This is a continuation of Wednesday’s post from Deacon Jackie Jarawan about unity among women in the church.
[God] knows that you and I, even on our best days, fall desperately short of the perfect life that he lived. And he loves us anyway. Sisters, friends, let this truth wash over you. We are deeply loved. We are daughters of the king of the universe. No one can tell us who we are except for him. And he calls us beloved.
Further, he lived so well, loved so well, died so well, and is living again so you and I can be so well. We are washed clean of our sin, even in relationships. In him, we have a new freedom that does not exist in the relationships the world has. We have a freedom to love others like Christ loved and will always love us. In him we are given the freedom to repent of old sinful habits, the comparing and the bitterness and the isolation. In him we are given the freedom to forgive, to not hold on to the hurt that threatens to become our identities, the “I don’t do women’s events” identity.
Jesus lived so well, loved so well, died so well, and is living again so you and I can be so well. We are washed clean of our sin, even in relationships.
Because of this, there is a sisterhood that is possible among the body of Christ. I have seen it with my own two eyes. Despite me and my issues, this group of women has chosen to love me like Jesus loves me, especially when I have nothing to offer in return.
As I’ve prayed through this issue, a few thoughts have come to mind to help combat these lies. In no particular order, here is a list of things that I find helpful in relating to women. When I’m tempted to go back to my nasty old ways, by the grace of God, I seek to:
- See myself in every woman. Put myself in her shoes, as best as I can. Every woman comes to the table with a realm of experiences unique to her. I cannot possibly know all that she’s been through, but do I can do my best to understand how she sees the world.
- Not assume I know everything. Silly that I should have to say that, but I believe there have been times when I thought I did actually know everything about someone or something. Not everything is black and white. There will be some gray, some things I just won’t understand about another woman, her life, or her story. It’s okay.
- Give so much grace. Everyone I meet will likely see areas where I fall short of perfection. I appreciate the grace they give me, whether I recognize it or not. I will be the grace giver, and let other women be where they are. I will not make them a project. I will not assume I have the final answer about where they need to change.
- Be honest about my own struggles. I will always be tempted to look like I have it together, to believe the lie that no one else struggles. I will offer freedom to other women by letting them see my failings and shortcomings.
- Pray for them. Pray for myself. Pray that God will bind our hearts together at the cross of Jesus. He is the only reason we can have healthy relationships with others. We are united by his blood.
- Know that who they are has nothing to do with me. If something wonderful comes their way, I will celebrate with them. If tragedy falls, I will empathize but will not let their pain become mine. I will pray and love well, but ultimately I must trust that Father can carry their pain better than I.
- Remain who I am. Some people will like me. Some people will not. At the end of the day, how I am perceived doesn’t really matter. What matters is what God is doing. I am who God made me to be and there is a reason I am right here, right now. Same goes for others. Walk in teachable confidence.
- Know that older women are precious, but not always wise. I will be respectful, but will test everything through God’s Word. Advice is only helpful as it points me to Jesus.
- Know that younger women are precious, but not always wise. I may be put on a pedestal that only Jesus deserves to be on. I will not revel in it. I will get off of it.
- Know that my peers will sharpen me, and I will choose not to compete with them. I will be tempted frequently, but I must remember that we are teammates, not enemies.
- Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. I will learn to listen more than I speak. I will learn to keep my mouth shut. It’s hard to undo the damage that careless, chatty, gossipy words can do. When in doubt, I will zip my lips. The tongue is a restless evil. So much harm can be done. So much. I cannot emphasize this enough. By God’s grace, he will tame my tongue and give me better things to talk about than others. Like how good he is, what he is doing in my life, what prayers have been answered.
- Reach out. Reach out. Reach out. Go outside my comfort zone. Look around the room and see who is standing alone. Introduce myself. Ask her name. Ask questions. Listen. Remember what is hard for her. Remember her name. Connect her with people that she might have something in common with. Remember what it feels like to be the new kid.
- If and when these sisters hurt me, I will choose to love them. I will expect that there will be disappointments, betrayals, painful situations. But I can choose to keep my response independent from their actions. I will choose to keep my eyes focused on God’s work, not on myself. Jesus did, and look how he changed everything. Because he forgives me, I can forgive them.
The truth is, these sisters are a gift from God. And because of Christ, I can choose to receive this gift, steward the time with my sisters to the best of my ability, and experience God’s love in a whole new way.
There is a sisterhood that is possible among the body of Christ.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Philippians 2:3–8
