1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 Hi there Mars Hill Church 2 00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:05,000 and the extended family of Mars Hill Global. 3 00:00:05,083 --> 00:00:08,333 I'm pastor Sutton Turner here in Dilla, Ethiopia 4 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:10,292 and I wanted to take a moment and explain 5 00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:14,333 what the extended family of Mars Hill Global is. 6 00:00:14,375 --> 00:00:18,333 I was a podcaster when I was living in the Middle East 7 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:22,125 and consuming those podcasts every week, 8 00:00:22,167 --> 00:00:26,125 participating, really one way, from Mars Hill Church. 9 00:00:26,167 --> 00:00:27,917 I was really a consumer. 10 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,500 So what we're doing is setting up 11 00:00:29,542 --> 00:00:33,167 the extended family of Mars Hill Global and saying, 12 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:39,000 "Come, be a part of what Jesus Christ is doing in and through our church." 13 00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:40,917 So what does Mars Hill Global do? 14 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:46,125 Well, Mars Hill Global is doing and participating in church planting 15 00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:48,417 here in Ethiopia and also in India. 16 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:51,375 Also, we're doing church planting in the United States as well. 17 00:00:51,458 --> 00:00:53,583 We're doing all of that because in Mars Hill Church 18 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,417 we believe that Jesus has called us to make disciples and plant churches. 19 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:02,375 So I want to ask you to be a part. I want to as you to be a part 20 00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:04,208 of the extended family of Mars Hill Global. 21 00:01:04,292 --> 00:01:05,583 Sign up today. 22 00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:08,333 Become a member of the extended family, 23 00:01:08,375 --> 00:01:10,917 start participating online with us, 24 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,500 and let's see what Jesus Christ is going to do, 25 00:01:13,542 --> 00:01:16,500 not only in the United States, but to the ends of the Earth. 26 00:01:17,167 --> 00:01:30,083 [music] 27 00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,833 [Laughing] I'm Joshua. 28 00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:41,625 I'm Spencer. Hey, I'm Jonathan. 29 00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,458 I'm a lawyer, and I'm a mom. 30 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:45,167 I'm a colorist in the fashion industry. 31 00:01:45,208 --> 00:01:46,833 I don't know how to not smile. 32 00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:48,250 I am a strategist. 33 00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:49,750 I work in commercial real estate. 34 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,458 Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out 35 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,958 how to phrase my work. 36 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,167 People are always coming up to me with, like, 37 00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:56,542 creative ideas. 38 00:01:56,625 --> 00:01:59,542 I carry around a baseball that reminds me of my dad. 39 00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:04,167 I lost my home, my car, my retirement. 40 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:07,042 Most days look pretty, kind of crazy. 41 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,708 Being a wholesaler, we have a big warehouse space. 42 00:02:11,792 --> 00:02:13,375 I like to think through things. 43 00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:15,083 I got a tattoo of a tree. 44 00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:16,500 I love--I love that. 45 00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:19,083 Who do you think-- Who do you think you are? 46 00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,125 It's a weird day. 47 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:26,500 In the culture, there's a huge conversation--debate. 48 00:02:26,583 --> 00:02:30,167 Almost every news story is, in some way, connected to it, 49 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:34,917 about issues of sex, and gender, and marriage. 50 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,833 I don't know if you've seen this, perchance; 51 00:02:36,917 --> 00:02:38,958 it's kind of a thing right now. 52 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,042 And meanwhile, in the church, 53 00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:44,208 we gather together as part of the greater culture 54 00:02:44,292 --> 00:02:46,333 with certain agreements and disagreements. 55 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:50,833 And as we come together, we open the Word of God to see if God 56 00:02:50,917 --> 00:02:54,458 would have some timeless truth for our truthless times. 57 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:58,042 And in the providence of God, we at Mars Hill tend to go through 58 00:02:58,125 --> 00:02:59,667 books of the Bible. 59 00:02:59,708 --> 00:03:01,333 We're in the book of Ephesians. 60 00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:02,792 As we're in Ephesians, 61 00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:05,833 this is the 14th sermon of our 16-week study, 62 00:03:05,875 --> 00:03:08,667 asking the question: "Who do you think you are?" 63 00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:10,167 And today, we're going to hit 64 00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:13,167 what is perhaps the most hotly contested, 65 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,000 heatedly debated section in all of Ephesians, 66 00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:17,917 if not the entire New Testament. 67 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:22,000 For some, perhaps the entire Bible. 68 00:03:22,083 --> 00:03:24,333 And the question is this: 69 00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:26,000 should we be talking about gender? 70 00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:27,833 Should we talk about sexuality? 71 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,500 Should we talk about men and women? 72 00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:31,208 Should we talk about marriage? 73 00:03:31,292 --> 00:03:33,542 And if so, should we be God's messengers 74 00:03:33,625 --> 00:03:36,417 or should we be God's editors? 75 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,333 And that's where we find ourselves today. 76 00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:41,833 And some would say, "Let's not talk about these matters. 77 00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:45,458 Let's just talk about Jesus and how much he loves people." 78 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,958 Well, we're going to do both today. 79 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,333 As we examine Ephesians 5:22-33-- 80 00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:54,667 you could find that place in your Bible--the Apostle Paul, 81 00:03:54,708 --> 00:03:58,500 inspired by the Holy Spirit, is going to talk about Jesus' love 82 00:03:58,583 --> 00:04:03,500 for the church and what that means for men and women 83 00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:05,917 in the context of Christian marriage. 84 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,333 And he weds those two concepts together in such a way that you 85 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:13,917 can't separate the love of Jesus from God's intentions 86 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,500 for married couples. 87 00:04:16,542 --> 00:04:20,125 Some of you are going to be very upset and some of you 88 00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:22,667 will be very, very upset. 89 00:04:22,750 --> 00:04:29,375 So read with me in Ephesians 5:22-33. 90 00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:32,625 We're just going to read it and then talk about it. 91 00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:36,958 "Wives"-- what's the word, ladies? 92 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,208 Boy, it didn't take long, did it? 93 00:04:41,292 --> 00:04:44,250 One woman quietly said, "Submit." 94 00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:50,208 So, not arousing, enthusiastic, joy-filled response. 95 00:04:50,292 --> 00:04:53,708 "Wives, submit." 96 00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:56,000 "What does that mean in the Greek, Pastor Mark?" 97 00:04:56,083 --> 00:04:58,542 You can always tell a rebellious Evangelical. 98 00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:00,500 They do word studies. 99 00:05:00,542 --> 00:05:03,000 They try to go to the Greek and figure out 100 00:05:03,042 --> 00:05:05,917 if it perhaps means something else. 101 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,875 I'll just read, OK. 102 00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:11,000 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 103 00:05:11,042 --> 00:05:14,083 For the husband is the"-- men, what's it say?-- 104 00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:17,333 "head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, 105 00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:19,708 "his body, and is himself its Savior. 106 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:22,000 "Now as the church submits to Christ, 107 00:05:22,042 --> 00:05:25,667 so also wives should submit in everything"-- 108 00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:29,625 seems like a lot-- "to their husbands. 109 00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:35,417 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church 110 00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:40,708 "and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, 111 00:05:40,792 --> 00:05:43,667 "having cleansed her by the washing with water 112 00:05:43,708 --> 00:05:45,833 with the word," the Scriptures, 113 00:05:45,917 --> 00:05:49,542 "so that he might present the church to himself 114 00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:53,000 "in splendor, without spot or wrinkle 115 00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:56,542 "or any such thing, that she might be holy 116 00:05:56,625 --> 00:05:58,042 "and without blemish. 117 00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:03,000 "In the same way husbands should love their wives 118 00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:04,708 "as their own bodies. 119 00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:07,625 "He who loves his wife loves himself. 120 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,417 For no one ever hated his own flesh"--or his body-- 121 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:14,208 "but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 122 00:06:14,292 --> 00:06:16,625 because we are members of his body." 123 00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:20,875 He then quotes Genesis 2:24, the first book of the Bible. 124 00:06:20,958 --> 00:06:24,333 Genesis 1 and 2 is before sin entered the world. 125 00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:26,917 It's regarding our first parents, Adam and Eve, 126 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,417 and the first marriage. 127 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:30,667 This is the world as God intended it 128 00:06:30,750 --> 00:06:32,417 before sin corrupted it. 129 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:37,208 He quotes Genesis 2:24, "Therefore a man shall leave 130 00:06:37,292 --> 00:06:39,542 "his father and mother, hold fast to his wife, 131 00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:42,542 and the two shall become one flesh." 132 00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:45,667 This is a verse that Jesus also quotes. 133 00:06:45,708 --> 00:06:48,458 "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers 134 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,208 "to Christ and the church. 135 00:06:50,292 --> 00:06:53,542 "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, 136 00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:58,667 and let the wife see that she respects her husband." 137 00:06:58,708 --> 00:07:05,208 The big idea here is love. Love. Love. 138 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:10,000 Six times in this short section the word "love" is used. 139 00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:14,125 In our culture, love means you get to do whatever you want. 140 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,333 That's not what the Bible means by love. 141 00:07:16,375 --> 00:07:20,333 According to the Bible, love is a great mystery. 142 00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:23,125 Paul's going to use that language here and elsewhere 143 00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:25,417 in the book of Ephesians, and when he does, 144 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,125 what he means is this: something that was previously unknown 145 00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:31,917 has now been made known through Jesus Christ. 146 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,500 The people would use the language of love, 147 00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:37,167 but they would pour into it lots of misunderstanding 148 00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:39,625 and poor meaning. 149 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:42,708 Once Jesus comes, we now see what love is, 150 00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,750 we now know what love is. 151 00:07:44,833 --> 00:07:47,958 Love has not only a definition, but is walking around 152 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,958 as an example. 153 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,250 So, here's the big idea for the Christian: 154 00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:55,333 there is no understanding of love apart from the person 155 00:07:55,417 --> 00:07:57,458 and work of Jesus. 156 00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:00,333 It remains, for many who would still use the word "love," 157 00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:01,917 a great mystery. 158 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,333 They don't really understand what it is, what it means, 159 00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:06,000 what it does. 160 00:08:06,042 --> 00:08:09,292 But those of us who know Jesus, we have the opportunity to see 161 00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:12,833 what love is and to see what love does, because it's a mystery 162 00:08:12,875 --> 00:08:15,500 that's been now made known in Jesus. 163 00:08:15,542 --> 00:08:17,917 And some would say, "Boy, if you're talking about gender, 164 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,667 "and marriage, and sex, and male and female, 165 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,417 that's not very loving." 166 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,625 Some would even say, "That's hateful." 167 00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:29,000 No, it is very loving, and here it's in the context of love-- 168 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,000 of love. 169 00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:35,458 Love as God defines it, love as Jesus reveals it. 170 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,250 And what he says is, when it comes to love, 171 00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:41,333 we must start with not your love for your boyfriend 172 00:08:41,375 --> 00:08:46,000 or girlfriend or friend, or family member or pet, 173 00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:48,708 but start with God's love for us, 174 00:08:48,792 --> 00:08:51,958 the perfect love that God has for us. 175 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,208 It's the pattern and the prototype of the love 176 00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:57,958 that we might have for one another by God's grace. 177 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,375 That's God's love through us to one another. 178 00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:04,208 And so he says that God's love is shown for us 179 00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:06,625 like a bride and a groom. 180 00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,708 So he uses this timeless metaphor. 181 00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:10,708 Have you been to a wedding? 182 00:09:10,792 --> 00:09:13,667 As a pastor, one of the things I really enjoy doing 183 00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:16,875 is officiating weddings for people who love each other. 184 00:09:16,958 --> 00:09:20,208 And it's an amazing moment when the back door of the church 185 00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:22,708 opens and the bride walks in, 186 00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:25,292 and there she is in all of her glory. 187 00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:29,708 I love to see her face and see her joy and her smile 188 00:09:29,792 --> 00:09:31,500 and her hope. 189 00:09:31,583 --> 00:09:34,167 And then I like to turn, and usually the groom 190 00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:35,542 is standing to my left, 191 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:39,042 and I like to see his face as he is seeing her face. 192 00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,333 The joy, the love, the cherishing, the affection, 193 00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:44,250 the devotion that he has for her-- 194 00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:46,958 his face sort of says it all. 195 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,708 What he's saying is that Jesus' love for the church is like 196 00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:53,833 a groom's love for the bride. 197 00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:57,042 It's like a groom's love for the bride. 198 00:09:57,125 --> 00:10:00,042 It's this timeless, amazing, devoted, 199 00:10:00,125 --> 00:10:04,417 perfect commitment, covenant, and affection. 200 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,667 It's why you and I tend to love weddings. 201 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,167 We tend to love great romantic stories. 202 00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:12,708 We love to see people fall in love. 203 00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:16,500 We love to see people stay in love. 204 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,417 And all of that is the heart's yearning for what is ultimately 205 00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:23,042 only possible from Jesus, and that's that never-ending, 206 00:10:23,125 --> 00:10:27,667 perfect, committed, devoted, affectionate love. 207 00:10:27,708 --> 00:10:30,542 And so you need to know this, Mars Hill: Jesus loves 208 00:10:30,625 --> 00:10:33,583 all of his people collectively together as the church, 209 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,667 and it's like a bride and a groom. 210 00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:39,000 Now, in saying that, I know that you ladies will hear, 211 00:10:39,042 --> 00:10:42,042 "Oh, Jesus loves us like a groom loves his bride." 212 00:10:42,125 --> 00:10:45,667 And that'll emotionally be very easy for you to accept because, 213 00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:48,875 as the dad of two little girls, my experience is most 214 00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:51,292 little girls grow up practicing for their wedding, 215 00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:53,250 and they start quite young. 216 00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:56,000 They'll get all dressed up in a sort of wedding gown, 217 00:10:56,042 --> 00:10:58,042 and they're practicing for their wedding 218 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,333 starting at a very young age. 219 00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:01,958 For us men, however, 220 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,250 the metaphor has some complexities, right? 221 00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:07,000 Like, how many of you men, you would say, 222 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:11,833 "Yes, I feel like a bride, and Jesus feels like my husband." 223 00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:13,958 Even the thought of me in a wedding dress, 224 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,958 you're thinking, "That's a lot of alterations 225 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,208 "and I've never seen a wedding dress 226 00:11:18,292 --> 00:11:21,750 with a neck of that capacity." 227 00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:25,833 And so for us men--and I would say the metaphor here is 228 00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:28,208 very helpful for the ladies. 229 00:11:28,292 --> 00:11:31,333 It's like a husband and a wife are pattern and prototypical 230 00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:35,000 of Jesus' love for his church. 231 00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:38,458 For us men, I want you to know that when the Bible speaks of 232 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:42,500 the bride of Christ, it never speaks of an individual person, 233 00:11:42,583 --> 00:11:44,833 but collective and national. 234 00:11:44,917 --> 00:11:46,958 So, the church is like a bride. 235 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,542 Individual men don't relate to Jesus like a wife. 236 00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:55,042 But collectively as a church, we follow, submit to, trust, 237 00:11:55,125 --> 00:12:01,125 enjoy, live life with Jesus like a wife does with a loving, 238 00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:03,417 devoted husband. 239 00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,708 That's the big idea. 240 00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:10,917 Now, what this causes us to understand is that that longing 241 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,417 that we have for a perfect love, an unending love, 242 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,333 a devoted love, a generous love, a sacrificial love, 243 00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:23,167 a humble love is not something that will be met or satisfied by 244 00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:25,708 our horizontal relationships; 245 00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:30,417 it's only possible through our vertical relationship. 246 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:35,500 What I mean is this: only God in Jesus Christ loves perfectly, 247 00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:40,167 loves humbly, loves continually, loves unselfishly, 248 00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:44,042 loves generously all the time without fail. 249 00:12:44,125 --> 00:12:48,958 And as we receive this love from Jesus Christ 250 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,917 and we're part of the collective bride, 251 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,917 the beloved people of Jesus Christ, 252 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,542 we think of the end of time. 253 00:12:57,625 --> 00:13:00,875 Revelation 19 explains the wedding supper of the lamb, 254 00:13:00,958 --> 00:13:04,375 that history will end with a ceremony 255 00:13:04,458 --> 00:13:07,500 where Jesus comes back for his people to love 256 00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:10,125 and bless them and to give them a kingdom home 257 00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:12,333 where they dwell together forever. 258 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,125 We understand that kind of love and affection as we think 259 00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:20,208 biblically, and what that does is it allows us to stop using 260 00:13:20,292 --> 00:13:23,000 people and to start loving them. 261 00:13:23,083 --> 00:13:26,125 And when we're using them, we're often using them for the love 262 00:13:26,167 --> 00:13:29,708 that we're supposed to receive in our relationship from Jesus. 263 00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:32,208 And what oftentimes happens, particularly for those of you 264 00:13:32,292 --> 00:13:35,125 who are single--let me speak momentarily to those 265 00:13:35,167 --> 00:13:36,667 who are single. 266 00:13:36,708 --> 00:13:38,667 For the first time in the nation's history, 267 00:13:38,708 --> 00:13:40,333 the majority of adults are single. 268 00:13:40,417 --> 00:13:42,333 People are waiting longer than ever to marry. 269 00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:44,042 The average woman is about 27, 270 00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:45,833 the average man about 29, 271 00:13:45,917 --> 00:13:47,833 and every few years that goes up 272 00:13:47,917 --> 00:13:50,333 as people are waiting longer to marry. 273 00:13:50,417 --> 00:13:53,750 And what can happen is that you will have a job description 274 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,750 or an expectation of sorts for a relationship 275 00:13:56,833 --> 00:13:59,833 that someone would love you. 276 00:13:59,875 --> 00:14:02,375 You hand it to a friend, and they fail you. 277 00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:05,333 You hand it to a family member, and they fail you. 278 00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:08,125 Or you get married, and you hand it to a spouse, 279 00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:11,125 and they fail you, and there's this deep sense of loss. 280 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:14,208 Well, usually, that's a job description that only Jesus 281 00:14:14,292 --> 00:14:17,917 can fill--that he would never leave you, never forsake you, 282 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,875 that he would never fail you, that he would never disappoint 283 00:14:20,958 --> 00:14:23,625 you, that he would never, in any way, 284 00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:28,125 deal in a way toward you that was anything other than love. 285 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:32,375 And what that does is it turns love into an idol, 286 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,042 and then all of a sudden we're using people so that 287 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,458 we would get that love that we long for. 288 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:40,333 And here's the good news: if that love comes from Jesus, 289 00:14:40,417 --> 00:14:44,042 that longing for love is met, we are loved perfectly. 290 00:14:44,125 --> 00:14:47,208 That allows us to start loving others with the love that we 291 00:14:47,292 --> 00:14:52,208 receive, and it means we don't have to be in a relationship. 292 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,542 We can be single, like Jesus was, 293 00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:57,667 and still satisfy because the loving relationship exists 294 00:14:57,708 --> 00:15:01,083 whether or not we're in a dating relationship. 295 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,417 It means that even when those that we love, 296 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,708 particularly our spouse, they fail us as they will, 297 00:15:05,792 --> 00:15:08,125 our love has not come to an end, 298 00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:10,208 and we're not without love, 299 00:15:10,292 --> 00:15:13,500 and our identity is not one as unloved, or formerly loved, 300 00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:16,333 or previously loved, but one who is perfectly loved 301 00:15:16,375 --> 00:15:19,917 and continually loved and still loved by Jesus. 302 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,667 It frees us up when we know that Jesus loves us. 303 00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:26,667 It frees us up to love him and to love others with 304 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:28,792 the love that he gives. 305 00:15:28,833 --> 00:15:31,917 And this is all encapsulated in Paul's teaching regarding how 306 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,958 Jesus' love for the church is pattern, prototypical, 307 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:40,250 and source for the husband's love for the wife-- 308 00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:42,333 a husband's love for the wife. 309 00:15:42,417 --> 00:15:44,542 So, I want to talk about five ways, 310 00:15:44,625 --> 00:15:46,333 according to the Apostle Paul here, 311 00:15:46,417 --> 00:15:48,542 under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit--five ways 312 00:15:48,625 --> 00:15:50,458 that Jesus loves the church. 313 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,750 He says, "Christ is the head of the church." 314 00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:54,167 He just says it. 315 00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:57,125 So, the first way that Jesus loves us is as our head. 316 00:15:57,167 --> 00:16:00,417 The head is the preeminent. 317 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,667 It's at the proverbial top. 318 00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:05,917 That means that Jesus is in charge. 319 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,083 He's in authority. 320 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,708 For our church family, very practically, 321 00:16:09,792 --> 00:16:12,417 what this means is it doesn't matter what I want, 322 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,500 it doesn't matter what you want, it doesn't matter what we want, 323 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,375 it doesn't even matter if we vote. 324 00:16:17,458 --> 00:16:19,708 The question is, what does he want? 325 00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:21,500 What does Jesus say? 326 00:16:21,542 --> 00:16:24,000 The church belongs to Jesus, 327 00:16:24,042 --> 00:16:28,875 and ultimately it's to be governed by his Word. 328 00:16:28,958 --> 00:16:31,833 If he wants something, then that should be done. 329 00:16:31,875 --> 00:16:36,000 If he doesn't want something, then that shouldn't be done. 330 00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:38,125 And one of the great errors that happens, 331 00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:39,917 particularly among church people, 332 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,500 is they show up and they-- "This is our church. 333 00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:44,917 I gave money," or "I joined. 334 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,917 "I'm a leader. 335 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:51,333 "I now have a right to say what I want and get what I want 336 00:16:51,417 --> 00:16:53,750 because this is my church," or 337 00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:56,542 "I represent a group of people, and this is our church." 338 00:16:56,625 --> 00:16:59,167 No, it's his church, so we've got to keep asking, 339 00:16:59,208 --> 00:17:01,000 "Lord Jesus, what do you want? 340 00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:03,500 "What do you want, because you're the head. 341 00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:05,583 "It's your church. You're the leader. 342 00:17:05,667 --> 00:17:07,708 This is about you." 343 00:17:07,792 --> 00:17:11,417 And as you know, decisions get made in your head, 344 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,667 so Jesus is the one who makes the decisions. 345 00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:15,625 Jesus is the one who leads. 346 00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:17,500 Jesus is the one who is preeminent. 347 00:17:17,583 --> 00:17:20,125 He's prominent. 348 00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:24,708 Furthermore, this means that we follow him, and it means, 349 00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:28,625 as head and leader, he takes responsibility for us. 350 00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:30,917 This is what a leader is, by definition-- 351 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,750 one who takes responsibility. 352 00:17:34,833 --> 00:17:40,208 So for you and I, here's how it works: we sin against God. 353 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:42,958 That's not Jesus' fault; it's our fault. 354 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:46,042 He didn't make us sin; we do. 355 00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:49,042 But he comes into human history and he lives without sin, 356 00:17:49,125 --> 00:17:51,208 the perfect obedient life. 357 00:17:51,292 --> 00:17:53,833 He goes to the cross, and he substitutes himself, 358 00:17:53,917 --> 00:17:56,542 and he dies in our place for our sins. 359 00:17:56,625 --> 00:17:58,708 He pays our debt, 360 00:17:58,792 --> 00:18:02,833 and what he does is he takes responsibility for us. 361 00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:05,125 He takes responsibility for us. 362 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:08,375 So on the cross, Jesus is taking responsibility for things 363 00:18:08,458 --> 00:18:10,625 that are not his fault. 364 00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:12,583 That's what it means to be the head. 365 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:14,792 And this is very important because this language is 366 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:17,125 going to get used elsewhere in the New Testament 367 00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:21,333 to talk about husbands and their families 368 00:18:21,375 --> 00:18:23,208 and fathers and their children. 369 00:18:23,292 --> 00:18:25,625 And that in every way, 370 00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:29,208 to be a headman is to be a man who is trying to, 371 00:18:29,292 --> 00:18:32,000 by the grace of God, be like Jesus, 372 00:18:32,042 --> 00:18:36,250 taking responsibility, whether or not it's your fault. 373 00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:39,333 So, Jesus takes responsibility for us as head. 374 00:18:39,417 --> 00:18:43,167 Number two, another way that he loves us, we are told, 375 00:18:43,208 --> 00:18:48,208 is as Savior--that he is Savior of the church. 376 00:18:48,292 --> 00:18:50,833 And what this means, friends, is that we are sinners 377 00:18:50,917 --> 00:18:52,542 and we need a Savior. 378 00:18:52,625 --> 00:18:54,458 We're not good people getting better; 379 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,708 we're bad people getting worse. 380 00:18:56,792 --> 00:19:00,833 This means that we cannot save ourselves. 381 00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:03,333 This means that religions do not save, 382 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:06,417 and philosophies do not save, and spirituality does not save, 383 00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,792 and morality does not save--that we need someone apart from 384 00:19:09,833 --> 00:19:13,500 the system, someone who is unstained and untainted by sin, 385 00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:17,292 someone who is perfect to enter in and to save us, 386 00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:19,000 to come as a rescuer. 387 00:19:19,083 --> 00:19:21,500 And almost every blockbuster film 388 00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:24,000 has some sort of savior figure. 389 00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:26,708 There's a crisis and doom is impending, 390 00:19:26,792 --> 00:19:29,083 and someone comes from the outside, 391 00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:31,417 and they are the hero who saves the day. 392 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:36,250 That story, that longing that so many cultural narratives 393 00:19:36,333 --> 00:19:40,625 borrow, is really the great, epic story line of the Bible--that 394 00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:45,667 God comes in on a rescue mission to save--to save us from sin, 395 00:19:45,708 --> 00:19:48,333 to save us from death, to save us from hell, 396 00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:50,708 to save us from Satan and demons, 397 00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:52,958 to save us from the wrath of God. 398 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,542 And so this is good news for us, and it shows how much Jesus 399 00:19:56,625 --> 00:20:01,208 loves us because it means that we can live with hope. 400 00:20:01,292 --> 00:20:03,833 We don't have to look at our lives and say, 401 00:20:03,917 --> 00:20:06,917 "Who I was is who I am and who I'll always be. 402 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,917 There's no hope or change for me." 403 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,333 "No, a Savior's come 404 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,750 "and he saved me from my old way of life. 405 00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:15,167 "He saved me to a new way of life. 406 00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:18,167 "This Savior changes who I am, gives me a new identity, 407 00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:20,625 and he determines for me a new destiny." 408 00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:22,458 So, there's hope. 409 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:25,250 We don't need now to just blame others or excuse ourselves 410 00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:29,250 or accept ourselves or love ourselves because Jesus 411 00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:32,167 comes to save as Savior. 412 00:20:32,208 --> 00:20:34,500 And number two, friends, what this means is that 413 00:20:34,542 --> 00:20:36,458 there's only one Savior. 414 00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,250 There's not a bunch of paths that lead to God. 415 00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,792 Different roads go to different places. 416 00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:45,042 As it is the physical world, so it is in the spiritual world. 417 00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:46,875 Jesus says in John 14:6, 418 00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:48,875 "I'm the way, the truth, and the life." 419 00:20:48,958 --> 00:20:50,583 It's all singular and exclusive. 420 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,958 "No one comes to the Father but by me." 421 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,958 He alone is Savior. He alone is Savior. 422 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,792 He says that he has come to seek and save those who are lost. 423 00:20:59,833 --> 00:21:02,833 That's us. That's us. 424 00:21:02,917 --> 00:21:05,542 Do you know Jesus as Savior? 425 00:21:05,625 --> 00:21:07,417 Have you received his love? 426 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,167 Do you understand that as head, 427 00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:11,333 he's taken responsibility for your sin, 428 00:21:11,417 --> 00:21:15,458 and as Savior he is glad to save you from the consequences-- 429 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:19,708 even the eternal consequences--of your sin? 430 00:21:19,792 --> 00:21:24,750 All of this is demonstrations of Jesus' affection. 431 00:21:24,833 --> 00:21:26,667 Number three, as giver. 432 00:21:26,708 --> 00:21:28,167 That's one way that he loves. 433 00:21:28,208 --> 00:21:29,958 It says that Christ loved the church 434 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,750 and he gave himself up for her. 435 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:35,458 Our world knows nothing of this. 436 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:37,833 We live in an entitlement culture where people 437 00:21:37,917 --> 00:21:40,250 are far more concerned about their rights than their 438 00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:43,167 responsibilities, far more attuned to what they believe 439 00:21:43,208 --> 00:21:48,125 they should receive than what they should give. 440 00:21:48,167 --> 00:21:52,625 Perhaps the younger you are, the worse it is. 441 00:21:52,667 --> 00:21:56,333 We don't live in a world that is marked by generosity. 442 00:21:56,417 --> 00:21:58,750 We just don't. 443 00:21:58,833 --> 00:22:00,333 We just don't. 444 00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:05,917 The truth is, you can easily ascertain who or what you love 445 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,500 by just following your money. 446 00:22:09,542 --> 00:22:12,000 Jesus says this elsewhere: "Where your treasure is, 447 00:22:12,042 --> 00:22:14,000 there your heart is." 448 00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:17,167 If I, for example, go to a man's home--let's say he's married and 449 00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:20,917 has three kids--and I pull up, and there's a huge bass boat 450 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,833 and ATVs and hunting and fishing gear 451 00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:25,917 and new golf clubs and a golf cart, 452 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,500 and the house is falling apart, 453 00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:29,625 and the wife is driving a beater car, 454 00:22:29,667 --> 00:22:32,333 and I walk in and the kids are wearing threadbare clothes, 455 00:22:32,375 --> 00:22:36,667 I know exactly who and what he Loves. And I know exactly who 456 00:22:36,708 --> 00:22:38,917 and what he doesn't love. 457 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,417 And he could tell me, "Oh, I love my family." 458 00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:43,750 No, you don't. Follow the money. 459 00:22:43,833 --> 00:22:45,625 Follow the money. 460 00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:48,250 You love yourself, you love your hobbies, you love your toys. 461 00:22:48,333 --> 00:22:51,417 You don't love your wife and you don't love your kids. 462 00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:54,917 You don't because love is not just what we feel; 463 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,750 love is a commitment that compels us to act, 464 00:22:58,833 --> 00:23:01,625 and part of that action is giving. 465 00:23:01,667 --> 00:23:03,167 It's generosity. 466 00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:05,833 What do you give your time to? 467 00:23:05,875 --> 00:23:08,125 That shows us who or what you love. 468 00:23:08,167 --> 00:23:09,833 What do you give your energy to? 469 00:23:09,875 --> 00:23:11,833 That shows us who or what you love. 470 00:23:11,875 --> 00:23:13,500 What do you give your possessions to? 471 00:23:13,583 --> 00:23:15,500 That shows us who or what you love. 472 00:23:15,583 --> 00:23:17,292 What do you give your wealth to? 473 00:23:17,333 --> 00:23:21,667 That shows us who or what you love--who or what you love. 474 00:23:21,750 --> 00:23:25,208 Jesus loves the church. 475 00:23:25,292 --> 00:23:29,292 Mars Hill, this is so incredibly significant. 476 00:23:29,333 --> 00:23:33,708 Whatever cause you're into, in 2,000 years it will be over. 477 00:23:33,792 --> 00:23:35,917 Whatever organization you are committed to, 478 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,250 in 2,000 years it will be over. 479 00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:40,542 Whatever nation you were a citizen of, 480 00:23:40,625 --> 00:23:42,750 in 2,000 years it will be over. 481 00:23:42,833 --> 00:23:45,458 But if Jesus has not returned in 2,000 years, 482 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:48,167 there will still be the church of Jesus Christ. 483 00:23:48,208 --> 00:23:50,542 We've been going for thousands of years. 484 00:23:50,625 --> 00:23:53,125 We're the biggest thing that's ever been. 485 00:23:53,167 --> 00:23:56,417 More nations, more cultures, more countries, more languages, 486 00:23:56,500 --> 00:24:01,292 more people part of the movement of Christianity 487 00:24:01,333 --> 00:24:03,625 than anything in world history. 488 00:24:03,667 --> 00:24:05,833 And it's not because we're smart, because we're not. 489 00:24:05,875 --> 00:24:07,417 It's not because we're well organized, 490 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:08,917 because we're not. 491 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,208 It's not because we're always doing a great job, 492 00:24:11,292 --> 00:24:12,667 because we're not. 493 00:24:12,750 --> 00:24:14,708 It's because Christ loved the church 494 00:24:14,792 --> 00:24:16,625 and he gave himself up for her. 495 00:24:16,667 --> 00:24:19,125 Just like a husband loves his wife and keeps giving 496 00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:22,208 of himself, Jesus keeps giving of himself. 497 00:24:22,292 --> 00:24:24,625 The resurrected, living, loving Lord Jesus, 498 00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:26,792 he keeps giving of himself to the church. 499 00:24:26,833 --> 00:24:28,833 Give yourself--here's what I'm going to tell you-- 500 00:24:28,875 --> 00:24:32,917 give yourself to what Jesus gave himself to, the church. 501 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,458 Give your money to the church. 502 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:35,958 Give your heart to the church. 503 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,458 Give your time to the church. 504 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:39,208 Give your life to the church. Why? 505 00:24:39,292 --> 00:24:41,667 Because it's what Jesus gave himself to. 506 00:24:41,708 --> 00:24:44,417 Some of you say, "Oh, see it's all about the money." 507 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:46,833 No, it's really not. It's about the love. 508 00:24:46,917 --> 00:24:51,333 Jesus is a giver, and when you and I learn to be givers, 509 00:24:51,417 --> 00:24:53,167 it transforms our whole life. 510 00:24:53,208 --> 00:24:56,250 If you're a giver, you're a better friend. 511 00:24:56,333 --> 00:24:58,333 If you're a giver, you're a better spouse. 512 00:24:58,417 --> 00:25:00,500 If you're a giver, you're a better parent. 513 00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:02,208 Why? 514 00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:05,667 Because then you're able to give your heart, to give your time, 515 00:25:05,750 --> 00:25:09,333 to give your possessions, to give your wealth, 516 00:25:09,375 --> 00:25:14,500 and you'll stop loving things and using people, 517 00:25:14,583 --> 00:25:18,000 and you'll start loving people by using things 518 00:25:18,083 --> 00:25:21,417 to demonstrate love to them. 519 00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:24,625 We can't do it now; we don't have enough time. 520 00:25:24,667 --> 00:25:26,583 It would take the rest of our lives, 521 00:25:26,667 --> 00:25:29,167 so I'll give it to you as a homework assignment. 522 00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:32,000 But think about it--what do you have that has been given 523 00:25:32,083 --> 00:25:35,000 to you by Jesus? 524 00:25:35,083 --> 00:25:37,042 The earth is a gift. 525 00:25:37,125 --> 00:25:38,458 Human life is a gift. 526 00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:41,667 The fact that we're made in his image and likeness is a gift. 527 00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,042 His righteousness is a gift. 528 00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:44,458 Salvation is a gift. 529 00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:46,167 Forgiveness of sins, well, that's a gift. 530 00:25:46,208 --> 00:25:48,208 Eternal life, the kingdom of God, the Bible, 531 00:25:48,292 --> 00:25:51,417 brothers and sisters-- it's all a gift. 532 00:25:51,500 --> 00:25:53,167 It's all a gift. 533 00:25:53,208 --> 00:25:58,958 It's all a gift, and Jesus loves us by giving to us. 534 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,208 Fourth, he loves us as sanctifier and cleanser. 535 00:26:03,292 --> 00:26:10,125 What this means is that we are dirty, and we are defiled, 536 00:26:10,167 --> 00:26:12,292 and we are unclean, 537 00:26:12,333 --> 00:26:14,125 and that's the result of our sin. 538 00:26:14,167 --> 00:26:16,833 And religion would say, "You better get yourself cleaned up 539 00:26:16,875 --> 00:26:18,792 "and present yourself to God. 540 00:26:18,833 --> 00:26:21,000 "Don't approach God all dirty like that. 541 00:26:21,083 --> 00:26:23,125 "Get yourself cleaned up. 542 00:26:23,167 --> 00:26:26,167 Make some changes in your life." 543 00:26:26,250 --> 00:26:30,000 Jesus would invite you to come as you are, and then he'll 544 00:26:30,042 --> 00:26:32,708 love you so that you don't stay as you are. 545 00:26:32,792 --> 00:26:35,250 He's going to clean you up. 546 00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:36,750 He's going to clean you up. 547 00:26:36,833 --> 00:26:39,125 Trying to clean yourself up before coming to Jesus-- 548 00:26:39,167 --> 00:26:41,750 that's like taking a bath before you take a shower. 549 00:26:41,833 --> 00:26:43,333 It doesn't make any sense. 550 00:26:43,417 --> 00:26:45,000 It's not really needed. 551 00:26:45,083 --> 00:26:46,833 I'll give you an example of this. 552 00:26:46,875 --> 00:26:49,125 Any of you mothers of young children? 553 00:26:49,167 --> 00:26:52,625 OK, you can always tell who the mother of a child is, 554 00:26:52,667 --> 00:26:54,208 particularly a young child. 555 00:26:54,292 --> 00:26:56,833 And for those of you who are single or you're married 556 00:26:56,917 --> 00:27:01,625 and childless, children are filled with fluids, 557 00:27:01,667 --> 00:27:06,417 all of which are terrible, OK? 558 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,708 And the children are like sprinklers. 559 00:27:08,792 --> 00:27:11,333 At various points, without any warning, 560 00:27:11,375 --> 00:27:15,625 fluids will just emerge unexpectedly 561 00:27:15,667 --> 00:27:20,125 in very impressive quantity. 562 00:27:20,167 --> 00:27:22,500 You're like, "I have a 13-year-old child filled with 563 00:27:22,542 --> 00:27:25,417 11 pounds of snot." 564 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,083 It's amazing what comes out of a small child, right? 565 00:27:28,167 --> 00:27:29,625 Have you seen this? 566 00:27:29,667 --> 00:27:32,625 As the father of five kids, I can assure you of this. 567 00:27:32,667 --> 00:27:36,750 They will sneeze, and they have no self-control or awareness, 568 00:27:36,833 --> 00:27:43,458 and they'll just blow snot across the room like-- 569 00:27:43,500 --> 00:27:46,917 it's gross. 570 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,542 It just is. 571 00:27:49,625 --> 00:27:51,917 And sometimes, they will throw up. 572 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,750 Have you seen a baby? 573 00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:56,417 They don't have really that ability to slow it down. 574 00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:57,833 They just go with it. 575 00:27:57,917 --> 00:27:59,667 There's no resistance. 576 00:27:59,708 --> 00:28:03,125 And they will throw up across the whole room, 577 00:28:03,167 --> 00:28:05,000 like all over everything. 578 00:28:05,083 --> 00:28:06,917 It looks like a crime scene. 579 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,167 It looks like someone was murdered, you know? 580 00:28:09,250 --> 00:28:12,375 There's just--it's gross. 581 00:28:12,458 --> 00:28:15,917 And have you ever seen a baby have a blow out? 582 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,500 Have you heard of that term? 583 00:28:18,583 --> 00:28:22,625 I won't name the son, but I had a son 584 00:28:22,667 --> 00:28:26,792 that used to poop his neck. 585 00:28:26,833 --> 00:28:29,000 Some of you say, "How could he do that?" 586 00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:31,125 I don't know. 587 00:28:31,167 --> 00:28:33,333 The physics don't add up. 588 00:28:33,417 --> 00:28:37,625 The pounds per square inch is more than an air compressor 589 00:28:37,667 --> 00:28:39,708 is capable of. 590 00:28:39,792 --> 00:28:41,958 I don't understand. 591 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:45,333 Like, you pooped your neck. 592 00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:48,833 Like, that's like a crazy jump shot. 593 00:28:48,917 --> 00:28:51,667 I don't even know how you did that. 594 00:28:51,708 --> 00:28:56,333 But it'll come out of the baby at such a, 595 00:28:56,417 --> 00:28:59,000 like a, horrific speed 596 00:28:59,083 --> 00:29:05,000 that it sort of bounces off the diaper and then slingshots 597 00:29:05,083 --> 00:29:06,625 up to the child's neck. 598 00:29:06,667 --> 00:29:09,292 And I'm holding the kid like, "That's amazing." 599 00:29:09,333 --> 00:29:12,625 Now--and gross. 600 00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:17,000 Now, let's say, for example, you have four babies. 601 00:29:17,083 --> 00:29:19,500 Let's say moms are having a little Bible study 602 00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:21,917 or play date and there's four cute little babies 603 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,625 sitting on the ground, 604 00:29:23,667 --> 00:29:27,875 and one has a blow up or throw up or booger up, 605 00:29:27,958 --> 00:29:31,083 or whatever it is, and something happens. 606 00:29:31,167 --> 00:29:33,833 Let's say, then, one of the four women runs toward 607 00:29:33,917 --> 00:29:37,333 the baby smiling. 608 00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:38,958 "Oh, I'm so sorry. 609 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,542 Let me help you." 610 00:29:40,625 --> 00:29:45,000 We know that that woman is the mother, right? 611 00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:47,458 We know for a fact, right? 612 00:29:47,500 --> 00:29:49,917 We know for a fact who the mom is. 613 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,208 You ever seen this on a plane? 614 00:29:52,292 --> 00:29:54,958 I've had a kid on a plane with a blow out, 615 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,958 and there weren't a bunch of people running, 616 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,333 "Oh, can I get it?" 617 00:29:58,417 --> 00:30:00,708 Never seen that, right? 618 00:30:00,792 --> 00:30:03,458 They're looking at you like, "Put him in the overhead bin. 619 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:05,250 Put him in the overhead bin." Right? 620 00:30:05,333 --> 00:30:10,750 So, you can tell who the parent is because they're the one 621 00:30:10,833 --> 00:30:14,708 who lovingly is there to clean it up. 622 00:30:14,792 --> 00:30:16,333 So it is with Jesus, right? 623 00:30:16,417 --> 00:30:18,458 We're the children of God. 624 00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:20,750 "Man, I got it all over me again. 625 00:30:20,833 --> 00:30:22,167 "It's up my neck. 626 00:30:22,208 --> 00:30:23,750 Oh gosh," you know? 627 00:30:23,833 --> 00:30:25,958 Like, and Jesus doesn't, "Oh my gosh!" 628 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,708 No, he draws near. 629 00:30:27,792 --> 00:30:29,250 God comes into human history. 630 00:30:29,333 --> 00:30:30,958 He's willing to get his hands dirty. 631 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,167 He's willing to clean you up and love you, 632 00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:35,167 and "Yeah, you threw up on yourself again. 633 00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:36,833 Stop drinking." You know? 634 00:30:36,917 --> 00:30:38,250 And he's there to help. 635 00:30:38,333 --> 00:30:41,750 He's there to help because he's Sanctifier and Cleanser. 636 00:30:41,833 --> 00:30:43,875 That's loving, isn't it? 637 00:30:43,958 --> 00:30:45,667 If you're here today and you're like, 638 00:30:45,708 --> 00:30:47,583 "Yeah, I'm really sitting in it." 639 00:30:47,667 --> 00:30:49,500 And the people around us can tell. 640 00:30:49,542 --> 00:30:51,667 "Yeah man, you're really sitting in it today." 641 00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:53,167 Jesus is sanctifier and cleanser. 642 00:30:53,208 --> 00:30:55,083 He's there to clean you up and help. 643 00:30:55,167 --> 00:30:56,583 He's there to help. 644 00:30:56,667 --> 00:30:59,042 And then lastly, he's nourisher and cherisher. 645 00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:04,500 This language of loving a woman like Jesus loves the church, 646 00:31:04,583 --> 00:31:06,833 a lot of it's about cherishing and nourishing. 647 00:31:06,917 --> 00:31:12,042 Have you seen a woman who's unloved in a marriage? 648 00:31:12,125 --> 00:31:14,833 Have you seen a woman who is loved in a marriage? 649 00:31:14,917 --> 00:31:17,625 Have you seen a woman who's not cherished by her husband 650 00:31:17,667 --> 00:31:19,833 and a woman who is cherished by her husband? 651 00:31:19,917 --> 00:31:22,333 Life's different for them, isn't it? 652 00:31:22,375 --> 00:31:24,750 Proverbs says there--I think it is--there are seven things 653 00:31:24,833 --> 00:31:27,000 that are so magnificent that the world 654 00:31:27,083 --> 00:31:29,208 cannot endure under them. 655 00:31:29,292 --> 00:31:32,042 One of them is an unloved wife. 656 00:31:32,125 --> 00:31:35,667 Just, the earth collapses under the pressure of that weight, 657 00:31:35,708 --> 00:31:38,500 that tragic failure. 658 00:31:38,583 --> 00:31:42,833 When a woman is cherished over time, decades, 659 00:31:42,917 --> 00:31:45,958 she flourishes and blossoms. 660 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,333 So it is with the church and God's people individually. 661 00:31:49,417 --> 00:31:54,458 Jesus cherishes his people like a good husband adores his wife, 662 00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:59,208 and he nourishes his people like Jesus nourishes, encourages, 663 00:31:59,292 --> 00:32:04,125 builds up the church. 664 00:32:04,167 --> 00:32:07,875 Now, this is super helpful once we realize how Jesus loves us, 665 00:32:07,958 --> 00:32:10,667 and this is the foundation of what we believe as Christians. 666 00:32:10,750 --> 00:32:12,500 There was a theologian. 667 00:32:12,542 --> 00:32:14,208 He's not one I'm particularly fond of. 668 00:32:14,292 --> 00:32:16,125 His name was Karl Barth. 669 00:32:16,167 --> 00:32:19,208 But they asked him one time at the end of his life, 670 00:32:19,292 --> 00:32:22,125 "So, summarize everything you've learned about Christianity 671 00:32:22,167 --> 00:32:23,625 and Jesus." 672 00:32:23,667 --> 00:32:28,500 He said, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." 673 00:32:28,583 --> 00:32:32,125 Christianity really is about open the Scriptures 674 00:32:32,167 --> 00:32:33,833 and learn about the love of Jesus. 675 00:32:33,917 --> 00:32:36,958 That's the bottom line of what we believe. 676 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:40,958 Once we understand how Jesus loves us, 677 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,500 that then frees us up to be single like Jesus, 678 00:32:44,583 --> 00:32:49,417 if we're not yet to be married or if ever to be married. 679 00:32:49,500 --> 00:32:52,167 It also, if we are to be married, 680 00:32:52,208 --> 00:32:54,667 sets the precedent and pattern for how our marriage 681 00:32:54,708 --> 00:32:56,333 is to be organized. 682 00:32:56,417 --> 00:32:58,750 And again, in our day, lots of, sort of, 683 00:32:58,833 --> 00:33:01,500 I would say, "cowardly Christians" would say, 684 00:33:01,583 --> 00:33:04,333 "Let's talk about Jesus' love but not about marriage 685 00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:06,208 and relationships." 686 00:33:06,292 --> 00:33:08,917 Paul says, "I have to put them together because they are 687 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:14,625 inextricably connected and one affects the other intimately." 688 00:33:14,667 --> 00:33:20,333 Here, we learn that marriage is for a man and a woman. 689 00:33:20,375 --> 00:33:22,000 Now we're in the controversy. 690 00:33:22,083 --> 00:33:24,000 It didn't take long. 691 00:33:24,083 --> 00:33:27,500 It didn't take long. 692 00:33:27,542 --> 00:33:31,417 Even saying "man and woman," we're into another controversy. 693 00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:33,958 See, the Bible says, Genesis 1:27, 694 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,250 "God made us male and female." 695 00:33:36,333 --> 00:33:41,542 The culture does not teach that we have sexual identity, 696 00:33:41,625 --> 00:33:46,333 male and female, but that God made us as persons, 697 00:33:46,417 --> 00:33:49,542 and then we get to construct gender. 698 00:33:49,625 --> 00:33:52,917 We get to decide if we're male or female. 699 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:54,833 We get to live out of whatever identity 700 00:33:54,917 --> 00:33:57,250 we choose for ourselves. 701 00:33:57,333 --> 00:34:01,833 And the result is, it affects how we see gender roles, 702 00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:04,000 it affects how we see marriage roles, 703 00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,333 it affects how we see sexual roles. 704 00:34:06,375 --> 00:34:08,708 It affects everything. 705 00:34:08,792 --> 00:34:11,833 And this is because Christians and non-Christians don't come to 706 00:34:11,875 --> 00:34:13,625 different conclusions. 707 00:34:13,667 --> 00:34:15,208 It's deeper than that. 708 00:34:15,292 --> 00:34:17,167 They have different minds. 709 00:34:17,250 --> 00:34:19,583 The Christian mind does not think as God thinks-- 710 00:34:19,667 --> 00:34:21,833 or excuse me-- the non-Christian mind 711 00:34:21,875 --> 00:34:23,792 does not think as God thinks. 712 00:34:23,833 --> 00:34:26,083 The Christian mind that is washed in the Scriptures 713 00:34:26,167 --> 00:34:28,833 and informed by the Scriptures, it thinks as God thinks. 714 00:34:28,875 --> 00:34:30,917 So, they think differently, so they come to 715 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:32,500 different conclusions. 716 00:34:32,583 --> 00:34:34,667 And it shouldn't be shocking to us when Christians 717 00:34:34,708 --> 00:34:36,333 and non-Christians disagree about 718 00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:38,250 gender versus sexual identity 719 00:34:38,333 --> 00:34:39,833 versus marriage and sexual activity. 720 00:34:39,917 --> 00:34:41,333 Why? 721 00:34:41,375 --> 00:34:43,333 Because we disagree on all kinds of things. 722 00:34:43,375 --> 00:34:46,042 This is just one other thing to put on the list. 723 00:34:46,125 --> 00:34:48,833 But we do see here that it's male and female, 724 00:34:48,875 --> 00:34:52,458 and that constitutes marriage, and that was created by God, 725 00:34:52,500 --> 00:34:55,750 and he quotes Genesis 2, and it's supposed to be a process 726 00:34:55,833 --> 00:34:58,417 where a man leaves his mother and father, marries his wife, 727 00:34:58,500 --> 00:35:00,292 and then consummates his covenant. 728 00:35:00,333 --> 00:35:01,833 The two become one flesh. 729 00:35:01,875 --> 00:35:03,208 Paul quotes it here. 730 00:35:03,292 --> 00:35:04,625 Jesus quotes it as well. 731 00:35:04,667 --> 00:35:06,625 That's the way it was in the beginning. 732 00:35:06,667 --> 00:35:08,125 That's the way God intended it. 733 00:35:08,167 --> 00:35:10,917 Some of you say, "That's very controversial." 734 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:16,083 Just keep reading the book, almost everything else is. 735 00:35:16,167 --> 00:35:20,875 The question is, will we be God's messenger or God's editor? 736 00:35:24,083 --> 00:35:26,375 Before you leave--and I know this sermon will probably 737 00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:32,333 cost me hundreds of people-- consider, with me, 738 00:35:32,375 --> 00:35:34,167 what the Bible has to say. 739 00:35:34,208 --> 00:35:36,625 And I would submit to you that in our day, 740 00:35:36,667 --> 00:35:39,917 things are not going well. 741 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,042 And for us, we would say that there are 742 00:35:43,125 --> 00:35:45,833 two basic perspectives. 743 00:35:45,917 --> 00:35:49,250 One is called egalitarianism, and that is that a husband 744 00:35:49,333 --> 00:35:51,667 or a wife can lead the family, 745 00:35:51,708 --> 00:35:54,167 and a pastor can be a man or a woman. 746 00:35:54,208 --> 00:35:56,417 That's egalitarianism. 747 00:35:56,500 --> 00:35:59,125 Conversely, there's something called complementarianism, 748 00:35:59,167 --> 00:36:02,417 and that is that the husband is to lovingly, humbly, like Jesus, 749 00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:05,167 be the leader of his family, the head, 750 00:36:05,250 --> 00:36:07,667 and that only a qualified man should be a pastor 751 00:36:07,750 --> 00:36:09,375 in the church. 752 00:36:09,458 --> 00:36:12,417 The role of deacons and other roles can be held by godly, 753 00:36:12,500 --> 00:36:14,500 qualified women. 754 00:36:14,542 --> 00:36:17,000 And at Mars Hill, we believe that there are closed-handed 755 00:36:17,083 --> 00:36:19,875 issues that all Christians must agree to to be Christian. 756 00:36:19,958 --> 00:36:22,417 We also believe there are open-handed issues that people 757 00:36:22,500 --> 00:36:25,833 who are Christians can disagree on and still be Christians. 758 00:36:25,875 --> 00:36:28,208 Some will say that Christians disagree about 759 00:36:28,292 --> 00:36:29,875 all kinds of things. 760 00:36:29,958 --> 00:36:31,417 We don't, actually. 761 00:36:31,500 --> 00:36:33,625 We believe there's one God, three persons, Father, Son, 762 00:36:33,667 --> 00:36:36,125 and Holy Spirit, the Trinity, that God made the earth, 763 00:36:36,167 --> 00:36:39,125 that we sinned against God, that Jesus is the Son of God, 764 00:36:39,167 --> 00:36:40,833 fully God, fully man, lived without sin, 765 00:36:40,875 --> 00:36:43,458 died on a cross for our sins, rose as our Savior, 766 00:36:43,500 --> 00:36:45,958 is coming again to judge the living and the dead. 767 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:47,667 All Christians believe that. We always have. 768 00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:49,167 By God's grace, we always will. 769 00:36:49,208 --> 00:36:51,167 On the open hand, there are secondary issues 770 00:36:51,208 --> 00:36:54,125 that we disagree about, but we're still Christians. 771 00:36:54,167 --> 00:36:56,458 We still believe the Bible and love Jesus. 772 00:36:56,500 --> 00:36:59,833 What I'm going to share with you in second half of the sermon is 773 00:36:59,917 --> 00:37:03,125 really an open-handed issue, but I would say to you it's among 774 00:37:03,167 --> 00:37:06,417 the most significant, important issues in the open hand because 775 00:37:06,500 --> 00:37:10,708 it determines who will you marry and who will you not marry. 776 00:37:10,792 --> 00:37:13,417 It determines when you marry, how will you organize your 777 00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:15,375 family and resolve your differences 778 00:37:15,458 --> 00:37:17,208 and make your decisions; 779 00:37:17,292 --> 00:37:19,125 how will you raise your children 780 00:37:19,167 --> 00:37:21,917 and what church will you go to and what spiritual leadership 781 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,167 will you place yourself under the authority of? 782 00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:26,167 Big issues, right? 783 00:37:26,250 --> 00:37:29,500 So, godly Christians that we love would disagree with us on 784 00:37:29,542 --> 00:37:33,083 this issue, but I want you to see that it's not a trite, 785 00:37:33,167 --> 00:37:35,167 or trivial, matter. 786 00:37:35,208 --> 00:37:37,958 It's a very important matter. 787 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,458 It leads to a whole bunch of questions. 788 00:37:40,500 --> 00:37:42,833 Christ is the head of the church, 789 00:37:42,875 --> 00:37:45,833 and if the church is to love and submit to Christ, 790 00:37:45,875 --> 00:37:48,042 and so in the covenant of marriage, 791 00:37:48,125 --> 00:37:50,833 the husband is to be the loving head of the home, 792 00:37:50,917 --> 00:37:54,333 and the wife is to respectfully submit to him, 793 00:37:54,417 --> 00:37:56,542 what does that mean? 794 00:37:56,625 --> 00:37:58,667 What does that not mean? 795 00:37:58,708 --> 00:38:00,708 When I teach this, 796 00:38:00,792 --> 00:38:03,000 there's a lot of controversy and conflict. 797 00:38:03,083 --> 00:38:06,500 And some will present an edited, 798 00:38:06,583 --> 00:38:08,792 unclear version of what we believe. 799 00:38:08,833 --> 00:38:12,375 By the grace of God, I hope to give you a clear version 800 00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:15,292 of what we do believe and ultimately, more importantly, 801 00:38:15,333 --> 00:38:18,917 what I am convinced the Bible teaches. 802 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:24,000 The first category of questions are under this main question: 803 00:38:24,083 --> 00:38:28,417 what does it mean for a wife to submit and respect like Jesus? 804 00:38:28,500 --> 00:38:31,625 I'll read the Bible again just so you know that this is where 805 00:38:31,667 --> 00:38:33,000 I got the idea. 806 00:38:33,083 --> 00:38:34,458 Ephesians 5:22, 807 00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:36,958 "Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord." 808 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:42,417 Ephesians 5:24, "Wives should submit to their husbands." 809 00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:45,833 Ephesians 5:33, "Let the wife see that 810 00:38:45,917 --> 00:38:48,042 she respects her husband." 811 00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:50,958 So, when I'm talking about a wife submitting to her husband 812 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,917 and respecting her husband, I'm taking those two big ideas 813 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,667 right from the Bible, and this isn't the only place. 814 00:38:56,708 --> 00:38:58,542 1 Corinthians 11, 815 00:38:58,625 --> 00:39:02,667 you'll see this in 1 Peter, over in chapter 5, 816 00:39:02,750 --> 00:39:04,167 Colossians 3. 817 00:39:04,250 --> 00:39:06,208 I could go on, and on, and on. 818 00:39:06,292 --> 00:39:08,500 This is talked about a lot in the Bible. 819 00:39:08,583 --> 00:39:13,500 What does it mean for a wife to submit and respect like Jesus? 820 00:39:13,542 --> 00:39:16,417 Number one, it does not mean that the wife is less valuable, 821 00:39:16,500 --> 00:39:18,375 intelligent, or competent. 822 00:39:18,458 --> 00:39:21,667 Both men and women bear equally the image and likeness of God. 823 00:39:21,750 --> 00:39:24,500 They have equal dignity, value. 824 00:39:24,583 --> 00:39:27,417 In addition, it doesn't mean that the men are more important 825 00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:28,917 than the women. 826 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,417 That's not true. 827 00:39:30,500 --> 00:39:32,625 It doesn't mean that the husband is more intelligent 828 00:39:32,667 --> 00:39:34,042 than the wife. 829 00:39:34,125 --> 00:39:35,750 This has nothing to do with I.Q. 830 00:39:35,833 --> 00:39:38,250 It also doesn't mean that the husband is more competent 831 00:39:38,333 --> 00:39:40,250 in certain things than the wife is. 832 00:39:40,333 --> 00:39:42,958 Our complementarian theology is this-- 833 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,542 that, like, I've got two hands, and I'm right-handed, 834 00:39:45,625 --> 00:39:48,250 so this is my dominant hand. 835 00:39:48,333 --> 00:39:51,250 The right hand can do things that the left hand can't do, 836 00:39:51,333 --> 00:39:54,500 and the left hand can do things that the right hand can't do, 837 00:39:54,583 --> 00:39:56,833 and there's some things that they both can do, 838 00:39:56,917 --> 00:39:58,958 but they work together in a complementary fashion, 839 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,542 and I need them both. 840 00:40:00,625 --> 00:40:03,625 That's the basic idea of complementarian theology. 841 00:40:03,667 --> 00:40:06,333 The man is the head of the home and the leader, 842 00:40:06,417 --> 00:40:08,333 and the wife is intelligent, she is gifted, 843 00:40:08,417 --> 00:40:10,208 she is capable and competent. 844 00:40:10,292 --> 00:40:12,833 And when Genesis 2:18, I think, says, "She's the helper," 845 00:40:12,875 --> 00:40:15,167 that means that she is actually more intelligent 846 00:40:15,208 --> 00:40:17,500 and more competent in certain areas, that he's not, 847 00:40:17,583 --> 00:40:20,542 so they work together so that together they're better. 848 00:40:20,625 --> 00:40:24,208 Number two, this does not mean that men, in general, 849 00:40:24,292 --> 00:40:27,667 are to be ruling over women in general. 850 00:40:27,708 --> 00:40:29,417 It doesn't mean that. 851 00:40:29,500 --> 00:40:32,333 We're not talking about gender issues; 852 00:40:32,375 --> 00:40:35,167 we're talking about marriage issues. 853 00:40:35,250 --> 00:40:38,542 So, I've got two daughters. 854 00:40:38,625 --> 00:40:40,875 Here's what I would never tell my daughters: 855 00:40:40,958 --> 00:40:42,458 "Men are in charge. 856 00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:44,000 Do what they say." 857 00:40:44,042 --> 00:40:46,333 Could you imagine saying that to your daughter? 858 00:40:46,417 --> 00:40:49,042 In fact, that's the last-- I've met young men, 859 00:40:49,125 --> 00:40:53,667 so that's the last thing I would ever say, right? 860 00:40:53,750 --> 00:40:56,750 That just leads to horrific abuse and the degradation 861 00:40:56,833 --> 00:40:59,083 and denigration of women. 862 00:40:59,167 --> 00:41:01,625 All we're talking about here is not women and men; 863 00:41:01,667 --> 00:41:04,042 we're talking about a one woman, a wife, 864 00:41:04,125 --> 00:41:07,208 with one man, her husband. 865 00:41:07,292 --> 00:41:09,542 We're not talking about, for example, 866 00:41:09,625 --> 00:41:14,333 if one of my daughters is given a professorship at a university. 867 00:41:14,375 --> 00:41:15,958 "Dad, should I take it? 868 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,833 I'll have men that I'm teaching and that report to me." 869 00:41:18,917 --> 00:41:22,000 Well, that's not your marriage, yes. 870 00:41:22,083 --> 00:41:23,833 "How about in the company, Dad? 871 00:41:23,917 --> 00:41:25,833 "I think I'm going to get this promotion, 872 00:41:25,917 --> 00:41:28,333 "but then there will be some men in the company 873 00:41:28,417 --> 00:41:29,750 who report to me." 874 00:41:29,833 --> 00:41:31,750 Well, that's your job; that's not your marriage. 875 00:41:31,833 --> 00:41:33,750 We're not talking about every single conceivable role 876 00:41:33,833 --> 00:41:35,833 for a highly-competent, intelligent woman; 877 00:41:35,917 --> 00:41:37,417 we're talking about architecting the family 878 00:41:37,500 --> 00:41:40,250 like Jesus leading the church. 879 00:41:40,333 --> 00:41:43,458 My goal is to raise competent, godly, intelligent, 880 00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:47,833 well-educated women, and then marry them to men 881 00:41:47,917 --> 00:41:51,917 who are up to the task. 882 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,333 Sometimes what I teach gets misinterpreted. 883 00:41:55,375 --> 00:41:58,500 I've had people come up and say, "I can't believe that you 884 00:41:58,583 --> 00:42:00,500 don't want women to go to college." 885 00:42:00,583 --> 00:42:02,125 My wife went to college. 886 00:42:02,167 --> 00:42:04,292 I have a college fund for both my daughters. 887 00:42:04,333 --> 00:42:06,000 My high school daughter's already racked up 888 00:42:06,083 --> 00:42:07,625 college credit. 889 00:42:07,667 --> 00:42:09,417 I'm OK with college. 890 00:42:09,500 --> 00:42:11,917 I even own some books, and I went myself. 891 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:16,500 It's fine. 892 00:42:16,542 --> 00:42:20,000 Number three, it does not mean that the wife does not have 893 00:42:20,083 --> 00:42:22,500 independent thoughts. 894 00:42:22,542 --> 00:42:25,708 In a complementarian marriage, you don't walk up to the wife 895 00:42:25,792 --> 00:42:28,417 and ask, "Oh, so what do you think about this?" 896 00:42:28,500 --> 00:42:30,583 and then she says, "Well, ask my husband. 897 00:42:30,667 --> 00:42:33,000 Honey, what do I think?" 898 00:42:33,042 --> 00:42:34,958 She has her own thoughts. 899 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,708 I married a woman; I can confirm this as fact. 900 00:42:38,792 --> 00:42:41,417 She has her own thoughts. 901 00:42:41,500 --> 00:42:45,458 Sometimes those thoughts are different than my thoughts. 902 00:42:45,500 --> 00:42:48,708 Any of you married men notice this trend? 903 00:42:48,792 --> 00:42:50,250 It doesn't mean that a wife 904 00:42:50,333 --> 00:42:51,833 doesn't have independent thoughts. 905 00:42:51,875 --> 00:42:54,000 She does have independent thoughts. 906 00:42:54,083 --> 00:42:56,917 Number four, it does not mean that the wife cannot seek 907 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:58,625 to influence her husband. 908 00:42:58,667 --> 00:43:00,500 I think it's Proverbs 19:14 says, 909 00:43:00,583 --> 00:43:02,417 "A prudent wife is from the Lord." 910 00:43:02,500 --> 00:43:06,000 I think it's Genesis 2:18 says that the man needs a helper. 911 00:43:06,083 --> 00:43:09,000 This means that to be really helpful, 912 00:43:09,042 --> 00:43:12,917 a woman would be a prudent influencer of her husband. 913 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,000 It doesn't mean that she can't influence him. 914 00:43:15,083 --> 00:43:18,083 Grace influences me more than anyone. 915 00:43:18,167 --> 00:43:20,708 More than anyone, Grace influences me, 916 00:43:20,792 --> 00:43:26,208 but she's to be a prudent, helpful, godly influence. 917 00:43:26,292 --> 00:43:29,083 Of course a woman should seek to influence her husband, 918 00:43:29,167 --> 00:43:30,625 absolutely. 919 00:43:30,667 --> 00:43:33,250 That's one of the reasons that God brought them together. 920 00:43:33,333 --> 00:43:37,333 He needs help, and she can be helpful. 921 00:43:37,375 --> 00:43:43,125 Number five, this does not mean that the wife does not express 922 00:43:43,167 --> 00:43:45,542 her thoughts and feelings. 923 00:43:45,625 --> 00:43:46,958 Some women wrongly think, 924 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,167 "Oh, so I can't feel anything or say anything?" 925 00:43:49,208 --> 00:43:52,833 Of course you can. Just do so in a respectful way so that you 926 00:43:52,917 --> 00:43:55,750 can help influence your husband, rather than picking a fight, 927 00:43:55,833 --> 00:43:59,250 and declaring war on him, and getting into the crazy cycle. 928 00:43:59,333 --> 00:44:02,917 Those of you who are married know what the crazy cycle is. 929 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:06,417 Just fire up the carnival music and go at it for awhile. 930 00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:10,000 Nothing gets accomplished, OK? 931 00:44:10,083 --> 00:44:13,292 And so what we're talking about here is, 932 00:44:13,333 --> 00:44:15,083 she expresses her thoughts. 933 00:44:15,167 --> 00:44:17,125 "Honey, I think that's a bad idea. 934 00:44:17,167 --> 00:44:20,000 "Honey, I don't know about that. I feel wrong about that. 935 00:44:20,042 --> 00:44:23,000 "Something in my gut says--you know, when you said or did that, 936 00:44:23,083 --> 00:44:25,292 I thought that was just not right." 937 00:44:25,333 --> 00:44:29,833 She expresses her thoughts and she expresses her feelings. 938 00:44:29,875 --> 00:44:33,917 Again, Jesus did, 939 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,958 and to be like Jesus, she will. 940 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:43,167 In addition, number six, this does not mean that a wife 941 00:44:43,208 --> 00:44:47,000 ignores all of her husband's flaws, 942 00:44:47,083 --> 00:44:49,750 but that she begins by encouraging those aspects 943 00:44:49,833 --> 00:44:52,458 of his character that are respectable. 944 00:44:52,500 --> 00:44:53,958 Ladies, let's just be honest. 945 00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:57,833 You want to be married to a man that you respect, and you all, 946 00:44:57,917 --> 00:44:59,833 as you're married to that man, 947 00:44:59,875 --> 00:45:02,083 find things that you don't respect. 948 00:45:02,167 --> 00:45:05,333 And to help those areas that you don't respect, 949 00:45:05,375 --> 00:45:08,833 you want to encourage those areas you do respect to help him 950 00:45:08,875 --> 00:45:12,917 to grow into the man that God intends for him to be. 951 00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,625 This doesn't mean that a man is flawless and without sin. 952 00:45:15,667 --> 00:45:18,333 It means that the woman approaches him in such a way 953 00:45:18,375 --> 00:45:21,333 to help him become more like Jesus. 954 00:45:21,375 --> 00:45:23,833 That's what it means to respect. 955 00:45:23,875 --> 00:45:27,125 Number seven, this does mean that a wife sets a pattern 956 00:45:27,167 --> 00:45:29,708 for others to respect her husband. 957 00:45:29,792 --> 00:45:33,333 Let me ask you this: if Mom disrespects Dad in front of 958 00:45:33,375 --> 00:45:36,125 the kids, are they going to respect Dad? 959 00:45:36,167 --> 00:45:37,958 No. 960 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,208 If the wife disrespects the husband in front of 961 00:45:40,292 --> 00:45:44,417 his coworkers, will they respect the husband? 962 00:45:44,500 --> 00:45:49,750 No. No. 963 00:45:49,833 --> 00:45:54,333 Women who publicly disrespect their husbands, 964 00:45:54,417 --> 00:45:58,000 they encourage others to disrespect their husbands. 965 00:45:58,083 --> 00:46:00,833 And this doesn't mean you don't disagree with your husband, 966 00:46:00,875 --> 00:46:04,167 but you do so respectfully, privately. 967 00:46:04,250 --> 00:46:06,583 You ladies don't, perhaps, understand this, 968 00:46:06,667 --> 00:46:09,917 but when you disrespect, cut down your husband 969 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,333 in front of others, he's in a lose-lose scenario, 970 00:46:12,375 --> 00:46:16,167 because if he argues back, he's being mean; 971 00:46:16,250 --> 00:46:20,333 if he doesn't argue back, he's being weak. 972 00:46:20,375 --> 00:46:23,333 He's in a lose-lose. 973 00:46:23,375 --> 00:46:26,333 Men with men, it's not like this. 974 00:46:26,375 --> 00:46:30,708 You disrespect me, we can talk about that, right? 975 00:46:30,792 --> 00:46:35,042 We can actually have a bit of a debate about that. 976 00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:38,333 But with your wife, I'm in a bad position. 977 00:46:38,417 --> 00:46:41,250 Either I respond and I'm a mean husband, 978 00:46:41,333 --> 00:46:45,958 I don't respond and I'm a weak husband. 979 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:49,625 The book of Proverbs talks about certain kinds of women. 980 00:46:49,667 --> 00:46:51,750 They're quarrelsome. 981 00:46:51,833 --> 00:46:53,833 They're a nag. 982 00:46:53,917 --> 00:46:56,833 In the history of Mars Hill, I've emphasized men, 983 00:46:56,875 --> 00:46:59,458 and I've rebuked men. 984 00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:02,500 Well, in the name of equality, let me now do the same 985 00:47:02,583 --> 00:47:04,000 for the ladies, OK? 986 00:47:04,083 --> 00:47:05,708 Because we believe in equality. 987 00:47:05,792 --> 00:47:07,500 We believe that women should be offended 988 00:47:07,542 --> 00:47:10,500 as equally as men, right? 989 00:47:10,583 --> 00:47:13,833 And some women, you're a nag. 990 00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:15,583 You're disrespectful. 991 00:47:15,667 --> 00:47:17,583 You're quarrelsome. 992 00:47:17,667 --> 00:47:20,792 Being married to you is like a life sentence, 993 00:47:20,833 --> 00:47:23,208 and the guy's just scratching on his wall every day, 994 00:47:23,292 --> 00:47:25,333 "One more day. 995 00:47:25,375 --> 00:47:29,292 Just one more day." 996 00:47:29,333 --> 00:47:31,208 Proverbs talks about certain women-- 997 00:47:31,292 --> 00:47:32,917 they're like a dripping faucet. 998 00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,333 You ever tried to sleep with a dripping faucet? 999 00:47:35,417 --> 00:47:39,833 Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk. 1000 00:47:39,875 --> 00:47:44,833 It's what we use to torture people who are prisoners of war. 1001 00:47:44,875 --> 00:47:46,625 A wife is like that. 1002 00:47:46,667 --> 00:47:50,333 She just--boom, boom, boom, boom. 1003 00:47:50,417 --> 00:47:53,333 Some guys, then, they read Proverbs and they see the verse 1004 00:47:53,417 --> 00:47:56,500 where it says, "It's better to live on the corner of the roof 1005 00:47:56,583 --> 00:47:58,250 "than in the house with a quarrelsome 1006 00:47:58,333 --> 00:48:00,167 and ill-tempered wife." 1007 00:48:00,250 --> 00:48:04,208 Guys are like, "Yes, I have camping gear, 1008 00:48:04,292 --> 00:48:07,000 "and I'm ready to apply the Word of God, right, 1009 00:48:07,083 --> 00:48:09,792 "and just get my ladder, climb on my roof, 1010 00:48:09,833 --> 00:48:16,125 set up my tent, and pull up my ladder." 1011 00:48:16,167 --> 00:48:17,917 OK? 1012 00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:24,083 Some of you women are like, "I am not quarrelsome." 1013 00:48:24,167 --> 00:48:29,125 One for me, All right. One for me. 1014 00:48:29,167 --> 00:48:35,333 Number eight, it does help guard a woman's tendency 1015 00:48:35,417 --> 00:48:40,833 to distrust, to despise, to disrespect her husband. 1016 00:48:40,875 --> 00:48:44,042 Let's just say, from Genesis 3 1017 00:48:44,125 --> 00:48:45,833 where sin entered the world, 1018 00:48:45,917 --> 00:48:49,458 the proclivity of the sons of Adam is to be cowards 1019 00:48:49,500 --> 00:48:52,167 who just don't follow through in their responsibilities, 1020 00:48:52,208 --> 00:48:54,333 and the proclivity of the daughters of Eve 1021 00:48:54,375 --> 00:48:56,167 is to disrespect the man 1022 00:48:56,208 --> 00:48:59,458 and to take matters into their own hands. 1023 00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:03,208 The result is the world in which we live, 1024 00:49:03,292 --> 00:49:05,417 where marriage is not going well, 1025 00:49:05,500 --> 00:49:07,625 and people are not staying together, 1026 00:49:07,667 --> 00:49:10,833 and we're in a real free fall and a crisis. 1027 00:49:10,875 --> 00:49:14,625 And number nine, this does mean that she takes her cue from 1028 00:49:14,667 --> 00:49:16,708 the Trinity and Jesus. 1029 00:49:16,792 --> 00:49:21,333 So again, we're coming back to our theological convictions. 1030 00:49:21,375 --> 00:49:23,000 So, there's one God, three persons, 1031 00:49:23,042 --> 00:49:24,500 Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 1032 00:49:24,542 --> 00:49:26,667 True or false: God the Father, God the Son, 1033 00:49:26,750 --> 00:49:28,083 God the Holy Spirit-- 1034 00:49:28,167 --> 00:49:30,333 they're equal, sharing all the divine attributes. 1035 00:49:30,375 --> 00:49:31,833 True or false? 1036 00:49:31,875 --> 00:49:33,333 True. 1037 00:49:33,417 --> 00:49:35,125 True or false: 1038 00:49:35,167 --> 00:49:37,042 Jesus Christ, the second member of the Trinity, 1039 00:49:37,125 --> 00:49:39,625 the Son of God, he submits to God the Father. 1040 00:49:39,667 --> 00:49:41,167 True or false? 1041 00:49:41,208 --> 00:49:42,750 True. 1042 00:49:42,833 --> 00:49:44,833 So, you can be equal and under authority. 1043 00:49:44,875 --> 00:49:47,833 That's why a teacher is not more valuable than a student. 1044 00:49:47,917 --> 00:49:50,333 It's why a political leader is not more valuable than 1045 00:49:50,417 --> 00:49:51,958 a citizen. 1046 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,542 It means that someone is leading and someone is deferring 1047 00:49:54,625 --> 00:49:56,167 to that leadership. 1048 00:49:56,208 --> 00:50:00,042 It's why a player is not less of a human or valuable 1049 00:50:00,125 --> 00:50:01,917 than the coach. 1050 00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,167 We have these relationships all the time. 1051 00:50:04,208 --> 00:50:06,958 All right, if the police officer pulls you over, you can't say, 1052 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:10,625 "Hey, we're equal and you have no right to write me a ticket. 1053 00:50:10,667 --> 00:50:14,333 In fact, I'm writing you a ticket." 1054 00:50:14,375 --> 00:50:17,750 Actually, we're now going to practice submission, 1055 00:50:17,833 --> 00:50:20,833 right? 1056 00:50:20,875 --> 00:50:25,167 So, here's the way it works: Jesus is the Son of God, 1057 00:50:25,208 --> 00:50:28,458 and the Bible that the Father sent the Son. 1058 00:50:28,500 --> 00:50:30,917 Jesus says, while on the earth, things like, 1059 00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,458 "I'm not here to just do whatever I want. 1060 00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:36,167 I'm here to do what the Father sent me to do." 1061 00:50:36,208 --> 00:50:38,833 He says, "I don't just say whatever I want to say. 1062 00:50:38,917 --> 00:50:41,083 I say what the Father tells me to say." 1063 00:50:41,167 --> 00:50:44,292 Jesus, in fact, tells us to pray this way: 1064 00:50:44,333 --> 00:50:50,083 "Your will be done." 1065 00:50:50,167 --> 00:50:52,000 That's submission. 1066 00:50:52,042 --> 00:50:54,792 In the Garden of Gethsemane before he is to be crucified, 1067 00:50:54,833 --> 00:50:58,292 the Lord Jesus has this anguish-filled prayer to 1068 00:50:58,333 --> 00:51:01,542 the Father: "If it be possible to remove this cup," 1069 00:51:01,625 --> 00:51:04,042 this "cup of suffering," I believe, 1070 00:51:04,125 --> 00:51:08,958 "then do so, but not my will, your will be done. 1071 00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,333 Your will be done." 1072 00:51:11,417 --> 00:51:16,417 Ladies, to respect and submit is to be like Jesus-- 1073 00:51:16,500 --> 00:51:19,125 is to be like Jesus. 1074 00:51:19,167 --> 00:51:22,125 You want to be like Jesus? 1075 00:51:22,167 --> 00:51:28,250 That's one of the ways that we learn to be like Jesus. 1076 00:51:28,333 --> 00:51:31,500 How about the questions for the men? 1077 00:51:31,583 --> 00:51:35,542 What does it mean-- next category of questions. 1078 00:51:35,625 --> 00:51:38,750 What does it mean for a husband to love and lead like Jesus? 1079 00:51:38,833 --> 00:51:42,333 It says he's the head--that's the leader--and to love his wife 1080 00:51:42,417 --> 00:51:44,208 as Christ loves the church. 1081 00:51:44,292 --> 00:51:46,000 The word "love" appears here six times. 1082 00:51:46,083 --> 00:51:48,542 What does it mean? 1083 00:51:48,625 --> 00:51:51,667 Let me start with this very sober point for all of you 1084 00:51:51,708 --> 00:51:54,917 men--all of you men. 1085 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:59,333 If God should bless you with a wife, the question is not, 1086 00:51:59,417 --> 00:52:02,875 "Are you the head of the home?" 1087 00:52:02,958 --> 00:52:04,708 The questions is, 1088 00:52:04,792 --> 00:52:07,625 "Are you a good or a bad head of the home?" 1089 00:52:07,667 --> 00:52:09,500 Do you understand the difference? 1090 00:52:09,583 --> 00:52:13,125 Here it says, "Christ is the head of the church." 1091 00:52:13,167 --> 00:52:15,500 Who's the head of the church? 1092 00:52:15,583 --> 00:52:17,333 Christ. 1093 00:52:17,375 --> 00:52:20,000 We're not going to vote on that. 1094 00:52:20,083 --> 00:52:25,167 It doesn't matter what the CNN poll says regarding that. 1095 00:52:25,250 --> 00:52:28,500 Even if we should all decide Christ isn't the head 1096 00:52:28,542 --> 00:52:30,417 of the church, guess what? 1097 00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:32,333 He is, because God voted 1098 00:52:32,375 --> 00:52:37,333 and that's the only vote that matters. 1099 00:52:37,417 --> 00:52:41,042 "As Christ is the head of the church," it says, 1100 00:52:41,125 --> 00:52:45,333 "the husband is the head of the wife," plain and simple. 1101 00:52:45,417 --> 00:52:48,542 So, if you're at Mars Hill and you're a guy who's not loving 1102 00:52:48,625 --> 00:52:51,333 his wife, not investing his wife, not devoted to his wife, 1103 00:52:51,375 --> 00:52:53,125 and you claim to be a Christian, 1104 00:52:53,167 --> 00:52:54,542 you come in and meet, 1105 00:52:54,625 --> 00:52:56,042 you can't say something like, 1106 00:52:56,125 --> 00:52:58,708 "Well, we decided I won't be the head of the household." 1107 00:52:58,792 --> 00:53:00,792 You don't get to vote. God already voted. 1108 00:53:00,833 --> 00:53:04,167 The question is, "Are you a good head or are you a bad head?" 1109 00:53:04,250 --> 00:53:05,583 not "Are you the head?" 1110 00:53:05,667 --> 00:53:08,583 This is an additional burden that goes on the backs of men. 1111 00:53:08,667 --> 00:53:10,083 I want you to feel that. 1112 00:53:10,167 --> 00:53:12,000 Whoa, there's an additional burden there. 1113 00:53:12,083 --> 00:53:14,417 It's why, though Eve sinned first in Genesis 3, 1114 00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:19,167 God comes asking Adam, "Where are you?" 1115 00:53:19,250 --> 00:53:21,333 Adam couldn't look at God and say, 1116 00:53:21,375 --> 00:53:24,333 "Hey, we voted and I'm not the head of the household." 1117 00:53:24,375 --> 00:53:27,417 God would say, "I voted and you are." 1118 00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:29,000 You're responsible. 1119 00:53:29,083 --> 00:53:31,292 Again, that's what it means to be the head. 1120 00:53:31,333 --> 00:53:33,833 You're responsible. 1121 00:53:33,917 --> 00:53:35,542 How do you know whether or not 1122 00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:37,750 a man is a good head of the home? 1123 00:53:37,833 --> 00:53:39,167 Well, he's not a bully. 1124 00:53:39,208 --> 00:53:41,958 He loves his wife as Christ loved the church. 1125 00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:45,667 That means that she will be growing and flourishing under 1126 00:53:45,708 --> 00:53:49,250 his loving leadership. 1127 00:53:49,333 --> 00:53:52,167 So, number one, the question is not, "Are you the head?" 1128 00:53:52,208 --> 00:53:54,208 but "Are you a good or bad head?" 1129 00:53:54,292 --> 00:53:57,542 For you single men, you need to know this: we are in a day 1130 00:53:57,625 --> 00:54:01,125 when men are pathetic. 1131 00:54:01,167 --> 00:54:03,375 For the first time in the nation's history, 1132 00:54:03,458 --> 00:54:06,500 the majority of children born to young women 1133 00:54:06,542 --> 00:54:08,125 are born out of wedlock. 1134 00:54:08,167 --> 00:54:10,208 For the first time in the nation's history, 1135 00:54:10,292 --> 00:54:13,125 young women are more likely than young men to be in college, 1136 00:54:13,167 --> 00:54:15,333 to be in church, to be in the workforce, 1137 00:54:15,375 --> 00:54:17,208 and even have a driver's license. 1138 00:54:17,292 --> 00:54:20,333 We live in a day when men are acting like boys even though 1139 00:54:20,375 --> 00:54:22,708 they are men, and they're mooching off their mothers, 1140 00:54:22,792 --> 00:54:24,667 and they're mooching off their girlfriends, 1141 00:54:24,750 --> 00:54:27,125 and they're abandoning their responsibilities, 1142 00:54:27,167 --> 00:54:29,125 and it's a fool's parade, 1143 00:54:29,167 --> 00:54:32,375 but there's no punch line for the joke. 1144 00:54:32,458 --> 00:54:35,958 And so one of our great values at Mars Hill is that men 1145 00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,500 are to take responsibility, as Christ did, 1146 00:54:38,583 --> 00:54:41,833 and they are to first take responsibility for themselves, 1147 00:54:41,917 --> 00:54:44,542 and then they can marry, and then they can consummate 1148 00:54:44,625 --> 00:54:49,208 their covenant and devote their life to loving their wife. 1149 00:54:49,292 --> 00:54:52,208 If you're here and you disagree with that, 1150 00:54:52,292 --> 00:54:54,333 go home and study the Scriptures 1151 00:54:54,375 --> 00:55:00,208 and ask yourself, "Do I disagree with God?" 1152 00:55:00,292 --> 00:55:03,417 And for those of you who would go searching for scholars 1153 00:55:03,500 --> 00:55:07,792 who would tell you that you can do whatever you please, 1154 00:55:07,833 --> 00:55:10,000 are you not just a rebellious, stiff-necked, 1155 00:55:10,042 --> 00:55:13,833 hardhearted kid who, when Dad says no, goes to find anybody, 1156 00:55:13,875 --> 00:55:16,917 anywhere, anything, anywhere that would allow them to be 1157 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:20,708 in rebellion. 1158 00:55:20,792 --> 00:55:23,917 Men, there is a burden that God places on us, 1159 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,792 and I want you to feel it. 1160 00:55:25,833 --> 00:55:27,792 And some of you single men, you think, 1161 00:55:27,833 --> 00:55:30,500 "Boy, I'm going to grow up, I'm going to get married, 1162 00:55:30,583 --> 00:55:32,000 and that'll make me a man." 1163 00:55:32,083 --> 00:55:33,750 No, it won't. Marriage is for men. 1164 00:55:33,833 --> 00:55:35,917 It's not for boys, and boys who get married, 1165 00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:38,250 they don't become men; they hurt women and children. 1166 00:55:38,333 --> 00:55:40,125 That's what they do. 1167 00:55:40,167 --> 00:55:44,167 Number two, men, we are not the highest authority. 1168 00:55:44,208 --> 00:55:48,500 In authority over us is the elders of the church. 1169 00:55:48,583 --> 00:55:51,708 So, if you're being a blockhead, they may have to talk to you. 1170 00:55:51,792 --> 00:55:53,958 Above us is the government. 1171 00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:57,000 We break the law, we're going to jail, 1172 00:55:57,083 --> 00:55:59,833 restraining order for domestic violence, things like that. 1173 00:55:59,917 --> 00:56:02,917 We submit to higher authority of government. 1174 00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:06,000 It means there's God's Word above us. 1175 00:56:06,083 --> 00:56:08,125 We're under the authority of Scripture. 1176 00:56:08,167 --> 00:56:10,833 Above it all is the resurrected ruling and reigning Lord Jesus. 1177 00:56:10,875 --> 00:56:13,125 We're not the highest authority, men. 1178 00:56:13,167 --> 00:56:14,792 We're down that totem pole. 1179 00:56:14,833 --> 00:56:16,833 We have delegated authority, 1180 00:56:16,875 --> 00:56:20,417 and it is to love women and children. 1181 00:56:20,500 --> 00:56:26,167 Number three, men, we are to love our wife, 1182 00:56:26,250 --> 00:56:28,500 not just marriage. 1183 00:56:28,583 --> 00:56:33,000 Some of you single men, you have a script in your mind of what 1184 00:56:33,042 --> 00:56:36,042 marriage will look like, and you're just trying to find 1185 00:56:36,125 --> 00:56:39,250 a woman that you can hand the script to so that she'll 1186 00:56:39,333 --> 00:56:42,042 read the lines and play the role because you love marriage. 1187 00:56:42,125 --> 00:56:44,250 But it's not that we are to love marriage, 1188 00:56:44,333 --> 00:56:46,333 we're to love our wife. 1189 00:56:46,375 --> 00:56:48,167 You understand the difference? 1190 00:56:48,208 --> 00:56:50,167 You meet a lot of single guys like, 1191 00:56:50,208 --> 00:56:51,667 "I can't wait to get married!" 1192 00:56:51,708 --> 00:56:53,833 No, the whole goal is not to get married. 1193 00:56:53,917 --> 00:56:56,833 The goal is to love your wife as Christ loved the church. 1194 00:56:56,917 --> 00:56:58,250 It's easy to get married. 1195 00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:01,208 It's really hard to love your wife as Christ loved the church. 1196 00:57:01,292 --> 00:57:03,500 Any married guys found that to be true? 1197 00:57:03,542 --> 00:57:06,625 You can put a suit on, smile, say "I do," sign a form. 1198 00:57:06,667 --> 00:57:08,292 That was easy. 1199 00:57:08,333 --> 00:57:10,917 Love your wife as Christ loved the church for 50 years. 1200 00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:12,417 That's a little bit of work. 1201 00:57:12,500 --> 00:57:15,625 And some men love the idea of, "Oh, I get to live with 1202 00:57:15,667 --> 00:57:17,625 somebody, and I get to sleep with somebody." 1203 00:57:17,667 --> 00:57:21,917 They don't love the idea of loving that woman. 1204 00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:25,875 In addition, number four, your most important human friendship 1205 00:57:25,958 --> 00:57:27,500 is with your wife. 1206 00:57:27,542 --> 00:57:29,917 Of course, our friendship with Jesus is our most important 1207 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,625 relationship, but our most important human friendship is 1208 00:57:32,667 --> 00:57:34,042 with our wife. 1209 00:57:34,125 --> 00:57:36,167 When Paul says repeatedly, "Husbands, love your wives," 1210 00:57:36,208 --> 00:57:38,542 what he's talking about, I think, is friendship. 1211 00:57:38,625 --> 00:57:40,917 Grace and I get into this in "Real Marriage"-- 1212 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:44,000 I'll visit it briefly-- but it's friendship. 1213 00:57:44,083 --> 00:57:45,833 Sometimes we're like, "I work hard 1214 00:57:45,917 --> 00:57:47,542 "and I put food on the table. 1215 00:57:47,625 --> 00:57:49,458 I'm a loving husband." 1216 00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:52,250 Well, let's ask your wife if she feels whether or not 1217 00:57:52,333 --> 00:57:54,042 you're a good friend. 1218 00:57:54,125 --> 00:57:56,500 Because a little previously, in Ephesians 5:21, where it says, 1219 00:57:56,583 --> 00:57:58,958 "To submit to one another out of reverence for Christ," 1220 00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:00,917 the husband, then, gets to say, 1221 00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,417 "That wasn't very respectful," and the wife gets to say, 1222 00:58:03,500 --> 00:58:06,125 "That wasn't very loving," and they have to listen to 1223 00:58:06,167 --> 00:58:09,125 one another and learn from one another so that she can grow 1224 00:58:09,167 --> 00:58:12,125 to be more respectful and he can grow to be more loving. 1225 00:58:12,167 --> 00:58:13,500 Are you good friends? 1226 00:58:13,583 --> 00:58:16,417 Are you good friends? 1227 00:58:16,500 --> 00:58:19,375 There are seasons where I've not been a good friend to Grace, 1228 00:58:19,458 --> 00:58:22,083 and I've had to repent of that and apologize to her, 1229 00:58:22,167 --> 00:58:25,125 where I get very selfish, and I don't want to love her, 1230 00:58:25,167 --> 00:58:27,583 I want her to help me. 1231 00:58:27,667 --> 00:58:30,375 But really, the essence, I think, 1232 00:58:30,458 --> 00:58:33,083 of marriage is friendship. 1233 00:58:33,167 --> 00:58:34,667 Friends hang in there. 1234 00:58:34,708 --> 00:58:36,250 Friends have fun together. 1235 00:58:36,333 --> 00:58:38,750 Friends work through the hard times. 1236 00:58:38,833 --> 00:58:41,500 Grace and I like to talk about there are certain marriages 1237 00:58:41,583 --> 00:58:43,042 that are back-to-back. 1238 00:58:43,125 --> 00:58:44,667 They're adversarial and acrimonious. 1239 00:58:44,708 --> 00:58:46,208 They don't get along. 1240 00:58:46,292 --> 00:58:48,000 Many marriages, especially those who are Christian, 1241 00:58:48,083 --> 00:58:49,708 they're shoulder-to-shoulder. 1242 00:58:49,792 --> 00:58:51,542 They're roommates but not soulmates. 1243 00:58:51,625 --> 00:58:54,333 They work hard for the family, work hard in the ministry, 1244 00:58:54,417 --> 00:58:57,250 work hard for the business, but they're not really friends. 1245 00:58:57,333 --> 00:58:59,833 And the best marriages have a lot of face-to-face. 1246 00:58:59,875 --> 00:59:01,833 They know one another, they love one another, 1247 00:59:01,875 --> 00:59:04,500 they work out their differences, they make memories together. 1248 00:59:04,542 --> 00:59:08,708 I can't tell you how important the friendship is. 1249 00:59:08,792 --> 00:59:12,083 That's how you love one another. 1250 00:59:12,167 --> 00:59:14,417 I met Grace at 17. 1251 00:59:14,500 --> 00:59:17,667 On March 12th, we had the 25th anniversary 1252 00:59:17,750 --> 00:59:20,708 of our first date. 1253 00:59:20,792 --> 00:59:24,708 One of my life goals--one of my life goals is to be 1254 00:59:24,792 --> 00:59:27,208 an increasingly better friend to Grace, 1255 00:59:27,292 --> 00:59:29,417 to be the best friend she's ever had, 1256 00:59:29,500 --> 00:59:31,375 because she's the best friend I've ever had. 1257 00:59:31,458 --> 00:59:32,792 I like being with her. 1258 00:59:32,833 --> 00:59:34,167 I like holding her hand. 1259 00:59:34,208 --> 00:59:35,667 I like making memories with her. 1260 00:59:35,708 --> 00:59:38,167 I was there in her teens, her 20s, her 30s. 1261 00:59:38,208 --> 00:59:39,542 I'm there in her 40s. 1262 00:59:39,625 --> 00:59:42,042 I want to be there until we're in our 80s, 1263 00:59:42,125 --> 00:59:44,750 and I want us to be friends, holding hands, making memories, 1264 00:59:44,833 --> 00:59:46,667 having fun, having worked through whatever comes 1265 00:59:46,708 --> 00:59:49,833 but getting to the grace of God on the other side. 1266 00:59:49,875 --> 00:59:52,500 Let me just impress upon you men, 1267 00:59:52,583 --> 00:59:54,625 take responsibility for the well-being 1268 00:59:54,667 --> 00:59:57,333 of the friendship in the marriage. 1269 00:59:57,417 --> 01:00:00,417 Number five, love your wife and not just what you hope 1270 01:00:00,500 --> 01:00:02,958 she will become. 1271 01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,833 "Oh, if she would lose weight. Oh, if she would learn that. 1272 01:00:05,917 --> 01:00:08,542 "Oh, if she'd get that skill. Oh, if she'd try that. 1273 01:00:08,625 --> 01:00:11,750 Oh, if she'd change in that way then I'd be so loving toward--" 1274 01:00:11,833 --> 01:00:13,750 No. That's not how Jesus is with us. 1275 01:00:13,833 --> 01:00:15,458 Jesus doesn't come to us and say, 1276 01:00:15,500 --> 01:00:17,667 "Here's a list of things that if you accomplish, 1277 01:00:17,708 --> 01:00:19,667 then I'll have affection toward you." 1278 01:00:19,708 --> 01:00:21,833 Jesus comes and says, "I'm going to love you, 1279 01:00:21,917 --> 01:00:24,125 and my love is going to change you." 1280 01:00:24,167 --> 01:00:27,917 Don't love who your wife can be; love who your wife is 1281 01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:31,042 and see who she becomes. 1282 01:00:31,125 --> 01:00:37,833 Number six, love your wife, whatever comes your way. 1283 01:00:37,917 --> 01:00:40,333 This is the difference between a job and a covenant. 1284 01:00:40,417 --> 01:00:42,500 In a job, they give you a list. 1285 01:00:42,542 --> 01:00:44,167 You have to do these things. 1286 01:00:44,208 --> 01:00:46,875 As long as you do those things, you've fulfilled your duty. 1287 01:00:46,958 --> 01:00:49,875 In the covenants of marriage, God does not give us a list. 1288 01:00:49,958 --> 01:00:52,375 In the Scriptures, he gives us some things, but ultimately, 1289 01:00:52,458 --> 01:00:56,667 the big thing is to love your wife as Christ loved the church. 1290 01:00:56,750 --> 01:00:59,375 You can't say, "I didn't sign up for cancer. 1291 01:00:59,458 --> 01:01:02,417 That wasn't in the job--" No, it said "Love your wife." 1292 01:01:02,500 --> 01:01:07,208 Now she's got cancer, so love your wife with cancer. 1293 01:01:07,292 --> 01:01:10,750 "Well, no I wanted to have kids, and now she's infertile, 1294 01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:12,542 "and we can't have kids. 1295 01:01:12,625 --> 01:01:14,208 I didn't sign up for that." 1296 01:01:14,292 --> 01:01:16,500 No, no, love your wife, who's infertile, 1297 01:01:16,583 --> 01:01:19,833 as Christ loves the church. 1298 01:01:19,875 --> 01:01:23,167 See, what happens is some of us want to reduce marriage down to 1299 01:01:23,208 --> 01:01:26,708 a list of duties, and the big overarching duty is, 1300 01:01:26,792 --> 01:01:29,958 husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. 1301 01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:33,708 She may get cancer, she may get sick, she may be infertile, 1302 01:01:33,792 --> 01:01:36,833 her extended family might blow up. 1303 01:01:36,917 --> 01:01:42,125 All kinds of things can happen. 1304 01:01:45,167 --> 01:01:48,167 Number seven, men, we have to be tough and tender to love 1305 01:01:48,208 --> 01:01:50,042 our wife as Christ loved the church. 1306 01:01:50,125 --> 01:01:52,458 Christ is tough with false teachers, heretics, 1307 01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:54,458 those who would come to hurt the church, 1308 01:01:54,500 --> 01:01:56,667 and he's very tender with the people of God. 1309 01:01:56,708 --> 01:01:59,042 We need to be tough for our family 1310 01:01:59,125 --> 01:02:01,083 and tender with our family. 1311 01:02:01,167 --> 01:02:03,917 The guys who are only tough, they abuse their family. 1312 01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:05,708 The guys who are only tender, 1313 01:02:05,792 --> 01:02:10,000 they allow others to abuse their family. 1314 01:02:10,083 --> 01:02:13,625 Number eight, as the family leader, men, 1315 01:02:13,667 --> 01:02:17,417 we take responsibility for the well-being of the family. 1316 01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:20,375 We take responsibility for the well-being of the family, 1317 01:02:20,458 --> 01:02:22,917 so you can't just look at your wife and say, 1318 01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,917 "You really need to get that together." 1319 01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:26,333 You need to be involved. 1320 01:02:26,375 --> 01:02:28,500 You can't just look at your kids and say, 1321 01:02:28,583 --> 01:02:30,208 "That's something you've got to work on. 1322 01:02:30,292 --> 01:02:31,625 Go fix that." 1323 01:02:31,667 --> 01:02:33,000 You need to get involved. 1324 01:02:33,083 --> 01:02:35,250 And this includes even when your kids get older. 1325 01:02:35,333 --> 01:02:38,417 One of the most foolish things I hear from even Christian men is, 1326 01:02:38,500 --> 01:02:39,833 "Well, my daughter's 19. 1327 01:02:39,875 --> 01:02:42,000 "She went off to college, she's drinking a lot, 1328 01:02:42,083 --> 01:02:44,208 "dating a total idiot and moved in with him. 1329 01:02:44,292 --> 01:02:46,958 But she's an adult, and who am I to get involved?" 1330 01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:48,458 You're the head of the household. 1331 01:02:48,500 --> 01:02:49,958 You sit her down and say, 1332 01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:52,667 "Honey, I love you, and you're my responsibility, 1333 01:02:52,708 --> 01:02:55,333 so I dumped him." 1334 01:02:55,417 --> 01:02:59,167 I think that's a good role for a father to play-- 1335 01:02:59,208 --> 01:03:01,500 to be involved, 1336 01:03:01,583 --> 01:03:06,167 to be involved with the wife, to be involved with the kids-- 1337 01:03:06,250 --> 01:03:08,375 because it's his responsibility. 1338 01:03:08,458 --> 01:03:11,292 I know that some men can be overbearing and take this 1339 01:03:11,333 --> 01:03:13,792 too far, but let me just say, in our day, 1340 01:03:13,833 --> 01:03:16,833 that's probably not the risk. 1341 01:03:16,875 --> 01:03:19,000 The problem today is not, 1342 01:03:19,083 --> 01:03:21,333 "Men are going too far being responsible 1343 01:03:21,375 --> 01:03:23,708 "for the well-being of their women and children. 1344 01:03:23,792 --> 01:03:25,792 "We need to back them off. 1345 01:03:25,833 --> 01:03:30,292 Those guys, they're just too involved." 1346 01:03:30,333 --> 01:03:34,208 Number nine, she is a garden; you are the gardener. 1347 01:03:34,292 --> 01:03:38,333 She is a garden; you are the gardener. 1348 01:03:38,375 --> 01:03:41,750 In Psalms, it says that a wife with children who is loved 1349 01:03:41,833 --> 01:03:43,750 will be like a fruitful vine. 1350 01:03:43,833 --> 01:03:45,833 Do you love a good garden? 1351 01:03:45,917 --> 01:03:48,958 How many of you love a good garden? 1352 01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:54,333 How many of you don't really love gardening? 1353 01:03:54,375 --> 01:03:56,917 See, most of us love a good garden. 1354 01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:59,250 We don't have one. 1355 01:03:59,333 --> 01:04:01,792 "I don't really like gardening 1356 01:04:01,833 --> 01:04:03,917 "because gardening is a lot of work. 1357 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,583 "It's a year-round job, at least according to what others 1358 01:04:06,667 --> 01:04:12,000 have told me." 1359 01:04:12,083 --> 01:04:14,417 In 1 Corinthians 11, it says that the woman is 1360 01:04:14,500 --> 01:04:16,833 the glory of the man. 1361 01:04:16,875 --> 01:04:19,917 Another way of saying it is, she reflects who he is 1362 01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:22,000 and what he does. 1363 01:04:22,042 --> 01:04:26,125 Another way of saying it is, he's a gardener; she's a garden. 1364 01:04:26,167 --> 01:04:27,625 Some of you guys would say, 1365 01:04:27,667 --> 01:04:30,000 "Man, there's a lot of weeds at my house." 1366 01:04:30,042 --> 01:04:31,417 You're the gardener. 1367 01:04:31,500 --> 01:04:33,833 "Man, there's a lot of rotten fruit at my house." 1368 01:04:33,917 --> 01:04:35,667 You're the gardener. 1369 01:04:35,708 --> 01:04:37,750 You're the gardener. 1370 01:04:37,833 --> 01:04:40,333 What you don't need is another garden. 1371 01:04:40,417 --> 01:04:43,833 You need to be a better gardener. 1372 01:04:43,917 --> 01:04:49,958 See, there is no patch of grass where weeds will never grow. 1373 01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:53,542 The best thing is to love your wife as Christ loved the church-- 1374 01:04:53,625 --> 01:04:56,667 to be a good gardener and to pull up whatever weeds come, 1375 01:04:56,708 --> 01:05:00,875 to nourish, to cultivate, to cherish your wife, 1376 01:05:00,958 --> 01:05:04,083 and if God should grace you, the children that God gives you. 1377 01:05:04,167 --> 01:05:06,000 And then, increasingly over time, 1378 01:05:06,083 --> 01:05:08,875 your home will become more and more like a fruitful garden 1379 01:05:08,958 --> 01:05:11,083 where you're glad to be because there's life, 1380 01:05:11,167 --> 01:05:12,708 and health, and joy. 1381 01:05:12,792 --> 01:05:14,833 But it means that the work never ends, 1382 01:05:14,875 --> 01:05:18,833 just like a gardener's work never ends. 1383 01:05:18,875 --> 01:05:20,625 For those of you who are married, 1384 01:05:20,667 --> 01:05:23,125 I want you to think and pray on these things. 1385 01:05:23,167 --> 01:05:24,833 For those of you who are single, 1386 01:05:24,875 --> 01:05:27,500 90-plus percent of you will marry. 1387 01:05:27,542 --> 01:05:30,500 Ladies, don't marry any man, who doesn't love you. 1388 01:05:30,542 --> 01:05:33,167 Don't marry any man, who doesn't love Jesus. 1389 01:05:33,250 --> 01:05:35,833 Don't marry any man you don't really respect. 1390 01:05:35,917 --> 01:05:38,333 Don't marry any man you wouldn't trust to make decisions 1391 01:05:38,417 --> 01:05:40,167 for your family. 1392 01:05:40,208 --> 01:05:44,708 It's better to be single than married and miserable. 1393 01:05:44,792 --> 01:05:48,750 You men, don't marry any woman unless you really build 1394 01:05:48,833 --> 01:05:51,708 a friendship with her and want that friendship to continue 1395 01:05:51,792 --> 01:05:53,750 for the rest of your life. 1396 01:05:53,833 --> 01:05:55,958 Don't marry any woman, who doesn't love Jesus. 1397 01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:59,000 If she doesn't, she doesn't even understand you. 1398 01:05:59,083 --> 01:06:01,625 Men, don't marry any woman, who doesn't agree with you 1399 01:06:01,667 --> 01:06:03,167 theologically. 1400 01:06:03,250 --> 01:06:05,167 You may say, "Oh, what's the difference between 1401 01:06:05,250 --> 01:06:06,792 complementarianism and egalitarianism?" 1402 01:06:06,833 --> 01:06:08,792 Well, get married and then see what happens. 1403 01:06:08,833 --> 01:06:10,500 You'll disagree how to organize the home, 1404 01:06:10,583 --> 01:06:12,708 how to resolve conflict, how to read the Bible, 1405 01:06:12,792 --> 01:06:15,208 and how to raise the children. 1406 01:06:15,292 --> 01:06:20,417 You're planting weeds in your own garden. 1407 01:06:20,500 --> 01:06:23,292 And men, don't marry any woman, who doesn't trust you, 1408 01:06:23,333 --> 01:06:24,917 and won't follow your leadership 1409 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:27,125 and doesn't agree with the direction of your life, 1410 01:06:27,167 --> 01:06:28,625 the church you want to attend, 1411 01:06:28,667 --> 01:06:30,125 the career you want to pursue. 1412 01:06:30,167 --> 01:06:31,833 If she doesn't agree with those things, 1413 01:06:31,875 --> 01:06:35,833 she's not the woman for you. 1414 01:06:35,917 --> 01:06:38,833 And I would say, men, God doesn't give us 1415 01:06:38,917 --> 01:06:44,000 a job description; what he gives us is one of his daughters. 1416 01:06:46,667 --> 01:06:50,167 And so he doesn't want us to just check the boxes of duty; 1417 01:06:50,208 --> 01:06:56,167 he wants to love us and help us to love his daughters. 1418 01:06:56,208 --> 01:07:00,625 That's what it means to be a Christian husband. 1419 01:07:00,667 --> 01:07:04,000 It also means that we don't cohabitate, singles. 1420 01:07:04,083 --> 01:07:05,917 We don't. 1421 01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:10,875 Jesus doesn't sleep with the church; he marries her. 1422 01:07:10,958 --> 01:07:12,500 He's committed to her. 1423 01:07:12,583 --> 01:07:14,375 He's devoted to her. 1424 01:07:14,458 --> 01:07:17,000 He'll never leave her nor forsake her, 1425 01:07:17,083 --> 01:07:21,333 and he loves her in a covenantal way, not in a cultural way. 1426 01:07:30,167 --> 01:07:33,333 The world doesn't know what it's doing, because the world, 1427 01:07:33,417 --> 01:07:36,708 in its wisdom, does not know God. 1428 01:07:36,792 --> 01:07:42,458 I would encourage you to be no longer conformed to the pattern 1429 01:07:42,500 --> 01:07:45,208 of the world, but to be transformed by the renewing of 1430 01:07:45,292 --> 01:07:48,250 your mind so that you might be able to discern what God's 1431 01:07:48,333 --> 01:07:52,417 perfect and pleasing will is for you, for your relationships, 1432 01:07:52,500 --> 01:07:56,917 for your family, for your legacy. 1433 01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:59,458 And so I have the great honor of teaching. 1434 01:07:59,500 --> 01:08:03,375 You now have to decide what you'll do with this information. 1435 01:08:03,458 --> 01:08:05,667 I'd encourage you to get into a Community Group 1436 01:08:05,750 --> 01:08:07,167 to talk about it with people, 1437 01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:09,333 to continue to study the Scriptures and to see 1438 01:08:09,375 --> 01:08:11,500 what God has to say. 1439 01:08:11,583 --> 01:08:13,917 After 25 years with my very best friend, 1440 01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:16,708 I can assure you that God's way is the best way. 1441 01:08:16,792 --> 01:08:19,208 In fact, God's way is the only way. 1442 01:08:19,292 --> 01:08:21,125 We don't fight a lot. 1443 01:08:21,167 --> 01:08:22,708 We actually agree. 1444 01:08:22,792 --> 01:08:24,333 We make decisions together. 1445 01:08:24,375 --> 01:08:27,292 I asked Gracie, "Honey, give me an example of a time when 1446 01:08:27,333 --> 01:08:29,500 "we disagreed about something, and I made the decision, 1447 01:08:29,583 --> 01:08:31,208 and you had to submit to it." 1448 01:08:31,292 --> 01:08:33,833 I gave her 49 hours, she couldn't come up with one. 1449 01:08:33,917 --> 01:08:35,250 We've been together 25 years. 1450 01:08:35,333 --> 01:08:37,000 It's not like I'm pulling out the, 1451 01:08:37,083 --> 01:08:39,333 "I'm the head of household" card all the time. 1452 01:08:39,375 --> 01:08:42,083 If you have to do that, you've got a real problem 1453 01:08:42,167 --> 01:08:43,500 in your marriage. 1454 01:08:43,542 --> 01:08:45,792 We pray, talk, work it out together as friends, 1455 01:08:45,833 --> 01:08:47,792 and then I take responsibility for the decisions 1456 01:08:47,833 --> 01:08:51,042 that we make together. 1457 01:08:51,125 --> 01:08:54,333 We're going to now give you an opportunity to respond as well. 1458 01:08:54,417 --> 01:08:57,333 If you're not a Christian, this is where you give your sin 1459 01:08:57,417 --> 01:08:59,833 to Jesus, you receive his love as your Savior. 1460 01:08:59,917 --> 01:09:02,000 We're going to collect our tithes and offerings. 1461 01:09:02,042 --> 01:09:04,708 I'll ask the financial stewards to collect at this time. 1462 01:09:04,792 --> 01:09:08,000 As we collect our tithes and offerings, let me remind you, 1463 01:09:08,083 --> 01:09:10,917 Christ loved the church and what? 1464 01:09:11,000 --> 01:09:13,000 Gave. 1465 01:09:13,083 --> 01:09:16,208 When we give, we are saying, "I love what Jesus loves. 1466 01:09:16,292 --> 01:09:18,333 I love the church." 1467 01:09:18,375 --> 01:09:20,417 So, as we collect our tithes and offerings, 1468 01:09:20,500 --> 01:09:24,792 I want you to know that Jesus has given to us, and as we give, 1469 01:09:24,833 --> 01:09:28,500 we're acknowledging that Jesus is giving through us. 1470 01:09:28,583 --> 01:09:34,625 In addition, in a moment, we're going to partake of Communion. 1471 01:09:34,667 --> 01:09:37,542 And in Communion, we're remembering that God 1472 01:09:37,625 --> 01:09:42,750 gave himself--broken body, typified in the bread, 1473 01:09:42,833 --> 01:09:45,917 shed blood, shown in the drink-- 1474 01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:48,667 and we're seeing the love of God. 1475 01:09:48,708 --> 01:09:52,333 We're seeing the love of God in the death and resurrection 1476 01:09:52,417 --> 01:09:54,625 of Jesus Christ. 1477 01:09:54,667 --> 01:09:56,833 And then lastly, we're going to sing 1478 01:09:56,917 --> 01:09:59,667 and we're going to celebrate because we are loved. 1479 01:09:59,708 --> 01:10:01,833 You know what every wedding has? 1480 01:10:01,917 --> 01:10:03,625 A reception. 1481 01:10:03,667 --> 01:10:05,417 What do they do at the reception? 1482 01:10:05,500 --> 01:10:07,542 Well, they eat, and they drink, and they celebrate. 1483 01:10:07,625 --> 01:10:09,750 That's what we're doing with Communion and worshipping. 1484 01:10:09,833 --> 01:10:11,833 We're eating, and drinking, and celebrating that Jesus 1485 01:10:11,917 --> 01:10:14,208 loves us--that Jesus loves us. 1486 01:10:14,292 --> 01:10:16,833 And as we are preparing for that together, 1487 01:10:16,875 --> 01:10:20,125 I want to share with you what's going on at Mars Hill Sammamish. 1488 01:10:20,167 --> 01:10:23,417 We're 1 church family meeting in 14 locations. 1489 01:10:23,500 --> 01:10:25,667 And as Christ loved the church-- 1490 01:10:25,708 --> 01:10:27,625 that's what the Bible says-- 1491 01:10:27,667 --> 01:10:30,250 we also want to love the church-- love the whole church-- 1492 01:10:30,333 --> 01:10:33,500 and so I just want you to get a glimpse of what Jesus 1493 01:10:33,542 --> 01:10:35,667 is doing at Sammamish. 1494 01:10:35,708 --> 01:10:39,167 Well, Pastor Mark here at Mars Hill Sammamish 1495 01:10:39,250 --> 01:10:41,083 with Pastor Alex. 1496 01:10:41,167 --> 01:10:42,875 Maybe give us a little back story. 1497 01:10:42,958 --> 01:10:45,375 When did we start having services here? 1498 01:10:45,458 --> 01:10:49,667 Actually, we started here in October of 2011. 1499 01:10:49,750 --> 01:10:53,000 So, the church is about a year-and-a-half old or so? 1500 01:10:53,042 --> 01:10:54,500 Yeah. 1501 01:10:54,542 --> 01:10:56,667 So, it was given to us as a gift. 1502 01:10:56,750 --> 01:10:58,583 Apparently there's a big spiritual battle 1503 01:10:58,667 --> 01:11:00,250 for this piece of land. 1504 01:11:00,333 --> 01:11:01,958 Two churches couldn't make it work. 1505 01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:04,667 How's the church doing in the middle of all of that 1506 01:11:04,708 --> 01:11:06,417 a year-and-a-half into it? 1507 01:11:06,500 --> 01:11:08,750 Well, we're finding our way in all of this, 1508 01:11:08,833 --> 01:11:11,250 really trying to understand what the mission is here, 1509 01:11:11,333 --> 01:11:14,750 because as you say, it's a very different kind of population. 1510 01:11:14,833 --> 01:11:17,958 We're sandwiched in between a large Catholic high school 1511 01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:20,458 on one side and East Side High School, 1512 01:11:20,500 --> 01:11:23,625 which is a public school in the Lake Washington School District, 1513 01:11:23,667 --> 01:11:26,208 and then just up the block is Skyline. 1514 01:11:26,292 --> 01:11:27,958 The football powerhouse. 1515 01:11:28,000 --> 01:11:29,500 The football powerhouse. 1516 01:11:29,583 --> 01:11:32,958 We're trying to minister to families out here and call them 1517 01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:37,833 forth so that they end up having not only a good family, 1518 01:11:37,875 --> 01:11:42,708 but a really godly family that builds a legacy for kids 1519 01:11:42,792 --> 01:11:45,750 and families in this community for years to come. 1520 01:11:45,833 --> 01:11:48,458 And so how many generations of your family are worshipping 1521 01:11:48,500 --> 01:11:50,667 together here at Mars Hill Sammamish? 1522 01:11:50,708 --> 01:11:52,958 Well, there's my wife and I, my three sons 1523 01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:55,042 and their families and their kids, 1524 01:11:55,125 --> 01:11:57,833 so there's one, two, three generations. 1525 01:11:57,917 --> 01:12:01,500 And see, that I think encapsulates the big vision for 1526 01:12:01,583 --> 01:12:06,917 Mars Hill Sammamish: generations who love each other, love Jesus, 1527 01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:10,625 stay married, raise their kids and their grandkids to love 1528 01:12:10,667 --> 01:12:12,500 and to serve Jesus. 1529 01:12:12,583 --> 01:12:15,000 And so I want to appreciate you for being here. 1530 01:12:15,083 --> 01:12:17,500 But it's really cool, because in the providence of God, 1531 01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:20,500 your life story is one that we want to see replicated over 1532 01:12:20,583 --> 01:12:22,292 and over and over here in Sammamish. 1533 01:12:22,333 --> 01:12:23,792 For the other Mars Hill churches, 1534 01:12:23,833 --> 01:12:26,708 how could they be praying for you and for the mission here? 1535 01:12:26,792 --> 01:12:32,208 Well, we want to encourage, and invite 1536 01:12:32,292 --> 01:12:34,667 and pull men in. 1537 01:12:34,708 --> 01:12:37,958 This is a place that has a lot of young men 1538 01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:39,833 that have young families. 1539 01:12:39,875 --> 01:12:41,667 We want to train them up. 1540 01:12:41,708 --> 01:12:44,708 We want to help them to learn to pray with their families, 1541 01:12:44,792 --> 01:12:48,250 how to lead your wife, and they want to because the Holy Spirit 1542 01:12:48,333 --> 01:12:49,833 lives in their heart. 1543 01:12:49,917 --> 01:12:52,000 They want to grow in those kinds of ways. 1544 01:12:52,083 --> 01:12:54,333 We want to find ways to train them up 1545 01:12:54,375 --> 01:12:58,125 to be--to have really great families for the glory of God. 1546 01:12:58,167 --> 01:13:01,000 How many kids are here on a weekend? 1547 01:13:01,083 --> 01:13:04,167 I would say a normal Sunday service is-- 1548 01:13:04,250 --> 01:13:08,125 we probably have in the area close to 300 kids. 1549 01:13:08,167 --> 01:13:09,833 Three hundred kids? 1550 01:13:09,875 --> 01:13:11,500 Yeah, it gets pretty crazy. 1551 01:13:11,542 --> 01:13:13,500 So, you're almost as many adults as kids. 1552 01:13:13,542 --> 01:13:14,875 We are, we are. 1553 01:13:14,958 --> 01:13:16,375 I mean, you're close to 50%. 1554 01:13:16,458 --> 01:13:18,583 Yep, yep, we have a lot of kids here. 1555 01:13:18,667 --> 01:13:21,083 We have a great couple that runs our kids ministry. 1556 01:13:21,167 --> 01:13:24,208 We want to help, you know, those parents not just babysit their 1557 01:13:24,292 --> 01:13:28,417 kids, but we want to help equip parents to lead them at home. 1558 01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:30,000 Awesome. 1559 01:13:30,083 --> 01:13:31,875 Well, thank you for your work, buddy. 1560 01:13:31,958 --> 01:13:34,292 Love you, appreciate you. Love you too. 1561 01:13:45,417 --> 01:13:47,083 Let me pray. 1562 01:13:47,167 --> 01:13:51,042 Father God, as we gather together as a church family, 1563 01:13:51,125 --> 01:13:56,583 I pray for the men to lovingly, humbly, 1564 01:13:56,667 --> 01:14:02,125 generously, sacrificially take responsibility to lead 1565 01:14:02,167 --> 01:14:06,958 their family like Jesus. 1566 01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:11,458 And Lord Jesus, I ask for the wives and the women 1567 01:14:11,500 --> 01:14:18,417 to respect, to trust their husbands, 1568 01:14:18,500 --> 01:14:20,542 and if they're a younger woman 1569 01:14:20,625 --> 01:14:24,958 and have a godly father, even their father, 1570 01:14:25,000 --> 01:14:28,208 following in the example of Jesus, who was equal, 1571 01:14:28,292 --> 01:14:30,542 who was passionate, who was vocal, 1572 01:14:30,625 --> 01:14:36,250 but responded to your leadership, Father God. 1573 01:14:36,333 --> 01:14:40,000 I pray for us to be no longer conformed to the pattern of this 1574 01:14:40,042 --> 01:14:42,750 world but transformed by the renewing of our mind. 1575 01:14:42,833 --> 01:14:45,333 And I pray for the few thousand children 1576 01:14:45,417 --> 01:14:47,292 that call Mars Hill Church home 1577 01:14:47,333 --> 01:14:49,583 and are being brought up, in large part, 1578 01:14:49,667 --> 01:14:52,667 with intact families of moms and dads. 1579 01:14:52,750 --> 01:14:56,500 And I pray that those children would be saved and spared from 1580 01:14:56,542 --> 01:15:00,042 much suffering as their parents walk in wisdom, 1581 01:15:00,125 --> 01:15:02,042 following in the example of Jesus-- 1582 01:15:02,125 --> 01:15:03,625 in whose name we pray. Amen. 1583 01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,917 Each year, over 10 million Mars Hill church sermons 1584 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:11,000 are downloaded worldwide for free. 1585 01:15:11,083 --> 01:15:13,625 This ministry is generously supported 1586 01:15:13,667 --> 01:15:16,250 by Mars Hill church members and listeners like you. 1587 01:15:16,333 --> 01:15:19,833 If you'd like to support our efforts to preach Jesus to the world, 1588 01:15:19,875 --> 01:15:22,833 Please consider making a tax-deductible donation 1589 01:15:22,875 --> 01:15:25,708 by visiting marshill.com/give.