John was a straight A student, excellent musician, well liked by his teachers, and dated pretty girls. On the outside, he looked close to perfect. But inside, he says he was full of death and spiritual uncleanness. His parents raised him to think achievement was the most important thing in life. So he made achievement his god.
Achievement = love
John believes it all started when he was in middle school. He doesn’t think his parents intended to plant the seed in his head but it seemed like the better he did in school, the more they loved him.
“If I achieved well, I felt loved and accepted by my parents,” John says. “And I believed God was the same way for the longest time. I began to view God the same way I viewed my parents, distant and demanding perfection from me.”
His excellent outward appearance was in direct contrast to what was happening inside. John became addicted to pornography when he was about 16 years old.
“I lusted after the women around me, objectifying those who are created in the image of God. I was ashamed of my sin. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t break my porn addiction. I was powerless. I was a slave.”
Aiding his addiction was his nearly unlimited access to pornography while in high school. Both his parents worked full time jobs. They placed a computer in the basement but rarely monitored it. John remembers coming home from school and looking at porn for hours before they finished work.
Saved on a submarine
When John graduated from high school in 2009, he joined the U.S. Naval Academy in search of continuing his quest for glory, prestige, and achievement. During his summer training he spent a week on a submarine. Working 300 feet deep in the Pacific Ocean, God pursued him through a fellow academy member. Matthew was a humble, kind, and gentle man who regularly asked John probing questions about his life.
John knew he did sinful things but because he was an excellent student and a good son, thought he was a good person. Matthew showed him Romans 3:23: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
John says, “In that moment, I was cut to the heart. In that moment, I encountered God in his holiness. When I met God, my life came crashing down around me. Everything I had lived for up to that point was rubbish, a big, steaming pile of crap. I felt naked and exposed. I knew that there was no way a sinner like me could stand before a holy God in my current condition.”
In the most unlikely of places—a submarine—John says he “believed in Jesus, knowing that he loved me and died for my sins on the cross. The only way a sinner like me is able to stand in the presence of a holy God is clothed in Jesus’ righteousness.”
John felt relieved and, for the first time in this life, a sense of spiritual stability.
“On the submarine, something changed,” he says. “I wasn’t able to articulate it at the time, but at that moment I understood that what Jesus said is true. I understood there was a fundamental problem with who I was. I needed a new heart. It’s not that I was a good person who did bad things. I did bad things because I was a bad person.”
New person, new life
Matthew continued to disciple John, teaching him to read his Bible and taking him to church. John’s departure from the Naval Academy halfway through his second year was a shock to his parents. He was ranked number one in the 2013 class and had never quit anything in his life. To John, it was both an easy and difficult decision. Easy because he felt God calling him to leave. Hard because he had to destroy his idol of achievement.
“I had to believe following Jesus was more certain and real than the illusions of worldly prosperity and achievement.”
John didn’t realize it then, but looking back he can see that leaving the Naval Academy represented how he died to his old way of life. The new life he gained included a healthier view of women and a freedom from the enslavement of pornography.
“Jesus liberated me from my addiction, and I have been free [from pornography] for almost four years. When I believed in Jesus and received the Holy Spirit, I finally had power to fight my sin. The Spirit has generously provided the power to overcome temptation that I was completely lacking on my own.”
New direction
In 2011, John started working toward his masters degree in electrical engineering at New Mexico Tech. The school is located in his hometown of Albuquerque, New Mexico. He met his wife, Lindsey, at an InterVarsity Christian Fellowship retreat in February of 2011. They were married in May of 2012 and their first child, Anastasia, was born on March 17 this year. Together they serve on the hospitality team at Mars Hill Albuquerque.
John says his day-to-day life looks similar to how it did when he was in the Naval Academy before Jesus redeemed him. He still goes to school and works. But there is one vital difference.
“The difference is my old life was dedicated to increase my glory whereas my new life was purchased for God and his glory. Of course I fall short every day. But I can say with confidence that little by little, I am becoming more like Jesus.”
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