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Well sweetie, it was actually 
more than a year ago

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we started writing 
the "Real Marriage" book.

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Today it is done, it is out.

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The small-group curriculum 
has been released

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along with the study guides 
and today we kick off

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the Real Marriage campaign.

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And I just want to publicly 
thank you for being my girl

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and for writing 
the book with me.

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Which chapter is your favorite?

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I would say 
the "Friend with Benefits" chapter.

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That was my favorite too.

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Which one 
do you think it's going to get us

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in the most trouble?

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The "Can We ____?" 
sexual questions chapter.

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Definitely.

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You said that one nervously,
which was cute.

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What are you hoping and praying 
that God uses the series for

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in the lives of other people, 
singles as well as marrieds?

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I just hope that it helps people 
see that honesty

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is the best way to go.

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We've tried to be really honest
with our life and the baggage

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that we brought into 
our relationship, and have seen God

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do amazing redemption 
and I just want to help other people

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do the same in their marriage 
so that they can have the freedom

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from the sins 
from the past and the present

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and avoid things in the future.

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Could you just kick everything off 
by praying for my sermon

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and our series?

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Absolutely.

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Dear Lord, thank you
for everyone here.

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Thank you that you have used 
our life to witness to these people

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and I pray 
that you would continue to use

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what you've done 
in our lives, the redemption

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and just the story
that you've brought about

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through our story.

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Lord, use it 
in these people's marriages.

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Lord, I pray that we would all 
continue to be honest

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and that you would just 
allow us to just have healing

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in all of our marriages, Lord.

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Thank you in Jesus' name.

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Amen.

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Thank you baby,
see you in a bit.

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It's a great honor to teach,

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and I want to start
where the Bible starts,

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and the Bible
starts with a wedding.

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The Bible starts with a wedding,
and it quickly moves to a war.

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How many of you have
had that experience?

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The story of Genesis is that
our first parents are married,

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and immediately Satan,
the enemy of God, shows up,

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and he moves his war from heaven
to earth, and from assaulting God

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and the angels to assaulting
a husband and wife.

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And the truth is that marriage
is in the context of war.

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A spiritual battle rages between
the enemy of God and his people

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and God and his people.

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And for those of us
who are Christian,

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our marriages are on
the frontline of that battle,

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and the closer you move toward
ministry, it even intensifies,

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because Satan
absolutely hates God.

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He hates God's people, and he
particularly hates marriage,

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and he hates Christian marriage,
because Christian marriage

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is a portrait of the gospel.

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Paul says in Ephesians 5 that
husbands should love their wives

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like Christ loves the church.

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And so he's saying
that a husband and wife,

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in loving union, communion,
and covenant are kind of like

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the relationship that Jesus
has with the church,

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that as Jesus leads
the church lovingly,

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and humbly, and sacrificially,
so men are to lovingly,

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humbly, sacrificially lead
their families.

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And as wives respect
their husbands,

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they are showing something of
the respect that the church has,

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or at least should have,
for the Lord Jesus Christ,

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as the head of the church.

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And so Satan attacks marriages,
because marriages are

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an illustration of the gospel;
and, furthermore,

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if Satan can destroy
a Christian marriage,

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especially a ministry marriage--
those couples that are seeking

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to honor and serve God with
their gifts in the marketplace,

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home, or ministry--then he knows
that he can affect generations.

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He can have their children,
and their grandchildren,

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and their great-grandchildren.

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And some of you have
personal pain and testimony

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about your family being
part of that great battle,

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and maybe it was your marriage,
or your parents' marriage,

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or your grandparents' marriage
that sadly and tragically lost

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a great battle, and Satan was
able to gain a great victory

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in the history of your family.

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It's a very serious matter
to be married.

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It's a very serious matter
to be married as a Christian.

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And I knew this
from reading the Bible,

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that Satan attacks families.

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What I find curious is
that Satan didn't even show up

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to attack Adam and Eve
until they were married.

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And for some of us, we have this
naive notion that if we

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just get married, then our
trials, and our troubles,

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and our temptations
will go away.

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No, then our enemy will come,

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and the battle will,
in fact, intensify.

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And I knew this theologically,

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and I was aware
of this biblically,

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but I was not prepared
for it practically,

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and neither was Grace.

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And so our first date
was March 12, 1988.

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Our wedding day
was August 15, 1992.

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And we gave ourselves and
our marriage to God, wrongly,

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naively assuming we would be
like one of those fairytales

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that simply says, "And they
lived happily ever after."

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Well, the truth is it
was not that easy for us,

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and the truth was that not
only was Satan attacking us,

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but also we had done some things
that had brought harm

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into our own marriage and given
him plenty of opportunity.

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I'll share some
of them with you.

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And here's why I do so.

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We are very committed
at Mars Hill Church

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to not just believing things,
but living in light of them.

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What the world doesn't need
is just another series

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of theological lectures
on marriage.

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It needs some practical
training, teaching,

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modeling on marriage.

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And we want to create,

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and for years
we've been laboring to create,

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a culture in which
we want people to be honest.

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When they're suffering, when
they're tempted, when they sin,

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when they've been
sinned against,

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we want there to be a culture of
honesty, not a religious culture

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that confesses the sins of other
people and talks about them

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in a gossiping and condescending
way, but in a way that we each

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personally speak of our own
struggles, and failures,

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and trials in a way that is
humble and repentant and invites

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people in to speak the truth
into our life and to remind us

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of the instruction of the Bible

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and the person
and the work of Jesus,

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so that, by the grace of God,
in community together,

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we can be a humble people
pursuing holiness together.

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And so, for Grace and I,
when we share

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some of the more intimate
details of our life

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in this series
and in the book that we wrote

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and the curriculum
that we shot,

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the goal is to invite you
to do the same,

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whether you're
single or married,

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the community that
surrounds you, particularly,

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if you are married,
the spouse who dwells with you,

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to be honest.

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And the honest truth is that
when Grace and I were married,

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the enemy had already won
a number of great victories

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in our life that greatly damaged
the early years of our marriage.

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I'll share
some of them with you.

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Number one, before we met,
we were not walking with Jesus

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faithfully,
and we were sinning sexually.

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Number two, when we did meet in
our early dating years, again,

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neither of us was walking
with Jesus faithfully,

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and we began sinning
sexually together.

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So, the relationship got off
on completely the wrong foot.

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The deepest intimacy
of all is spiritual intimacy.

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And if you don't build
a relationship

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on spiritual intimacy,
with Christ as the center,

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invariably, it's going to be

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a weak
and immature relationship,

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and it may feel close,
and intimate, and exciting,

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but that's simply because
of the presence of sin,

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not because the presence
of the Spirit of God

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is really binding
two people together.

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Number three, for us,
we were very different.

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I was the religious
older brother.

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She was the rebellious
prodigal son.

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If you know the story
of the prodigal son,

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it is a story where
a great father has two sons,

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and one is the religious, and
he is self-righteous, and moral,

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obedient, compliant,
and he doesn't necessarily rebel

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against the father,
but he's also not humble.

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He's very condescending,
very judgmental,

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very holier-than-thou
and self-righteous.

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That was me, as a non-Christian.

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I believed in God,
but I didn't know Jesus,

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and I certainly didn't love him,

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but I thought that I was better
than everyone else

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because I kept
a very moral checklist,

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and I was a man
of great self-discipline.

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I was filled
with the sin of pride.

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Conversely, Grace, she was like
the rebellious son in the story,

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who openly runs away
from his father,

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and sins openly and publicly,

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and eventually
comes to repentance.

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Well, that was her story.

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She was raised
as a pastor's daughter.

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She grew up knowing Jesus.

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She grew up, as a little girl,
sitting on a swing

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in her backyard singing
Keith Green songs to Jesus,

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as a little girl.

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And then she grew up,

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and in her junior high
and high school years,

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she wandered away
from the Lord.

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She went into sin
and folly, drinking,

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hanging out with
friends and the like.

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Well, we are a complete mess,
because she is a Christian,

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not walking faithfully with God,
and I am a non-Christian

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who's more moral
than she is, on the outside,

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but absolutely religious,
self-righteous, proud,

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condemning, and condescending
on the inside.

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So, neither of us really was
walking faithfully with Jesus.

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Number four,
there was a secret.

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And Grace and I
dated for a while,

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and God saved me at about
the age of 19 in college,

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and she returned
into a very vibrant relationship

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with the Lord.

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And we then had to restart
our relationship.

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And God spoke to me audibly,
and he said to marry Grace,

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preach the Bible,
train men, and plant churches.

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He said to do four things.

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So, Grace and I
have built a family.

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Preaching the Bible
was Mars Hill Church,

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training is The Resurgence, and
planting churches is Acts 29.

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So, since God spoke to me at
the age of 19, I've been trying,

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by the grace of God,
to be obedient and to do what he

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told me to do, and that's
what my life looks like.

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And it was when God saved me

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that I finally started
going to church,

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and I started getting
Bible teaching about God,

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and sin, and marriage,
and Jesus' death for sin

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and his resurrection,
that allows us to have new life

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through the Holy Spirit.

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And so Grace and I both came
to a point of repentance.

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"We need to be
in Christ together.

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"We need to be
in church together.

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"We need to be
in prayer together.

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"We need to be
in small groups together.

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We need to be in the Word
of God frequently together."

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And we were, and we were growing
spiritually to the point

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where we were ready
to get married.

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And we were between our junior
and senior year of college,

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around the age of 21, and met
with our pastor over the course

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of many weeks in a premarital
process that was very good,

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and he told us, "You've
got to share all your sin."

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I was like, "All of it?

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What about the nasty stuff?"

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"You've got to share
all your sin."

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We do the same thing
at Mars Hill Church.

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We've got a very robust
premarital process,

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and one of the things we make
you do is confess all your sins

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to one another, so that you
know who you're dealing with,

242
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,792
and you know what
you're getting into,

243
00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:52,875
and so that we can help
you get a good start.

244
00:11:52,958 --> 00:11:56,208
Well, Grace and I,
I thought, did that.

245
00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:59,083
And the truth is
that there was one thing

246
00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:01,333
that she didn't tell me.

247
00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:04,625
We got married,
and she got pregnant,

248
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,167
and we were starting the church,

249
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:08,917
and the secret came out.

250
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,000
We talk about this
in the book--she does.

251
00:12:11,042 --> 00:12:14,500
It's her story to tell,
and she's bravely told it.

252
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:20,917
Well, at that point, I felt
humiliated, and I think,

253
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,208
to be honest with you,
my pride was really damaged,

254
00:12:25,292 --> 00:12:28,833
being a very proud man in
the worst sense of the word.

255
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:34,167
Because had I known
what she hadn't told,

256
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:37,125
I wouldn't have married her.

257
00:12:37,167 --> 00:12:39,833
But now we're Christians,
and we're married,

258
00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:44,500
and I'm a pastor,
and she's pregnant.

259
00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:47,083
We have to stay together.

260
00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:49,708
We have to stay together.

261
00:12:49,792 --> 00:12:54,125
But at that point,
I responded sinfully.

262
00:12:54,167 --> 00:12:56,625
I responded shamefully.

263
00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:59,292
I responded bitterly.

264
00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:02,833
First,
I was bitter against God.

265
00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:04,792
Now let me say this.

266
00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:08,417
As we go through this
Real Marriage series,

267
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,208
I'm going to ask you,

268
00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:12,667
and I'm going to
ask you to ask your spouse,

269
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,708
"What's your secret?"

270
00:13:14,792 --> 00:13:18,000
Many couples have
a secret, or many,

271
00:13:18,083 --> 00:13:24,792
many spouses have a secret,
something they've not told you.

272
00:13:24,833 --> 00:13:30,000
And much of your marriage may
be working around that secret;

273
00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:31,417
maybe sin you've committed

274
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,792
or sin that's committed
against you.

275
00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:36,167
You may be wondering,
"How come we're not close?

276
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,625
"Why is it not working?
Where is the joy?

277
00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:41,667
What happened
to the friendship?"

278
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:44,417
It may be that the secret

279
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,208
has not yet been taken
out of the dark

280
00:13:47,292 --> 00:13:49,667
and brought into the light.

281
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:54,125
Let me say that you
need to tell the truth,

282
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,375
not in an angry,
devastating way,

283
00:13:56,458 --> 00:13:58,625
but in a humble
and repentant way.

284
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:00,333
Do you have a secret?

285
00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:02,417
Or let me say it another way.

286
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:05,375
What secret do you have?
What secret do you have?

287
00:14:05,458 --> 00:14:07,625
And until that
secret, that shame,

288
00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:11,000
that sin is brought
into the light,

289
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,625
you're not going to have
fellowship

290
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:15,625
or close intimate friendship
with one another.

291
00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:17,708
1 John says it this way:

292
00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:20,875
If we walk in the light,
as he is in the light,

293
00:14:20,958 --> 00:14:23,000
and we confess our
sins to one another,

294
00:14:23,042 --> 00:14:25,583
we don't keep any secrets,
but we tell the truth,

295
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:27,792
then we have fellowship
with one another.

296
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,000
Then we're friends,
and we're actually close,

297
00:14:30,083 --> 00:14:32,208
and we know each other,

298
00:14:32,292 --> 00:14:35,000
and the blood of Jesus
cleanses us

299
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,625
from all our unrighteousness.

300
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:40,125
And that's how it works.

301
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:43,625
That's the only
way that it works.

302
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:50,167
I didn't respond biblically,
humbly, graciously.

303
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:51,625
I became bitter.

304
00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:55,292
I became bitter against God
when the secret came out,

305
00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:59,625
and I thought, "God,
you told me to marry her.

306
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:04,125
"And I'm a godly man.

307
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:08,500
"I read the Bible, I pray,
I study, I serve, I give.

308
00:15:08,583 --> 00:15:10,208
"Here's my résumé.

309
00:15:10,292 --> 00:15:13,667
"I'm a hard driver,
big-time performer.

310
00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:16,833
Don't I deserve
better than this?"

311
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,667
How many of you
have never said that,

312
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:22,125
but you've definitely
thought it?

313
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:26,208
"This is unfair.
I deserve better."

314
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:30,000
And I became bitter
against Grace,

315
00:15:30,042 --> 00:15:34,125
and I held it against her
for many, many years.

316
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:37,500
The result was that we
got stuck in our marriage,

317
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:40,417
absolutely stuck.

318
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,292
We had date night.

319
00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:44,208
We're serving Jesus.

320
00:15:44,292 --> 00:15:46,208
The ministry is growing.

321
00:15:46,292 --> 00:15:48,792
You know, there's not physical
violence, or pornography,

322
00:15:48,833 --> 00:15:53,625
or adultery,
or anything of that nature.

323
00:15:53,667 --> 00:15:55,917
It was just coexisting,

324
00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:01,333
finding a barely functional
parallel existence

325
00:16:01,375 --> 00:16:04,000
with moments where
the bitterness comes out,

326
00:16:04,083 --> 00:16:06,417
and then there's conflict.

327
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,833
And my tone would
reflect my bitterness,

328
00:16:08,875 --> 00:16:12,333
and I would speak to Grace in
a way that didn't draw her out,

329
00:16:12,375 --> 00:16:14,708
but shut her down.

330
00:16:14,792 --> 00:16:18,167
So, I want to be careful to say,
as we unpack the content

331
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:22,583
of the Real Marriage campaign,
you need to tell your secret,

332
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:25,625
and you're going to need
to deal with your bitterness,

333
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:28,833
and these are the big themes of
the book that we'll deal with

334
00:16:28,875 --> 00:16:30,208
in the ensuing weeks.

335
00:16:30,292 --> 00:16:32,208
But for now, I'll give
you Proverbs 18:21.

336
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,875
"Death and life are
in the power of the tongue."

337
00:16:34,958 --> 00:16:36,292
Is that true?

338
00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:38,167
It is.

339
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:44,500
When you tell your secret, you
can say it in a way that brings

340
00:16:44,542 --> 00:16:48,000
life or death to the marriage.

341
00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:53,000
When you respond to hearing
of the sins and struggles

342
00:16:53,083 --> 00:16:56,125
of your spouse, you can respond
in a way that brings

343
00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:58,833
life and draws them near you

344
00:16:58,875 --> 00:17:02,083
or death and pushes
them from you.

345
00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:06,417
I would say,
for a decade, we were stuck

346
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:11,208
in a very lonely place
for both of us,

347
00:17:11,292 --> 00:17:15,625
where my words
oftentimes brought death

348
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:19,500
and not life.

349
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:24,833
Meanwhile,
I'm a world-famous preacher.

350
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:30,708
And my tone started to become
more chauvinistic

351
00:17:30,792 --> 00:17:37,708
and more harsh, and it was all
the bitterness in my heart,

352
00:17:37,792 --> 00:17:39,917
something I'll always regret.

353
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,667
And if you were at Mars Hill,

354
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:44,875
I want to publicly ask
your forgiveness for that,

355
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:47,208
and I want to,
by the grace of God,

356
00:17:47,292 --> 00:17:50,375
set a better example.

357
00:17:50,458 --> 00:17:53,208
Another thing that we failed
at, and the enemy used,

358
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:56,083
was we didn't leave
father and mother.

359
00:17:56,167 --> 00:18:00,375
It says early in Genesis to
leave your mother and father.

360
00:18:00,458 --> 00:18:03,000
This means physically
leaving, emotionally leaving,

361
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,500
financially leaving,
spiritually leaving.

362
00:18:05,583 --> 00:18:08,167
It literally means
just moving on,

363
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:10,625
because your family,
once you marry,

364
00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:13,500
is not just an extension
of your birth family.

365
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,625
It's a new family.

366
00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:20,500
But for us, this didn't go
real well for a long time.

367
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:23,333
Some of you have
very loving families,

368
00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:25,833
but they're so loving that
the line between your family

369
00:18:25,875 --> 00:18:28,125
and theirs is really blurred.

370
00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:32,333
So, you can't have birthdays, or
holidays, or vacations together,

371
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:34,333
you and your spouse
and/or your children,

372
00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,417
if God should grace
you with them.

373
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:38,875
Instead, you're a part
of this big extended family,

374
00:18:38,958 --> 00:18:42,333
and you have to play by those
extended family rules

375
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,125
for better or for worse.

376
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:47,125
Some of you have very dramatic,
controlling, busy-bodying,

377
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,417
over-involved families.

378
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,917
You love them,

379
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,792
but only because the Bible says
you have to, right?

380
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:57,583
Your in-laws feel like outlaws,

381
00:18:57,667 --> 00:19:00,875
and they keep crashing into
your life, and your schedule,

382
00:19:00,958 --> 00:19:04,500
and your day off, and your home,
and your budget.

383
00:19:04,542 --> 00:19:07,917
Now, for Grace,
it was very hard for her

384
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,667
to leave father and mother.

385
00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:12,417
As soon as we'd have
a fight, she'd call her mom.

386
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,292
That never helps, right?

387
00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:16,500
Never get your
extended family involved

388
00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:18,917
in your immediate family's
conflict.

389
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,333
It never goes well.

390
00:19:21,375 --> 00:19:23,333
We had to work
very hard to say,

391
00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:24,917
"Okay, we need our
own traditions.

392
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,417
We need our own family.
We need our own holidays."

393
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,917
We do love our family,
and our extended family now,

394
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,167
praise God, on both sides,
they're all Christians.

395
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,625
They do love us.

396
00:19:33,667 --> 00:19:36,417
They're gracious and kind
to us, but we also need

397
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:39,292
our own marriage
and our own relationship,

398
00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:43,208
not just as an appendage to
a pre-existing family system.

399
00:19:43,292 --> 00:19:45,208
But we didn't do that well.

400
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:49,708
We also didn't agree, early on,
on how to organize our home.

401
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:54,417
And so I hated my house,
not the physical home,

402
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:57,500
but I hated being at home.

403
00:19:57,542 --> 00:20:00,833
There are three kinds
of homes sociologically.

404
00:20:00,875 --> 00:20:05,000
There's a closed home,
an open home, and a random home.

405
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:09,625
In a closed home, it's run
like a really tight ship.

406
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:13,667
So, kids are up at 7:00,
breakfast is at 7:15,

407
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:17,000
there's protein
and a starch, you know?

408
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:20,417
The kids have their
shoes on at 7:27.

409
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,625
Their water bottle
is filled at 7:28.

410
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:28,500
They're in the car at 7:29,
and mom hits reverse at 7:30,

411
00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:30,500
unless she's homeschooling.

412
00:20:30,583 --> 00:20:33,208
And what happens is everything
runs according to

413
00:20:33,292 --> 00:20:35,125
a very tight ship.

414
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:39,208
Dinner is at 6:00,
not 5:55 and not 6:05, 6:00.

415
00:20:39,292 --> 00:20:41,125
Tuesday is casserole night.

416
00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:43,583
Thursday, it's time for pork.

417
00:20:43,667 --> 00:20:45,125
Shut up and eat it.

418
00:20:45,167 --> 00:20:47,000
It's new covenant times.
Praise the Lord.

419
00:20:47,042 --> 00:20:49,625
They couldn't do
this in the old days.

420
00:20:49,667 --> 00:20:53,625
In addition, you know, go
get your jammies on at 7:30.

421
00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:55,708
Brush your teeth at 7:35.

422
00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:58,000
Read your Bible at 7:45.

423
00:20:58,042 --> 00:21:01,000
Shut your eyes at 8:00, right?

424
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:03,125
Otherwise, you will notice
a large wooden spoon

425
00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:06,000
coming your way at 8:07, right?

426
00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:10,000
So, everything runs
according to a tight ship,

427
00:21:10,042 --> 00:21:12,208
and there's a tight budget,
and there's a schedule,

428
00:21:12,292 --> 00:21:14,708
and there's rules,
and there's a chart,

429
00:21:14,792 --> 00:21:16,667
and somebody's got
to do certain chores,

430
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:19,000
and nobody comes by unless they
call and schedule

431
00:21:19,083 --> 00:21:22,333
7 to 12 months in advance.

432
00:21:22,375 --> 00:21:23,917
All right?

433
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,500
Closed home.

434
00:21:25,583 --> 00:21:29,833
Open home is organized,
but not that tidy, right?

435
00:21:29,875 --> 00:21:31,500
Kids are up around 7:00.

436
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:33,500
Dinner is between 5:30 and 6:30.

437
00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:36,500
Friends can drop by
unannounced, but not everybody.

438
00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:38,208
It's a short list.

439
00:21:38,292 --> 00:21:40,333
We do have some
people stay the night,

440
00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:42,875
but we're not running
a hostel, right?

441
00:21:42,958 --> 00:21:45,417
It's a little more open.

442
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:48,417
And then there's the random
home, which is crazy.

443
00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:50,708
Kids sleep in whatever
bed they want.

444
00:21:50,792 --> 00:21:54,667
You know, it's
Mountain Dew for breakfast.

445
00:21:54,750 --> 00:21:57,167
There's not
really a schedule.

446
00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:59,333
There's not really a budget.

447
00:21:59,375 --> 00:22:01,000
Things are chaotic.

448
00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:03,333
The family doesn't sit down
to eat dinner together.

449
00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:07,000
It's just eat what you can, when
you can, or the TV is always on.

450
00:22:07,042 --> 00:22:08,917
You go to bed whenever you want.

451
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,500
People are coming by.

452
00:22:10,542 --> 00:22:12,000
They don't even knock.

453
00:22:12,042 --> 00:22:14,708
They just walk right in, get
something out of the fridge.

454
00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:16,708
Kids are staying
the night you never met.

455
00:22:16,792 --> 00:22:20,125
It's a really random home.

456
00:22:20,167 --> 00:22:22,333
Well, Grace grew up
in a ministry home

457
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:24,333
that leaned more toward random.

458
00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:27,500
People always over for dinner,
lots of people coming through.

459
00:22:27,583 --> 00:22:30,708
Me, I also grew up
in a bit of a random home.

460
00:22:30,792 --> 00:22:32,792
In our neighborhood,
the families were very poor.

461
00:22:32,833 --> 00:22:36,292
My dad worked hard, and my mom
stayed home with us five kids,

462
00:22:36,333 --> 00:22:39,083
so our home became kind of
like the community center,

463
00:22:39,167 --> 00:22:40,625
where everybody hung out.

464
00:22:40,667 --> 00:22:42,833
So, all the kids
were there all the time.

465
00:22:42,875 --> 00:22:44,583
Kids would just walk in.

466
00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:47,333
They'd put a coat on, because
they didn't have a coat.

467
00:22:47,375 --> 00:22:48,833
My mom would buy extra coats.

468
00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:50,583
They'd get something
out of the fridge.

469
00:22:50,667 --> 00:22:52,833
Sometimes kids would stay
the night at their house,

470
00:22:52,875 --> 00:22:55,000
because there was violence
and abuse at their house.

471
00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:58,167
And it was a random home,
but it was a random home for,

472
00:22:58,250 --> 00:22:59,667
I think, a very good reason.

473
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:02,708
Well, when we got married, I
know it doesn't seem like this,

474
00:23:02,792 --> 00:23:04,125
but I'm an introvert.

475
00:23:04,167 --> 00:23:06,333
That's why we're not talking.
I am, right?

476
00:23:06,375 --> 00:23:09,917
I'm an introvert.

477
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,625
I'm an introvert,
and I like silence and solitude.

478
00:23:13,667 --> 00:23:16,208
I like books written
by dead people,

479
00:23:16,292 --> 00:23:20,500
and I like to be left alone; and
God is laughing at me every day

480
00:23:20,542 --> 00:23:23,000
with the job that he's given me.

481
00:23:23,042 --> 00:23:25,833
And so I wanted my home
to be a quiet place,

482
00:23:25,875 --> 00:23:28,667
where I could come home,
read the Puritans, drink tea,

483
00:23:28,750 --> 00:23:32,083
and have my wife rub my neck
until I felt like it was time

484
00:23:32,167 --> 00:23:33,500
to go to sleep.

485
00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:35,667
That was pretty much
what I was praying for.

486
00:23:35,750 --> 00:23:38,333
And instead,
Grace had an idea

487
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:40,500
that since we
were going to do ministry,

488
00:23:40,583 --> 00:23:42,208
it had to be
a random home.

489
00:23:42,292 --> 00:23:43,792
So, we, in the early years,

490
00:23:43,833 --> 00:23:45,625
we always had people
living with us,

491
00:23:45,667 --> 00:23:47,208
interns, homeless kids.

492
00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:48,625
There was one year,

493
00:23:48,667 --> 00:23:50,333
between the Bible studies
that we taught

494
00:23:50,375 --> 00:23:51,708
and the counseling we did,

495
00:23:51,792 --> 00:23:54,333
we had over 2,000 people
in our home,

496
00:23:54,375 --> 00:23:57,125
and she was determined
to feed every one,

497
00:23:57,167 --> 00:24:00,667
and she was determined to
cook everything from scratch,

498
00:24:00,750 --> 00:24:03,708
while she was working
a full-time, high-stress job.

499
00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:06,417
I was still working
a full-time job,

500
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:08,333
and we were doing
ministry together

501
00:24:08,375 --> 00:24:10,333
on evenings and weekends.

502
00:24:10,375 --> 00:24:13,208
And then when she quit her job,
she threw all her time

503
00:24:13,292 --> 00:24:15,792
into ministry, and I threw
all my time into ministry.

504
00:24:15,833 --> 00:24:18,333
I think, for us,
ministry became idolatry,

505
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:21,500
and our priorities got
completely out of order,

506
00:24:21,583 --> 00:24:23,375
and our friendship
and our marriage

507
00:24:23,458 --> 00:24:25,875
just was basically
a partnership.

508
00:24:25,958 --> 00:24:31,167
It wasn't really a close,
affectionate connection.

509
00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:34,000
And so we would fight,
at times,

510
00:24:34,042 --> 00:24:35,917
over the course of years.

511
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,625
"Why are they coming over?
Why do you need to leave?

512
00:24:38,667 --> 00:24:40,833
"Why can't they make
their own lasagna?

513
00:24:40,875 --> 00:24:43,125
"Why do we have
to be involved in this?

514
00:24:43,167 --> 00:24:45,583
"Not everyone who comes
to the church needs to eat

515
00:24:45,667 --> 00:24:47,125
"something you've cooked!

516
00:24:47,167 --> 00:24:49,333
Sit down, Martha, sit down."

517
00:24:49,375 --> 00:24:53,208
So--and then I would
say it in a harsh way,

518
00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:57,167
and I would get frustrated,
and part of it was my fault,

519
00:24:57,250 --> 00:25:00,500
because I didn't sit down
with Grace and explain to her,

520
00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:06,833
"I want more of an open to
closed home in another state

521
00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:10,208
"on a mountain with no roads.

522
00:25:10,292 --> 00:25:12,958
I mean, that's really--"

523
00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:21,125
We were a mess, right,
with a fast-growing church.

524
00:25:21,167 --> 00:25:23,708
No pastor for us,
no mentor, no counselors.

525
00:25:23,792 --> 00:25:25,125
Some of you would say,

526
00:25:25,167 --> 00:25:26,625
"Why didn't you meet
with counselors?"

527
00:25:26,667 --> 00:25:29,500
Well, we met with a few
pastors, at least I tried.

528
00:25:29,542 --> 00:25:32,167
The first one I met with,
in the course of--

529
00:25:32,250 --> 00:25:33,833
I just felt compelled early on,

530
00:25:33,875 --> 00:25:35,833
he's like,
"Why do you want to meet?"

531
00:25:35,875 --> 00:25:38,333
I said, "Well, you wrote
a good book on marriage,

532
00:25:38,375 --> 00:25:40,083
"and I'd like to ask
some questions.

533
00:25:40,167 --> 00:25:42,083
We're having a hard--"
I looked at him.

534
00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:44,083
I was like,
"Let me just ask you."

535
00:25:44,167 --> 00:25:46,292
I said, "Have you been
faithful to your wife?"

536
00:25:46,333 --> 00:25:47,667
He said, "Well, no."

537
00:25:47,750 --> 00:25:50,667
"Well then this is going to be
a very short counseling meeting.

538
00:25:50,750 --> 00:25:52,417
"Really, you wrote
a book on marriage

539
00:25:52,500 --> 00:25:53,833
"that's a really good book,

540
00:25:53,875 --> 00:25:56,708
and you're cheating
on your wife right now?"

541
00:25:56,792 --> 00:25:58,125
"Yeah."

542
00:25:58,167 --> 00:25:59,500
"Oh, my gosh."

543
00:25:59,583 --> 00:26:02,333
So even the handful of people
we tried to meet with,

544
00:26:02,375 --> 00:26:04,500
to be honest with you,
didn't go really well,

545
00:26:04,583 --> 00:26:06,208
and some of it was
really devastating.

546
00:26:06,292 --> 00:26:08,583
And we had friends
who tried to counsel us

547
00:26:08,667 --> 00:26:11,375
and give us some advice,
but to be honest with you,

548
00:26:11,458 --> 00:26:13,875
either we weren't listening,
or it wasn't helping.

549
00:26:13,958 --> 00:26:16,500
So we just decided,
hang in there and hunker down.

550
00:26:16,542 --> 00:26:19,083
And then went a decade.

551
00:26:19,167 --> 00:26:21,292
Some of you are like,
"Where's the happy part?"

552
00:26:21,333 --> 00:26:23,333
It comes later, right?

553
00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:25,708
This is the real part
in marriage.

554
00:26:25,792 --> 00:26:29,208
For about a decade,
now we've got five kids.

555
00:26:29,292 --> 00:26:31,917
Now the church is
really growing.

556
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,792
Now I'm broken physically.

557
00:26:33,833 --> 00:26:35,583
Adrenal glands are fatigued,

558
00:26:35,667 --> 00:26:37,167
and neurotransmitters
are fatigued.

559
00:26:37,250 --> 00:26:39,167
I'm tired,
and I can't think straight,

560
00:26:39,250 --> 00:26:41,667
but my job is to preach
all day on Sunday

561
00:26:41,750 --> 00:26:44,292
while my critics try to see me
make a mistake.

562
00:26:44,333 --> 00:26:46,625
Lots of pressure and stress.

563
00:26:46,667 --> 00:26:51,708
Things are growing very fast,
and we had, I think we had

564
00:26:51,792 --> 00:26:55,083
one of those make or break
days in our marriage.

565
00:26:55,167 --> 00:26:58,625
We were sitting on
a couch upstairs.

566
00:26:58,667 --> 00:27:01,333
These are all stories
that--and some of you wonder,

567
00:27:01,375 --> 00:27:04,125
"Why is Mark telling us this?
Is this really appropriate?"

568
00:27:04,167 --> 00:27:06,125
Grace wrote it all in the book,

569
00:27:06,167 --> 00:27:07,792
and I've never
shared these things,

570
00:27:07,833 --> 00:27:09,667
because it's
her story, not mine,

571
00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:12,500
and I want to honor her,
confess my own sin,

572
00:27:12,583 --> 00:27:14,667
but not talk about
things in her life.

573
00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:16,625
That's her prerogative
as to whether or not

574
00:27:16,667 --> 00:27:18,417
she wants to do that publicly.

575
00:27:18,500 --> 00:27:20,875
And she's very brave,
and she wants to help people,

576
00:27:20,958 --> 00:27:24,375
and so she has decided to share
these things now publicly

577
00:27:24,458 --> 00:27:26,333
for the first time.

578
00:27:26,375 --> 00:27:30,333
But we had
this evening where we were,

579
00:27:30,375 --> 00:27:33,917
we were sitting upstairs
on a couch,

580
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,708
and our kids were in bed.

581
00:27:35,792 --> 00:27:38,500
We were just hanging out.

582
00:27:38,583 --> 00:27:41,667
And I would say that our
marriage was not hostile,

583
00:27:41,750 --> 00:27:43,708
but it wasn't warm.

584
00:27:43,792 --> 00:27:46,333
It was just more cool.

585
00:27:46,375 --> 00:27:49,375
And we were sitting
on the couch,

586
00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:52,500
and I just started asking her
some questions about

587
00:27:52,583 --> 00:27:55,833
previous experiences in her
life and relationships.

588
00:27:55,875 --> 00:28:01,000
And this was an area we'd
explored previously, but I just,

589
00:28:01,083 --> 00:28:05,833
for some reason, started asking
questions again in that area.

590
00:28:05,875 --> 00:28:08,208
And Grace, as her
name would indicate,

591
00:28:08,292 --> 00:28:10,792
was gracious enough
to answer them.

592
00:28:10,833 --> 00:28:13,625
And she explained some things
that had happened to her.

593
00:28:13,667 --> 00:28:19,625
And she looked at me,
and I'm bawling.

594
00:28:19,667 --> 00:28:22,792
At that point,
I was not a crier.

595
00:28:22,833 --> 00:28:25,125
Now that I've gotten,
by the grace of God,

596
00:28:25,167 --> 00:28:27,583
over my bitterness
and repented of it as sin,

597
00:28:27,667 --> 00:28:30,417
and the Holy Spirit is
making me more like Jesus,

598
00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:33,000
I cry a lot more,
to be honest with you,

599
00:28:33,042 --> 00:28:35,667
especially when it comes
to women and children

600
00:28:35,750 --> 00:28:38,125
who have been harmed.

601
00:28:38,167 --> 00:28:39,833
It's real devastating for me,

602
00:28:39,875 --> 00:28:42,208
based upon what I've seen
in my history

603
00:28:42,292 --> 00:28:45,333
and what I now know
of my wife--

604
00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:47,417
and I mean not
my personal history.

605
00:28:47,500 --> 00:28:49,417
I've never harmed
a woman or a child,

606
00:28:49,500 --> 00:28:52,167
but what I've witnessed
from other men.

607
00:28:52,250 --> 00:28:54,000
And she looked at me.

608
00:28:54,083 --> 00:28:56,000
She said, "Oh, my gosh.
I'm so sorry.

609
00:28:56,042 --> 00:28:58,333
What did I say wrong?"

610
00:28:58,375 --> 00:29:00,833
And I said, "You didn't
say anything wrong, honey.

611
00:29:00,875 --> 00:29:03,500
"You're a rape victim.

612
00:29:03,583 --> 00:29:06,500
You're a sexual assault victim."

613
00:29:06,542 --> 00:29:08,500
I said, "I didn't
know that about you.

614
00:29:08,542 --> 00:29:09,875
I've known you for--"

615
00:29:09,958 --> 00:29:14,708
Gosh, at that point,
this was 6 years ago.

616
00:29:14,792 --> 00:29:20,708
We met in 1988, so this
would've been in maybe 2006,

617
00:29:20,792 --> 00:29:23,167
5 or 6 years ago.

618
00:29:23,250 --> 00:29:27,667
I'd known her for,
what is that, 18 years.

619
00:29:27,750 --> 00:29:30,083
I didn't know.

620
00:29:30,167 --> 00:29:32,333
And to be honest with you,
she didn't know.

621
00:29:32,375 --> 00:29:37,333
She'd never really connected her
story to the reality

622
00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:40,500
of what was done to her.

623
00:29:40,583 --> 00:29:45,208
And I remember thinking,
"Okay, it's been a long time,

624
00:29:45,292 --> 00:29:48,333
but now I know my wife."

625
00:29:48,375 --> 00:29:51,333
The truth is sometimes,
when we're dating,

626
00:29:51,375 --> 00:29:55,500
we're playing a role like
an actor or an actress, right,

627
00:29:55,542 --> 00:29:58,708
trying to appear as someone.

628
00:29:58,792 --> 00:30:00,833
And then once you're
married for a while,

629
00:30:00,875 --> 00:30:05,208
you figure out who you're
actually married to.

630
00:30:05,292 --> 00:30:08,083
Well, now I knew my wife,

631
00:30:08,167 --> 00:30:12,583
and I knew what the root
of our struggles was.

632
00:30:12,667 --> 00:30:14,625
Yes, I had bitterness.

633
00:30:14,667 --> 00:30:16,375
Yes, we'd had a secret.

634
00:30:16,458 --> 00:30:18,000
Yes, life was complicated.

635
00:30:18,083 --> 00:30:19,625
Yes, we didn't have a pastor.

636
00:30:19,667 --> 00:30:22,333
Yes, we didn't have
a lot of good counsel.

637
00:30:22,375 --> 00:30:27,208
But the real problem was that my
wife had been sinned against

638
00:30:27,292 --> 00:30:32,500
and that, as a result of that,
anytime I would become angry,

639
00:30:32,583 --> 00:30:37,208
or irritated, or my voice
would denote such an emotion,

640
00:30:37,292 --> 00:30:40,500
she would shut down
and become very fearful,

641
00:30:40,583 --> 00:30:45,417
which makes absolutely perfect
sense and is quite reasonable.

642
00:30:45,500 --> 00:30:49,208
And it indicated why I
knew that she loved me,

643
00:30:49,292 --> 00:30:51,000
and I knew that I loved her,

644
00:30:51,083 --> 00:30:53,500
and I knew that we
wanted to be together,

645
00:30:53,542 --> 00:30:56,625
but it was so hard
for us to have that real close

646
00:30:56,667 --> 00:31:00,583
intimacy that we felt was
possible as Christians,

647
00:31:00,667 --> 00:31:03,333
and now I knew why.

648
00:31:03,375 --> 00:31:07,167
And so Grace has got a whole
chapter on that experience,

649
00:31:07,250 --> 00:31:10,083
and what she learned, and how
to help others in the book.

650
00:31:10,167 --> 00:31:12,000
It's why we do
Redemption Groups

651
00:31:12,083 --> 00:31:13,500
at Mars Hill Church.

652
00:31:13,542 --> 00:31:16,125
Some of you may ask, "Why were
Redemption Groups created,

653
00:31:16,167 --> 00:31:18,792
"and why do we put such
an emphasis on women

654
00:31:18,833 --> 00:31:21,583
who have been assaulted,
as well as men?"

655
00:31:21,667 --> 00:31:25,500
That's why, because there
weren't the kind of resources

656
00:31:25,583 --> 00:31:29,333
that I felt would be
most helpful for my wife.

657
00:31:29,375 --> 00:31:32,417
And so, as a church,
we rallied support

658
00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:38,500
and wanted to help create
a church that could help people

659
00:31:38,542 --> 00:31:42,917
and to provide those resources
to other churches.

660
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,417
Well, at that point,

661
00:31:46,500 --> 00:31:51,417
everything really was
in a very raw,

662
00:31:51,500 --> 00:31:56,708
fragile, dangerous place
in our marriage.

663
00:31:56,792 --> 00:32:02,917
And I remember thinking,
"If now that we know everything

664
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:07,417
"that we need to know is out,
if we deal with this,

665
00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:10,333
"things could get better,
but it's going to be years.

666
00:32:10,375 --> 00:32:13,500
"And if we don't,
things are going to get worse,

667
00:32:13,583 --> 00:32:16,500
and it'll be like that
for the rest of our lives."

668
00:32:16,583 --> 00:32:19,667
And so I remember
praying over Grace,

669
00:32:19,750 --> 00:32:25,333
and I remember us
having multiple-- 

670
00:32:25,375 --> 00:32:27,333
These kinds of conversations,

671
00:32:27,375 --> 00:32:30,792
whatever the issue is in your
marriage: adultery, infidelity,

672
00:32:30,833 --> 00:32:36,500
pornography, fornication,
emotional affair, bitterness,

673
00:32:36,542 --> 00:32:40,000
fear from family of origins,
whatever it is,

674
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,625
it's not a conversation,
and you move on.

675
00:32:42,667 --> 00:32:45,208
It's going to be
a series of conversations,

676
00:32:45,292 --> 00:32:48,375
and those conversations
could be very painful,

677
00:32:48,458 --> 00:32:51,125
and they could be
tear-filled and hard,

678
00:32:51,167 --> 00:32:53,917
and they could be frequent,
and over the course of years,

679
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,000
they may become less frequent.

680
00:32:56,083 --> 00:33:00,292
But the truth is it's a life
process called sanctification,

681
00:33:00,333 --> 00:33:04,333
which is together, as friends,
learning to be like Jesus

682
00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:08,125
and learning to be like
Jesus to one another.

683
00:33:08,167 --> 00:33:12,375
And what I realized at that time
is that at the root

684
00:33:12,458 --> 00:33:15,333
of much of my sin against Grace,

685
00:33:15,375 --> 00:33:17,833
at least the sin
I'd carried in my heart,

686
00:33:17,875 --> 00:33:20,417
was that I had
idolized Grace.

687
00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:23,083
I had made her into an idol.

688
00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,708
The Bible says that God
alone is to be worshiped,

689
00:33:25,792 --> 00:33:30,208
and we're not to worship any
created thing, in Romans 1:25,

690
00:33:30,292 --> 00:33:32,500
and that would
include our spouse.

691
00:33:32,583 --> 00:33:36,125
And Jonathan Edwards, the great
American theologian, he said,

692
00:33:36,167 --> 00:33:38,292
"If you idolize,
you will demonize."

693
00:33:38,333 --> 00:33:40,500
That's a good insight.

694
00:33:40,583 --> 00:33:42,708
It's a good insight.

695
00:33:42,792 --> 00:33:44,708
That's why the Ten Commandments
start with,

696
00:33:44,792 --> 00:33:46,708
"There's one God.
Worship him alone."

697
00:33:46,792 --> 00:33:50,625
Because all sin comes out of,
ultimately, idolatry.

698
00:33:50,667 --> 00:33:54,500
And God deeply convicted me that
what I wanted from Grace

699
00:33:54,583 --> 00:33:57,625
was I wanted her to be
the perfect friend.

700
00:33:57,667 --> 00:34:00,667
I wanted her to never
leave me nor forsake me.

701
00:34:00,750 --> 00:34:04,167
I wanted her to encourage me
when I was down

702
00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:06,833
and to correct me
when I was wrong.

703
00:34:06,875 --> 00:34:12,083
I wanted her to be Jesus.

704
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:18,000
And when she wasn't Jesus,
I went from idolizing her

705
00:34:18,083 --> 00:34:21,667
to demonizing her.

706
00:34:21,750 --> 00:34:28,333
And what that caused in me
was tremendous selfishness,

707
00:34:28,375 --> 00:34:32,500
judging Grace
and the way she fell short,

708
00:34:32,583 --> 00:34:36,625
rather than loving Grace
and looking for the ways

709
00:34:36,667 --> 00:34:39,333
that I was falling short
and by the grace of God

710
00:34:39,375 --> 00:34:42,625
could be a better friend to her.

711
00:34:42,667 --> 00:34:45,875
I don't think that's uncommon
in marriage, but I think,

712
00:34:45,958 --> 00:34:49,833
in the church, it's unspoken.

713
00:34:49,875 --> 00:34:53,917
And I told Grace at that point.

714
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,625
I mean, I apologized, repented.

715
00:34:55,667 --> 00:34:58,000
We cried and prayed,
and I told her,

716
00:34:58,083 --> 00:34:59,708
"Here's what we're going to do.

717
00:34:59,792 --> 00:35:01,833
We're going to do
everything different."

718
00:35:01,875 --> 00:35:06,083
Because at this point,
it was not put together well.

719
00:35:06,167 --> 00:35:09,000
This was not a plan
for, "Fifty years later,

720
00:35:09,083 --> 00:35:13,917
they're best friends,
and everybody sees it."

721
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,667
The truth is I would've never
been fired from ministry,

722
00:35:17,750 --> 00:35:21,000
because there was
no disqualifying sin:

723
00:35:21,083 --> 00:35:25,625
no pornography, no emotional
adultery, no physical affair.

724
00:35:25,667 --> 00:35:30,708
There was no disqualifying sin.

725
00:35:30,792 --> 00:35:32,917
Like so many
Christian marriages,

726
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,917
we had ourselves in a place

727
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,125
where we couldn't
really get disciplined,

728
00:35:37,167 --> 00:35:42,625
but we really
didn't have delight.

729
00:35:42,667 --> 00:35:46,625
We want so much more for you
than just to be in a place where

730
00:35:46,667 --> 00:35:48,792
you can't be disciplined.

731
00:35:48,833 --> 00:35:51,708
We want you to be in a place
where you have delight.

732
00:35:51,792 --> 00:35:55,292
And I told Grace, "Okay,
our priorities biblically,

733
00:35:55,333 --> 00:35:58,000
"because we're
hardcore Bible people,

734
00:35:58,083 --> 00:36:02,208
"Jesus, our friendship
with Jesus, number one;

735
00:36:02,292 --> 00:36:05,583
"number two, our friendship
with each other;

736
00:36:05,667 --> 00:36:08,000
"number three, our friendship
with our kids;

737
00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:11,417
"and, number four,
my job as a pastor

738
00:36:11,500 --> 00:36:14,083
"and your job
as a wife and mother.

739
00:36:14,167 --> 00:36:17,500
"And we're going to put our
life together in a way that

740
00:36:17,583 --> 00:36:23,500
"our schedule and our emotions
actually reflect the convictions

741
00:36:23,542 --> 00:36:26,500
that we have, based upon
the teaching of the Bible."

742
00:36:26,542 --> 00:36:29,125
And what that means is
other people are going to be

743
00:36:29,167 --> 00:36:30,708
really inconvenienced
and really unhappy,

744
00:36:30,792 --> 00:36:33,417
because here's what we found
when we started to make changes

745
00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:36,167
in our life to say,
"Sorry, can't do that.

746
00:36:36,250 --> 00:36:38,625
"Sorry, can't go there.
Sorry, the answer is no.

747
00:36:38,667 --> 00:36:40,792
"Sorry, things have changed.

748
00:36:40,833 --> 00:36:45,417
My wife needs me,
and I need her."

749
00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:47,917
When the Bible says it's
not good to be alone,

750
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:51,625
it included us.

751
00:36:51,667 --> 00:36:54,708
What we found was
other people idolized us,

752
00:36:54,792 --> 00:36:57,875
and as soon as they didn't get
what they were accustomed to,

753
00:36:57,958 --> 00:37:00,167
as far as relationship,
and intimacy, and access,

754
00:37:00,250 --> 00:37:03,000
and emotion, they
demonized us as well.

755
00:37:03,083 --> 00:37:04,417
Let me tell you this.

756
00:37:04,500 --> 00:37:07,792
If you are going to make Jesus
and your spouse your

757
00:37:07,833 --> 00:37:11,708
first priorities, other people
are going to get angry.

758
00:37:11,792 --> 00:37:14,000
Other people
are going to get upset.

759
00:37:14,083 --> 00:37:16,917
Your family members may have
all kinds of judgments.

760
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:21,292
People who work close to you
and are put in another position relationally,

761
00:37:21,333 --> 00:37:23,000
"You can't call.
You can't drop in.

762
00:37:23,083 --> 00:37:24,500
"You can't text.
You can't e-mail.

763
00:37:24,583 --> 00:37:27,208
"Right now, I'm really focusing
on my friendship with Jesus

764
00:37:27,292 --> 00:37:30,417
and my spouse, and those are
my first priorities."

765
00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:35,208
It's amazing how other people
want you to be their idol,

766
00:37:35,292 --> 00:37:39,625
and they want to be your idol,
and they want to cut in line

767
00:37:39,667 --> 00:37:44,000
for the priorities
that God has given you.

768
00:37:44,083 --> 00:37:47,417
But it's worth it,
it's worth it,

769
00:37:47,500 --> 00:37:50,667
because God's way
is always the best way,

770
00:37:50,750 --> 00:37:52,333
to do whatever it takes,

771
00:37:52,375 --> 00:37:55,000
in the grace of God,
to get closer to Jesus

772
00:37:55,083 --> 00:37:58,417
and closer to your spouse
with Jesus.

773
00:37:58,500 --> 00:38:01,333
And by the grace of God, we did.

774
00:38:01,375 --> 00:38:06,500
We made massive changes,
massive changes.

775
00:38:06,542 --> 00:38:09,625
And what happened was we started
to have more time

776
00:38:09,667 --> 00:38:12,917
for each other, good time.

777
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,500
We started to have
more emotion for one another.

778
00:38:16,542 --> 00:38:18,917
Rather than just trying to
figure out who's going to

779
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:23,625
pick up the kids, we had
real conversations.

780
00:38:23,667 --> 00:38:28,125
We started really focusing
on building our friendship.

781
00:38:28,167 --> 00:38:30,833
We'll talk about that
in the next sermon,

782
00:38:30,875 --> 00:38:34,000
and it's all of chapter two.

783
00:38:34,042 --> 00:38:38,000
And I tell you all of this,
because this is a testimony,

784
00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:41,000
and we want you
to have a testimony.

785
00:38:41,083 --> 00:38:43,500
And the difference between
a testimony and a biography

786
00:38:43,542 --> 00:38:46,208
is this:
a biography is about me,

787
00:38:46,292 --> 00:38:47,833
and a testimony is about Jesus.

788
00:38:47,875 --> 00:38:49,208
And a biography is about,

789
00:38:49,292 --> 00:38:52,208
"Here's the changes I made
in my life, and now I'm happy."

790
00:38:52,292 --> 00:38:54,833
A testimony is, "Here's
the sin I've repented of,

791
00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:58,625
and now I'm more like Jesus,
whether or not I'm more happy."

792
00:38:58,667 --> 00:39:01,500
A testimony is about
what Jesus does.

793
00:39:01,583 --> 00:39:03,417
A biography is about what we do.

794
00:39:03,500 --> 00:39:05,500
In a biography,
we're the hero.

795
00:39:05,542 --> 00:39:09,875
In the testimony,
Jesus is the hero.

796
00:39:09,958 --> 00:39:11,667
And you can be Christians who

797
00:39:11,750 --> 00:39:13,917
even have a good theology
of marriage,

798
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:18,333
but don't have a good marriage,
because for you,

799
00:39:18,375 --> 00:39:22,708
it's just theology
and not testimony.

800
00:39:22,792 --> 00:39:26,708
I started by saying that Satan
proceeds from a wedding to a war

801
00:39:26,792 --> 00:39:28,500
in the first book of the Bible,

802
00:39:28,583 --> 00:39:30,500
and then the last book
of the Bible

803
00:39:30,583 --> 00:39:32,417
tells us how
we defeat our enemy.

804
00:39:32,500 --> 00:39:36,333
And Revelation 12:11, it says,
"They have conquered him by

805
00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:39,583
the blood of the Lamb and by
the word of their testimony."

806
00:39:39,667 --> 00:39:42,292
You want to defeat Satan
in your life and marriage?

807
00:39:42,333 --> 00:39:43,833
Here's how you do it:

808
00:39:43,875 --> 00:39:46,292
the Lamb,
the blood of the Lamb.

809
00:39:46,333 --> 00:39:49,333
Jesus, as that
substitutionary sacrifice,

810
00:39:49,375 --> 00:39:52,000
Jesus is the one
who dies for sin,

811
00:39:52,042 --> 00:39:55,000
so that you don't have to kill
one another, or your love,

812
00:39:55,042 --> 00:39:59,333
or joy, or trust, or marriage,
that Jesus dies for your sin,

813
00:39:59,375 --> 00:40:01,500
so you could put
your sin to death,

814
00:40:01,583 --> 00:40:04,625
including sins of selfishness,
and idolatry, and bitterness,

815
00:40:04,667 --> 00:40:07,292
like me.

816
00:40:07,333 --> 00:40:11,833
Because of the blood
of the Lamb,

817
00:40:11,875 --> 00:40:15,333
there's a testimony,
and the testimony here

818
00:40:15,375 --> 00:40:19,833
is that we need to talk
about why the Lamb died,

819
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,708
Jesus Christ,
the Lamb of God

820
00:40:21,792 --> 00:40:23,917
who takes away the sins
of the world.

821
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,000
Our testimony
can never just be,

822
00:40:26,083 --> 00:40:28,333
"Jesus went to the cross
and died for sinners."

823
00:40:28,375 --> 00:40:32,000
It has to be, "Jesus went to
the cross and died for my sins,

824
00:40:32,042 --> 00:40:33,708
"and here they are,

825
00:40:33,792 --> 00:40:36,708
"and the blood of the Lamb
literally was shed

826
00:40:36,792 --> 00:40:40,417
"in my place for my
transgressions and my guilt,

827
00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:43,667
"to bring my forgiveness,
to cleanse my shame,

828
00:40:43,750 --> 00:40:49,125
to remove my filth, so that
I would have a testimony,

829
00:40:49,167 --> 00:40:53,000
talking about the victory of
this triumphant warrior Lamb."

830
00:40:53,042 --> 00:40:55,667
It's amazing imagery.

831
00:40:55,750 --> 00:40:58,792
What's your testimony right now?

832
00:40:58,833 --> 00:41:01,000
Or is your life
just a biography?

833
00:41:01,083 --> 00:41:04,875
"I did this, they did that,
so we're stuck here."

834
00:41:04,958 --> 00:41:08,917
Or is your story
actually God's story?

835
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:13,417
"I did this, they did that,
Jesus died, so we have hope,

836
00:41:13,500 --> 00:41:19,000
we have forgiveness, we have
life, and we have Christ."

837
00:41:19,083 --> 00:41:22,500
And I'm not just talking in
a theoretical, theological way.

838
00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:26,333
I'm talking in
a day-by-day practical way.

839
00:41:26,375 --> 00:41:28,708
I'm talking in
the integration of the living,

840
00:41:28,792 --> 00:41:32,208
resurrected Jesus Christ,
the Lamb of God who takes away

841
00:41:32,292 --> 00:41:35,875
the sins of the world
in the hard stuff of daily life;

842
00:41:35,958 --> 00:41:39,125
not just the ethereal,
theological, theoretical,

843
00:41:39,167 --> 00:41:43,292
but the practical
and the painful.

844
00:41:43,333 --> 00:41:47,125
That's a testimony.

845
00:41:47,167 --> 00:41:52,500
Grace and I
have got a testimony.

846
00:41:52,583 --> 00:41:55,875
The biography was not great,

847
00:41:55,958 --> 00:41:58,083
but the testimony,

848
00:41:58,167 --> 00:42:02,083
though it's really hard
for me, to be honest with you,

849
00:42:02,167 --> 00:42:05,792
because I like being a leader.

850
00:42:05,833 --> 00:42:10,208
I like being respected.

851
00:42:10,292 --> 00:42:14,833
But more than that,
I like God to be glorified.

852
00:42:14,875 --> 00:42:19,083
And I can't be of any help to
you unless I'm honest with you,

853
00:42:19,167 --> 00:42:21,625
and you can't be
of any help to each other

854
00:42:21,667 --> 00:42:23,917
unless you're honest
with each other.

855
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,125
And if we say that
Jesus died for sin,

856
00:42:26,167 --> 00:42:29,167
but we don't talk about our sin,
what we're saying is

857
00:42:29,250 --> 00:42:32,167
we don't really believe
that his death was for us,

858
00:42:32,250 --> 00:42:36,083
and we don't believe that his
resurrection is the hope

859
00:42:36,167 --> 00:42:39,042
for our new life together.

860
00:42:43,833 --> 00:42:47,417
We have a lot of hope for you.

861
00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:52,917
We tell you our testimony, not
because that in and of itself

862
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,833
would make a great book.

863
00:42:54,875 --> 00:42:56,333
It wouldn't.

864
00:42:56,375 --> 00:43:00,083
It would make
a great horror film.

865
00:43:00,167 --> 00:43:05,625
But because you may be
in a place that's not great,

866
00:43:05,667 --> 00:43:08,708
and what you don't need is
another preacher and his wife

867
00:43:08,792 --> 00:43:10,708
just telling how
everything is great,

868
00:43:10,792 --> 00:43:13,875
and if you buy their products,
yours can be great, too.

869
00:43:13,958 --> 00:43:16,500
I think what you need is
two repentant sinners

870
00:43:16,542 --> 00:43:18,875
to tell you that Jesus
is the Lamb of God

871
00:43:18,958 --> 00:43:21,083
who takes away the sins
of the world,

872
00:43:21,167 --> 00:43:24,083
and together with him,
you can have a testimony,

873
00:43:24,167 --> 00:43:30,917
and to invite you to him
together to have that testimony.

874
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:33,875
If the story of your life
and marriage was concluded

875
00:43:33,958 --> 00:43:36,583
right now, would it be one
you'd be happy to have

876
00:43:36,667 --> 00:43:39,208
your great-grandchildren read?

877
00:43:39,292 --> 00:43:43,208
If not, then get Jesus involved
and keep writing that story,

878
00:43:43,292 --> 00:43:47,125
by the grace of God.

879
00:43:47,167 --> 00:43:51,125
A few things I want
to hit, as well,

880
00:43:51,167 --> 00:43:54,083
and that is that
in our testimony,

881
00:43:54,167 --> 00:43:57,333
God has given us a new
marriage with the same spouse.

882
00:43:57,375 --> 00:43:59,917
That's the language
we use for chapter one.

883
00:44:00,042 --> 00:44:03,000
As we've taught this content
and shared it with people,

884
00:44:03,083 --> 00:44:05,500
we've had a lot of people
come up and say,

885
00:44:05,583 --> 00:44:06,917
"I need a new spouse."

886
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,667
Well, first of all,
you need to be a new spouse.

887
00:44:09,750 --> 00:44:12,333
Don't just judge your spouse,
but judge yourself first.

888
00:44:12,375 --> 00:44:14,500
And, number two,
you don't need a new spouse.

889
00:44:14,583 --> 00:44:17,833
You need a new marriage,
and you can get a new marriage

890
00:44:17,875 --> 00:44:20,500
with the old spouse.

891
00:44:20,542 --> 00:44:25,417
If Jesus changes you,
and Jesus changes them,

892
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:28,208
you can have a new marriage
with the same spouse.

893
00:44:28,292 --> 00:44:30,833
That's our story.

894
00:44:30,875 --> 00:44:32,417
Grace is different,
I'm different,

895
00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:33,875
the marriage is different.

896
00:44:33,958 --> 00:44:35,917
I'll be honest with you.

897
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:37,667
We're really happy.

898
00:44:37,750 --> 00:44:40,417
She thinks I'm funny, right?

899
00:44:40,500 --> 00:44:43,292
So, I say crazy things,
and she's got the biggest laugh

900
00:44:43,333 --> 00:44:44,792
I've ever heard.

901
00:44:44,833 --> 00:44:46,333
I can't wait to get home.

902
00:44:46,375 --> 00:44:48,417
I'm texting her throughout
the course of today.

903
00:44:48,500 --> 00:44:50,167
I just want to be connected.

904
00:44:50,250 --> 00:44:53,417
I hate traveling more than ever,
because if I can't be with her,

905
00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:56,875
I'm grumpy, and I'm moody,
and I'm frustrated.

906
00:44:56,958 --> 00:44:59,000
I look forward to
getting old with her.

907
00:44:59,083 --> 00:45:01,292
We love this season
when the kids are little.

908
00:45:01,333 --> 00:45:03,292
It's really great,
and we have great kids,

909
00:45:03,333 --> 00:45:05,500
and we praise God for them,
but, you know,

910
00:45:05,542 --> 00:45:08,208
when they grow up and leave
home, that'll be cool, too.

911
00:45:08,292 --> 00:45:10,000
You know?

912
00:45:10,042 --> 00:45:11,917
Like, right now, Gideon
just started school,

913
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,667
so the kids are in school

914
00:45:13,750 --> 00:45:15,875
at least for the first half
of the day.

915
00:45:15,958 --> 00:45:18,083
We could have coffee together.
We could visit together.

916
00:45:18,167 --> 00:45:19,583
We could go for walks together.

917
00:45:19,667 --> 00:45:21,792
I even go to the grocery store
with her.

918
00:45:21,833 --> 00:45:24,500
I hate the grocery store.

919
00:45:24,542 --> 00:45:26,625
I don't like
to go to the store.

920
00:45:26,667 --> 00:45:28,333
But even sometimes now,
I'll be like,

921
00:45:28,375 --> 00:45:29,708
"Hey, where are you going?"

922
00:45:29,792 --> 00:45:31,292
"I'm going to
the grocery store."

923
00:45:31,333 --> 00:45:33,000
"Well, hold on,
I've gotta go, too."

924
00:45:33,083 --> 00:45:35,208
She's like, "You don't
go to the grocery store."

925
00:45:35,292 --> 00:45:36,625
"I know, but you're there,

926
00:45:36,667 --> 00:45:39,125
and I just want to be
wherever you're at."

927
00:45:39,167 --> 00:45:41,833
I like being with her.

928
00:45:41,875 --> 00:45:46,292
One of her greatest ministries
to me now is just her presence,

929
00:45:46,333 --> 00:45:49,708
just having her there.

930
00:45:49,792 --> 00:45:52,333
We want you to have a testimony.

931
00:45:52,375 --> 00:45:55,333
Our testimony is that
he's forgiven us of sin,

932
00:45:55,375 --> 00:45:57,333
and he's allowed us
to forgive one another.

933
00:45:57,375 --> 00:46:01,625
I can tell you that there is
no bitterness in our marriage,

934
00:46:01,667 --> 00:46:04,125
but there is Jesus.

935
00:46:04,167 --> 00:46:06,917
He's given us the Holy Spirit
to live new lives.

936
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,708
We're not loving one another
with the love that we have.

937
00:46:09,792 --> 00:46:12,500
We're not serving one another
with the power that we have,

938
00:46:12,583 --> 00:46:14,417
that the Holy Spirit
really is God.

939
00:46:14,500 --> 00:46:16,125
He really is alive and well,

940
00:46:16,167 --> 00:46:18,625
and he really is
alive and well in us,

941
00:46:18,667 --> 00:46:22,208
that Jesus really has been
a perfect friend to us both,

942
00:46:22,292 --> 00:46:24,833
and so that perfect friendship
is taken care of,

943
00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:29,500
and he's helping us to be
better friends to one another.

944
00:46:31,292 --> 00:46:36,125
He's also brought into our life
some people who've been through

945
00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,917
some very difficult
and hard things,

946
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:40,667
and they've learned
some lessons,

947
00:46:40,750 --> 00:46:43,667
and they've been gracious
enough to share them with us,

948
00:46:43,750 --> 00:46:45,917
sometimes in counseling,
or in friendship,

949
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,917
or traveling, or teaching.

950
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,917
We're really excited
to share our testimony

951
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,917
and their testimonies with you.

952
00:46:56,000 --> 00:47:00,167
A couple of other things I
wanted to say in closing.

953
00:47:00,250 --> 00:47:03,375
For those of you who are
single and even hearing,

954
00:47:03,458 --> 00:47:07,708
"Oh, we're doing Real Marriage,
oh, the misery of it all,

955
00:47:07,792 --> 00:47:12,792
the reminder that I am single."

956
00:47:12,833 --> 00:47:15,500
Some of you have already
bristled and pushed back

957
00:47:15,583 --> 00:47:18,000
and said,
"I'll see you in 11 weeks.

958
00:47:18,042 --> 00:47:23,500
I'm taking that time off
to read Lamentations."

959
00:47:26,500 --> 00:47:29,417
A few things for those
of you who are single.

960
00:47:29,500 --> 00:47:31,875
Number one, this series is
about biblical relationships

961
00:47:31,958 --> 00:47:33,333
in general.

962
00:47:33,375 --> 00:47:35,208
You have relationships,
so some of these principles

963
00:47:35,292 --> 00:47:37,333
will be helpful.

964
00:47:37,375 --> 00:47:40,333
Number two, the study guide
that Pastor Brad wrote,

965
00:47:40,375 --> 00:47:42,333
and you'll be using
in your Community Groups,

966
00:47:42,375 --> 00:47:45,083
he wrote questions for those
who are married and single.

967
00:47:45,167 --> 00:47:47,000
For the first time
in the nation's history,

968
00:47:47,083 --> 00:47:49,500
the majority of adults
18 and over are single.

969
00:47:49,542 --> 00:47:51,917
We have not omitted you.
We love you.

970
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,500
Additionally, more than nine out
of ten of you, statistically,

971
00:47:54,542 --> 00:47:56,333
will marry.

972
00:47:56,375 --> 00:47:58,917
So, this is preparation.

973
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,875
Take it from a guy

974
00:48:00,958 --> 00:48:03,792
who found the landmines
by driving over them.

975
00:48:03,833 --> 00:48:07,167
A little teaching
up front goes a long way.

976
00:48:07,250 --> 00:48:09,500
Number four, it will help
you to counsel others.

977
00:48:09,583 --> 00:48:11,500
Some of your friends
are engaged, or dating,

978
00:48:11,583 --> 00:48:12,917
or getting married, or married.

979
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:14,333
And just because you're single

980
00:48:14,375 --> 00:48:15,833
doesn't mean
you don't have wisdom.

981
00:48:15,875 --> 00:48:18,000
Paul was single.
He talks a lot about marriage.

982
00:48:18,083 --> 00:48:20,333
Jesus was single.
He talks a lot about marriage.

983
00:48:20,375 --> 00:48:21,875
Just because you're single
doesn't mean

984
00:48:21,958 --> 00:48:23,500
you have to be unwise.

985
00:48:23,542 --> 00:48:25,500
You can give good counsel.

986
00:48:25,542 --> 00:48:28,667
Number five, it helps you to
evaluate your family of origin,

987
00:48:28,750 --> 00:48:32,333
looking back and asking, "What
kind of marriage or relationship

988
00:48:32,375 --> 00:48:34,167
"did my parents
have or not have,

989
00:48:34,250 --> 00:48:36,917
"or my parent's parents
have or not have?

990
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:40,125
"How has that positively
or negatively affected me,

991
00:48:40,167 --> 00:48:44,333
shaped me, molded me,
maybe even harmed me?"

992
00:48:44,375 --> 00:48:46,708
Number six, it allows you
to investigate your idols

993
00:48:46,792 --> 00:48:48,417
of independence and dependence.

994
00:48:48,500 --> 00:48:49,833
Some of you are single and

995
00:48:49,875 --> 00:48:51,208
you have idols of independence.

996
00:48:51,292 --> 00:48:54,375
"I don't want to get married.
I don't want to be tied down.

997
00:48:54,458 --> 00:48:56,583
"I want to come and go
as I please.

998
00:48:56,667 --> 00:48:59,208
I want to do my own thing.
I like being independent."

999
00:48:59,292 --> 00:49:01,000
Some of you have
idols of dependence.

1000
00:49:01,083 --> 00:49:03,500
"I cannot be alone.
I have to have a date.

1001
00:49:03,583 --> 00:49:05,500
"I always need to be
in a relationship.

1002
00:49:05,583 --> 00:49:06,917
I'm terrified of being alone."

1003
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,125
Jesus says he'll never
leave you nor forsake you.

1004
00:49:09,167 --> 00:49:11,417
You're not alone.

1005
00:49:11,500 --> 00:49:14,833
And Jesus is God, and your whole
life is put together by him.

1006
00:49:14,875 --> 00:49:17,625
You're not independent either.

1007
00:49:17,667 --> 00:49:19,833
It allows you to examine
those twin idols

1008
00:49:19,875 --> 00:49:21,625
of dependence or independence.

1009
00:49:21,667 --> 00:49:24,167
It also helps you,
this series will, we hope,

1010
00:49:24,250 --> 00:49:26,792
deal with the sins that have
been committed against you.

1011
00:49:26,833 --> 00:49:29,000
We deal a lot
with sex and sexual sin,

1012
00:49:29,042 --> 00:49:30,375
and sexual assault,

1013
00:49:30,458 --> 00:49:32,875
and I know that with
a high percentage of singles

1014
00:49:32,958 --> 00:49:34,625
in the country
and in Mars Hill,

1015
00:49:34,667 --> 00:49:36,833
some of you have done
things that you regret,

1016
00:49:36,875 --> 00:49:39,333
and you don't know how
to experience healing, and hope,

1017
00:49:39,375 --> 00:49:40,708
and wholeness from it.

1018
00:49:40,792 --> 00:49:42,917
Others of you have had
sins committed against you,

1019
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,917
like my sweetheart, and you need
help, and we're here to help.

1020
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:47,417
It's why we do Community Groups.

1021
00:49:47,500 --> 00:49:49,000
It's why we do
Redemption Groups,

1022
00:49:49,083 --> 00:49:52,000
because, quite frankly, when we
were in our toughest spots,

1023
00:49:52,083 --> 00:49:55,125
we didn't know who to talk to,
and we want Mars Hill

1024
00:49:55,167 --> 00:49:59,375
to be that place for you,
by the grace of God.

1025
00:49:59,458 --> 00:50:02,833
Number eight, it will help you
to learn how to live a full life

1026
00:50:02,875 --> 00:50:04,208
as a single person.

1027
00:50:04,292 --> 00:50:08,917
We worship a single guy named
Jesus, never did marry,

1028
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:10,917
but he lived
a full, perfect life.

1029
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,708
The best life that's ever
lived is God incarnate,

1030
00:50:13,792 --> 00:50:16,125
and we want you
to see, through Jesus,

1031
00:50:16,167 --> 00:50:21,167
that you're not less or sub,
because you are single.

1032
00:50:21,250 --> 00:50:24,708
And number nine,
you might even find a spouse.

1033
00:50:24,792 --> 00:50:26,875
Right?

1034
00:50:26,958 --> 00:50:28,500
Now just think about it.

1035
00:50:28,583 --> 00:50:30,208
I'm talking about marriage,

1036
00:50:30,292 --> 00:50:32,208
and single people
are coming to hear.

1037
00:50:32,292 --> 00:50:35,000
Some of them,
theoretically, could meet.

1038
00:50:35,083 --> 00:50:38,500
And you men need to know, if
a woman is coming to Mars Hill,

1039
00:50:38,583 --> 00:50:41,125
and listening to me talk
about marriage for 11 weeks,

1040
00:50:41,167 --> 00:50:43,917
she obviously has
a high threshold for pain.

1041
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:47,542
She would be a great wife.

1042
00:50:51,292 --> 00:50:54,000
So here's what
we're going to do.

1043
00:50:54,083 --> 00:50:57,500
The sermon isn't done,
because, quite frankly,

1044
00:50:57,583 --> 00:51:00,500
I need you to finish it.

1045
00:51:00,583 --> 00:51:02,917
I've told you our testimony.

1046
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,125
You need to,
by the grace of God,

1047
00:51:05,167 --> 00:51:07,000
together, if you're married,

1048
00:51:07,042 --> 00:51:10,083
or in your own life,
if still single,

1049
00:51:10,167 --> 00:51:12,833
you need to be working
on your testimony.

1050
00:51:12,875 --> 00:51:15,000
Where does Jesus
need to be invited in?

1051
00:51:15,083 --> 00:51:17,292
What's the secret
that needs to be told?

1052
00:51:17,333 --> 00:51:20,708
Is there bitterness
that needs to be addressed?

1053
00:51:20,792 --> 00:51:24,417
Are there idols that need to be
crushed and smashed

1054
00:51:24,500 --> 00:51:27,000
and taken down?

1055
00:51:27,083 --> 00:51:29,000
I don't want you
just to say,

1056
00:51:29,083 --> 00:51:31,083
"Wow, they have
an interesting testimony."

1057
00:51:31,167 --> 00:51:34,125
I want you to have
an interesting testimony

1058
00:51:34,167 --> 00:51:36,500
of the change
that Jesus makes daily,

1059
00:51:36,542 --> 00:51:40,625
practically in the life
of someone who invites him in,

1060
00:51:40,667 --> 00:51:43,167
not to part of life,
but all of life,

1061
00:51:43,250 --> 00:51:46,208
to the dark places,
the shameful places,

1062
00:51:46,292 --> 00:51:49,417
the lonely places,
the devastated places.

1063
00:51:49,500 --> 00:51:52,208
And some of you are fearful
and timid to do that,

1064
00:51:52,292 --> 00:51:53,792
because you think
it'll get worse.

1065
00:51:53,833 --> 00:51:55,792
You know what?
It might.

1066
00:51:55,833 --> 00:51:58,417
And some of you say,
"But if I tell the truth,

1067
00:51:58,500 --> 00:51:59,833
my spouse will leave me."

1068
00:51:59,875 --> 00:52:01,333
They may.

1069
00:52:01,375 --> 00:52:03,000
Our goal is not to destroy you,

1070
00:52:03,083 --> 00:52:05,000
but our goal is
to bring Jesus in

1071
00:52:05,042 --> 00:52:06,375
and then see what happens,

1072
00:52:06,458 --> 00:52:09,583
and that's what faith
is all about.

1073
00:52:09,667 --> 00:52:13,500
We want you to take the risk
of being honest with Jesus,

1074
00:52:13,542 --> 00:52:15,917
and being honest
with one another,

1075
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,625
and to see what Jesus does,

1076
00:52:17,667 --> 00:52:20,708
and to see what ultimately
the testimony is,

1077
00:52:20,792 --> 00:52:24,125
to see him finish
the last chapters of the story

1078
00:52:24,167 --> 00:52:28,000
of the life that he is living
with you, for you, in you,

1079
00:52:28,083 --> 00:52:31,500
and through you, together.

1080
00:52:31,583 --> 00:52:33,583
So, here's what
we're going to do now.

1081
00:52:33,667 --> 00:52:36,333
We're going to invite
you to respond.

1082
00:52:36,375 --> 00:52:39,125
And the story of the Bible
is that God initiates,

1083
00:52:39,167 --> 00:52:40,500
and we respond.

1084
00:52:40,583 --> 00:52:42,500
And so I'm going to ask
the ushers

1085
00:52:42,583 --> 00:52:43,917
to take their position

1086
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,917
and those who are the offering
stewards to collect the offering

1087
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,000
at this time.

1088
00:52:49,083 --> 00:52:52,167
And as we collect it,
I want you to think of us,

1089
00:52:52,250 --> 00:52:55,167
Mars Hill Church,
like a bride, together.

1090
00:52:55,250 --> 00:52:58,500
Individually, there are
testimonies being written.

1091
00:52:58,583 --> 00:53:02,083
Your life is a story
of the grace of God;

1092
00:53:02,167 --> 00:53:04,333
but collectively, as well,

1093
00:53:04,375 --> 00:53:06,500
we have a testimony,
and our testimony is,

1094
00:53:06,542 --> 00:53:08,500
according to the Bible,
that, collectively,

1095
00:53:08,583 --> 00:53:11,917
the church is like a bride,
dearly loved by our groom

1096
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:13,833
named Jesus.

1097
00:53:13,875 --> 00:53:18,208
And at this point, we're going
to respond corporately to Jesus,

1098
00:53:18,292 --> 00:53:22,708
like a bride does
to her husband.

1099
00:53:22,792 --> 00:53:28,333
And so that will include now
giving generously financially,

1100
00:53:28,375 --> 00:53:31,625
saying, "Jesus' relationship is
the most important relationship

1101
00:53:31,667 --> 00:53:34,833
"in my life, and I want this
to be a church where others

1102
00:53:34,875 --> 00:53:38,167
"meet Jesus and find hope,
and help, and healing,

1103
00:53:38,250 --> 00:53:40,833
"and I want this church
to grow and multiply,

1104
00:53:40,875 --> 00:53:43,500
"and I want others
to come to know Jesus,

1105
00:53:43,583 --> 00:53:47,083
"and I want to see
the testimony in their life,

1106
00:53:47,167 --> 00:53:48,917
the difference that he makes."

1107
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:54,208
And we give for that reason,
because we love Jesus.

1108
00:53:54,292 --> 00:53:59,292
Number two, if you are engaged,
your testimony now must include

1109
00:53:59,333 --> 00:54:01,708
premarital process
at Mars Hill Church.

1110
00:54:01,792 --> 00:54:04,208
You don't know
what you're doing.

1111
00:54:04,292 --> 00:54:06,417
You don't.
You don't.

1112
00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:07,833
You say, "Yes, I do."

1113
00:54:07,875 --> 00:54:09,708
No, you don't.
No, you don't.

1114
00:54:09,792 --> 00:54:12,833
You need someone else
to ask the hard questions,

1115
00:54:12,875 --> 00:54:15,000
to bring you through
a process to help you.

1116
00:54:15,083 --> 00:54:17,625
We have hundreds of weddings
a year at Mars Hill.

1117
00:54:17,667 --> 00:54:19,500
If you are engaged
or nearing engagement,

1118
00:54:19,583 --> 00:54:21,792
your testimony
should now include

1119
00:54:21,833 --> 00:54:25,000
getting into
the premarital process.

1120
00:54:25,083 --> 00:54:28,167
If you're not a Christian, your
testimony should now include

1121
00:54:28,250 --> 00:54:31,917
becoming a Christian,
giving your sin to Jesus,

1122
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,583
accepting his forgiveness
and righteousness,

1123
00:54:34,667 --> 00:54:38,208
inviting him in
as the hero of your story

1124
00:54:38,292 --> 00:54:40,625
and the writer
of your testimony,

1125
00:54:40,667 --> 00:54:43,833
as the Lord
of your life.

1126
00:54:43,875 --> 00:54:46,500
For those of you
who are disconnected,

1127
00:54:46,542 --> 00:54:49,417
we want you to connect by
getting in a Community Group

1128
00:54:49,500 --> 00:54:51,708
and/or a Redemption Group.

1129
00:54:51,792 --> 00:54:54,792
Life does not work alone.

1130
00:54:54,833 --> 00:54:58,000
You do not have all the wisdom,
spiritual gifts, insight,

1131
00:54:58,083 --> 00:54:59,708
energy, and counsel.

1132
00:54:59,792 --> 00:55:02,625
You need, not
only the grace of God,

1133
00:55:02,667 --> 00:55:04,708
you need the church of God.

1134
00:55:04,792 --> 00:55:08,000
And we love you, and we want
to connect you and help you

1135
00:55:08,042 --> 00:55:12,333
to walk in community
with other people.

1136
00:55:12,375 --> 00:55:14,875
And you need to repent,

1137
00:55:14,958 --> 00:55:18,583
and repenting is
acknowledging your sin.

1138
00:55:18,667 --> 00:55:21,792
What is your secret?

1139
00:55:21,833 --> 00:55:24,292
What is it that you've
never talked to God about,

1140
00:55:24,333 --> 00:55:25,667
you're too ashamed of?

1141
00:55:25,750 --> 00:55:29,000
What is it that you've
never told your spouse?

1142
00:55:29,042 --> 00:55:31,167
What is the secret?

1143
00:55:31,250 --> 00:55:36,792
You need to tell them,
and they need to tell you,

1144
00:55:36,833 --> 00:55:42,500
and you need to do
so soon, otherwise,

1145
00:55:42,583 --> 00:55:48,833
all you are doing is
lying with your life.

1146
00:55:48,875 --> 00:55:52,125
You're not dealing
with who you've been

1147
00:55:52,167 --> 00:55:54,500
or what has been done to you.

1148
00:55:54,542 --> 00:55:59,000
You're just pretending
that you're someone you're not.

1149
00:55:59,042 --> 00:56:03,000
Let Jesus deal with your sin,

1150
00:56:03,042 --> 00:56:06,000
let Jesus deal with your spouse,

1151
00:56:06,042 --> 00:56:11,333
and let Jesus write
the testimony of your life.

1152
00:56:11,375 --> 00:56:15,292
We're also going
to take Communion,

1153
00:56:15,333 --> 00:56:18,167
where we remember the broken
body and shed blood of Jesus,

1154
00:56:18,250 --> 00:56:19,583
and we're going to sing.

1155
00:56:19,667 --> 00:56:22,875
So, when we transition to sing,
think of it in this way.

1156
00:56:22,958 --> 00:56:27,417
Anytime there is
someone glorious

1157
00:56:27,500 --> 00:56:30,708
and something glorious, we sing.

1158
00:56:30,792 --> 00:56:33,333
That's why we sing at weddings.

1159
00:56:33,375 --> 00:56:35,583
That's why the bride
doesn't walk down the aisle

1160
00:56:35,667 --> 00:56:37,917
to total silence.

1161
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:41,583
There must be a soundtrack
when there is love,

1162
00:56:41,667 --> 00:56:43,708
and the beloved is present,

1163
00:56:43,792 --> 00:56:46,208
and something wonderful
is happening.

1164
00:56:46,292 --> 00:56:49,292
Well, Jesus is our beloved,
and he is present here with us,

1165
00:56:49,333 --> 00:56:51,667
through the presence
and power of the Holy Spirit,

1166
00:56:51,750 --> 00:56:53,167
and he's doing
something wonderful.

1167
00:56:53,250 --> 00:56:54,667
He's changing people.

1168
00:56:54,750 --> 00:56:56,083
He's defeating our enemy.

1169
00:56:56,167 --> 00:56:59,500
He is rewriting our legacy.

1170
00:56:59,583 --> 00:57:02,292
And so we're going to sing
together, and as we sing,

1171
00:57:02,333 --> 00:57:08,208
I want you husbands
to hold hands with your wife,

1172
00:57:08,292 --> 00:57:10,625
and I want you to raise
the other hand

1173
00:57:10,667 --> 00:57:13,500
in surrender to Jesus,

1174
00:57:13,542 --> 00:57:16,583
and I want your wife to see
you worship someone

1175
00:57:16,667 --> 00:57:21,167
other than yourself
and someone other than her,

1176
00:57:21,250 --> 00:57:22,875
and I want you to, together,

1177
00:57:22,958 --> 00:57:24,708
worship God
as forgiven sinners,

1178
00:57:24,792 --> 00:57:29,083
by the grace of God.

1179
00:57:29,167 --> 00:57:32,125
And lastly,

1180
00:57:32,167 --> 00:57:36,500
I'm going to ask you men
to take a vow with me

1181
00:57:36,583 --> 00:57:39,500
and then do something for me.

1182
00:57:39,583 --> 00:57:41,500
First the vow.

1183
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:45,500
For those of you men who are
Christians and are today willing

1184
00:57:45,583 --> 00:57:49,333
to publicly commit yourself
to loving your wife,

1185
00:57:49,375 --> 00:57:52,333
like Christ loves the church,
no matter what,

1186
00:57:52,375 --> 00:57:55,000
to leading your family
in the glory of God,

1187
00:57:55,083 --> 00:58:00,375
no matter what,
I would ask you to stand,

1188
00:58:00,458 --> 00:58:03,708
just those men,
married or single,

1189
00:58:03,792 --> 00:58:05,917
and to take a vow
with me today,

1190
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:09,167
a sacred oath in the presence
of God and his men.

1191
00:58:09,250 --> 00:58:13,500
It's not just a sermon that
I'm trying to present you,

1192
00:58:13,583 --> 00:58:17,833
but a legacy where Jesus is
the author of your testimony.

1193
00:58:17,875 --> 00:58:21,875
And so for you Christian men,
I want you to stand,

1194
00:58:21,958 --> 00:58:24,500
and I want you to identify
yourself publicly

1195
00:58:24,583 --> 00:58:27,125
with Jesus Christ.

1196
00:58:27,167 --> 00:58:29,500
And if your wife is with
you, and/or your fiancé,

1197
00:58:29,583 --> 00:58:33,000
I want you to now
hold her hand,

1198
00:58:33,083 --> 00:58:36,167
and I want you
to repeat after me,

1199
00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:40,000
and I want you men
to repeat loudly.

1200
00:58:40,042 --> 00:58:46,208
"My church will be served by me.

1201
00:58:46,292 --> 00:58:51,792
"My wife will be loved by me.

1202
00:58:51,833 --> 00:58:58,000
"My wife will be served by me.

1203
00:58:58,083 --> 00:59:04,125
"My family will be led by me.

1204
00:59:04,167 --> 00:59:10,417
"My wife will be
prayed over by me.

1205
00:59:10,500 --> 00:59:16,625
"The Bible will be opened
in our home by me.

1206
00:59:16,667 --> 00:59:19,708
"And my grandchildren
will worship

1207
00:59:19,792 --> 00:59:25,000
"the same God as me,

1208
00:59:25,083 --> 00:59:31,083
because my children will worship
the same God as me."

1209
00:59:32,875 --> 00:59:35,208
Men, I'm going to pray
for you now.

1210
00:59:35,292 --> 00:59:39,667
As the head of our household,
as the leader of our family,

1211
00:59:39,750 --> 00:59:44,625
God has given us a wonderful
opportunity to be Christ

1212
00:59:44,667 --> 00:59:49,333
to our wife and to our children,
should he grace us with them.

1213
00:59:49,375 --> 00:59:51,000
I'm going to pray for you,

1214
00:59:51,083 --> 00:59:53,125
and then here's what
I'm going to ask

1215
00:59:53,167 --> 00:59:55,417
all of you
married men to do.

1216
00:59:55,500 --> 01:00:00,000
You are going to pray
over your wife.

1217
01:00:00,042 --> 01:00:04,000
In front of all the other men,
you are going to lay hands

1218
01:00:04,083 --> 01:00:06,500
and pray over your wife.

1219
01:00:06,542 --> 01:00:09,125
Some of you
have never done that,

1220
01:00:09,167 --> 01:00:11,917
because you don't know how,
or you're embarrassed,

1221
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:15,500
or you're insecure.

1222
01:00:15,583 --> 01:00:18,708
Your wife desperately
needs you, wants you,

1223
01:00:18,792 --> 01:00:22,125
longs for you to lead
your family spiritually,

1224
01:00:22,167 --> 01:00:26,333
and it starts by you praying
over her and inviting Jesus

1225
01:00:26,375 --> 01:00:29,500
into your relationship.

1226
01:00:29,583 --> 01:00:32,625
You can't stay bitter
at a woman you're praying for.

1227
01:00:32,667 --> 01:00:36,208
You can't stay angry
at a woman you're praying for.

1228
01:00:36,292 --> 01:00:41,417
You can't stay separated from
a woman you are praying for.

1229
01:00:41,500 --> 01:00:46,500
As you pray for her,
if you don't know what to say,

1230
01:00:46,542 --> 01:00:48,625
start with this.

1231
01:00:48,667 --> 01:00:51,417
"I'm sorry.

1232
01:00:51,500 --> 01:00:54,708
"I'm sorry that I don't
do this all the time.

1233
01:00:54,792 --> 01:00:59,208
"I'm sorry that I don't do
this in front of the children,

1234
01:00:59,292 --> 01:01:02,500
but starting today, I will."

1235
01:01:02,542 --> 01:01:04,208
I'm going to pray for you,

1236
01:01:04,292 --> 01:01:06,583
and then we're going
to take a few minutes,

1237
01:01:06,667 --> 01:01:08,500
and I want you men
to turn around

1238
01:01:08,583 --> 01:01:13,208
and to put hands on your wife
in a loving way.

1239
01:01:13,292 --> 01:01:15,375
Okay?

1240
01:01:15,458 --> 01:01:18,792
It's not date night.

1241
01:01:18,833 --> 01:01:24,875
In a loving way and pray
over her, and thank God for her,

1242
01:01:24,958 --> 01:01:30,208
and tell Jesus why
you're grateful for her.

1243
01:01:30,292 --> 01:01:35,292
And then when you're ready,
you can partake of Communion,

1244
01:01:35,333 --> 01:01:38,500
and I want you husbands
to serve your wives.

1245
01:01:38,542 --> 01:01:40,417
I want you to take the bread,

1246
01:01:40,500 --> 01:01:42,167
which denotes
the body of Christ,

1247
01:01:42,250 --> 01:01:43,667
dipped in
the wine or juice,

1248
01:01:43,750 --> 01:01:46,000
which denotes the blood of
Christ, according to conscience,

1249
01:01:46,083 --> 01:01:48,625
and I want you
to first serve your wife,

1250
01:01:48,667 --> 01:01:53,000
and I want that to be a way that
you are publicly saying to her,

1251
01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:58,000
"Jesus will be the center of our
marriage, and because of him,

1252
01:01:58,042 --> 01:02:01,208
we will have a great testimony,
by the grace of God."

1253
01:02:01,292 --> 01:02:02,917
Will you do that?

1254
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:06,333
And then you can hold hands
with your wife, and we'll sing.

1255
01:02:06,375 --> 01:02:08,833
Father God, I pray against
the enemy, his servants,

1256
01:02:08,875 --> 01:02:10,708
their works and effects.

1257
01:02:10,792 --> 01:02:13,208
God, I thank you
for the convicting power

1258
01:02:13,292 --> 01:02:14,708
of the Holy Spirit.

1259
01:02:14,792 --> 01:02:19,375
God, I publicly confess that
I have sinned against my wife,

1260
01:02:19,458 --> 01:02:23,500
that we have lived years that
were not all that you would have

1261
01:02:23,583 --> 01:02:27,917
us to be, and it read more
like biography than testimony.

1262
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,125
But, God, I thank you
for the Lord Jesus.

1263
01:02:30,167 --> 01:02:33,292
It is indeed
the blood of the Lamb

1264
01:02:33,333 --> 01:02:35,417
that takes away the sins
of the world

1265
01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:37,333
and the sins
in our families.

1266
01:02:37,375 --> 01:02:39,333
And, God, I thank you
that, through Jesus,

1267
01:02:39,375 --> 01:02:43,417
we have a testimony, a testimony
where Jesus is the hero,

1268
01:02:43,500 --> 01:02:47,083
where Jesus is the Savior,
where Jesus is the friend,

1269
01:02:47,167 --> 01:02:52,083
where Jesus is the one
who reconciles sinners

1270
01:02:52,167 --> 01:02:57,333
and makes them allies in
a great war against their enemy.

1271
01:02:57,375 --> 01:02:59,833
Jesus, I pray for these men,
that they would humbly,

1272
01:02:59,875 --> 01:03:01,875
lovingly lead well.

1273
01:03:01,958 --> 01:03:05,667
I pray for these wives,
who, right now, are hoping,

1274
01:03:05,750 --> 01:03:08,917
and trusting, and praying that
this commitment would stick,

1275
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:11,125
that by the Holy Spirit's
power and their encouragement,

1276
01:03:11,167 --> 01:03:12,833
it would.

1277
01:03:12,875 --> 01:03:15,208
And, God, I pray
for those men who are single,

1278
01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:18,000
that they would not sin,
and they would not settle,

1279
01:03:18,083 --> 01:03:20,500
but they would strive
to love one woman

1280
01:03:20,583 --> 01:03:22,333
as Christ loves the church.

1281
01:03:22,375 --> 01:03:24,500
And, God,
I pray for our legacy,

1282
01:03:24,583 --> 01:03:26,833
that our children
and our children's children

1283
01:03:26,875 --> 01:03:29,667
would look back and say
that things changed

1284
01:03:29,750 --> 01:03:35,500
when on that day, that man with
my last name devoted himself

1285
01:03:35,583 --> 01:03:39,917
and our entire family
lineage to Jesus,

1286
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:41,333
in whose name we pray.

1287
01:03:41,375 --> 01:03:44,875
You men can now pray for your wives,
then take Communion and sing.