1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,917 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:15,250 [music] 3 00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:20,625 One of the things that Grace and I do in the book 4 00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:23,250 is we try to be honest. 5 00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:27,125 Our view is if we're not honest with one another, 6 00:00:27,167 --> 00:00:30,500 we can't really have a marriage that is close, and intimate, 7 00:00:30,583 --> 00:00:33,833 and God glorifying, and fun. 8 00:00:33,875 --> 00:00:37,917 And what we realized was in counseling appointments with 9 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,292 people, talking to them one-on-one in private, 10 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:45,667 as we would be honest about our struggles, our sins, 11 00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:48,917 they would be honest with us, they'd be honest with God, 12 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,167 they'd be honest with one another. 13 00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:55,000 And we want you to be honest. 14 00:00:55,042 --> 00:00:57,917 And so we try to be honest. 15 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,083 And the honest truth is that when it comes to the issue 16 00:01:01,167 --> 00:01:03,125 of sex--and some people have even asked, 17 00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:05,833 "Why do you talk about that so much in the book?" 18 00:01:05,875 --> 00:01:08,750 Well, it's kind of an issue for a lot of people, 19 00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:11,917 and it is the distinguishing aspect of marriage. 20 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:15,667 It's what distinguishes other relationships from marriage, 21 00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:18,167 like golfing buddies 22 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:22,917 or racquetball partners. 23 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,917 It's the distinguishing aspect of marriage, 24 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:30,292 according to the Bible, and no couple comes into marriage with 25 00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:35,833 a perfectly biblical, untainted view of marriage and sex 26 00:01:35,875 --> 00:01:38,125 and then just begins with nothing 27 00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:41,125 but a clean slate of gladness and goodness 28 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:44,000 and "The Sound of Music" soundtrack just ringing 29 00:01:44,083 --> 00:01:47,125 in their ears as they walk down the aisle. 30 00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:50,250 For Grace and I, we came into the marriage, 31 00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:55,167 particularly on the issue of sex, from very different places. 32 00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:59,667 Grace grew up in a conservative, Bible-teaching, Christian home. 33 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:04,500 She had quite a bit of naivety about guys, 34 00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:05,917 didn't have a brother, 35 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,833 and learned some things the hard way. 36 00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:11,250 She also had been sexually assaulted, raped, and abused, 37 00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:14,000 something I didn't know until many years into our marriage, 38 00:02:14,042 --> 00:02:17,750 about a decade or more into our marriage. 39 00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:19,792 I grew up as a non-Christian. 40 00:02:19,833 --> 00:02:22,000 I grew up in a rough neighborhood. 41 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,917 I grew up near the strip clubs and the prostitutes 42 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,333 and was exposed to pornography at a young age. 43 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:33,125 And we came from completely different backgrounds 44 00:02:33,167 --> 00:02:34,500 regarding sex. 45 00:02:34,583 --> 00:02:36,917 When we met, we were not virgins, 46 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,583 and in our dating relationship, we were, in fact, 47 00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:41,917 sleeping together. 48 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,333 And she was not walking faithfully with the Lord 49 00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:49,917 as a Christian, and I was a non-Christian, 50 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,125 and we were a mess. 51 00:02:53,167 --> 00:02:56,083 And God saved me at the age of 19, 52 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,333 about the same time that Grace was coming back 53 00:02:58,375 --> 00:03:01,917 into a real vibrant relationship with Jesus. 54 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,625 And I'll never forget, I was in a collegiate Bible study, 55 00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:08,833 and the pastor was talking about fornication, 56 00:03:08,875 --> 00:03:10,417 completely new "F" word to me. 57 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:13,917 I'd never heard of that word. 58 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,417 And he read--I think it was Corinthians, probably, 59 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,417 where it says that fornicators will not inherit 60 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,125 the Kingdom of God. 61 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,792 And I thought, "Wow, that's a big deal. 62 00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:26,000 "Boy, I really feel bad for those fornicators. 63 00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:27,833 I wonder what a fornicator is." 64 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:31,417 So, I called the pastor, and I said, 65 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:35,917 "I've got a friend of mine. 66 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:40,833 I fear he may be a fornicator." 67 00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:45,000 I said, "So, I would like to get from you the definition 68 00:03:45,042 --> 00:03:46,792 of a fornicator." 69 00:03:46,833 --> 00:03:49,500 He said, "Well, is your buddy sleeping with his girlfriend?" 70 00:03:49,542 --> 00:03:50,917 I said, "Yeah." 71 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,292 He said, "They're fornicating." 72 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:55,667 I was like, "Whoa! Are you sure?" 73 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,833 "Yes, I am sure." 74 00:03:57,875 --> 00:03:59,625 "They love each other." 75 00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:01,125 "It's still fornicating." 76 00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:03,833 "Oh, okay." I'm looking for the fine print. 77 00:04:03,875 --> 00:04:06,833 "Well, they're going to get married." 78 00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:08,333 "Still fornicating." 79 00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:10,750 "Oh, okay. 80 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,000 "Well, they've already slept together, so, you know, 81 00:04:13,042 --> 00:04:14,792 "it's too late now. 82 00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:16,333 So, why should they stop?" 83 00:04:16,375 --> 00:04:18,917 He said, "Because they're fornicating." 84 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,417 I was like, "Oh, okay. 85 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:25,125 "Well, I will let my friend know that. 86 00:04:25,167 --> 00:04:28,417 This is very serious." 87 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:34,750 So, I called Grace, my friend. 88 00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:41,083 And I said, "We are fornicating." 89 00:04:41,167 --> 00:04:44,000 She said, "Yeah, I know." 90 00:04:44,042 --> 00:04:47,625 She said, "We're not supposed to, and you now belong to Jesus, 91 00:04:47,667 --> 00:04:49,917 "and I've returned to a vibrant relationship with him, 92 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,500 and we need to stop fornicating." 93 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,750 So, we stopped fornicating, by the grace of God, 94 00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:55,417 and we got engaged to be married. 95 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,833 We were married 96 00:04:56,875 --> 00:04:58,917 between our junior and senior year of college. 97 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,750 Some people are like, "Why'd you get married so young?" 98 00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:06,417 Some reasons. 99 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:09,292 And I thought, "Okay, now we're Christians. 100 00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:11,125 "Jesus died for our sin. 101 00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:13,417 "We get to love one another, enjoy one another, 102 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:14,792 and be close." 103 00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:19,750 And, honestly, it wasn't working. 104 00:05:19,833 --> 00:05:21,500 It's like, "How come we're not close? 105 00:05:21,542 --> 00:05:23,833 "How come we're not enjoying one another? 106 00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:26,625 How come it's not like I thought it would be?" 107 00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:31,333 And my sin was I was very selfish, 108 00:05:31,375 --> 00:05:35,125 and I think I even got bitter against God, to some degree. 109 00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:37,917 Like, "I'm a Christian now. I stopped doing bad things. 110 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,750 "I started doing what the Bible says. 111 00:05:39,833 --> 00:05:42,750 How come it's not working?" 112 00:05:42,833 --> 00:05:48,250 And Grace and I are at the point that God 113 00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,417 has been very good to us. 114 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:54,125 And through biblical study, and prayer, and repentance of sin, 115 00:05:54,167 --> 00:05:57,292 and as we have taught this content all over the US 116 00:05:57,333 --> 00:06:01,167 and all over the world, on dating, and sex, and marriage, 117 00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:05,500 what we find over and over and over is that most of the time, 118 00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,500 when two people are married, 119 00:06:07,583 --> 00:06:10,625 they come from diametrically opposed perspectives 120 00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:12,500 on sex and marriage. 121 00:06:12,583 --> 00:06:15,125 Sometimes they see it as god, 122 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:17,833 the most important thing in the world. 123 00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:21,333 Sometimes they see it as gross, "dirty, nasty, vile, and 124 00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:23,625 wrong, so save it for the one you love," 125 00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:28,000 they were told in youth group. 126 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:31,833 Very confusing message. 127 00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:35,917 And the Bible presents sex as a gift. 128 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,333 It's not god, and it's not gross. 129 00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,333 It can be a false god. 130 00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:44,125 It can be done in a way that is gross because it dishonors God. 131 00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:46,917 But, ultimately, sex is a gift from God. 132 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,417 And I'll read the first marriage, and the first wedding, 133 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,500 and the first account of sexual relationship, 134 00:06:53,542 --> 00:06:59,583 and it's sex before sin in Genesis 2:18-25. 135 00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,417 "Then the LORD God said, 136 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,333 'It is not good that the man should be alone.'" 137 00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:09,333 Every man who gets married agrees with this. 138 00:07:09,375 --> 00:07:11,917 It says it's not good to be alone. 139 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,000 "'I will make a helper fit for him.' 140 00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:17,625 "Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed 141 00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:20,333 "every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens 142 00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:21,833 "and brought them to the man 143 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,500 "to see what he would call them. 144 00:07:23,583 --> 00:07:25,500 "And whatever the man called each living creature, 145 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:26,917 "that was its name. 146 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,917 "The man gave names to all the livestock, 147 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,917 "birds of the heaven, beast of the field. 148 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,917 But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him." 149 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,125 Now, can you just imagine that? We read that. 150 00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:38,125 Can you imagine you're Adam, and God says, 151 00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:40,125 "You shouldn't be alone. You need a wife." 152 00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:42,833 Adam's like, "I second the motion," right? 153 00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:46,000 "I would like to have a--I don't know what a wife is, 154 00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:47,500 but that sounds fantastic." 155 00:07:47,542 --> 00:07:51,833 God says, "Okay, first, let me bring you some beings 156 00:07:51,875 --> 00:07:53,500 you need to meet." 157 00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:57,000 And God brings along--here's an aardvark, here's a goat. 158 00:07:57,083 --> 00:07:59,667 You know, I'm sure Adam's looking at God, like, 159 00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,417 "That's not her, right?" "No, it's not." 160 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:04,417 "Okay, good. Okay, well." 161 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:07,750 This is a big day for Adam. 162 00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:10,250 And so he names all the animals, 163 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,250 and then God brings to him the woman. 164 00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:17,000 So, here it is, the first love story in all the Bible. 165 00:08:17,083 --> 00:08:19,417 The story goes on. 166 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,417 "For Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 167 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,667 "So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, 168 00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:29,000 "and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up 169 00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:31,125 "its place with flesh. 170 00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:33,667 "And the rib that he had taken from the man 171 00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:37,125 he made into a woman and brought her to the man." 172 00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,250 It's a big day, right, ladies? 173 00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:43,250 You just got made. 174 00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:46,625 It's a big day. 175 00:08:46,667 --> 00:08:53,417 You're going to get married naked. 176 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,500 That's how they say it in Texas. 177 00:08:56,583 --> 00:08:58,667 That's a big day. 178 00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:00,583 That's a lot. 179 00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,750 So, God brings the woman to the man. 180 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,750 Verse 23, "The man said--" 181 00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:07,750 He sings to her. It's a poem in Hebrew. 182 00:09:07,833 --> 00:09:09,417 "This at last--" 183 00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:12,583 Enough of the aardvarks, and goats, and potbelly pigs. 184 00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,667 "'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; 185 00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:17,333 "'she shall be called Woman, 186 00:09:17,375 --> 00:09:19,167 "'because she was taken out of Man.' 187 00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,667 "Therefore a man shall," number one, 188 00:09:20,750 --> 00:09:22,083 "leave his father and mother." 189 00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:25,333 Single guys, go home and pack your stuff. 190 00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:28,333 Number two, "Hold fast to his wife," 191 00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:30,625 that's the covenant of marriage. 192 00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:32,833 "The two shall become one flesh." 193 00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:35,333 That's the consummation of the covenant. 194 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:38,000 "And the man and his wife were both--" What? 195 00:09:38,083 --> 00:09:40,917 "Naked. 196 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,917 "And were not--" What? 197 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,917 "Ashamed." 198 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,583 God was glorified. 199 00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:48,917 They were satisfied. 200 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,333 That's sex before sin. 201 00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:51,750 Seven things. 202 00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:55,792 Number one, God made us male and female with equal dignity 203 00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:58,750 but different roles. 204 00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:02,125 Number two, love is more like a song than a math equation. 205 00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:03,833 Adam sings to Eve. 206 00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:05,917 Some of you, you live in your heads. 207 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,333 You're very systematic. 208 00:10:07,375 --> 00:10:10,125 Maybe you're theologians, or you're mathematicians, 209 00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:13,417 or you're administrators, organizers. 210 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,083 You're engineers. 211 00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:20,250 Love is more like poetry than math. 212 00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:22,833 It's something that you not only think in your head, 213 00:10:22,875 --> 00:10:24,500 but you feel with your heart. 214 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,625 That's why Adam sings to Eve. 215 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:29,625 Number three, marriage is for one man and one woman by 216 00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:33,417 God's design, and it doesn't matter what the vote says. 217 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:37,500 There's one vote that counts: the Maker of heaven and earth. 218 00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:41,000 Number four, God created our bodies for sexual pleasure 219 00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:43,083 and called it very good! 220 00:10:43,167 --> 00:10:46,083 It wasn't when Adam and Eve got married and, you know, 221 00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:48,917 God went to get a mocha, came back, and was, 222 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,500 "What are they doing? 223 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:58,292 I never, ever thought that that would happen." 224 00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:02,000 Right? 225 00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:07,417 Number five, all sex outside of heterosexual marriage is a sin. 226 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,250 Some of you say, "What about that?" 227 00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:13,625 Yes, whatever "it" is outside of heterosexual marriage: 228 00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:18,000 sex before marriage, sex outside of marriage, polygamy, 229 00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:24,417 adultery, fornication, pornography, whatever. 230 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:29,167 Sex is a gift, and it's to be contained and restrained 231 00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:32,292 by marriage. 232 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:35,125 Number six, sex is to be without shame. 233 00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:37,625 It says that the man and the woman were naked 234 00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:40,625 without shame, no shame. 235 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,125 They didn't feel dirty about it. 236 00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:44,750 It wasn't sinful. It wasn't horrible. 237 00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:49,000 It was a gift that God gave them to enjoy as a married couple. 238 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:53,083 And number seven--this might be the biggest idea 239 00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:56,625 of the whole sermon. 240 00:11:56,667 --> 00:12:02,667 This could change your whole marriage and renew your mind. 241 00:12:02,750 --> 00:12:07,500 Your standard of beauty is your spouse. 242 00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:12,750 God does not give us a standard of beauty. 243 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:15,750 He gives us a spouse. 244 00:12:15,833 --> 00:12:19,000 God didn't go to Adam, "Well, what do you like? 245 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:24,125 "Tall, short, white, black, Asian, young, old, long hair, 246 00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:27,625 "short hair, skinny, formerly skinny? 247 00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:30,583 "What do you like? 248 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,583 What do you like?" 249 00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:35,000 He came to Adam. 250 00:12:35,042 --> 00:12:37,417 He said, "Aardvark, Eve." 251 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,500 Adam said, "Eve looks amazing. 252 00:12:39,583 --> 00:12:44,125 That's amazing right there." 253 00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:48,500 Eve's standard of beauty was Adam. 254 00:12:48,583 --> 00:12:52,250 Adam's standard of beauty was Eve. 255 00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:56,167 Marketing, pornography, coveting, lust-- 256 00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:58,917 what Jesus calls "adultery of the heart"-- 257 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,250 is having a standard of beauty other than your spouse, 258 00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:06,792 comparing your spouse to them, becoming dissatisfied, 259 00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:11,417 and then ultimately becoming an adulterer; 260 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:16,333 if not just in your heart, also with your hands. 261 00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,125 Your standard of beauty is your spouse, 262 00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:20,167 so here's what this means. 263 00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:24,417 Whoever you married, that's what you're into. 264 00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,417 Okay? 265 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,625 You marry someone short, you're into short! 266 00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,792 You love short! 267 00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:33,750 You're thinking about short! 268 00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:36,000 You're glad for short! 269 00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:38,583 Yeah, short! 270 00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:40,583 Okay? 271 00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:43,167 God does not give you a standard of beauty. 272 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:46,792 God gives you a spouse. 273 00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,667 All right. 274 00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:51,125 I will proceed before I have to fire myself. 275 00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:53,833 Now, what I want to look at is there are 276 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:57,583 three primary views of sex. 277 00:13:57,667 --> 00:14:00,333 We'll talk about them in succession. 278 00:14:00,417 --> 00:14:02,000 Sex as god. 279 00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,500 Sex as gross. 280 00:14:03,583 --> 00:14:05,583 Sex as gift. Okay? 281 00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:07,292 Sex as god. 282 00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:10,667 Now, this is a position where-- 283 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:15,500 I shouldn't have said it like that. 284 00:14:15,542 --> 00:14:20,625 Okay, the first perspective 285 00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:22,833 is sex as god, 286 00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:25,333 and this is where sex is your identity. 287 00:14:25,375 --> 00:14:27,250 "I'm gay, straight, bi." 288 00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,833 Your life is consumed by it. 289 00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:30,917 Your identity is set by it. 290 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,625 It becomes a dominating aspect of your being. 291 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,167 Romans 12:1 says to "present your bodies as 292 00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:41,917 a living sacrifice...which is your spiritual worship." 293 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:46,000 Worship is what you do with your body. 294 00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:49,417 You ever wonder why false religions and cults throughout 295 00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:53,917 the history of the world have oftentimes had illicit sex, 296 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:59,500 sinful sex as part of their ritual? 297 00:14:59,583 --> 00:15:04,000 Because what you do with your body is not just physical; 298 00:15:04,042 --> 00:15:10,833 it's deeply spiritual, 299 00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:15,417 and you're offering your body as a sacrifice, 300 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:19,792 either to the glory of God 301 00:15:19,833 --> 00:15:23,250 or to worship a false god. 302 00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:28,000 Okay, so for those of you who are single, hear me in this. 303 00:15:28,042 --> 00:15:31,500 I've had this conversation many times in many forms, 304 00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:33,917 but I'll give you one example. 305 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,792 A young woman comes up to me 306 00:15:35,833 --> 00:15:37,333 after I preach something like this. 307 00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,583 She says, "Pastor Mark, I think you're old school. 308 00:15:39,667 --> 00:15:41,167 "I think you're old-fashioned. 309 00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:42,833 "I think you're a little negative. 310 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,833 "My boyfriend and I, we're living together, 311 00:15:44,875 --> 00:15:46,500 "and/or we're sleeping together. 312 00:15:46,583 --> 00:15:48,917 "We love each other. We care about each other. 313 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,667 "We're probably going to get married. 314 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:55,917 "We're not hurting anybody. We're consenting adults. 315 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,417 What's the problem?" 316 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:02,750 Answer: "You're an idolater." 317 00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:06,333 You are worshiping a false god. 318 00:16:06,375 --> 00:16:08,917 Your problem goes deeper than sex. 319 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,583 It goes all the way down to worship. 320 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:15,083 She'll look at me very confused-- "What are you talking about? 321 00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:16,500 I'm a Christian." 322 00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:19,625 No, because you had to choose between 323 00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:22,792 Jesus and your boyfriend, 324 00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:25,917 and you chose the boyfriend as the most important man 325 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:30,333 in your life, and you turned your back on Jesus 326 00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:33,917 to pursue a relationship with the boyfriend. 327 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,917 And when the two of you are together, 328 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,500 it's not to the glory of God. 329 00:16:38,542 --> 00:16:41,750 That means that your bed is a pagan altar, 330 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:44,333 and your boyfriend is a pagan priest, 331 00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:53,333 and your body is a living sacrifice. 332 00:16:53,375 --> 00:16:57,292 It's idolatry, which is the worship of someone 333 00:16:57,333 --> 00:17:01,500 or something other than the God of the Bible. 334 00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:05,000 This is what is also said in 1 Corinthians 10:7-8. 335 00:17:05,042 --> 00:17:07,250 "Do not be--" What's the word? 336 00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:08,625 "Idolaters." 337 00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:10,625 See, we tend to think of idolatry as, 338 00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:12,833 "Oh, those poor pagan people in those faraway lands. 339 00:17:12,875 --> 00:17:15,833 "They set up a statue, and then they give money to it 340 00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:18,333 "and homage to it, and they bow down to it. 341 00:17:18,375 --> 00:17:20,500 "And it's right in the middle of their home, 342 00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:23,000 "and it's on the mantle, and it dominates their life, 343 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,500 "and they've got that little false god that they all 344 00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:27,000 sit around and look at." 345 00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:30,250 And they walk into our home, see porn on the TV and say, 346 00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:32,625 "I can't find the difference." 347 00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:36,292 Our idol plugs in. 348 00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:41,625 We are all idolaters in varying ways, 349 00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:45,917 and idolatry is because we are all worshipers, 350 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,167 unceasing worshipers. 351 00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:49,833 We're passionate people. 352 00:17:49,875 --> 00:17:53,500 We give ourselves away-- our time, talent, and treasure-- 353 00:17:53,583 --> 00:17:56,000 to something, to someone, to a cause, 354 00:17:56,083 --> 00:18:02,500 to an experience, to a group. 355 00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:05,333 And the question is not, "Are you a worshiper?" 356 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:10,000 The question is, "Who or what is the object of your worship?" 357 00:18:10,042 --> 00:18:12,333 That's the question. 358 00:18:12,375 --> 00:18:14,833 And those who don't worship the God of the Bible, 359 00:18:14,875 --> 00:18:18,500 they are idolaters. 360 00:18:18,542 --> 00:18:22,125 So he says, "Do not be idolaters 361 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,000 as some of them were." 362 00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:26,125 And he goes back to the Old Testament. 363 00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:29,125 "As it is written, 'The people sat down to eat and drink 364 00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,500 and rose up to play.'" 365 00:18:30,583 --> 00:18:33,000 And the word there is, "They had a few drinks, 366 00:18:33,083 --> 00:18:35,750 "they had a nice meal, and the next thing you know, 367 00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:38,625 "it's getting sexually flirtatious. 368 00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:43,667 It's now escalating." 369 00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:47,333 "We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, 370 00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:49,417 and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day." 371 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,333 God just killed 23,000 people. 372 00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:55,417 That's a big funeral. 373 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,292 And what he says is sexual immorality is what? 374 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:03,250 Idolatry. 375 00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:06,792 Let me bring this all together for you in Romans 1. 376 00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:08,250 Take a deep breath. 377 00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:10,500 Put a seatbelt on. 378 00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:13,583 This is a hard word. 379 00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:17,417 God uses hard words to produce soft people. 380 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:22,167 And if all we ever get are soft words, we become hard people. 381 00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:25,333 He talks about idolaters. 382 00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:30,250 "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshiped 383 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,917 "and served the creature rather than the Creator, 384 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,000 who is forever blessed! Amen." 385 00:19:35,083 --> 00:19:38,417 Here it is! Here it is. 386 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,167 Hear me on this! 387 00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,625 This is very significant. 388 00:19:42,667 --> 00:19:44,833 Our world knows nothing about it, 389 00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:51,583 and the church is absolutely ignorant! 390 00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:55,083 We are all worshipers. 391 00:19:55,167 --> 00:20:01,417 We worship the Creator and enjoy and steward created things, 392 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:05,625 like the human body, and pleasure, and sex; 393 00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:10,917 or we worship the created, 394 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:16,750 and as a result, we're idolaters. 395 00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:19,625 Do you know what porn is? Idolatry. 396 00:20:19,667 --> 00:20:22,292 Do you know what fornication is? Idolatry. 397 00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:28,000 Do you know what adultery is? Idolatry. 398 00:20:28,042 --> 00:20:30,625 Some of you say, "Well, what about tolerance and diversity?" 399 00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:33,917 What about God? 400 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,917 What about God who made us in his image and likeness? 401 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,583 What about God who says, 402 00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:41,625 "It's not about your sexual orientation; 403 00:20:41,667 --> 00:20:48,750 it's about my glory"? 404 00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:52,833 "For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. 405 00:20:52,875 --> 00:20:55,125 "For their women exchanged natural relations 406 00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:58,250 for those that are contrary to nature," this is the only 407 00:20:58,333 --> 00:21:03,125 express forbidding of lesbianism in the whole Bible. 408 00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:06,000 "And the men likewise gave up natural relations with women 409 00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:08,125 and were consumed with passion for one another," 410 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,333 that's homosexuality. 411 00:21:10,375 --> 00:21:12,292 "Men committing shameless acts with men 412 00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:14,750 "and receiving in themselves the due penalty 413 00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:16,167 for their error." 414 00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:19,625 Some of your translations will say "perversion." 415 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:22,917 If you are an idolater, and you worship created things 416 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:27,333 rather than the Creator God, you will end up being a pervert. 417 00:21:27,375 --> 00:21:28,792 Do you know why? 418 00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:31,125 There's nothing more magnificent, majestic, 419 00:21:31,167 --> 00:21:34,625 and mysterious than the human body. 420 00:21:34,667 --> 00:21:37,417 When God created the world, he said that everything was good. 421 00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:40,417 When he made the man and woman in his image and likeness, 422 00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,333 he said it was very good. 423 00:21:42,375 --> 00:21:46,625 The apex of God's creation 424 00:21:46,667 --> 00:21:49,083 is the man and the woman. 425 00:21:49,167 --> 00:21:51,500 There's nothing more amazing. 426 00:21:51,542 --> 00:21:54,333 There's nothing more astonishing. 427 00:21:54,375 --> 00:21:59,750 There's nothing more compelling. 428 00:21:59,833 --> 00:22:05,625 And what happens if sex is your god? 429 00:22:05,667 --> 00:22:09,417 You're going to end up desiring disgusting things, 430 00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:13,500 doing disgusting things-- 431 00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:17,083 homosexuality, lesbianism, 432 00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:22,750 bisexuality, fornication, adultery, pornography. 433 00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:24,167 And let me say this. 434 00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:27,583 If these are your sins, the goal is not just to make you 435 00:22:27,667 --> 00:22:31,792 a heterosexual, but to make you a Christian, 436 00:22:31,833 --> 00:22:35,250 because the goal is not to just get you to stop sinning 437 00:22:35,333 --> 00:22:40,917 sexually, but to start worshiping Jesus, the Creator. 438 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,250 And you can't simultaneously worship the Creator 439 00:22:44,333 --> 00:22:47,417 while worshiping the created. 440 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:53,292 So, the answer for sex as god is Jesus as God. 441 00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:55,167 And for those of you who think, 442 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:57,250 "But I have to be sexually active," 443 00:22:57,333 --> 00:23:00,833 Jesus died, and rose, and ascended into heaven, 444 00:23:00,875 --> 00:23:06,500 having never had any romantic or sexually physical relationship 445 00:23:06,542 --> 00:23:10,250 with anyone. 446 00:23:10,333 --> 00:23:14,125 Here's what happens when you have a culture where sex is god. 447 00:23:14,167 --> 00:23:18,083 I'll read at length from the book. 448 00:23:18,167 --> 00:23:20,417 "Annual pornography revenues are more than 449 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,500 "$90 billion worldwide. 450 00:23:22,583 --> 00:23:26,417 In the US, pornography revenues were $13 billion," 451 00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:30,000 this is the latest statistics, now 6 years old. 452 00:23:30,083 --> 00:23:32,917 "More than all the combined revenues of pro baseball, 453 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,125 "basketball, and football combined. 454 00:23:35,167 --> 00:23:41,333 "More than the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC combined. 455 00:23:41,375 --> 00:23:44,833 "Porn sites account for 12% of all Internet sites. 456 00:23:44,875 --> 00:23:48,750 "Every day, 2.5 million pornographic emails are sent. 457 00:23:48,833 --> 00:23:52,417 "90% of children, ages 8 to 16 have viewed porn 458 00:23:52,500 --> 00:23:54,250 "on the Internet. 459 00:23:54,333 --> 00:23:59,250 "The average age of first porn Internet observation 460 00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:02,417 "is 11. 461 00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:06,917 "The number one consumer of online pornography is 462 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,750 12- to 17-year-old boys." 463 00:24:10,833 --> 00:24:13,000 You really conservative Christian parents who have 464 00:24:13,083 --> 00:24:16,125 a sixth grader, and you wonder, "When should I talk to them?" 465 00:24:16,167 --> 00:24:22,500 Two years ago. 466 00:24:22,583 --> 00:24:25,750 "Youth with significant exposure to sexuality in the media 467 00:24:25,833 --> 00:24:29,000 "are consistently more likely to have intercourse 468 00:24:29,042 --> 00:24:31,000 "before the age of 14. 469 00:24:31,083 --> 00:24:33,083 "The average person today has sex 470 00:24:33,167 --> 00:24:36,417 "for the first time at age 16. 471 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:39,250 "Fifty-seven percent of pastors say that porn addiction is 472 00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:42,667 "the 'most damaging issue' to their congregations. 473 00:24:42,750 --> 00:24:45,667 The problem is one-third of evangelical pastors 474 00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:49,917 have a porn problem. 475 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,250 So to say, "Well, go talk to your pastor," 476 00:24:52,333 --> 00:24:54,167 what he'll tell you is, "I don't know. 477 00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:57,917 I'm clicking on the same sites as you," 478 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:03,250 in one of three occasions. 479 00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:06,417 What do you think the number one day of the week is 480 00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:10,333 for pornography being downloaded off the Internet? 481 00:25:10,375 --> 00:25:14,250 Sunday, the day of the resurrection of Jesus Christ 482 00:25:14,333 --> 00:25:18,125 is the day, above all other days, 483 00:25:18,167 --> 00:25:21,625 that porn is downloaded from the Internet. 484 00:25:21,667 --> 00:25:26,750 Because on Sunday, it's not Jesus who's primarily worshiped 485 00:25:26,833 --> 00:25:28,333 as God. 486 00:25:28,375 --> 00:25:30,750 It's sex that's worshiped as god. 487 00:25:30,833 --> 00:25:33,500 And this is a massive cultural experiment, 488 00:25:33,583 --> 00:25:35,333 that they didn't know what would happen, 489 00:25:35,375 --> 00:25:37,625 and now you're going to pay the price. 490 00:25:37,667 --> 00:25:39,833 This leads to massive sexual abuse. 491 00:25:39,875 --> 00:25:43,292 One in four women, one in six men sexually assaulted, 492 00:25:43,333 --> 00:25:45,833 and this leads to sexual slavery, 493 00:25:45,875 --> 00:25:48,500 as across our nation and world, 494 00:25:48,583 --> 00:25:51,833 major cities are trafficking centers for teenage girls 495 00:25:51,875 --> 00:25:54,500 who are slaves. 496 00:25:54,583 --> 00:25:57,333 Because what happens when you worship sex as god, 497 00:25:57,375 --> 00:25:59,625 sacrifices have to be made. 498 00:25:59,667 --> 00:26:03,417 Human sacrifices have to be made. 499 00:26:03,500 --> 00:26:04,917 Okay? 500 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,083 So, if you're here and your inclination is in the direction 501 00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:11,417 of sex as god, repent. 502 00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:16,000 Don't try and get your spouse to worship your god. 503 00:26:16,042 --> 00:26:18,417 Don't say, "Watch this with me. 504 00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:22,333 "I saw in a movie, or in a prior relationship this activity 505 00:26:22,375 --> 00:26:25,083 was done, and I want you to do it." 506 00:26:25,167 --> 00:26:29,000 What you're saying is, "I want you to join me in my idolatry 507 00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:31,625 and worship my god called sex." 508 00:26:31,667 --> 00:26:33,792 No. 509 00:26:33,833 --> 00:26:36,750 Okay, so this is a really dangerous, very deadly, 510 00:26:36,833 --> 00:26:39,250 highly prominent position. 511 00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:45,083 Now, secondarily, there's an overreaction, "Sex is gross." 512 00:26:45,167 --> 00:26:46,583 For some, sex is god. 513 00:26:46,667 --> 00:26:50,333 For others, it's just gross. 514 00:26:50,375 --> 00:26:53,000 In the culture, it tends to be sex as god. 515 00:26:53,042 --> 00:26:55,750 In the church, it tends to be sex as gross. 516 00:26:55,833 --> 00:26:58,833 Now, this starts with Platonic thinking 517 00:26:58,875 --> 00:27:01,167 back in Greek philosophy: 518 00:27:01,250 --> 00:27:04,250 Epimenides, Aristotle, Socrates, Plato. 519 00:27:04,333 --> 00:27:07,917 This concept of dualism: that there's the spiritual 520 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,250 and there's the physical, and the spiritual is good 521 00:27:10,333 --> 00:27:15,125 and the physical is bad. And it dominates this stoic thinking, 522 00:27:15,167 --> 00:27:18,333 philosophically, much of the early church fathers' 523 00:27:18,375 --> 00:27:20,833 instruction on the New Testament. 524 00:27:20,875 --> 00:27:23,125 The result is that the body is not good, 525 00:27:23,167 --> 00:27:25,750 even though Jesus came in human flesh, 526 00:27:25,833 --> 00:27:29,917 and passion and pleasure is not good, and sex, within marriage, 527 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,000 is only for procreation. 528 00:27:32,083 --> 00:27:34,000 It's not for enjoyment, pleasure, 529 00:27:34,083 --> 00:27:36,417 and the other biblical purposes. 530 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:39,125 So, what this does is this affects--this non-Christian, 531 00:27:39,167 --> 00:27:41,667 Greek thinking, it's not biblical, 532 00:27:41,750 --> 00:27:44,083 but it affects early Christian teaching. 533 00:27:44,167 --> 00:27:48,292 So, Tertullian and Ambrose, when they were asked if they 534 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:51,000 preferred intercourse between husbands and wives 535 00:27:51,042 --> 00:27:53,333 or the extinction of the human race, they said, 536 00:27:53,375 --> 00:27:56,333 "We would rather have the extinction of the human race." 537 00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:59,167 It's sort of a big statement. 538 00:27:59,250 --> 00:28:02,000 "We'd rather that people ceased to exist than couples 539 00:28:02,083 --> 00:28:05,125 continue to be intimate." 540 00:28:05,167 --> 00:28:08,125 In our present day, "sex as gross" is still really common. 541 00:28:08,167 --> 00:28:11,625 I mean, the Song of Solomon is one of the books of the Bible. 542 00:28:11,667 --> 00:28:13,000 It's great. 543 00:28:13,083 --> 00:28:15,000 All Scripture is God-breathed and profitable. 544 00:28:15,083 --> 00:28:17,167 Some would say, "All except for that one." 545 00:28:17,250 --> 00:28:19,917 It's a series of love songs between a husband and wife. 546 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,333 It's frank without being crass. 547 00:28:21,375 --> 00:28:22,833 She speaks first. She speaks most. 548 00:28:22,875 --> 00:28:24,917 She speaks freely. She speaks frankly. 549 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,500 It's a great book. It's 3,000 years old. 550 00:28:27,583 --> 00:28:32,500 It's so current that people even read it and say, 551 00:28:32,583 --> 00:28:34,917 "Oh, that can't be about a husband and wife. 552 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,167 "God wouldn't allow them to talk to each other 553 00:28:37,250 --> 00:28:40,417 with that kind of poetic freedom." 554 00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:42,583 Yeah, he does. 555 00:28:42,667 --> 00:28:45,583 I mean, it used to be that you couldn't read it 556 00:28:45,667 --> 00:28:48,917 unless you were 30 or married. 557 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:53,292 That was the Jewish rule. 558 00:28:53,333 --> 00:28:56,125 It's really a great book. 559 00:28:56,167 --> 00:28:58,000 Even though it's 3,000 years old 560 00:28:58,083 --> 00:29:00,375 and was in a conservative eastern context, 561 00:29:00,458 --> 00:29:03,000 wow, it really gets to a lot of issues. 562 00:29:03,042 --> 00:29:06,167 But people who see sex as gross, they will not even allow 563 00:29:06,250 --> 00:29:08,833 the book to be about a husband and a wife. 564 00:29:08,875 --> 00:29:11,500 Now, truth be told, marriage is a picture and portrait 565 00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:13,917 of the gospel and Jesus' love for the church, 566 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,833 so there could be secondary meaning for Jesus' relationship 567 00:29:16,875 --> 00:29:19,583 with his bride, the church, but the primary first meaning 568 00:29:19,667 --> 00:29:22,250 is between a husband and a wife. 569 00:29:22,333 --> 00:29:24,750 When I even taught this book of the Bible, 570 00:29:24,833 --> 00:29:29,583 I got whacked like a piñata on Cinco de Mayo, 571 00:29:29,667 --> 00:29:31,750 because I had a bunch of people saying, 572 00:29:31,833 --> 00:29:33,750 "You shouldn't teach that book of the Bible!" 573 00:29:33,833 --> 00:29:35,125 Really? 574 00:29:35,167 --> 00:29:37,125 Are there any other ones I shouldn't teach? 575 00:29:37,167 --> 00:29:39,833 Like, why? 576 00:29:39,875 --> 00:29:43,833 And to be fair and to be honest, there are some people who see 577 00:29:43,875 --> 00:29:47,667 sex as gross because they've been sinned against, 578 00:29:47,750 --> 00:29:49,500 or they've sinned sexually. 579 00:29:49,542 --> 00:29:51,833 They've not experienced, you know, 580 00:29:51,875 --> 00:29:54,125 full cleansing and healing. 581 00:29:54,167 --> 00:29:56,417 They've not really worked it through with Jesus 582 00:29:56,500 --> 00:29:58,333 by the power of the Holy Spirit. 583 00:29:58,375 --> 00:30:01,583 Again, my wife, part of her story is sexual assault victim. 584 00:30:01,667 --> 00:30:03,583 So, if that's part of your story, 585 00:30:03,667 --> 00:30:06,833 I don't mean to make fun of you, but to say you've still 586 00:30:06,875 --> 00:30:08,917 got to work that through, because for you, 587 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,667 you might feel that sex is gross. 588 00:30:10,750 --> 00:30:13,167 I can still remember talking to a really sweet gal, 589 00:30:13,250 --> 00:30:15,917 who was an abuse victim as a child, and she said, 590 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,417 "Growing up, I just felt that everything below my neck 591 00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:20,667 was gross." 592 00:30:20,750 --> 00:30:23,000 That was her words. 593 00:30:23,083 --> 00:30:27,000 I said, "Okay, well then we've got to help you to receive 594 00:30:27,083 --> 00:30:29,500 "cleansing from sin that was committed against you 595 00:30:29,583 --> 00:30:33,333 "and see yourself as God sees you, 596 00:30:33,375 --> 00:30:36,667 not as your abuse defines you." 597 00:30:36,750 --> 00:30:39,000 Sex isn't god. 598 00:30:39,083 --> 00:30:41,333 Sex isn't gross. 599 00:30:41,375 --> 00:30:45,917 Now, don't raise your hand, but how many of you, on the scale, 600 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,333 you would lean toward sex as god? 601 00:30:49,375 --> 00:30:52,417 How many of you, you would lean toward sex as gross? 602 00:30:52,500 --> 00:30:55,292 How many of you are married to somebody who's totally 603 00:30:55,333 --> 00:30:58,917 the opposite of you, which is why you are here? 604 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,417 And you're trying to pull them toward your perspective. 605 00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:06,833 Let me say, let's invite you both, together, to the Bible, 606 00:31:06,875 --> 00:31:09,750 where sex is not god, it's not gross, 607 00:31:09,833 --> 00:31:14,792 but sex is a gift from God, and it doesn't have to be gross. 608 00:31:14,833 --> 00:31:17,750 So, there are, according to the Scriptures, 609 00:31:17,833 --> 00:31:21,833 six ways in which sex is a gift. 610 00:31:21,875 --> 00:31:24,500 And, again, some of you say, "Man, is this appropriate?" 611 00:31:24,542 --> 00:31:26,000 It is. 612 00:31:26,042 --> 00:31:29,000 Again, by age 8, a lot of kids are seeing porn 613 00:31:29,083 --> 00:31:30,917 on the Internet. 614 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,625 By age 11, most kids have seen porn on the Internet. 615 00:31:33,667 --> 00:31:37,167 The number one consumer of porn is 12- to 17-year-old boys. 616 00:31:37,250 --> 00:31:42,625 The average 16-year-old has already had sex with someone. 617 00:31:42,667 --> 00:31:46,500 If we don't get our information from the Word of God, 618 00:31:46,542 --> 00:31:50,750 we will get it somewhere else, and it won't lead to life; 619 00:31:50,833 --> 00:31:52,500 it'll lead to death. 620 00:31:52,583 --> 00:31:56,125 The Bible gives six ways in which sex is a gift from God. 621 00:31:56,167 --> 00:31:58,333 Number one, it's for pleasure. 622 00:31:58,375 --> 00:31:59,833 Right? 623 00:31:59,875 --> 00:32:02,250 I mean, pleasure is not bad. 624 00:32:02,333 --> 00:32:10,583 Some of you, you're way too worried about pleasure. 625 00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:13,333 And some of you think, "Pleasure could lead me to sin." 626 00:32:13,375 --> 00:32:14,750 You know what? 627 00:32:14,833 --> 00:32:17,917 Pleasure could lead you to worship, too. 628 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,417 And I would encourage you, don't go for shallow, 629 00:32:20,500 --> 00:32:21,917 lesser pleasures. 630 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,500 Go for the deep pleasures, the desires of God. 631 00:32:26,583 --> 00:32:29,917 The Bible says that, "Pleasures are in your right hand, 632 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:31,667 Lord God, forever more." 633 00:32:31,750 --> 00:32:33,333 That's what the psalmist says. 634 00:32:33,375 --> 00:32:34,833 Pleasure is not a bad thing. 635 00:32:34,875 --> 00:32:37,000 It can be a gift that God gives. 636 00:32:37,042 --> 00:32:39,917 And in the Song of Solomon, kids are never mentioned. 637 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,250 Kids are a gift, they're a blessing, they're awesome, 638 00:32:42,333 --> 00:32:43,917 but they're never mentioned. 639 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,625 In the Song of Solomon, the whole book is about 640 00:32:46,667 --> 00:32:49,000 the pleasure, enjoying it, having fun. 641 00:32:49,042 --> 00:32:51,917 And, again, if you're friends, you're together, you love God, 642 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:53,417 there's no shame. 643 00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:55,917 Your conscience is clear. 644 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,500 Pleasure is a gift. 645 00:32:58,583 --> 00:33:01,000 Some of you, though, even enjoying things 646 00:33:01,083 --> 00:33:03,417 with your spouse, you feel guilty about that, 647 00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:06,500 because maybe that's not holy. 648 00:33:06,542 --> 00:33:10,167 You need to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 649 00:33:10,250 --> 00:33:12,333 Number two, it can also be for children. 650 00:33:12,375 --> 00:33:14,333 It doesn't always have to be for procreation. 651 00:33:14,375 --> 00:33:17,750 But at the moment of intimacy, God allows life to be born. 652 00:33:17,833 --> 00:33:19,833 We've got five kids. We love our kids. 653 00:33:19,875 --> 00:33:22,667 I'm glad to have kids. Kids are a blessing. 654 00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:27,583 And sometimes the intimacy results in children. 655 00:33:27,667 --> 00:33:30,000 It doesn't mean that birth control is always a sin 656 00:33:30,083 --> 00:33:31,417 or things of that nature. 657 00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:33,750 We deal with all of that in the book. 658 00:33:33,833 --> 00:33:35,250 But, yeah, children are a blessing, 659 00:33:35,333 --> 00:33:38,417 and it's one of the reasons that God gave us this great gift. 660 00:33:38,500 --> 00:33:39,833 Number three, it's knowledge. 661 00:33:39,875 --> 00:33:42,333 Genesis 4:1 says that Adam lay with his wife Eve, 662 00:33:42,375 --> 00:33:43,750 and he knew her. 663 00:33:43,833 --> 00:33:45,417 There's a knowledge. There's an intimacy. 664 00:33:45,500 --> 00:33:48,792 There's a trust that's built between a husband and wife 665 00:33:48,833 --> 00:33:52,417 that is sacred. 666 00:33:52,500 --> 00:33:56,500 You trust, and know, and love, and enjoy one another in a way 667 00:33:56,583 --> 00:33:59,125 that nobody else knows you. 668 00:33:59,167 --> 00:34:02,667 Nobody else knows them. 669 00:34:02,750 --> 00:34:04,667 Number four, it's for protection. 670 00:34:04,750 --> 00:34:08,583 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 says do not deprive one another, 671 00:34:08,667 --> 00:34:11,000 but by mutual consent and for a time, 672 00:34:11,042 --> 00:34:13,250 so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, 673 00:34:13,333 --> 00:34:16,125 to work on some issue in your marriage, most likely, 674 00:34:16,167 --> 00:34:18,583 because there's some problem outside of the bedroom 675 00:34:18,667 --> 00:34:21,792 that's affecting joy, and freedom, and intimacy, 676 00:34:21,833 --> 00:34:24,500 and frequency in the bedroom. 677 00:34:24,583 --> 00:34:27,792 And then come back together; otherwise, 678 00:34:27,833 --> 00:34:30,917 you're going to give the devil an opportunity to do 679 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,583 great damage to your marriage. 680 00:34:32,667 --> 00:34:35,000 That's my paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 7. 681 00:34:35,083 --> 00:34:37,917 It's protection. 682 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:42,750 There's no excuse for adultery, including lustful adultery of 683 00:34:42,833 --> 00:34:46,000 pornography or flirtation outside of marriage. 684 00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:50,917 But if a couple is together, it helps to safeguard them 685 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,333 against temptation. 686 00:34:54,375 --> 00:34:56,500 Number five, it's for comfort. 687 00:34:56,583 --> 00:35:00,542 There's an occasion where in 2 Samuel 12:24, 688 00:35:00,625 --> 00:35:04,500 there's a death of a child, and a husband and a wife grieve 689 00:35:04,583 --> 00:35:08,083 and comfort one another through intimacy. 690 00:35:08,167 --> 00:35:10,750 There are times when you can't fix it. 691 00:35:10,833 --> 00:35:14,417 There are times when you don't want to talk about it anymore, 692 00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:16,417 but you just want to be together 693 00:35:16,500 --> 00:35:22,000 so you don't feel alone, and you feel connected, and safe, 694 00:35:22,083 --> 00:35:27,250 and vulnerable, and cared for. 695 00:35:27,333 --> 00:35:29,417 And number six, it's for oneness. 696 00:35:29,500 --> 00:35:32,917 Genesis 2:24 says that the husband and wife were one, 697 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,667 and they were naked without shame. 698 00:35:34,750 --> 00:35:36,667 And that word in the Hebrew is "echad," 699 00:35:36,750 --> 00:35:38,917 and it's the same word that's used in Deuteronomy, 700 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,625 and the Orthodox Jews would say it three times a day: 701 00:35:41,667 --> 00:35:44,417 "Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, he's one." 702 00:35:44,500 --> 00:35:46,417 And like God the Father, God the Son, 703 00:35:46,500 --> 00:35:49,417 and God the Spirit are one, in a similar way-- 704 00:35:49,500 --> 00:35:53,667 not completely identical-- a husband and a wife, 705 00:35:53,750 --> 00:35:59,000 who are intimate in covenant, they're one. 706 00:35:59,083 --> 00:36:01,667 They're one. 707 00:36:01,750 --> 00:36:03,917 And this is something true covenantally. 708 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,250 This is something true emotionally. 709 00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:07,833 This is something true practically. 710 00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:11,333 This is why you should have one last name, live in one house, 711 00:36:11,375 --> 00:36:14,333 have one bedroom with one bed. 712 00:36:14,375 --> 00:36:19,750 You should be one, and one flesh. 713 00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:24,917 And God has built this great gift to bring a couple together. 714 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,500 Dr. Stephen Arterburn says it this way: "Sexual pleasure is 715 00:36:28,583 --> 00:36:31,500 "one of the most intense human experiences. 716 00:36:31,542 --> 00:36:35,500 Physically speaking, when a man and woman are together," 717 00:36:35,583 --> 00:36:38,625 he says that, "a chemical is released into the brain 718 00:36:38,667 --> 00:36:40,500 called an opioid." 719 00:36:40,542 --> 00:36:43,250 That means opium-like. 720 00:36:43,333 --> 00:36:47,583 He goes on to say, "Apart from a heroin-induced experience, 721 00:36:47,667 --> 00:36:50,500 "nothing is more physically pleasurable. 722 00:36:50,583 --> 00:36:53,625 "This is a wonderful thing in a committed marriage relationship, 723 00:36:53,667 --> 00:36:56,750 "because it helps bond two people together 724 00:36:56,833 --> 00:37:01,417 and bring joy to living together and building a relationship." 725 00:37:01,500 --> 00:37:04,792 It brings oneness. 726 00:37:04,833 --> 00:37:10,000 See, so when God tells you to be faithful to your spouse, 727 00:37:10,042 --> 00:37:12,917 to practice chastity before marriage, 728 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,917 to enjoy fidelity within marriage, what he's saying is, 729 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,750 "I want the best for you. 730 00:37:19,833 --> 00:37:23,500 "I want you to be one with your spouse. 731 00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:26,000 "I want you to be connected theologically. 732 00:37:26,083 --> 00:37:28,125 "I want you to be connected emotionally. 733 00:37:28,167 --> 00:37:30,250 "I want you to be connected mentally. 734 00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:32,500 "I want you to be connected financially. 735 00:37:32,583 --> 00:37:36,000 "I want you to be connected biologically. 736 00:37:36,083 --> 00:37:43,125 I want you to increasingly grow to be one." 737 00:37:43,167 --> 00:37:45,917 Now, let me ask you this. 738 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:51,000 Sex is god--is that your leaning? 739 00:37:51,083 --> 00:37:54,292 Repent of that as a sin. 740 00:37:54,333 --> 00:37:58,333 Sex is gross--is that your leaning? 741 00:37:58,375 --> 00:38:02,000 Repent of that as a sin. 742 00:38:02,083 --> 00:38:07,083 Grace and I came into the marriage with me leaning toward 743 00:38:07,167 --> 00:38:13,000 sex as god, her leaning toward sex as gross; 744 00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:18,083 and in the grace of God, we are growing as one, 745 00:38:18,167 --> 00:38:25,625 enjoying sex as a gift from God. 746 00:38:25,667 --> 00:38:30,000 I'm going to leave it there, and I'm going to pray for you, 747 00:38:30,083 --> 00:38:31,917 and I'm going to bring Grace out, 748 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,125 and we'll answer your questions, okay? 749 00:38:35,167 --> 00:38:40,250 Father God, I just feel this is a heavy moment. 750 00:38:40,333 --> 00:38:46,292 And, Holy Spirit, I ask that you would help people not to feel 751 00:38:46,333 --> 00:38:53,125 condemnation, but conviction; because condemnation leads 752 00:38:53,167 --> 00:38:56,417 to death, and conviction leads to life; 753 00:38:56,500 --> 00:39:00,833 and condemnation leads to shame, and conviction leads to 754 00:39:00,875 --> 00:39:07,250 cleansing; and condemnation causes us to give up, 755 00:39:07,333 --> 00:39:13,917 and conviction enables us to get up 756 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,125 and to walk the road you've set before us, 757 00:39:17,167 --> 00:39:21,167 to be the people you intend for us to be, 758 00:39:21,250 --> 00:39:27,250 and to leave the legacy that, by your grace, we can. 759 00:39:27,333 --> 00:39:33,000 God, for those who have inclinations toward sex as god, 760 00:39:33,083 --> 00:39:36,917 I pray that they would repent of that idolatry. 761 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,125 God, for those who have inclinations toward 762 00:39:40,167 --> 00:39:45,417 sex as gross, I pray they would stop thinking contrary to 763 00:39:45,500 --> 00:39:49,250 the Scriptures, that they would be transformed by the renewing 764 00:39:49,333 --> 00:39:52,833 of their mind, according to the Word of God. 765 00:39:52,875 --> 00:39:55,583 God, I pray for those who are single, 766 00:39:55,667 --> 00:39:59,750 that they would see that sex is deeply spiritual. 767 00:39:59,833 --> 00:40:02,667 It is not just physical. 768 00:40:02,750 --> 00:40:05,625 It's about worship and idolatry, 769 00:40:05,667 --> 00:40:09,417 and sexual problems are really God problems. 770 00:40:09,500 --> 00:40:11,917 I pray for those, Lord God, who are newly married 771 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,833 and very impatient and selfish, that, Lord God, 772 00:40:15,875 --> 00:40:18,500 they would love and serve their spouse, 773 00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:21,333 both in and out of the bedroom. 774 00:40:21,375 --> 00:40:24,125 God, for those couples who are already experiencing 775 00:40:24,167 --> 00:40:28,417 the devastation from sexual sin, 776 00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:30,167 I pray that they would come clean 777 00:40:30,250 --> 00:40:33,792 before they get caught and that, Lord God, 778 00:40:33,833 --> 00:40:36,417 the enemy would not have a foothold in their life 779 00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:40,625 and marriage, taking this great gift and perverting, 780 00:40:40,667 --> 00:40:43,417 and destroying, and corrupting it. 781 00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:46,625 And, Lord God, I thank you for your forgiveness 782 00:40:46,667 --> 00:40:49,917 of my sin and Grace's sin 783 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,833 and the reconciliation of our friendship 784 00:40:52,875 --> 00:40:56,292 and the restoration of our intimacy, 785 00:40:56,333 --> 00:41:00,917 and I pray that for our friends, who have given us this 786 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:05,750 great gift of speaking on a very important but sensitive matter 787 00:41:05,833 --> 00:41:08,625 and have been kind enough to give us their ear, 788 00:41:08,667 --> 00:41:10,167 in Jesus' name. 789 00:41:10,250 --> 00:41:11,583 Amen. 790 00:41:11,667 --> 00:41:19,333 I'm going to go get Grace. I'll be right back. 791 00:41:19,375 --> 00:41:26,917 [applauding] 792 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,292 You ready, babe? 793 00:41:28,333 --> 00:41:29,667 Sure. 794 00:41:29,750 --> 00:41:31,417 Well, I'm glad one of us is. 795 00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:33,125 Okay. 796 00:41:33,167 --> 00:41:35,917 Thank you for joining me and being brave and helpful. 797 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:40,167 All right, we will do some Q&A time. 798 00:41:40,208 --> 00:41:42,667 "What if the friendship is there, but the sex isn't?" 799 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:49,792 I'm assuming in the context of marriage. 800 00:41:49,833 --> 00:41:52,667 If it's not in the context of marriage, praise God. 801 00:41:52,708 --> 00:41:58,167 Keep it like it is. 802 00:41:58,250 --> 00:42:02,167 I think, again, there's usually issues. 803 00:42:02,250 --> 00:42:05,167 I think we had a friendship going into things, 804 00:42:05,208 --> 00:42:09,083 and the sex was not there for the most part, 805 00:42:09,167 --> 00:42:13,583 and we had to figure out what was behind why we weren't 806 00:42:13,667 --> 00:42:15,958 willing to or why I wasn't-- 807 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:20,292 So, what kind of things could be behind, you know, 808 00:42:20,333 --> 00:42:23,958 underlying variables that are causing a couple not to be 809 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,667 intimate very frequently, even if they feel friendly 810 00:42:26,750 --> 00:42:28,083 toward one another? 811 00:42:28,167 --> 00:42:30,417 Well, I think, for me, there was fears. 812 00:42:30,500 --> 00:42:33,292 There was sexual assault issues. 813 00:42:33,333 --> 00:42:38,000 There was the issue of, like you just talked about, sex as gross, 814 00:42:38,042 --> 00:42:40,750 and then you tending toward sex as god, 815 00:42:40,833 --> 00:42:43,667 and so really being at different ends of the spectrum 816 00:42:43,750 --> 00:42:46,583 and a lot of fear in between there for a woman. 817 00:42:46,667 --> 00:42:50,083 And not seeing my point of view as wrong. 818 00:42:50,167 --> 00:42:53,167 I saw that there was something off in our marriage, 819 00:42:53,250 --> 00:42:56,333 but I didn't want to look at my view as being wrong. 820 00:42:56,417 --> 00:43:00,083 I wanted you to see your view as wrong and you to figure it out. 821 00:43:00,167 --> 00:43:01,583 I was thinking the same thing. 822 00:43:01,667 --> 00:43:03,000 Yeah, I know. 823 00:43:03,042 --> 00:43:05,667 Somehow, I saw your sin as worse than mine, 824 00:43:05,750 --> 00:43:09,458 and so God convicted me of my sin, 825 00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:12,750 as I started realizing this is really broken. 826 00:43:12,833 --> 00:43:15,667 And, again, it starts with the mind, 827 00:43:15,750 --> 00:43:19,667 and I needed to work on my view of sex overall, 828 00:43:19,750 --> 00:43:23,917 that just as God created it, and then since I was the one that 829 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:28,167 was convicted first of my sin, I needed to repent first 830 00:43:28,250 --> 00:43:31,417 and not wait for you to do that first, 831 00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:33,917 and see that my sin was just as grievous. 832 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,417 Yeah, and I was guilty of the exact same thing, 833 00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:39,167 where seeing your sin more clearly than my own, 834 00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:42,667 wishing you would grow theologically in some areas, 835 00:43:42,708 --> 00:43:44,917 to come to a more biblical position 836 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:48,458 that I wasn't holding at the time. 837 00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:52,583 I mean, so it's very interesting how, you know, 838 00:43:52,667 --> 00:43:54,792 we were from different perspectives, 839 00:43:54,833 --> 00:43:58,125 but still guilty of the same things. 840 00:43:58,167 --> 00:44:01,958 So, in something like this, it may be a biological issue, 841 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,583 and you've got to go talk to your doctor and, say, 842 00:44:04,667 --> 00:44:08,167 "Is there a problem, you know, physically or hormonally?" 843 00:44:08,250 --> 00:44:10,917 Is there a secret sin in the marriage? 844 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:14,167 Pornography or something going on you don't know about? 845 00:44:14,250 --> 00:44:17,083 Is there abuse in one or both of your pasts, 846 00:44:17,167 --> 00:44:19,167 where you've not worked that through, 847 00:44:19,250 --> 00:44:22,250 so it's not fully healed and redeemed just yet, 848 00:44:22,333 --> 00:44:24,917 by the grace of God? 849 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,417 Is it that life is just too busy, 850 00:44:27,500 --> 00:44:29,958 and you don't take the time to be together 851 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,333 and just really invest in one another? 852 00:44:32,417 --> 00:44:33,917 And it's a lot of shoulder-to-shoulder, 853 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,417 and you're not getting your face-to-face time? 854 00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:38,667 You know, there could be underlying causes and reasons, 855 00:44:38,708 --> 00:44:41,167 but I would just go ahead and ask your spouse. 856 00:44:41,208 --> 00:44:44,917 Say, "Okay, what is it, and what do we need, in the grace of God, 857 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,417 to work on?" 858 00:44:46,500 --> 00:44:49,667 Because if a couple is happy and satisfied, then that's okay. 859 00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:51,458 But if you're asking the question, 860 00:44:51,500 --> 00:44:53,667 that means it's not okay. 861 00:44:53,708 --> 00:44:55,333 Something is wrong. 862 00:44:55,417 --> 00:44:57,833 So, we wouldn't say it has to be like this, 863 00:44:57,917 --> 00:44:59,500 or it has to be this way. 864 00:44:59,583 --> 00:45:01,083 We wouldn't say those things. 865 00:45:01,167 --> 00:45:03,292 But if one person is saying, "It ain't working," 866 00:45:03,333 --> 00:45:06,083 well then there's a problem, and that needs to be addressed, 867 00:45:06,167 --> 00:45:08,167 and that may take, as well, a counselor, 868 00:45:08,250 --> 00:45:11,000 a biblical counselor, a pastor, a ministry leader, 869 00:45:11,042 --> 00:45:14,000 if there is a real serious underlying issue 870 00:45:14,042 --> 00:45:16,083 that needs to be addressed. 871 00:45:16,167 --> 00:45:18,417 Because like Grace said, sometimes we're blind 872 00:45:18,500 --> 00:45:20,667 to our own blindness, and somebody else is able 873 00:45:20,750 --> 00:45:22,500 to help us see more quickly. 874 00:45:22,542 --> 00:45:24,500 And I was afraid of intimacy, 875 00:45:24,542 --> 00:45:26,958 because I didn't want to be known. 876 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:28,917 I was afraid of what that meant, 877 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,250 even though I didn't fully understand what it meant. 878 00:45:31,333 --> 00:45:34,250 And so because of what had happened to me in the past 879 00:45:34,333 --> 00:45:37,292 and because of my own sins and the shame that I carried, 880 00:45:37,333 --> 00:45:39,750 instead of letting God forgive me for those, 881 00:45:39,833 --> 00:45:42,000 then I put that into our relationship, 882 00:45:42,042 --> 00:45:43,833 and I didn't want to be known. 883 00:45:43,917 --> 00:45:46,792 I was afraid of rejection and all of those things. 884 00:45:46,833 --> 00:45:49,750 So, I started believing lies and let those accumulate and become 885 00:45:49,833 --> 00:45:52,292 more prominent than the issue of my sin 886 00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:54,458 and working through our relationship. 887 00:45:54,500 --> 00:45:57,167 Yeah, and the sin that was committed against you, 888 00:45:57,208 --> 00:46:00,667 and I think a big breakthrough for us, when you kind of gave me 889 00:46:00,708 --> 00:46:05,000 those details, and we got to clearly see what had happened 890 00:46:05,042 --> 00:46:13,000 to you, it helped me to know how to be a better friend, 891 00:46:13,083 --> 00:46:19,000 and that friendship then helped change the intimacy. 892 00:46:19,083 --> 00:46:20,917 So, yeah. 893 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,833 Next question. 894 00:46:22,875 --> 00:46:25,917 "As a single man pursuing Jesus, what is the best way 895 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:29,667 I can prepare for the day God brings my wife into my life?" 896 00:46:29,708 --> 00:46:32,167 That's a great question. 897 00:46:32,208 --> 00:46:35,333 Why don't you take that one first, and then I'll pick it up. 898 00:46:35,417 --> 00:46:37,833 Single guy pursuing Jesus, and he wants to get ready 899 00:46:37,917 --> 00:46:39,500 to be married someday. 900 00:46:39,583 --> 00:46:41,917 It's a good question. 901 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:45,750 Well, much of marriage is serving and being selfless, 902 00:46:45,833 --> 00:46:49,667 instead of selfish, so continue to work on your relationship 903 00:46:49,708 --> 00:46:53,708 with Jesus, but extending that beyond that and serving: 904 00:46:53,792 --> 00:46:58,417 serving children, families, women in the church, 905 00:46:58,500 --> 00:47:03,042 whatever ways you can find to serve and just growing that 906 00:47:03,125 --> 00:47:07,333 serving gift and learning how to not be selfish. 907 00:47:07,375 --> 00:47:10,250 Also, like you've talked about before, 908 00:47:10,333 --> 00:47:14,333 we, men and women, tend to make a list of what we want in 909 00:47:14,375 --> 00:47:19,000 a spouse, but making a list of who you see God wants you to be, 910 00:47:19,042 --> 00:47:23,750 prayerfully, as a spouse someday, what gifts you have, 911 00:47:23,833 --> 00:47:27,917 what characteristics you have, and putting those down 912 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,750 and seeing how you can continue to grow in those, 913 00:47:30,833 --> 00:47:34,167 so that you can serve your future spouse. 914 00:47:34,208 --> 00:47:37,500 I'd give--a practical thing, too, for single guys. 915 00:47:37,583 --> 00:47:42,833 It's good to be journaling for your wife someday, 916 00:47:42,875 --> 00:47:47,667 praying for her, as Scripture comes to mind, 917 00:47:47,708 --> 00:47:53,500 and then using that as a way to have affection and devotion, 918 00:47:53,542 --> 00:47:56,917 even though you may have not met her yet. 919 00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,667 And then I would encourage you guys--I can't think of anything 920 00:47:59,750 --> 00:48:02,833 cooler than, if you're praying for her, thinking about her, 921 00:48:02,917 --> 00:48:05,167 writing down memories, "Here's what God showed me today; 922 00:48:05,208 --> 00:48:08,667 he's got me meditating on this verse," just journaling. 923 00:48:08,708 --> 00:48:12,000 And then the day you meet her, and you get to know her, 924 00:48:12,042 --> 00:48:16,833 and then you become engaged to her, to give her that and say, 925 00:48:16,917 --> 00:48:19,167 "You know, I've loved you before I met you. 926 00:48:19,208 --> 00:48:21,333 "I've been praying for you and waiting for you, 927 00:48:21,417 --> 00:48:24,333 "and I was thinking about you, and I want you to know 928 00:48:24,375 --> 00:48:26,333 what was on my heart before we met." 929 00:48:26,417 --> 00:48:28,333 Ladies, would that work? 930 00:48:28,375 --> 00:48:30,000 Yeah! 931 00:48:30,042 --> 00:48:33,500 Okay, so--so just because you're single doesn't mean 932 00:48:33,542 --> 00:48:36,042 you can't be loving your wife right now. 933 00:48:36,125 --> 00:48:38,750 Just got to meet her eventually, that's all. 934 00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:40,250 Okay? 935 00:48:40,333 --> 00:48:42,667 And I think that's what so many guys do. 936 00:48:42,708 --> 00:48:45,667 They just sort of walk through life until they meet a woman, 937 00:48:45,708 --> 00:48:48,333 and then they're trying to figure out how to get ready, 938 00:48:48,417 --> 00:48:51,042 and this is a good question on how to get ready. 939 00:48:51,125 --> 00:48:52,542 So, I'd honor that question. 940 00:48:52,625 --> 00:48:54,333 It's a great question. 941 00:48:54,375 --> 00:48:59,583 Let's do another one. 942 00:48:59,667 --> 00:49:08,042 "How do I get my husband to pursue me more?" 943 00:49:08,125 --> 00:49:13,208 Well, since God took me on a repentance journey, 944 00:49:13,292 --> 00:49:16,833 the last few years, specifically, 945 00:49:16,917 --> 00:49:21,000 I often start out with repentance, and just ask 946 00:49:21,083 --> 00:49:26,333 the question, "How can I be easier for you to pursue? 947 00:49:26,417 --> 00:49:30,833 "Are there ways that I keep you from wanting to pursue me? 948 00:49:30,875 --> 00:49:37,708 "What are things that I can do to help you 949 00:49:37,792 --> 00:49:40,333 want to serve me, even?" 950 00:49:40,375 --> 00:49:42,417 I mean, that sounds like a weird question, 951 00:49:42,500 --> 00:49:45,833 opposite of what it should be, but yet that's a way 952 00:49:45,875 --> 00:49:48,000 to serve them, to figure out how to know 953 00:49:48,083 --> 00:49:49,833 each other even better, through-- 954 00:49:49,917 --> 00:49:51,500 To invite them in. 955 00:49:51,542 --> 00:49:53,000 I think that's what you're saying. 956 00:49:53,042 --> 00:49:54,333 Yeah. 957 00:49:54,417 --> 00:49:57,083 So, I think just even asking the question of the person, 958 00:49:57,167 --> 00:50:01,417 of your spouse, "How can I be easier to pursue? 959 00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:03,792 Is there anything inhibiting that?" 960 00:50:03,833 --> 00:50:06,583 Yeah, sometimes that can be, you know, 961 00:50:06,667 --> 00:50:09,792 the person was pursuing, and then they got really shut down, 962 00:50:09,833 --> 00:50:12,500 or ashamed, or rejected. 963 00:50:12,542 --> 00:50:14,417 I think that happened to us, 964 00:50:14,500 --> 00:50:19,083 where you were pursuing me, and then I was not understanding 965 00:50:19,167 --> 00:50:20,583 what that pursuit was. 966 00:50:20,667 --> 00:50:22,917 I didn't see it as love. 967 00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,583 And we started to talk about the love languages, too, 968 00:50:25,667 --> 00:50:29,167 and just trying to understand how you best receive love, 969 00:50:29,250 --> 00:50:30,792 how I best receive love. 970 00:50:30,833 --> 00:50:33,792 I tend to give through serving in certain ways, 971 00:50:33,833 --> 00:50:36,417 but that wasn't necessarily how you felt loved. 972 00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:39,083 You tended to give gifts, but that wasn't necessarily 973 00:50:39,167 --> 00:50:40,583 how I received love. 974 00:50:40,667 --> 00:50:42,792 So, we thought we were loving each other 975 00:50:42,833 --> 00:50:44,333 and pursuing each other, 976 00:50:44,417 --> 00:50:46,750 but we weren't necessarily understanding it that way. 977 00:50:46,833 --> 00:50:48,750 So, what practical things during a day--let's say 978 00:50:48,833 --> 00:50:51,292 a husband and wife are separated by work or whatever--they're 979 00:50:51,333 --> 00:50:53,667 busy, they're doing their stuff, and then they're going to, 980 00:50:53,750 --> 00:50:55,792 you know, see each other in the evening. 981 00:50:55,833 --> 00:50:57,792 What practical things could this woman do-- 982 00:50:57,833 --> 00:51:01,417 it's a woman's question-- to invite her husband 983 00:51:01,500 --> 00:51:06,750 to welcome him, to be pursuing her? 984 00:51:06,833 --> 00:51:12,083 Well, I think, you know, for us--I don't know what he likes, 985 00:51:12,167 --> 00:51:17,000 so I would say, for us, you appreciate being texted or have 986 00:51:17,042 --> 00:51:19,917 notes left, so that you see I'm in regular communication 987 00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,667 and thinking about you throughout the day. 988 00:51:22,708 --> 00:51:25,292 You appreciate affection and just even acknowledgement 989 00:51:25,333 --> 00:51:27,292 when you come home, and "How are you?" 990 00:51:27,333 --> 00:51:29,667 instead of "What did you do today?" 991 00:51:29,750 --> 00:51:31,500 Engaging. 992 00:51:31,542 --> 00:51:34,458 I think we may--sometimes we want someone to pursue us, 993 00:51:34,500 --> 00:51:38,167 but we're not pursuing, and so making sure that you're 994 00:51:38,250 --> 00:51:40,917 doing things that are pursuing, like I'm saying, 995 00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:44,292 notes or whatever ways he feels appreciated, 996 00:51:44,333 --> 00:51:46,292 and loved, and encouraged. 997 00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:49,000 I think that's a big thing, because a lot of times 998 00:51:49,042 --> 00:51:51,500 what happens is a husband wants to love his wife, 999 00:51:51,542 --> 00:51:53,500 or a wife wants to love her husband, 1000 00:51:53,542 --> 00:51:55,208 and so they'll talk to their friends, 1001 00:51:55,292 --> 00:51:56,625 "What do you do?" 1002 00:51:56,667 --> 00:51:59,625 And then we try that, and you're like, "Well, it didn't work." 1003 00:51:59,667 --> 00:52:01,667 Well, it's because you're married to somebody else. 1004 00:52:01,750 --> 00:52:04,000 And it really comes down to asking your spouse--like, 1005 00:52:04,042 --> 00:52:07,292 on this, even, it'd be going to your husband and saying, 1006 00:52:07,333 --> 00:52:09,083 "I like to be pursued. 1007 00:52:09,167 --> 00:52:10,667 "I pick you. 1008 00:52:10,750 --> 00:52:13,792 What could I do to encourage that to happen more frequently?" 1009 00:52:13,833 --> 00:52:16,792 And that's, I mean, even-- and I say that even kind of 1010 00:52:16,833 --> 00:52:19,792 a funny way, because you don't want to make it all serious, 1011 00:52:19,833 --> 00:52:23,958 like a job description, you know, "Thou shalt pursuest me." 1012 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,458 It's like, "Really?" Not like that. 1013 00:52:26,500 --> 00:52:29,917 "Tag, you're it." You know, I mean make it fun. 1014 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,500 "Catch me if you can." 1015 00:52:32,542 --> 00:52:35,000 And inviting your spouse to tell you, 1016 00:52:35,042 --> 00:52:38,167 like, "Well, actually, this would be loving. 1017 00:52:38,208 --> 00:52:40,458 "This is what friendship looks like. 1018 00:52:40,500 --> 00:52:43,833 "This is why I don't pursue you like I used to, 1019 00:52:43,917 --> 00:52:45,417 "because this happened, 1020 00:52:45,500 --> 00:52:47,500 "and I'm feeling a little rejected and hurt. 1021 00:52:47,542 --> 00:52:50,292 And could we talk about that and maybe get through it?" 1022 00:52:50,333 --> 00:52:51,917 It's asking your spouse. 1023 00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:55,625 And we wrote the book together, and we wanted to encourage 1024 00:52:55,667 --> 00:53:00,083 couples to talk about these things together. 1025 00:53:00,167 --> 00:53:02,458 And so if there was any big take-away, 1026 00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:07,292 it would be talk to each other, and do so face-to-face, 1027 00:53:07,333 --> 00:53:09,833 and carve out time when you're not on the phone, 1028 00:53:09,917 --> 00:53:12,792 or in front of the kids, or watching the TV, 1029 00:53:12,833 --> 00:53:16,292 and get to the level of real intimacy, 1030 00:53:16,333 --> 00:53:18,833 and get to the issues that matter, 1031 00:53:18,917 --> 00:53:22,167 and get to the root of your problems. 1032 00:53:22,250 --> 00:53:26,667 And by the grace of God, get beyond them. 1033 00:53:26,750 --> 00:53:29,458 And that's really what we want for you. 1034 00:53:29,500 --> 00:53:31,917 We want you to talk to each other. 1035 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,667 And if you will, we believe God will honor that, 1036 00:53:34,708 --> 00:53:37,167 and it means guard your words, because life and death 1037 00:53:37,208 --> 00:53:39,500 are in the power of the tongue, Proverbs says. 1038 00:53:39,542 --> 00:53:42,167 So this is not to attack or to harm your spouse, 1039 00:53:42,250 --> 00:53:45,958 but it's to know that your spouse is not your enemy, 1040 00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,792 but they're your ally in your war against your enemy, 1041 00:53:48,833 --> 00:53:52,917 and it's trying to align with them so that, together, 1042 00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,417 you can be one, and he can be far away. 1043 00:53:56,500 --> 00:53:59,375 And so I'd just even encourage his wife, talk to your husband. 1044 00:53:59,458 --> 00:54:01,333 And being gracious with it, too, 1045 00:54:01,417 --> 00:54:03,583 and continually talking about it, because it can change. 1046 00:54:03,667 --> 00:54:06,583 One minute, they may appreciate a certain, you know, 1047 00:54:06,667 --> 00:54:11,167 gift or time together; another season, they may not. 1048 00:54:11,208 --> 00:54:13,167 They may need something different. 1049 00:54:13,208 --> 00:54:15,792 Like, with women, after you have kids, 1050 00:54:15,833 --> 00:54:20,833 you may not feel as appreciated, if you have kids hanging on you 1051 00:54:20,917 --> 00:54:23,583 all day in various forms, and then your husband wants 1052 00:54:23,667 --> 00:54:28,167 to just be another person who's taking from you. 1053 00:54:28,250 --> 00:54:32,083 It feels like, "I don't need more touch today." 1054 00:54:32,167 --> 00:54:34,292 There's just seasons that that can change, 1055 00:54:34,333 --> 00:54:37,667 and so learning to ebb and flow with that and not feel rejected. 1056 00:54:37,750 --> 00:54:39,958 We didn't talk about that a lot, initially, 1057 00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,917 and so you would pursue me, and I would feel overwhelmed, 1058 00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,167 and then you felt rejected, and so we just, 1059 00:54:45,250 --> 00:54:48,083 you know--it continued to divide us even more. 1060 00:54:48,167 --> 00:54:50,458 So, like you're saying, on a light note, 1061 00:54:50,500 --> 00:54:53,333 learning to talk about it, not automatically feel rejected, 1062 00:54:53,417 --> 00:54:56,417 if the person isn't pursuing the way you want 1063 00:54:56,500 --> 00:54:58,917 or the way they want. 1064 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:03,083 Are we going to do one more, or is that all? 1065 00:55:03,167 --> 00:55:05,000 Do one more. 1066 00:55:05,042 --> 00:55:10,292 "How does a wife heal from her husband's sin of viewing porn?" 1067 00:55:10,333 --> 00:55:13,292 Boy, this is a huge question that I don't want to give 1068 00:55:13,333 --> 00:55:16,083 a bumper sticker answer to. 1069 00:55:16,167 --> 00:55:19,917 I would say, number one, pornography is a sin. 1070 00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:25,292 Jesus says in Matthew 5 it's adultery of the heart, 1071 00:55:25,333 --> 00:55:29,750 and so it needs to be viewed as a sin, not just a fault, 1072 00:55:29,833 --> 00:55:34,167 or a thing, or a mistake, or a guy thing. 1073 00:55:34,250 --> 00:55:38,250 Number two, the husband needs to repent. 1074 00:55:38,333 --> 00:55:41,167 This is the taking out the trash chapter on sin in general. 1075 00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:42,667 He needs to repent. 1076 00:55:42,750 --> 00:55:45,000 Tell the truth, apologize. 1077 00:55:45,042 --> 00:55:48,917 This is him being honest with his wife. 1078 00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:52,833 And then the wife forgiving him, not because it's okay, 1079 00:55:52,917 --> 00:55:56,667 but because it's such a bad thing that Jesus died for it. 1080 00:55:56,750 --> 00:55:59,167 So, it's actually a bigger deal than you probably think. 1081 00:55:59,250 --> 00:56:04,250 It was so big that it killed God. 1082 00:56:04,333 --> 00:56:07,667 And because Jesus died for it, you can put the sin to death, 1083 00:56:07,708 --> 00:56:11,667 and you don't need to let the sin kill your marriage. 1084 00:56:11,708 --> 00:56:14,333 This is a process and a decision. 1085 00:56:14,417 --> 00:56:17,042 It's a decision you make, but it's a process that 1086 00:56:17,125 --> 00:56:19,667 you feel emotionally. 1087 00:56:19,708 --> 00:56:22,167 To understand what you're up against, 1088 00:56:22,208 --> 00:56:24,333 we've got the whole porn chapter in the book, 1089 00:56:24,417 --> 00:56:27,542 and the reason we put it in was because it's a big issue 1090 00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,000 in a lot of marriages. 1091 00:56:29,042 --> 00:56:30,667 And it's not just men; it's women. 1092 00:56:30,708 --> 00:56:32,167 Statistically, the fastest-growing 1093 00:56:32,208 --> 00:56:33,917 consumer of porn is actually women, 1094 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:37,542 and so it's a male and female issue and problem. 1095 00:56:37,625 --> 00:56:42,333 And there's a book called "Wired for Intimacy" 1096 00:56:42,417 --> 00:56:44,667 that I would encourage you to read. 1097 00:56:44,708 --> 00:56:48,417 It talks about the physical re-hardwiring of the body 1098 00:56:48,500 --> 00:56:51,333 and brain that pornography creates, 1099 00:56:51,417 --> 00:56:53,667 and it creates an addiction cycle 1100 00:56:53,708 --> 00:56:56,500 that's similar to heroin or opium. 1101 00:56:56,542 --> 00:56:58,917 It's very serious. 1102 00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,250 And if somebody hates it and wants to stop, 1103 00:57:01,333 --> 00:57:03,667 it's like an addict getting off of drugs. 1104 00:57:03,708 --> 00:57:07,208 It's still going to be a fight, and you need to know what you're 1105 00:57:07,292 --> 00:57:10,667 up against and what your spouse is up against. 1106 00:57:10,708 --> 00:57:14,000 This will include him having accountability, like software 1107 00:57:14,083 --> 00:57:16,708 on the computer, so you can know what he's visiting 1108 00:57:16,792 --> 00:57:19,750 and not visiting, not to be a nanny, 1109 00:57:19,833 --> 00:57:21,833 but for accountability. 1110 00:57:21,917 --> 00:57:24,333 And this would include godly men speaking into his life, 1111 00:57:24,417 --> 00:57:27,500 and the church, and him getting the help, and hope, 1112 00:57:27,583 --> 00:57:30,667 and healing that he needs in community with other men. 1113 00:57:30,708 --> 00:57:35,667 And for a wife, this is a desperate betrayal. 1114 00:57:35,708 --> 00:57:38,750 One of the leading causes of divorce, 1115 00:57:38,833 --> 00:57:41,667 at least in divorce proceedings in court, 1116 00:57:41,708 --> 00:57:44,500 is the mention of pornography, 1117 00:57:44,542 --> 00:57:47,667 that pornography is killing marriages. 1118 00:57:47,708 --> 00:57:49,500 It just is. 1119 00:57:49,542 --> 00:57:53,167 And so for the many who are here, 1120 00:57:53,208 --> 00:57:56,833 and this is an issue--perhaps the wife, perhaps the husband, 1121 00:57:56,917 --> 00:58:03,208 perhaps both are guilty of this sin--I would say, 1122 00:58:03,292 --> 00:58:08,167 beyond that very simple introductory counsel, 1123 00:58:08,208 --> 00:58:11,000 you're probably going to need to get a biblical counselor 1124 00:58:11,042 --> 00:58:12,833 and/or a pastor involved. 1125 00:58:12,875 --> 00:58:15,833 And just say, "Help us unpack this. 1126 00:58:15,917 --> 00:58:19,000 "It feels like a bomb just went off in our soul, 1127 00:58:19,042 --> 00:58:23,042 "and we need to get out from underneath the shrapnel and 1128 00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:26,417 start to heal, and we're going to need some help with that." 1129 00:58:26,500 --> 00:58:30,000 And for you men, you're going to say, "I don't want to do that, 1130 00:58:30,083 --> 00:58:31,667 because I'm ashamed." 1131 00:58:31,708 --> 00:58:33,833 Hebrews says that Jesus went to the cross, 1132 00:58:33,875 --> 00:58:36,500 and he scorned our shame. 1133 00:58:36,542 --> 00:58:38,833 And so Jesus takes the shame. 1134 00:58:38,917 --> 00:58:42,542 And as Jesus takes the shame, then you and I can be honest 1135 00:58:42,625 --> 00:58:46,250 to get the help we need to live as God would have us. 1136 00:58:46,333 --> 00:58:47,917 Okay? 1137 00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:51,167 And so we do have the taking out the trash chapter that deals 1138 00:58:51,208 --> 00:58:52,667 with how to deal with sin. 1139 00:58:52,708 --> 00:58:55,083 We do have the sex as gross, god, and gift 1140 00:58:55,167 --> 00:58:57,083 to have the two of you come to 1141 00:58:57,167 --> 00:58:58,583 the biblical understanding of sex. 1142 00:58:58,667 --> 00:59:00,167 We do have the pornography chapter, 1143 00:59:00,208 --> 00:59:02,167 and I would encourage the husband and wife 1144 00:59:02,208 --> 00:59:03,917 to read that one, as well. 1145 00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:06,167 It's very frank, without being crass, 1146 00:59:06,208 --> 00:59:08,667 and I think it puts a heart on the issue, 1147 00:59:08,708 --> 00:59:11,000 instead of just a clinical perspective, 1148 00:59:11,042 --> 00:59:15,042 though there is some of that in there. 1149 00:59:15,125 --> 00:59:18,333 Yeah, and for the wife, I would just say, 1150 00:59:18,417 --> 00:59:23,000 not in any disingenuous way, I'm sorry. 1151 00:59:23,083 --> 00:59:29,000 It's an epidemic, and it's tragic, 1152 00:59:29,042 --> 00:59:34,667 but there is hope, help, and healing 1153 00:59:34,708 --> 00:59:39,542 through a process with Jesus together. 1154 00:59:39,625 --> 00:59:42,208 I don't know if you'd add anything to that. 1155 00:59:42,292 --> 00:59:44,833 Okay. 1156 00:59:44,917 --> 00:59:49,208 Anything else, guys? 1157 00:59:49,292 --> 00:59:50,917 Why don't we do this, sweetheart? 1158 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:54,583 I'm going to ask you--it got heavy, but that's okay. 1159 00:59:54,667 --> 00:59:57,917 It means that the Holy Spirit is working in people's hearts 1160 00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:00,417 and souls, and it's going deep. 1161 01:00:00,500 --> 01:00:04,667 And I know your heart is not just that we would, you know, 1162 01:00:04,708 --> 01:00:08,250 give a few simple answers to complex problems, 1163 01:00:08,333 --> 01:00:11,000 but that we would open a conversation among couples, 1164 01:00:11,042 --> 01:00:14,750 where the Holy Spirit could really do a healing work 1165 01:00:14,833 --> 01:00:17,000 in their soul. 1166 01:00:17,042 --> 01:00:19,917 And so why don't you close our time in prayer, 1167 01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:24,583 as we commission those singles to investigate how they may see 1168 01:00:24,667 --> 01:00:28,000 sex as gross or god, and how they need to have a renewing 1169 01:00:28,042 --> 01:00:31,083 of the mind, and those married couples that may be guilty 1170 01:00:31,167 --> 01:00:33,083 of the same sins. 1171 01:00:33,167 --> 01:00:36,167 And as people are talking about this with God and their spouse, 1172 01:00:36,250 --> 01:00:42,500 why don't you just go ahead and pray for those conversations? 1173 01:00:42,542 --> 01:00:46,000 Thank you, Lord, that you have brought these people here 1174 01:00:46,042 --> 01:00:50,750 to learn and to both be convicted and encouraged 1175 01:00:50,833 --> 01:00:53,000 in all the things that your Holy Spirit 1176 01:00:53,042 --> 01:00:55,125 wants to happen here. 1177 01:00:55,167 --> 01:00:59,833 Lord, I thank you that you have given us sex as a gift, 1178 01:00:59,917 --> 01:01:03,292 and I pray that for all of us, you would renew our minds 1179 01:01:03,333 --> 01:01:06,000 as to what that looks like in our marriages; 1180 01:01:06,042 --> 01:01:08,750 and for those that are single, that you would renew 1181 01:01:08,833 --> 01:01:11,083 their minds, so that when they do get married, 1182 01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:14,083 they would have a right, holy view of sex. 1183 01:01:14,167 --> 01:01:17,500 Lord, I pray that you would heal people's marriages, 1184 01:01:17,542 --> 01:01:23,417 starting tonight, that if they view sex as gross or god, 1185 01:01:23,500 --> 01:01:26,417 that you would begin to transform that 1186 01:01:26,500 --> 01:01:30,958 into a holy meaning, that you created it to be. 1187 01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:35,333 Lord, I just pray for just honest conversations, 1188 01:01:35,417 --> 01:01:40,667 that fear would not grip them, but that they would just be able 1189 01:01:40,750 --> 01:01:45,083 to enter into gracious, forgiving, and honest conversations 1190 01:01:45,167 --> 01:01:47,083 with each other. 1191 01:01:47,167 --> 01:01:51,583 Lord, begin this process and continue to see it through to 1192 01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:57,333 forgiveness, and reconciliation, and newness in their marriage. 1193 01:01:57,417 --> 01:02:00,500 - Thank you, Lord, in Jesus' name. - Amen.