There’s no way around it, ladies: our experience with our earthly father has a tremendous affect on how we view our heavenly Father. These days, sadly, many carry deep father wounds. Not everyone has suffered wounds as deep as abuse, but whether your dad was a bad man, or a flawed-but-good dad, we all could use assurance and truth from our heavenly Father.
I hear stories over and over from women who have deep wounds from their fathers. Yet we are often so accustomed to the pain and frustration that we don’t realize the extent to which our earthly father’s character distorts or even overshadows that of our heavenly Father. We write them off as “daddy issues” and accept things as they are, which is unhelpful and dismissive to some real and deep pain.
Maybe it’s just easier to act like they don’t affect you. Maybe you want to appear strong. Maybe you don’t want to be labeled as “the girl with daddy issues.” Maybe you’re grown, or married, or have children of your own and feel like you’re past it all. Let me tell you from personal experience, if you haven’t addressed your issues with your father, you’re probably not past them. If you still carry a father-wound that doesn’t seem to go away, you might not fully know God as your heavenly Father.
Ladies, God wants you to believe who he says he is and who he says you are. (I’ve found it can even be helpful to read this list out loud and deliberately):
My earthly father may have abandoned me.
My heavenly Father adopts me (Rom. 8:15).
My earthly father may see me as a situation to manage.
My heavenly Father sees me as his daughter to redeem (Isa. 43:1).
My earthly father may lie.
My heavenly Father speaks the truth (Isa. 45:19).
My earthly father may be deceptive and dark.
My heavenly Father is light (1 John 1:5).
My earthly father may believe he’s perfect.
My heavenly Father is perfect (2 Sam. 22:31).
My earthly father may demand perfection from me.
My heavenly Father gifts Jesus’ perfection to me (2 Cor. 5:21).
My earthly father may be selfish.
My heavenly Father selflessly gives me his Son (Rom. 6:23).
My earthly father may want glory for himself.
My heavenly Father deserves all glory (Rev. 5:13).
My earthly father may judge me.
My heavenly Father is the only judge (Isa. 33:22).
My earthly father may want to be king.
My heavenly Father is the King of kings (Rev. 19:16).
My earthly father may want me to pay for my sin.
My heavenly Father provides Jesus as payment for my sin (1 John 4:10).
My earthly father may accept separation.
My heavenly Father brings me near (Eph. 2:13).
My earthly father may place a burden on me.
My heavenly Father put my burden on Jesus (Col. 2:14).
My earthly father may ignore me.
My heavenly Father hears me (Ps. 10:17).
My earthly father may not truly know me.
My heavenly Father not only knows me, but he designed me (Ps. 139:13–16).
My earthly father may have mistreated or abused me.
My heavenly Father is my refuge (Ps. 18:2).
My earthly father may scare me.
My heavenly Father’s love casts out fear (1 John 4:18).
My earthly father may be unpredictable.
My heavenly Father is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8).
My earthly father’s love may be based on my performance.
My heavenly Father loves me despite my performance (Eph. 2:4–5, 8).
My earthly father may not value me.
My heavenly father sees me clothed in the image of Jesus (Rom. 8:29).
You are the loved daughter of the perfect Father, and nothing will ever change that. So then, it is safe to look the wounds from your earthly father in the face. Psalm 30:2 declares, “O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.” Tell him your hurts, your fears, your pain. Though he already knows them, there is healing in bringing to light those deep places of your heart (Eph. 5:11–14).
You might, by God’s grace, have a chance for repentance and reconciliation with your earthly father through the work of Jesus. Or, your earthly father may never change or apologize or reconcile with you. He may even continue to hurt you. But you are not alone in your pain. God the Father gave you the greatest gift that has ever been given, his one and only Son. Yes, he sent Jesus to forgive and cleanse your sin. He also sent Jesus to heal your pain (Isa. 53:5) and to lead you to himself (Heb. 1:3). The work has already been done. The way has already been made.
So cry out to your Father. Run to him—run quickly. He delights to embrace you.
Lanna Andersen is a deacon and Redemption Group leader at the Everett church.
