I love being a woman. I love all the perks of femininity. God made men and women, equal and yet so different, each bearing attributes of his image. Among other things, God has given women a unique ability to relate to and care for others.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had relationships with women, first in family and also in friends. I am the youngest of three girls. I have a great mama and wonderful aunts. And I now have two daughters of my own. In addition, I have a dear group of friends who have been steadily by my side through the hardest of seasons.
I haven’t always related well to women, though. I’ve not known why I find certain social situations difficult, particularly in settings with large groups of women. Perhaps it’s where I care most about how I’m perceived. I’ve struggled with comparing myself with others, harboring self-righteousness or bitterness in my heart. I’ve tried to jockey for attention, or tried to avoid attention altogether. I’ve tried to fit in to the “right” social group. I’ve tried on too many outfits prior to these occasions, caring too much about matching colors or shades or whatever else makes me think I won’t be good enough. Good enough for what?
Sin has made a mess of us in every area.
Somehow, though, as I serve in Women’s Ministry at Mars Hill Sammamish, God is untangling the lies I’ve wrapped around relationships with women. I’m seeing that this was never right, never the way he intended women to relate to each other. Sin has made a mess of us in every area. Over the years I’ve become more aware of how broken I am. How broken we all are. How we need to be known and loved and unified as sisters.
Admittedly, because we are not yet with Jesus, sisterhood can be challenging in the body of Christ. Our old habits, our flesh, our selfish desires are hard to overcome. We find ourselves in large groups of women, sometimes with women in leadership roles, up front and visible, or a woman in close community, whom we see on a regular basis, or even a woman we size up from across the room. And it’s tempting to compare ourselves to them, to see how we measure up in light of them.
Size, beauty, clothing, hair, fitness, school choices, marriages, children, spirituality, eloquence, popularity, skin color, race, nationality, maturity, influence, opportunities, confidence, giftings, social media activity, blog hits . . . need I go on? For the Christian woman reading this, does this resonate with you?
No one can tell us who we are except for God. And he calls us beloved.
It is also tempting to shut out Christian sisters due to fear. Fear of being judged, gossiped about, misunderstood. We well remember our painful experiences in junior high and high school, and all we can see is what we remember and how we don’t want to be hurt again.
“For it is not an enemy who taunts me—then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal,my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we walked in the throng.” Psalm 55:12–14
“Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9
Or, we have been burned by other Christians. Careless or poorly timed advice in our darkest hour, gossip cloaked in prayer requests, fluffy talk about superficial issues that never actually meant anything other than “I-will-never-tell-you-what-is-really-going-on-because-I-have-an-image-to-uphold.” Or perhaps we have felt isolated, shut out, discriminated against due to our social background, upbringing, or our race and nationality. Or maybe we have been or are going through something that has literally taken our breath away, and we feel desperately lonely, unable to see how anyone could ever identify with our struggle, unable to even have words for our pain.
Let me be clear. I only know these things because I know this struggle well. Everything I mentioned above I have either thought or acted on.
"And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?' And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.'” Matthew 22:35–40
“You are my friends if you do what I command you.” John 15:14
I also know, though, that this is not what we are called to. God calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves. He doesn’t call us to love our neighbors as long as they aren’t our competition. He doesn’t say love your neighbor as long as they don’t annoy you, judge you, gossip about you, make different choices than you, look different than you, come from a different culture than you. He doesn’t say idolize your neighbor, but then he doesn’t say to demonize your neighbor either.
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
For the believer, Jesus is our best friend. Jesus is our best example of a friend. Jesus did not try to gain popularity for himself. He did not compete with others, including his cousin, John the Baptist. Jesus only cared what the Father thought. He was here, for a specific reason, and he set his face, stayed his course in obedience to what the Father had purposed. He knew he was here to die. He knew it would be people he loved who would kill him. He knew what they were thinking before they thought it. He knew they would lie, cheat, steal, gossip, curse, betray, run away, and that they would leave him in his darkest hour.
God calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves. He doesn’t say love your neighbor as long as they don’t annoy you, judge you, gossip about you, make different choices than you, look different than you, or come from a different culture than you.
But he loved them anyway. He did not treat them the way they treated him. He taught us another way.
He knows that you and I, even on our best days, fall desperately short of the perfect life that he lived. And he loves us anyway. Sisters, friends, let this truth wash over you. We are deeply loved. We are daughters of the king of the universe. No one can tell us who we are except for him. And he calls us beloved.
To be continued on Friday.
