, we'd better hire
a good youth pastor.

539
00:27:33,583 --> 00:27:34,917
He'd better fix it."

540
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,333
Where are you?

541
00:27:36,375 --> 00:27:38,917
"Oh, my kids, well, we'll
just find a good school,

542
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,333
and they'll fix them."

543
00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:42,500
Where are you?

544
00:27:42,542 --> 00:27:43,875
"Well, that's okay.

545
00:27:43,958 --> 00:27:46,625
The police will come pick
them up, put them in jail."

546
00:27:46,667 --> 00:27:48,000
Where are you?

547
00:27:48,083 --> 00:27:49,875
Because that's where it goes.

548
00:27:49,958 --> 00:27:53,125
We've even got a world now where
40% of kids in our nation

549
00:27:53,167 --> 00:27:54,833
go to bed without a dad.

550
00:27:54,875 --> 00:27:59,333
In certain ethnic communities,
it's 70%, 80%, 90%.

551
00:27:59,375 --> 00:28:03,792
Push the responsibilities off to
the women and to the children,

552
00:28:03,833 --> 00:28:07,500
to the schools, to the state.

553
00:28:07,583 --> 00:28:10,417
"Somebody else should
feed my kids breakfast.

554
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:12,917
"Somebody else should
educate my kids.

555
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,333
"Somebody else should
lead my kids to Christ.

556
00:28:15,375 --> 00:28:17,417
"Somebody else should
comfort my wife.

557
00:28:17,500 --> 00:28:19,500
Somebody else should
disciple my wife."

558
00:28:19,583 --> 00:28:20,917
Let me say this.

559
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,417
There's nothing
wrong with programs,

560
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:25,667
particularly in the church,
for children and women,

561
00:28:25,750 --> 00:28:29,000
but those should be primarily
for those who do not yet have

562
00:28:29,042 --> 00:28:31,583
a Christian husband or father,

563
00:28:31,667 --> 00:28:35,375
and it should be supplemental
for those who do!

564
00:28:35,458 --> 00:28:39,417
Ephesians 6, "Fathers, train
your children in the admonition

565
00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:41,125
of the Lord."

566
00:28:41,167 --> 00:28:45,333
1 Corinthians, Paul says,
I believe it's in chapter 14,

567
00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:49,500
if any women have a Bible
question, where should they go?

568
00:28:49,583 --> 00:28:54,083
Go ask your husband,
and he should know,

569
00:28:54,167 --> 00:28:57,500
but if he doesn't know,
he should go find out,

570
00:28:57,583 --> 00:28:59,708
and he should take it
upon himself to say,

571
00:28:59,792 --> 00:29:02,875
"It's my responsibility to be
the pastor of this little flock

572
00:29:02,958 --> 00:29:06,333
called home and family."

573
00:29:06,375 --> 00:29:10,625
And, men, I tell you this not
as a duty, but as a delight.

574
00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:13,000
You want your kids
to come to you.

575
00:29:13,042 --> 00:29:14,917
You want your wife
to come to you.

576
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,917
If they need prayer,
if they need help,

577
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,917
if they need encouragement,
if they've sinned,

578
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,708
if they've been sinned against,
you should always be telling

579
00:29:21,792 --> 00:29:27,292
them, "I love you like Christ
loves me, and he sent me here,

580
00:29:27,333 --> 00:29:31,500
and I'm here for you
with the love of Christ."

581
00:29:31,583 --> 00:29:35,208
And you young men,
you single men,

582
00:29:35,292 --> 00:29:39,167
there is a culture that causes
you not to think covenantally

583
00:29:39,250 --> 00:29:42,000
or to prepare covenantally.

584
00:29:42,083 --> 00:29:44,625
There's a culture that wants you
to extend your adolescence

585
00:29:44,667 --> 00:29:49,792
as long as possible,
to take advantage of women,

586
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:55,708
to be into pornography
and not marriage,

587
00:29:55,792 --> 00:29:59,333
to be a guy who wants to just
abdicate his responsibilities,

588
00:29:59,375 --> 00:30:01,917
oftentimes pushing
them off to his mother.

589
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,500
"Hey, Mom, can I borrow money?

590
00:30:03,542 --> 00:30:05,833
"Hey, Mom, can I move
back in the house?

591
00:30:05,875 --> 00:30:07,833
Hey, Mom, could I
drive your car?"

592
00:30:07,875 --> 00:30:10,500
When you're 16, it's cute.
When you're 26, it's annoying.

593
00:30:10,583 --> 00:30:12,792
When you're 36,
it's humiliating.

594
00:30:12,833 --> 00:30:17,500
When you're 46, you should
punch yourself in the face.

595
00:30:20,667 --> 00:30:22,917
And then your mom
finally gets sick of you,

596
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,333
and you find some gal who's
willing to take you in.

597
00:30:26,375 --> 00:30:28,500
"Hey, can I stay with you?

598
00:30:28,542 --> 00:30:31,000
"Hey, do you have a good job?

599
00:30:31,083 --> 00:30:34,125
"Hey, do you have
no discernment?

600
00:30:34,167 --> 00:30:38,292
Great, I've been
waiting to meet you."

601
00:30:41,167 --> 00:30:45,167
You men need to repent of
a whole culture of adolescence

602
00:30:45,250 --> 00:30:48,167
that says, "I don't take
responsibility for myself."

603
00:30:48,250 --> 00:30:49,625
First things first.

604
00:30:49,667 --> 00:30:53,583
Take responsibility for yourself
financially, spiritually,

605
00:30:53,667 --> 00:30:55,167
totally.

606
00:30:55,250 --> 00:30:56,583
Then get married.

607
00:30:56,667 --> 00:31:00,125
Take responsibility for
the well-being of that woman.

608
00:31:00,167 --> 00:31:01,792
Then have children.

609
00:31:01,833 --> 00:31:05,000
Take responsibility for the
well-being of those children.

610
00:31:05,042 --> 00:31:06,500
And as you work your job,

611
00:31:06,583 --> 00:31:09,667
take responsibility for
the well-being of your company,

612
00:31:09,750 --> 00:31:11,500
so that you might
serve it well,

613
00:31:11,583 --> 00:31:13,417
that it might provide
what is needed

614
00:31:13,500 --> 00:31:16,417
for the life of your family.

615
00:31:16,500 --> 00:31:18,875
What this means,
men, quite frankly,

616
00:31:18,958 --> 00:31:21,500
you're not going to have
a lot of time for hobbies.

617
00:31:21,583 --> 00:31:24,833
Some guys are like,
"What about hang gliding?"

618
00:31:24,875 --> 00:31:26,208
Serious?

619
00:31:26,292 --> 00:31:27,917
"What about golfing?
What about fishing?

620
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,500
"What about hunting?

621
00:31:29,542 --> 00:31:32,000
What about all my toys
and all my hobbies?"

622
00:31:32,083 --> 00:31:33,417
Here's the bottom line.

623
00:31:33,500 --> 00:31:36,000
If you make your
priorities your priorities,

624
00:31:36,083 --> 00:31:37,917
if you make your
responsibilities

625
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,708
your responsibilities, it's
not a sin to have hobbies,

626
00:31:40,792 --> 00:31:43,833
but you may not
have time for them,

627
00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:46,000
or you might need to find things
that include

628
00:31:46,083 --> 00:31:48,083
your wife and children.

629
00:31:48,167 --> 00:31:52,333
Your 6-month-old probably
not into rock climbing, right?

630
00:31:52,375 --> 00:31:56,500
Your 6-year-old daughter
probably not into hunting.

631
00:31:56,583 --> 00:32:00,208
You may need to find
something else to do,

632
00:32:00,292 --> 00:32:03,000
so that your priorities
can be your priorities,

633
00:32:03,083 --> 00:32:06,333
and your responsibilities
can be your responsibilities.

634
00:32:06,375 --> 00:32:08,875
Don't try and make your
responsibilities fit

635
00:32:08,958 --> 00:32:10,917
around your hobbies.

636
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,625
Let your responsibilities
be your first priorities.

637
00:32:13,667 --> 00:32:15,708
Now, I want to
say this, as well.

638
00:32:15,792 --> 00:32:18,000
When it comes to
men, as I teach this,

639
00:32:18,083 --> 00:32:19,500
it always gets misunderstood.

640
00:32:19,542 --> 00:32:21,625
Every, I think, media
interview I've ever done,

641
00:32:21,667 --> 00:32:24,167
I get whacked like
a piñata on this issue.

642
00:32:24,250 --> 00:32:26,625
"Oh, Mark's a chauvinist.
He's a misogynist."

643
00:32:26,667 --> 00:32:28,917
I don't even know how
to give a massage.

644
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,792
And all these horrible
things get said about me.

645
00:32:31,833 --> 00:32:33,500
I'm not a massage therapist.

646
00:32:33,542 --> 00:32:37,833
And what happens is that it
gets completely misinterpreted

647
00:32:37,875 --> 00:32:40,125
because outside of
biblical thinking,

648
00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:43,625
the culture has no categories
for what the Bible teaches.

649
00:32:43,667 --> 00:32:45,625
So, let me say this for men.

650
00:32:45,667 --> 00:32:50,000
The essence of masculinity
is to be like Jesus Christ.

651
00:32:50,042 --> 00:32:53,083
Jesus is the perfect man,
and this means, and I've said

652
00:32:53,167 --> 00:32:55,917
it before, I'll say it
again, it's to be both

653
00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:00,083
simultaneously tough and tender.

654
00:33:00,167 --> 00:33:03,000
To be a real man, you've
got to be tough and tender,

655
00:33:03,042 --> 00:33:04,375
as Jesus was.

656
00:33:04,458 --> 00:33:05,792
Let me ask you this.

657
00:33:05,833 --> 00:33:07,792
When you think through
the life of Jesus,

658
00:33:07,833 --> 00:33:10,083
can you think of times
that he was tough?

659
00:33:10,167 --> 00:33:11,500
Yeah.

660
00:33:11,542 --> 00:33:13,000
Religious blockheads, he's
getting into arguments.

661
00:33:13,042 --> 00:33:14,375
He's holding his ground.

662
00:33:14,458 --> 00:33:15,792
He's being arrested.

663
00:33:15,833 --> 00:33:17,333
He tells the truth on trial.

664
00:33:17,375 --> 00:33:19,792
He gets crucified.

665
00:33:19,833 --> 00:33:23,125
Pretty tough, pretty tough.

666
00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:27,833
Can you think of times when
Jesus was really tender?

667
00:33:27,875 --> 00:33:30,333
He's sweet.

668
00:33:30,375 --> 00:33:33,833
A woman's been bleeding for
years, and he heals her.

669
00:33:33,875 --> 00:33:38,000
Little children come
and sing and dance around him,

670
00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:41,625
and he welcomes them,
super tender.

671
00:33:41,667 --> 00:33:43,500
I'll ask you a question.

672
00:33:43,542 --> 00:33:47,708
Is it masculine for a man
to go ice skating

673
00:33:47,792 --> 00:33:50,500
and watch the play "Cinderella"?

674
00:33:50,542 --> 00:33:53,125
Yes or no?

675
00:33:53,167 --> 00:33:56,625
It all depends, doesn't it?

676
00:33:56,667 --> 00:33:58,583
Context is everything.

677
00:33:58,667 --> 00:34:01,125
If it's guys that I know,
"Hey, what's up, bro?

678
00:34:01,167 --> 00:34:02,625
What are you doing?"

679
00:34:02,667 --> 00:34:04,000
"I don't know.

680
00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:05,875
"I was thinking cage fighting,
chicken wings,

681
00:34:05,958 --> 00:34:08,375
"or Hank wants to go ice
skating and watch 'Cinderella.'

682
00:34:08,458 --> 00:34:09,792
"And me and the guys,

683
00:34:09,833 --> 00:34:12,292
"we were talking about
it down at the job site,

684
00:34:12,333 --> 00:34:14,292
"and we were thinking
that would be incredible.

685
00:34:14,333 --> 00:34:16,708
"We could ice skating
and work on our moves,

686
00:34:16,792 --> 00:34:19,083
"and then we could go watch
'Cinderella'

687
00:34:19,167 --> 00:34:21,583
"and go drink green tea
and talk about our feelings.

688
00:34:21,667 --> 00:34:23,208
That would be fantastic."

689
00:34:23,292 --> 00:34:25,833
Not super manly--but
let me say this.

690
00:34:25,875 --> 00:34:28,000
That's what I did recently.

691
00:34:28,042 --> 00:34:29,583
Now, not exactly like that.

692
00:34:29,667 --> 00:34:32,833
Let me explain what happened.

693
00:34:32,875 --> 00:34:35,500
Every year, one of my
traditions with my daughters,

694
00:34:35,583 --> 00:34:40,917
as I prepare them to one day
be married, is I want to,

695
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:45,500
after the Lord Jesus, be
the biggest man in their life.

696
00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:48,417
And then when another man
comes along that Jesus, and I,

697
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:50,417
and their mom,
and they all agree on,

698
00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:53,417
then we'll talk
about what's next.

699
00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:55,208
So, I take my daughters out

700
00:34:55,292 --> 00:34:57,208
and we spend time together,
but every Christmas,

701
00:34:57,292 --> 00:34:58,708
it's kind of a big tradition.

702
00:34:58,792 --> 00:35:01,292
They get all dressed up.
I get all dressed up.

703
00:35:01,333 --> 00:35:02,667
We get our photo taken,

704
00:35:02,750 --> 00:35:04,875
and we go out for
a daddy Christmas date.

705
00:35:04,958 --> 00:35:06,875
So, my 8-year-old daughter,
Alexie, I asked her,

706
00:35:06,958 --> 00:35:09,375
"What do you want to do
this year, sweetie pie?"

707
00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:11,375
She's like,
"I want to go ice skating.

708
00:35:11,458 --> 00:35:14,125
I want to go out to a nice,
fancy candlelight dinner."

709
00:35:14,167 --> 00:35:15,833
She loves going to
the Space Needle.

710
00:35:15,875 --> 00:35:18,625
"And then I want to go
watch the play, 'Cinderella.'"

711
00:35:18,667 --> 00:35:21,625
So, that's what I did.

712
00:35:21,667 --> 00:35:23,500
I went ice skating.

713
00:35:23,583 --> 00:35:25,208
I'll just say this publicly.

714
00:35:25,292 --> 00:35:26,625
If preaching doesn't work out,

715
00:35:26,667 --> 00:35:29,625
that's not a backup
vocational plan for me.

716
00:35:29,667 --> 00:35:33,417
I'm no good at it.

717
00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:35,417
But I loved ice skating
with my daughter.

718
00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:37,833
I held her hand.

719
00:35:37,875 --> 00:35:40,125
We got to ice skate.

720
00:35:40,167 --> 00:35:43,333
We went out to dinner, and
I got to pull her chair out,

721
00:35:43,375 --> 00:35:45,500
and seat her, and by
candlelight visit with her.

722
00:35:45,583 --> 00:35:47,833
I started crying over dinner.

723
00:35:47,875 --> 00:35:54,083
I looked at my little girl,
and she's just smiling at me.

724
00:35:54,167 --> 00:35:55,500
She looked at me.

725
00:35:55,542 --> 00:35:57,000
She started talking to me.

726
00:35:57,042 --> 00:35:58,375
"Daddy, I love you.

727
00:35:58,458 --> 00:36:00,625
I'm so glad that I have
a Christian daddy."

728
00:36:00,667 --> 00:36:03,583
I started crying.

729
00:36:03,667 --> 00:36:05,625
We prayed together.

730
00:36:05,667 --> 00:36:08,333
I held her hand.

731
00:36:08,375 --> 00:36:13,917
We went and got in the car
and went to the play, walk in.

732
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,000
I said,
"Honey, here's your seat."

733
00:36:16,042 --> 00:36:18,083
She said, "No, here's my seat."

734
00:36:18,167 --> 00:36:21,708
She sat on my lap for 2 hours.

735
00:36:21,792 --> 00:36:26,208
She watched Cinderella;
I watched her.

736
00:36:26,292 --> 00:36:31,333
She was leaning forward smiling,
mesmerized the whole time.

737
00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:34,208
I love being tender
with my kids.

738
00:36:34,292 --> 00:36:36,000
I hug, I kiss.

739
00:36:36,083 --> 00:36:39,000
I'm a super ridiculously
affectionate dad.

740
00:36:39,083 --> 00:36:41,875
I'm that guy.

741
00:36:41,958 --> 00:36:45,917
But I can also be really
tough for my family,

742
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:50,208
and I can be really
tender with my family.

743
00:36:50,292 --> 00:36:53,917
So, here are some practical
helps for covenant heads,

744
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,083
because you guys
need something to do.

745
00:36:56,167 --> 00:36:57,625
You need it real practical.

746
00:36:57,667 --> 00:37:02,167
What we don't need is another
generation of nerds that have

747
00:37:02,250 --> 00:37:07,125
a theology of marriage
and a wife who's unloved!

748
00:37:07,167 --> 00:37:11,292
I've met men who have
written books on marriage,

749
00:37:11,333 --> 00:37:14,667
and their wife is
not flourishing,

750
00:37:14,750 --> 00:37:18,792
and they are not friends,
and it's not going well!

751
00:37:18,833 --> 00:37:22,333
And I've not met
one, I've met many!

752
00:37:22,375 --> 00:37:26,125
What we don't need, men, is
just a theology of marriage.

753
00:37:26,167 --> 00:37:29,417
We need a theology of marriage
that leads to a biography

754
00:37:29,500 --> 00:37:31,500
in marriage.

755
00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:34,333
So, I'm going to give you
guys some things to do.

756
00:37:34,375 --> 00:37:37,375
And for you nerds, for you guys
who read all the footnotes

757
00:37:37,458 --> 00:37:40,125
and think, "Well, I know what
'kephale' means in the Greek."

758
00:37:40,167 --> 00:37:44,917
Yeah, if your wife is not
smiling, you're a hypocrite.

759
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,792
I get angry.
I'm a little tough.

760
00:37:46,833 --> 00:37:48,333
I'll be tender again right now.

761
00:37:48,375 --> 00:37:53,500
So, here are some things you
can do to make a big difference.

762
00:37:53,583 --> 00:37:56,833
Number one, get involved
in a good church,

763
00:37:56,875 --> 00:37:59,500
because in a church, you're
going to get teaching.

764
00:37:59,542 --> 00:38:01,417
You're going to get modeling.

765
00:38:01,500 --> 00:38:03,333
You're going to build
friendships and community.

766
00:38:03,375 --> 00:38:05,417
You're going to get to
know other families.

767
00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:07,625
You're going to
see how they do it,

768
00:38:07,667 --> 00:38:10,500
and they're going to help you
to become more like Jesus

769
00:38:10,583 --> 00:38:13,000
to your wife and children.

770
00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:15,083
Men should pick the church.

771
00:38:15,167 --> 00:38:17,333
Husbands, fathers
should pick the church!

772
00:38:17,375 --> 00:38:19,000
Too often, the wife
picks the church.

773
00:38:19,083 --> 00:38:20,625
She says, "Great
women's ministry,

774
00:38:20,667 --> 00:38:22,000
great children's ministry."

775
00:38:22,083 --> 00:38:24,708
Guy walks in and says,
"Doesn't really work for me."

776
00:38:24,792 --> 00:38:27,417
Because the number one reason
a man chooses a church

777
00:38:27,500 --> 00:38:30,333
is he looks at the senior leader
or leaders and says,

778
00:38:30,375 --> 00:38:32,208
"I'll follow him."

779
00:38:32,292 --> 00:38:36,333
Most guys make their
decision in the first minute.

780
00:38:36,375 --> 00:38:39,000
They think, "He's tender,
but that's not the guy

781
00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:42,708
I want to be."

782
00:38:42,792 --> 00:38:46,125
You men choose the church,
and you women, yes,

783
00:38:46,167 --> 00:38:47,917
it's fine to have
women's programs.

784
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,417
It's fine to have
children's programs.

785
00:38:49,500 --> 00:38:51,167
But do you know
what's even better?

786
00:38:51,250 --> 00:38:54,000
A really godly husband who's
fired up about Jesus

787
00:38:54,083 --> 00:38:57,583
and takes responsibility
for you and the kids.

788
00:38:57,667 --> 00:39:00,125
It's far better to go to
a church that he's

789
00:39:00,167 --> 00:39:02,500
excited about,
and you're less excited about,

790
00:39:02,583 --> 00:39:04,917
than to try to drag him
to a church

791
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,375
that you're excited about,
and he's less excited about,

792
00:39:07,458 --> 00:39:12,500
because every time
he'll choose football.

793
00:39:12,583 --> 00:39:16,375
So, men, get involved
in a good church.

794
00:39:16,458 --> 00:39:18,000
Let me ask you this question.

795
00:39:18,083 --> 00:39:20,500
Which church are
you a member of?

796
00:39:20,583 --> 00:39:22,500
Where are you involved?

797
00:39:22,583 --> 00:39:24,000
Where are you in community?

798
00:39:24,083 --> 00:39:25,625
Where are you serving?

799
00:39:25,667 --> 00:39:27,208
What's your community group?

800
00:39:27,292 --> 00:39:28,792
Who are your family friends?

801
00:39:28,833 --> 00:39:31,625
Who are you encouraging your
wife to build friendship with

802
00:39:31,667 --> 00:39:33,333
and your children
to get to know,

803
00:39:33,375 --> 00:39:35,500
and letting them see
other family systems,

804
00:39:35,542 --> 00:39:38,625
so that your family
might grow in godliness?

805
00:39:38,667 --> 00:39:41,667
Are you helping get the kids
up and take them to whatever

806
00:39:41,750 --> 00:39:46,000
service or class that there
is, or are you hoping your wife

807
00:39:46,083 --> 00:39:50,000
forgot it's Sunday again?

808
00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:52,500
Number two, agree on
what the Bible says.

809
00:39:52,583 --> 00:39:54,667
Do you want to have
a brutal marriage?

810
00:39:54,750 --> 00:39:56,875
Marry someone--you, who are
single, hear me on this.

811
00:39:56,958 --> 00:39:59,625
Statistically, if you
are of one religion,

812
00:39:59,667 --> 00:40:02,125
and you marry someone who
doesn't hold to that religion,

813
00:40:02,167 --> 00:40:08,000
your odds of divorce go up 120%.

814
00:40:08,042 --> 00:40:10,083
A brutal marriage,

815
00:40:10,167 --> 00:40:12,500
somebody's a Christian
and the other person is

816
00:40:12,542 --> 00:40:17,333
atheist, agnostic,
Buddhist, Jewish, whatever.

817
00:40:17,375 --> 00:40:20,833
A bad marriage is where
you have the same religion,

818
00:40:20,875 --> 00:40:23,083
but you have different
theological beliefs,

819
00:40:23,167 --> 00:40:26,667
and you want to go to
different churches.

820
00:40:26,750 --> 00:40:28,875
Those marriages are
significantly higher

821
00:40:28,958 --> 00:40:30,833
to end in divorce.

822
00:40:30,875 --> 00:40:33,000
So, it's not just enough
to marry a Christian.

823
00:40:33,083 --> 00:40:38,125
You've got to marry
a Christian who agrees with you.

824
00:40:38,167 --> 00:40:41,625
The best marriages, least
likely to lead to divorce,

825
00:40:41,667 --> 00:40:44,208
highest rates of joy
for husbands and wives,

826
00:40:44,292 --> 00:40:48,625
among all categories, he's
a Christian, she's a Christian.

827
00:40:48,667 --> 00:40:51,375
They agree theologically
in their beliefs,

828
00:40:51,458 --> 00:40:53,625
and they both want
to attend the same church.

829
00:40:53,667 --> 00:40:57,000
They're the happiest of all.

830
00:40:57,042 --> 00:41:00,083
This means you need to
agree on primary issues:

831
00:41:00,167 --> 00:41:02,333
that the Bible is
God's perfect Word,

832
00:41:02,375 --> 00:41:04,833
that Jesus is God's perfect Son,

833
00:41:04,875 --> 00:41:08,917
that the cross is
their perfect plan,

834
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,708
But it also means you need
to agree on secondary issues.

835
00:41:11,792 --> 00:41:16,625
Secondary issues may be
acceptable insofar as you being

836
00:41:16,667 --> 00:41:19,208
a Christian, but they will
lead to real problems

837
00:41:19,292 --> 00:41:21,208
in your marriage.

838
00:41:21,292 --> 00:41:23,917
Because if she says,
"I want to go to a church

839
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,333
where there's a woman preacher,"

840
00:41:25,375 --> 00:41:27,500
and he doesn't,
that's going to be an issue,

841
00:41:27,583 --> 00:41:29,708
because it means that they
both view the Bible

842
00:41:29,792 --> 00:41:33,792
completely differently.

843
00:41:33,833 --> 00:41:36,625
If she says, "I want to
be Catholic," and he says,

844
00:41:36,667 --> 00:41:38,292
"I want to be Protestant,"

845
00:41:38,333 --> 00:41:42,125
that's going to be
very difficult.

846
00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:47,000
If he says, "I want to go to
a church where the men lead,"

847
00:41:47,083 --> 00:41:49,500
and she says,
"I can't leave that church,

848
00:41:49,542 --> 00:41:51,333
"because that
women's Bible study

849
00:41:51,375 --> 00:41:53,917
is the most important thing
in the world to me,"

850
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,583
they've got a problem.

851
00:41:56,667 --> 00:42:00,417
You have to agree on
what the Bible says.

852
00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:02,500
Are you going to
have children or not?

853
00:42:02,583 --> 00:42:04,083
The Bible says
they're a blessing.

854
00:42:04,167 --> 00:42:06,583
Who's going to go to
work and pay the bills?

855
00:42:06,667 --> 00:42:10,000
Him or her, or him and her,
or like 1% or less of men,

856
00:42:10,083 --> 00:42:13,125
is he going to stay home
as the stay-at-home dad?

857
00:42:13,167 --> 00:42:14,708
All of this is theological.

858
00:42:14,792 --> 00:42:16,125
It's not just cultural.

859
00:42:16,167 --> 00:42:17,500
It's not just practical.

860
00:42:17,583 --> 00:42:20,917
It's deep down
in the roots biblical.

861
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,167
You need to agree on
what the Bible says.

862
00:42:23,250 --> 00:42:26,500
So, my next question to you
is, "What do you not agree on?"

863
00:42:26,583 --> 00:42:29,500
Because if you don't even
agree as to what God says,

864
00:42:29,583 --> 00:42:34,917
you'll be fighting with one
another, not for one another.

865
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,583
Number three,
worship at home together.

866
00:42:38,667 --> 00:42:41,000
Men, lead by example.

867
00:42:41,083 --> 00:42:42,708
Pray in front of your family.

868
00:42:42,792 --> 00:42:44,917
Some of you say,
"I don't know how to."

869
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,500
Then pray bad.

870
00:42:47,542 --> 00:42:50,125
Be honest.

871
00:42:50,167 --> 00:42:51,833
Have a Bible.
Open it up.

872
00:42:51,875 --> 00:42:53,792
Let them see dad open the Bible

873
00:42:53,833 --> 00:42:55,833
and submitting
to the Word of God.

874
00:42:55,875 --> 00:42:57,208
Sit under preaching.

875
00:42:57,292 --> 00:42:59,208
Sit under teaching
as an act of worship,

876
00:42:59,292 --> 00:43:02,917
so that you can be in
authority and under authority.

877
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,125
Some of you guys
love to be in authority,

878
00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:08,167
but you chafe
being under authority.

879
00:43:08,250 --> 00:43:13,000
This means, as well, buy
good books for everybody

880
00:43:13,083 --> 00:43:14,917
in your family.

881
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:16,417
Buy books for your wife.

882
00:43:16,500 --> 00:43:18,375
Buy books for your kids.

883
00:43:18,458 --> 00:43:20,000
Put good literature
in their hand.

884
00:43:20,042 --> 00:43:22,792
Encourage them to read,
to bring you their questions

885
00:43:22,833 --> 00:43:24,583
and discuss with them.

886
00:43:24,667 --> 00:43:27,500
Read books or chapters of
the Bible during the week,

887
00:43:27,583 --> 00:43:30,500
and have your wife do the same,
and spend your date night

888
00:43:30,583 --> 00:43:32,625
talking about what
you're learning.

889
00:43:32,667 --> 00:43:35,833
If you don't know what books to
buy, I've put together a list,

890
00:43:35,875 --> 00:43:38,333
so did Grace and so did
our kids, at PastorMark.tv.

891
00:43:38,375 --> 00:43:41,000
If you just click on "books,"
there's a whole section there

892
00:43:41,083 --> 00:43:42,792
of recommended reading.

893
00:43:42,833 --> 00:43:45,125
We've got books for men,
and books for women,

894
00:43:45,167 --> 00:43:47,833
and I asked all our kids,
"What are your favorite books?"

895
00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:50,917
And, man, encourage,
encourage your family to read,

896
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:54,083
because leaders are readers,
and we want you to raise

897
00:43:54,167 --> 00:43:57,833
a family of leaders,
so they must be readers.

898
00:43:57,875 --> 00:43:59,708
A couple of other things.

899
00:43:59,792 --> 00:44:01,208
Redeem your commute.

900
00:44:01,292 --> 00:44:03,083
You can download
sermons, lectures,

901
00:44:03,167 --> 00:44:05,625
whole seminary courses from,
like, Covenant Seminary,

902
00:44:05,667 --> 00:44:07,208
Reformed Theological Seminary.

903
00:44:07,292 --> 00:44:08,792
They're free online.

904
00:44:08,833 --> 00:44:11,000
So, men, redeem your commute.

905
00:44:11,083 --> 00:44:13,833
Go to seminary for
free in your car.

906
00:44:13,875 --> 00:44:15,917
It beats talk radio.

907
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,000
I can assure you of that.

908
00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:20,917
Spend time having dinner
together most nights.

909
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,583
Pray together.

910
00:44:22,667 --> 00:44:24,125
Journal prayer
requests together.

911
00:44:24,167 --> 00:44:25,500
Pray together.

912
00:44:25,583 --> 00:44:28,583
Pray with your kids
every single day.

913
00:44:28,667 --> 00:44:30,000
Pray over them.

914
00:44:30,042 --> 00:44:31,708
Pray with your wife
every single day.

915
00:44:31,792 --> 00:44:33,125
Pray over her.

916
00:44:33,167 --> 00:44:36,625
Grace and I, every night, we
end the day snuggling, praying,

917
00:44:36,667 --> 00:44:42,083
snoring to the glory of God
and the joy of all peoples.

918
00:44:42,167 --> 00:44:44,208
Now, here's the final point.

919
00:44:44,292 --> 00:44:47,708
The husband is the what?

920
00:44:47,792 --> 00:44:49,125
Head.

921
00:44:49,167 --> 00:44:51,625
Who decides whether or not
he's doing a good job?

922
00:44:51,667 --> 00:44:53,375
Most men will say,
"I'm the head.

923
00:44:53,458 --> 00:44:54,792
I decide."

924
00:44:54,833 --> 00:44:56,167
Aha! No.

925
00:44:56,250 --> 00:45:00,667
Ephesians 5:21,
she is the referee!

926
00:45:00,750 --> 00:45:04,375
In that whole section we
read, Ephesians 5:22-33,

927
00:45:04,458 --> 00:45:06,500
it is prefaced with
this statement:

928
00:45:06,542 --> 00:45:09,417
"Submit to one another out
of reverence for Christ."

929
00:45:09,500 --> 00:45:11,500
What this means is, if she says,

930
00:45:11,583 --> 00:45:13,000
"You're not tender enough,"

931
00:45:13,083 --> 00:45:15,875
you're not tender enough.

932
00:45:15,958 --> 00:45:17,917
"You're not investing
in the kids enough."

933
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,000
What that means is you're not
investing in the kids enough.

934
00:45:21,083 --> 00:45:23,292
She is the referee.

935
00:45:23,333 --> 00:45:26,208
So, I'm going to ask
you men to do this.

936
00:45:26,292 --> 00:45:30,417
You can buy one of these
shirts somewhere for your wife,

937
00:45:30,500 --> 00:45:34,500
and it's your way of telling
her, "I believe Ephesians 5:21.

938
00:45:34,583 --> 00:45:40,583
"I am the head of the household,
but you, you're the referee.

939
00:45:40,667 --> 00:45:44,708
"You get to tell me whether or
not I'm succeeding or failing,

940
00:45:44,792 --> 00:45:47,500
whether I'm helping
or hindering."

941
00:45:47,542 --> 00:45:52,500
And let me submit to you,
this is a very cute nightgown.

942
00:45:57,375 --> 00:46:00,333
Right?

943
00:46:02,292 --> 00:46:05,417
I'll stop right there before
I have to fire myself.

944
00:46:05,500 --> 00:46:10,625
Grace, honey, why don't you come
on out, and we'll do some Q&A.

945
00:46:10,667 --> 00:46:15,417
So, I'll bring my wife out.

946
00:46:15,500 --> 00:46:21,167
[applauding]

947
00:46:21,250 --> 00:46:23,000
Would you wear
that as a nightgown?

948
00:46:23,083 --> 00:46:24,875
I don't know.

949
00:46:24,958 --> 00:46:28,292
We don't need
to talk about it.

950
00:46:28,333 --> 00:46:30,292
I wish you would.

951
00:46:30,333 --> 00:46:33,167
That would be very cute.

952
00:46:33,250 --> 00:46:36,500
Why don't you sit over
here, baby, and we'll do Q&A.

953
00:46:36,542 --> 00:46:38,750
Thanks, guys.

954
00:46:40,333 --> 00:46:41,833
Is your mic working?

955
00:46:41,875 --> 00:46:43,333
I think so.

956
00:46:43,375 --> 00:46:45,292
No, I'll do this.

957
00:46:45,333 --> 00:46:46,833
Oh, this one?

958
00:46:46,875 --> 00:46:48,708
Okay.
All right.

959
00:46:48,792 --> 00:46:50,500
You ready to
do some Q&A, baby?

960
00:46:50,583 --> 00:46:51,917
Sure.

961
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,417
Okay, we'll take questions.

962
00:46:53,500 --> 00:46:55,125
I'll read them right
off the screen.

963
00:46:55,167 --> 00:46:56,500
All right, fire away.

964
00:46:56,583 --> 00:47:01,000
"If a friend who professes to be
a Christian is living with his

965
00:47:01,083 --> 00:47:06,000
girlfriend, who also professes
to be a Christian--"

966
00:47:06,083 --> 00:47:08,708
"If I know two vegans
who eat steak--"

967
00:47:08,792 --> 00:47:11,208
I just don't even
understand the question.

968
00:47:11,292 --> 00:47:14,042
How...

969
00:47:20,833 --> 00:47:23,500
"How should we confront
him as a professing brother

970
00:47:23,542 --> 00:47:26,333
in Christ?"

971
00:47:26,375 --> 00:47:29,083
Do you want to take that one?
Why don't you start?

972
00:47:29,167 --> 00:47:31,833
Okay.

973
00:47:31,875 --> 00:47:33,708
Be tough.

974
00:47:33,792 --> 00:47:35,583
You can't come in and be tender.

975
00:47:35,667 --> 00:47:37,625
"Oh, buddy, I hate
to hurt your feelings."

976
00:47:37,667 --> 00:47:39,833
No, you have taken one
of God's daughters,

977
00:47:39,875 --> 00:47:43,625
and you are breaking
covenant with God,

978
00:47:43,667 --> 00:47:47,917
and you are participating
in fornication,

979
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:52,208
and 1 Corinthians says that
fornicators go to hell.

980
00:47:52,292 --> 00:47:55,500
Now, you can be forgiven,
but it's such a big deal,

981
00:47:55,583 --> 00:47:58,000
Jesus died for it.

982
00:47:58,083 --> 00:48:01,167
So, don't turn it into, "Well,
we're married in God's eyes."

983
00:48:01,250 --> 00:48:04,500
God's eyes are flaming red.

984
00:48:04,542 --> 00:48:09,583
He's not even blinking.

985
00:48:09,667 --> 00:48:12,167
And so, yeah,
I mean, this is where--

986
00:48:12,250 --> 00:48:13,833
and you deal with him
separately.

987
00:48:13,875 --> 00:48:15,375
And if you're friends with her,

988
00:48:15,458 --> 00:48:17,583
you send the gals to go meet
with her.

989
00:48:17,667 --> 00:48:19,792
You send the guys
to go meet with him,

990
00:48:19,833 --> 00:48:22,917
and you try in every way to get
in the middle of--if they're

991
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,917
in a church, you get
the leadership involved.

992
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,125
If they have godly family,
you get them involved.

993
00:48:27,167 --> 00:48:30,792
And the truth is that
even, statistically,

994
00:48:30,833 --> 00:48:32,917
those who live together
before they're married,

995
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,417
they have
a higher rate of divorce.

996
00:48:35,500 --> 00:48:37,583
It's because, see, living
together and sleeping together

997
00:48:37,667 --> 00:48:40,625
is not practice for
marriage and covenant.

998
00:48:40,667 --> 00:48:45,500
It's practice for
divorce and contract.

999
00:48:45,542 --> 00:48:47,917
And so if you love them
and you love Jesus,

1000
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:51,708
you've got to tell
them he says no.

1001
00:48:51,792 --> 00:48:53,500
And if they say,
"We don't care,"

1002
00:48:53,583 --> 00:48:55,417
then you'll have to
maybe do evangelism,

1003
00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:58,333
because maybe they're
not Christians.

1004
00:48:58,375 --> 00:49:00,125
That's what I
was going to say.

1005
00:49:00,167 --> 00:49:02,625
I think I would start--
at least with the gal,

1006
00:49:02,667 --> 00:49:04,625
if I was talking to
the gal separately--

1007
00:49:04,667 --> 00:49:07,625
I would start just asking gospel
questions and see if she truly

1008
00:49:07,667 --> 00:49:10,333
knew Jesus or if that was just
something from her upbringing

1009
00:49:10,375 --> 00:49:14,292
or something someone told her to
say, if she really, why she felt

1010
00:49:14,333 --> 00:49:16,875
she was a believer, if
she's going to claim that,

1011
00:49:16,958 --> 00:49:18,792
and just start there.

1012
00:49:18,833 --> 00:49:21,708
And then if you realize that
she doesn't really know

1013
00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:24,625
about the Bible and Jesus,
then you can start to--

1014
00:49:24,667 --> 00:49:26,708
Instruct her.
Move into the evangelism.

1015
00:49:26,792 --> 00:49:29,917
And, ladies, Jesus has to
always be the most important man

1016
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,833
in your life, and your husband

1017
00:49:32,875 --> 00:49:34,708
is the second
most important man,

1018
00:49:34,792 --> 00:49:39,375
but in this occasion, this woman
has put the man above Jesus.

1019
00:49:39,458 --> 00:49:42,500
And it came down to, "I'm
going to obey Jesus or the man.

1020
00:49:42,583 --> 00:49:44,500
"I'm going to serve
Jesus or the man.

1021
00:49:44,583 --> 00:49:47,000
I'm going to draw near
to Jesus or the man."

1022
00:49:47,042 --> 00:49:50,125
And she chose Jesus--
No, she chose the man.

1023
00:49:50,167 --> 00:49:53,833
And that's idolatry, and that
is turning the man into a lord,

1024
00:49:53,875 --> 00:49:56,000
something that's
not fit for him.

1025
00:49:56,083 --> 00:49:59,000
And the body says to offer our
bodies as living sacrifices,

1026
00:49:59,083 --> 00:50:00,917
holy and acceptable
unto the Lord.

1027
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:04,625
So, what we offer our body
to is an act of worship.

1028
00:50:04,667 --> 00:50:08,417
That means that they are pagans,
that their bed is a temple,

1029
00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:13,208
and when they are together, it
is a worship act to a demon god.

1030
00:50:13,292 --> 00:50:16,667
It's not just
an alternative lifestyle.

1031
00:50:16,750 --> 00:50:18,500
It's deep.

1032
00:50:18,583 --> 00:50:20,000
It's deep sin.

1033
00:50:20,083 --> 00:50:21,417
It's deep rebellion.

1034
00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:23,708
And we were sleeping
together before I got saved,

1035
00:50:23,792 --> 00:50:26,500
and you came back to Christ,
and we repented,

1036
00:50:26,542 --> 00:50:28,000
and we stopped
sleeping together,

1037
00:50:28,042 --> 00:50:29,708
and we learned what
the Bible said.

1038
00:50:29,792 --> 00:50:31,125
We got our pastor involved.

1039
00:50:31,167 --> 00:50:33,833
So, if they will do that,
we'll see what God does,

1040
00:50:33,875 --> 00:50:37,000
but the goal can never be, "We
have to save this relationship."

1041
00:50:37,083 --> 00:50:40,500
The goal has to be, "I need
to build that relationship,

1042
00:50:40,583 --> 00:50:44,500
and then we'll see what
happens in this relationship."

1043
00:50:44,542 --> 00:50:46,667
Second one.

1044
00:50:46,750 --> 00:50:49,708
"How can I, as a wife, lovingly
and respectfully encourage

1045
00:50:49,792 --> 00:50:52,500
"my husband to be tough
and tender, as the leader,

1046
00:50:52,583 --> 00:50:55,083
"especially when I struggle
with feeling a need to lead,

1047
00:50:55,167 --> 00:50:58,667
but a conviction not to?"

1048
00:50:58,750 --> 00:51:02,833
Well, this is definitely
something that I've discussed

1049
00:51:02,875 --> 00:51:05,333
with a lot of people.

1050
00:51:05,375 --> 00:51:07,625
Mark and I have had
more the learning,

1051
00:51:07,667 --> 00:51:11,333
as he talked about tonight,
learning to be tender piece,

1052
00:51:11,375 --> 00:51:13,875
and he's always loved
me and the kids,

1053
00:51:13,958 --> 00:51:16,500
but learning what that looks
like for us

1054
00:51:16,583 --> 00:51:18,417
has been a new experience.

1055
00:51:18,500 --> 00:51:22,708
And I think women want to step
up and protect when they don't

1056
00:51:22,792 --> 00:51:28,708
feel protected, and so when
you're asking him to be tough

1057
00:51:28,792 --> 00:51:31,417
and tender, I mean, they're
two different issues.

1058
00:51:31,500 --> 00:51:35,000
So, encouragement,
it covers both.

1059
00:51:35,083 --> 00:51:37,375
You want to constantly
encourage your husband.

1060
00:51:37,458 --> 00:51:42,000
If there's things in him, even
if they seem small, start there.

1061
00:51:42,083 --> 00:51:46,208
Encourage those things, and he
will want to rise up to be more,

1062
00:51:46,292 --> 00:51:49,167
to be more for you, to be
more, if you have kids,

1063
00:51:49,250 --> 00:51:50,875
to be more for the kids.

1064
00:51:50,958 --> 00:51:53,875
And then he'll want
to, by God's grace,

1065
00:51:53,958 --> 00:51:56,875
want to desire to read
the Scripture and see what

1066
00:51:56,958 --> 00:51:59,958
the Scripture says about
being tough and tender.

1067
00:52:00,083 --> 00:52:03,333
But--and also praying for him,
that his heart would be open

1068
00:52:03,375 --> 00:52:04,833
to learning those things.

1069
00:52:04,875 --> 00:52:06,833
It's not something
that happens overnight,

1070
00:52:06,875 --> 00:52:09,875
and you can either encourage or
discourage that from happening,

1071
00:52:09,958 --> 00:52:11,333
as a wife.

1072
00:52:11,375 --> 00:52:14,333
As a helper, as a wife, we're
supposed to help our husband

1073
00:52:14,375 --> 00:52:17,375
toward godliness, just
like they're supposed to help,

1074
00:52:17,458 --> 00:52:20,667
they're supposed to lead
us and teach us

1075
00:52:20,750 --> 00:52:22,417
what respect means.

1076
00:52:22,500 --> 00:52:25,625
And so we need to help them see
what that love, and tenderness,

1077
00:52:25,667 --> 00:52:29,208
and what toughness is, just
even saying, you know,

1078
00:52:29,292 --> 00:52:32,500
"Can I explain
a situation to you

1079
00:52:32,583 --> 00:52:35,500
and see what you would think,
and can we talk about it?"

1080
00:52:35,583 --> 00:52:39,500
Just opening up the conversation
can be a big deal to start with.

1081
00:52:39,542 --> 00:52:42,000
And I would say encouraging
your husband in those godly

1082
00:52:42,083 --> 00:52:45,625
friendships with other men, that
are maybe a little more mature

1083
00:52:45,667 --> 00:52:48,792
in certain areas
and really affirming those,

1084
00:52:48,833 --> 00:52:53,375
not in a motherly or
patronizing way, but, you know,

1085
00:52:53,458 --> 00:52:56,333
having those be couple friends,
having those be family friends,

1086
00:52:56,375 --> 00:52:59,333
having those be the people
that you go to for counsel

1087
00:52:59,375 --> 00:53:01,000
and encouraging that.

1088
00:53:01,042 --> 00:53:04,125
Because sometimes, with men,
they hear it differently

1089
00:53:04,167 --> 00:53:08,667
and receive it differently from
another guy; whereas,

1090
00:53:08,750 --> 00:53:11,625
from the wife over and over,
it could sound like nagging.

1091
00:53:11,667 --> 00:53:14,500
Yet, when another guy says it,
it's like, "Okay, I got it,"

1092
00:53:14,583 --> 00:53:16,708
or the guy's able
to model it for them.

1093
00:53:16,792 --> 00:53:19,125
Because a lot of times, guys
will sometimes, not always,

1094
00:53:19,167 --> 00:53:21,333
but guys will think
they're doing a good job,

1095
00:53:21,375 --> 00:53:23,333
and they're not, because
they've never seen it,

1096
00:53:23,375 --> 00:53:27,125
and seeing it helps them then
grown in doing it themselves.

1097
00:53:27,167 --> 00:53:29,125
We'll do another one.

1098
00:53:29,167 --> 00:53:32,000
"What does it look like to
lovingly walk through my wife's

1099
00:53:32,042 --> 00:53:34,500
"sin with her, as her head,
while still calling her

1100
00:53:34,542 --> 00:53:37,500
to repentance
and not enabling her sin?"

1101
00:53:37,583 --> 00:53:42,583
That's a girl question.

1102
00:53:42,667 --> 00:53:45,083
Well, I mean, it kind of
depends on the personality

1103
00:53:45,167 --> 00:53:49,292
of the woman, but even
women that appear tough,

1104
00:53:49,333 --> 00:53:51,917
when you call them
to repentance,

1105
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:55,125
they aren't always as tough
as they may have appeared.

1106
00:53:55,167 --> 00:53:58,000
Repentance is something
that all of us,

1107
00:53:58,042 --> 00:54:01,417
whether you're husband or wife,
but as husbands you need to pray

1108
00:54:01,500 --> 00:54:05,167
that your wife is convicted
by the Holy Spirit.

1109
00:54:05,250 --> 00:54:11,125
You can call sin out, but
you can't make her repent.

1110
00:54:11,167 --> 00:54:14,000
The Holy Spirit's
job is to do that.

1111
00:54:14,083 --> 00:54:20,208
And so, honestly, for a woman to
feel safe is key in repentance.

1112
00:54:20,292 --> 00:54:23,000
If she's going to be
vulnerable with her sin,

1113
00:54:23,083 --> 00:54:26,500
vulnerable with wanting to
change and have you see her

1114
00:54:26,583 --> 00:54:31,000
in a very raw,
just vulnerable state,

1115
00:54:31,083 --> 00:54:33,833
you're going to need to feel
safe to her.

1116
00:54:33,875 --> 00:54:37,625
And if she's had any abuse
or any harm in her past,

1117
00:54:37,667 --> 00:54:40,708
whether it's through family
or relationships of any kind,

1118
00:54:40,792 --> 00:54:43,583
that can even be
a harder situation.

1119
00:54:43,667 --> 00:54:46,500
So, it's just very
important, I would say,

1120
00:54:46,583 --> 00:54:49,167
to be safe and to pray over her.

1121
00:54:49,250 --> 00:54:50,667
Pray with her.

1122
00:54:50,750 --> 00:54:52,292
Pray for her.

1123
00:54:52,333 --> 00:54:55,708
If there's things that you don't
feel like you can talk to her

1124
00:54:55,792 --> 00:54:59,000
about, yet, because she would
repel that in that moment,

1125
00:54:59,042 --> 00:55:00,417
then pray.

1126
00:55:00,500 --> 00:55:03,667
Pray for the timing when God
would soften her heart

1127
00:55:03,750 --> 00:55:06,708
toward listening to
whatever the sin is.

1128
00:55:06,792 --> 00:55:10,417
I think, for Mark and I,
when he comes to me,

1129
00:55:10,500 --> 00:55:13,917
when we're not in the midst of
an argument or disagreement,

1130
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:16,500
when he comes to me
and says, "You know,

1131
00:55:16,542 --> 00:55:19,708
I noticed this the other day,
and I'm concerned for you,"

1132
00:55:19,792 --> 00:55:24,375
or "I love you, and I want to
see you flourish in this area,"

1133
00:55:24,458 --> 00:55:28,000
or if a wife feels like
the husband really is caring

1134
00:55:28,083 --> 00:55:30,833
and not just inconvenienced
by her sin,

1135
00:55:30,875 --> 00:55:34,625
she's going to be more drawn out
to repentance.

1136
00:55:34,667 --> 00:55:38,125
That was good.

1137
00:55:38,167 --> 00:55:40,667
Good job.

1138
00:55:40,750 --> 00:55:44,917
All right, let's do another one.

1139
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:48,000
"If a child grows up and makes
bad decisions relationally,

1140
00:55:48,083 --> 00:55:51,000
"is that always
a reflection on the father?

1141
00:55:51,042 --> 00:55:53,708
"Is it possible for
a man to be a great dad,

1142
00:55:53,792 --> 00:55:55,917
"teach his kids the Bible,
et cetera, et cetera,

1143
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:57,333
and they still go astray?"

1144
00:55:57,375 --> 00:55:58,708
Yes, it is.

1145
00:55:58,792 --> 00:56:01,083
There are examples in
the Bible where godly parents

1146
00:56:01,167 --> 00:56:04,208
have children who act
in a way that is ungodly.

1147
00:56:04,292 --> 00:56:07,208
And what I, again, would say
for the fathers is it

1148
00:56:07,292 --> 00:56:08,792
may not be your fault.

1149
00:56:08,833 --> 00:56:11,125
Now, as fathers, we can
always look and say,

1150
00:56:11,167 --> 00:56:15,875
"It probably is to some
degree, 2%, 3%, 10% my fault.

1151
00:56:15,958 --> 00:56:18,625
"I didn't do this right.
I didn't say that right.

1152
00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:21,917
"I didn't deal with these issues
in their formative years,

1153
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,000
"so maybe I bear
some responsibility,

1154
00:56:24,083 --> 00:56:27,167
"and I can even repent to my
child or children about that.

1155
00:56:27,250 --> 00:56:29,667
"You know, I didn't
serve you the best here.

1156
00:56:29,750 --> 00:56:33,667
"I made a mistake there, or I
was lazy or chose comfort

1157
00:56:33,750 --> 00:56:36,500
"over Christ in this
season of your life

1158
00:56:36,542 --> 00:56:38,167
and didn't pursue you
as I ought."

1159
00:56:38,250 --> 00:56:41,833
So, we can own, as fathers,
our failures and our sins.

1160
00:56:41,875 --> 00:56:44,583
But even if it's not
your fault, as a father,

1161
00:56:44,667 --> 00:56:47,917
you still want to make
it your responsibility.

1162
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,625
Now, it has to be their
responsibility, as well,

1163
00:56:50,667 --> 00:56:52,708
but you want to make
it your responsibility.

1164
00:56:52,792 --> 00:56:54,125
I'll give you an example.

1165
00:56:54,167 --> 00:56:57,667
We were down in Albuquerque,
New Mexico, a little while ago,

1166
00:56:57,750 --> 00:57:00,208
and I had the honor of preaching
the gospel at

1167
00:57:00,292 --> 00:57:04,083
Mars Hill Albuquerque, and I
saw baptisms, 42,

1168
00:57:04,167 --> 00:57:05,917
on that Sunday at our church,

1169
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,417
and many of them
were Hispanic families.

1170
00:57:08,500 --> 00:57:10,375
And what I noticed
about Hispanic families,

1171
00:57:10,458 --> 00:57:13,125
they're very different in that
when one person gets to go

1172
00:57:13,167 --> 00:57:16,208
forward for baptism, the
whole family goes forward,

1173
00:57:16,292 --> 00:57:19,083
like 40 people around
the baptismal tank.

1174
00:57:19,167 --> 00:57:20,500
Right?

1175
00:57:20,542 --> 00:57:23,208
I'm in Seattle, where there's
like one single guy, you know,

1176
00:57:23,292 --> 00:57:26,208
and then he Twitters it so
others can be aware of it.

1177
00:57:26,292 --> 00:57:27,625
Like, he doesn't--

1178
00:57:27,667 --> 00:57:29,833
You know, he doesn't
really have a real community.

1179
00:57:29,875 --> 00:57:31,500
There it's family,
and it's generations.

1180
00:57:31,542 --> 00:57:37,000
So, we saw grandfathers
baptizing their sons

1181
00:57:37,083 --> 00:57:40,500
and grandsons, granddaughters
and daughters.

1182
00:57:40,542 --> 00:57:42,375
I mean, it was beautiful.

1183
00:57:42,458 --> 00:57:45,708
And there was one patriarch,
this older Hispanic man,

1184
00:57:45,792 --> 00:57:49,000
he came up to me,
and he was pretty choked up.

1185
00:57:49,083 --> 00:57:50,833
You know, guy's guy.

1186
00:57:50,875 --> 00:57:52,917
And he said,
"Pastor, please pray for me."

1187
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:54,333
I said, "For what?"

1188
00:57:54,375 --> 00:57:58,708
He said, "My children now
are walking with the Lord,

1189
00:57:58,792 --> 00:58:00,917
"and my grandchildren
are walking with the Lord,

1190
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,083
but one of my sons isn't."

1191
00:58:04,167 --> 00:58:08,417
And he said, "It's my family,
it's my responsibility."

1192
00:58:08,500 --> 00:58:11,500
He said, "So, I'm meeting
with him this week,

1193
00:58:11,583 --> 00:58:15,000
"and I'm talking to him
about his sin and Jesus,

1194
00:58:15,083 --> 00:58:18,500
"and I'm asking people to pray,
that he would give me the words

1195
00:58:18,583 --> 00:58:21,833
to say and that he would give
my son the ears to hear."

1196
00:58:21,875 --> 00:58:24,208
What he's not saying is,
"My son's not walking

1197
00:58:24,292 --> 00:58:26,208
with the Lord,
and it's all my fault,"

1198
00:58:26,292 --> 00:58:28,833
but what he is saying is,
"I love my son,

1199
00:58:28,875 --> 00:58:32,375
"and I want to, to some degree,
make it my responsibility

1200
00:58:32,458 --> 00:58:35,125
to bring Jesus to him
and to bring him to Jesus."

1201
00:58:35,167 --> 00:58:37,167
Does that make sense?

1202
00:58:37,250 --> 00:58:39,833
There's a glory
there, not a guilt,

1203
00:58:39,875 --> 00:58:41,625
and that's what I'm saying here.

1204
00:58:41,667 --> 00:58:45,500
There are times when even
bad parents have good kids.

1205
00:58:45,583 --> 00:58:48,500
There are times when
good parents have bad kids.

1206
00:58:48,542 --> 00:58:53,208
But even if you are a parent
whose children go astray,

1207
00:58:53,292 --> 00:58:56,375
and you don't feel
primarily responsible--

1208
00:58:56,458 --> 00:58:58,125
or I should say it this way.

1209
00:58:58,167 --> 00:59:01,208
If you don't feel primarily
at fault in the sight of God,

1210
00:59:01,292 --> 00:59:04,000
your heart should still
break enough to make it your

1211
00:59:04,042 --> 00:59:06,917
responsibility to pray, your
responsibility to encourage,

1212
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:10,917
your responsibility to pursue,
your responsibility to bring

1213
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:13,500
them to Jesus in any
way you possibly can.

1214
00:59:13,583 --> 00:59:15,333
And that's what
I'm talking about.

1215
00:59:15,375 --> 00:59:18,125
That's what I'm talking about.

1216
00:59:18,167 --> 00:59:20,833
"I have a divorce in my
past because of adultery.

1217
00:59:20,875 --> 00:59:26,167
How do I move beyond that
to lead my family well?"

1218
00:59:28,542 --> 00:59:33,375
Yeah, I think, again, fear
is probably involved in that.

1219
00:59:35,667 --> 00:59:40,208
To break that cycle, thinking
of legacy and what God can do

1220
00:59:40,292 --> 00:59:44,625
through you to stop what
has happened in the past,

1221
00:59:44,667 --> 00:59:49,500
and if you have fears, to go
to the Lord with those fears,

1222
00:59:49,583 --> 00:59:52,500
and ask him to give you
strength and wisdom,

1223
00:59:52,583 --> 00:59:57,417
and read through the Scriptures
to see how to be a godly leader

1224
00:59:57,500 --> 01:00:00,500
and how to be--have
a godly marriage,

1225
01:00:00,583 --> 01:00:02,917
so that you don't
have to have adultery

1226
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,125
and some of the same sins
from your past.

1227
01:00:05,167 --> 01:00:08,708
We all have things that we
carry into our marriages,

1228
01:00:08,792 --> 01:00:11,792
and we have to deal with those,
so that we don't create

1229
01:00:11,833 --> 01:00:13,708
that same scenario.

1230
01:00:13,792 --> 01:00:16,833
So, I would just say, you know,
if there's fears in there,

1231
01:00:16,875 --> 01:00:18,208
give those to the Lord.

1232
01:00:18,292 --> 01:00:21,208
Ask him to take away those
fears and replace them with his

1233
01:00:21,292 --> 01:00:25,083
confidence, his righteousness,
his strength to do different

1234
01:00:25,167 --> 01:00:26,875
in your legacy.

1235
01:00:26,958 --> 01:00:28,667
I can't tell
from the question,

1236
01:00:28,750 --> 01:00:31,500
but it seems like their
spouse committed adultery.

1237
01:00:31,583 --> 01:00:35,208
I would say forgive them, so
that you don't let bitterness

1238
01:00:35,292 --> 01:00:40,417
take root in your heart, and
then if and when a time has

1239
01:00:40,500 --> 01:00:43,125
passed, and maybe you're moving
toward another relationship,

1240
01:00:43,167 --> 01:00:46,083
which may be in your future,
to include your family and your

1241
01:00:46,167 --> 01:00:49,500
church family in that, and to
go slowly and cautiously

1242
01:00:49,583 --> 01:00:53,833
and carefully, particularly
if you have children,

1243
01:00:53,875 --> 01:00:57,500
so as not to jump in too
prematurely and repeat

1244
01:00:57,542 --> 01:01:03,208
that same kind of real grief.

1245
01:01:03,292 --> 01:01:08,625
And the truth is the Bible does
speak of adultery as a potential

1246
01:01:08,667 --> 01:01:10,833
condition for divorce.

1247
01:01:10,875 --> 01:01:14,333
But even at Mars Hill, we have
seen adultery forgiven

1248
01:01:14,375 --> 01:01:17,125
and couples reconciled.

1249
01:01:17,167 --> 01:01:20,125
I've even seen couples that were
divorced come to faith in Christ

1250
01:01:20,167 --> 01:01:23,125
in repentance, and I've
officiated their remarriage with

1251
01:01:23,167 --> 01:01:27,417
their children serving as the
flower girl and the ring bearer.

1252
01:01:27,500 --> 01:01:29,625
And so I'm not saying
that'll happen,

1253
01:01:29,667 --> 01:01:32,292
and I'm not saying there aren't
conditions for remarriage,

1254
01:01:32,333 --> 01:01:35,417
but I would say, you
know, forgive them.

1255
01:01:35,500 --> 01:01:38,375
See in your own life if
there was any ways that you

1256
01:01:38,458 --> 01:01:41,000
contributed to
the devastation of the marriage,

1257
01:01:41,083 --> 01:01:45,417
and then grow in godliness,
being honest with your kids,

1258
01:01:45,500 --> 01:01:47,917
not in a way to embitter
them against your spouse,

1259
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:51,083
but to instruct them and inform
them without lying to them.

1260
01:01:51,167 --> 01:01:53,917
And then if and when God
should allow you to remarry,

1261
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:57,167
moving forward in that potential
relationship very cautiously

1262
01:01:57,250 --> 01:02:00,833
and carefully and prayerfully
in the context of community.

1263
01:02:00,875 --> 01:02:04,000
But as a single parent, I think
that's one of the hardest jobs

1264
01:02:04,083 --> 01:02:07,000
in the world, because now you've
got to do the mom work

1265
01:02:07,042 --> 01:02:09,208
and the dad work,
and it's a lot,

1266
01:02:09,292 --> 01:02:11,000
and that's where
you're going to need

1267
01:02:11,083 --> 01:02:13,833
your family and your church
family to be heavily invested

1268
01:02:13,875 --> 01:02:18,000
and involved, to help make up
the lack that usually is

1269
01:02:18,042 --> 01:02:20,500
taken care of by two parents.

1270
01:02:20,583 --> 01:02:23,000
And so if you're
at Mars Hill, we love you,

1271
01:02:23,083 --> 01:02:25,000
and this is what
Community Groups are for,

1272
01:02:25,083 --> 01:02:27,208
and relationships are for,
and other families are for.

1273
01:02:27,292 --> 01:02:30,208
And, you know, I'll just, I'll
say this about my wife publicly.

1274
01:02:30,292 --> 01:02:31,625
She would never say it.

1275
01:02:31,667 --> 01:02:34,292
There are some women that are
very close to our family

1276
01:02:34,333 --> 01:02:37,625
that the husbands have either
died, so the women are widows,

1277
01:02:37,667 --> 01:02:39,708
or the husbands have
committed adultery,

1278
01:02:39,792 --> 01:02:41,917
and so now these
are single mothers,

1279
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:45,167
and they play a lot with our
kids, and Grace invests in them,

1280
01:02:45,250 --> 01:02:48,375
and we try to help and support
in a variety of ways these

1281
01:02:48,458 --> 01:02:52,292
families, because we love them,
and we want our children

1282
01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:56,083
and our home, and sometimes
even my presence, to be part of

1283
01:02:56,167 --> 01:02:58,917
the contribution to
the service of that family.

1284
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:01,708
And I would then encourage
other men in the church,

1285
01:03:01,792 --> 01:03:04,625
that do love their wives and
kids and have intact families,

1286
01:03:04,667 --> 01:03:07,708
to always keep your
heart, and your door,

1287
01:03:07,792 --> 01:03:10,792
and your wallet open
to widows, orphans,

1288
01:03:10,833 --> 01:03:13,292
those in need--that would
include single moms in our

1289
01:03:13,333 --> 01:03:19,167
day--so that, so that our church
family helps to make up for

1290
01:03:19,250 --> 01:03:22,083
the lack of male affection
and leadership,

1291
01:03:22,167 --> 01:03:24,708
in an appropriate
way, in their family.

1292
01:03:24,792 --> 01:03:28,208
And it's a great honor, as
a man, to be able to do that,

1293
01:03:28,292 --> 01:03:31,625
and I would encourage you men
to take that as a mantle of

1294
01:03:31,667 --> 01:03:33,875
opportunity and responsibility,
because the church really is

1295
01:03:33,958 --> 01:03:37,917
a family, and these really
are brothers and sisters,

1296
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:43,667
and their children really are
a part of our extended family.

1297
01:03:43,750 --> 01:03:46,833
I think we'll close it there.

1298
01:03:46,875 --> 01:03:48,708
That's a good place to end.

1299
01:03:48,792 --> 01:03:51,500
Could you conclude our time
in prayer, sweetie pie?

1300
01:03:51,583 --> 01:03:53,417
Thanks.

1301
01:03:53,500 --> 01:03:56,083
Dear Lord, thank you
for the men and women here.

1302
01:03:56,167 --> 01:03:58,917
Lord, thank you for your Word
that instructs men

1303
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:00,625
that they are to lead.

1304
01:04:00,667 --> 01:04:04,208
I pray that you would impress
that on their hearts even more,

1305
01:04:04,292 --> 01:04:08,417
that they would come to you and
pray for wisdom in how to do

1306
01:04:08,500 --> 01:04:11,500
that with their specific wife
and their specific children,

1307
01:04:11,542 --> 01:04:13,333
if they have them.

1308
01:04:13,375 --> 01:04:18,083
Lord, I pray that the desires
of their heart would be to lead

1309
01:04:18,167 --> 01:04:24,875
this next generation, to lead a
new legacy of boys into malehood

1310
01:04:24,958 --> 01:04:29,000
that loves you, and honors you,
and respects women and leads

1311
01:04:29,042 --> 01:04:34,208
them well, as you have loved us,
and that they would display that

1312
01:04:34,292 --> 01:04:35,917
to their families.

1313
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:37,333
Thank you so much.

1314
01:04:37,375 --> 01:04:38,708
In Jesus' name, amen.

1315
01:04:38,792 --> 01:04:40,125
Amen.

1316
01:04:40,167 --> 01:04:42,625
At this point, I'll give
you a few action items.

1317
01:04:42,667 --> 01:04:45,083
We're going to ask the financial
stewards, at this point,

1318
01:04:45,167 --> 01:04:48,333
to collect our offering,
and as they begin to do that,

1319
01:04:48,375 --> 01:04:51,500
we are giving to
the church family,

1320
01:04:51,583 --> 01:04:54,125
so that this family might
lovingly care for

1321
01:04:54,167 --> 01:04:56,333
as many people as possible.

1322
01:04:56,375 --> 01:05:00,875
As we're in this series, it's
obviously going to raise a lot

1323
01:05:00,958 --> 01:05:04,333
of deep issues, which means we
want to open the doors

1324
01:05:04,375 --> 01:05:07,208
and help as many people as
we possibly can.

1325
01:05:07,292 --> 01:05:08,917
Many of those people
are not Christians,

1326
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:10,583
or they're brand-new Christians.

1327
01:05:10,667 --> 01:05:12,917
And so for those of us
who are Christians,

1328
01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:16,583
we give to help our church
family grow by welcoming others

1329
01:05:16,667 --> 01:05:18,375
to Jesus and us.

1330
01:05:18,458 --> 01:05:20,500
So, please do give
generously now.

1331
01:05:20,583 --> 01:05:23,500
In addition, we're going
to call you to respond,

1332
01:05:23,583 --> 01:05:26,083
and some of you may
not be Christians,

1333
01:05:26,167 --> 01:05:29,292
and that really is the most
important relationship,

1334
01:05:29,333 --> 01:05:33,208
first things first, turning
from sin, trusting in Jesus.

1335
01:05:33,292 --> 01:05:36,417
He took responsibility,
though your life and your sin

1336
01:05:36,500 --> 01:05:38,708
is your fault.

1337
01:05:38,792 --> 01:05:41,125
And so you give him
your sin, by faith,

1338
01:05:41,167 --> 01:05:44,125
and you receive from him
forgiveness and love,

1339
01:05:44,167 --> 01:05:47,583
and today start that
relationship with God

1340
01:05:47,667 --> 01:05:49,500
through Jesus Christ.

1341
01:05:49,583 --> 01:05:51,875
And before you can work
on any other relationship,

1342
01:05:51,958 --> 01:05:54,917
that's the most
important relationship.

1343
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:59,500
In addition, for you who
are husbands, I want you to,

1344
01:05:59,583 --> 01:06:02,708
before you partake of Communion,
where we remember the broken

1345
01:06:02,792 --> 01:06:06,417
body and shed blood of Jesus
and how he is our covenant head,

1346
01:06:06,500 --> 01:06:09,708
I want you to apologize to
your wife for the ways in which

1347
01:06:09,792 --> 01:06:12,208
you've not been a good
head, and pray together

1348
01:06:12,292 --> 01:06:14,000
before you take Communion.

1349
01:06:14,083 --> 01:06:18,208
And you wives, if you have
in any way been complicit

1350
01:06:18,292 --> 01:06:21,875
in his abdication of
his responsibility,

1351
01:06:21,958 --> 01:06:24,000
you've not really
told him the truth,

1352
01:06:24,042 --> 01:06:26,917
you've not really encouraged him
as you ought or rebuked him

1353
01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:30,500
as he needs, I want you to be
honest with him and say, "Honey,

1354
01:06:30,583 --> 01:06:34,000
"here are some areas you could
be a better head, and we, or I,

1355
01:06:34,083 --> 01:06:37,208
"really need you right away to
step up and to do what God

1356
01:06:37,292 --> 01:06:38,708
tells you to do."

1357
01:06:38,792 --> 01:06:41,000
In addition, for those
of you who are single,

1358
01:06:41,042 --> 01:06:42,833
this is where you ask yourself,

1359
01:06:42,875 --> 01:06:46,125
"Am I even taking responsibility
for myself?

1360
01:06:46,167 --> 01:06:49,208
"And in what ways am I
being irresponsible?

1361
01:06:49,292 --> 01:06:52,917
"And if that is the case, I need
to repent of that for the sake

1362
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:54,625
"of my relationship with Jesus.

1363
01:06:54,667 --> 01:06:56,500
"Whether or not I
ever get married,

1364
01:06:56,583 --> 01:06:58,417
"this is required for
that relationship,

1365
01:06:58,500 --> 01:07:00,917
"and it is primary for
preparation for the marriage

1366
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:03,500
relationship that God might
have for me in Christ."

1367
01:07:03,583 --> 01:07:05,375
And then we're going
to take Communion,

1368
01:07:05,458 --> 01:07:07,000
remembering Jesus
died, Jesus rose.

1369
01:07:07,042 --> 01:07:09,917
He takes responsibility for
the sin that is our fault.

1370
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,708
He is our covenant head.

1371
01:07:11,792 --> 01:07:13,333
And when we sing to him,

1372
01:07:13,375 --> 01:07:16,083
we're singing with great
enthusiasm and joy.

1373
01:07:16,167 --> 01:07:20,208
Just like there is music at
a wedding, we are the church,

1374
01:07:20,292 --> 01:07:22,500
the bride of Christ
collectively,

1375
01:07:22,542 --> 01:07:25,667
and Jesus is like a great groom,
and every good wedding

1376
01:07:25,750 --> 01:07:28,000
needs a soundtrack,
and we are the band.

1377
01:07:28,083 --> 01:07:29,417
Amen?

1378
01:07:29,500 --> 01:07:31,167
All right, thank you.