1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 Hi there Mars Hill Church 2 00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:05,000 and the extended family of Mars Hill Global. 3 00:00:05,083 --> 00:00:08,333 I'm pastor Sutton Turner here in Dilla, Ethiopia 4 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:10,292 and I wanted to take a moment and explain 5 00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:14,333 what the extended family of Mars Hill Global is. 6 00:00:14,375 --> 00:00:18,333 I was a podcaster when I was living in the Middle East 7 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:22,125 and consuming those podcasts every week, 8 00:00:22,167 --> 00:00:26,125 participating, really one way, from Mars Hill Church. 9 00:00:26,167 --> 00:00:27,917 I was really a consumer. 10 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,500 So what we're doing is setting up 11 00:00:29,542 --> 00:00:33,167 the extended family of Mars Hill Global and saying, 12 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:39,000 "Come, be a part of what Jesus Christ is doing in and through our church." 13 00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:40,917 So what does Mars Hill Global do? 14 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:46,125 Well, Mars Hill Global is doing and participating in church planting 15 00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:48,417 here in Ethiopia and also in India. 16 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:51,375 Also, we're doing church planting in the United States as well. 17 00:00:51,458 --> 00:00:53,583 We're doing all of that because in Mars Hill Church 18 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,417 we believe that Jesus has called us to make disciples and plant churches. 19 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:02,375 So I want to ask you to be a part. I want to as you to be a part 20 00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:04,208 of the extended family of Mars Hill Global. 21 00:01:04,292 --> 00:01:05,583 Sign up today. 22 00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:08,333 Become a member of the extended family, 23 00:01:08,375 --> 00:01:10,917 start participating online with us, 24 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,500 and let's see what Jesus Christ is going to do, 25 00:01:13,542 --> 00:01:16,500 not only in the United States, but to the ends of the Earth. 26 00:01:17,167 --> 00:01:30,083 [music] 27 00:01:37,875 --> 00:01:40,000 [Laughing] I'm Joshua. 28 00:01:40,042 --> 00:01:41,792 I'm Spencer. Hey, I'm Jonathan. 29 00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:43,625 I'm a lawyer, and I'm a mom. 30 00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:45,333 I'm a colorist in the fashion industry. 31 00:01:45,375 --> 00:01:47,000 I don't know how to not smile. 32 00:01:47,083 --> 00:01:48,417 I am a strategist. 33 00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:49,917 I work in commercial real estate. 34 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,625 Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out 35 00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:53,125 how to phrase my work. 36 00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,333 People are always coming up to me with, like, 37 00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:56,708 creative ideas. 38 00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:59,708 I carry around a baseball that reminds me of my dad. 39 00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:04,333 I lost my home, my car, my retirement. 40 00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:07,208 Most days look pretty, kind of crazy. 41 00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:11,875 Being a wholesaler, we have a big warehouse space. 42 00:02:11,958 --> 00:02:13,542 I like to think through things. 43 00:02:13,625 --> 00:02:15,250 I got a tattoo of a tree. 44 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:16,667 I love--I love that. 45 00:02:16,708 --> 00:02:19,250 Who do you think-- Who do you think you are? 46 00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:26,500 The most important person in your entire life is your father. 47 00:02:26,583 --> 00:02:30,500 He has more power than anyone to influence you 48 00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:34,125 for good or for evil. 49 00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:35,625 What was your dad like? 50 00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:37,333 Did you have a good dad? 51 00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:38,833 Even hearing the word "father," 52 00:02:38,875 --> 00:02:41,333 does that conjure up some amazing memories, 53 00:02:41,417 --> 00:02:45,250 bring a smile to your face, and joy in your heart? 54 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,833 Does it cause you to feel a sense of loss? 55 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,458 You don't know your father. 56 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:50,833 He abandoned you. 57 00:02:50,917 --> 00:02:52,250 He betrayed you. 58 00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:53,667 He disowned you. 59 00:02:53,708 --> 00:02:55,042 He has failed you. 60 00:02:55,125 --> 00:03:00,208 He has become an enemy toward you. 61 00:03:00,292 --> 00:03:02,833 Men, this sermon is for you. 62 00:03:02,875 --> 00:03:06,083 We're going to do things a little bit differently today. 63 00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:10,125 We were going to be in Ephesians 6:1-9. 64 00:03:10,167 --> 00:03:15,083 We're just going to camp in Ephesians 6:1-4. 65 00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:18,083 The first time I preached this sermon just a few hours ago, 66 00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:20,875 I just decided in the moment we're going to do things 67 00:03:20,958 --> 00:03:22,292 a little differently today. 68 00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:23,792 I know I wrote a book. 69 00:03:23,833 --> 00:03:25,792 I know the book has a different topic. 70 00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:27,333 Here's what we're going to do. 71 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:30,500 Ephesians 6:1-4--if you've got a Bible, go there. 72 00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:33,000 Women, I want you to ask yourself: 73 00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:37,333 what kind of man will raise your children? 74 00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:39,958 Men, I want you to ask the question: 75 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:44,500 what kind of father are you or will you be? 76 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:48,333 How will your children perceive you, speak of you, 77 00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:51,458 look to you, follow you? 78 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,833 What is your responsibility toward your own children? 79 00:03:54,917 --> 00:03:58,500 In a day when the majority of children born to women 80 00:03:58,583 --> 00:04:01,792 under the age of 30 are born out of wedlock, 81 00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:06,708 upwards of 30% plus of kids tonight go to bed without their 82 00:04:06,792 --> 00:04:10,375 biological father, when we've handed our responsibilities 83 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:15,208 to governments, and to schools, and to prisons, and to churches, 84 00:04:15,292 --> 00:04:16,708 where are the men? 85 00:04:16,792 --> 00:04:18,333 Where are the husbands? 86 00:04:18,375 --> 00:04:20,167 Where are the fathers? 87 00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:22,500 This is one of our distinguishing convictions at 88 00:04:22,583 --> 00:04:26,708 Mars Hill Church for 17 years, and as long as there is 89 00:04:26,792 --> 00:04:31,125 air in my lungs, this is what we will be talking about. 90 00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:33,125 Many, if not most, 91 00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:37,000 of the problems that we are facing as a people 92 00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:40,333 can absolutely be laid at the feet of the men, 93 00:04:40,375 --> 00:04:43,542 the failure to obey Ephesians 5, 94 00:04:43,625 --> 00:04:46,958 and to be good, loving husbands who lead their families, 95 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,500 and Ephesians 6--devoted dads 96 00:04:49,583 --> 00:04:52,000 who are committed to their children. 97 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,042 Many of you men are going to leave. 98 00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:57,917 You should all stay, and by God's grace we can all change. 99 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,333 And Paul's first word is to the children, 100 00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:02,500 and then he's going to speak to the parents, 101 00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:05,208 and then he is really going to hammer on the dads, 102 00:05:05,292 --> 00:05:08,375 because he loves us dads, and he has bestowed on us 103 00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:10,625 this incredible title of "father" 104 00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:12,917 that we get to share with him. 105 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,333 So first, he has a word for the children. 106 00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,417 Let's read it all together. 107 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,833 Ephesians 6:1-4, "Children." 108 00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:23,500 Any of you children? 109 00:05:23,583 --> 00:05:25,333 Children? 110 00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:27,167 "Yes." 111 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:30,667 OK, children, the word here refers to younger kids. 112 00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:33,625 Some of you, you have overbearing religious mothers. 113 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,292 They're 65, you're 45, they pull this verse out and say, 114 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:38,375 "You need to do what I say." 115 00:05:38,458 --> 00:05:42,417 No, OK? I love you, but I was reading a book called the Bible, 116 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:45,667 and the word "children" is not for 45 year olds 117 00:05:45,708 --> 00:05:47,708 with their own children. 118 00:05:47,792 --> 00:05:49,250 It's for kids like mine. 119 00:05:49,333 --> 00:05:52,333 I've got kids, all right-- 7, 9, 11, 13, and 15. 120 00:05:52,375 --> 00:05:54,917 Every other year, somebody shows up with our last name. 121 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,417 That's the Driscoll family, OK? 122 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,458 That's it, right? 123 00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:01,292 When my kids hit their teen years, 124 00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:03,000 and all this is what we're talking about. 125 00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:04,417 We're talking about children. 126 00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:06,833 We're not talking about grown adults who have children. 127 00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:10,917 "Children," uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, very controversial word. 128 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,292 People are going to get their feelings hurt. 129 00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:15,833 Oh boy, this sociologist took a vote on this. 130 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,708 They're not sure about this word. 131 00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,625 What does it say, Mars Hill? 132 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,000 Obey. 133 00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:22,833 You know what that means in Greek? 134 00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:25,500 Obey, OK? 135 00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:29,500 "Obey"--not everybody. Who? 136 00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:31,333 "Your parents." 137 00:06:31,375 --> 00:06:33,708 Oh, kids should have parents? 138 00:06:33,792 --> 00:06:37,000 Yeah, just throwing it out there. 139 00:06:37,083 --> 00:06:38,667 What kind of parents? 140 00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:40,250 How about a mother and father? 141 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,250 We're into a lot of controversial stuff now, 142 00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:43,667 aren't we? 143 00:06:43,708 --> 00:06:45,667 It didn't take long. Welcome to Mars Hill. 144 00:06:45,708 --> 00:06:47,667 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord"-- 145 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,625 meaning, the parents are to teach on behalf of the Lord, 146 00:06:50,667 --> 00:06:52,667 and the children are to obey the parents, 147 00:06:52,708 --> 00:06:55,417 and if the parents are teaching what the Lord teaches, then 148 00:06:55,500 --> 00:07:00,167 the parents are being obeyed as the Lord is being obeyed. 149 00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:03,000 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." 150 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,667 What, what, what? 151 00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:06,708 There's right and wrong? 152 00:07:06,792 --> 00:07:10,333 Yep, very controversial. 153 00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:11,917 People say, "That's wrong." 154 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,000 No, no, no, I'm right. 155 00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:16,208 All right, here we go. 156 00:07:16,292 --> 00:07:20,375 "Honor your father and mother." 157 00:07:20,458 --> 00:07:23,000 Come on, you guys who went to school, read along. 158 00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:27,500 "Honor your father and mother." 159 00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:31,625 Kids are like, "Should have stayed home today. 160 00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:34,500 Should have--this is going to be a bad day for me." 161 00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:37,708 Oh, it's going to be a good day for your folks, though, OK? 162 00:07:37,792 --> 00:07:39,708 "(This is the first commandment with a promise)." 163 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,750 So he's talking about the Ten Commandments. 164 00:07:41,833 --> 00:07:44,000 He's, here, echoing one of the Ten Commandments. 165 00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:47,167 "That it may go well with you and that you may live long 166 00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:48,542 in the land." 167 00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:50,125 Oh, here we are at dads. 168 00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:52,833 We dealt with children, moms and dads, now dads. 169 00:07:52,917 --> 00:07:54,917 We're going to deal with all of this. 170 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,458 It's going to take an hour. 171 00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:59,958 "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, 172 00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:02,917 "but bring them up in the discipline and instruction 173 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,917 of the Lord." 174 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,500 So, starts with an exhortation to children, 175 00:08:07,542 --> 00:08:10,708 those who are under authority, and then it gives exhortation 176 00:08:10,792 --> 00:08:14,333 to parents, those who are in authority. 177 00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:18,708 Beginning with the children. You and I need to think biblically 178 00:08:18,792 --> 00:08:20,792 when it comes to children. 179 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:24,000 The Bible says that children are a blessing. 180 00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:26,167 They're a blessing. 181 00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:29,708 They're an expensive, complicated blessing, amen? 182 00:08:29,792 --> 00:08:31,125 But they're a blessing. 183 00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:32,500 You kids are a blessing. 184 00:08:32,583 --> 00:08:34,208 I tell this to the Driscoll kids. 185 00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:36,208 "Hey, you're my blessing, you're my blessing, 186 00:08:36,292 --> 00:08:37,625 you're my blessing." 187 00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,833 I kiss them, I love them, I hug them. 188 00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:42,333 They'll confirm this, and they know that they're my blessing. 189 00:08:42,417 --> 00:08:46,167 They're a blessing, but they're also sinners. 190 00:08:46,208 --> 00:08:49,708 We do not believe that children are innately good. 191 00:08:49,792 --> 00:08:52,917 Every once in a while, somebody will get on TV or they'll sing 192 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,708 some silly song, "Oh that we could all be innocent 193 00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:57,458 like children." 194 00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,458 The only people who think that are people 195 00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:01,417 who don't have children. 196 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,833 People who have children know they're sinful. 197 00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:07,125 You don't have to teach them to be selfish, 198 00:09:07,167 --> 00:09:09,917 to throw a tantrum, to disobey. 199 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,792 They just have it in them. 200 00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:13,833 It's their sin nature. 201 00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:17,208 So, we know children are a blessing, but they're born, 202 00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:19,125 conceived, with a sin nature. 203 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:22,000 So, what that means is our view of parenting is 204 00:09:22,042 --> 00:09:25,500 absolutely shaped by our biblical convictions. 205 00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:28,333 So, you go out into culture, and they'll basically tell you 206 00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:30,333 people are basically good, 207 00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:31,708 children are altogether innocent, 208 00:09:31,792 --> 00:09:34,417 and essentially, we need to just create an environment where they 209 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:39,167 can naturally become whoever their heart declares them to be. 210 00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:43,708 Look at the world-- it's not going well. 211 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:47,500 If you just allow children to become what their fallen, 212 00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:52,750 sinful nature designates, you hate them. 213 00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:56,042 You hate them. 214 00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:58,042 You hate them. 215 00:09:58,125 --> 00:10:01,042 Instead, we know that children need a new nature. 216 00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:03,958 They need to meet the Lord Jesus and have their sins forgiven. 217 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,208 They need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. 218 00:10:06,292 --> 00:10:09,417 See, prior to this chapter, Ephesians has been talking 219 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:12,958 a lot, in chapters 1 through 3, about who Jesus is 220 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,542 and what Jesus does. 221 00:10:15,625 --> 00:10:19,667 And then once we understand who Jesus is and what Jesus does, 222 00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:23,458 then chapters 4 through 6 help us understand who we are 223 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:28,333 in Christ and what we do in Christ. 224 00:10:28,417 --> 00:10:31,625 So, he's talked about marriage relationships. 225 00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:34,250 And here he's talking about parental relationships. 226 00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,833 So, after learning about what Jesus has done, 227 00:10:36,917 --> 00:10:42,083 now there's some things for us to do--in Christ. 228 00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:45,792 And this includes an exhortation to children, 229 00:10:45,833 --> 00:10:47,792 that they need to come to Christ 230 00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:49,792 and have their sins forgiven in Christ. 231 00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:52,292 We don't believe that people are born in right relationship 232 00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:53,667 with God; 233 00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:56,375 we believe that they must be born again in right relationship 234 00:10:56,458 --> 00:10:57,792 with God. 235 00:10:57,833 --> 00:10:59,542 Some of you have very defiant children. 236 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,250 You say, "What's wrong with them?" 237 00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:03,625 Perhaps they need a new nature. 238 00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:06,750 Our goal is not to just have moral children 239 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,042 but to have children who love God and obey him 240 00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:12,667 out of a new heart. 241 00:11:12,708 --> 00:11:15,458 So, we're not looking just at behavior modification. 242 00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,750 We're looking at salvation for a child. 243 00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:22,833 But children can come to know the Lord Jesus very young. 244 00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:24,917 They can. 245 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,750 Paul tells Timothy--he says, 246 00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:28,667 "You've known the Scriptures from infancy." 247 00:11:28,708 --> 00:11:31,333 Little kids can learn a lot about Jesus. 248 00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:34,167 Little kids can come to know and love the Lord Jesus, 249 00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:38,042 and little children need parents who are in the Lord, 250 00:11:38,125 --> 00:11:42,333 love the Lord, serve the Lord, and then represent the Lord 251 00:11:42,417 --> 00:11:45,167 in instructing the child, and then the child is to-- 252 00:11:45,208 --> 00:11:49,500 two words, "honor" and "obey." 253 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,625 The obedience is often outward--it's the kid 254 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:54,542 actually does what you're asking them to do. 255 00:11:54,625 --> 00:11:57,333 The honor is more inward. 256 00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,500 Have you seen a kid who has outward obedience 257 00:11:59,583 --> 00:12:01,792 but not inward honor? 258 00:12:01,833 --> 00:12:03,875 "Could you please go do your room?" 259 00:12:03,958 --> 00:12:08,000 "Pfft, really, seriously? 260 00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:10,708 OK." 261 00:12:10,792 --> 00:12:13,208 Not a lot of honor in that. 262 00:12:13,292 --> 00:12:16,625 Obedience but not honor. 263 00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:21,500 God wants inward honor and outward obedience. 264 00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:25,125 Religious parents only care about outward obedience. 265 00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:27,708 Christian parents also care about inward honor. 266 00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:30,292 It's like our relationship with God our Father. 267 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:34,000 He doesn't want us just to obey him; he wants us to honor him. 268 00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:36,417 "My Father loves me. My Father is good to me. 269 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,125 "My Father's commands are for my good. 270 00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:41,417 "I want to do what my Dad says 271 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:44,250 "because my Dad is always looking out for me. 272 00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:46,417 "So yes, I'll obey him outwardly, 273 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:49,042 but I want to honor him inwardly." 274 00:12:49,125 --> 00:12:52,458 Children need to obey their parents. 275 00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:57,667 Parents, this means that you should teach your children, 276 00:12:57,708 --> 00:13:01,417 you should be able to give instructions to your child, 277 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:04,667 and your child should obey you. 278 00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:09,667 They should. They should. And this differs from so much 279 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:12,875 parenting philosophy and nonsense out there: 280 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,500 The kids are basically good. 281 00:13:14,583 --> 00:13:17,208 Just create an environment that they're safe and then let them 282 00:13:17,292 --> 00:13:19,667 grow and be whoever they will be. 283 00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:22,833 As I said, if you hate them, do that. 284 00:13:22,875 --> 00:13:26,167 If you love them, do this. 285 00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:29,625 "The world in its wisdom does not know God." 286 00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:34,500 So, children need to honor their father and their mother. 287 00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:37,833 Oh, mother and father. 288 00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:41,333 The assumption is that the best scenario for the raising 289 00:13:41,375 --> 00:13:44,750 of a child is a--what's it say? 290 00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:48,667 Mother and a father. 291 00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:51,833 Crazy, that's usually what is required to create a child, 292 00:13:51,875 --> 00:13:54,417 and lo and behold, it also is the best context 293 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,250 for raising one. 294 00:13:56,333 --> 00:13:58,167 A man and a woman. 295 00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,417 Again, we're Christians. 296 00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,792 The whole world disagrees with us on almost everything, 297 00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:06,208 so it's not a shock that they disagree with us on this. 298 00:14:06,292 --> 00:14:10,500 What this means as well is that the child needs to obey 299 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,500 the mother and the father. 300 00:14:12,542 --> 00:14:15,125 What this assumes is the mother and father are asking 301 00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:17,375 and teaching the same things. 302 00:14:17,458 --> 00:14:19,917 How many of you didn't grow up in that home? 303 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,583 Mom says no. 304 00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,208 That's OK, go ask dad. 305 00:14:23,292 --> 00:14:25,917 He never agrees with mom anyways--or vice versa. 306 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,708 The assumption is that Mom and Dad are in the Lord. 307 00:14:28,792 --> 00:14:30,583 That means they're in Christ, they're Christians, 308 00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:32,625 they're in the Bible, they agree theologically. 309 00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:35,417 And for you who are single, don't just marry a Christian, 310 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,083 marry a Christian who you agree with theologically. 311 00:14:38,167 --> 00:14:40,708 Otherwise, you're going to have real conflict 312 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,542 when it comes to organizing your home 313 00:14:42,625 --> 00:14:44,333 and raising your children. 314 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:48,042 All right, let's say, for example, you know, Mom and Dad agree. 315 00:14:48,125 --> 00:14:51,542 Yeah, Mom is the best one to stay home with the kids, 316 00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:54,250 when they are little, to invest in them. 317 00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,833 Let's say Mom and Dad don't agree on that. 318 00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:59,542 It's going to lead to all kinds of conflict on how 319 00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,333 they organize their home. 320 00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:03,333 You need not just agree about the essentials 321 00:15:03,375 --> 00:15:04,708 of the Christian faith. 322 00:15:04,792 --> 00:15:06,208 If you're going to marry someone, 323 00:15:06,292 --> 00:15:08,417 you have to agree about the secondary matters about 324 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,625 Ephesians 5, gender roles, marriage roles, Ephesians 6, 325 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:13,583 family structure, who parents, how they parent, 326 00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:15,917 who takes primary responsibility for the leadership 327 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,500 in the family, who's the primary provider, 328 00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,333 who's the homemaker/caretaker. 329 00:15:20,375 --> 00:15:23,125 It's seriously, seriously, seriously important. 330 00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:24,875 Some of you don't think it is. 331 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:27,792 Take it from a guy who's been doing this for 17 years. 332 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:29,833 It's really important. 333 00:15:29,875 --> 00:15:32,833 Those of you who are married, those of you who are parents, 334 00:15:32,875 --> 00:15:35,083 true or false: this is really important? 335 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,708 It's true, right? 336 00:15:36,792 --> 00:15:39,458 It's hard enough, if you agree, to put your life together. 337 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,167 If you don't even agree, you'll never put your life together. 338 00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:44,917 So, the assumption is that the parents are in the Lord 339 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,667 and that they agree and that they're teaching the same thing 340 00:15:47,708 --> 00:15:49,208 to the child. 341 00:15:49,292 --> 00:15:51,208 So, if Mom says it, the kids know, 342 00:15:51,292 --> 00:15:52,625 "Well, that's what Dad thinks." 343 00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:54,333 If Dad says it, the kids think, 344 00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:56,333 "Well, that's what Dad and Mom agree to." 345 00:15:56,417 --> 00:15:59,667 And the worst home, a bad situation, is Mom tells the kids 346 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:02,333 to do something, the kids are defiant, 347 00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:05,125 they're dishonoring and disobedient, and then Mom, 348 00:16:05,167 --> 00:16:07,333 at her wit's end, gets really frustrated and says, 349 00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:11,083 "Wait until--" 350 00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:15,333 Oh, it happened at your house, too? 351 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,625 There was quite a chorus there. 352 00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:22,625 "Wait until--wait until--wait until your dad comes home." 353 00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:28,625 If that needs to be said, the parents are not obeying 354 00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:32,917 and honoring both their father and their mother. 355 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,917 And Mom is saying, "You don't honor me; you don't obey me. 356 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000 "Wait until your dad gets home. 357 00:16:38,042 --> 00:16:41,500 He's bigger"--which is really not a biblical argument, 358 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:46,958 but that's what a frustrated mom says, right? 359 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:51,708 Sometimes, the kids are doing things that are dangerous, 360 00:16:51,792 --> 00:16:54,333 and you can't wait till Dad gets home. 361 00:16:54,417 --> 00:16:57,417 Sometimes the kids are creating chaos; 362 00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,750 you can't wait until Dad gets home. 363 00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:02,875 Sometimes one child is setting a horrendous example 364 00:17:02,958 --> 00:17:05,667 for the other children, 365 00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:08,417 because oftentimes, the younger kids look up to 366 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:11,208 the older kids. 367 00:17:11,292 --> 00:17:14,000 Luke 6:40, I think it is, Jesus says, 368 00:17:14,042 --> 00:17:16,375 "When fully trained, disciples are like their teacher." 369 00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:20,333 Big brother, big sister, you're a disciple maker. 370 00:17:20,375 --> 00:17:22,625 You're either creating a worshipper or a terrorist, 371 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,875 but your little brother or sister will be like you. 372 00:17:25,958 --> 00:17:29,417 And so it can't just be, "Wait until your father gets home," 373 00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:32,000 because what that means is, practically, functionally, 374 00:17:32,042 --> 00:17:36,000 the children are in charge until Dad shows up. 375 00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:37,708 That's not a biblical home. 376 00:17:37,792 --> 00:17:39,167 That's not a healthy home. 377 00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:40,833 That's not a godly home. 378 00:17:40,917 --> 00:17:43,458 That's oftentimes not even a safe home. 379 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,833 Mom says, basically, "It's out of control. 380 00:17:45,875 --> 00:17:47,708 "You're in charge till Dad comes home, 381 00:17:47,792 --> 00:17:49,542 and then we'll get a new leader." 382 00:17:49,625 --> 00:17:51,958 That's anarchy. 383 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:57,458 The lunatics have taken over the asylum at that point, right? 384 00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,125 "Children"--I shouldn't have said that. 385 00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:01,333 There'll be other things I shouldn't say, 386 00:18:01,375 --> 00:18:03,125 and they'll be forthcoming. 387 00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:06,208 So, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 388 00:18:06,292 --> 00:18:08,417 "'Honor your father and mother' 389 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,667 "(this is the first commandment with a promise), 390 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:13,500 "'that it may go well with you and that you may 391 00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:16,333 live long in the land.'" 392 00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:23,000 God expects children to learn, children to honor, 393 00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:27,833 children to obey, and we cannot allow the excuses of culture 394 00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:30,500 to create exceptions to Scripture. 395 00:18:30,583 --> 00:18:32,917 We do; we create whole-- 396 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,708 "Oh, well they're in the terrible twos. 397 00:18:35,792 --> 00:18:39,042 "So, for this year, they're evil. 398 00:18:39,125 --> 00:18:42,250 "At three, as soon as you light the birthday cake at three, 399 00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:44,333 "it'll be fine. 400 00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:48,000 "It'll be fine-- because it's twos. 401 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,333 "Oh they're in junior high? 402 00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:54,333 "Well, yeah, oh, it's the teen years, 403 00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:59,458 "so basically from, like, the end of 12 until pushing 20, 404 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:03,708 "you just sort of--good luck! 405 00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,708 "You know, good luck. 406 00:19:05,792 --> 00:19:09,083 "You know, I just--hopefully nobody gets pregnant 407 00:19:09,167 --> 00:19:12,500 "and I know a good rehab hotline. 408 00:19:12,583 --> 00:19:14,000 "You know, good luck. 409 00:19:14,083 --> 00:19:16,000 Oh, it's the teen years." 410 00:19:16,042 --> 00:19:17,708 We just expect rebellion. 411 00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:19,875 We just expect it. 412 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:21,708 And then they're in their 20s. 413 00:19:21,792 --> 00:19:23,500 "Well, you know, you're in your 20s. 414 00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:25,125 "Oh, you're in college. 415 00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:26,875 "Well, in college, you know, you drink 416 00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,875 "and everybody gets a major in stupid. 417 00:19:28,958 --> 00:19:30,292 "They just do that. 418 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,500 "They just do stupid things. "Oh, you're single now? 419 00:19:32,542 --> 00:19:35,500 "Well, you know, you're in your 20s, have some fun, you know, 420 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,333 "you don't want to take any respons--" 421 00:19:37,375 --> 00:19:38,708 All of sudden, 422 00:19:38,792 --> 00:19:42,250 what you get is a culture where grown adults still act like 423 00:19:42,333 --> 00:19:46,708 children because they never matured in the Lord, 424 00:19:46,792 --> 00:19:49,458 either because they didn't have parents who instructed them, 425 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:53,542 or if they did, they didn't honor and obey their parents. 426 00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:56,667 The result is we have a whole generation of people who are 427 00:19:56,708 --> 00:20:00,958 physically adults but emotionally children. 428 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,042 And then they tend to have their own children and have no clue 429 00:20:04,125 --> 00:20:09,917 how to parent those children, and that is called America, 430 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,833 OK? 431 00:20:13,917 --> 00:20:17,833 So, what's the answer? 432 00:20:19,917 --> 00:20:23,333 Take a look at it. 433 00:20:23,375 --> 00:20:30,000 Well, there's a very important word right here. 434 00:20:30,083 --> 00:20:32,417 What's that word, Mars Hill? 435 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:36,417 "Fathers." 436 00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,667 "Fathers." 437 00:20:41,667 --> 00:20:46,833 Boy, I don't know anywhere else you'd go to learn about that, 438 00:20:46,917 --> 00:20:49,333 do you? 439 00:20:49,417 --> 00:20:52,542 Any of you right now say, "I'd like to be a good father, 440 00:20:52,625 --> 00:20:54,042 where do I go for that?" 441 00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:55,500 Good luck! 442 00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:57,333 Welcome to Mars Hill. 443 00:20:57,417 --> 00:21:00,167 This is what we do. 444 00:21:00,208 --> 00:21:02,042 This is what Scripture teaches. 445 00:21:02,125 --> 00:21:04,750 This is what God commands. 446 00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:07,833 Moms and dads are equal, but they don't bear 447 00:21:07,917 --> 00:21:10,500 equal responsibility. 448 00:21:10,583 --> 00:21:13,458 Mothers and fathers have responsibility for 449 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,417 the well-being of the children, 450 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:17,208 but fathers bear primary responsibility. 451 00:21:17,292 --> 00:21:20,500 That's the teaching of the Bible. 452 00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:23,833 You feel that weight on your shoulder, men? 453 00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:27,458 You should. You should. 454 00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:31,208 OK, if you're a father right now, stand up. 455 00:21:31,292 --> 00:21:34,542 Even if your wife's pregnant, stand up. 456 00:21:34,625 --> 00:21:36,500 OK, you fathers--I'm a father. 457 00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:38,542 I've got five kids. 458 00:21:38,625 --> 00:21:40,542 Fathers, are you a good dad? 459 00:21:40,625 --> 00:21:42,458 Are you a bad dad? 460 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,417 Are you taking responsibility for your family? 461 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,667 Are you abdicating responsibility for your family? 462 00:21:46,708 --> 00:21:50,250 Would your children consider you a blessing or a burden? 463 00:21:50,333 --> 00:21:55,750 Is your wife glad to have you, or is she grieved to have you? 464 00:21:55,833 --> 00:21:58,750 Who will your sons marry? 465 00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:01,208 Will your sons marry? 466 00:22:01,292 --> 00:22:03,667 Will your daughters marry? 467 00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:06,417 Who will your daughters marry? 468 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:10,417 Do you want your daughters to marry men like you? 469 00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:12,875 They probably will. 470 00:22:12,958 --> 00:22:15,417 Do you want your sons to become men like you? 471 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,333 They probably will. 472 00:22:18,375 --> 00:22:20,500 How much time have you already wasted, 473 00:22:20,583 --> 00:22:23,000 and what remains to be done? 474 00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:26,208 Right now, standing up, do you feel encouraged, like, 475 00:22:26,292 --> 00:22:28,333 "Yes, I assume this responsibility, 476 00:22:28,375 --> 00:22:30,583 and I want to grow in it." 477 00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:32,583 Or do you feel embarrassed and ashamed-- 478 00:22:32,667 --> 00:22:34,583 "I've failed miserably, and I have no right 479 00:22:34,667 --> 00:22:36,833 to be standing among God's men"? 480 00:22:36,875 --> 00:22:39,167 Please have a seat. 481 00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:43,333 I love you men, and I have this great opportunity to teach you. 482 00:22:43,417 --> 00:22:46,042 For those of you men who are married, 483 00:22:46,125 --> 00:22:50,167 your wife is sitting next to you, and she is desperately hoping 484 00:22:50,208 --> 00:22:53,542 that you receive this. 485 00:22:53,625 --> 00:22:57,667 She wants you to lovingly, humbly lead the family 486 00:22:57,708 --> 00:23:01,708 and take responsibility for the children. 487 00:23:01,792 --> 00:23:05,417 If the Holy Spirit is in her and the Holy Spirit is in you, 488 00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:08,375 then your desires are the desires of the word of God, 489 00:23:08,458 --> 00:23:10,625 because the same Holy Spirit who wrote the Scriptures 490 00:23:10,667 --> 00:23:13,292 lives in you, and he will cause you to desire 491 00:23:13,333 --> 00:23:16,125 what he commands you to do. 492 00:23:16,167 --> 00:23:21,208 Men, there is an epidemic of failure as fathers. 493 00:23:21,292 --> 00:23:25,833 We know this, and God's answer is for you and I, 494 00:23:25,875 --> 00:23:29,417 by the grace of God, to have God as our Father, to see how 495 00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:32,708 he fathers us, and then we, in kind, 496 00:23:32,792 --> 00:23:36,500 we father our own children. 497 00:23:38,708 --> 00:23:40,958 "Fathers." 498 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,042 So many books out there today are on parenting. 499 00:23:44,125 --> 00:23:46,958 I think many of them are wonderful, 500 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:52,417 but it's also about fathering. 501 00:23:52,500 --> 00:23:54,958 There are additional responsibilities 502 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:59,375 that are to be carried on the back of the dad. 503 00:24:02,375 --> 00:24:04,417 He gives us two categories: 504 00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:09,333 "Do not provoke your children to anger," OK, 505 00:24:09,375 --> 00:24:13,667 "but do bring them up in the discipline and instruction 506 00:24:13,750 --> 00:24:16,208 and the paideia of the Lord." 507 00:24:16,292 --> 00:24:19,833 So, do not provoke them, but do train and raise them. 508 00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:21,667 We'll deal with these in kind. 509 00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:23,208 "Do not provoke." 510 00:24:23,292 --> 00:24:28,667 How does a father provoke his children? 511 00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:30,333 There's a long list. 512 00:24:30,375 --> 00:24:32,208 Let me share with you a few. 513 00:24:32,292 --> 00:24:36,625 And dads, I want to take this from theoretical to practical. 514 00:24:36,667 --> 00:24:40,667 I don't want you just to have a good theology of fathering. 515 00:24:40,708 --> 00:24:46,208 I want you to have good fatherly instincts. 516 00:24:47,583 --> 00:24:48,958 Dads, you need to know this. 517 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,708 This is true for moms as well, but I'm speaking specifically 518 00:24:51,792 --> 00:24:53,417 to the dads. 519 00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,250 Think of it like a bank account. 520 00:24:55,333 --> 00:25:00,833 Encouragement is a deposit; criticism is a withdrawal. 521 00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:04,333 One of the ways you provoke your children to anger is you make 522 00:25:04,375 --> 00:25:07,667 far more withdrawals than you do deposits. 523 00:25:07,750 --> 00:25:12,333 A lot of your time with your children should be encouraging. 524 00:25:12,375 --> 00:25:14,083 "You did your best; I appreciate that. 525 00:25:14,167 --> 00:25:16,500 "I know this is hard; I'm praying for you. 526 00:25:16,542 --> 00:25:19,292 "You are a blessing; I'm glad to have you. 527 00:25:19,333 --> 00:25:22,500 "Hey, I saw what you did, and I just wanted to tell you 528 00:25:22,583 --> 00:25:24,625 "I really appreciate that. 529 00:25:24,667 --> 00:25:26,708 "I know that was not easy for you; 530 00:25:26,792 --> 00:25:28,708 thanks for hanging in there." 531 00:25:28,792 --> 00:25:32,000 Lots and lots and lots of encouragement, right? 532 00:25:32,083 --> 00:25:35,667 This can be a letter, a text, you know, a verbal affirmation, 533 00:25:35,750 --> 00:25:37,500 a kiss on the forehead. 534 00:25:37,583 --> 00:25:40,250 "I know this is tough. Here, let me pray for you. 535 00:25:40,333 --> 00:25:41,958 "Lord, please help them. I love them. 536 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,000 "Help them do this. Help them obey. 537 00:25:44,083 --> 00:25:45,958 "Help them understand this. 538 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,833 Help them persevere through this." 539 00:25:47,917 --> 00:25:49,958 Encouragement. 540 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,542 You and I, as parents, we're going to make withdrawals 541 00:25:52,625 --> 00:25:55,667 because the kids have sinned. 542 00:25:55,708 --> 00:25:58,625 But what provokes a child to anger is when they feel like 543 00:25:58,667 --> 00:26:02,333 the parent is a critic and not a coach, 544 00:26:02,375 --> 00:26:05,667 one who is there to just point out the flaws and not to help 545 00:26:05,750 --> 00:26:08,500 provide some solutions. 546 00:26:08,542 --> 00:26:11,583 You can see this with some children. 547 00:26:11,667 --> 00:26:14,500 Let's say dad walks up to a kid--and I've seen this. 548 00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:16,125 Dad walks up to a kid, 549 00:26:16,167 --> 00:26:18,625 "OK, I need to talk to you about something." 550 00:26:18,667 --> 00:26:21,083 You can see the kid immediately, head drops, shoulders slouch, 551 00:26:21,167 --> 00:26:23,833 look at the ground, "What did I do now?" 552 00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:27,000 If that's the first instinct of the child, 553 00:26:27,083 --> 00:26:30,333 then there's a serious problem with the parent. 554 00:26:30,375 --> 00:26:32,625 The assumption is, you never talk to me 555 00:26:32,667 --> 00:26:36,167 unless you're going to criticize me. 556 00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:39,333 If you're coming to talk to me, it's a bad thing. 557 00:26:39,417 --> 00:26:41,542 It shouldn't be that way, all right. 558 00:26:41,625 --> 00:26:43,958 The parents in general, but fathers in particular, 559 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,667 should be like, "Hey, what do you want to talk about? 560 00:26:46,708 --> 00:26:48,833 "Because most of the time my dad comes, 561 00:26:48,917 --> 00:26:51,458 "it's because he loves me and wants to encourage me 562 00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:54,042 "or teach me something, or hang out with me. 563 00:26:54,125 --> 00:26:57,542 My first instinct is not, 'Oh no, here comes my dad.'" 564 00:26:57,625 --> 00:27:00,708 And if you are that way, you provoke your children to anger. 565 00:27:00,792 --> 00:27:03,583 They feel like, "Man, my parents don't even pay attention. 566 00:27:03,667 --> 00:27:05,917 "My parents don't even see the things 567 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,625 "that I'm trying to do. 568 00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:10,500 They don't even pay attention to the things that I do well." 569 00:27:10,583 --> 00:27:12,500 In addition, another way that parents in general, 570 00:27:12,542 --> 00:27:15,125 but fathers in particular, can provoke their children to anger 571 00:27:15,167 --> 00:27:17,625 is physically. 572 00:27:17,667 --> 00:27:23,833 Hit the kid, shove the kid, kick the kid, get in the kid's face, 573 00:27:23,875 --> 00:27:28,750 provoke, escalate, intimidate. 574 00:27:31,458 --> 00:27:35,292 That provokes a child to anger. 575 00:27:35,333 --> 00:27:37,583 Provokes a child to anger. 576 00:27:37,667 --> 00:27:40,333 It's violence. 577 00:27:40,417 --> 00:27:43,167 You could do this verbally. 578 00:27:43,208 --> 00:27:45,458 Some parents goad their children, 579 00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:47,333 sometimes in front of the other children. 580 00:27:47,375 --> 00:27:49,167 "You're so stupid. You always do that. 581 00:27:49,208 --> 00:27:51,833 "You failed again. You're fat. 582 00:27:51,875 --> 00:27:53,750 You're an idiot. You're a loser." 583 00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:56,125 All of a sudden, we start shaping an identity 584 00:27:56,167 --> 00:27:57,958 that is death for the child. 585 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,833 "Oh, you're going to get angry? Oh, you're going to cry? 586 00:28:00,875 --> 00:28:03,500 "Oh, you're going to be a baby again? 587 00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:06,000 "Oh what, you're gonna glare at me now? 588 00:28:06,083 --> 00:28:07,500 What are you going to do?" 589 00:28:07,583 --> 00:28:12,958 Provoke, antagonize, hostility, escalation... 590 00:28:15,375 --> 00:28:19,125 it provokes the child to anger. 591 00:28:19,167 --> 00:28:22,500 Those children either grow up to rage against their parents, 592 00:28:22,583 --> 00:28:26,667 particularly their father, or they just leave. 593 00:28:29,667 --> 00:28:34,417 Emotionally. You can provoke your children to anger 594 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:37,333 if you're not emotionally present. 595 00:28:37,375 --> 00:28:39,750 "Yeah, Dad's always woodworking, working on the car, 596 00:28:39,833 --> 00:28:42,250 "working in the yard, talking on the phone, watching TV, 597 00:28:42,333 --> 00:28:44,250 "can never be interrupted. 598 00:28:44,333 --> 00:28:46,417 "We don't even have a right to insert ourselves 599 00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:47,833 "or engage with him. 600 00:28:47,875 --> 00:28:49,208 "He's just--he's physically present, 601 00:28:49,292 --> 00:28:50,625 "but he's emotionally absent. 602 00:28:50,667 --> 00:28:52,000 "He's aloof. 603 00:28:52,083 --> 00:28:53,500 "Dad never gives us a hug. 604 00:28:53,583 --> 00:28:55,333 "Dad never kisses us on the head. 605 00:28:55,417 --> 00:28:58,417 Dad never tells us that he loves us." 606 00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:00,833 And it provokes the child to anger, particularly, friends, 607 00:29:00,875 --> 00:29:06,625 if your child is one who is highly invested in by 608 00:29:06,667 --> 00:29:09,375 appropriate physical touch. 609 00:29:09,458 --> 00:29:14,792 Like, my youngest daughter, she thinks I'm a bean bag, I think. 610 00:29:16,750 --> 00:29:20,000 For about an hour a day, she just needs to lay on me. 611 00:29:20,083 --> 00:29:22,125 Just, "Hey dad." 612 00:29:22,167 --> 00:29:23,917 "Hi, Sweetheart," like, "glad to have you." 613 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,208 She just likes to sit on my lap or sit next to me. 614 00:29:27,292 --> 00:29:30,917 Just the physical contact is really, really important. 615 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,333 And she'll just--literally, it doesn't matter what I'm doing. 616 00:29:33,375 --> 00:29:36,000 I mean, she'll just come and sit on my lap. 617 00:29:36,083 --> 00:29:37,917 She's like, "I need an hour." 618 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:42,250 "Great, I do too, so that works out fantastic." 619 00:29:42,333 --> 00:29:45,500 Imagine a child that is high-touch--let's say it's 620 00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:52,125 a daughter--and she doesn't get that hour every day. 621 00:29:54,417 --> 00:29:59,500 Imagine what happens when she's 15, 16, 17, 18, 622 00:29:59,583 --> 00:30:01,917 and a boy comes along and says, 623 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:08,833 "Oh, you could sit with me." 624 00:30:08,875 --> 00:30:13,333 It leaves a girl in a very dangerous position. 625 00:30:13,375 --> 00:30:16,208 I get very concerned when I go to someone's house, 626 00:30:16,292 --> 00:30:18,458 and let's say it's a family I don't know, 627 00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:20,750 and they've got a daughter that I don't know, 628 00:30:20,833 --> 00:30:22,417 particularly if it's a young girl, 629 00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:24,833 and she immediately just comes and sits on my lap. 630 00:30:24,917 --> 00:30:26,833 Like, what is wrong? 631 00:30:26,917 --> 00:30:31,000 This is a girl who has probably an emotional deficit 632 00:30:31,083 --> 00:30:33,833 and she's trusting of any man, 633 00:30:33,917 --> 00:30:35,667 and she's physically affectionate 634 00:30:35,708 --> 00:30:37,667 with strange men. 635 00:30:37,708 --> 00:30:41,375 This girl is on a path toward a really difficult future, 636 00:30:41,458 --> 00:30:43,833 and the wrong kind of boys will take advantage 637 00:30:43,917 --> 00:30:46,750 of that kind of girl, right? 638 00:30:46,833 --> 00:30:50,042 And that can provoke to anger, because for the child that is 639 00:30:50,125 --> 00:30:53,167 high-touch and needs that emotional investment 640 00:30:53,250 --> 00:30:57,167 and encouragement, when there's negligence and not investment, 641 00:30:57,250 --> 00:30:59,750 it leads them to anger. 642 00:30:59,833 --> 00:31:02,542 "They don't even love me. They don't even care about me. 643 00:31:02,625 --> 00:31:06,042 They're not even available for me." 644 00:31:06,125 --> 00:31:10,125 Sometimes you can provoke your children to anger by 645 00:31:10,167 --> 00:31:13,833 publicly humiliating them. 646 00:31:13,875 --> 00:31:17,750 In front of their friends, you cut them down. 647 00:31:17,833 --> 00:31:20,458 In front of the other kids, you cut them down. 648 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,125 You don't pull them aside. 649 00:31:22,167 --> 00:31:23,833 "Hey look, we need to go talk. 650 00:31:23,917 --> 00:31:25,833 "Let's go in the other room. Come here. 651 00:31:25,917 --> 00:31:28,833 "I love you, come here, stop freaking out, come on, come on. 652 00:31:28,917 --> 00:31:30,625 I do love--" you've got to smile. 653 00:31:30,667 --> 00:31:32,833 You've got to use the "I love you" voice. 654 00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:34,333 "Come on, come here, come here." 655 00:31:34,417 --> 00:31:36,333 You've got to kiss them on the head. 656 00:31:36,417 --> 00:31:38,833 "Come on, I'm your dad, I love you, come on. 657 00:31:38,917 --> 00:31:41,042 "Let's don't do this in front of everybody else. 658 00:31:41,125 --> 00:31:44,250 Let's go talk in the other room." 659 00:31:44,333 --> 00:31:47,667 You mothers need to know that in Ephesians 5, 660 00:31:47,708 --> 00:31:51,667 when it says for wives to respect their husbands, 661 00:31:51,708 --> 00:31:56,042 you need to know that your sons--they shouldn't dominate. 662 00:31:56,125 --> 00:31:57,833 You shouldn't submit to them. 663 00:31:57,875 --> 00:31:59,667 They're not in charge of the home, 664 00:31:59,708 --> 00:32:04,000 but you want to respect them, otherwise you will provoke them. 665 00:32:06,167 --> 00:32:10,208 So, this is a skill that moms and dads need to learn for 666 00:32:10,292 --> 00:32:13,375 all of their children, but especially with their sons. 667 00:32:13,458 --> 00:32:16,667 And a mother who criticizes, attacks the son 668 00:32:16,750 --> 00:32:18,625 in front of others, 669 00:32:18,667 --> 00:32:22,375 disrespecting him, she's going to provoke him. 670 00:32:22,458 --> 00:32:24,417 It doesn't mean that she shouldn't say anything. 671 00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:26,708 It doesn't mean that it shouldn't be dealt with. 672 00:32:26,792 --> 00:32:28,875 There's just a way to do that privately 673 00:32:28,958 --> 00:32:30,917 and a way to do that respectfully. 674 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,083 And what it is is, it's not saying, "Hey, you're down here!" 675 00:32:34,167 --> 00:32:37,208 It's saying, "You know what? I know you can be up here. 676 00:32:37,292 --> 00:32:39,125 "God wants more for you. 677 00:32:39,167 --> 00:32:42,042 "Jesus has--I see in you these gifts and abilities, and I see 678 00:32:42,125 --> 00:32:44,542 "this godliness and maturity. 679 00:32:44,625 --> 00:32:47,958 "And you know what, Jesus and I are grieved that this is what 680 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,917 "you did or where you're at, but Jesus and I are here, 681 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,750 "and we want to help you grow. 682 00:32:52,833 --> 00:32:55,042 "We want to help you mature. 683 00:32:55,125 --> 00:32:57,667 We want to help you rise up beyond that." 684 00:32:57,708 --> 00:33:00,417 That there's a difference in the tone. 685 00:33:00,500 --> 00:33:04,667 There's a difference in the invitation. 686 00:33:07,167 --> 00:33:09,583 How about this one? 687 00:33:09,667 --> 00:33:12,667 True or false: you can provoke your children to anger, 688 00:33:12,750 --> 00:33:16,208 particularly us dads, if you're no fun? 689 00:33:16,292 --> 00:33:18,708 You're no fun at all. 690 00:33:18,792 --> 00:33:20,917 Some of you dads, you're very religious. 691 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,417 You're like, "OK, I know this, and I know this, 692 00:33:23,500 --> 00:33:26,417 "and I know this, and I did the Greek study on kephale, 693 00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:28,167 "so I'm the head of the household. 694 00:33:28,250 --> 00:33:30,917 "And I did a Greek word on paideia in Ephesians 6:4, 695 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,083 so I know I'm supposed to raise my kids." 696 00:33:33,167 --> 00:33:34,500 You're not fun. 697 00:33:34,542 --> 00:33:35,875 You're not fun. 698 00:33:35,958 --> 00:33:38,083 You don't know what to do with a Fudgsicle. 699 00:33:38,167 --> 00:33:40,542 You don't know what to do with a wiffle ball. 700 00:33:40,625 --> 00:33:42,750 You don't want to do with a swimming pool. 701 00:33:42,833 --> 00:33:45,250 You don't know what to do with a bike, right? 702 00:33:45,333 --> 00:33:47,458 You don't know how to wear a silly hat 703 00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:48,958 and sing a song and dance. 704 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,333 You're no fun. 705 00:33:50,417 --> 00:33:51,750 You're no fun. 706 00:33:51,833 --> 00:33:54,500 True or false: going to heaven to be with our Father 707 00:33:54,583 --> 00:33:55,917 will be enjoyable? 708 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:57,417 Yes, I'm looking forward to it. 709 00:33:57,500 --> 00:33:58,833 I am, totally. 710 00:33:58,875 --> 00:34:00,875 God is a Father, and he's a Father 711 00:34:00,958 --> 00:34:02,292 that his kids enjoy, OK? 712 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:05,167 There's nothing worse that a dour dad, no fun at all. 713 00:34:05,250 --> 00:34:06,833 You met these guys? 714 00:34:06,875 --> 00:34:10,333 They're no fun. 715 00:34:10,375 --> 00:34:15,083 I know one guy, his wife left him because he's a--anyways--and 716 00:34:15,167 --> 00:34:18,167 they've got, you know, they've got joint custody of their 717 00:34:18,250 --> 00:34:23,333 one child, and she does not even want to be with her father 718 00:34:23,375 --> 00:34:26,500 because he's no fun. 719 00:34:26,583 --> 00:34:31,583 On visitation, it's always let's go do what he wants. 720 00:34:31,667 --> 00:34:34,000 That's not what she wants to do. 721 00:34:34,042 --> 00:34:37,500 He's no fun. 722 00:34:37,583 --> 00:34:41,417 Kids should have memories primarily of enjoyable times 723 00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:42,833 with their dad. 724 00:34:42,917 --> 00:34:44,917 Proverbs says it, Hebrews repeats it, 725 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,708 that "the Father disciplines the children that he," what? 726 00:34:47,792 --> 00:34:54,000 "delights in"--has fun with, has fun with, makes memories with. 727 00:34:54,083 --> 00:34:57,708 Most of our time should be enjoying our kids, laughing, 728 00:34:57,792 --> 00:35:00,792 making memories, getting stuff done, having fun. 729 00:35:00,833 --> 00:35:04,500 And here's what I like to do: I like to take photos of it all. 730 00:35:04,542 --> 00:35:06,500 I like--I take photos and videos of everything. 731 00:35:06,542 --> 00:35:09,375 My kids'll tell you it drives them crazy, but I do, 732 00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:12,500 because there's going to be days when they remember--they forget, 733 00:35:12,583 --> 00:35:14,792 rather, a lot of the fun stuff we've done, 734 00:35:14,833 --> 00:35:16,667 and I will show them. 735 00:35:16,750 --> 00:35:18,708 I will be that dad. 736 00:35:18,792 --> 00:35:20,708 "Look at all the fun we had!" 737 00:35:20,792 --> 00:35:23,208 And someday when they get older and they have kids, 738 00:35:23,292 --> 00:35:26,000 I'm going to sit down with the grandkids and be like, 739 00:35:26,083 --> 00:35:29,333 "Hey, when your mom or your dad was your age, here they are. 740 00:35:29,375 --> 00:35:31,625 "You know, here's where we went to Disneyland, 741 00:35:31,667 --> 00:35:33,375 "and here's us playing catch, 742 00:35:33,458 --> 00:35:35,333 "and here we are going for a walk, 743 00:35:35,375 --> 00:35:36,917 "and here's them running track, 744 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,833 "and here's them throwing a baseball, 745 00:35:38,875 --> 00:35:41,500 and this is what we did on our vacation, and--" 746 00:35:41,583 --> 00:35:44,958 Capture the memories. 747 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,417 And what I love is--I love sometimes we'll just-- 748 00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:50,167 I'll be sitting on my computer and the kids'll come up-- 749 00:35:50,208 --> 00:35:51,542 particularly the younger kids, 750 00:35:51,625 --> 00:35:53,542 they'll just pile on me on the couch-- 751 00:35:53,625 --> 00:35:55,042 "Hey, can we see the photos?" 752 00:35:55,125 --> 00:35:56,458 Yes, we can. 753 00:35:56,500 --> 00:35:58,958 I think I have like 7,000 photos on my laptop. 754 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,500 I actually killed a MacBook Pro. 755 00:36:00,583 --> 00:36:04,708 Killed it, preached its funeral, done, OK? 756 00:36:04,792 --> 00:36:06,500 Too many photos, couldn't handle it. 757 00:36:06,583 --> 00:36:08,083 Too much video, couldn't handle it. 758 00:36:08,167 --> 00:36:10,125 You know why? We have that much fun. 759 00:36:10,167 --> 00:36:11,625 You're welcome, OK? 760 00:36:11,667 --> 00:36:13,417 You're welcome. 761 00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:15,000 I liked it--and here's the deal. 762 00:36:15,042 --> 00:36:17,125 Some of you men, you think that your enjoyment 763 00:36:17,167 --> 00:36:20,000 is in your hobbies. 764 00:36:20,042 --> 00:36:24,208 It's not; it's in your family. 765 00:36:24,292 --> 00:36:27,083 Hobbies are not sinful, 766 00:36:27,167 --> 00:36:30,375 but the truth is, what's better than a man having hobbies 767 00:36:30,458 --> 00:36:34,500 is a man who gets to watch his children have joy. 768 00:36:34,583 --> 00:36:36,708 Right, men? 769 00:36:36,792 --> 00:36:39,458 You're like, "I used to be good at hunting, fishing, golfing, 770 00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:42,333 "and now, planning something for my kids 771 00:36:42,417 --> 00:36:45,167 "and watching them have fun and have an enjoyable memory 772 00:36:45,208 --> 00:36:47,667 "and capture a few photos and hear them laugh-- 773 00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:50,417 that is what I enjoy the most." 774 00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:54,417 See, the dads will tell you, it's true, right? 775 00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:56,958 So, being fun. 776 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:02,125 Let's just say that Christians are known for many things. 777 00:37:02,167 --> 00:37:07,167 Being incredibly fun is not one of them, OK? 778 00:37:07,250 --> 00:37:10,125 By the grace of God, may we fix that. 779 00:37:10,167 --> 00:37:12,917 And what this means is, Dad, when your kids are little, 780 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,333 you have to be silly. 781 00:37:15,375 --> 00:37:17,625 You have to be silly. 782 00:37:17,667 --> 00:37:20,125 You're going to wear some outlandish outfits. 783 00:37:20,167 --> 00:37:23,833 You may sit down at a table that is far too small of a man 784 00:37:23,875 --> 00:37:27,000 your size for a tea party that includes a cup 785 00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:29,875 that there's no way is going to quench your thirst. 786 00:37:29,958 --> 00:37:32,000 It's far too small. 787 00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:34,417 At some point, yes, a very masculine man 788 00:37:34,500 --> 00:37:36,333 might be wearing a tiara. 789 00:37:36,375 --> 00:37:38,708 It's going to happen, OK? 790 00:37:38,792 --> 00:37:41,208 Because if you're going to go to the princess party, 791 00:37:41,292 --> 00:37:45,250 that's what the princesses are wearing, OK? 792 00:37:45,333 --> 00:37:47,458 Now, if you just did this on your own, 793 00:37:47,500 --> 00:37:49,833 we would bring you up for church discipline, OK? 794 00:37:49,917 --> 00:37:52,208 Just bringing that out. 795 00:37:52,292 --> 00:37:55,250 Like, if we found out, yeah, all the men's Community Groups 796 00:37:55,333 --> 00:37:58,167 are rocking tiaras and doing princess parties, like, all right, 797 00:37:58,208 --> 00:38:00,500 Mars Hill needs to shut down, all right? 798 00:38:00,583 --> 00:38:02,167 We need to start over. 799 00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:04,917 But if you're doing that with your daughter, true or false, 800 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,333 it's a godly thing? 801 00:38:06,375 --> 00:38:09,000 It's a godly thing. It's a godly thing. 802 00:38:09,083 --> 00:38:11,500 Ladies, true or false, your husband's actually pretty cute 803 00:38:11,583 --> 00:38:14,125 wearing a tiara going to the princess tea party. 804 00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:18,000 Aww, OK? 805 00:38:18,083 --> 00:38:24,167 Don't take a photo of that, though, OK? 806 00:38:24,250 --> 00:38:28,333 That ends--like, if a photo of me at a princess party 807 00:38:28,375 --> 00:38:32,500 in a tiara ended up online, I would have to call CNN back. 808 00:38:32,542 --> 00:38:35,583 I mean, it's just so--something to pray about. 809 00:38:35,667 --> 00:38:39,500 But it's good for dads to have fun with their kids, right? 810 00:38:39,583 --> 00:38:42,042 Now, let's say a dad, he's making memories, 811 00:38:42,125 --> 00:38:44,833 he's having fun, he loves his kids, he enjoys them, 812 00:38:44,875 --> 00:38:46,708 they know it. 813 00:38:46,792 --> 00:38:48,500 When it comes time to correct them, 814 00:38:48,583 --> 00:38:50,542 when it comes time to discipline them, 815 00:38:50,625 --> 00:38:53,708 it's in the context of a loving dad who's available and present, 816 00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:56,417 totally enjoys you, and is making memories with you 817 00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:58,667 and has fun with you. 818 00:38:58,708 --> 00:39:01,083 God our Father is like that. 819 00:39:01,167 --> 00:39:04,208 Here's another way we can, in every way, 820 00:39:04,292 --> 00:39:09,125 cause our children to be provoked to anger: 821 00:39:09,167 --> 00:39:11,792 not generous. 822 00:39:11,833 --> 00:39:15,417 You ever met a dad, he's just a--he's a cheapskate. 823 00:39:15,500 --> 00:39:17,417 He's just cheap. 824 00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:19,708 It doesn't mean that he doesn't have the money; 825 00:39:19,792 --> 00:39:22,125 he just doesn't like to spend it. 826 00:39:22,167 --> 00:39:23,917 I saw this not long ago. 827 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,167 We were out with a family and a kid asked, 828 00:39:26,250 --> 00:39:28,375 "Dad, can I have some ice cream?" 829 00:39:28,458 --> 00:39:31,375 Dad says, "No, I don't think we need to spend the money." 830 00:39:31,458 --> 00:39:33,583 No, we don't need to spend the money; 831 00:39:33,667 --> 00:39:35,125 we have to spend the money. 832 00:39:35,167 --> 00:39:37,667 This is a very important matter. 833 00:39:37,750 --> 00:39:40,667 They're already taking a portion of my money for taxes. 834 00:39:40,708 --> 00:39:43,708 I may as well set some aside for ice cream. 835 00:39:43,792 --> 00:39:47,250 And the dad was not willing to buy the children ice cream, 836 00:39:47,333 --> 00:39:49,333 not because they're lactose intolerant 837 00:39:49,375 --> 00:39:50,833 and they would explode, 838 00:39:50,917 --> 00:39:54,250 not because it was right before dinnertime 839 00:39:54,333 --> 00:39:56,958 and would ruin their appetite, but just because, you know, 840 00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,208 a couple bucks--dad was like, "No, I don't know. 841 00:39:59,292 --> 00:40:01,167 I don't know. I don't know." 842 00:40:01,208 --> 00:40:05,167 I do, I do: buy him ice cream. 843 00:40:05,208 --> 00:40:07,625 I learned this from my Grandpa George. 844 00:40:07,667 --> 00:40:09,542 My Grandpa George--I love my Grandpa George. 845 00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:11,333 We were very, very close. 846 00:40:11,375 --> 00:40:13,333 He died when I was 10. 847 00:40:13,417 --> 00:40:16,042 And he lived in a cul-de-sac, and his rule was when 848 00:40:16,125 --> 00:40:18,708 the ice cream man comes, you run out and stop him. 849 00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:21,042 And he couldn't because he couldn't run very fast, 850 00:40:21,125 --> 00:40:23,833 so I would. He ate a lot of ice cream. 851 00:40:23,875 --> 00:40:26,542 So I ran out--I would run out, and I would stop 852 00:40:26,625 --> 00:40:28,042 the ice cream man, 853 00:40:28,125 --> 00:40:30,625 and then my grandpa's rule was you can get anything 854 00:40:30,667 --> 00:40:33,625 you want from the ice cream man, and all the other kids 855 00:40:33,667 --> 00:40:35,625 in the neighborhood can get anything they want, 856 00:40:35,667 --> 00:40:38,000 and then I'll come out and pay for it. 857 00:40:38,083 --> 00:40:40,458 I loved my Grandpa George. 858 00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:43,583 How could you not? 859 00:40:43,667 --> 00:40:47,042 Right, like, and then all of a sudden, you're like--you hear 860 00:40:47,125 --> 00:40:50,583 that little song, and as a kid you're like, "Whoo! 861 00:40:50,667 --> 00:40:52,750 Here we go again!" 862 00:40:52,833 --> 00:40:55,542 Right, you're like--and then all the kids would converge around 863 00:40:55,625 --> 00:40:57,167 the ice cream man. 864 00:40:57,250 --> 00:40:59,750 "And oh, I'll get this, and I'll get a Fudgsicle, 865 00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:02,000 and I'll get a popsicle, and I'll get this, 866 00:41:02,083 --> 00:41:04,500 and I'll get that," and all the kids are excited, 867 00:41:04,583 --> 00:41:06,500 and I'd look at my Grandpa George's face, 868 00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:07,917 and you know what? 869 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,250 He was happy because he liked to be generous, especially to kids. 870 00:41:11,333 --> 00:41:12,917 That's the heart of a father. 871 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,208 That's the heart of God the Father. 872 00:41:15,292 --> 00:41:16,958 That's the heart of God the Father. 873 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,750 Here's the thing I tell--some of you are like--OK, you guys, 874 00:41:19,833 --> 00:41:21,417 I can already hear it. 875 00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:24,667 Some of you guys, you're like, "I don't want to spoil my kids." 876 00:41:24,708 --> 00:41:26,542 Here's my deal. 877 00:41:26,625 --> 00:41:28,333 I tell my kids--our kids are here. 878 00:41:28,417 --> 00:41:30,042 What's the line? 879 00:41:30,125 --> 00:41:35,167 I will spoil you, but you're not allowed to act spoiled. 880 00:41:35,208 --> 00:41:37,667 They know the line. 881 00:41:37,708 --> 00:41:39,750 If they start acting spoiled, OK, 882 00:41:39,833 --> 00:41:41,958 then we're going to talk about it. 883 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,833 I don't mind spoiling them as long as they don't act spoiled. 884 00:41:44,917 --> 00:41:46,708 There's a difference, right? 885 00:41:46,792 --> 00:41:49,625 You ever met a kid whose parents are really generous toward them, 886 00:41:49,667 --> 00:41:51,750 and they're very, very grateful, and they're still humble 887 00:41:51,833 --> 00:41:54,250 and thankful, and then the kids learn to be generous? 888 00:41:54,333 --> 00:41:56,500 That's a good thing. 889 00:41:56,583 --> 00:41:59,333 Generous. 890 00:41:59,375 --> 00:42:02,708 My Grandpa George also had--I just--as I think about 891 00:42:02,792 --> 00:42:07,583 my Grandpa George, there was a lot of sugar involved. 892 00:42:09,792 --> 00:42:12,625 He drove an Oldsmobile, because according to the Bible, 893 00:42:12,667 --> 00:42:14,625 grandpas drive Oldsmobiles. 894 00:42:14,667 --> 00:42:17,500 It's another part of the New Testament. 895 00:42:17,583 --> 00:42:21,375 But my Grandpa George drove his Oldsmobile, and in his glovebox, 896 00:42:21,458 --> 00:42:28,208 he always carried a big bag of Tootsie Roll lollipops. 897 00:42:28,292 --> 00:42:34,000 Every time you got to ride in his car, you got a lollipop. 898 00:42:34,083 --> 00:42:39,167 True or false: I liked him? 899 00:42:39,208 --> 00:42:42,333 Some of you'd be like, "I would like anyone who gave me 900 00:42:42,417 --> 00:42:45,167 a lollipop and an ice cream cone." 901 00:42:45,208 --> 00:42:47,625 My grandpa was considerate. 902 00:42:47,667 --> 00:42:50,333 He understood fun. 903 00:42:50,375 --> 00:42:55,250 He set up his home and his budget to accommodate children, 904 00:42:55,333 --> 00:42:58,417 and as a result, I knew that he loved me, 905 00:42:58,500 --> 00:43:01,000 and when my mom and dad would say things like, 906 00:43:01,083 --> 00:43:03,208 "Do you want to go to your grandpa's house?" 907 00:43:03,292 --> 00:43:07,167 "Forever. Yes. Yes, I do." 908 00:43:07,250 --> 00:43:11,333 That generosity--and if you're not generous, 909 00:43:11,375 --> 00:43:13,500 you can provoke your children to anger. 910 00:43:13,583 --> 00:43:16,167 Like, "Man, my dad says he loves me, 911 00:43:16,250 --> 00:43:19,083 but he doesn't show he loves me." 912 00:43:19,167 --> 00:43:24,208 Another one, you can provoke your children to anger-- 913 00:43:24,292 --> 00:43:26,875 we can provoke our children to anger when we don't repent 914 00:43:26,958 --> 00:43:29,000 of our own sin. 915 00:43:29,083 --> 00:43:32,000 Have you ever had a dad who's like, "Hey, that's a sin"? 916 00:43:32,083 --> 00:43:34,000 You're like, "Hey, what about you?" 917 00:43:34,083 --> 00:43:35,625 "I'm the father." 918 00:43:35,667 --> 00:43:39,250 Hmm, no, you're the hypocrite, right? 919 00:43:39,333 --> 00:43:45,167 Like--so as parents, we're going to sin against our kids, right? 920 00:43:45,208 --> 00:43:48,500 You're going to bust them for something that they didn't do, 921 00:43:48,583 --> 00:43:51,042 and you didn't listen, and you got it wrong. 922 00:43:51,125 --> 00:43:52,958 You're going to get frustrated with them 923 00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:54,458 and say something you shouldn't. 924 00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:56,958 You're going to err in the way your correct them. 925 00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,167 You're going to blow it. What do you do? 926 00:43:59,208 --> 00:44:01,125 What do you do? 927 00:44:01,167 --> 00:44:03,000 You repent. 928 00:44:03,083 --> 00:44:05,708 You go to your kids and say, "Look, Dad's a sinner. 929 00:44:05,792 --> 00:44:08,833 "I was wrong. I'm sorry. 930 00:44:08,875 --> 00:44:13,500 "I ask for your forgiveness. Jesus died for it. 931 00:44:13,583 --> 00:44:17,083 "That's what a big deal it is, so I don't want to pretend that 932 00:44:17,167 --> 00:44:18,833 "it wasn't a big deal. 933 00:44:18,875 --> 00:44:21,833 "Could you please forgive me, and could we pray together, 934 00:44:21,875 --> 00:44:24,833 "because I'm really sorry about what I've done, and I'm sorry 935 00:44:24,875 --> 00:44:27,208 for the way that's affected you." 936 00:44:27,292 --> 00:44:29,875 How many of you have never heard that from your dad? 937 00:44:29,958 --> 00:44:34,833 Your dad never said, "I was wrong." 938 00:44:34,875 --> 00:44:37,708 That's what it means to be the head of household 939 00:44:37,792 --> 00:44:40,917 and the family leader--is you set the temperature of the home. 940 00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,167 You set the precedent for the home. 941 00:44:44,208 --> 00:44:46,708 How many of you right now, even thinking about that, 942 00:44:46,792 --> 00:44:48,833 you're like, "Man, even though I'm an adult, 943 00:44:48,875 --> 00:44:51,958 "if my dad just came to me and said, 'You know, I'm wrong, 944 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,333 I'm sorry, I ask you to forgive me,'" 945 00:44:54,375 --> 00:44:56,542 you'd be like--that would feel like 946 00:44:56,625 --> 00:45:01,000 the weight of the world just came off your shoulders, 947 00:45:01,083 --> 00:45:06,292 and you were able to reconnect with your dad. 948 00:45:06,333 --> 00:45:10,875 Fathers, we don't need to be right. 949 00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:14,500 We need to prove to our children that God is always right, 950 00:45:14,583 --> 00:45:18,708 and sometimes that means we say that we're wrong. 951 00:45:18,792 --> 00:45:22,333 So he says, "Don't provoke your children to anger, 952 00:45:22,375 --> 00:45:24,333 but do train them." 953 00:45:24,375 --> 00:45:26,083 Do train them. 954 00:45:26,167 --> 00:45:28,083 We at Mars Hill call this Pastor Dad. 955 00:45:28,167 --> 00:45:30,500 I've got a whole book. You guys can find it. 956 00:45:30,583 --> 00:45:33,583 We have printed copies. MarsHill.com/PastorDad. 957 00:45:33,667 --> 00:45:36,917 It's free; you can download it as an e-book. 958 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,667 But it's Pastor Dad. 959 00:45:40,708 --> 00:45:43,917 This first hit me early on at Mars Hill as we were teaching 960 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,042 this, and we've been teaching this for 17 years. 961 00:45:46,125 --> 00:45:50,542 This is a big, distinguishing conviction of Mars Hill Church. 962 00:45:50,625 --> 00:45:53,417 There was this cute little girl, and it was after church, 963 00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:56,333 and I was giving her candy, because my grandpa was George, 964 00:45:56,417 --> 00:45:59,250 and I looked at her and I said, "Sweetheart." 965 00:45:59,333 --> 00:46:02,333 She was a cute little girl in a dress, and I said, 966 00:46:02,375 --> 00:46:04,500 "I'm really glad I get to be your pastor." 967 00:46:04,583 --> 00:46:07,500 She crinkled up her nose and she said, "You're not my pastor." 968 00:46:07,583 --> 00:46:13,167 I was like, "Oh, OK." Awkward. 969 00:46:14,458 --> 00:46:17,667 "Give me the sucker back." 970 00:46:17,750 --> 00:46:20,417 I didn't say that. 971 00:46:20,500 --> 00:46:23,583 "I only give suckers to people I'm the pastor of." 972 00:46:23,667 --> 00:46:25,917 No, I didn't do that, but she said, 973 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,500 "My dad said he was my pastor." 974 00:46:28,542 --> 00:46:33,792 Oh, yay. Yay, that's right. 975 00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:36,125 Dad evangelizes you, Dad disciples you, 976 00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,208 Dad encourages you, Dad loves you. 977 00:46:38,292 --> 00:46:40,500 If you've got a question, Dad'll answer it, 978 00:46:40,583 --> 00:46:43,500 and if you need a prayer, Dad'll utter it. 979 00:46:43,583 --> 00:46:46,000 How do we bring our children up in the Lord. 980 00:46:46,083 --> 00:46:48,667 And men, what this means is yes, your wife is involved, 981 00:46:48,708 --> 00:46:51,125 yes, the school is involved, yes, the church is involved, 982 00:46:51,167 --> 00:46:54,250 but all of that is under your primary responsibility. 983 00:46:54,333 --> 00:46:56,833 You can't just abdicate or delegate your responsibility 984 00:46:56,917 --> 00:46:58,958 to raise your children. 985 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,583 And the truth is that much of this, men, 986 00:47:01,667 --> 00:47:05,417 comes down to modeling. Modeling, right? 987 00:47:05,500 --> 00:47:08,000 If your kids see you read the Bible, 988 00:47:08,042 --> 00:47:09,917 what are they going to do? 989 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,833 Probably want to read the Bible. 990 00:47:12,875 --> 00:47:17,000 If your kids hear you pray, what are they probably going to do? 991 00:47:17,042 --> 00:47:19,083 Start to pray. 992 00:47:19,167 --> 00:47:24,625 If your kids see that it's not just Mom dragging Dad to church 993 00:47:24,667 --> 00:47:28,583 against his will, but dad picks the church for the family, 994 00:47:28,667 --> 00:47:31,875 gets the kids up, loves mom, gets them in the car, 995 00:47:31,958 --> 00:47:33,917 and takes them to church, and says, 996 00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:35,500 "Guys, we're going to worship God. 997 00:47:35,583 --> 00:47:37,125 "We're part of God's family. 998 00:47:37,167 --> 00:47:38,917 "Our part--our family's part of God's family. 999 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,417 "We're here to learn. We're here to love. 1000 00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:44,708 We're here to serve. We're here to give," 1001 00:47:44,792 --> 00:47:47,167 what do you think your kids are going to do? 1002 00:47:47,208 --> 00:47:49,708 They're going to follow your example. 1003 00:47:49,792 --> 00:47:52,833 See, there's a cliff for a lot of men in their teens 1004 00:47:52,917 --> 00:47:54,667 or right after high school. 1005 00:47:54,708 --> 00:47:57,833 You know why a lot of young men don't persevere in their faith? 1006 00:47:57,875 --> 00:48:01,208 Because their father is setting a bad example, and the boys 1007 00:48:01,292 --> 00:48:03,792 grow up thinking, "Well, real men don't raise their hands 1008 00:48:03,833 --> 00:48:05,417 "and sing to Jesus. 1009 00:48:05,500 --> 00:48:07,333 "Real men don't read their Bible. 1010 00:48:07,375 --> 00:48:09,000 "Real men don't go to Community Group. 1011 00:48:09,083 --> 00:48:11,125 "Real men don't go to church. 1012 00:48:11,167 --> 00:48:14,167 I want to be a real man like my dad." 1013 00:48:14,250 --> 00:48:16,125 And then the daughters grow up thinking, 1014 00:48:16,167 --> 00:48:19,208 "Well, I guess it's OK to marry a guy who doesn't read 1015 00:48:19,292 --> 00:48:21,208 "his Bible, doesn't pray, doesn't go to church, 1016 00:48:21,292 --> 00:48:23,000 "and isn't in community or under authority, 1017 00:48:23,083 --> 00:48:24,583 because that's what my dad's like." 1018 00:48:24,667 --> 00:48:27,333 The truth is your sons are going to be like you 1019 00:48:27,375 --> 00:48:29,792 and your daughters are going to marry someone like you. 1020 00:48:29,833 --> 00:48:33,792 Most of the time, that's the case. 1021 00:48:33,833 --> 00:48:40,125 How's it going men, the modeling--the modeling? 1022 00:48:40,167 --> 00:48:42,917 What this means as well, when the kids are little, 1023 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,042 you read the Scriptures to them. 1024 00:48:45,125 --> 00:48:47,917 Find an age-appropriate Bible like the Jesus Storybook Bible. 1025 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,542 Read the Bible to your kids, but please make it--what? 1026 00:48:50,625 --> 00:48:52,208 Fun. 1027 00:48:52,292 --> 00:48:54,958 Use a silly voice, get dressed up in the outfits. 1028 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,750 My kids used to like this when they were little, all right? 1029 00:48:57,833 --> 00:49:00,833 So next thing you know, like, one of my little kids is 1030 00:49:00,875 --> 00:49:03,375 dressed up like Zacchaeus, and he's standing on the table. 1031 00:49:03,458 --> 00:49:05,375 You know, I mean, we did this, all right? 1032 00:49:05,458 --> 00:49:06,792 Make it kind of fun. 1033 00:49:06,833 --> 00:49:09,792 My kids always liked it when I would make up different voices 1034 00:49:09,833 --> 00:49:12,292 for every one of the characters, the most ridiculous voice 1035 00:49:12,333 --> 00:49:13,667 I could possibly conceive of, 1036 00:49:13,750 --> 00:49:15,167 and then they would laugh hysterically. 1037 00:49:15,250 --> 00:49:17,667 Try to make Bible time a little bit of fun. 1038 00:49:17,750 --> 00:49:20,417 Bible time should not be like reading the phone book, OK? 1039 00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:21,833 "Everything in here is true." 1040 00:49:21,875 --> 00:49:23,875 It's also kind of enjoyable and very helpful, 1041 00:49:23,958 --> 00:49:26,708 so let's just pick up the pace a little bit, Dad. 1042 00:49:26,792 --> 00:49:29,208 As the kids get older, it's encouraging them to read 1043 00:49:29,292 --> 00:49:31,125 an age-appropriate Bible, which you buy them, 1044 00:49:31,167 --> 00:49:32,500 an age-appropriate Bible. 1045 00:49:32,583 --> 00:49:34,708 And then they get to read it to you, 1046 00:49:34,792 --> 00:49:36,917 or they get to read it to one another, 1047 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:39,417 or then the older kids start reading the Bible with 1048 00:49:39,500 --> 00:49:41,625 the younger kids because it's practicing for their parenting, 1049 00:49:41,667 --> 00:49:45,958 one day when they have your grandkids. 1050 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:49,917 It's so powerful for a dad to pray over his kids. 1051 00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:54,958 Yes, yes? 1052 00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,542 How many of you, your dad has never prayed with you? 1053 00:49:58,625 --> 00:50:01,958 How many of you, if he did, that would change your whole life 1054 00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,417 even though you're an adult? 1055 00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:06,917 May all of our kids say, "Oh well, yeah, 1056 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:08,917 "my dad prayed with me all the time, 1057 00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:10,417 "and he prayed over me 1058 00:50:10,500 --> 00:50:14,333 and read the Bible with me and had fun with me." 1059 00:50:14,417 --> 00:50:17,958 And part of this is integration, OK? 1060 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:21,000 Sometimes well-meaning parents will get very legalistic. 1061 00:50:21,083 --> 00:50:24,333 And I'm not against curriculum or against certain catechizing. 1062 00:50:24,417 --> 00:50:27,333 That can all be very helpful, but there has to be integration. 1063 00:50:27,417 --> 00:50:29,250 Deuteronomy 6, Deuteronomy 11 says, "You know, 1064 00:50:29,333 --> 00:50:31,000 "when you're sitting down with your kids, 1065 00:50:31,083 --> 00:50:32,625 "when you're walking down the road, 1066 00:50:32,667 --> 00:50:34,333 "when you're having dinner, 1067 00:50:34,417 --> 00:50:36,125 integrate, teach, integrate, teach." 1068 00:50:36,167 --> 00:50:38,958 So, here's what that means practically: it means that you 1069 00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:43,167 don't just drop your kids off at the mall or the store. 1070 00:50:43,250 --> 00:50:45,500 You walk with them and you're teaching. 1071 00:50:45,542 --> 00:50:48,292 All right, you got a teenage daughter--"OK, whoa, whoa, 1072 00:50:48,333 --> 00:50:52,250 "let's talk about that outfit in the window of the store, OK? 1073 00:50:52,333 --> 00:50:54,250 "Notice the neckline meets the hemline. 1074 00:50:54,333 --> 00:50:56,875 "Let us discuss that. 1075 00:50:56,958 --> 00:50:59,292 "Why do you think that they would want you 1076 00:50:59,333 --> 00:51:01,333 "to dress like that? 1077 00:51:01,417 --> 00:51:04,125 "What are they trying to tell you about your body? 1078 00:51:04,167 --> 00:51:06,917 "And how are they wanting you to present yourself to boys? 1079 00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,958 "And how will response come from boys? 1080 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,542 "And then how will the response come from your father 1081 00:51:12,625 --> 00:51:15,167 "to the boys who are responding to that outfit? 1082 00:51:15,208 --> 00:51:18,667 "Let's have a huge discussion about what could possibly ensue 1083 00:51:18,708 --> 00:51:22,500 "in this scenario if that were to be worn by you, 1084 00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:25,333 whom I love with all my heart." 1085 00:51:25,417 --> 00:51:27,250 A lot of you are like, "What? 1086 00:51:27,333 --> 00:51:29,833 You have the right to talk about your daughter's wardrobe?" 1087 00:51:29,917 --> 00:51:32,042 Yeah, if you love her. 1088 00:51:32,125 --> 00:51:35,333 What this means for us at our house is as we watch TV, 1089 00:51:35,417 --> 00:51:37,333 I will hit pause, and we will talk, 1090 00:51:37,375 --> 00:51:39,625 because here's the truth: class is always in session, 1091 00:51:39,667 --> 00:51:41,833 and Dad is the teacher. 1092 00:51:41,917 --> 00:51:44,750 Class is always in session, and Dad is the teacher. 1093 00:51:44,833 --> 00:51:46,667 You see this in Proverbs. 1094 00:51:46,708 --> 00:51:49,333 The Father is integrating instruction. 1095 00:51:49,417 --> 00:51:50,958 So, they're walking through the field. 1096 00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:52,667 "Hey, Son, you see that guy's house?" 1097 00:51:52,708 --> 00:51:55,458 "Yeah, Dad, it's fallen down, and there's weeds in his garden, 1098 00:51:55,500 --> 00:51:57,167 and all of his cattle are skinny." 1099 00:51:57,208 --> 00:51:58,917 "Do you know why? He's a sluggard. 1100 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,792 "Do you know what a sluggard is? 1101 00:52:00,833 --> 00:52:03,000 "It's a lazy man who doesn't do his job. 1102 00:52:03,042 --> 00:52:06,375 "Do you want a family like that? Do you want a house like that? 1103 00:52:06,458 --> 00:52:07,792 Do you want to be--" 1104 00:52:07,833 --> 00:52:09,167 "No." 1105 00:52:09,250 --> 00:52:11,167 "Well, then here's what you've got to do." 1106 00:52:11,250 --> 00:52:12,583 And this is the integration. 1107 00:52:12,667 --> 00:52:15,000 So like, when we're watching TV--and here's the worst thing 1108 00:52:15,083 --> 00:52:17,208 you can do: just give your kids a phone, 1109 00:52:17,292 --> 00:52:20,625 or give them a computer, or give them Internet access or cable TV, 1110 00:52:20,667 --> 00:52:22,708 and don't monitor it. 1111 00:52:22,792 --> 00:52:26,917 Oh, and give them a gun-- just dangerous things. 1112 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:31,000 Let them have their own computer in their bedroom. 1113 00:52:31,083 --> 00:52:34,208 Let them have their own cable TV in their bedroom, 1114 00:52:34,292 --> 00:52:36,875 and a fully stocked liquor cabinet and fireworks, 1115 00:52:36,958 --> 00:52:41,542 you know, just--all right? 1116 00:52:41,625 --> 00:52:43,958 No, you need to have Net Nanny software, 1117 00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:47,000 the computer needs to be in a place where it is visible, 1118 00:52:47,083 --> 00:52:49,333 like the kitchen, where people tend to congregate, 1119 00:52:49,417 --> 00:52:52,208 one TV with password protection, so they can't get to certain 1120 00:52:52,292 --> 00:52:54,625 kinds of shows, and you need to monitor, 1121 00:52:54,667 --> 00:52:56,208 and then you need to instruct. 1122 00:52:56,292 --> 00:52:59,208 And some parents will say, "That's why I don't let me kids 1123 00:52:59,292 --> 00:53:00,667 have technology." 1124 00:53:00,750 --> 00:53:02,417 Our goal is not naivety but holiness. 1125 00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:04,875 Naive people get into all kinds of trouble 1126 00:53:04,958 --> 00:53:07,500 because they're gullible. 1127 00:53:07,542 --> 00:53:10,792 So I like to watch TV with my kids, and we'll hit pause-- 1128 00:53:10,833 --> 00:53:14,000 my kids'll confirm this--and then we have discussions. 1129 00:53:14,083 --> 00:53:17,417 So, a while back, Zac and Calvin and I were watching TV, 1130 00:53:17,500 --> 00:53:20,500 and on came a commercial for a really hot, cool, new car-- 1131 00:53:20,583 --> 00:53:24,500 and boys like cars-- and it was for lease. 1132 00:53:24,583 --> 00:53:26,583 My boys did not--I said, "Pause, wait, 1133 00:53:26,667 --> 00:53:29,167 do you boys know what a lease is?" 1134 00:53:29,250 --> 00:53:32,333 "No Dad, no Dad, we do not know what a lease is." 1135 00:53:32,375 --> 00:53:34,917 "OK, we're gonna--OK, get your phone and pull up 1136 00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,125 "the calculator app. 1137 00:53:37,167 --> 00:53:38,833 "OK, what does it say? 1138 00:53:38,875 --> 00:53:41,833 "$326 a month I think is what it was for 3 years. 1139 00:53:41,875 --> 00:53:43,833 "OK, add that up. Plus how much down? 1140 00:53:43,875 --> 00:53:45,542 Plus $3,000 down. OK, what's the total?" 1141 00:53:45,625 --> 00:53:46,958 They totaled it up. 1142 00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:48,333 "What's the total?" 1143 00:53:48,417 --> 00:53:50,333 I said, "OK, after you pay that money, 1144 00:53:50,417 --> 00:53:51,750 what do you think happens?" 1145 00:53:51,833 --> 00:53:53,750 They said, "Well, you own the car, right?" 1146 00:53:53,833 --> 00:53:56,458 I said, "No, you give it back. You give it back." 1147 00:53:56,500 --> 00:53:59,750 My sons say, "That's a rip off!" 1148 00:53:59,833 --> 00:54:05,500 Also known as a lease, OK, also known as a lease. 1149 00:54:05,583 --> 00:54:07,625 "Well, we're never going to lease a car." 1150 00:54:07,667 --> 00:54:10,333 Perfect, right? 1151 00:54:10,375 --> 00:54:13,333 We've just reduced the odds of my grandkids living at my house, 1152 00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:16,375 you know? We just-- 1153 00:54:20,375 --> 00:54:25,500 you're starting to understand that it's a con game, 1154 00:54:25,583 --> 00:54:28,000 and it's always won by the person who knows what 1155 00:54:28,083 --> 00:54:30,375 the word "lease" means, OK? 1156 00:54:30,458 --> 00:54:33,167 It's integration; it's instruction. 1157 00:54:33,250 --> 00:54:36,833 And have you ever seen--have you ever seen 1158 00:54:36,875 --> 00:54:40,708 any modern television show-- Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, 1159 00:54:40,792 --> 00:54:45,708 any kids' movie--that in any way encapsulated these values? 1160 00:54:45,792 --> 00:54:48,167 In fact, it's antithetical. 1161 00:54:48,208 --> 00:54:50,208 The sermons they preach are antithetical. 1162 00:54:50,292 --> 00:54:53,917 Parents are stupid. 1163 00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,958 The family's in danger. 1164 00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,208 The child saves the day 1165 00:55:00,292 --> 00:55:05,125 with the help of the family pet-- 1166 00:55:05,167 --> 00:55:11,292 gerbil, hamster, cat, mouse, dog, horse, whatever. 1167 00:55:13,083 --> 00:55:19,625 The dumbest person is always the Dad. 1168 00:55:19,667 --> 00:55:25,667 Gerbil--genius, genius, OK? 1169 00:55:27,667 --> 00:55:31,000 Pause, all right kids, what's the sermon? 1170 00:55:31,042 --> 00:55:33,417 "Parents are stupid, pets are helpful, 1171 00:55:33,500 --> 00:55:39,667 children are brilliant." But that's false teaching. 1172 00:55:39,708 --> 00:55:42,500 Some of you say, "Oh, no, no, that's not false teaching." 1173 00:55:42,583 --> 00:55:44,417 A gerbil's singing. 1174 00:55:44,500 --> 00:55:47,167 It can't be false teaching if a gerbil is singing. 1175 00:55:47,208 --> 00:55:51,917 Sometimes Satan lets gerbils sing to preach false doctrine. 1176 00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,208 That's what I'm saying. 1177 00:55:54,292 --> 00:55:57,333 That's what I'm saying. 1178 00:55:57,417 --> 00:55:59,667 "That was harsh." 1179 00:55:59,708 --> 00:56:03,333 Yep, OK, but it's true, right? 1180 00:56:03,375 --> 00:56:06,667 How many of you, if you just let your kids watch the shows, 1181 00:56:06,750 --> 00:56:08,667 they are getting some really confusing messages. 1182 00:56:08,750 --> 00:56:10,875 And so some of you conservative parents are like, 1183 00:56:10,958 --> 00:56:12,375 "That's why we unplug the TV." 1184 00:56:12,458 --> 00:56:14,292 Now, sit down and talk about it. 1185 00:56:14,333 --> 00:56:18,625 Hit pause, put class in session, let dad be the professor, right? 1186 00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:21,208 Then your kids will start to be discerning in their 1187 00:56:21,292 --> 00:56:26,167 entertainment consumption and in their worldview ideology. 1188 00:56:28,167 --> 00:56:29,667 Why? 1189 00:56:30,292 --> 00:56:33,292 Why? 1190 00:56:33,333 --> 00:56:37,292 Because here's what it says: 1191 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:42,250 "That it may go well and you may have a long life." 1192 00:56:42,333 --> 00:56:44,958 Isn't that what you want for your kids? 1193 00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:50,458 I want my kids to have a good life, by the judgment of God, 1194 00:56:50,500 --> 00:56:52,958 and a long life. 1195 00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:57,167 If Grace and I will agree in the Lord 1196 00:56:57,208 --> 00:56:59,167 and instruct our children, 1197 00:56:59,208 --> 00:57:01,833 and I will take primary responsibility for our family, 1198 00:57:01,875 --> 00:57:05,375 the odds are greatly improved that my children will live 1199 00:57:05,458 --> 00:57:07,833 a long life and a better life. 1200 00:57:07,875 --> 00:57:10,667 True or false? 1201 00:57:10,750 --> 00:57:14,208 I don't want my daughters to end up with some abusive, 1202 00:57:14,292 --> 00:57:18,792 irresponsible man. 1203 00:57:18,833 --> 00:57:24,208 I don't want my sons to grow up and prey on vulnerable women. 1204 00:57:24,292 --> 00:57:27,500 I don't want my grandkids to be in the middle of 1205 00:57:27,542 --> 00:57:31,792 a custody dispute one day. 1206 00:57:33,875 --> 00:57:39,042 I don't want to preach the funeral of one of my children. 1207 00:57:39,125 --> 00:57:43,042 I want them to live a long life. 1208 00:57:43,125 --> 00:57:47,250 I want, with all my heart, my children to love the Lord 1209 00:57:47,333 --> 00:57:50,958 and to live a fruitful life and to live a long life, 1210 00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:55,833 and I want to be a really old man who's sitting next to Grace, 1211 00:57:55,917 --> 00:57:59,542 holding her hand while our kids come over for dinner 1212 00:57:59,625 --> 00:58:04,833 and our grandkids are asking for ice cream. 1213 00:58:04,875 --> 00:58:09,875 And that's my responsibility. 1214 00:58:11,542 --> 00:58:16,167 Men, you need a vision and then a plan. 1215 00:58:19,292 --> 00:58:23,000 How many of you are the first link in a chain 1216 00:58:23,083 --> 00:58:26,417 and so much has to change with you, 1217 00:58:26,500 --> 00:58:30,500 because the legacy has been one of death? 1218 00:58:30,542 --> 00:58:33,708 How many of you are in the middle of a few generations 1219 00:58:33,792 --> 00:58:36,375 of faithfulness and love for Jesus, and you say, 1220 00:58:36,458 --> 00:58:38,625 "You know what? My dad was a good guy. 1221 00:58:38,667 --> 00:58:40,250 "He loved me. He loved Jesus. 1222 00:58:40,333 --> 00:58:42,958 "He didn't get it perfect, but he really tried and cared, 1223 00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:44,333 and he's still there." 1224 00:58:44,417 --> 00:58:46,167 Great, then by the grace of God, 1225 00:58:46,208 --> 00:58:48,042 continue the legacy. 1226 00:58:48,125 --> 00:58:50,458 And this is pattern of Scripture in the genealogies: "So-and-so 1227 00:58:50,500 --> 00:58:53,125 was the father of so-and-so, was the father of so-and-so," 1228 00:58:53,167 --> 00:58:57,833 and that faith is to live from one generation to another, 1229 00:58:57,875 --> 00:59:00,833 and we worship the God of our fathers. 1230 00:59:00,875 --> 00:59:03,333 That's biblical thinking. 1231 00:59:03,375 --> 00:59:06,292 What does this mean for those of you who are single? 1232 00:59:06,333 --> 00:59:09,500 You single women, don't even consider a man who's not willing 1233 00:59:09,583 --> 00:59:13,417 to take the responsibility for the well-being of the family 1234 00:59:13,500 --> 00:59:19,208 and is unwilling to be a good father who raises his children. 1235 00:59:19,292 --> 00:59:21,875 It's better to be single than married to a man 1236 00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:26,000 who is a failure. 1237 00:59:26,083 --> 00:59:29,500 For those of you men who are considering marrying one day 1238 00:59:29,583 --> 00:59:33,000 and you are single, you're not just looking for a good time 1239 00:59:33,083 --> 00:59:34,917 but a good legacy. 1240 00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:37,000 You're not just looking for a wife 1241 00:59:37,042 --> 00:59:39,750 but a mother to your children, amen? 1242 00:59:39,833 --> 00:59:42,833 How many of you guys are married now, and you have kids, 1243 00:59:42,875 --> 00:59:47,042 and you realize who your wife is, in many ways, 1244 00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:51,500 determines who your children become? 1245 00:59:54,917 --> 00:59:57,708 This week at Mars Hill Church we will have upwards of 1246 00:59:57,792 --> 01:00:01,250 3,000 children under the age of 10. 1247 01:00:01,333 --> 01:00:04,333 There are children being born literally every week, 1248 01:00:04,417 --> 01:00:08,542 sometimes almost every day. 1249 01:00:08,625 --> 01:00:11,750 Who they become, what they achieve, 1250 01:00:11,833 --> 01:00:17,167 the legacy they live is in large part contingent upon the men 1251 01:00:17,208 --> 01:00:21,833 who are their fathers. 1252 01:00:21,875 --> 01:00:24,458 Men, I want you, as a sacred honor, 1253 01:00:24,500 --> 01:00:27,042 to take on this responsibility. 1254 01:00:27,125 --> 01:00:29,333 It's something that the world is not doing, 1255 01:00:29,417 --> 01:00:32,542 and you will not hear anywhere apart from the Word of God. 1256 01:00:32,625 --> 01:00:34,833 But if the Holy Spirit is in you, 1257 01:00:34,917 --> 01:00:38,833 you want to become a father like God the Father, and you want 1258 01:00:38,917 --> 01:00:42,667 to bless your children as the Father has blessed you. 1259 01:00:42,750 --> 01:00:45,792 And for some of you, that means today you become a Christian-- 1260 01:00:45,833 --> 01:00:47,750 you turn from sin, you trust in Jesus, 1261 01:00:47,833 --> 01:00:50,958 you receive God as your Father, and you change before you could 1262 01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:55,792 start to effect any change in your family legacy and history. 1263 01:00:55,833 --> 01:00:59,292 In a moment, I'm going to pray for us. 1264 01:00:59,333 --> 01:01:03,125 At this point, it's my great honor to make an invitation 1265 01:01:03,167 --> 01:01:06,208 to you, to invite you to respond. 1266 01:01:06,292 --> 01:01:09,208 The first way to respond is we're going to collect our 1267 01:01:09,292 --> 01:01:10,750 tithes and offerings. 1268 01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:13,042 We are a church family; God is our Father. 1269 01:01:13,125 --> 01:01:15,125 Like every family, we have a budget, 1270 01:01:15,167 --> 01:01:17,833 and so we give generously and we practice generosity 1271 01:01:17,875 --> 01:01:20,417 because heart of the Father is generosity. 1272 01:01:20,500 --> 01:01:22,833 And for those of you who are giving generously, 1273 01:01:22,917 --> 01:01:25,542 I want to say thank you as we collect our offering. 1274 01:01:25,625 --> 01:01:27,833 Might I also recommend, if you are new, 1275 01:01:27,875 --> 01:01:30,667 give us your visitor card, place that in the offering. 1276 01:01:30,708 --> 01:01:33,250 And maybe you need to get into a Community Group, 1277 01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:36,000 and you need to get connected to other people and families, 1278 01:01:36,083 --> 01:01:37,958 you need relationships, accountability, and mentoring. 1279 01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:41,125 If you will fill that out and let us know who you are, 1280 01:01:41,167 --> 01:01:43,500 then we can help connect you in that way, 1281 01:01:43,583 --> 01:01:46,667 and we would love to connect you and possibly even your family 1282 01:01:46,708 --> 01:01:48,833 to our church family, amen? 1283 01:01:48,917 --> 01:01:51,958 As well, then, we're going to partake of Communion, where we 1284 01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:55,250 remember Jesus, our big Brother, who takes away our sin 1285 01:01:55,333 --> 01:01:57,833 and reconciles us to the Father. 1286 01:01:57,917 --> 01:02:00,833 And what families like to do together is have a meal, 1287 01:02:00,875 --> 01:02:03,792 and Communion is like a meal where the children of God come 1288 01:02:03,833 --> 01:02:07,125 to eat with God their Father, remembering the salvation 1289 01:02:07,167 --> 01:02:10,917 and adoption that the big Brother Jesus provides. 1290 01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,000 And then after that, we're going to sing. 1291 01:02:13,083 --> 01:02:15,083 You know why? 1292 01:02:15,167 --> 01:02:17,125 Because kids love to sing. 1293 01:02:17,167 --> 01:02:18,875 Have you noticed that? 1294 01:02:18,958 --> 01:02:21,083 Have you ever been around kids? 1295 01:02:21,167 --> 01:02:24,792 They sing, they dance, they have fun. 1296 01:02:24,833 --> 01:02:27,375 God is our Father; we are his kids. 1297 01:02:27,458 --> 01:02:31,500 We come to sing, to celebrate, to enjoy together our Father. 1298 01:02:31,542 --> 01:02:36,417 And let me beg you, fathers, sing, 1299 01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:42,250 raise your hands and surrender, model worship for your children. 1300 01:02:42,333 --> 01:02:46,708 Some of your wives have been waiting for this for years, 1301 01:02:46,792 --> 01:02:48,417 all right? 1302 01:02:48,500 --> 01:02:50,333 Put joy in their heart. 1303 01:02:50,417 --> 01:02:53,500 Put an example before your children and worship, sing, 1304 01:02:53,583 --> 01:02:56,250 rejoice, surrender to your Father, 1305 01:02:56,333 --> 01:02:59,833 and then invite the Father to help make you a better father. 1306 01:02:59,875 --> 01:03:02,833 And as we are preparing for our response, 1307 01:03:02,875 --> 01:03:05,417 we've got a few weeks left in Ephesians, 1308 01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:08,208 and then we're going to jump into the book of Acts. 1309 01:03:08,292 --> 01:03:11,917 And I wanted to share with you a little bit in the book of Acts 1310 01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:14,500 and where we'll be going in the next series. 1311 01:03:16,042 --> 01:03:21,000 Jesus said, "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit 1312 01:03:21,042 --> 01:03:23,708 "has come upon you, 1313 01:03:23,792 --> 01:03:27,875 "and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem 1314 01:03:27,958 --> 01:03:32,875 and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." 1315 01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:38,833 What does Jesus' mission look like here? 1316 01:03:41,083 --> 01:03:44,708 What's his mission here? 1317 01:03:44,792 --> 01:03:48,667 What does Jesus' mission look like here? 1318 01:03:48,708 --> 01:03:53,708 What does Jesus' mission look like here? 1319 01:03:53,792 --> 01:03:56,833 What is Jesus' mission here? 1320 01:03:56,917 --> 01:04:00,750 How do I know what Jesus' mission is? 1321 01:04:13,792 --> 01:04:16,500 Lord Jesus, you taught us to pray to God as Father, 1322 01:04:16,583 --> 01:04:19,500 so Heavenly Father, we thank you that you're our Father. 1323 01:04:19,542 --> 01:04:21,875 Of all the names we get to call you, 1324 01:04:21,958 --> 01:04:26,208 Dad--Dad is the one that you have designated. 1325 01:04:26,292 --> 01:04:31,125 For those of us who have had godly fathers, we say thank you. 1326 01:04:31,167 --> 01:04:33,417 For those who have had no fathers, 1327 01:04:33,500 --> 01:04:36,708 we thank you that you are a father to the fatherless. 1328 01:04:36,792 --> 01:04:40,125 And God, today I want to thank you that you've saved my father, 1329 01:04:40,167 --> 01:04:42,333 and he worships at Mars Hill Church, 1330 01:04:42,375 --> 01:04:44,125 and you've saved me, 1331 01:04:44,167 --> 01:04:45,917 and I worship at Mars Hill Church, 1332 01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:47,458 and you've saved our children, 1333 01:04:47,500 --> 01:04:49,250 and they worship at Mars Hill Church. 1334 01:04:49,333 --> 01:04:52,208 And God, I pray that my dad would live long enough that 1335 01:04:52,292 --> 01:04:53,917 four generations of us 1336 01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:56,167 would get to worship you as Father together. 1337 01:04:56,208 --> 01:04:59,333 And God, I pray for those who would hear this word, that Lord God 1338 01:04:59,417 --> 01:05:04,708 those of us who are fathers, that we would seek to submit to you 1339 01:05:04,792 --> 01:05:09,833 as good, obedient sons, honoring and obeying our Father. 1340 01:05:09,875 --> 01:05:13,208 And then as a result, we would learn how to lovingly, humbly, 1341 01:05:13,292 --> 01:05:19,417 graciously, generously, joyfully love our wives--Ephesians 5-- 1342 01:05:19,500 --> 01:05:22,375 and raise our kids--Ephesians 6. 1343 01:05:22,458 --> 01:05:24,792 And God, I pray that Mars Hill Church 1344 01:05:24,833 --> 01:05:26,875 would never walk away 1345 01:05:26,958 --> 01:05:30,333 from this great mantle of responsibility. 1346 01:05:30,375 --> 01:05:34,208 Of all the problems that we find in the world, we know that many, 1347 01:05:34,292 --> 01:05:39,417 if not most, if not all of them would be resolved if people 1348 01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:42,667 met Jesus and men took responsibility. 1349 01:05:42,708 --> 01:05:44,833 In Jesus' name, amen. 1350 01:05:46,833 --> 01:05:49,750 Each year, over 10 million Mars Hill church sermons 1351 01:05:49,833 --> 01:05:52,833 are downloaded worldwide for free. 1352 01:05:52,917 --> 01:05:55,458 This ministry is generously supported 1353 01:05:55,500 --> 01:05:58,083 by Mars Hill church members and listeners like you. 1354 01:05:58,167 --> 01:06:01,708 If you'd like to support our efforts to preach Jesus to the world, 1355 01:06:01,792 --> 01:06:04,708 Please consider making a tax-deductible donation 1356 01:06:04,792 --> 01:06:07,625 by visiting marshill.com/give.