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Hi there Mars Hill Church

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and the extended family
of Mars Hill Global.

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I'm pastor Sutton Turner
here in Dilla, Ethiopia

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and I wanted to take
a moment and explain

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what the extended family
of Mars Hill Global is.

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I was a podcaster
when I was living in the Middle East

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and consuming
those podcasts every week,

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participating, really one way, 
from Mars Hill Church.

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I was really a consumer.

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So what we're doing is setting up

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the extended family
of Mars Hill Global and saying,

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"Come, be a part of what Jesus Christ
is doing in and through our church."

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So what does Mars Hill Global do?

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Well, Mars Hill Global is doing
and participating in church planting

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here in Ethiopia and also in India.

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Also, we're doing church planting
in the United States as well.

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We're doing all of that
because in Mars Hill Church

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we believe that Jesus has called us
to make disciples and plant churches.

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So I want to ask you to be a part.
I want to as you to be a part

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of the extended family
of Mars Hill Global.

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Sign up today.

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Become a member
of the extended family,

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start participating online with us,

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and let's see what Jesus Christ
is going to do,

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not only in the United States,
but to the ends of the Earth.

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[music]

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[Laughing]
I'm Joshua.

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I'm Spencer.
Hey, I'm Jonathan.

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I'm a lawyer,
and I'm a mom.

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I'm a colorist
in the fashion industry.

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I don't know
how to not smile.

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I am a strategist.

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I work in
commercial real estate.

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Yeah, I'm just
trying to figure out

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how to phrase my work.

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People are always
coming up to me with, like,

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creative ideas.

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I carry around a baseball
that reminds me of my dad.

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I lost my home,
my car, my retirement.

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Most days look pretty,
kind of crazy.

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Being a wholesaler,
we have a big warehouse space.

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I like to think
through things.

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I got a tattoo
of a tree.

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I love--I love that.

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Who do you think--
Who do you think you are?

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One of my favorite books
of the whole Bible is

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the book of Ruth.

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I think it's arguably
the greatest short story

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ever written
in the history of the world.

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And very early on,
we're introduced to a woman

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who becomes
a central figure in the story.

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Her name is Naomi.

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She's one of God's people.

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She lives in
the great nation of Israel.

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And a famine hits; a great
economic crisis hits their land.

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And her husband
is a foolish man,

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and he decides that he
will relocate his family.

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And a move is a big thing,
especially in that day,

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when you're leaving
God's presence at the temple,

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and you're leaving
God's people in Israel.

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And he takes
his wife and their sons,

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and relocates to a pagan land.

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And there, his sons marry
godless women, and he dies,

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and then his sons die, and this
woman is left destitute poor,

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and absolutely alone.

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And she--she has
a devastated, difficult life.

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Her name, Naomi, meant sweet.

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Her identity was daughter
of God,

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and her life
was supposed to be sweet.

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Things become very dark
and difficult for her,

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and in Ruth 1:20,
she makes this statement:

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"Do not call me Naomi;
call me Mara,

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because my life
has become very bitter."

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She changes her name,
and in so doing,

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she's redefining her identity
by her hurt,

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by her suffering,
by her loss.

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The worst day of her life became
the defining day of her life.

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And in asking others
to call her Mara,

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she was accepting
bitterness as her identity,

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and the lens through which she
would interpret everything that

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would happen for the rest of
her life, because the name Mara

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literally means "bitter."

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Bitter.

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Are you Mara?

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In your past, have you
had a season of Mara?

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Are there people that you're in
relationship with who are Mara?

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Are there the seeds of
discontent in your soul

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that will, eventually,
cause you to be in

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a season of Mara,
bitterness?

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This issue is so pernicious
in my almost 17 years now

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of pastoral ministry.

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This is the issue that I have
dealt with most frequently,

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in my own soul,
and in the soul of others.

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Early on in our church, I was
the only paid pastor on staff,

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until we had about 800 people,

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which means a lot
of the counseling load

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resided with me.

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And I found over
and over and over and over

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and over this issue of
bitterness versus forgiveness.

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And the text of Scripture
that I have taken people to

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in counseling appointments
more than any other is

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Ephesians 4:25-32.

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It's where we find
ourselves today,

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dealing with this topic
of "I Am Forgiven."

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It deals with forgiveness
and bitterness.

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As you're finding
that place in your Bible,

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let me do a bit of work,
pastorally and theologically,

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regarding bitterness.

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Bitter people are archeologists,
always digging up the past.

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If you talk to
someone who is bitter,

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they will continually revisit
painful circumstances

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from their past.

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They can't move on.

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They always return back.

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They're stuck.

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"That's the day
that my life was ruined.

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"That's the day
that my hope was destroyed.

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It's been a funeral
since that day."

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Number two, bitter people
remember intricate details

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because they keep
a record of wrongs.

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1 Corinthians 13 says, "Love
keeps no record of wrongs."

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Bitter people do keep
a record of wrongs,

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and they will
revisit and rethink

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and recollect certain
circumstances and situations,

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not always accurately, because
bitter people sometimes lack

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a truthful perspective, but they
will sometimes even obsess.

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"I wish I would have said this.
I wish I would have done that."

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When you're dealing
with a bitter person, they'll--

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"On this day."

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And they can name the day of
the week and the actual date

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and the time of day
and the weather

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and what you were wearing

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and what your
facial expression was

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and the tone of your voice

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and word for word
what you said.

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And you may say, "I don't
know if I--I don't remember."

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"What, you don't care?"

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"No, I'm not bitter.

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"I haven't been replaying
that video in my mind

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"every day since.

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And you've obsessed over it, and
you've kept a record of wrong."

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Number three, bitter people are
triggered less by the offense

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and more by their
love for the offender.

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What I mean is this:

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if a complete stranger
does something against you,

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even if it is detestable,
10 years later

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you are not likely to be bitter,
because they were a stranger.

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But if someone that is near
and dear to you,

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someone that you love
and have deep affection for,

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offends you, sins against you,

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hurts you,
disappoints you,

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you are more likely to become
bitter because your expectations

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were higher.

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They may say something
like, "It wasn't a big deal,"

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and the response is,
"But you are."

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So, we're most likely to become
bitter against the people we

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love the most--our parents, our
grandparents, our children,

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our grandchildren,
our spouse, our friend,

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our ministry leader,

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the people that we love and have
expectations of and hopes for.

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And yes, friends, even God.

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Even God.

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Mara alludes to
this in Ruth 1:20.

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She says, "Call me Mara because
the Lord has made my life

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very bitter."

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She's saying,
"You know, God is sovereign,

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"and if these things pass
through his open hands,

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"and he does not capture
this affliction,

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"but he allows it
to rain down upon me,

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"then he is complicit
in my suffering,

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and he has contributed
to my bitterness."

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And some of you
are bitter against God.

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And number four, bitter people
are prone to be self-righteous

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since they are
the perceived victim.

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Bitter people tend to place
themselves on throne,

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where they rule
and reign like judges,

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and they pass verdicts on
people who have done wrong,

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and they sit in a very
exalted seat of pride.

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"I see things clearly.

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"I filled in the details
of the narrative,

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"and I'm here
to render my verdict,

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because that is my
right as the victim."

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If I sin against you, am I
prone to feel guilty or bitter?

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Guilty.

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If I perceive that
you've sinned against me,

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and I choose not to forgive you,

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am I prone to feel guilty
or bitter?

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Bitter.

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So, bitterness is,
by definition,

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the possession of the one

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who is perceived
to have been wronged.

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This contributes to their
sense of self-righteousness

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and judgmentalism.

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How do people become bitter?

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There are five ways
that I have seen,

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biblically and practically,
that people become bitter.

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The first four are illegitimate,
and the fifth is legitimate.

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I need to distinguish them.

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Number one, you wrongly think

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that they have sinned
against you.

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Now, they haven't sinned against
you, but you think they have,

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but you've got your facts
wrong, so it's a lie.

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I'll give you a case study.

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Some years ago,
talking to a man.

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He had not spoken to his
brother in a number of years.

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They were
in a business together,

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and the one brother accused
the other brother of stealing.

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And so he cut off
all communication,

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and this split the family
right down the middle.

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They both lived
in the same city,

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and they both had children.

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And so they would not get
together for the holidays.

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The cousins grew up
not knowing one another

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in any real relationship,

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because there was division--
there was bitterness.

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Finally, when digging down to
the bottom of the conflict,

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the one brother said,
"He stole from me,

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and I will not forgive him."

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The other brother said,
"I did not steal anything."

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We explored it.

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We investigated it.

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Come to find that thievery
had happened by someone else

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in the company.

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The bitter brother
was wrong--

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was wrong.

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Sometimes we think
we've been sinned against.

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We haven't been.

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We haven't been.

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So, we've got to be careful to
investigate, to get the facts.

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Number two,

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some of you have unreasonable
and/or

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unspoken expectations
that are unmet.

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Unreasonable, meaning you were
expecting someone to say or do

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or be something to you,
and they disappointed you.

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And you're hurt by that,
and you're grieved by that,

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and you mourn that, or maybe
even you're angry about that.

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But it was unreasonable.

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The expectation
was unreasonable,

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or it was unspoken.

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You expected from them,
and they did not deliver,

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but they did not know because
you did not say what it was

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you were hoping for.

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Number three,

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they rebuked you,
and you were hard-hearted,

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and you were hurt,
so you're bitter against them.

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You're bitter against them.

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"How dare they say that to me?

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How dare they point
that out at me?"

249
00:14:06,208 --> 00:14:09,167
And then what happens is
the conversation shifts

250
00:14:09,208 --> 00:14:16,042
from your sin to their tone.

251
00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:18,167
"I see this in your life.

252
00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:20,458
It's a sin, and it's a problem."

253
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,250
"Who are you to talk to me?

254
00:14:22,333 --> 00:14:24,333
"Let me talk about
sin in your life.

255
00:14:24,417 --> 00:14:26,042
Let's change the subject,"

256
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:28,208
or, "I don't like the way
you said that,"

257
00:14:28,292 --> 00:14:31,042
or, "You did it with
a certain look on your face,"

258
00:14:31,125 --> 00:14:33,625
or whatever the case may be.

259
00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:36,667
That maybe they did love you,
and there was something

260
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:41,792
in your life that needed to be
addressed, and they rebuked you,

261
00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:43,833
and you became hard-hearted,

262
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:49,542
and hurt, and bitter
against them.

263
00:14:49,625 --> 00:14:54,167
Number four,

264
00:14:54,208 --> 00:15:00,208
you are jealous of them.

265
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,667
Jesus' brother, James--he says
in James 3:14, this phrase,

266
00:15:06,708 --> 00:15:12,042
which is penetratingly
insightful.

267
00:15:12,125 --> 00:15:15,250
He speaks of a condition
that he calls, quote,

268
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:19,958
"Bitter envy
and selfish ambition."

269
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,958
This is not ambitious
for the glory of God.

270
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:29,458
This is ambitious for
the glory of self that fuels,

271
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:35,792
feed, fosters bitter envy.

272
00:15:35,833 --> 00:15:38,583
Jealousy.

273
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,583
This starts when
you're a kid.

274
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:44,375
Your sibling has an ability--
they're the cute one.

275
00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:45,792
They're the funny one.

276
00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:47,292
They're the athletic one.

277
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,792
They're the musical one.

278
00:15:48,833 --> 00:15:50,500
They're the obedient one.

279
00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:53,083
And you seethe against them,
you're frustrated by them,

280
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:59,167
you're angry with them, because
you're jealous of them.

281
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:02,833
This explains why,
sometimes in your life,

282
00:16:02,917 --> 00:16:07,333
you're having a glorious season,

283
00:16:07,417 --> 00:16:10,042
and it leads to
a painful conflict with a friend

284
00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:16,125
or a family member that you
thought would be glad for you.

285
00:16:16,167 --> 00:16:18,750
You got into
the college you wanted,

286
00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:23,000
and now they're upset with you.

287
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:26,125
That's because they didn't get in.

288
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:29,125
You've met someone, and you're
in a dating relationship,

289
00:16:29,167 --> 00:16:31,833
and you're really excited,
and they're really not

290
00:16:31,875 --> 00:16:35,458
because they want to be
in a relationship,

291
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:38,167
and that has not yet
happened for them.

292
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:41,083
You're engaged to be
married, and you tell them,

293
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,875
and you anticipate
that they will happy,

294
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:46,167
and they're not,
or it turns negative.

295
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:47,833
All of a sudden,
they're critical.

296
00:16:47,917 --> 00:16:50,042
"Why do you always have
to talk about them?

297
00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:52,542
"Why do you got to rub
my nose in it?

298
00:16:52,625 --> 00:16:55,542
Why do you have to parade
it in front of my face?"

299
00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:56,958
"What?
I--oh."

300
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,083
Bitter envy,
selfish ambition.

301
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:02,000
"We're pregnant!
We're having a child!"

302
00:17:02,083 --> 00:17:05,250
They're struggling with
infertility or still single,

303
00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:07,958
and they can't rejoice with
you because of bitter envy

304
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,625
and selfish ambition.

305
00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:11,333
Your kids are walking
with the Lord,

306
00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:14,542
and you give testimony to that,
and they're angry and upset

307
00:17:14,625 --> 00:17:17,667
and critical because their
children are wayward.

308
00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:20,500
Or you're happily married,
and you celebrate that,

309
00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:24,250
and then they criticize that
because the bitter envy

310
00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:25,750
and selfish ambition.

311
00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:29,458
Or you get a job, or you get
a raise, or you buy a house,

312
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:31,167
or you're healthy,
or God uses you,

313
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:34,167
and all of a sudden a good
thing becomes a bad thing

314
00:17:34,208 --> 00:17:37,917
because of a bitter heart
that is filled with envy.

315
00:17:41,042 --> 00:17:44,167
If you're bitter against someone
for any one of those

316
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:49,500
four reasons, you are in sin.

317
00:17:49,542 --> 00:17:52,000
You're in sin.

318
00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:59,083
The rest of the sermon
doesn't apply to you.

319
00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:02,542
You don't get to take out
the hat that says, "Victim,"

320
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:05,667
and then wear it
for the rest of your life

321
00:18:05,708 --> 00:18:10,500
because you
haven't been sinned against.

322
00:18:14,292 --> 00:18:18,417
The fifth category is the group
I want to spend the remainder

323
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:22,250
of the sermon speaking,
in large part, to,

324
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:28,125
and that is,
you have been sinned against.

325
00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:29,667
You've been sinned against.

326
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:32,833
You're a victim of sin.

327
00:18:32,917 --> 00:18:35,250
Somebody has said something,
or done something,

328
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:38,000
or failed to say something,
or failed to do something.

329
00:18:38,042 --> 00:18:40,875
And it's not just you,
seated on your throne,

330
00:18:40,958 --> 00:18:43,375
rendering a verdict.

331
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:48,167
It's God, seated on his throne,
saying, "That was wrong.

332
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:52,792
That was wrong."

333
00:18:52,833 --> 00:18:58,375
When we are sinned against,
we have two choices:

334
00:18:58,458 --> 00:19:01,542
bitterness or forgiveness.

335
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:03,542
That's it.

336
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:06,958
There's no third option.

337
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:13,458
When you are sinned against,
it's bitterness or forgiveness.

338
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:17,833
So, who is it that you
are bitter against,

339
00:19:17,875 --> 00:19:24,333
or potentially bitter against,
or will be bitter against?

340
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,958
Who has sinned against you?

341
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:37,083
Whose face comes
into your mind's eye?

342
00:19:37,167 --> 00:19:42,958
Whose name comes into your mind?

343
00:19:44,958 --> 00:19:50,875
Who has betrayed you?

344
00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:57,875
Who has abandoned you?

345
00:19:57,958 --> 00:20:01,458
Who has harmed you?

346
00:20:04,833 --> 00:20:09,167
Who has disappointed you?

347
00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:17,333
Who has hurt you?

348
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:24,750
Who do you blame
for your bitterness?

349
00:20:24,833 --> 00:20:30,667
Dear bitter friend,
what tends to happen is,

350
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:33,792
when we have been
sinned against--

351
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,500
we have been victimized--

352
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:39,125
we tend to justify
our bitterness,

353
00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:41,708
and if someone should show
us Scripture that says,

354
00:20:41,792 --> 00:20:46,417
"You are bitter," we then say,
"Yes, but they made me bitter.

355
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:51,917
Here's what they did."

356
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:56,875
But, no one can make you bitter.

357
00:20:56,958 --> 00:20:58,875
They're responsible
for their sin,

358
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,500
but you're responsible
for your bitterness.

359
00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:05,375
Amy Carmichael was
a gifted missionary,

360
00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:07,875
and she has this
insightful analogy.

361
00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:11,250
She says, quote, "For a cup
brimful of sweet water cannot

362
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:17,917
even spill one drop of bitter
water, however suddenly jolted."

363
00:21:26,833 --> 00:21:29,000
This is your heart...

364
00:21:29,042 --> 00:21:32,167
Someone sins against you,
all that comes out is

365
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:35,292
what's already in.

366
00:21:35,333 --> 00:21:40,292
If there's bitterness in you,
they're going to expose it.

367
00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:44,083
They're not causing it;
they're exposing it.

368
00:21:44,167 --> 00:21:46,750
If there's sweet water
in your soul,

369
00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:50,750
and someone sins against
you, they're exposing,

370
00:21:50,833 --> 00:21:57,375
not changing,
what is in your soul.

371
00:21:57,458 --> 00:22:00,625
You can't say, "I was only sweet
water, and then they bumped me,

372
00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:04,250
and all the water
became bitter."

373
00:22:04,333 --> 00:22:07,833
No, all the jolting,
and sinning,

374
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:13,167
and conflicting does is
reveal, not change, who we are.

375
00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:20,125
If it's bitter, it's because
we are choosing bitterness.

376
00:22:20,167 --> 00:22:24,833
If it's sweet, it's because
we're choosing sweetness.

377
00:22:24,917 --> 00:22:26,542
What's in your heart?

378
00:22:26,625 --> 00:22:29,125
What's in your soul?

379
00:22:29,167 --> 00:22:33,542
Sweetness or bitterness?

380
00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:36,083
Naomi or Mara?

381
00:22:36,167 --> 00:22:39,083
Naomi means "sweetness."

382
00:22:39,167 --> 00:22:42,000
She says,
"Change my name to Mara."

383
00:22:42,042 --> 00:22:44,792
Are you Naomi or Mara?

384
00:22:44,833 --> 00:22:49,583
Is your heart and soul filled
with sweetness or bitterness?

385
00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:51,375
And I want to be careful,
friends,

386
00:22:51,458 --> 00:22:54,167
because I don't want to give you
the excuse that because

387
00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:57,667
you've been sinned against,
you have a right to sin.

388
00:22:57,708 --> 00:22:59,792
And that's what bitterness is.

389
00:22:59,833 --> 00:23:05,958
It's responding to evil
with evil, sin with sin--

390
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:10,167
which brings us
to Ephesians 4:25-32,

391
00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:13,458
the section of the Bible that,
in my time,

392
00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:18,917
have used for myself and others
more than any other.

393
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:23,958
What does God say to
those who are bitter?

394
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,167
What would God have us to say
to those whom we counsel

395
00:23:27,208 --> 00:23:28,542
and are bitter?

396
00:23:28,625 --> 00:23:31,333
Ephesians 4:25-29:

397
00:23:31,417 --> 00:23:34,000
Six Commands
for Bitter Believers.

398
00:23:34,083 --> 00:23:36,333
"Therefore, having
put away falsehood,

399
00:23:36,417 --> 00:23:39,583
"let each one of you speak
the truth with his neighbor,

400
00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:42,833
"for we are members
one of another.

401
00:23:42,917 --> 00:23:48,583
"Be angry and do not sin;
do not let the sun go down

402
00:23:48,667 --> 00:23:54,542
"on your anger, and give no
opportunity to the devil.

403
00:23:54,625 --> 00:23:57,667
"Let the thief no longer steal,
but rather let him labor,

404
00:23:57,708 --> 00:23:59,792
"doing honest work
with his own hands,

405
00:23:59,833 --> 00:24:03,000
"so that he may have something
to share with anyone in need.

406
00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:06,250
"Let no corrupting talk
come out of your mouths,

407
00:24:06,333 --> 00:24:10,417
but only such as is good
for building up"--

408
00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:12,750
not tearing down--

409
00:24:12,833 --> 00:24:15,958
"as fits the occasion,
that it may give grace

410
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,042
to those who hear."

411
00:24:18,125 --> 00:24:20,833
Six Commands
for Bitter Believers.

412
00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:24,750
Number one,
watch your gossip.

413
00:24:24,833 --> 00:24:27,333
Watch your gossip.

414
00:24:27,417 --> 00:24:32,292
When we are hurt,
we are prone to leak.

415
00:24:34,125 --> 00:24:38,583
He tells us,
"Let each one of you

416
00:24:38,667 --> 00:24:41,167
speak the truth
with his neighbor"--

417
00:24:41,208 --> 00:24:44,042
meaning, if you think
they sinned against you,

418
00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:49,167
go work it out with them, okay?

419
00:24:49,208 --> 00:24:54,458
Gossip is when we talk about
people; we don't talk with them.

420
00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:56,167
That's gossip.

421
00:24:56,250 --> 00:24:58,833
The Bible has nothing
good to say about gossip,

422
00:24:58,917 --> 00:25:00,833
and just because you're
hurting doesn't mean

423
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:04,750
there's an exception clause.

424
00:25:04,833 --> 00:25:09,333
Can't say things like,
"I'm just emotional."

425
00:25:09,417 --> 00:25:14,417
Guard your heart.

426
00:25:17,417 --> 00:25:22,333
In our day of social media,
we have to be very careful

427
00:25:22,375 --> 00:25:25,167
to watch our gossip.

428
00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:30,250
You can post--Facebook,
Twitter, blog.

429
00:25:30,333 --> 00:25:32,708
You can pick up
a phone and call.

430
00:25:32,792 --> 00:25:34,333
You can text.

431
00:25:34,375 --> 00:25:37,167
You can e-mail.

432
00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:41,875
If you don't watch your gossip,
you now have, at your disposal,

433
00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:44,667
the biggest opportunity in
the history of the world

434
00:25:44,750 --> 00:25:50,792
to gossip as quickly
and widely as possible.

435
00:25:50,833 --> 00:25:53,667
Watch your gossip.

436
00:25:53,708 --> 00:25:56,083
Some of you say,
"What, I can't talk about it?"

437
00:25:56,167 --> 00:25:58,667
Maybe talk to
the Lord about it.

438
00:25:58,708 --> 00:26:01,750
We call that prayer.

439
00:26:01,833 --> 00:26:07,708
It says this in Proverbs 26:20,
"Without wood, a fire goes out.

440
00:26:07,792 --> 00:26:11,250
Without gossip,
a quarrel dies down."

441
00:26:11,333 --> 00:26:15,417
What he says is that a conflict
between believers is

442
00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:20,917
like a fire,
and gossip is like wood.

443
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:25,417
And the more you talk, you're
just inviting other people.

444
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:29,625
"Hey, bring your wood.
My fire's going down.

445
00:26:29,667 --> 00:26:32,667
"I was having a conflict
with this person,

446
00:26:32,708 --> 00:26:36,375
"and now the conflict
is dying down,

447
00:26:36,458 --> 00:26:40,833
"so I want more people involved,
and I want more wood brought to

448
00:26:40,917 --> 00:26:45,083
"the fire, and I want to stoke
this into a real blaze.

449
00:26:45,167 --> 00:26:50,667
"So gossip with me, listen
to me, and then speculate.

450
00:26:50,750 --> 00:26:53,792
"Fill in the blanks;
finish the narrative.

451
00:26:53,833 --> 00:26:58,375
"Let's just talk about
this ad nauseam.

452
00:26:58,458 --> 00:27:03,167
Let's invite more
people to get involved."

453
00:27:03,208 --> 00:27:08,042
See, God's people are to bring
water to the fire, not wood.

454
00:27:08,125 --> 00:27:13,542
Gossip is just dry kindling.

455
00:27:13,625 --> 00:27:16,958
This doesn't mean you
can't seek wise counsel.

456
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,333
Some of you should.

457
00:27:18,417 --> 00:27:19,833
You should meet with a pastor,

458
00:27:19,917 --> 00:27:21,250
or biblical counselor,

459
00:27:21,333 --> 00:27:22,958
or somebody who's in
a peace-making ministry,

460
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,125
if it really has escalated
into an adversarial position.

461
00:27:26,167 --> 00:27:28,042
Say, "Okay, here's
where we're at.

462
00:27:28,125 --> 00:27:29,958
"I do want to talk to them.

463
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,542
"Help me arrange or figure out
how to talk to them

464
00:27:32,625 --> 00:27:37,000
so we can work through this."

465
00:27:37,042 --> 00:27:39,333
Sometimes this means you
literally need to sit down

466
00:27:39,417 --> 00:27:42,000
with them face to face.

467
00:27:42,042 --> 00:27:44,583
Matthew 18 says if there's
a personal offense between

468
00:27:44,667 --> 00:27:46,500
the two of you,
you start face to face.

469
00:27:46,542 --> 00:27:49,250
And if that doesn't
produce any result,

470
00:27:49,333 --> 00:27:51,792
then you bring along
two or three other godly people

471
00:27:51,833 --> 00:27:57,667
to help mediate
and observe the process.

472
00:27:57,708 --> 00:28:00,250
This may include
writing a letter

473
00:28:00,333 --> 00:28:03,000
so you can get it
all thought out,

474
00:28:03,083 --> 00:28:06,458
knowing that seeing them
would be very emotional.

475
00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:08,208
And you're willing
to meet with them,

476
00:28:08,292 --> 00:28:09,708
but first you want
to communicate.

477
00:28:09,792 --> 00:28:12,708
"Okay, here's where I'm at and
here's where I want to meet

478
00:28:12,792 --> 00:28:14,708
"and here's what I
want to talk about,

479
00:28:14,792 --> 00:28:16,208
"and if
you're agreeable to that,

480
00:28:16,292 --> 00:28:18,958
let's pray and get our hearts
ready so we can talk."

481
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,333
This may include a phone call
or a Skype if they are far away.

482
00:28:22,375 --> 00:28:24,625
You never reconcile
anything with a text.

483
00:28:24,667 --> 00:28:27,833
And you never reconcile
anything on the Internet.

484
00:28:27,917 --> 00:28:30,833
All you do is invite all the
bitter gossips to be involved,

485
00:28:30,917 --> 00:28:32,542
which only complicates things.

486
00:28:32,625 --> 00:28:36,042
They bring all their
wood to your fire.

487
00:28:36,125 --> 00:28:39,375
Somebody may be unsafe
or dangerous because

488
00:28:39,458 --> 00:28:43,167
they've assaulted you, or they're
not a trustworthy person.

489
00:28:43,250 --> 00:28:46,792
Maybe it's a phone call.
Maybe it's with witnesses.

490
00:28:46,833 --> 00:28:53,083
It's finding a safe way
to have that conversation.

491
00:28:53,167 --> 00:28:57,167
But watch your gossip.

492
00:28:57,208 --> 00:29:03,458
And ladies, watch your
prayer request gossip.

493
00:29:03,500 --> 00:29:06,750
Right, religious ladies?

494
00:29:06,833 --> 00:29:12,375
"Please pray for my husband.
He's a 'blank.'

495
00:29:13,375 --> 00:29:18,167
Oh no, that wasn't gossip.
That was a prayer request."

496
00:29:18,208 --> 00:29:20,333
No, that was
a gossip prayer request.

497
00:29:20,417 --> 00:29:22,958
You're tricky.

498
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,750
Right, men?

499
00:29:25,833 --> 00:29:29,333
"Boy, pray for my wife.
She's a 'blank.'"

500
00:29:29,417 --> 00:29:31,625
That's gossip.
Have you talked to her?

501
00:29:31,667 --> 00:29:35,667
"No.
I'm not talking about her.

502
00:29:35,750 --> 00:29:38,667
Pray for her."

503
00:29:38,708 --> 00:29:43,167
How about I pray that you
stop gossiping about her?

504
00:29:43,208 --> 00:29:46,375
Number two,
watch your emotions.

505
00:29:46,458 --> 00:29:49,292
He says, "Be angry
and do not sin."

506
00:29:49,333 --> 00:29:52,250
What he doesn't say
is, "Don't be angry."

507
00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:53,750
And religious people
will say,

508
00:29:53,833 --> 00:29:55,958
"Oh, there are
two buckets of emotions:

509
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,667
good emotions and bad emotions."

510
00:29:57,708 --> 00:30:00,667
There's not,
because God has all emotions.

511
00:30:00,708 --> 00:30:03,375
The question is whether or not
the emotions are driving us

512
00:30:03,458 --> 00:30:06,083
toward holiness or unholiness.

513
00:30:06,167 --> 00:30:08,375
And some will say, "Oh,
anger--that's a bad emotion."

514
00:30:08,458 --> 00:30:09,833
Not necessarily.

515
00:30:09,917 --> 00:30:11,875
God gets angry.

516
00:30:11,958 --> 00:30:13,292
God gets angry.

517
00:30:13,333 --> 00:30:14,667
Jesus gets angry.

518
00:30:14,750 --> 00:30:17,875
He never sinned,
but he got angry.

519
00:30:17,958 --> 00:30:21,375
The most frequently quoted verse
in the whole Bible,

520
00:30:21,458 --> 00:30:23,875
if you go to the 66 books
of the Bible,

521
00:30:23,958 --> 00:30:25,875
and say, "Boy there's
a lot in here.

522
00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:27,542
What verse is
repeated most often?"

523
00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:30,875
It's this one--Exodus 34:6--
and it's God's self-disclosure

524
00:30:30,958 --> 00:30:32,583
and revelation of himself.

525
00:30:32,667 --> 00:30:34,375
And he describes
himself as, quote,

526
00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:38,083
"A God who is slow to anger."

527
00:30:38,167 --> 00:30:41,333
God has a long wick.

528
00:30:41,375 --> 00:30:45,125
God's not always on
the threshold of eruption.

529
00:30:45,167 --> 00:30:50,917
God gets angry, but you have
to get him there with ongoing

530
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,625
stubbornness, hardness of
heart, rebellion, and folly.

531
00:30:55,667 --> 00:31:00,583
By the power of the Holy Spirit,
you and I need to be like that.

532
00:31:00,667 --> 00:31:03,333
It's not that we
don't get to anger,

533
00:31:03,417 --> 00:31:09,167
but we don't start with anger.

534
00:31:09,208 --> 00:31:10,667
"In your anger, do not sin."

535
00:31:10,708 --> 00:31:14,875
But anger can be
a very powerful emotion

536
00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:18,000
that can be used for
constructive good.

537
00:31:18,042 --> 00:31:19,750
I'll give you an example.

538
00:31:19,833 --> 00:31:22,792
The woman who founded Mothers
Against Drunk Driving--

539
00:31:22,833 --> 00:31:26,000
she had a child who was killed
by a drunk driver,

540
00:31:26,042 --> 00:31:30,375
a repeat offender drunk driver.

541
00:31:30,458 --> 00:31:34,500
And it looked like, perhaps,
nothing would be done, legally,

542
00:31:34,542 --> 00:31:39,667
to this guilty drunk driver
who killed her child.

543
00:31:39,750 --> 00:31:41,250
She became angry.

544
00:31:41,333 --> 00:31:43,583
Is that okay?
Is that okay?

545
00:31:43,667 --> 00:31:46,167
If somebody gets drunk
and kills people,

546
00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:49,167
if somebody molests a child,
somebody assaults a woman,

547
00:31:49,250 --> 00:31:51,458
what do you think's
in God's heart?

548
00:31:51,500 --> 00:31:53,167
Anger.

549
00:31:53,208 --> 00:31:55,250
It's wrong.

550
00:31:55,333 --> 00:31:58,875
What she did was
she took that anger,

551
00:31:58,958 --> 00:32:02,417
and she founded Mothers
Against Drunk Driving,

552
00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:05,417
to do something good
out of the suffering

553
00:32:05,500 --> 00:32:07,750
that she was enduring.

554
00:32:07,833 --> 00:32:10,958
"In your anger, do not sin."

555
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,167
Watch your emotions.

556
00:32:13,208 --> 00:32:15,333
Number three,
watch your clock.

557
00:32:15,417 --> 00:32:18,750
It says, "Do not let
the sun go down on your anger."

558
00:32:18,833 --> 00:32:22,458
That's an agrarian society where
you would get up with the sun,

559
00:32:22,500 --> 00:32:25,750
go to work, and then you
would come home and go to bed

560
00:32:25,833 --> 00:32:28,042
when the sun went down.

561
00:32:28,125 --> 00:32:29,833
They didn't have electricity.

562
00:32:29,917 --> 00:32:33,042
It was a day that was governed
by the rising and the setting

563
00:32:33,125 --> 00:32:34,458
of the sun.

564
00:32:34,500 --> 00:32:37,667
And in saying, "Do not let
the sun go down on your anger,"

565
00:32:37,708 --> 00:32:42,458
what it's saying is, "Don't
let things extend or delay."

566
00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:45,167
It doesn't mean you can't go
for a walk and say,

567
00:32:45,250 --> 00:32:46,875
"Look, I'm really frustrated.

568
00:32:46,958 --> 00:32:48,583
"I need to pray.

569
00:32:48,667 --> 00:32:50,500
"Let me journal,
think my thoughts through,

570
00:32:50,542 --> 00:32:52,083
"get my head on straight.

571
00:32:52,167 --> 00:32:54,667
"Let me cool down.
Let me go read my Bible.

572
00:32:54,750 --> 00:32:56,667
"I'll be ready
in an hour or two.

573
00:32:56,750 --> 00:32:59,875
"Let me just get ready to talk
to you so I don't bring

574
00:32:59,958 --> 00:33:02,917
a lot of wood to this fire."

575
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:08,333
That's okay, but when you wait
days and months

576
00:33:08,417 --> 00:33:12,542
and years,

577
00:33:12,625 --> 00:33:17,042
it's like untreated
cancer in the soul.

578
00:33:17,125 --> 00:33:23,167
It just grows
and grows and grows.

579
00:33:23,208 --> 00:33:29,708
So he tells us
to watch our clock.

580
00:33:29,792 --> 00:33:33,500
Some of you so fear conflict
that you've chosen bitterness

581
00:33:33,583 --> 00:33:36,792
over conflict.

582
00:33:36,833 --> 00:33:42,458
What happens when we fail
to heed God's instruction?

583
00:33:42,500 --> 00:33:45,875
Well, that's
the impetus for point four.

584
00:33:45,958 --> 00:33:48,875
He says, "Watch your enemy."

585
00:33:48,958 --> 00:33:52,667
He says, "Give no
opportunity to the devil."

586
00:33:52,750 --> 00:33:56,250
This is where Christian
instruction is different than

587
00:33:56,333 --> 00:33:58,292
non-Christian instruction.

588
00:33:58,333 --> 00:34:00,667
If you're dealing with
issues of bitterness,

589
00:34:00,708 --> 00:34:04,208
and strained relationships,
and unforgiveness,

590
00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:07,333
and you're dealing with secular
psychology and counseling,

591
00:34:07,375 --> 00:34:10,417
they're not going to
include Satan and demons.

592
00:34:10,500 --> 00:34:15,542
But the Bible does,
and the Bible says that Satan

593
00:34:15,625 --> 00:34:18,958
and demons--they hate God
and they hate God's people,

594
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:22,958
which means they love it when
God's people shoot one another.

595
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,333
Satan loves it when
a Christian shoots a Christian.

596
00:34:25,417 --> 00:34:27,167
Saves them the bullet,

597
00:34:27,208 --> 00:34:32,042
and it also publicly damages
the reputation of Jesus.

598
00:34:32,125 --> 00:34:34,333
It's all spiritual war.

599
00:34:34,417 --> 00:34:37,500
That's where this is
all going in Ephesians 6.

600
00:34:37,542 --> 00:34:40,500
The very next chapter is
about spiritual warfare.

601
00:34:40,542 --> 00:34:43,083
And the introduction to Satan
and demons is right here,

602
00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:45,583
that they tend to get their
foothold in the church,

603
00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:48,583
and in our families and in our
relationships and in our lives

604
00:34:48,667 --> 00:34:51,292
and in our Community Groups
and in our Redemption Groups

605
00:34:51,333 --> 00:34:55,000
through bitterness.

606
00:34:55,083 --> 00:34:59,125
He says, as well,
to watch your hands.

607
00:34:59,167 --> 00:35:01,333
He says,
"Let the thief no longer steal,

608
00:35:01,375 --> 00:35:04,333
"but rather let him labor, doing
honest work with his hands,

609
00:35:04,417 --> 00:35:07,958
that he may have something
to share with anyone in need."

610
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,750
What do you do with your
hands when you're bitter?

611
00:35:11,833 --> 00:35:13,250
Do you punch something?

612
00:35:13,333 --> 00:35:14,958
Do you shove someone?

613
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:16,500
Do you grab someone?

614
00:35:16,583 --> 00:35:17,917
Do you throw something?

615
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,542
Do you slam a door?

616
00:35:19,625 --> 00:35:21,042
Do you jump in a car?

617
00:35:21,125 --> 00:35:24,250
Do you slam it into
gear and speed away?

618
00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:30,000
What do you do with your hands?

619
00:35:30,083 --> 00:35:33,042
He says, "Watch your hands."

620
00:35:33,125 --> 00:35:37,000
Do something constructive,
not destructive.

621
00:35:37,083 --> 00:35:41,042
Do something that helps
others, doesn't harm others.

622
00:35:41,125 --> 00:35:43,333
I was talking to
a divorce attorney after

623
00:35:43,417 --> 00:35:45,167
the previous sermon.

624
00:35:45,208 --> 00:35:49,333
He came up and he said,
"This sounds like my life."

625
00:35:49,417 --> 00:35:51,708
He said, "And what people do
with their hands

626
00:35:51,792 --> 00:35:55,042
when they're bitter," he said,
"Mark, it's devastating

627
00:35:55,125 --> 00:35:59,458
what they do with their hands."

628
00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:04,167
Grab your phone,
grab your laptop,

629
00:36:04,208 --> 00:36:07,458
and declare war.

630
00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:12,333
Watch your hands.

631
00:36:12,417 --> 00:36:14,458
And number six,
watch your mouth.

632
00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:20,458
He says, "Let no corrupting
talk come out of your mouths."

633
00:36:20,500 --> 00:36:23,167
You say, "How do I know whether
or not it's corrupting?"

634
00:36:23,208 --> 00:36:27,750
He says, "It's not about
you getting your hurt out,

635
00:36:27,833 --> 00:36:31,042
but imparting grace
to those who hear."

636
00:36:31,125 --> 00:36:33,417
Is this going to tell the truth?

637
00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:36,542
Because he starts with this
statement: "Put away falsehood,

638
00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:40,125
let each one of you
speak the truth."

639
00:36:40,167 --> 00:36:44,667
Now, bitter people tend to
rewrite, revise history.

640
00:36:44,708 --> 00:36:48,333
"I will omit these details that
paint me in a negative light.

641
00:36:48,375 --> 00:36:51,167
"I will emphasize these details
that paint them

642
00:36:51,208 --> 00:36:53,000
"in a negative light.

643
00:36:53,083 --> 00:36:57,292
And I will not speak
the whole truth."

644
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,500
He says, "Watch your mouth.
Watch your mouth.

645
00:37:04,583 --> 00:37:07,833
Tell the truth
about them and you."

646
00:37:07,917 --> 00:37:10,042
Some of you say,
"But they sinned against me,

647
00:37:10,125 --> 00:37:11,667
so don't I have a right?"

648
00:37:11,708 --> 00:37:15,542
You do not have a right
to respond to sin with sin.

649
00:37:15,625 --> 00:37:21,667
The Bible says, "Do not
respond to evil with evil."

650
00:37:21,708 --> 00:37:25,417
And here's something
that I've observed.

651
00:37:25,500 --> 00:37:28,750
Almost 17 years now
of being your pastor,

652
00:37:28,833 --> 00:37:30,833
I've observed it in my own life,

653
00:37:30,875 --> 00:37:33,417
and I've observed it
in the life of others.

654
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:35,333
When you're bitter
against someone,

655
00:37:35,375 --> 00:37:38,667
you tend to nickname them.

656
00:37:38,708 --> 00:37:45,333
In my experiences, we nickname
those we love and those we hate.

657
00:37:47,625 --> 00:37:50,750
And if we're bitter against
someone, we name them--

658
00:37:50,833 --> 00:37:54,458
we nickname them.

659
00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:56,833
And what we're doing is
we're trying to create

660
00:37:56,917 --> 00:37:59,333
an identity for them.

661
00:37:59,375 --> 00:38:01,833
You are not Dearly Loved
Child of God.

662
00:38:01,875 --> 00:38:05,750
You are whatever the name is.

663
00:38:05,833 --> 00:38:10,042
And then we articulate that to
invite other people to echo our

664
00:38:10,125 --> 00:38:14,667
naming of them, so that then,
not only do we see them in this

665
00:38:14,708 --> 00:38:18,958
negative light, but then as many
as possible join us

666
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,042
in seeing them
in that negative light.

667
00:38:21,125 --> 00:38:24,708
And once we name them
or nickname them,

668
00:38:24,792 --> 00:38:28,000
the assumption is they
will never change.

669
00:38:28,083 --> 00:38:31,042
This is who they are.

670
00:38:31,125 --> 00:38:34,542
There's no hope for them.

671
00:38:34,625 --> 00:38:40,333
And then we can treat
them with utter contempt.

672
00:38:45,333 --> 00:38:49,708
So Paul, inspired by
the Holy Spirit, says,

673
00:38:49,792 --> 00:38:53,333
"Watch your mouth.
Watch your mouth."

674
00:38:53,417 --> 00:38:56,667
This is written by who?

675
00:38:56,750 --> 00:38:58,583
Who wrote this, Mars Hill?

676
00:38:58,667 --> 00:39:04,125
God, through a guy named
Paul, who is in prison.

677
00:39:09,708 --> 00:39:16,458
He could be very bitter--
against people and God.

678
00:39:16,500 --> 00:39:22,167
He is in prison
because he loves Jesus.

679
00:39:22,208 --> 00:39:25,250
That's why he's in prison.

680
00:39:25,333 --> 00:39:27,333
And he could be
in prison saying,

681
00:39:27,417 --> 00:39:32,042
"I hate the Roman government.
I'm very bitter against them.

682
00:39:32,125 --> 00:39:36,000
"And I'm also
disappointed in Jesus.

683
00:39:36,083 --> 00:39:41,833
"I have suffered shipwreck,
homelessness, poverty, beatings.

684
00:39:41,875 --> 00:39:44,333
"I have no wife.
I have no children.

685
00:39:44,417 --> 00:39:47,167
"I am all alone.
I am in a jail cell.

686
00:39:47,208 --> 00:39:49,750
"I do not know if I
will be released.

687
00:39:49,833 --> 00:39:52,708
"And I'm disappointed
with Jesus,

688
00:39:52,792 --> 00:39:55,042
"because I have given
my all for him,

689
00:39:55,125 --> 00:39:59,708
and he has given
nothing to me."

690
00:39:59,792 --> 00:40:04,542
And that's not what he says.

691
00:40:04,625 --> 00:40:09,625
His life is harder,
his pain is deeper,

692
00:40:09,667 --> 00:40:13,667
his grief is darker
than yours and mine.

693
00:40:13,708 --> 00:40:16,542
His demonic affliction
is at a scale

694
00:40:16,625 --> 00:40:23,333
that we do not even comprehend.

695
00:40:25,125 --> 00:40:28,167
So, how do people become bitter?

696
00:40:28,208 --> 00:40:31,167
What is the cycle of bitterness?

697
00:40:31,208 --> 00:40:38,083
Ephesians 4:31,
"Let all"--how much?

698
00:40:38,167 --> 00:40:42,875
All.

699
00:40:42,958 --> 00:40:44,958
The word "all"
is very important.

700
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,083
"Let all bitterness"--

701
00:40:47,167 --> 00:40:49,250
so, that's what
we've been talking about

702
00:40:49,333 --> 00:40:53,500
for 40 minutes--that word.

703
00:40:53,542 --> 00:40:56,042
"All bitterness."

704
00:40:56,125 --> 00:40:59,750
Let me just start there.

705
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:08,167
Hebrews 12:15 says that, as
Christians and in the church,

706
00:41:08,208 --> 00:41:12,958
we have to dig up the root of
bitterness lest it grow up

707
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:18,417
and defile many.

708
00:41:18,500 --> 00:41:23,167
What he's saying is that
bitterness has roots.

709
00:41:23,208 --> 00:41:24,833
I'll give you an analogy,

710
00:41:24,917 --> 00:41:26,250
an illustration
from my childhood.

711
00:41:26,333 --> 00:41:28,125
I was the oldest
of five children,

712
00:41:28,167 --> 00:41:31,458
and we didn't water our lawn
during the summer

713
00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:32,958
because it cost money.

714
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:36,583
So, the grass would die,
but the weeds would flourish.

715
00:41:36,667 --> 00:41:41,167
I know not why, but that's
just how it worked in our yard.

716
00:41:41,250 --> 00:41:46,792
So, weeds everywhere.
And my dad--

717
00:41:46,833 --> 00:41:49,375
"Mark, I've got to go to work.

718
00:41:49,458 --> 00:41:51,167
"You're home for the summer.

719
00:41:51,250 --> 00:41:53,958
I need you to go out,
get rid of the weeds."

720
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,792
"How should I do that, Dad?"

721
00:41:55,833 --> 00:41:58,583
"Get a shovel.
You got to dig them up."

722
00:41:58,667 --> 00:42:02,917
I thought, "No, I want to
ride my bike and play ball.

723
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,333
"It's summer.

724
00:42:04,375 --> 00:42:07,125
There's got to be a quicker
way to remove the weeds."

725
00:42:07,167 --> 00:42:10,333
So, I got the electric weed
eater, the weed whacker,

726
00:42:10,417 --> 00:42:11,958
and I thought,
"Well, I'll just--

727
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:13,667
"this'll just take a minute.

728
00:42:13,708 --> 00:42:16,833
"We'll get rid of all the weeds,
and then I'll have time

729
00:42:16,917 --> 00:42:20,125
to ride my bike and play ball
and move on with my life."

730
00:42:20,167 --> 00:42:21,958
So I got
the electric weed whacker,

731
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,208
whacked down all the weeds,
jumped on my bike,

732
00:42:24,292 --> 00:42:26,667
drove away to go enjoy
the rest of my summer.

733
00:42:26,708 --> 00:42:28,417
And lo and behold,
it wasn't long.

734
00:42:28,500 --> 00:42:31,583
I looked out on the lawn and
what do you think was there?

735
00:42:31,667 --> 00:42:33,000
More weeds.

736
00:42:33,042 --> 00:42:38,833
More weeds,
because weeds have roots,

737
00:42:38,917 --> 00:42:45,833
and if you don't pull the roots,
you just get more weeds, right?

738
00:42:47,708 --> 00:42:52,333
Forgiveness is the shovel that
digs up the root of bitterness.

739
00:42:52,417 --> 00:42:54,583
So, what Paul is saying
here, he's saying,

740
00:42:54,667 --> 00:42:58,667
"Don't just work on your hurt,
or your anger, or your temper.

741
00:42:58,708 --> 00:43:00,667
Get the root."

742
00:43:00,708 --> 00:43:02,333
And the root is what?

743
00:43:02,417 --> 00:43:05,125
Bitterness.

744
00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:07,833
How many of you, you feel
like, "I dealt with that,

745
00:43:07,917 --> 00:43:10,833
and then it comes back, and it's
bigger and worse than ever"?

746
00:43:10,917 --> 00:43:14,542
You didn't pull the root.

747
00:43:14,625 --> 00:43:21,333
"Let all bitterness and wrath
and anger and clamor and slander

748
00:43:21,375 --> 00:43:25,250
"be put away from you,

749
00:43:25,333 --> 00:43:28,833
along with all malice."

750
00:43:28,917 --> 00:43:34,042
Returning to my analogy that I
borrowed from Proverbs 26:20,

751
00:43:34,125 --> 00:43:36,542
"Without wood, a fire goes out.

752
00:43:36,625 --> 00:43:39,958
Without gossip,
a quarrel dies down."

753
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:43,000
Bitterness is a spark.

754
00:43:43,042 --> 00:43:44,583
You've been sinned against.

755
00:43:44,667 --> 00:43:46,083
You've been hurt.

756
00:43:46,167 --> 00:43:47,958
There's a flash.

757
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:50,167
You decide,
"I will not forgive them,"

758
00:43:50,250 --> 00:43:53,167
or, "I won't forgive them
right now."

759
00:43:53,208 --> 00:43:56,250
There's a spark.

760
00:43:56,333 --> 00:43:58,667
That leads to wrath.

761
00:43:58,708 --> 00:44:01,667
Now, you've got a flame.

762
00:44:01,708 --> 00:44:04,042
You ever built
a fire or a campfire?

763
00:44:04,125 --> 00:44:06,833
First thing, you need a spark,
and then a little flame.

764
00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:08,750
Okay, now we have
the beginnings

765
00:44:08,833 --> 00:44:10,542
of a potential fire.

766
00:44:10,625 --> 00:44:12,667
There's an opportunity here.

767
00:44:12,708 --> 00:44:14,625
That's what wrath is.

768
00:44:14,667 --> 00:44:16,833
Bitterness is like the spark.

769
00:44:16,917 --> 00:44:19,208
Wrath is the first flame.

770
00:44:19,292 --> 00:44:21,833
Now, through gossip, you're
literally breathing on it.

771
00:44:21,917 --> 00:44:23,250
"They did this."

772
00:44:23,333 --> 00:44:24,667
"They said that."

773
00:44:24,708 --> 00:44:26,042
"They hurt me."

774
00:44:26,125 --> 00:44:27,458
"Here's how I feel."

775
00:44:27,500 --> 00:44:28,833
"See my emotion."

776
00:44:28,917 --> 00:44:30,833
You're blowing on
that little flame,

777
00:44:30,875 --> 00:44:34,167
hoping I can get
this into a fire.

778
00:44:34,250 --> 00:44:40,042
Anger is where you
officially have a small fire.

779
00:44:42,208 --> 00:44:44,792
You don't
need to keep stuffing paper.

780
00:44:44,833 --> 00:44:47,583
The kindling has caught.

781
00:44:47,667 --> 00:44:53,500
It's not a big fire,
but it could be.

782
00:44:53,542 --> 00:44:56,292
"Clamor."

783
00:44:56,333 --> 00:45:02,208
Now it's a growing fire.

784
00:45:02,292 --> 00:45:04,667
It's a growing fire.

785
00:45:04,708 --> 00:45:06,125
It's warm.

786
00:45:06,167 --> 00:45:08,000
There's heat coming off it.

787
00:45:08,083 --> 00:45:09,458
You can see it.

788
00:45:09,500 --> 00:45:11,542
There's life to it.

789
00:45:11,625 --> 00:45:13,333
You ever been around a big fire?

790
00:45:13,417 --> 00:45:19,458
It's like it has a life of
its own--so much energy there.

791
00:45:19,500 --> 00:45:24,958
That's the state of clamor.

792
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,042
"Slander."

793
00:45:28,125 --> 00:45:31,667
"Well, nice hot fire.

794
00:45:31,750 --> 00:45:36,750
"The coals are burning.

795
00:45:36,833 --> 00:45:39,375
"We need more wood.

796
00:45:39,458 --> 00:45:41,750
"We need more wood.

797
00:45:41,833 --> 00:45:46,875
"My wood alone will not make the
kind of forest fire that I want,

798
00:45:46,958 --> 00:45:53,375
"so I'm going to start talking
about this person who I say

799
00:45:53,458 --> 00:45:57,667
"is responsible for the fire,
because, you know,

800
00:45:57,750 --> 00:46:02,542
"their flint rock collided
against my flint rock.

801
00:46:02,625 --> 00:46:08,708
So, the spark is their
fault--their fault."

802
00:46:08,792 --> 00:46:11,542
Forget the rest of the story,
which is you stacking wood

803
00:46:11,625 --> 00:46:16,500
and blowing and encouraging
and yearning for conflict

804
00:46:16,583 --> 00:46:21,833
and a bigger fire.

805
00:46:21,917 --> 00:46:24,958
"Where can I get some wood?

806
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,125
"I remember that person
doesn't like them.

807
00:46:27,167 --> 00:46:28,750
"I'm going to talk to them.

808
00:46:28,833 --> 00:46:30,958
"You don't like them?
I don't like them either.

809
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:34,042
"You know what they did to me?
They did that to you?

810
00:46:34,125 --> 00:46:36,958
"Come on, bring your wood.
Throw it on my fire.

811
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:40,167
"Do you have any friends
that have been hurt by them?

812
00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:43,375
"Let's go talk to them.
Let's friend them.

813
00:46:43,458 --> 00:46:45,292
"Let's e-mail them.
Let's call them.

814
00:46:45,333 --> 00:46:49,667
"Let's text them.
Let's get together with them.

815
00:46:49,750 --> 00:46:54,250
"Hey, bring your wood!
We got a fire!

816
00:46:54,333 --> 00:46:56,458
"Oh, you don't even know them,

817
00:46:56,500 --> 00:46:58,500
"but somebody did something
similar to you,

818
00:46:58,542 --> 00:47:00,917
"and you're
unforgiving and hurt?

819
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,125
"Well, your wood will burn.
It's dry.

820
00:47:04,167 --> 00:47:07,458
Just throw it on our fire."

821
00:47:07,500 --> 00:47:10,917
That's slander.

822
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:14,750
That's slander.

823
00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,958
"Along with all malice,"

824
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:22,250
that's where it becomes
an uncontained wildfire.

825
00:47:22,333 --> 00:47:29,042
It just goes in any direction,
and consumes any fuel.

826
00:47:29,125 --> 00:47:31,875
This is where whole
families get burned down,

827
00:47:31,958 --> 00:47:34,875
businesses get burned down,
friendships get burned down,

828
00:47:34,958 --> 00:47:36,750
Community Groups
get burned down,

829
00:47:36,833 --> 00:47:41,333
Redemption Groups get burned
down, churches get burned down.

830
00:47:44,333 --> 00:47:48,250
Some years ago, Grace and I
were taking a vacation,

831
00:47:48,333 --> 00:47:50,292
when the kids were younger,
in Central Oregon.

832
00:47:50,333 --> 00:47:52,167
It's desert country.

833
00:47:52,208 --> 00:47:56,375
It's dry.

834
00:47:56,458 --> 00:48:01,000
There was a fire that started.

835
00:48:01,083 --> 00:48:02,750
They're not sure.

836
00:48:02,833 --> 00:48:05,500
They thought maybe a camper
didn't pay attention to their

837
00:48:05,583 --> 00:48:07,833
little fire, or somebody
was driving down the road

838
00:48:07,875 --> 00:48:11,833
and flicked their cigarette
out--just a little spark.

839
00:48:11,917 --> 00:48:13,833
And the fire department
couldn't contain it.

840
00:48:13,917 --> 00:48:16,042
Now it's a raging forest fire.

841
00:48:16,125 --> 00:48:18,458
And it had jumped the line.

842
00:48:18,500 --> 00:48:20,917
It had jumped over
freeways and roads.

843
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:24,500
It was consuming homes
and devastating lives.

844
00:48:24,583 --> 00:48:26,417
And they rerouted
all of the traffic.

845
00:48:26,500 --> 00:48:29,250
And as we're stuck in traffic,
you could just see this

846
00:48:29,333 --> 00:48:33,875
billowing, black smoke
that just covered the sky.

847
00:48:33,958 --> 00:48:36,000
I'm sure whoever
threw the cigarette,

848
00:48:36,042 --> 00:48:38,250
or failed to attend
to their campfire

849
00:48:38,333 --> 00:48:43,167
did not intend
for that.

850
00:48:43,208 --> 00:48:46,792
Bitter people don't intend to
burn down

851
00:48:46,833 --> 00:48:52,667
everything in their path.

852
00:48:52,750 --> 00:48:56,667
But the two options are
bitterness or forgiveness,

853
00:48:56,750 --> 00:49:02,208
wood on the fire,
or water on the fire.

854
00:49:02,292 --> 00:49:08,000
And sometimes, hurt people
like to hurt people.

855
00:49:10,500 --> 00:49:13,250
Some fires move slow.

856
00:49:13,333 --> 00:49:17,292
Some fires move fast.

857
00:49:24,708 --> 00:49:27,833
The Holy Spirit knows what
he's talking about, doesn't he?

858
00:49:27,917 --> 00:49:29,833
This isn't an old Book.

859
00:49:29,917 --> 00:49:36,667
This is a timeless Book,
so it's always timely.

860
00:49:36,708 --> 00:49:42,708
So, what do we do?

861
00:49:42,792 --> 00:49:45,833
Well, forgiven people forgive.

862
00:49:45,875 --> 00:49:51,417
Ephesians 4:30, 32, "Do not
grieve the Holy Spirit of God."

863
00:49:51,500 --> 00:49:53,500
Now, I know immediately
in hearing this,

864
00:49:53,583 --> 00:49:56,500
some of you are like,
"Forgive them?

865
00:49:56,583 --> 00:49:58,625
"That's the water on the fire?

866
00:49:58,667 --> 00:50:02,500
I can't do that.
I won't do that."

867
00:50:02,583 --> 00:50:04,167
Here's the truth.

868
00:50:04,208 --> 00:50:07,333
You can't do that, but by
the power of the Holy Spirit,

869
00:50:07,417 --> 00:50:09,833
you can.

870
00:50:09,917 --> 00:50:12,750
The Holy Spirit is
the third member of the Trinity.

871
00:50:12,833 --> 00:50:15,125
He's the one who empowered
the life of Jesus.

872
00:50:15,167 --> 00:50:17,417
Friends, was Jesus
ever sinned against?

873
00:50:17,500 --> 00:50:19,625
Yes.

874
00:50:19,667 --> 00:50:21,917
Did Jesus ever sin
against anyone?

875
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,625
No.

876
00:50:23,667 --> 00:50:27,667
So, he's the most innocent
victim who has ever lived.

877
00:50:27,708 --> 00:50:30,042
Did Jesus become bitter?

878
00:50:30,125 --> 00:50:31,667
No.

879
00:50:31,750 --> 00:50:33,792
How?

880
00:50:33,833 --> 00:50:35,875
By the power of
the Holy Spirit,

881
00:50:35,958 --> 00:50:38,958
he's able to forgive.

882
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:42,000
Jesus has now sent
the Holy Spirit

883
00:50:42,042 --> 00:50:44,542
to live in his people,

884
00:50:44,625 --> 00:50:48,167
so that we
have access to his power,

885
00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:50,875
so that, rather than reacting
out of our bitterness,

886
00:50:50,958 --> 00:50:55,292
we can be responding
through the Holy Spirit.

887
00:50:55,333 --> 00:51:00,625
It takes a miracle for
a bitter victim to forgive,

888
00:51:00,667 --> 00:51:04,333
and the name of the miracle is
the Holy Spirit.

889
00:51:04,417 --> 00:51:07,750
He is the one who will
allow you, empower you,

890
00:51:07,833 --> 00:51:10,833
enable you to forgive.

891
00:51:10,875 --> 00:51:14,250
And if you resist or quench
him--those two words are used in

892
00:51:14,333 --> 00:51:17,125
Scripture of how we
fight the Holy Spirit

893
00:51:17,167 --> 00:51:20,917
and suppress his ministry--
we grieve the Holy Spirit.

894
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:23,333
The Holy Spirit is not
an impersonal force.

895
00:51:23,375 --> 00:51:25,708
He's a personal God.

896
00:51:25,792 --> 00:51:31,667
He loves you, and he loves them,
and he loves the joy

897
00:51:31,750 --> 00:51:36,875
and the peace that
forgiveness can bring.

898
00:51:36,958 --> 00:51:41,333
And when you fight him,
when you resist him,

899
00:51:41,417 --> 00:51:46,167
when you disobey him,

900
00:51:46,208 --> 00:51:51,583
when you ignore him,
you grieve him.

901
00:51:51,667 --> 00:51:55,167
Friends, sin is not just
breaking God's laws.

902
00:51:55,250 --> 00:52:01,333
It's breaking God's heart,
because God is not just a law.

903
00:52:03,417 --> 00:52:07,208
He's a person.

904
00:52:07,292 --> 00:52:12,833
Are you grieving
the Holy Spirit?

905
00:52:12,917 --> 00:52:16,458
Is there sadness?

906
00:52:16,500 --> 00:52:21,167
Is there grief,

907
00:52:21,208 --> 00:52:26,417
because of you, in him?

908
00:52:30,417 --> 00:52:35,792
It says in Genesis 6 that "The
earth was filled with sin,

909
00:52:35,833 --> 00:52:40,750
and God was grieved in his
heart that he made man."

910
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:47,000
Some of you say,
"But I am hurt."

911
00:52:47,042 --> 00:52:53,375
And the Holy Spirit
would say, "And so am I."

912
00:52:53,458 --> 00:52:55,500
"Do not grieve
the Holy Spirit of God,

913
00:52:55,542 --> 00:52:58,167
by whom you were sealed
for the day of redemption."

914
00:52:58,250 --> 00:53:01,042
Once you become a Christian,
the Holy Spirit is in you,

915
00:53:01,125 --> 00:53:04,750
and he's going to get you
through to the kingdom of God.

916
00:53:04,833 --> 00:53:11,000
So, what do we do?

917
00:53:11,083 --> 00:53:13,708
"Be kind to one another."

918
00:53:13,792 --> 00:53:16,833
You didn't want to
hear that, right?

919
00:53:16,875 --> 00:53:21,000
You didn't want to hear that.

920
00:53:21,083 --> 00:53:26,000
"Tenderhearted," not
hard-hearted--tenderhearted.

921
00:53:26,083 --> 00:53:30,667
Didn't want to hear that.

922
00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:32,667
"Forgiving one another."

923
00:53:32,708 --> 00:53:36,083
Did not want to hear that.

924
00:53:36,167 --> 00:53:40,500
"Why should I forgive them?

925
00:53:40,542 --> 00:53:43,792
Why?"

926
00:53:43,833 --> 00:53:48,250
"Because God in Christ
forgave you."

927
00:53:48,333 --> 00:53:54,667
Forgiven people forgive.

928
00:53:54,708 --> 00:53:57,875
This has more to do
with you and Jesus

929
00:53:57,958 --> 00:54:02,042
than it has to do
with you and them.

930
00:54:02,125 --> 00:54:08,958
They don't deserve it,
and neither did you.

931
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:12,167
That's the gospel,
right, Mars Hill?

932
00:54:12,208 --> 00:54:16,750
That's the gospel.

933
00:54:16,833 --> 00:54:20,500
All of our sin is against God.

934
00:54:20,583 --> 00:54:22,542
The psalmist says this
in Psalm 51:

935
00:54:22,625 --> 00:54:25,667
"Against you only, Lord God,
have I sinned."

936
00:54:25,708 --> 00:54:28,708
All sin that we commit, even if
it's against another person,

937
00:54:28,792 --> 00:54:31,875
it's ultimately against God.

938
00:54:31,958 --> 00:54:34,667
What does God do
in response to our sin?

939
00:54:34,750 --> 00:54:37,833
He doesn't become bitter.

940
00:54:37,917 --> 00:54:42,458
He doesn't attack.

941
00:54:42,500 --> 00:54:47,000
He comes, as the Lord Jesus,
to walk among his enemies,

942
00:54:47,042 --> 00:54:50,542
to live without sin, and to be
sinned against continually.

943
00:54:50,625 --> 00:54:52,792
And Jesus does
the most amazing thing.

944
00:54:52,833 --> 00:54:55,667
He goes to the cross,
and he substitutes himself,

945
00:54:55,750 --> 00:54:59,667
and he dies
in the place of his enemies.

946
00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:02,625
And the theologians will say
that Jesus had seven last words

947
00:55:02,667 --> 00:55:04,833
from the cross--
seven statements.

948
00:55:04,917 --> 00:55:09,333
One of them is this--
Jesus says, "Father"--what?--

949
00:55:09,375 --> 00:55:12,750
"Forgive them."

950
00:55:12,833 --> 00:55:17,833
And then Jesus dies
so that we could be forgiven.

951
00:55:17,917 --> 00:55:19,958
And the Father
is not angry with us;

952
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:21,458
the anger went to Jesus.

953
00:55:21,500 --> 00:55:23,167
The Father does not punish us;

954
00:55:23,208 --> 00:55:25,458
the punishment went to Jesus.

955
00:55:25,500 --> 00:55:27,333
The Father does not condemn us;

956
00:55:27,417 --> 00:55:31,583
the condemnation went to Jesus.

957
00:55:31,667 --> 00:55:38,875
Are you glad that God is not
bitter against you

958
00:55:38,958 --> 00:55:45,667
right now, inventing ways
of doing malice?

959
00:55:45,708 --> 00:55:48,875
It is hypocritical to say,
"God, I am so thankful

960
00:55:48,958 --> 00:55:50,583
"for your forgiveness,

961
00:55:50,667 --> 00:55:54,542
but I refuse to extend that
forgiveness to others."

962
00:55:54,625 --> 00:55:56,958
Because when we do that,
what we're saying is,

963
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,583
"Lord, I know the sins I
have committed against you

964
00:55:59,667 --> 00:56:01,667
"are grievous,

965
00:56:01,708 --> 00:56:04,750
"but the sins that they've
committed against me are worse.

966
00:56:04,833 --> 00:56:07,042
"So, I understand that
you would forgive me,

967
00:56:07,125 --> 00:56:11,458
and I need you to understand
why I would not forgive them."

968
00:56:11,500 --> 00:56:15,875
It's blasphemous.

969
00:56:19,625 --> 00:56:23,958
Let me hit briefly--because
now, many of you will have

970
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:29,625
questions--seven things
that forgiveness is not,

971
00:56:29,667 --> 00:56:32,583
and then seven--or
rather I should say,

972
00:56:32,667 --> 00:56:34,667
seven things that
forgiveness is,

973
00:56:34,708 --> 00:56:37,292
and then we'll hit seven
things that forgiveness is not.

974
00:56:37,333 --> 00:56:40,958
Number one, forgiveness is
canceling a debt owed to you.

975
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,375
"I'm not going to make you pay.

976
00:56:43,458 --> 00:56:47,250
I'm going to let that go
emotionally, relationally."

977
00:56:47,333 --> 00:56:49,500
Jesus tells us
to pray this way:

978
00:56:49,542 --> 00:56:54,667
"God, forgive us our debts
as we forgive our debtors."

979
00:56:54,708 --> 00:57:00,417
Forgiveness is releasing
a debt that is owed to you.

980
00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:03,042
Number two, forgiveness is
removing the control that

981
00:57:03,125 --> 00:57:05,208
the offender has over you.

982
00:57:05,292 --> 00:57:07,667
If you haven't forgiven them,
and you're bitter against them,

983
00:57:07,708 --> 00:57:10,458
then they still control you.

984
00:57:10,500 --> 00:57:14,042
Jesus is not functional,
practical Lord because who you

985
00:57:14,125 --> 00:57:17,833
think you are and how you
respond is largely dictated by

986
00:57:17,875 --> 00:57:21,333
what they've done,
not what he's done.

987
00:57:21,417 --> 00:57:24,458
Number three, forgiveness is
giving a gift to yourself

988
00:57:24,500 --> 00:57:28,917
and to your offender.

989
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:31,250
You can move on.

990
00:57:31,333 --> 00:57:34,000
You can let go of
some of the stress,

991
00:57:34,042 --> 00:57:38,875
some of the anxiety,
some of the haunting.

992
00:57:38,958 --> 00:57:43,667
Number four, forgiveness
is forsaking revenge.

993
00:57:43,708 --> 00:57:47,792
In Romans 12:19, God says,
"Vengeance is mine.

994
00:57:47,833 --> 00:57:50,667
I will repay."

995
00:57:50,750 --> 00:57:55,750
What you're not saying is,
"I am sanctioning injustice,

996
00:57:55,833 --> 00:57:58,792
"but I'm just leaving it in
the hands of the perfect court,

997
00:57:58,833 --> 00:58:03,250
with the perfect Judge."

998
00:58:03,333 --> 00:58:06,750
Number five, forgiveness is
leaving ultimate justice

999
00:58:06,833 --> 00:58:09,750
in God's hands.

1000
00:58:09,833 --> 00:58:12,125
Some of you love justice.

1001
00:58:12,167 --> 00:58:13,708
You should.

1002
00:58:13,792 --> 00:58:15,500
So does God.

1003
00:58:15,583 --> 00:58:20,417
And justice either comes
at the cross or in hell--

1004
00:58:20,500 --> 00:58:23,042
where Jesus died in their place
for their sins,

1005
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:25,667
and they come to repentance
or they don't,

1006
00:58:25,708 --> 00:58:28,167
and they stand before
the Lord Jesus to be sentenced

1007
00:58:28,208 --> 00:58:31,875
to the conscious, eternal
torments of hell forever,

1008
00:58:31,958 --> 00:58:36,292
suffering for what
they have been doing.

1009
00:58:36,333 --> 00:58:40,000
It's leaving the ultimate
justice in God's hands.

1010
00:58:40,042 --> 00:58:42,500
Friends, it came in the past
at the cross

1011
00:58:42,542 --> 00:58:44,542
or it comes in the future
in hell,

1012
00:58:44,625 --> 00:58:48,042
and you're willing
to not seek justice now

1013
00:58:48,125 --> 00:58:50,583
but to leave it in his hands.

1014
00:58:50,667 --> 00:58:53,167
Number six, forgiveness
is an ongoing process.

1015
00:58:53,250 --> 00:58:56,000
You'll forgive them once, but
you may need to forgive them

1016
00:58:56,042 --> 00:58:59,042
again because they do it again,
or maybe the hurt comes back

1017
00:58:59,125 --> 00:59:02,000
afresh, and the old wound
starts bleeding.

1018
00:59:02,083 --> 00:59:05,167
There was a common teaching by
the rabbis in Jesus' day that

1019
00:59:05,208 --> 00:59:07,333
you should forgive someone
two or three times.

1020
00:59:07,417 --> 00:59:08,958
They come to the Lord Jesus.

1021
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,125
They ask him,
"Lord Jesus, how often

1022
00:59:11,167 --> 00:59:12,625
should we forgive our enemy?"

1023
00:59:12,667 --> 00:59:14,042
And he says what?

1024
00:59:14,125 --> 00:59:17,417
"Seventy times seven."

1025
00:59:17,500 --> 00:59:22,042
It's another way of
saying, "Keep forgiving.

1026
00:59:22,125 --> 00:59:25,917
Keep forgiving."

1027
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:29,667
And number seven, forgiveness is
wanting good for your offender.

1028
00:59:29,708 --> 00:59:31,667
You know that, ultimately,
you've forgiven them when

1029
00:59:31,708 --> 00:59:34,167
your hope is that they
come to the Lord Jesus

1030
00:59:34,208 --> 00:59:37,458
and that their future is better
than their past.

1031
00:59:37,500 --> 00:59:40,208
Seven things that
forgiveness is not.

1032
00:59:40,292 --> 00:59:42,208
Forgiveness is not denying that
sin occurred

1033
00:59:42,292 --> 00:59:43,625
or diminishing its evil.

1034
00:59:43,667 --> 00:59:45,458
"Nothing happened.
I don't even remember it.

1035
00:59:45,500 --> 00:59:47,958
It's not a big deal.
That was in the past."

1036
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:49,417
No, it really was horrible.

1037
00:59:49,500 --> 00:59:51,167
God had to die for it.

1038
00:59:51,208 --> 00:59:53,333
It's that big of a deal.

1039
00:59:53,417 --> 00:59:57,000
Number two, forgiveness
is not enabling sin.

1040
00:59:57,083 --> 01:00:02,250
Your spouse is an addict
or a thief or an abuser.

1041
01:00:02,333 --> 01:00:06,333
It's not enabling sin.

1042
01:00:06,375 --> 01:00:09,250
Number three, forgiveness is
not necessarily a response

1043
01:00:09,333 --> 01:00:11,125
to an apology.

1044
01:00:11,167 --> 01:00:12,958
"They never said they're sorry."

1045
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:15,000
They may never
say they're sorry.

1046
01:00:15,083 --> 01:00:17,250
They may never be sorry.

1047
01:00:17,333 --> 01:00:19,542
They may die
without apologizing.

1048
01:00:19,625 --> 01:00:21,333
They may have moved away.

1049
01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:25,250
You may not even
know where they are.

1050
01:00:25,333 --> 01:00:30,417
Forgiveness is not covering up
crimes committed against us.

1051
01:00:30,500 --> 01:00:36,000
I told a woman many, many years
ago--her husband was abusive.

1052
01:00:36,042 --> 01:00:39,875
I said, "You need to forgive
him and call the police."

1053
01:00:39,958 --> 01:00:42,042
"I can't forgive him
and call the police."

1054
01:00:42,125 --> 01:00:45,792
"Yes, you can, because he
has committed a crime."

1055
01:00:45,833 --> 01:00:49,167
Mars Hill, we are not a church
that allows women to be beaten

1056
01:00:49,250 --> 01:00:52,042
or children to be assaulted.

1057
01:00:52,125 --> 01:00:57,375
No, you can forgive someone
and send them to jail.

1058
01:00:57,458 --> 01:01:03,708
If they've committed a crime,
that's what justice requires.

1059
01:01:03,792 --> 01:01:06,417
Number five, forgiveness
is not forgetting.

1060
01:01:06,500 --> 01:01:09,542
Many religious people like
to quote Jeremiah 31:34,

1061
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:12,542
where it says, "I remember
their sins no more."

1062
01:01:12,625 --> 01:01:15,125
And they'll, just with
sort of a pithy lightness

1063
01:01:15,167 --> 01:01:17,458
that's inappropriate,
say things like,

1064
01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:20,417
"Well, God doesn't remember,
and you shouldn't remember.

1065
01:01:20,500 --> 01:01:23,167
You need to just let it
go and forget about it."

1066
01:01:23,208 --> 01:01:26,125
You go, "Really, I--"

1067
01:01:26,167 --> 01:01:27,833
God doesn't
forget anything.

1068
01:01:27,917 --> 01:01:29,333
God is omniscient.

1069
01:01:29,417 --> 01:01:30,917
God is all-knowing.

1070
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:36,042
There's not a list of things
that God used to know.

1071
01:01:36,125 --> 01:01:39,167
What that means is God chooses
not to see our identity in light

1072
01:01:39,250 --> 01:01:42,583
of what we've done, but rather
in light of what Jesus has done,

1073
01:01:42,667 --> 01:01:45,250
and he doesn't interact with us
primarily based upon what

1074
01:01:45,333 --> 01:01:49,667
we've done, but primarily by
what Jesus has done.

1075
01:01:49,750 --> 01:01:52,292
And so to forget is to say,

1076
01:01:52,333 --> 01:01:55,000
"That's not always on
the forefront of my mind,

1077
01:01:55,042 --> 01:01:57,292
"and that's not
how I define you

1078
01:01:57,333 --> 01:02:01,042
and interact with you,
with no hope for you."

1079
01:02:01,125 --> 01:02:05,250
Number six, forgiveness
is not trust.

1080
01:02:05,333 --> 01:02:08,167
Husband commits adultery on
the wife, says he's sorry.

1081
01:02:08,208 --> 01:02:09,958
She says that she forgives him.

1082
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,167
Do they pick up where
they used to be?

1083
01:02:12,208 --> 01:02:16,167
No, because a great withdrawal
has been made from their

1084
01:02:16,208 --> 01:02:17,958
account of trust.

1085
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,625
Trust is gained slowly.

1086
01:02:19,667 --> 01:02:21,458
It's lost quickly.

1087
01:02:21,500 --> 01:02:25,625
Forgiving someone is not
a full return to complete trust

1088
01:02:25,667 --> 01:02:27,833
necessarily with that person.

1089
01:02:27,917 --> 01:02:32,375
And number seven, forgiveness
is not reconciliation.

1090
01:02:32,458 --> 01:02:35,042
It takes one person to repent.

1091
01:02:35,125 --> 01:02:37,083
It takes one person to forgive.

1092
01:02:37,167 --> 01:02:40,667
And then there's reconciliation.

1093
01:02:40,750 --> 01:02:44,000
It takes two people
to reconcile.

1094
01:02:44,042 --> 01:02:46,750
All you can do is
what you can do.

1095
01:02:46,833 --> 01:02:49,583
It's where Paul says elsewhere,
"Insofar as it is possible

1096
01:02:49,667 --> 01:02:52,000
with you, seek to live at
peace with all men."

1097
01:02:52,042 --> 01:02:54,958
What he's saying is,
"Put your hand out.

1098
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:59,250
"Leave it out, and if they don't
respond, you're not reconciled,

1099
01:02:59,333 --> 01:03:01,167
"but you've done what you can,

1100
01:03:01,208 --> 01:03:03,333
and your conscience
should be clear."

1101
01:03:03,417 --> 01:03:06,333
So, forgiveness is not
necessarily reconciliation.

1102
01:03:06,417 --> 01:03:09,167
It's an invitation
to reconciliation.

1103
01:03:09,208 --> 01:03:14,542
That's what it is.

1104
01:03:14,625 --> 01:03:16,958
Two questions in closing.

1105
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:20,042
Are you ready for them?

1106
01:03:20,125 --> 01:03:23,167
Things for you to think about,
talk about with your spouse,

1107
01:03:23,208 --> 01:03:25,167
your roommates,
your Community Group,

1108
01:03:25,208 --> 01:03:27,750
your Redemption Group,
your friends.

1109
01:03:27,833 --> 01:03:31,750
Number one, who do
you need to forgive?

1110
01:03:31,833 --> 01:03:35,083
Who do you need to forgive?

1111
01:03:35,167 --> 01:03:39,000
Because forgiven people forgive.

1112
01:03:39,042 --> 01:03:45,417
Number two,
who needs to forgive you?

1113
01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:50,750
See, when we hear this sermon,
because we tend to be religious

1114
01:03:50,833 --> 01:03:53,250
and self-righteous, we think
of all the people who should

1115
01:03:53,333 --> 01:03:56,333
apologize to us, and we tend not
to think as eagerly about

1116
01:03:56,417 --> 01:03:59,583
all the people that we
need to apologize to.

1117
01:03:59,667 --> 01:04:03,125
Who have you sinned against,
and, if they heard this sermon,

1118
01:04:03,167 --> 01:04:05,750
it would be your face
and your name that would be

1119
01:04:05,833 --> 01:04:09,333
on the forefront of their mind?

1120
01:04:09,417 --> 01:04:15,333
How will you repent,
extend a hand to them?

1121
01:04:19,500 --> 01:04:22,833
I appreciate you letting
me teach you for an hour.

1122
01:04:22,917 --> 01:04:25,542
Some of you will ask, "How
does he have these insights?"

1123
01:04:25,625 --> 01:04:27,958
Because he's a guilty sinner
who has learned some things

1124
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:30,042
the hard way too.

1125
01:04:30,125 --> 01:04:33,167
And I need Jesus, and you
need Jesus, and we need Jesus.

1126
01:04:33,208 --> 01:04:36,667
And the good news is,
in Christ we are forgiven,

1127
01:04:36,750 --> 01:04:41,292
and forgiven people can forgive.

1128
01:04:41,333 --> 01:04:45,167
I want this heaviness
to weigh in the room.

1129
01:04:45,208 --> 01:04:48,083
I don't want, too quickly,
to just move on emotionally

1130
01:04:48,167 --> 01:04:52,000
because it can be
a little awkward.

1131
01:04:52,042 --> 01:04:58,542
I want you to let this
sink into your soul.

1132
01:04:58,625 --> 01:05:00,625
So, I'm going to ask
the financial stewards

1133
01:05:00,667 --> 01:05:03,333
to come forward at this moment,
and we're going to collect

1134
01:05:03,417 --> 01:05:04,958
our tithes and offerings.

1135
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:08,667
And the reason we do this is we
want to see this good news of

1136
01:05:08,708 --> 01:05:11,042
Jesus go out to the world.

1137
01:05:11,125 --> 01:05:12,750
We want our church
to be healthy.

1138
01:05:12,833 --> 01:05:14,458
We want other churches
to be planted.

1139
01:05:14,500 --> 01:05:16,625
We want disciples to be made.

1140
01:05:16,667 --> 01:05:19,333
We know that the world is
filled with sin and death,

1141
01:05:19,417 --> 01:05:23,042
and we know that apart from
Jesus, there really isn't hope

1142
01:05:23,125 --> 01:05:25,458
and help and healing,

1143
01:05:25,500 --> 01:05:28,167
especially that would last
forever.

1144
01:05:28,208 --> 01:05:30,917
So, as you give your tithes
and offerings, let me say,

1145
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:32,792
we love you, we appreciate you.

1146
01:05:32,833 --> 01:05:35,500
And if you'd like to get
connected, or you need help,

1147
01:05:35,542 --> 01:05:39,000
or us to follow up with you,
if you fill out that card,

1148
01:05:39,042 --> 01:05:42,750
then you can let us know how
we can love and serve you.

1149
01:05:42,833 --> 01:05:46,167
In a moment, we are going
to respond, as well,

1150
01:05:46,250 --> 01:05:48,250
by partaking of Communion.

1151
01:05:48,333 --> 01:05:50,583
Let me explain this to you.

1152
01:05:50,667 --> 01:05:52,500
When we partake of Communion,

1153
01:05:52,542 --> 01:05:54,792
we're remembering
the broken body and shed blood

1154
01:05:54,833 --> 01:05:57,042
of Jesus--that we're
not just forgiven,

1155
01:05:57,125 --> 01:06:02,417
we're forgiven through
the death of Jesus Christ.

1156
01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:05,333
All right, he says, "Just as
God in Christ forgave you."

1157
01:06:05,375 --> 01:06:09,167
Apart from Christ, there
is no forgiveness of sin.

1158
01:06:09,208 --> 01:06:11,458
So, if you're here
and you're a non-Christian,

1159
01:06:11,500 --> 01:06:14,542
you are not forgiven unless you
have turned from sin

1160
01:06:14,625 --> 01:06:16,458
and trusted in Christ.

1161
01:06:16,500 --> 01:06:19,458
So, I invite you
to do that right now.

1162
01:06:19,500 --> 01:06:22,667
And for those of you who are
forgiven in Christ--

1163
01:06:22,708 --> 01:06:25,208
you're Christians or you become
Christians today--

1164
01:06:25,292 --> 01:06:27,667
sometimes as we take
and partake of Communion,

1165
01:06:27,708 --> 01:06:29,917
it can be just sort of
a routine.

1166
01:06:30,000 --> 01:06:33,958
Let it, today,
be a ritual where we remember,

1167
01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:36,958
"I'm forgiven through
the broken body

1168
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:39,792
"and the shed blood of Jesus.

1169
01:06:39,833 --> 01:06:45,292
"And his word to me, from his
cross, from his bloodied mouth,

1170
01:06:45,333 --> 01:06:48,333
is 'Father, forgive them.'"

1171
01:06:48,417 --> 01:06:50,333
And as you partake
of Communion,

1172
01:06:50,417 --> 01:06:54,167
you're publicly identifying
that Jesus died for you,

1173
01:06:54,208 --> 01:06:56,750
and that you're forgiven in him.

1174
01:06:56,833 --> 01:07:00,250
And if you are here today with
someone that you're unreconciled

1175
01:07:00,333 --> 01:07:03,167
with, Paul tells the Corinthians
that before we partake of

1176
01:07:03,208 --> 01:07:06,000
Communion, we need to reconcile
with those

1177
01:07:06,083 --> 01:07:07,750
that we are unreconciled with.

1178
01:07:07,833 --> 01:07:10,250
And so, take an opportunity.
Maybe it's someone

1179
01:07:10,333 --> 01:07:12,542
that you came with,
or in the room,

1180
01:07:12,625 --> 01:07:14,250
is here with us today.

1181
01:07:14,333 --> 01:07:16,958
You need to go seek them out,
and you need to,

1182
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:18,542
if not resolve everything here,

1183
01:07:18,625 --> 01:07:21,042
say, "We need to resolve
this, and I'm covenanting

1184
01:07:21,125 --> 01:07:23,042
"in the sight of God
that we will.

1185
01:07:23,125 --> 01:07:25,500
"Let's partake of Communion
together as the beginning of our

1186
01:07:25,583 --> 01:07:31,958
efforts to put some water on
this fire and no more wood."

1187
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:36,750
And lastly, I want you think
about this fact: some of you are

1188
01:07:36,833 --> 01:07:40,542
now going to have the hardest,
most emotionally exhausting,

1189
01:07:40,625 --> 01:07:45,042
difficult conversations
in the history of your life.

1190
01:07:45,125 --> 01:07:48,542
And it also could become
the source

1191
01:07:48,625 --> 01:07:51,875
of the greatest ministry
you've ever had--

1192
01:07:51,958 --> 01:07:55,292
that once you are forgiven
and you can share

1193
01:07:55,333 --> 01:07:58,667
your story of forgiveness and
encourage others to forgive--

1194
01:07:58,750 --> 01:08:03,833
this hard season for you could
be a glorious opportunity.

1195
01:08:03,875 --> 01:08:05,833
And this is the Apostle Paul.

1196
01:08:05,917 --> 01:08:09,250
In Acts 7, it introduces
him before he's a Christian--

1197
01:08:09,333 --> 01:08:12,042
that he is present,
overseeing the murder of

1198
01:08:12,125 --> 01:08:14,083
an early church deacon
named Stephen.

1199
01:08:14,167 --> 01:08:18,000
Stephen loves Jesus,
and Paul hates Jesus,

1200
01:08:18,042 --> 01:08:21,833
so Paul murders
a man who loves Jesus.

1201
01:08:21,917 --> 01:08:24,500
And here's what Stephen,
the early church deacon,

1202
01:08:24,542 --> 01:08:30,667
says as he is dying: "Lord, do
not charge them with this sin."

1203
01:08:32,667 --> 01:08:35,417
Stephen tells Paul,
as he is breathing his last,

1204
01:08:35,500 --> 01:08:37,500
"I forgive you,
and I'm praying that God

1205
01:08:37,583 --> 01:08:39,667
would forgive you as well."

1206
01:08:39,750 --> 01:08:42,917
And Stephen released
the sin against him,

1207
01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:46,167
left it in the hands of God,
wanted good for Saul,

1208
01:08:46,250 --> 01:08:47,875
prayed for him.

1209
01:08:47,958 --> 01:08:49,625
Jesus saved Paul.

1210
01:08:49,667 --> 01:08:52,583
He went from a murderer of
Christians to a pastor of

1211
01:08:52,667 --> 01:08:55,917
Christians, and one who
talks about forgiveness

1212
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:59,125
because he has been forgiven.

1213
01:08:59,167 --> 01:09:01,875
Father God, I pray
for our people.

1214
01:09:01,958 --> 01:09:06,875
Lord God, I pray for those
who have sinned

1215
01:09:06,958 --> 01:09:09,083
to repent and apologize,

1216
01:09:09,167 --> 01:09:12,875
and those who have been
sinned against to forgive.

1217
01:09:12,958 --> 01:09:18,333
God, I know that
when we're hurt,

1218
01:09:18,417 --> 01:09:21,583
we want a big fire.

1219
01:09:21,667 --> 01:09:24,333
We want everybody to see it.

1220
01:09:24,417 --> 01:09:30,500
We want people to walk, gather
around our fire in the darkness,

1221
01:09:30,542 --> 01:09:35,750
so that we might talk to them,
and we might leak and vent

1222
01:09:35,833 --> 01:09:38,292
and gossip with them.

1223
01:09:38,333 --> 01:09:41,083
God, we know that world
is filled with hurting

1224
01:09:41,167 --> 01:09:44,542
and burdened and broken
and bitter people.

1225
01:09:44,625 --> 01:09:47,792
We know, Lord God, that people
are just walking around

1226
01:09:47,833 --> 01:09:52,500
with cords of wood,
just looking for fires.

1227
01:09:52,542 --> 01:09:55,167
And God,
in the age of technology,

1228
01:09:55,250 --> 01:10:01,542
it's more available than ever.

1229
01:10:01,625 --> 01:10:05,083
So, Lord God, I pray for myself,
I pray for us as a church,

1230
01:10:05,167 --> 01:10:07,958
I pray for our families,
and our Community Groups

1231
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:11,167
and our Redemption Groups
and our various locations.

1232
01:10:11,250 --> 01:10:13,292
I pray against the enemy,
his servants,

1233
01:10:13,333 --> 01:10:15,167
their works, and effects.

1234
01:10:15,250 --> 01:10:17,667
I pray against his opportunity
to seek a foothold

1235
01:10:17,750 --> 01:10:20,000
through bitter people.

1236
01:10:20,042 --> 01:10:24,250
Lord God, please send
the Holy Spirit to illuminate

1237
01:10:24,333 --> 01:10:28,875
our understanding and to
empower our relationships.

1238
01:10:28,958 --> 01:10:32,875
And Lord Jesus, we thank
you that we are forgiven,

1239
01:10:32,958 --> 01:10:36,500
and we thank you for the great
invitation to forgive others

1240
01:10:36,583 --> 01:10:38,667
because forgiven people forgive.

1241
01:10:38,750 --> 01:10:41,333
In Jesus' name, amen.

1242
01:10:43,833 --> 01:10:46,750
Each year, over 10 million
Mars Hill church sermons

1243
01:10:46,833 --> 01:10:49,833
are downloaded
worldwide for free.

1244
01:10:49,917 --> 01:10:52,458
This ministry is generously supported

1245
01:10:52,500 --> 01:10:55,083
by Mars Hill church members
and listeners like you.

1246
01:10:55,167 --> 01:10:58,667
If you'd like to support our efforts
to preach Jesus to the world,

1247
01:10:58,708 --> 01:11:01,708
Please consider making
a tax-deductible donation

1248
01:11:01,792 --> 01:11:04,625
by visiting marshill.com/give.